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Author Topic: Sharing life's vicissitudes  (Read 90654 times)

Offline lovelyamazing

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #45 on: April 22, 2009, 08:06:42 PM »

When I wrote that I "don't talk about these things" I meant that (Jack expressed it wonderfully) I don't need the cheap simpathy- if you know what I mean.



I know just what you mean - and it is often accompanied by loads of free advice that indicate a less than shallow understanding of what the sufferer is really going through.


Quote
Many people just speak in vain, many others are truly stressed by the word 'cancer', they simply want to shy away from the idea. And I understand; it is not easy at all to address a suffering person.
This is true, not only here in the Forum, but in daily life as well of course.


I feel these strains even more in RL.  I know just what you mean. There are very few good listeners and good listeners are those who tune in with their "inner ear."

Quote
It is also true that there are - or were - other reasons for me, to keep this thing private.


A kind of superstition.

My clinging to my over-rated independence.

My difficulty in dealing with my personal daughter-mother relationship.
The human soul is complicated...


And we seem to have many of the same difficulties Daniela. We're kindred spirits.
"Once in a while
someone comes along
and changes everything
you believe about yourself"

Offline lovelyamazing

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #46 on: April 22, 2009, 08:12:21 PM »
My apologies - I seemed to have missed a few posts. Thank you for your positive vibes Maya and your hugs Debs

Sal  :-*


(((((((((((((((Sal))))))))))))))) another instalment of vibes and some more hugs won't harm ;D ;D ;D
 :-* :-* :-* :-*

Believe me you are going to come through this situation fine - you're a strong woman and you're going to be stronger.
"Once in a while
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and changes everything
you believe about yourself"

Offline lovelyamazing

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #47 on: April 22, 2009, 08:14:22 PM »
Yay for this thread! I'm so happy to find it. Thank you Jack! I will keep up with you all now. Time to catch up and read. Then share later. I feel so happy.

Cool to have you on board Alma :-*
There is so much to share.
A big hug to everyone on the thread and thank you Jack for starting it.
"Once in a while
someone comes along
and changes everything
you believe about yourself"

Offline Tigs

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #48 on: April 22, 2009, 10:45:53 PM »
{{{{{Maya}}}}}

Strength comes from strength, thank you.

Sal  :-*
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Offline Ministering angel

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #49 on: April 22, 2009, 11:17:31 PM »
OK folks - I need a big hug.

Jacks lesson on being too independant has hit a taught nerve. 

 I have just come home from hospital after having some treatment for cervical cancer (Some of you may have remembered me having it 2 years ago - on the Women Connect thread -  http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=8912.msg289650#msg289650 ).

I got the news today that I have to go and have a hysterectomy. I don't want anymore children, I'm not upset at losing my uterus. I'm bloody angry that it has come to this. 

My cancer is caused by the HPV virus (human papillomavirus), just unprotected sex once with an infected person. But there is no education about HPV and what it can cause, another strain of HPV can cause genital warts, another one causes normal warts. Some people get infected and don't have any symptoms. I would be amazed if there is a high percentage of people who know what it is and how it can be passed along.

Sorry - I am emotional - I have only told my mum so far.

Pass the message about HPV and the best message which is "USE A CONDOM"!!

Sal

Hi Sal. I don't believe I've ever addressed you directly before. Better late than never  :)

An HPV vaccine has been developed in recent years in a multi-country effort to rid us of this sneaky little pest. Here in Australia, there is currently a big push to get all teenage girls vaccinated (it's free at present but will cost later on) and I've seen the signs up in my doctor's surgery for quite a while.

So any of you people who know young women or their parents, make sure they avail themselves of this vaccine as soon as possible, and in the meantime, tell them to use a condom, as Sal says.

Sal, I used to be a gynaecology nurse so spent a lot of time dealing with cervical cancer, hysterectomies and all that. It's not going to be a walk in the park for you but at the same time your prospects are pretty good, especially since you seem to have been under medical observation all this time.

 :-* :-* :-*

Offline lovelyamazing

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #50 on: April 23, 2009, 12:25:54 AM »

Hi Sal. I don't believe I've ever addressed you directly before. Better late than never  :)

An HPV vaccine has been developed in recent years in a multi-country effort to rid us of this sneaky little pest. Here in Australia, there is currently a big push to get all teenage girls vaccinated (it's free at present but will cost later on) and I've seen the signs up in my doctor's surgery for quite a while.


Mini thanks so much for alerting us about the vaccine. There has been really so little awareness about HPV. I searched and found that the vaccine is available in India. http://www.indiaprwire.com/pressrelease/medical/2008101414217.htm
Sometimes we remain in the dark till someone we know is affected and I'm grateful to Sal for speaking up about her troubles.

Quote
So any of you people who know young women or their parents, make sure they avail themselves of this vaccine as soon as possible, and in the meantime, tell them to use a condom, as Sal says.

Sal, I used to be a gynaecology nurse so spent a lot of time dealing with cervical cancer, hysterectomies and all that. It's not going to be a walk in the park for you but at the same time your prospects are pretty good, especially since you seem to have been under medical observation all this time.

 :-* :-* :-*

It's great to have you share from your actual experiences in the field. You are so right about the condom. I can foresee the way parents of teens in conservative families in India will react - there will be denial that their daughters are at risk. We need to address the cultural barriers about condoms and anybody should be able to freely access them.

ETA - internet has gone crazy today and it ate my post for the second time.

I wanted to add that when I was a child just starting school there was a polio scare around the country and the school made arrangemnets to have the kids inoculated. I was one of those who'd luckily already had my shots but the program was a godsend for many. Maybe schools can take initiative in this case as well, as the government now has in the case of polio by reaching the immunization programs practically to the doorstep of even the most disadvantaged.
"Once in a while
someone comes along
and changes everything
you believe about yourself"

Offline Tigs

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #51 on: April 23, 2009, 12:28:02 AM »
They have just started a big push in the UK too - but haven't really gone to any lengths to explain about HPV, its just another 3 letters!!!  I tried to get my daughter vaccinated, but she has to wait until she is called for, which I think is bad.

Sal  ;D
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Offline lovelyamazing

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #52 on: April 23, 2009, 12:31:39 AM »
They have just started a big push in the UK too - but haven't really gone to any lengths to explain about HPV, its just another 3 letters!!!  I tried to get my daughter vaccinated, but she has to wait until she is called for, which I think is bad.

Sal  ;D

Called for meaning? Isn't it a right to avail oneself of it?
"Once in a while
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and changes everything
you believe about yourself"

Offline jack

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #53 on: April 23, 2009, 01:13:01 AM »
i'm going to try to make this brief, because i am not really in the mood for sharing, or even putting my "stuff" out there for comment right now.

first though, i am glad julie finally made it here so we can catch up a bit on some big changes in her life very much in the theme of the thread.

while i could post some of this to the caring for chronically ill thread, i am really posting it as it relates to my choices and its effects on me rather than my mother's needs.

the place that had been doing so well with my mother got tired of waiting for medicaid, banks and her pension fund to get on the same page and evicted her.  they were within their rights, but it is a brutal thing to do to an 84 year old woman with alzheimers who was heretofore thriving in their care.  via her public guardian, who has had at least as much trouble with runarounds as i had had, she has been placed in a decent but uninspired care facility.  she was at first badly shaken and upset, then comfortably delusional, but earlier today (yesterday) she called me wanting to leave.  she did not sound "agitated", just unhappy with the sterility of her environment.

having been vastly relieved that her welfare and finances were now in capable hands, i had just begun to pick up the threads of my own disrupted life... which now will need to wait a bit longer.

the guardian is still working feverishly, or at least his office staff and he are, as this came unexpectedly to them as well, and i am awaiting additional conversations about options with them, and will be checking out other nearby residences equipped to deal with mid to late level alzheimers.

and, as they used to say, to make the cheese more binding, i have picked up a really racking cold.  i am not a cheerful camper right now.   

i have a cat, food, and a roof over my head, so i am not unmindful of the positive, i am just tired.   
"through Seneca Falls, and Selma, and Stonewall..."

Offline lovelyamazing

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #54 on: April 23, 2009, 01:48:44 AM »
the place that had been doing so well with my mother got tired of waiting for medicaid, banks and her pension fund to get on the same page and evicted her.  they were within their rights, but it is a brutal thing to do to an 84 year old woman with alzheimers who was heretofore thriving in their care. 

It's ironical that the very place that gave her such good care thereby winning trust, should have betrayed it in this manner. And it hurts all the more.


Quote
via her public guardian, who has had at least as much trouble with runarounds as i had had, she has been placed in a decent but uninspired care facility.  she was at first badly shaken and upset, then comfortably delusional, but earlier today (yesterday) she called me wanting to leave.  she did not sound "agitated", just unhappy with the sterility of her environment.

This can be agonizing at a point when she's just started to be stable and happy.

Quote
having been vastly relieved that her welfare and finances were now in capable hands, i had just begun to pick up the threads of my own disrupted life... which now will need to wait a bit longer.

the guardian is still working feverishly, or at least his office staff and he are, as this came unexpectedly to them as well, and i am awaiting additional conversations about options with them, and will be checking out other nearby residences equipped to deal with mid to late level alzheimers.

and, as they used to say, to make the cheese more binding, i have picked up a really racking cold.  i am not a cheerful camper right now.   

i have a cat, food, and a roof over my head, so i am not unmindful of the positive, i am just tired.   

You are trying to see the better side Jack but I can so understand how you feel. After actually breathing a sigh of relief that you can deal with your own issues that have been on hold, to have it just whisked away overnight like it had been a mirage, can be a shock. It is disorienting and disheartening but please believe me, through this latest crisis you will move onto something better very soon. I pray that the situation will soon resolve itself.
 :-* :-*
"Once in a while
someone comes along
and changes everything
you believe about yourself"

Offline chapeaugris

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #55 on: April 23, 2009, 02:29:12 AM »
I'm very sorry to hear about your mother, Jack. That place seemed relatively nice when I visited you. (Relative, because it was the 4th such place I'd been in on that trip, as I was trying to find a place for my step-mother, who hates where she has wound up but for different reasons.) I hope she can move to a better place, eventually.

Offline Miaisland

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #56 on: April 23, 2009, 02:35:58 AM »

When I wrote that I "don't talk about these things" I meant that (Jack expressed it wonderfully) I don't need the cheap simpathy- if you know what I mean.



I know just what you mean - and it is often accompanied by loads of free advice that indicate a less than shallow understanding of what the sufferer is really going through.


Quote
Many people just speak in vain, many others are truly stressed by the word 'cancer', they simply want to shy away from the idea. And I understand; it is not easy at all to address a suffering person.
This is true, not only here in the Forum, but in daily life as well of course.


I feel these strains even more in RL.  I know just what you mean. There are very few good listeners and good listeners are those who tune in with their "inner ear."

Quote
It is also true that there are - or were - other reasons for me, to keep this thing private.


A kind of superstition.

My clinging to my over-rated independence.

My difficulty in dealing with my personal daughter-mother relationship.
The human soul is complicated...


And we seem to have many of the same difficulties Daniela. We're kindred spirits.

I know so well what you are talking about.

((((((((((((((((((((((( Maya and Daniela )))))))))))))))))))))))

The human soul is complicated.

And luckily we are kindred spirits. Within this fellowship we've found hearts of gold!

“Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach.” - Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Offline jack

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #57 on: April 23, 2009, 02:40:30 AM »
thanks, kim and maya...

i am going to try to talk with her tomorrow and present the possibility that i might find her a more suitable place to live, at the cost of nearness to me, and see how that sits with her.  it is possible that she will choose to remain close and make the best of things.  as it stands, she currently has a private room and her belongings around her, not exactly a snake pit.  outside the room, not so good.
"through Seneca Falls, and Selma, and Stonewall..."

Offline Miaisland

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #58 on: April 23, 2009, 02:47:22 AM »

Quote
having been vastly relieved that her welfare and finances were now in capable hands, i had just begun to pick up the threads of my own disrupted life... which now will need to wait a bit longer.

the guardian is still working feverishly, or at least his office staff and he are, as this came unexpectedly to them as well, and i am awaiting additional conversations about options with them, and will be checking out other nearby residences equipped to deal with mid to late level alzheimers.

and, as they used to say, to make the cheese more binding, i have picked up a really racking cold.  i am not a cheerful camper right now.   

i have a cat, food, and a roof over my head, so i am not unmindful of the positive, i am just tired.   

You are trying to see the better side Jack but I can so understand how you feel. After actually breathing a sigh of relief that you can deal with your own issues that have been on hold, to have it just whisked away overnight like it had been a mirage, can be a shock. It is disorienting and disheartening but please believe me, through this latest crisis you will move onto something better very soon. I pray that the situation will soon resolve itself.
 :-* :-*

I can understand how you feel too ((((((((((((((((((( Jack ))))))))))))))))))

And I too believe that strenght and energy comes back.

 :-*
“Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach.” - Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Offline lovelyamazing

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Re: Sharing life's vicissitudes
« Reply #59 on: April 23, 2009, 02:55:39 AM »
I'm very sorry to hear about your mother, Jack. That place seemed relatively nice when I visited you. (Relative, because it was the 4th such place I'd been in on that trip, as I was trying to find a place for my step-mother, who hates where she has wound up but for different reasons.) I hope she can move to a better place, eventually.

Kim I can empathize with what you and Jack are going through. When my mother had that last fall before her death, I witnessed the rapid loss of her faculties one by one. I could deal with anything but the horror of watching her brain pack up in that short week was traumatic. My greatest terror was when they hospitalized her for the last week of her life and she was neither improving nor giving up. It would have been impossible to keep her on indefinitely (even a short period pinched and the care was not as desired) in a hospital as she had no coverage whatsoever. I was having nightmares at the thought of taking her home and having to care indefinitely for her myself 24x7, possibly with the assistance of nurses or care givers (think of the financial implications). At that time there was no empathy from the remaining family members. There are no places for the aged in India to live that are anywhere near decent. It was an awful period in my life. It was mercifully short and it was almost a happy moment when she passed away. The right to live with dignity is so basic and receives very little attention. Now there are some options coming up for the really well off but ordinary and poor people who are the majority in India are having a very rough time over the needs of the aged. The joint families of yore collapsed long ago and no suitable alternative is in place.  Haven't really been able to open up on this in these two years (though many forum friends knew about through pm) but this thread feels like the right place to share it with more people.
"Once in a while
someone comes along
and changes everything
you believe about yourself"