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Author Topic: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me  (Read 101603 times)

Offline CellarDweller115

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #60 on: December 27, 2007, 06:53:03 PM »
Hello Milo!

I'm glad you're enjoying your stay here!


The person that got me to stop lurking was amdaz. I'm not even sure if he's here any more.


Yes, Amdaz is still a member, and posted as recently as 2 weeks ago, before the holidays.  He said that life was busy, but he would be back and around again.

Offline Flyboy

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #61 on: December 27, 2007, 07:46:15 PM »
It was the same for me too, Milo.........only the person that finally got me to join up really is not a member here any longer. Strange feeling, but I stayed anyway, and keep track of him from others, so all is well. I'm still trying to decide how the Forum has affected me, strange as this may sound, I actually enjoyed 'lurking' before joining. But I have found many warm and understanding folks in here, think I'll stay awhile longer, feels right..........thanks Dave for this place........

Offline Petrus Christus

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #62 on: December 27, 2007, 11:01:21 PM »
it's so nice reading so many stories of what an impact the place has made. i think that's the nicest christmas present i got this week.

  Man......!!!!!!!!!!!...., we freakin' love you !!!

  Your idea for this amazing blog was the spark that unleashed so much creative energy....!!!, and enabled countless numbers of us to experience emotional release, real liberation and a unique fellowship!
  We even have our very own book in our national archive,The Library of Congress.., thanks to you!

  Blessings on you in the coming year Dave!  You are 'da Man'..!

  Zadoc

Offline Brokeback_1

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #63 on: December 28, 2007, 03:49:41 AM »
Well, since joining--in itself something I 'didn't do'--this forum has not only provided a place to bounce ideas and get encouragement, but a place where I'd get told to stuff it when going off the deep end. My blowups on here have been rare and brief but memorable>>>>but memorable as well  was the  kindness afterwards.  The scene by scene and elements  helped to get my mind working again, scary though  that may sound LOL. The 'risk taking' involved with meeting complete strangers made me more stable as a man, more confident. For the first time in a very long while I began exploring, began opening up again. There is a lot to do still, but Cellardwellar's saying>>>I'm not where I want to be but  at least I'm not where I USED to be---says it all. For every annoying person here, there are 30 lovely human beings whose presence  negates the annoyance. The awesome example set by people like Chuck, jack, royandronnie, JeffWrangler, FrontRanger, Adam, Rodney, WLAjoe, desertrat, CSI, Jackie, Heidi and Carol, Linda, Marian, The Truly Humbling Tellyouwhat--and so many others---made me into what I hope is a better man.

 The feeling felt after viewing BBM the first time has never left me, and this place provided a refuge and boost, a place to connect....to "work it through".
 The love, caution, encouragement, and yes the  AGGRAVATION and occasional rage extended by and to  and with  this forum's people  helped me to re-connect with life. They--YOU--helped give me the guts to re-connect with my exBF after FOUR F'ING YEARS. The example and guts of so many of you helped very very much in understanding the lessons of Brokeback.

The Forum helped me to not" do an Ennis", helped me to  say I Love You to a woman I'd fallen for when we were both 19, a woman who is now my  wife. It helped me stand tall and ask for her after 30 years of saying Let BE, after 15 years of trying to be the father to her beautiful boy,  whose biofather "couldn't be bothered". Members, no, FRIENDS  here   helped me  get engaged with STYLE, hat over my heart in front of half of Wyoming. Later, those fiends  helped me to get married w/o losing my mind.

The Forum led me to re-connect with Manhattan. It actually got me to MOVE to Denver and the Front Range, which made my wife's family know I meant business! Now, I can't say I've ever LOVED either Metro-Denver OR the Front Range but had always thought them 'OK'....yet  over the past 2 years I have learned to LOATHE Metro- Denver and the Front Range along with the whole state of Colorado [lolololololol].  So that one is a bit of  a mixed blessing.....but Wyoming is 90 miles away......while the Apple  is usually but not always 129 bucks each way on JetBlue. Like I said, that one is a mixed blessing.....but it gave and daily gives Katrina the knowledge that her husband  Loves HER Enough to settle here even when he whispers And let's get the hell out when the real estate market recovers, OK honey???!!!
We are downtown. It could be MUCH worse: we could be in the   >:D  BURBS!!! Or even worse....not together at all, her lonely in Denver, me lonely in Brooklyn.

Being on the forum definately helped get me to write again.  Yes, I attribute THAT to this Forum's Tellyouwhat, to my wife's unwavering support, attribute as well to my son's wild enthusiasm after reading a few things. On that one give credit where it's due, to Amy's Shades of Grey, to a notice on TDS which  sent some of   us to Casper, to--again--Ellen's  simple to hell with it: Let's Go. And there I met the Denver Brokies, there a group of us  directly met the awesome Miss Proulx; never underestimate  the EXAMPLE of an awesome writer who can laugh and doesn't mince words!

The forum provided a place for the human  interaction which aided and helped with all the above. Change though it has, and in some ways not for the better, let's give also give gratitude where it's due, too.
« Last Edit: December 28, 2007, 03:56:20 AM by Brokeback_1 »
There was some open space between what he knew and what he tried to believe but nothing could be done about it, & if you can't fix it, you've got to stand it

Offline ingmarnicebbmt

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #64 on: December 28, 2007, 03:54:17 AM »
My partner is happy that I'm spending time talking to people online who are not opera singers  :D

That's the funniest and wisest observation to me! I so KNOW what you mean and what he means!  ;)

WISE UP

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"And maybe, he thought, they'd never got much farther than that."

Offline ingmarnicebbmt

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #65 on: December 28, 2007, 03:54:58 AM »
Honestly, there's more going on here at DCF than one person could possibly keep up with, but its fun trying.

Beautifully said - and sooo true!

WISE UP

Ing Kräddi Böll & Ingmariposa & Ingelspringel & Ingalicious & IngWriter & Annbilivöbäll WORD WIZARD

sausage-on-a-roll-poster & charkuterimästare



"And maybe, he thought, they'd never got much farther than that."

Offline ChrisW

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #66 on: December 28, 2007, 04:10:28 AM »
My partner is happy that I'm spending time talking to people online who are not opera singers  :D

That's the funniest and wisest observation to me! I so KNOW what you mean and what he means!  ;)


yes, all those people who are not stressed-out academics  in my case.
Dave - I don't know how to thank you - have a wonderful 2008

Offline mcnell1120

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #67 on: December 28, 2007, 07:59:16 AM »
Your favorite Rican

Nellie ;D  :-*


Sweetheart, I think that may be Ricky!!!

besos!

Ricky was Cuban.  :D



wrong generation...lol


Ricky Martin.....doll......RICKY MARTIN!!  whewwwwww ::) ::) ::)
RICKY MARTIN ,tu eres mi Kiki !

Offline jack

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #68 on: December 28, 2007, 08:52:51 AM »
um, fritz, they are trying to tell you you have confoosed ricky RICARDO with menudo's ricky MARTIN.  :-[  :-[
"through Seneca Falls, and Selma, and Stonewall..."

Offline fritzkep

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #69 on: December 28, 2007, 09:22:20 AM »
um, fritz, they are trying to tell you you have confoosed ricky RICARDO with menudo's ricky MARTIN.  :-[  :-[

You mean there's another Ricky?  :D

Werd ich zum Augenblicke sagen, "Verweile doch! Du bist so schön..."

Offline Bobby19in1963

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #70 on: December 28, 2007, 10:08:26 PM »
Hi! All:

I just went back to my first post and lifted this paragraph:

So all of your posts about what you are like with this movie running through your veins now, how you feel when you are watching it and how you feel when you're not watching it, how it seems to have taken over your life...I can relate so much with all of that...but I'm still in the closet, still badly broken mentally, and just want you all to know that your acceptance of everyone else has given me hope that I can be accepted here, too.  Thanx! for letting me unburden myself.

That was my first post on Feb 6th 2006.  Since then...whew!  It has been a 'ride without reins!'

1.  I found a wonderful therapist...and he has been good for me...but my 'therapists' here have been just as wonderful.  I've met friends from around the world who have traveled to Phoenix to meet us Arizona Brokies...and the Arizona Brokies...we've become such close-knit friends that we think of each other as family.

2.  I helped research and co-authored a book, Beyond Brokeback...the Impact of a Film, along with 176 of my fellow posters, and it feels damn good.  Generations from now, my posterity will be able to say that their Grandpa Parker was there in 'the olden days' when it was so hard for some to be gay and Mormon.

3.  I'm excited that right behind sports and pets comes the Brokeback Mountain Lovesick Diet thread with almost 2500 posts.  It didn't take me long to figure out dieting was not a favorite pastime of Forum posters!  But, it has continued, even in my absence in all my bizziness, to provide wonderful support to all who come wanting to shed a few pounds, or maintain their hard won losses.

4.  I turned the disaster that was my venture 'out' to Phoenix Pride into the wonderful success that was the Rainbows Festival.

5.  I found a local MCC church, the Gentle Shepherd, and have a new family of friends there.  Knowing them led me to Patience Huntwork who, when I so Ennis-like decided I couldn't, insisted that I had to go ahead and write an OP-ED piece for my local paper (circulation 188,000) and come out as a Gay Mormon and call the Church to repentance for their horrible treatment of Gays.  Activism and my little MCC church go together, so I am on an Arizona-wide Would Jesus Discriminate? Campaign Committee...we successfully convinced the National MCC HQ to adopt it as their 40th Anniversary Project for 2008...and we're kicking it off at the SUPER BOWL right here in Glendale, Arizona.

6.  The OP-ED generated 30 pages of responses so I was asked to do a video...there's nothing like being able to tell your story to the camera...warts and all...so that everyone can hear in your own voice your commitment.

7.  Equality Arizona asked me to be their featured guest on Talk Radio AM 1480 in Phoenix tomorrow morning as they discuss Mormonism and the gay community.

Where would I be without the Forum?  Well, I have an inkling.  A gay Mormon man came out a year ahead of me on the other side of the Valley.  He didn't have the Forum, so he said he immediately began going to gay bars and trying to find his place in the world.  He has had a lot of heartache, and still is kinda lost.  So, I believe I know what it would have been like...not good...not nearly what I have had with all my friends here.

Thanx! Dave Cullen...words cannot express....

Bobby

P.S. Yes, I know...this post is all me, me, me.  I prefer to believe that every one of the things I've noted is much more about others.  I acknowledge the help I've received, and because of that and my basic instincts, I'm just trying to use whatever notoriety I might have at the present to reach out to others...to help them lose weight, to help them get a better shake from their churches, to help my fellow gay Mormons in their struggle with our church.  I learned a long time ago...somebody has to do the hard stuff...and often that somebody is me.  However, without the support I've found here, I'd be a quivering mess somewhere in a dark room.  I love each and every one of you and want only the best for us all.

I love Charlotte's tag line 'from her part of The Mountain.'  I guess we all live on Brokeback now...there seems to be plenty of room for nice, spacious homes with wonderful views, a warm fire to gather round on wintry evenings, or a nice cool breeze and clear, blue skies on a summer day...and friends right near when we need them.

As we head into a New Year let me just say thanx! once again for the love, advice, and friendship so many have offered me.  I haven't been the best of posters, needy at first and seemingly too busy of late...this is still not an easy time.  I hope you will all forgive me and realize that I've fought a mighty fight to try and keep it all together and it appears that I haven't succeeded...but that's okay...what is coming out of it is a new life, with a new family, one of my own choosing this time.

I think of Ennis in that last scene and want to wrap the Forum in my arms and just say..."I swear...."

A love that will NEVER grow old....

Offline quithammerin

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #71 on: December 28, 2007, 10:55:05 PM »
Thursday will be my second anniversary of seeing BBM.  I first read the story in a randomly borrowed copy of the New Yorker - and then re-read it, and re-read it. When I heard there would be a movie made called "Brokeback Mountain", my first thought was "You can't make a movie about that, the whole story is good only because of the incredible writing".  I was determined to see it, though, because the story had embedded itself in my psyche.  Especially when I saw the trailer  - they really had a tent scene!! he really said "I wish I knew how to quit you"!!I  felt a bit frightened about it, as if I was the only person who had ever read the story, and that now that it would be exposed to the world - part of me would somehow be exposed to the world.   I was tempted to see it alone, but some instinct made me insist on seeing it with my husband (who may have been just as happy to pass on it) and that turned out to be a good decision.

The rest is the history we are all familiar with - the weepiness, the obsession.  And it led me to this forum, with the kind of life-changing results many have cited: I have been in awe of so many of you - big-hearted, well-read, insightful, having many moving stories, just plain interesting people. As a direct result of it all, I have worked on appreciating the real love in my life, and I have a renewed commitment to making society safe for my GLBT sisters and brothers - I am not alone in any of this.

I've got to tell you about one little facet of this gem.  One of the things BBM did was stir up the surface of a deep anxiety I held, which was that men really prefer each other to women. That women really are of no interest or importance except possibly for sex.  I mean, I knew guys like Ennis, chain-smoking and monosyllabic, and they scared me.  They were a little menacing, but more than that, they carried with them an assurance that nothing I value is important: tender, civilized things, dreams, words, and of course women, who are frivolous and unnecessary in the world.  Annie Proulx showed me a way to look at those guys and see more than my own world being threatened.  This is no place for a detailed examination of the characters of J & E, but it's enough to say that what Annie showed me was worth seeing.
 
But then, an unexpected, wonderful thing started taking place on this forum:  it became clear that there were men - lots of them - who said they appreciated the participation of the women.  That is, men who had no sexual interest in women actually seemed to want to hear what we had to say, to like what we had to say.  I have not been one of the forum's more prolific participants, so a lot of this happened vicariously, but I can't discount the deep, deep  impact of some personal exchanges I had.

Through the DCF, I was given existence in a way I didn't ever realize I could have it. While I have been thrilled and moved to find that I'm sharing a journey with other women in various parts of the world (*waves*), I really can't overstate the significance of your acceptance, guys. Thanks, thanks, thanks.   And thanks to Dave Cullen for making it all possible. 
« Last Edit: December 28, 2007, 11:21:42 PM by quithammerin »
"This happen a other people?  What the hell do they do?"  -  Ennis Del Mar

Offline Oregondoggie

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #72 on: December 30, 2007, 03:06:57 AM »
Every day the weather map on TV here in Portland shows Wyoming.  The Big Horns.  Brokenback Mountain.  Lightning Flat.  Sage. --Storms.  Sunny weather.  Wind.  Maybe snow.

Every day Dave Cullen's Forum shows Brokeback Mountain.  Some days there are storms on this thread or that.  Maybe some bluster.  Most likely the sun comes out.  Insights flower.  Jack and Ennis ride in every range.  Their campsites are everywhere. 

For two years I have turned to this forum and found answers.  Not just about Brokeback Mountain, but about myself and a whole lot of kinfolk.  I can't imagine life now without knowing the forum is here, knowing there's still a lot of white on the moon left to paw.  Have never had such an unexpectedly good time as these past two years.

Thank you Dave Cullen and all those who help keep us woolies movin!

Offline HazelEyedRaven

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #73 on: December 30, 2007, 07:15:26 PM »
That pain was unbelievable, unbearable, but now? I miss it.
Sounds weird, but it's true. The ghost of that pain is still there , whispers every now and then and I
hang onto that, because that keeps me close to Jack and Ennis
, and all people who have been denied.

Bcatjr's post hits the mark for me.  I cannot tell you how many times I feel that pang or feel that ghost.  And I miss it.  Terribly. 

I have to actually make a concerted effort to NOT come to the forum.  I have made some break throughs which some of my extensive posts from last year during Bay City convey and I am grateful for that.  But still feel the rawness of my experience and sometimes just cannot bear it.

So many of you write of friendships established, extraordinary people encountered as a result of the forum.  How wonderful is that?!?  But I wish I could say that someone here actually knows me but I can't.  It's been almost 2 years and I still have to distance myself. 

But I can say that I am ever so grateful for finding this BBM forum.  Mid-February 2006, I was drowning weeks after my first viewing.  This forum showed me that I wasn't crazy and that others saw what I saw, felt what I felt, experienced what I experienced when seeing BBM.  And what a relief. 

Thank you all so very much.



Tell you what.....truth is.....sometimes I miss you so much I can hardly stand it.

Offline atruant

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Re: How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me
« Reply #74 on: December 31, 2007, 11:10:09 AM »
Life is family and friends.

This forum provides both.

Thank you, Dave.

Thank you all.
John and Chuck -
Ennis and Jack got us together.