...for me it's been several months of confusion. I have only reached one conclusion (of many to come I hope). I have understood that what pains me is that I will never have a love like J&E had. I have a 15 year marriage, I love my husband but not "in love" . I will never red-line it for him.... I will never kiss him like Jack kissed Ennis...
ayuni, many posts over the last year or two show the same kind of confusion in married women who have felt they "will never have a love like J&E had". This is something I've thought about alot, and here are two of my thoughts: first, this is a work of fiction, although it has tapped into something deep and real in many of us, J&E may have had their disagreements and their boredom in that cow and calf operation if it had existed....
i also recall posts from more than one member who took heed of their situation and put the effort (and often counselling) into their relations and MADE them deep and meaningful. i hope some of them see this sequence and speak up. if you can't stand it, fix it.
I am one of the "oldtimers" who reads more than writes these days. Often I wonder what else I have to offer that I haven't already said, except to say "Welcome!" to the new group of posters. But then
Jack spoke to me with this post.
I am one of those whose long-term marriage was lifeless and empty by the time I saw the movie. I didn't know what was happening to me at first, but I came to realize that I could not let my life continue as it was. I could not continue to be an "Ennis" as I had been for so long. I have been shaken out of complacency and into taking action to fix what I could no longer stand.
My heart was broken open by the movie, but it was closed to my husband by many years of hurt, poor communication and neglect. It took months of counseling to help heal the rift between us. It was one of the hardest things I ever did, but I finally let him in; and we have experienced an incredible change in our marriage. It's like a dream come true, except I
never dreamed that this could be real for me. You CAN have a love like Jack and Ennis, without the pain. I am living it, finally, in a relationship of over 35 years.
That's easily the best thing to come out of this, but there's more: I have decided to heed the call to enter seminary (not for ordination, but I haven't ruled that out); I have taken on more leadership in my job and recently received a raise; I volunteer at our local AIDS support center to repay a long-overdue debt of gratitude for their help when my brother was dying years ago; and I've made wonderful new friends as a direct result of this forum.
Life is still full of challenges, but I've never been happier. That's what can happen when you decide to fix it. Don't be in too much of a hurry. It takes time for your vision to clear so that you know what steps to take. Let the powerful emotions ebb before you make any decision that could change your life. But if you're reeling from the gut-punch of this story, then something needs to change. This is a wake-up call to fix it. Take advantage of those willing to help, here on this forum and professionals, if necessary.
And be ready for the ride of your life: hang on—it won't be easy—but worth it? You bet.
