Hi there. This is Miral Paris. I have a new address, though, cause I forgot my old one.
My story is that BBM put me in touch with the part of me that misses passion and romance. I had that when I was dating, but I have really missed it in my marriage. I love my hubby--he is truly my soulmate--because for various reasons he's not the passionate type; doesn't like kissing and not much interested in sex. I had talked before that now that we are 46 and 51, I felt that that passionate time of my life was gone. Well, maybe if he dies first I'll be a 70-year-old match.com person.
Anyway, things are looking up! I took the reins (ha) and acted very differently ... "
Hello Miral. My apologies for not having answered your questions to me on the original Affected thread.
There, you asked me this:
"First, to Johnny X: I can't believe we have so much in common. Both partners with skin diseases? You'll have to explain how I can send a private message so I can ask you more about that.
Confused: You spoke about a wife, then also a man partner who broke your heart. I can think of several scenarios under which that might happen, but I'l rather be filled in...."
My responses:
First: PMs: When you log on, a box at the top of the page says something like:
"Hello MiralParis7 you have xxx messages ..." The NUMBER of messages will be underlined. Just click on that hyperlink and it will take you to the PM facility. There you can read each one.
To reply, just hit "Quote" and put your comments AFTER the last quote box on the page.
You can edit the quote, just by going into it and deleting whatever you don't want to send.
(just don't delete the stuff within square brackets though, as they are the cues to the system for the quotes.)
You can also write WITHIN that quotation if you wish, but try to use a different colour, all capitals, etc. to differentiate your comments from the original.
Alternatively, instead of hitting "Quote", just hit "Reply", where you just start writing whatever you want; and none of the original message will be included. (unless you copy and paste it from the copy of it further down the page). HTH somewhat.
NEXT: on to ME. My apologies again, this time for the confusion which I caused by being too brief in my reply. My stories are in Affected, but I will try to give you here a brief synopsis of how BBM affected me.
I saw BBM, and came to this site, as a straight, long-married monogamous man, with a loving wife, and two adult children.
Several years ago I saw a psychologist after realising that I had fallen in love with a male work colleague. BUT I was emphatic that it was purely an emotional love, and NOT physical or sexual.
That psychologist suggested that I should do some reading about male sexuality; and suggested the studies of Masters and Johnson to start with. Well, I still haven't got to them, but have read a lot elsewhere on the topic. This enquiry process impelled me to see BBM. Like you and so many of our friends on here, I was blown away by it, and received the Kick in the Guts from it which many of us recognise. Most of all, I was outraged at the true INJUSTICES which that film portrayed, as suffered by males who love other males. BTW: Jack and Ennis are 3 years older than I am; so I can relate very well to their contexts in SO MANY ways.
After reading on this site for a long time, I finally raised the courage to join, and to post on Affected. In those pre-troll days on here, we could PM each other immediately upon joining, and I started PMs with a few fellow-travellers in here.
Within days, after spending up to 6 hours online together each night, I knew that I had fallen head-over-heels in love with another man on this list; who is also married -- but to another man. So THAT is why my original reply to you was so confusing.
He was very supportive and understanding and loving, in response to my emotional turmoil at so many things, including the fact that I still did (and still do) love my wife DEEPLY and wish to spend the rest of my life with her; AND at my heterosexual and homophobic realisation for the first time in my life that I wanted to have a physical relationship with this new wonderful man in my life. (He and I got into cyber-sex). The love that he and I developed, however, soon caused him emotional turmoil; and we had both decided previously that if either of our marriages became at risk because of our relationship, then it would have to end. Before long we had to end it: just over 11 months ago. I still CRAVE him; but at long last the pain has finally gone! Just the love and the craving and wishing and hoping etc remains. He refuses to reply to my messages. (I can understand that in the circumstances; but it still hurts me greatly). What has saved me has been the love of two very special other men on this list, who I treasure greatly, and have had the great pleasure of meeting in person. I am also being sustained by wonderful and regular communications with several other very special people from this list.
So, where am I now? By falling in love in this way, I have broken my wife's heart; and he has broken my heart. Two broken hearts! But my wife is wonderfully loving and supportive, and sticks by me through some very tough times for both of us.
And yet, I do not regret having seen BBM. I do not regret falling in love with that gorgeous man. I TREASURE my new-found loving friends, and hope that we might be very close friends for the rest of our lives. Their daily messages enrich my life. Every day is like Xmas Day when I receive their loving messages. I feel blessed in so many ways.
So dear Miral, there you have the nutshell version.
I am so thrilled to read in your most recent post that YOU have now managed to channel the emotional and psychological impact of BBM into the new-found relationship with your husband. Warmest wishes are sent to you, for a happy and successful continuation of that process.
Feel free to send me PMs when you are able, and ask whatever questions you wish to. I am happy to answer them to the best of my ability.
Bye for now: JohnnyX.
