wow - i'm starting to fill a page :-[ :-[ :-[
conny, i'm so sorry that you had to go through such things at such an early age. and that being your first experience with sex - that is really harsh. good that you were able to tell your friends and later on ask your parents and the police for help.
another aspect of the long-term problems is, as you mentioned, the reclusion of the sex life. as you said, i also had a year where i basically wasn't even able to let anybody touch me. only therapy helped me to get over it. thinking about your special case - how many minutes did this guy have "fun" ? (though i can't even imagine how it can be fun with a struggling girl right on the street...) and how much time did it cost you, how many years of pain ? it is simply unfair, such things shouldn't happen.
thanks martina
I didn`t tell my mom and dad myself,they found out,cause that guy kept harassing me on the phone,i told my best friends,and when my mom asked around she found out.I dont recall anymore what happend,or what they said,only that the phone was tapped,to find out his number and adress.
i don`t know how long it lasted,time didn`t exist anymore,and it costed me till last year to get over it.I burried it in me,ended up at the point i didn`t care what people did to me.later i made jokes, about it,that i just as well could have go on and work as a prostitute,cause that way i could have made some money with it.
much more abuse happened after this.
my second husband was an alcoholic and gambling addict,and when he was drunk he was a totally different person, and made me feel scared in my own house.
In the beginning he didn`t hit me,but he almost destroyed me mentaly,and i think that was even worse.i could handle the fysical beats every once and a while and that he smashed things trough the house.
But from the time he supposed to be home i sat there trembling like a leaf,not knowing in what state he would come home.i just made sure his dinner was ready,give him another beer,and hope he would fell asleep after that,and lucky for me lots of the time that worked.and then i had peace for a couple fof hours. When my dogs crawled under the bed when they heard him coming home and they sat next to me,shivering and puking from fear and he hit me against the head,i knew it was time to stand up for myself. I took a lawer and got rid of him,and even the last thing he did was trowing the kettle to me when i said it was mine!! Never ever i`ve been so relieved to have my house for myself again!
He still lives in this town,but about 8 years after our divorce i had a talk with him.befor that i always was afraid whenever i saw him.But then i told him how i felt that year(i wasn`t with him that long,luyckily) and i could say what i wanted to say and he even appologized. And i haven`t forgiven him,but i wasn`t afraid of him after that anymore.
And in the end it was good for me,cause after that i had some help from my vet off all people,who was very spiritual and could feel a lot of things around and about me and then finally could admit to myself that i was a lesbian and went in special therapy.
But i really would have loved that that had happend another way.
i was thinking,it is so hard to know that the places and people you trust like your home,the church,parents,family,husband/wife,friends are the ones who ended up hurting us the most!!
My therapist asked me at some of my last sessions if i hated menn? And i could clearly say NO,you know they are not all like that,there are good menn too,but i must say i never trust them completely,apart from gay menn then