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Author Topic: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued  (Read 488072 times)

Online heavenonearth

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #3780 on: July 10, 2018, 04:20:14 AM »
What a great post!  Thanks so much for sharing!

Thank you, Chuck. Feeling so welcomed by you and other Brokies gave me the courage to share openly.
I know a love that will never grow old.

Online heavenonearth

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #3781 on: July 10, 2018, 04:40:21 AM »

I have always felt that each and every one of us come to this movie and story in our own time. Every single person here has an individual reaction in our minds and hearts that is ours and ours alone. Yes, the reactions and thoughts may be similar, but there is always just a little difference that makes it uniquely our own, but that all of us can relate to. I think this is why many of us came here and some of us remain.

Thank you so much, Linda, for your beautiful message! It means a lot. Your take is spot-on.

I love what is quoted above, it resonates with the way I see the world and its beings, each unique in their expression and perception. To me, that is the fun and beauty of it all.

I'd like to share with you, that as I travel through the threads, I always stop to read your posts, I find them interesting and often touching.
I know a love that will never grow old.

Online heavenonearth

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #3782 on: July 10, 2018, 05:06:12 AM »
It was about 2 years later when I recorded it from the television and it really “hit”me. I watched it over and over, and, like you, fell in love with the film, the characters, the actors, the music, and, a little later and in a different way, the short story. That was 10 years ago now, but the totally unexpected consequences are still with me - friendships, interests, travelling etc.

Sara, many thanks for your message!

It is very interesting how this BBM phenomenon unfolds, one surprise after another.

It makes for a different and interesting experience being on my own in many of the threads, but it's okay, that's how it was meant to be.

I had no interest in travelling these last two years, and then 2 weeks ago an opportunity for a retreat in the foothills of the Rockies, in Loveland, Colorado!! came my way. I jumped at the opportunity. In a matter of one hour, everything was booked. I have been yearning to go to the mountains for months...it's partly BBM fever but it goes deeper... I have loved the mountains all my life, even as a child.

I will not be sharing with Brokies, but as it goes in life, I will be bringing all of my experience with me, so as I soak up those gorgeous mountains, Jack & Ennis, Heath and Jake, and all of you will be with me.

As I said to Linda, I also read your posts. I caught many of your very first ones in this thread. It's very heartwarming to read messages from 10 years ago knowing these members are still part of the forum. Thanks again Sara.
I know a love that will never grow old.

Offline janiebbmart

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #3783 on: July 10, 2018, 06:28:47 AM »
Thank you for your beautiful, honest and moving post Michelle.  :-*

Online heavenonearth

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #3784 on: July 10, 2018, 07:03:31 AM »
Thank you for your beautiful, honest and moving post Michelle.  :-*

Many thanks, dear Janie. xox
I know a love that will never grow old.

Online Sara B

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #3785 on: July 10, 2018, 07:22:26 AM »
I hope your trip to the mountains goes really well, Michelle. I’ve always loved mountains too, and an just back from a week in the Austrian Alps.
There were only the two of them on the mountain flying in the euphoric, bitter air, looking down on the hawk's back and the crawling lights of vehicles on the plain below, suspended above ordinary affairs....

Online heavenonearth

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #3786 on: July 10, 2018, 08:09:24 AM »
I hope your trip to the mountains goes really well, Michelle. I’ve always loved mountains too, and an just back from a week in the Austrian Alps.

Oh, that sounds like an amazing experience! How lovely for you, Sara.

I will be going near the end of September. God willing, it falls into place as planned. 
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Offline killersmom

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #3787 on: July 15, 2018, 02:14:50 PM »
I'd like to share with you, that as I travel through the threads, I always stop to read your posts, I find them interesting and often touching.

Thanks so much, Michelle. I am always worried and wonder that what I write makes sense and hope that folks who read my posts can take something away from what I write and what I feel.

I know it's been almost 13 years for me, I still feel today as I did then. I know this feeling will always be with me.
Nature has cunning ways of finding our weakest spot.
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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #3788 on: July 15, 2018, 03:32:51 PM »
Thanks so much, Michelle. I am always worried and wonder that what I write makes sense and hope that folks who read my posts can take something away from what I write and what I feel.

I know it's been almost 13 years for me, I still feel today as I did then. I know this feeling will always be with me.

I hear you Linda, I often go back and reread my posts and correct some words or I question what I shared. It mostly comes from the heart and from where I stand, so do your words, so we cannot go wrong.

Your words, the way you express yourself, resonate in my heart. I hope it’s okay I bring this up... I remember one post in particular from 2016 that I actually saved because I thought it was so beautiful and touching, it stayed with me. You shared the following while remembering the fast-paced times on the forum: "before I go to sleep I am transported back there and I smile and remember. I'd like to think this is what got Jack and Ennis through all those years between meetings.” How lovely! Once in a while, when I feel moved by someone’s words, I will save them to read them again later.

I also love what you wrote in this post, that the feeling is still present today and will always be with you. To me that is the beauty of BBM, the love found in the story and in every aspect of the film and this amazing forum never leaves us. It may simply take on a new form in our life and that is the blessing with this experience. Once love is discovered, it can never go away, it just wants to multiply and extend! 

Thank you, Linda.
I know a love that will never grow old.

Online heavenonearth

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #3789 on: July 18, 2018, 04:02:50 PM »
Hello Brokies,

I would like to share more on the impact of BBM.

I have gone through this thread and a big chunk of Part 1. I see that many have pointed to this, how BBM made them feel alive with feelings. Feelings of sadness, longing, heartbreak, joy, love, aloneness, loneliness, regret…as though the movie and/or the SS cracked their hearts open, and everything came pouring in and out. It all became alive again. I can so relate.

I came to that realization - that life is "being ignited with myriad feelings" - in the last year or so. Then came the integration, which is an eternal process in my experience. It is while in the crux of this integration that BBM came back into my life. There are no coincidences...

I have been more like Ennis in my life, not that I have been afraid of romantic love, I have been brave some, although going ahead while feeling undeserving of it. But like Ennis, I suppressed many feelings. I did so with the feelings I perceived at the time as “negative” such as anger, sadness, heartbreak... Sixty years + of doing so led to depressed feelings and a great detachment and disconnect to life. Before the realization, I had resigned myself to go through the motions and that I would find peace in the afterlife. Never suicidal but definitely depressed.

A lot of this attitude and those beliefs re feelings were related to my upbringing… Everyone involved was innocent, they did not know anything else and so neither did I, until the realization. And in my eyes, neither did Ennis or Jack. They knew what they knew, their conditioning, their experience…how could they choose outside of that? That is why I could never judge either character. And for me, to do so, takes away from their great love story. They both loved each other unconditionally, frustrations included of course, and that is the beauty and inspiration of their love. And to be honest, nothing in me wishes to change one iota of that awesomely beautiful heart wrenching story. A kick in the gut, a shot in the heart it is, and that is why we are here, still, and that is why the impact is so powerful and transformative.

For me, BBM confirmed, through others’ testimonies and through my own recent experience, that life happens in the heart. That is were our feelings are felt and that is where emotions cross our being. Remove feelings and what are we left with? Images. We often attach stories to those images and that is okay but that is not where we feel alive, it is in our feelings, in our hearts. I remember a few months ago telling a friend, while pointing to my heart area, that I use to be dead there, and then pointing to my head saying that is where I obsessively analyzed and ruminated incessantly. So, I guess Ennis realized many many years before I did, although he paid a dear prize for the realization. Still…he was ignited with love through Jack’s death. That's Ennis' story.

I think IMHO that the movie hit me and many of us as hard as it did and does because it wakes our sleeping hearts, it makes us feel alive to the core and that is an exhilarating feeling.

I have been deeply grateful the last 2 years for what life has revealed, and now I have this beautiful gift of BBM, in all its aspects including this forum, to delight in and find proof over and over how life is diverse and more importantly, all-inclusive. Feel, feel, feel, all my feelings! That’s pretty much it for me. It could be written on my tombstone.

And of course, I can’t post this and not say "some little word"  :) about my darling Heath. I know, ad nauseum maybe...I also feel that I have found an inexplicable love through BBM, and that is my love for Heath, the beautiful human being that he was and the spirit he now is that pierces hearts all over the world, still. This love ignites me big time. To think I did not really know who he was 10 months ago is incomprehensible to me.

Thank you for this opportunity to share more.

with love always
Michelle
xox





« Last Edit: July 19, 2018, 07:54:53 AM by heavenonearth »
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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #3790 on: July 18, 2018, 04:51:25 PM »
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings, Michelle!

It's always a treat to read just how "our film" affected everyone, and how they reacted to it!

Online heavenonearth

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Re: How Brokeback Affected Me--continued
« Reply #3791 on: July 18, 2018, 05:23:34 PM »
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings, Michelle!

It's always a treat to read just how "our film" affected everyone, and how they reacted to it!

Thank you, dear Chuck. xx
I know a love that will never grow old.