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Author Topic: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery  (Read 116049 times)

Offline BrokenOkie

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #60 on: November 16, 2006, 04:09:29 PM »
<moved from 'Affected' - originally posted:  11/14/06>


Quote from: gattaca on November 12, 2006, 11:28:40 AM
......Eventually, I found it my soul to forgive him - had to -  but it is never easy to discuss these things for those that live'm - even 20 years later.   



To all our members, you have given me the courage to share this hoping it may help someone else, the guys especially, (not meant as ANY offense to our ladies here), so others understand that rape can and does happen to men - many more than will ever admit.
Vincent

----------------------------------------

Vincent....thanks for opening your heart and posting.  You're so right that it's difficult to discuss what was inflicted upon us. 

I've avoided posting in this thread the past couple of days, but I've been reading and am deeply moved by the understanding and loving compassion of the wonderful people here.  And I'm very proud of all who have bravely shared their experiences.  Please consider yourselves thanked and hugged.  Each of you have helped more than could be put into words.

Glenn     
 
 
« Last Edit: September 19, 2007, 01:15:15 AM by BrokenOkie »

Offline BrokenOkie

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #61 on: November 16, 2006, 04:11:09 PM »
<post moved from 'Affected' thread - originally posted 11/14/06>

Quote from: CellarDweller115 on November 12, 2006, 04:05:28 PM
It's my life to live, and I'm not going to run and hide or deny myself anymore.  Tire iron be damned.

-----------------------------

Very proud of you (((Chuck))), for your post and for being the person you are. 

Online fritzkep

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #62 on: November 16, 2006, 04:14:22 PM »
Oh, Martina, please read my PM as soon as you get a chance.

Werd ich zum Augenblicke sagen, "Verweile doch! Du bist so schön..."

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #63 on: November 16, 2006, 04:23:29 PM »
Hey Beautiful Martina?
Thank you for sharing this...I am so so glad for you that you felt safe enough to post this...and I am so happy for you that you like who you are now....
I have always, mainly from afar, seen you as a beautiful, strong, amazing woman....
someone to admire.
Offering you many hugs, much understanding, and a good bit of AWE at how awesome you are.
One day, I swear I will be brave enough to do the same.
((((((martina)))))))
hugs from,
melissa

melissasjack

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #64 on: November 16, 2006, 05:05:03 PM »
Martina?
If you could be this brave, I had to get myself to do it too.
Thank you, girl.

http://davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=101.msg589608#msg589608

Offline CellarDweller115

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #65 on: November 16, 2006, 05:49:30 PM »
Martina and Melissa, thank you for joining us, and finding the courage to post your stories.

You are both beautiful and wonder women. 

Thank you for being here!

Offline paintedshoes

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #66 on: November 16, 2006, 07:19:17 PM »
Finally, after days of pondering and arguing back and forth, i decided to get out of my little trailer and post my story here. It didn't take me so long because my story is so horrible, it's the opposite.  I was afraid how it would be received. That the only logical answer to my story is that this was my own fault, that i should simply have left the guy. So, please, be kind on me, this time of my live was hell for me, even though it is pathetic compared to what many of you had to go through.
A second reason why this is so hard for me to bring out to the open is because it will contradict many things you might think about me. The person i am talking about sounds like another person. Partly it is, because my life, my whole personality changed so much afterwards. But still, i'm opening a part of me here that i usually am very reluctant to open. The one part that doesn't smile all the time.

Dearest Martina,

I hope that by posting your story that you will be able to let it go, completely.  It breaks my heart that you suffered so, but, please dear sister, never think that ANYONE would think less of you.You were a victim of abuse as surely as anyone here.  Your story is NOT pathetic, it is a story of pain and violence against you.  I am humbled by the strength that you used to overcome the abuse you suffered, and it makes me proud to know the woman you are today.  And what a woman you are.  Thank you for being willing to share this with us.  Bless you, always.
"Miracles do happen, dear friend(s).  Miracles are real."- Boris 
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Offline conny

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #67 on: November 16, 2006, 09:31:49 PM »
Martine sweety,thanks for sharing your story and you need to know one thing,this wasn`t your fault!!!!
You did`n`t ask for the abuse did you,or for the psychological abuse(which happened to me too and i know how bad that can get!!!) you didn`t ask for the manipulation.
The only thing you wanted was love and to be loved,and sometimes we end with people who,one way or another can`t give that to us.
As with me,i`m glad all the damage and what happened had a good outcome,made you wanna fight and wanna start over again.
You are a beautiful strong woman,who is loved and gives so much love and is caring!!
(((Hugs))) and love
conny
"we are one,but we are not the same"   U2

Offline BrokenOkie

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #68 on: November 16, 2006, 11:17:35 PM »
Reading each person's story here has struck me in many ways.   I'm outraged that any one of us has had to endure the physical and emotional pain, the torture, and the anguish of being abused, raped or beaten in any manner.  Sharing these closely-held secrets openly is certainly not easy, as so many have said. 

Warm, gentle hugs to each of you for sharing, for caring and being the amazing individuals each and every one of you are.

Surviving = Conquering   

     
« Last Edit: September 19, 2007, 01:16:20 AM by BrokenOkie »

Offline michaelflanagansf

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #69 on: November 16, 2006, 11:53:35 PM »
Martina and Melissa - thank you very much for trusting us.

Martina - people who work on our self-esteem can often be the most abusive.  I've known a few in my life and I fought hard to get away from them.  I'll write more about this later - it's too late tonight to get started.

Precious Melissa - what can I say but that I am so very, very sorry that you had to deal with that horror.  Although I have lived with people who have been abusive to me in the past (it's the same story I'm talking about above) I cannot imagine having to deal with the horror your have written about.  I am really touched by your strength.

Much love to you both,

Michael
I do my thing, & you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other - it is beautiful. If not it can't be helped.

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Offline Brokeback_1

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #70 on: November 17, 2006, 12:26:08 AM »
HEIDI.....I love you Heidi. Why is it that the nicest people are the ones the freaks find, the ones they do their best to wreck...

You won. He failed.
There was some open space between what he knew and what he tried to believe but nothing could be done about it, & if you can't fix it, you've got to stand it

Offline Brokeback_1

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #71 on: November 17, 2006, 12:26:53 AM »
And Martine, once again: people look at you for one reason. You are beautiful.
There was some open space between what he knew and what he tried to believe but nothing could be done about it, & if you can't fix it, you've got to stand it

Offline ChrisW

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #72 on: November 17, 2006, 01:44:39 AM »
- I would like to be able to give all of you flowers and a big hug, it's pretty overwhelming reading.
You courageous and beautiful people, it's wonderful to see how you are supporting each other through the nightmare of reliving these private horrors.
love Chris

Offline desertrat

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #73 on: November 17, 2006, 02:42:14 AM »
a big thanks to all of you for your compassionate posts. i'm still a bit shaky, but i think it defintely was a good thing to talk about it. what i hate most about the whole dredging up of this story that i start feeling like a victim again - something i definitely don't want. sure, i know meanwhile that none of this was my own fault (well, apart maybe from staying with him  :-\). but i don't want to retreat into self-pity and despair. the important thing to me is that this episode of my life has opened many doors, has forced me to work on issues i would otherwise have kept buried probably forever. it doesn't justify what he did to me, and as i said before, at best i am able right now to feel indifference towards him. but i'm not mad at life/ fate/ the universe any more for doing this to me because it allowed me becomeing another, new person. of course, not every day is good. i'd say about 2/3 of the days are fine now, and my smile is genuine. 1/3 of the days - those are the days i'm still working on  ;)

melissa, when you first posted a small post about your ex-husband (i think it was on the women's thread), this was about what i expected. i can understand you so well (and i feel so lucky that i never got pregnant...). a big hug and congratulations for bringing up the courage to post all of this.
here's a couple of thoughts that i had to work through after the dark times of my life, and i think they apply to you as well - i hope they can help you...

one of the reasons why i never came out with my story is that i had this idea, the notion, that domestic violence is something that only happens to stupid, badly educated women who are dependend on their husbands. i think you, melissa, and i are the proof that this is not true. i was in the process of earning my first university degree when all of this happened and nowadays, i know that this even made things worse - he felt inferior to me (he only had basic eduvcation) and therefore felt the need to put me down wherever possible.

and one other thing, not only to you, melissa, but to everybody here who has endured abuse and has, resulting form that, or even had already before, self esteem issues: the absolutely BEST thing you can do for yourself is go and get some therapy. if you would have told me that before i would have laughed it off, would have said that i am not nuts and certainly not weak and pathetic enough to need this. but then, when i had to do it, it made the world's difference to me. after a good "basic start" with therapy, i also started reading - there are many good books out there. with many good exercises (yes, that's lots of work, but it's worth it !). take that chance, what can you lose ?

oh, and just one last little thing: melissa, don't despair over men. there are many good ones out there. and you deserve only the best. i'm living in a relationship for 10 years now and i managed (maybe not always right from the beginning but at least halfway through  ;)) to not fall into the old patterns of abuse and submission again. if i can do it, you can do it (i mean, melissa, you are taking care of yourself AND a child ! don't tell ME i am strong - you are the one i can only admire for her strength !). 

love to all of you
martina.
Minds are like parachutes... they both work better when opened.

Offline annabel

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #74 on: November 17, 2006, 05:04:43 AM »
I'm sitting here with my heart pounding reading all your stories and I can only say I'm so sorry about the cruelty that others have inflicted on all of you.

I wasn't going to write my story because it isn't as bad as all of yours, but it has affected my life since.  My first kiss and sexual experience were against my wishes.  I was waiting for my dad to pick me up  near my friends house (I was 13 and couldn't drive) and these two guys I knew from school dragged me into the bushes, and assaulted me.  I guess I feel it wasn't as bad because no penetration occurred, but lots of other horrible things did.  I finally got away from them and my dad picked me up.  I never told him or anyone until couples therapy because sex was an issue.  When I told the therapist about it, my husband turned to me and said "You never told me that"  Talk about burying things, huh?