The Ultimate Brokeback Forum

Author Topic: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me  (Read 109650 times)

Online dejavu

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #15 on: November 14, 2007, 05:24:34 AM »
Thanks, Ingy and Rob...and Chuck and Sue, who mentioned it in the Diner...cool meeting (and knowing) all of you, too.
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Texans don't drink coffee?

Offline sarah

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #16 on: November 14, 2007, 09:13:23 AM »
Two years after seeing the movie and joining the forum, I continue to use Brokeback Mountain to teach my college sociology courses on family and on violence.  I'm now teaching on-line!  I probably wouldn't have ventured into that realm had it not been for the comfort level here.  I continue to display framed pictures of the boys in my bedroom, and for the first time forgot to take them down when the cleaning crew paid a visit -- don't know what they thought!  I do take ribbing, but the film and forum have given me the incentive to buy land out in the country, and to appreciate many other kinds of movies in a way that I had neglected to do since having children.  I don't post often, but I read nearly everyday, and the comfort is indescribable.
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Offline TwistEnnis

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #17 on: November 14, 2007, 07:46:32 PM »
...............hmmmmmm, where to start. 
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Offline Ellen (tellyouwhat)

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #18 on: November 14, 2007, 08:53:42 PM »
Two years after seeing the movie and joining the forum, I continue to use Brokeback Mountain to teach my college sociology courses on family and on violence.  I'm now teaching on-line!  I probably wouldn't have ventured into that realm had it not been for the comfort level here.  I continue to display framed pictures of the boys in my bedroom, and for the first time forgot to take them down when the cleaning crew paid a visit -- don't know what they thought!  I do take ribbing, but the film and forum have given me the incentive to buy land out in the country, and to appreciate many other kinds of movies in a way that I had neglected to do since having children.  I don't post often, but I read nearly everyday, and the comfort is indescribable.

sarah, I loved your entire post, but especially the bit about the framed pics of the guys.  The cleaning crews eventually know all our secrets.  :)
« Last Edit: November 15, 2007, 09:57:19 AM by tellyouwhat »
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Offline Nikki

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #19 on: November 15, 2007, 11:02:16 AM »


A while back I posted in 'How Brokeback Affected Me.'  This new thread offers a different slant -- it's not just about the movie, but about our relationship to the Forum itself.

I came to DCF because I was looking for comments on BBM after seeing the film (I had read the story previously), and was entranced by the whole production: actors, story, and scenery.   I stumbled on the Forum accidentally, and began to lurk for a long time before joining. I erroneously assumed there would be more gay commentary and members, and hesitated to join thinking  that as a straight women I would be seen as an interloper.  However, after lurking for several months I soon discovered the diversity of the members, so I decided to join.  Eventually, I became active in the book and film clubs, and posted occasionally on other threads.

Although I have never met anyone from the Forum in person, my travels have included Ireland twice and Italy a second time in four years, I doubt I will have time to do so. I do enjoy reading the postings of many members, and feel like I could pick them out in a crowded room just by their on-line discussions. It's amazing how distinctive one's writing voice is when that's all you have to judge. 

Okay, enough blather.  Let's get to it!  How has the DCF affected me?  Well, I didn't come here in tears or looking for a life-changing discovery.  However, what I have taken away from this membership is that I feel I know gay people better and more intimately than I did before joining the Forum.  I am now interested in reading about how homophobia affected some members; how their families reacted to their coming out; how AIDS affected those who lost friends; how some suffered from youth and still do, and most of all, how so many have lived a happy and fulfilled life in spite of events that would have crippled many people. 

I can count on one hand how many gay people I know in RL, so being a member of the Forum has introduced me to so many who, even though they are virtual as opposed to real, have affected me in new ways -- I'm interested in their lives and how they live; what they do with their free time; their relationships; their happiness and, most of all, their humanity which is reflected in the kindness and understanding that they exhibit in the various commentaries I read here.

Okay, enough.  I guess I've been given more than I've contributed here. It may seem selfish, but know this: I've learned from the Forum, and for me this has been a life-changing event!

The shirts hanging on a nail shudder slightly in the draft.

If he does not force his attention on it, it might stoke the day, rewarm that old, cold time on the mountain when they owned the world and nothing seemed wrong.

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But to be young was very heaven!

Offline Flyboy

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #20 on: November 15, 2007, 07:44:54 PM »
...............hmmmmmm, where to start. 
my feeling exactly; since I lurked for 18 months before finally joining up, how the forum affected me before joining was totally different than after I joined. I need to compose something halfway articulate to post here. I'm working on it.

Offline Miaisland

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #21 on: November 16, 2007, 03:10:12 AM »
This forum is already important to me. It's strange because I have only been a member for a month, I have far from discovered all the threads and I have just started to learn to know other members.

The film blew of as a bomb or something in my life sunday september 30. Except for my family and closest friends everything in my life had before that changed in so many ways. I was (am) in mourning and in less than a year I went from being much too busy, always surrounded by others to nearly isolated. I had for too long arranged things for others or been a support for friends in need without noticing it was not a two way thing. In a way I had a public persona a lot of people was attracted to I guess. It hurt me so much. It still does as I now and then keep on trying.

So right now I am really sensitive to rejections IRL and overwhelmed with my strong reactions to the film and all that is going through my mind. A lot of things, some I will probably never ever talk about. As I could not imagine to talk to someone I know about BBM I searched the internet and found the forum. I started to read ‘how Brokeback affected me’, both from the archived and the continued thread. Behind the words I recognized real human beings, real people and warm hearts. Without hesitation I decided to join. Never mind I had no experiences from communicating like this before. Never mind opinions about using internet instead of real life relationships. For me, right now,  this forum is the opposite to stay more or less isolated and to keep most of my emotions within.

I can also say that some of the the easier threads are important. When I joined I thought I needed the threads for analyzing and deeper thoughts more. When I spent time at the easier threads I thought I did so to get used to the forum and writing in English. Some nights ago at the Diner I discovered that what I am really looking for now is some fun. I spend too much time crying as it is. We laughed so hard, the strangest thing really to do with people so far away. To me a new and wonderful experience.

You all made this a welcoming and friendly place. It already affects me a lot.

“Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach.” - Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Online dejavu

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #22 on: November 16, 2007, 06:11:31 AM »
Some nights ago at the Diner I discovered that what I am really looking for now is some fun. I spend too much time crying as it is. We laughed so hard, the strangest thing really to do with people so far away. To me a new and wonderful experience.

You all made this a welcoming and friendly place. It already affects me a lot.

I'm so glad that you have joined us, Mia, and that you are enjoying it here.
Jack's from Texas.
Texans don't drink coffee?

Offline royandronnie

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #23 on: November 21, 2007, 10:33:03 PM »
I thought it would be appropriate to post this on Thanksgiving…

You know, the thing is that Cullen.com has become such a part of me, and my life, that it's kind of hard to filter out the effect it's had on me after a year and a half. But tell you what--it ain't no little thing.

God. What a ride it's been. I think it was links to pictures that brought me here first. That, and the glimmering of an understanding of the story deeper than the surface that I uncovered on IMDB or something: "Does Lureen mean more than she says with 'husbands don't never seem to want a dance with their wives?'" But you had to join the site to find out more, and I wasn't a joiner. And then I ended up here, and started reading. And joining. And soon, writing.

I have the soul of Jack inside the shell of Ennis--a natural loner who doesn't meet others easily. And of course, you hear all kinds of horror stories about meeting people you've been talking to on the Internet. But a year ago October something moved me to take the plunge with Canstandit when I found out where she lives just as I was going there myself--and I've never looked back. One thing the Forum has certainly done is make me put myself in the path of people I don't know and let the chips fall where they may.

Certainly reading and writing in Elements and Themes has sharpened my thinking. While Ennis and Jack's Sex Life and Ignorant Straight Girls has been an eye-opener of a rather different sort! But of course my heart belongs to Photocaptions. What joy, and what poignance I have found in there.

I feel like I'm just stuttering here. I want to say that I've learned an awful lot, most of it terrible, about being gay. I knew you who are faced discrimination and violence, but I didn't know a thing about the pain and shame that have been a part of so many of your lives. It's just absurd that so many are driven to drink, drugs, food bingeing, self-hatred and suicide because they just want to fuck and love someone with the same genitals. It is so wrong.

But I’ve also learned something else about being gay: two partners of the same sex have the freedom to define their relationship without any of the automatic pressure to conform to gender stereotype that all hetero couples know. As a square peg of a straight woman, I envy you that.

You've all given me so much--stimulation of intellect, belly laughs, sex ed, empathy, friendship, and even admiration from those who have taken the time to comment on my fiction and poetry--and sometimes on my Photocaptions and other postings too.

All this from a movie about two gay cowboys. They didn't live happily ever after, but we seem to be managing it pretty well, most days.

The movie will always stand alone and beautiful, and those beautiful men will always move through their great and terrible story with the same terrible inevitability. But in here, in each and all of us, we have our own Brokeback on which Jack and Ennis live forever, and because of each other, and them, we have all taken our small steps to make sure that someday their tragedy will be almost incomprehensible.

Anyway. Regards from my bit of the Mountain, and especially to:

Canstandit                                iwishiknew           
Brokeback_1 and Katrina                       HR
Gnash                                ingmarnicebbmt
CellarDweller                             Oregondoggie
Amdaz                                Cynical21
Mouk                                   Lyle(Mooska)
Jannis                                jasonwv
Desecra                                planetgal471
Ministering Angel                             maturben
TwistandShout                              Boris
Bobby19in1963                             Jack
Tfmisc                                RodneyFL/WY
RickB                                   Lauragigs
Baileymoyes                                  freetraveller

Janjo                                   Sienata
Bubo                                   Dal
Magicmountain                             Sandy
Rosewood                                Nax
backtobrokeback                             Lance
trubrokeback                             beckela
B73                                   citygirl
BigEd                                   denimgirl
TexRob                                killersmom
EDelMar                                PatSinnott
Vic                                   ruth
Sid401K                                littledarlin
Doodler                                en e me
chapeaugris                             Melisande
jnov                                   LoveEmBoys
gres                                   bcatjr

lintelomiel
peggyz
twistfullheart
lovelyamazing
ImJack/ImEnnis
mwp2paris
Girolamo

With special thanks of course to…Dave

"…in the family homestead of his dead lover, the shirts they wore while cowboying together long before: shabby denim and weary cotton, wrapped in each other's arms." Like this. Always.

He either fears his fate too much
Or his deserts are small
Who dares not put it to the touch
To win or lose it all

Offline freetraveller

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #24 on: November 21, 2007, 11:22:42 PM »
I have the soul of Jack inside the shell of Ennis...

Thank you so much, Charlotte, for your beautiful & eloquent post  :-*
That quote above struck me deeply: I am not too dissimilar and that's probably why Ennis and Jack have taken such a special place in my soul, I can't think of one without the other.
Happy Thanksgiving from *this* side of the mountain  ;)
Travellers are those who find what they were not looking for...

Offline CellarDweller115

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #25 on: November 22, 2007, 10:57:05 AM »
Charlotte, thanks sooo much for sharing your thoughts here!

I had the opportunity to meet Charlotte in Estes Park, and was not disappointed.  She is a wonderful, and interesting woman, and has a tender heart.

When we parted ways in Estes Park, Charlotte approached me with a small gift she had found in one of the shops there, and placed it in my hand.  It was a heart shaped stone.  She also gave me a sweet message to go with it, that I will keep to myself.

I have that heart on my dresser in my bedroom, and see it every day when I wake up.

Offline Oregondoggie

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #26 on: November 22, 2007, 01:30:20 PM »
Charlotte has sent up a prayer of thanks for all of us...

Offline Zudos

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #27 on: November 25, 2007, 10:52:57 AM »
Have been trying to put my thoughts together since first mentioning this idea to Dave and Meli - Here is where I am so far....

Being a member of any internet forum has been an incredibly learning experience for me…

When I first read Brokeback in 2005, it floored my world, and I did not know how to find people to talk to about it. Through some google searching I ended up finding Dave’s original blog, and made a post. I felt incredibly exposed and thought that I had laid myself open. There were several replies, and I got an email from Parenthetical Greg, and we became friends, and he really got me through the next couple of months before the film came out.

Every time I saw the trailer on the website it made me cry, and listening to Teddy Thompson’s album at that time continuously is synonymous with the way that I was feeling, desolate, alone and missing out on important LIFE…

The forum came into being in December 2005, and I was not able to join it – It was too BIG and intimidating and it felt like everyone in the world was reading what I wrote, and knew exactly who I was.

Greg again persuaded me, and signed up my membership.

At first I was nervous and then found the thread for UK members started by HelenUK, and it was great to interact with other UK members, and as the film released in the UK, to talk about the impact here and understand it…. Also to read of all the other experiences around the world, although not living there not fully understanding.

The forum was an utter sanctuary of people who knew exactly where I was in my life as they were in the same place.

Over the next few months it gave an opportunity to get to know some of the posters better, and through chat in the diner, become cyber friends with many…

As in life when you meet a new bunch of people, some that you are firstly close to drift away, and some you separate yourself from, and then there are those that you become closer and closer to and they become part of your regular life, and enrich it immensely.   

My relationship with the forum has at times been stormy… Sometimes I get so incensed by the attitudes and opinions of some posters that it makes it necessary to disappear for a while, but not to the point of deleting my account. I want to be able to look back at what I wrote, and even if it’s not how I feel now, it’s a reminder of how I felt then, at that point in time. Like looking at old photos…Feeling that nostalgia.

Whoever thought that we would get to that stage with an internet forum.LOL  :D :D :D :D

BUT above all else, when there are things happening in my life the forum is still like a haven of hope, and to find familiar and NEW faces all the time is immensely important to my life.

My forum life, compliments my real life, and I do not get the two confused or rolled into one – It just does not work that way for me.

If three years ago someone said to me that I would spend holidays and Christmas/New Year with a bunch of people I met on the internet – I would have told them they were MAD!!!!!!!

Yet here I am, and so grateful for the support, love and friendship that I have. Am not going to name names, otherwise I am sure I would miss someone out, but you know who you are…  :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*

But I feel that I must especially mention:

Sarah/BBMBLISS - You are a special friend and I am really grateful to have you in my life  :-*

Jari/Boris - You are like a big brother to me - I love the time we spend together and all the wisdom you impart  :-*

Jackie/PaintedShoes - To me the love, affection and care you give radiates from your heart and to me you are the matriach of the forum  :-*

Nellie/McNell - We met in 2006 and those 3 days with you still have a HUGE impact on me - We have a connection that I am so grateful for  :-*

There are literally hundreds more, but enough gushing for now  ;D   

And special thanks to Dave Cullen – I know why you originally set up your blog, but to have the forum grow and grow, and to continue to put your time and energy into it is amazing. I know how much the arguing and disagreements are irritating, but thanks for sticking with it all, and continuing to add your name and energy to the forum…  ;D :) ;) :-*

I know I will be here for its duration, in varying amounts, but here…       
 
     
 
The Greatest thing is to love and be loved in return...

Or

To breakfast at PRADA

Online dejavu

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #28 on: November 25, 2007, 11:30:55 AM »
Great post, Wayne.    :)
Jack's from Texas.
Texans don't drink coffee?

Offline paintedshoes

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #29 on: November 25, 2007, 02:33:21 PM »
I hope you know how very much I love you, Wayne...not because of those lovely words you said about me, but because of the great heart you have and the great love YOU give to all around you.

This Forum allowed, encouraged, maybe even FORCED a lot of us to look at ourselves through the mirror of a film, and the friendships we made here are what keep this place ALIVE....with feeling, with laughter, with not a few tears and no little anger, but ALIVE.

« Last Edit: November 26, 2007, 06:52:06 AM by paintedshoes »
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