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Author Topic: MTF? FTM? WTF? Everything you wanted to know about Transgender but were afraid  (Read 112799 times)

Offline ImEnnisShesJack

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Esteban,

could you at some point - maybe somewhere in your initial post on the first page where it will always be visible - put up the clinical definitions of:

Transgender(ism)
Transexual
Intersexuality
MTF
FTM
Gender Identity
Gender Confusion

(and any other of the "grey area" sexual identity labels)
Please?


Thanks!!
"And when he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night."
~~Heath Ledger 1979-2008~~

Carol8159@yahoo.com

Offline ImEnnisShesJack

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This is going to be a great thread - hopefully supportive for those who are and informative for those who aren't!

I wanted to comment on the wishing v. believing thing...loving trains and Tonka trucks and playing baseball and football and wearing jeans and t-shirts doesn't make you "male" any more than playing with dolls and putting on makeup makes you a "girl".  Wanting to cut off your penis/sew on a penis and have nothing to do with the SPECIFICALLY biological and sociological functions of your physical sexual characteristics is I think what defines you as transgender.

I grew up 100% girl - frilly dresses, Barbie Dream House, etc. Playing house and mommy and E-Z Bake Oven, cooking and baking and sewing and embroiderie.  I also was 100% (tom)boy - trains,war planes, baseball, football, catching frogs and toads and snakes, playing guns. 

But I've never been confused by my gender.  I just liked it all.  Perhaps intragendered?  Maybe I want the best of both worlds? Which would just make me greedy.  But that fits too. ;)
"And when he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night."
~~Heath Ledger 1979-2008~~

Carol8159@yahoo.com

Offline desertrat

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Re: MTF? FTM? WTF? Everything you ever wanted to know about Transgender but were
« Reply #32 on: September 07, 2006, 05:22:23 AM »
To sum it up, here was a woman who told us she was recently a man who moved from California to Dallas WILLINGLY and gave up her job and seniority as a man at that job, to become a middle-aged woman.  Huh?

a friend of my parents changed her sex some years ago. she was a successful business MAN before, now is a successful businessWOMAN. things worked out fine, she left her family but they were ok with it, wouldn't want to press her into a corset that didn't fit her. it was a bit awkward for the people around her, though. she didn't "come out" to people around her, so in the beginning they didn't even know. my parents wondered because HE suddenly wore makeup and tights under the dress pants (instead of socks). they witnessed the gradual change due to hormone therapy. and my parents weren't sure from when on they should adress "him" as a lady. my mum recalled being startled when he (at this time still rather manly) would walk into the women's restroom right after her. that was the moment they decided that their friend would be a woman now (because apparently she felt as a woman from this time on).

as much as a person is open-minded and accepting, there are still some things that are not too easy about gender changes.  ;)
but of course, it is most important that everybody is able to live the life he/ she wants to live and luckily modern medical techniques are able to help a great deal.
Minds are like parachutes... they both work better when opened.

Offline AHappyMan

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Re: MTF? FTM? WTF? Everything you ever wanted to know about Transgender but w
« Reply #33 on: September 07, 2006, 05:36:11 AM »
it is most important that everybody is able to live the life he/ she wants to live and luckily modern medical techniques are able to help a great deal.

On a related note, I was watching Discovery Health Channel and there was an extraordinary program
highlighting cosmetic surgery techniques for post-operative transsexuals (I think the focus of the show
was "de-masculinizing" MTF transsexuals).
There are some incredibly subtle, sophisticated surgical techniques for reducing things like adams apples,
dental structures, any angular "manly" looking bone structure features of the face. The results were amazing!

Rick


elle_ann

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Re: MTF? FTM? WTF? Everything you ever wanted to know about Transgender but w
« Reply #34 on: September 07, 2006, 05:42:53 AM »

Back when I first came out, I did a lot of thinking about this.  And I realized that no matter how far I went down the reassignment road (even unto science fiction lengths), I was always going to have 30 years of memories that were just not appropriate to an ordinary man.  So that was when I decided that since I couldn't ever feel like a real woman, and I could never be universally considered a real man, that I had better set my sights on being a real transsexual.


Please won't you explain a bit more what you mean by saying ' a real transsexual', Sid? And when you say you 'came out', what exactly did that mean? Come out as a FTM wannabe or as a gay man in a woman's body or what?

Sorry if any of this is intrusive, it's just that I've so many of these questions free-floating in the back of my head for such a long time! But they were such off-limits, terrible kinds of thoughts, so off-the-wall, so twisted (I thought!) that I never dreamed I'd ever have the opportunity to actually acknowledge them outside my own head, let alone ask them of anyone!!

Thanks!  :-*

B73

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Re: MTF? FTM? WTF? Everything you ever wanted to know about Transgender but w
« Reply #35 on: September 07, 2006, 07:47:23 AM »
And hello to you, B73/Jack!  All my slash friends seem to be following me to this thread!


Hey to you too - sorry, Three! Sid, Jess, Mag. I just saw this thread pimped on the front page of the Forum and came over (very hesitantly) to read.

Now scared out of my mind and going back to start again, thanks be that this thread is only two pages long to date.  ;D

I'm one of those dreaded *middle-aged women* who got hooked on slash a while back and have been trying ever since to figure the whole damn thing out psychologically. Why do I yearn to BE those guys? Why do I dislike being me? Is it just my middle-aged body I dislike? Is it that I feel so unfeminine that I feel no man would find me attractive? (Been divorced and single for about ten years now ..) Why was it that I started wishing I was the one thing I could never be - a gay man? Is it just the slash thing? What, what, what?? WTF, in fact?  ??? ??? ???

Ack!! Almost too afraid to post this, but then I think of all the people whose lives have been changed by BBM and so, what the heck - if we can't be honest here, where can we be? It's all about talking and finding out,  isn't it? Maybe it'll all come to nothing, but at least I'll have explored it a bit further .... where's the smiley icon for 'Freaked Out Over Here!!!'  :-[

ELLE!  Hi,hon! 

Wow, thanks for posting that.  That's something I hadn't thought of; feeling  unattractive as a female so thinking that that's maybe why you want to be a guy. 

I think some of us want to be J&E because their love story is so deep, and we would all like to feel that, despite the tragedy.  (plus, all hetero sex seems boring to me!  I'm sure my husband would be thrilled to find that out....)

HUGS Elle!

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

B73

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This is going to be a great thread - hopefully supportive for those who are and informative for those who aren't!

I wanted to comment on the wishing v. believing thing...loving trains and Tonka trucks and playing baseball and football and wearing jeans and t-shirts doesn't make you "male" any more than playing with dolls and putting on makeup makes you a "girl".  Wanting to cut off your penis/sew on a penis and have nothing to do with the SPECIFICALLY biological and sociological functions of your physical sexual characteristics is I think what defines you as transgender.

I grew up 100% girl - frilly dresses, Barbie Dream House, etc. Playing house and mommy and E-Z Bake Oven, cooking and baking and sewing and embroiderie.  I also was 100% (tom)boy - trains,war planes, baseball, football, catching frogs and toads and snakes, playing guns. 

But I've never been confused by my gender.  I just liked it all.  Perhaps intragendered?  Maybe I want the best of both worlds? Which would just make me greedy.  But that fits too. ;)

Yeah, I think I'm what Sid describes as gender-confused.  I WISH I were a guy, but it's not something like "Oh they made a mistake gotta fix itNOW" thing.  I can live with being  female.  I guess.   ;D ;)

Offline jackfingtwist

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Im going out on a limb here, talking about this stuff, becuase I havent talked about it to anyone, except three people in my entire life, and two of them are on the forum, and the response I got from them was incredible, so I am going to put myself out there and close my eyes and hope for the best.

I was always a rough little kid, the kind of kid who played with dolls but usually ended up trying to flush them down the toilet or cut their hair off or take off their limbs as opposed to dressing them up. I did wear dresses but usually pants underneath. But I was satisfied with my gender, aside from the fat that boys didnt want to play with me because I was too much of a girl and girls didnt want to play with me because I ws too much of a boy. My name in itself, Maddy, could be both masculine or feminine, but my mom started calling me Max as a pet name early on. And that was okay with me

I hit puberty at age 7. Early? Fuck yes. I was wearing a bra in kindergarten, had my period in the second grade. thats when I started wearing baggier clothes, getting more aggresive because peopl just didnt get why a little girl was already hitting puberty. A few years later, 9 or 10, thats when things really got weird, but I never told anyone about it.

All of a sudden I had a dick. A very very very small one, but I had one. I know im gonna have to explain this later but I dont feel like it right now. Anyways, i did. I had started masturbasting at a very young age, 4 or 5, but around this age the dynamicschanged. things got a little more uncomfortable. the orgasms were more intense, yes, but they were scary, and if I wasnt careful it would hurt.

Over my teenage years my hormones would fluctuate. Certain times I was overly aggresive, but also happier, the manic stage of manic depression mebe, and at these times my dick was although not impressive, available to me. other times I was emotional and depressed, not aggresive, just too tuckered out to deal with anything. these times the dick was gone entirely. I began to understand that there was no consistancy of what was happening, so therefore, things just got worse and worse. I started taking anti-depressants, which helped some, but still, I was a boy with a girls body regardless.

I want to take hormone therapy to regulate what is going on. I dont want to talk to my immediate family about this. I dont want the testosterone to affect my anti-depressants, but I feel like who I am, what I am, disgusts me to a point that I cant even get changed with the lights on anymore. I fucking hate every little thing about me.

So feel free to talk to me. PMs are welcomed, and so are convos on the thread itself

PS thanks to Jess and Melissa
http://jack-fing-twist.livejournal.com/ - Max's jack drabbles

"I'm here with my tribe,
This family's my wealth
And I would die with them
Before I'd live by myself." S. Bear Bergman

"Its half biology and half corrective surgery gone wrong," Half Jack, Dresden Dolls

elle_ann

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Re: MTF? FTM? WTF? Everything you ever wanted to know about Transgender but w
« Reply #38 on: September 07, 2006, 09:50:56 AM »

ELLE!  Hi,hon! 

Wow, thanks for posting that.  That's something I hadn't thought of; feeling  unattractive as a female so thinking that that's maybe why you want to be a guy. 

I think some of us want to be J&E because their love story is so deep, and we would all like to feel that, despite the tragedy.  (plus, all hetero sex seems boring to me!  I'm sure my husband would be thrilled to find that out....)

HUGS Elle!

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

Hi Mag!!  :D

I've spent a LOT of time trying to understand why M/M is such a turn-on, and it was like that looooong before BBM happened. BBM the book, BBM the movie and then BBM the fics just added a depth to the whole thing, wrapped it up in multiple layers of longing and sadness and despair - y'all know what I mean about that, I'm sure.

Understand what you mean about the hetero-sex, but still not sure how it all ties up for me. Call this a process of exploration and growth and hopefully healing and restoration ...


melissasjack

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Max, Love, all I can say is that you are an amazing extraordinary man...So freakin' brave and wonderful...and I am honored to be your friend.
Love you, Sweeetie....Always be here for you.
Melissa

Offline Dave Cullen

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I have a linguistic question that has been itching at me since this thread started (imagine that):

I had always thought I was hearing transgendered, with an ed at the end.

Was I tacking that on with my own ear all this time? Or do most people get it wrong and say it that way? Or is it used with or without interchangably, or . . .

---

hmmm. Right after writing that, I decided to just look it up on dictionary.com and they list with the ed as the primary--type in transgender and you actually get transgendered, with an "also, transgender" at the bottom. So shew, it's not just me. Is it just a matter of personal preference, or something else?

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=transgender
« Last Edit: September 07, 2006, 10:40:41 AM by Dave Cullen »

Offline jackfingtwist

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Max, Love, all I can say is that you are an amazing extraordinary man...So freakin' brave and wonderful...and I am honored to be your friend.
Love you, Sweeetie....Always be here for you.
Melissa

I dont have anything to say to that except you know how I feel. im lucky to have met people like you - to have met you - because this is a tough point in my life.
http://jack-fing-twist.livejournal.com/ - Max's jack drabbles

"I'm here with my tribe,
This family's my wealth
And I would die with them
Before I'd live by myself." S. Bear Bergman

"Its half biology and half corrective surgery gone wrong," Half Jack, Dresden Dolls

Offline Dave Cullen

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fyi, i put the thread in the newsbox last night, so that more people will see it.

and i tweaked the thread title a little to get more of the phrase we wanted in there. but i still couldn't squeeze in the "to ask." the system has a character limit for thread titles, which we hit. (i can't remember whether this was the first time. it seems to me it happened once before, but so much has happened on this site that has blown out the boundaries of my imagination that some of it blurs. hehehe.)

Offline jackfingtwist

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I have a petty linguistic question that has been itching at me since this thread started:

I had always thought I was hearing transgendered, with an ed at the end.

Was I tacking that on with my own ear all this time? Or do most people get it wrong and say it that way? Or is it used with or without interchangably, or . . .

---

hmmm. Right after writing that, I decided to just look it up on dictionary.com and they list with the ed as the primary--type in transgender and you actually get transgendered, with an "also, transgender" at the bottom. So shew, it's not just me. Is it just a matter of personal preference, or something else?

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=transgender

Um Ive heard it both ways. Some people like transgendered, others say that they arent past tense, they are transgender. I dunno, if its linguistically supposed to be a certin way but Im pretty sure its just preference.
http://jack-fing-twist.livejournal.com/ - Max's jack drabbles

"I'm here with my tribe,
This family's my wealth
And I would die with them
Before I'd live by myself." S. Bear Bergman

"Its half biology and half corrective surgery gone wrong," Half Jack, Dresden Dolls

elle_ann

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Re: MTF? FTM? WTF? Everything you wanted to know about Transgender but were afra
« Reply #44 on: September 07, 2006, 10:47:10 AM »
fyi, i put the thread in the newsbox last night, so that more people will see it.

and i tweaked the thread title a little to get more of the phrase we wanted in there. but i still couldn't squeeze in the "to ask." the system has a character limit for thread titles, which we hit. (i can't remember whether this was the first time. it seems to me it happened once before, but so much has happened on this site that has blown out the boundaries of my imagination that some of it blurs. hehehe.)

Newsbox is where I saw it, and while I LOVE the MTF? FTM? WTF? bit of the title, it was the "everything you wanted to know about Transgender but were afraid ..." that brought me in to see what was going on. In fact, I was SO ignorant that it took me a while to figure out what MTF etc stood for. (Got the WTF bit right away, though!). Duh ...


Thanks so much for starting this, though! Very timely ...