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Author Topic: Sharing life's vicissitudes  (Read 90655 times)

Offline chapeaugris

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #15 on: April 14, 2009, 02:34:14 AM »
up side, i have an pleasant affordable apartment on the banks of the caloosahatchee river in the warmest part of florida that ISN'T stifling. 
That dock was certainly a nice spot to hang out on when I visited you that day last year. I'm glad your mother is no longer such a worry (to put it mildly).

My step-mother is in assisted living outside of Washington and has had two rounds of ECT in the past year. She's slipping back into the depression bubble. When she's there, she doesn't open the mail and makes excuses not to let the woman hired to deal with her bills come over. Then things get canceled: her health insurance (gone for good), cable tv, the insurance on the house in Florida... So my sister and I have to deal with the aftermath from another continent.

Between her and our troublesome 14 year old daughter and my husband's and my respective struggling businesses, I haven't had the mental energy to post much here lately. I don't think a day has gone by in the last couple years when I haven't at least lurked on this forum. It's nice to see the same names around after 3 years, but even better to see new people arriving.

Offline jack

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #16 on: April 14, 2009, 03:28:28 AM »
hey kim, thanks for checking in.  you are definitely one of those people whose relative absence has been noticed.  the best thing i ever did was figure out that there was such a thing as a public guardian, and that their office was infinitely more capable of dealing with all the agencies and responsibilities than i.  and of course, lucking into finding that amazing place to live for her.  my only responsibility now is to visit her as often as i can and enjoy her.

and pick up the threads of my own life, of course...

i hope you can feel my support as i felt the support of so many here as i was going through it.  far more support than i got on the ground.
"through Seneca Falls, and Selma, and Stonewall..."

Offline chapeaugris

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #17 on: April 14, 2009, 03:55:05 AM »
I've definitely thought of you, Jack, while I've been coping with her problems. Being a continent away is hard, but being under the same roof would be harder.

Offline jack

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #18 on: April 14, 2009, 04:57:04 AM »
I've definitely thought of you, Jack, while I've been coping with her problems. Being a continent away is hard, but being under the same roof would be harder.
AMEN!
"through Seneca Falls, and Selma, and Stonewall..."

Offline dahlia

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #19 on: April 15, 2009, 03:17:08 PM »

And Hello to Sal, Cally and Daniela  :-* :-* :-*

Hi Maya  :-* :-*

Offline dahlia

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #20 on: April 15, 2009, 03:23:55 PM »
My mother was diagnosed with salivary gland cancer about a year ago.

Today, after the operation, and radiotherapy, she is back to an almost normal life. In the hope that things don't get worse.

I did not write about this in the forum, because I usually don't talk about these things...

Maybe in the future I will be more vocal about this experience.

My love and support to all of you who deal with, or dealt with, a suffering parent.

Offline jack

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #21 on: April 15, 2009, 06:51:15 PM »
yes daniela, life has a way of just happening, doesn't it.  its happening to all of us, and i do believe many of us have come to really care about one another.  and given all the combined life experience, there isn't a whole lot of life that some one of us hasn't survived.

AA taught me long ago that independence is highly overrated.  i'd rather lean on someone than fall on my face.

i am happy to hear that your mother is on the mend, and that worry is off your shoulders as well.
« Last Edit: April 15, 2009, 07:05:36 PM by jack »
"through Seneca Falls, and Selma, and Stonewall..."

Offline lovelyamazing

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #22 on: April 15, 2009, 08:08:45 PM »
My mother was diagnosed with salivary gland cancer about a year ago.

Today, after the operation, and radiotherapy, she is back to an almost normal life. In the hope that things don't get worse.

I did not write about this in the forum, because I usually don't talk about these things...

Maybe in the future I will be more vocal about this experience.

My love and support to all of you who deal with, or dealt with, a suffering parent.

(((((((Daniela)))))) I'm glad you opened up here.

Quote from: jack
given all the combined life experience, there isn't a whole lot of life that some one of us hasn't survived.

AA taught me long ago that independence is highly overrated.  i'd rather lean on someone than fall on my face.




How true these words are. One of the struggles for many of us is to find that "collective" to be a part of. The traditional support systems in India are counter productive in a changing social setup. They are largely about control. And we're still in the process of working new ones out. They are no doubt working out for the standard and predictable set of problems. But it is still very hard for people who are different in whatsoever way, the deviants like myself. So often it's a yearning to lean for fear of falling, but nowhere to lean emotionally :( for sheer lack of empathy.
"Once in a while
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Offline jack

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #23 on: April 16, 2009, 03:09:34 AM »
you make, or i infer, maya, a good point, and i think it applies even here on the forum.  there is an abundance of sympathy, which may feel good momentarily, but perhaps not so much empathy, which nourishes the soul.  fortunately, those who truly empathize are here, and the difference is appreciable and appreciated.

pehaps many of us here cannot identify with your precise circumstances, but many of us on this forum have grown up outsiders to our own culture, and even the culture of our subsets, and have found here pockets of real empathy.  i do believe i have an idea of that islandic separateness and yearning for understanding and identification of which you speak.
"through Seneca Falls, and Selma, and Stonewall..."

Offline lovelyamazing

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #24 on: April 16, 2009, 03:42:12 AM »
you make, or i infer, maya, a good point, and i think it applies even here on the forum.  there is an abundance of sympathy, which may feel good momentarily, but perhaps not so much empathy, which nourishes the soul.  fortunately, those who truly empathize are here, and the difference is appreciable and appreciated.


Yes indeed you are right. I have received a lot more of this understanding from cyber friends.

Quote
pehaps many of us here cannot identify with your precise circumstances, but many of us on this forum have grown up outsiders to our own culture, and even the culture of our subsets, and have found here pockets of real empathy.  i do believe i have an idea of that islandic separateness and yearning for understanding and identification of which you speak.

I think that is the very reason that they are able to empathize. And there is a real interest shown by many, in the specific situation of another; a genuine effort to think and feel from under another's skin (not that it is ever really possible, but the desire is what creates the empathy) rather than assuming or demanding that somebody else should think like oneself.

"Islandic separateness" says it just right. I was just talking about islands on the happiness thread I was thinking about doing a post drawing ideas from both the threads.  In dealing with life's vicissitudes I've been trying like so many to retreat into islands of happiness and solace, to create them if I can.
"Once in a while
someone comes along
and changes everything
you believe about yourself"

Offline Sason

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #25 on: April 18, 2009, 06:19:16 AM »
What a wonderful new thread! To be able to check in on news and ups and downs without going through tons of pages in various threads.

It's only two pages here, but there is already so much to comment on.....

((((((( Kim ))))))), I'm so sorry about all the problems you have to deal with right now, I really hope you'll somehow manage to keep the strength you need to sort it out. I had some very  hard years when my son was that age and I finally got professional help for him, which was the start of it slowly getting better.

I'm lucky enough that my parents are still independent and reasonably healthy, but what you tell about your stepmother I've seen many times professionally, and it's always hardest on the relatives who care and have to deal with the mess caused by a person who is no longer aware of their own needs.

(((((((( Daniela ))))))))), glad your mother seems to have overcome her health issues.


AA taught me long ago that independence is highly overrated.  i'd rather lean on someone than fall on my face.

Truer words have never been said, it took me far too many years to realize that. And when I did, I couldn't find anyone to lean on.

many of us on this forum have grown up outsiders to our own culture, and even the culture of our subsets, and have found here pockets of real empathy.  i do believe i have an idea of that islandic separateness and yearning for understanding and identification of which you speak.

Yes, yesYES!!!

What you talk about, Maya and Jack, rings so many bells with me..... I also have the experience of growing up an outsider to my own culture, and to the subculture I'm also part of. Never feeling belongingness (?) or at home anywhere..... always on an island of my own....
And I still am, although maybe a little less than before. But that yearning for understanding and identification is always there. The BBM effect has made it both better and worse. Worse because it makes me even less likely to find someone in RL to feel true kinship to, better because here on the forum I've found it to a great deal. What has become one of the most important parts of my life, I don't need to explain here.

Healtwise I'm, hopefully, slowly starting to recover from the depression caused partly, but by no means only, by BBM. Or rather, brought out in the daylight by BBM, since I believe it was always there....and then reinforced by issues at work, among others. And I think the forum is a big part of the healing.
It’s a movie about love that knows no boundaries and loneliness that knows no relief

Ennis, a man at war with himself every day of his life

The song may have ended but the melody lingers on

Offline Tigs

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #26 on: April 18, 2009, 10:42:40 AM »
OK folks - I need a big hug.

Jacks lesson on being too independant has hit a taught nerve. 

 I have just come home from hospital after having some treatment for cervical cancer (Some of you may have remembered me having it 2 years ago - on the Women Connect thread -  http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=8912.msg289650#msg289650 ).

I got the news today that I have to go and have a hysterectomy. I don't want anymore children, I'm not upset at losing my uterus. I'm bloody angry that it has come to this. 

My cancer is caused by the HPV virus (human papillomavirus), just unprotected sex once with an infected person. But there is no education about HPV and what it can cause, another strain of HPV can cause genital warts, another one causes normal warts. Some people get infected and don't have any symptoms. I would be amazed if there is a high percentage of people who know what it is and how it can be passed along.

Sorry - I am emotional - I have only told my mum so far.

Pass the message about HPV and the best message which is "USE A CONDOM"!!

Sal
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Offline Sason

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #27 on: April 18, 2009, 10:53:43 AM »
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((( Sal ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so so so sorry about this. I've had an hysterechtomy, and it was hard because I still had a hope of having more children at the time, but the op itself went quite smoothly. It took 7 weeks before I could get back to work though.


I totally agree with you on HPV, there should be A LOT more education and information about it. There is some here, but it isn't nearly enough.

I hope it will be an easy op for you, and that you will recover completely and fast.  :-*
It’s a movie about love that knows no boundaries and loneliness that knows no relief

Ennis, a man at war with himself every day of his life

The song may have ended but the melody lingers on

Offline Miaisland

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #28 on: April 18, 2009, 10:54:00 AM »
My mother was diagnosed with salivary gland cancer about a year ago.

Today, after the operation, and radiotherapy, she is back to an almost normal life. In the hope that things don't get worse.

I did not write about this in the forum, because I usually don't talk about these things...

Maybe in the future I will be more vocal about this experience.

My love and support to all of you who deal with, or dealt with, a suffering parent.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( Daniela )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I am so glad and thankful to hear it's all well now...

 :-* :-* :-* :-*
“Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach.” - Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Offline Miaisland

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #29 on: April 18, 2009, 10:56:44 AM »
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( Sal )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

LOVE and all my best vibes for you!!!!!!!

 :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
“Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach.” - Clarissa Pinkola Estés