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Author Topic: Coming out: how and why?  (Read 109151 times)

Offline happycamper

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Re: Coming out in the workplace
« Reply #30 on: February 07, 2006, 02:23:31 PM »
I donít see what I do in the bedroom to be anyone elseís business.† I donít hear my heterosexual colleagues sharing their private sexual life with me.†
jim, how is coming out sharing what you do in the bedroom, any more than knowing that your colleagues are heterosexual means that they are sharing what they do in the bedroom?

Offline Lola

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Re: Coming out in the workplace
« Reply #31 on: February 07, 2006, 02:24:33 PM »
Jim that makes more sense than anything I have read to date!† †:-*

I am from Canada by the way.

I remember reading an article by Nathan Lane on this subject, he said for years he never discussed his sexuality, didn't feel it was anyone else's business.

Anyway rather than try and quote him, here it is:


Lane has never made a secret of his homosexuality. He came out to his family when he was twenty-one and about to move in with a lover. He did not comment publicly on his sexual orientation until 1999, however.

He has been criticized by some activists in the gay community for waiting so long to come out publicly. In an interview in The Advocate Lane explained that he "[found] it difficult to discuss [his] personal life with total strangers" but was moved to speak out after the murder of gay college student Matthew Shepard. "At this point it's selfish not to do whatever you can," said Lane. "If I . . . say I'm a gay person, it might make it easier for somebody else. So it seems stupid not to."



 
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Offline vertimus

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Re: Coming out in the workplace
« Reply #32 on: February 07, 2006, 02:24:45 PM »
Jim, with you all the way.

The individual can't be or shouldn't be sacrificed 'for the masses' or for 'the cause.'

I'm against 'outing' on all levels too. Individual choice has to be respected.

Offline Uclapeterg

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Re: Coming out in the workplace
« Reply #33 on: February 07, 2006, 02:28:26 PM »
I donít see what I do in the bedroom to be anyone elseís business.† I donít hear my heterosexual colleagues sharing their private sexual life with me.†
jim, how is coming out sharing what you do in the bedroom, any more than knowing that your colleagues are heterosexual means that they are sharing what they do in the bedroom?

EXACTLY. It really doesn't.

Offline happycamper

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Re: Coming out in the workplace
« Reply #34 on: February 07, 2006, 02:30:10 PM »
I don't find it offensive, I just find it bizarre.† I've already given my reasons for doing so.

I can't speak for anyone else, but personally I am not upset that he spoke about his orientation, just perplexed that he declared it to his boss in such a manner.†

gordonleo did not say the manner in which he announced his orientation to his boss and yet people jumped all over him.

Quote
Is it because when some straight people think of gay they think of gay sex?

Like I said I'm not straight, but this just sounds completely off the wall.
See my reply to jim, I guess even gay/bi people are not immune to thinking that being gay is about what we like to do in bed...

Offline jim ...

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Re: Coming out in the workplace
« Reply #35 on: February 07, 2006, 02:30:53 PM »

jim, how is coming out sharing what you do in the bedroom, any more than knowing that your colleagues are heterosexual means that they are sharing what they do in the bedroom?

Let's face it ... for many, the association of being gay conjures up images of what "gay folk do" .  For most people, the difference between straight and gay revolves around the sexual aspect  .... otherwise we're all pretty much the same ... aren't we?

Offline Lola

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Re: Coming out in the workplace
« Reply #36 on: February 07, 2006, 02:33:38 PM »
Gordo said:

as part of that journey, i went to the director of my work place (ontario government - ministry of community and social services) and announced my new found self and my new intentions


I guess we need to know what he meant by his new found self and what his intentions were.

Jim I think we are all the same and what is it that gay people do sexually that straight people don't?? lol

I don't like to think what any of my friends are doing in the bedroom, I think I may be shocked if I knew!   :o
 
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Offline happycamper

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Re: Coming out in the workplace
« Reply #37 on: February 07, 2006, 02:34:29 PM »

jim, how is coming out sharing what you do in the bedroom, any more than knowing that your colleagues are heterosexual means that they are sharing what they do in the bedroom?

Let's face it ... for many, the association of being gay conjures up images of what "gay folk do" .† For most people, the difference between straight and gay revolves around the sexual aspect† .... otherwise we're all pretty much the same ... aren't we?
Right, I am suggesting that some people were so uncomfortable with gordonleo's decision to share his orientation with a co-worker because they are interpreting what he did as tantamount to announcing "I like anal/oral".† :-\

Offline Lola

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Re: Coming out in the workplace
« Reply #38 on: February 07, 2006, 02:36:47 PM »
It was the director of the company, not a co-worker. 


they are interpreting what he did as tantamount to announcing "I like anal/oral"

 ??? ???

I don't think anyone is thinking that!
 
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Offline vertimus

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Re: Coming out in the workplace
« Reply #39 on: February 07, 2006, 02:40:05 PM »
Jim, I've been stressing that since I came on these boards. At least it is true for me and in my mind: I feel just like everyone else except I'm a homosexual, bisexual tending.

I have everything else in common with 'the average man on the street' and have since I fully realized I was a homosexual in high school.

The last thing I would want to do is underscore differences between myself and others, especially differences that are arbitrary, misleading, and/or perhaps false.

Offline jim ...

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Re: Coming out in the workplace
« Reply #40 on: February 07, 2006, 02:40:42 PM »

Right, I am suggesting that some people were so uncomfortable with gordonleo's decision to share his orientation with a co-worker because they are interpreting what he did as tantamount to announcing "I like anal/oral".  :-\

People will think what they wish!  Obviously when coming out, you're letting people know you prefer sex with someone of your own sex.  If folks want to take it farther in their own minds ... anal/oral, so be it.  I have no problem coming out to co-workers.  It's the coming out to everyone ... all the time, that just isn't for me.  :)

Offline happycamper

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Re: Coming out in the workplace
« Reply #41 on: February 07, 2006, 02:41:53 PM »
It was the director of the company, not a co-worker.†


they are interpreting what he did as tantamount to announcing "I like anal/oral"

 ??? ???

I don't think anyone is thinking that!
You don't? Then why is it wrong to talk about it? Unless the director thought he was hitting on him...?† ;)

helen_uk

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Re: Coming out in the workplace
« Reply #42 on: February 07, 2006, 02:42:26 PM »
gordonleo did not say the manner in which he announced his orientation to his boss and yet people jumped all over him.

No, but the fact that it was an announcement implies some kind of manner.    And there's no jumping, not on my part anyway, just a simple enquiry.

Offline Lola

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Re: Coming out in the workplace
« Reply #43 on: February 07, 2006, 02:46:42 PM »
helen_uk are we twins seperated at birth?  lol
 
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helen_uk

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Re: Coming out in the workplace
« Reply #44 on: February 07, 2006, 02:47:31 PM »
I guess even gay/bi people are not immune to thinking that being gay is about what we like to do in bed...

Where on earth have you got this impression from?   ??? ??? ???