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Author Topic: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued  (Read 813930 times)

Offline hugsuzie

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #570 on: October 23, 2007, 02:15:10 AM »
((((Katie)))))

You know I always feel that there is a price to pay for every post here, and not necessarily much to be gained. And sometimes that price is too high. I hope you get some sort of balance back however that may be.
As for being back to square one... you can never be back to square one. All that change and growth that happened inthe spring and early summer? If you hadn't had that where would you be now? and lets not discount the importance all of the many friends you have made here.

Hang in there girl. :-* :-* :-*
My folks just stopped at Suzie
Stop all the clocks.

Offline Katiebre

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #571 on: October 23, 2007, 02:23:11 AM »
As for being back to square one... you can never be back to square one. All that change and growth that happened inthe spring and early summer?

Thanks, Sarah!  :-*
You are so right, of course, and I thank you for reminding me, that is something I certainly shouldn't forget.
And I'd say as long as thoughts are happening, and things are fermenting inside, hope's not lost and something will come out of it. Eventually.


If you hadn't had that where would you be now?
I don't know where but I know what: fatter!  ;)
Is this really living, sometimes it's hard to tell
Or is this just a kinder, gentler hell

One of these mornings you're gonna rise, rise and sing, you're gonna spread your wings and take to the sky...

Offline hugsuzie

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #572 on: October 23, 2007, 02:33:32 AM »

If you hadn't had that where would you be now?
I don't know where but I know what: fatter!  ;)

EXACTLY!!! My wieght watchers leader is always keen to point that out to us :D :-*
My folks just stopped at Suzie
Stop all the clocks.

Offline Brokeback_1

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #573 on: October 23, 2007, 02:38:35 AM »
Katie, I just thought you were busy dieting with the rest of us over on BBM Lovesick Diet


<<<<<<<<<runs fast from thread



lol
There was some open space between what he knew and what he tried to believe but nothing could be done about it, & if you can't fix it, you've got to stand it

Offline Katiebre

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #574 on: October 23, 2007, 02:50:30 AM »
Katie, I just thought you were busy dieting with the rest of us over on BBM Lovesick Diet


<<<<<<<<<runs fast from thread

No need to run!

I'm still proud of having lost weight. (And need to work more to earn enough money for buying new clothes as the old ones look horrible on me now!) Although I intended to, and there's certainly still room for improvement, I have stopped losing.
I realised that it's a state of mind that enables me to lose weight. I'm still hoping of trying to get back there. At the time, started by BBM killing off my appetite for days, it was more like a fierce decision: I cannot change a lot of things but I can change myself, and this was one way to do it, and a very visible one at that!
Is this really living, sometimes it's hard to tell
Or is this just a kinder, gentler hell

One of these mornings you're gonna rise, rise and sing, you're gonna spread your wings and take to the sky...

Offline desertrat

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #575 on: October 23, 2007, 04:38:42 AM »
((((katie))))

i'm not sure but i think i know what you mean: in the beginning, there were so many emotions that the movie unleashed. after a while, we started processing those emotions. we made some changes in our lifes, we gained more life quality through those changes. and then, one day, we realized that this isn't everything. brokeback doesn't hold all the secrets in life and sometimes, it just isn't enough. there are other places, other people, other experiences we need to make our life full and "round". life isn't like the old quote the star trek fans used: "everything i ever needed in life i learned from star trek." no movie, no story, can give us EVERYTHING we need. it would be pretty sad if it did, because we would be rather one-dimensional beings.

those were the feelings that i had a couple of months ago, i'm not sure it's the same you are feeling but i guess....?

when i felt that way, i started inviting other things (back) into my life. it shortened my forum time, i fell out of the top ten posters list (  ::) :D)....but i felt "round" again. it didn't mean that i left the forum, above all, i have made a couple of really good friends here, and this is the best way of constant communication with them. but the forum doesn't rule my life, and as much as we love the movie, it shouldn't be the center of our life. if it was, we would have learned NOTHING from it. we would stay an ennis - hidden in another trailer, still not open and happily living in the world.  ;)

i hope all the sorrows in your life will be cleared soon...  ;) :-*
Minds are like parachutes... they both work better when opened.

Offline ayuni

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #576 on: October 23, 2007, 05:31:07 AM »

It seemed that my relationship with the movie and with the forum had somehow cooled off. The movie didn't fascinate me, have a grip on me like it used to, all of a sudden.

thanks for Sharing Katiebre, I'm sort of going through the same thing too. I watched BBM with a friend a week ago and for the first time in months I didn't cry. I was quite amazed at myself and even more so because I slept well after, I usually can not sleep for hours after viewing.
It seems that I am at the end of the digestion process. and it feels good to be able to think about other stuff other than BBM

Offline Katiebre

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #577 on: October 23, 2007, 07:51:40 AM »
((((katie))))

i'm not sure but i think i know what you mean: in the beginning, there were so many emotions that the movie unleashed. after a while, we started processing those emotions. we made some changes in our lifes, we gained more life quality through those changes. and then, one day,

... I realised that I had slipped back into the old ways.
That I still need to look out for what's good for me.

But you are absolutely right in saying that BBM isn't everything. After all we are deeply rooted in our real lives here in the real world. This is where things happen. And this is where it counts.

The movie was the big kick to get us rise up and start figuring out what needs to be done (and of course, to eventually do it)!

when i felt that way, i started inviting other things (back) into my life. it shortened my forum time, i fell out of the top ten posters list (  ::) :D)....but i felt "round" again. it didn't mean that i left the forum, above all, i have made a couple of really good friends here, and this is the best way of constant communication with them. but the forum doesn't rule my life, and as much as we love the movie, it shouldn't be the center of our life. if it was, we would have learned NOTHING from it. we would stay an ennis - hidden in another trailer, still not open and happily living in the world.  ;)

Good point.
I never quite achieved a good time management where this forum was concerned.

i hope all the sorrows in your life will be cleared soon...  ;) :-*

Thank you, Martina.
So do I.



And thanks Ayuni!
Yes, after a while real life blends in slowly again. But I am sure that digestion process takes much longer than a few weeks.
« Last Edit: October 23, 2007, 08:17:56 AM by Katiebre »
Is this really living, sometimes it's hard to tell
Or is this just a kinder, gentler hell

One of these mornings you're gonna rise, rise and sing, you're gonna spread your wings and take to the sky...

Offline dejavu

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #578 on: October 23, 2007, 01:32:45 PM »
I have some reaction to all of the above.

My feelings toward the movie BBM have also cooled off considerably.  I still think it's a great movie, I still get emotional (and tearful, but not quite as tearful) every time I watch it, and I still try to live by the lessons it held for me.  But I don't think about BBM the movie every day.

For me, even my Forum experience has moved beyond strictly BBM.  I've been involved in the book and film clubs, reading other books and watching other movies which shared something in common with BBM, yet were different.  Books about other times in the American West.  Books about modern gay characters (fiction or non-fiction).  And keeping up friendships with people from all over, through places like the Diner -- where we talk about everything under the sun.

One benefit of meeting new people has been the chance to go places and do things I never imagined I would.  When did I ever imagine that I'd be walking around Chelsea and Greenwich Village at night ... or sitting on a NYC park bench on a sunny afternoon listening to jazz and watching people walk their dogs ... or touring a Masonic Hall ... or listening to people sing karaoke at a gay bar in DC ... or attempting to keep up with an instructor for line dance and two-step lessons?  Or even going to some really fun restaurants?  That's thanks to all of my new friends and acquaintances, and you can't continue being an Ennis doing those things.

But, for me, the best part of this whole experience has been the friendships that I have developed in-person with various people at the different gatherings.  Some of you are very special to me.  And if there were no such thing as "Brokies" any longer, I would still want you to be in my real life as friends.  The Forum is just a link between us when we can't be together in person.

Jack's from Texas.
Texans don't drink coffee?

Offline dahlia

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #579 on: October 23, 2007, 01:59:18 PM »
You know I always feel that there is a price to pay for every post here, and not necessarily much to be gained. And sometimes that price is too high. I hope you get some sort of balance back however that may be.

 

Wow! Sounds serious.......I'm not sure I understand what you're meaning  ???

Offline BayCityJohn

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #580 on: October 23, 2007, 05:48:58 PM »

In the first days and weeks after seeing BBM this spring I could hardly think of anything else, and I cried a lot. It got me started thinking about myself and my life and I realised something needed to change.
Some things did change, I felt I became more lively, was connected more to my deeper self, I was in a new mental mode and lost 10 kilos of weight. I was here a lot and I really let it out, I had a lot of fun. All this was part of my daily routine, and of course that was disrupted when the school summer holidays started.
Of course they are long over again by now but somehow I feel like I slipped back into things as they were before and I do not feel good with it. So in a way after all these months I'm back to square one.

I understand where you're coming from Katie. I've felt the same way many times in the past year.

You can never go back to square one. You're way past that now.

I've been on the forum for a year and a half now, and I can remember how in them earlier days all my friends thought I was losing it, that this was an unhealthy obsession. At the time I didn't know how to explain to them what the forum was really about. I also spent the whole day here most of the time, even if it caused me to get behind at my job.

And while all of that was going on, I never really felt that anything had changed. That is until I lost my job in March of this year. At first I thought I would never have a good job again. The economy in Michigan is really poor. I knew I could maybe get a job in Chicago, but that was 6 hours from home and I dreaded the thought of moving at my age. Of course I talked about all of this on the forum while it was happening, and what got me through it all was the love and support of many people on this forum. I had more than a few people offer me a temporary place to stay while I looked for a new job. I eventually took someone up on her offer, and I will never be able to thank her enough.

So now I'm living and working in a part of the country that I've dreamed about for many years. I just never had the motivation to change my life and really do it.

I still feel the need to make changes. A couple of weeks ago I felt that I was back at square one too. I posted a couple of comments here, and a lot of people picked up on how I was feeling.

I suppose this is a group therapy session for a lot of us. Nothing wrong with that.

Somehow it always comes back to something Jari said way back:

Brokeback provided us with a language of loss that we all could understand. Brokeback hit us directly in the heart and ripped our protective layers to shreds. It left us vulnerable and raw, but also alive. Brokeback cannot give meaning or purpose to our lives, but it has exposed the need, shown us that we may have lost our direction and we need to reclaim it.

Whenever I'm feeling like things aren't right, I either read it again or listen to it:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=k3t7INA8P4o

Just that fact that you are posting your feelings today Katie means you are trying to reclaim your direction. So you have indeed changed.

Offline desertrat

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #581 on: October 24, 2007, 02:24:38 AM »
You know I always feel that there is a price to pay for every post here, and not necessarily much to be gained. And sometimes that price is too high. I hope you get some sort of balance back however that may be.

 

Wow! Sounds serious.......I'm not sure I understand what you're meaning  ???

not sure whether i'm misinterpreting suzie's post...but it certainly did mean something to me, because i often feel like this as well. by posting about my innermost feelings, i make myself vulnerable to many. not necessarily something i feel comfortable with and i am used to. and second, what's sometimes even worse, i risk being ignored. being ignored sometimes hurts even more than getting a snarky remark from some other poster. it happened to me a couple of times in the past, sometimes maybe because people were too busy and overlooked my post, sometimes they maybe didn't feel like they had anything to contribute or sometimes maybe they didn't even understand what i meant. but whatever the reason, my immediate thoughts were "they don't like me, i'm just annyoing everybody and essentially, nobody is interested in my life and my feelings."

if your not very self-confident, this can actually be very dangerous. you risk having your life depend on some postes somewhere in the world - your whole world breaking down when your post is not answered....not a healthy situation.
Minds are like parachutes... they both work better when opened.

Offline dahlia

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #582 on: October 24, 2007, 11:19:09 AM »
Ok, Martina I get what you mean. And I am answering your post because I'm interested in your life and feelings  ;)............ ;D

...seriously, yes there is truth in what you say. Maybe because this forum spoilt us a bit, there's so much love going around here that we're a little addicted to this, arent we? and if, for once, any little word we say is not warmly welcomed we might feel abandoned? Being ignored hurts. Man, it hurts!!

It can be unhealthy, I agree.

This must not become a refuge from our real daily world.

There's a little melancholy around here these days, or is it just me?


Offline neatfreak

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #583 on: October 24, 2007, 11:38:25 AM »
Yeah, I've been stung by a total lack of response a few times. I think it has more to do with timing than anything. If the conversation strikes the readers one way and my post takes another tack, there might not be any followup. Or maybe my post is just saying "me too." I always hope to reach someone with a post (don't we all?), but it doesn't always work that way. I would encourage reluctant/hurt posters to continue to try every once in a while; because, generally speaking, I've never seen a more supportive audience than the members of this thread. That's what keeps me coming back here.

Betty
Be the change you wish to see in the world.  - Mahatma Gandhi

Offline dahlia

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #584 on: October 24, 2007, 11:54:22 AM »
I would encourage reluctant/hurt posters to continue to try every once in a while; because, generally speaking, I've never seen a more supportive audience than the members of this thread. That's what keeps me coming back here.


Oh yeah, Betty, I agree. If I have to make a balance, the positive responses I've had surely exceed the silences. A LOT.
Angry remarks,  never. And this IS great.

No doubt the level of kindness and intelligence here is outstanding.