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Author Topic: Mourning Someone Who Has Died  (Read 414928 times)

Offline brian

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #90 on: July 07, 2006, 04:36:01 PM »

I'll catch your smile on someone's face

Thank you so much for this Nax. People are telling us how they always remember Mum smiling even from her wheelchair. She never complained and always thanked my sister and me for the smallest task we did for her.
Thank you also to desertrat, bbmbliss, babysany, mcnell1120 and the others who I know are thinking of me. I am copying your messages for my sister who thinks my Brokeback obsession is a bit extreme although she found the movie extremely sad. She has always been the practical one while I am the dreamer. I feel my membership of this Forum is now double blessed. Unfortunately my closest mate is travelling in Europe with his wife (he has sent an email) and my other closest friend is away in the country looking after her mother-in-law and did warn me that it would be hard for her to come home early.
Brian

Offline Nax

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #91 on: July 08, 2006, 10:21:58 AM »

I'll catch your smile on someone's face

Thank you so much for this Nax. People are telling us how they always remember Mum smiling even from her wheelchair. She never complained and always thanked my sister and me for the smallest task we did for her.
Thank you also to desertrat, bbmbliss, babysany, mcnell1120 and the others who I know are thinking of me. I am copying your messages for my sister who thinks my Brokeback obsession is a bit extreme although she found the movie extremely sad. She has always been the practical one while I am the dreamer. I feel my membership of this Forum is now double blessed. Unfortunately my closest mate is travelling in Europe with his wife (he has sent an email) and my other closest friend is away in the country looking after her mother-in-law and did warn me that it would be hard for her to come home early.
Brian

It's there for my Mum too!

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #92 on: July 10, 2006, 11:22:34 PM »
Brian

My thoughts are with you and your family

Sal      ;D

Offline stookslady

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #93 on: July 11, 2006, 10:21:01 PM »

I'll catch your smile on someone's face
Your whisper in the wind's embrace
Through diamond stars and songs and dreams
I find your love in everything

The sun, the sky, the rolling sea
All conspire to comfort me
From sorrow's edge life's beauty seems
To find your love in everything

I've come to trust the hope it brings
To find your love in everything
Even as I fall apart,
Even through my shattered heart

I'll catch your smile on someone's face
.....amazing grace

Amazing Grace

Just beautiful...thank you Nax.
I lost a friend this week. Her name was Karen. She was the best friend of another long time friend, Melany. She was one of several (including myself & my spouse) that shared the title of godmother to Melany's daughter.

We'd known each other for at least 12 years, and I had more difficulty with the loss than I thought I would. She died very suddenly after suffering a massive heart attack while at work. She was only 35 years old. Karen was a peace loving woman, articulate, intelligent, well-read, well-traveled, and had a beautifully dry sense of humor. Unfortunately, she was also a workaholic, and never had less than two jobs.

I'd have loved to have been able to view BBM with her. I think she would have enjoyed it greatly if she'd ever found the time.

Anyway, I was allowed to choose the poem that we added to her obit below her picture. The the one I found seemed to be written especially for her...and in hindsight, it could have been from Ennis to Jack as well:[/color]

I cannot think you're not alive somewhere.
I think of you just as I did before.
No sudden gust of wind has closed the door
Or made your presence vanish in thin air.
I write you this because I know you're there;
That even after death there must be more.
So does faith one's inner sun restore
After bitter darkness few can bear.
My mind and heart have not yet lost a friend
Even though my senses are bereft,
For you remain the witness of my soul.
No mere accident our love can end
So long as I have will and memory left,
And you lie silent on some unknown shoal. ~ Anonymous
"...and he felt like he could paw the white out of the moon." - Brokeback Mountain, Annie Proulx

Offline Elevation

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #94 on: July 15, 2006, 05:22:28 AM »
I have noted this thread as I knew it would not be long before I became a member.
...
I have rung my mother nearly every night for the 32 years since my father died but she made her last visit to my home at Christmas and we knew that would be the last. My house is in the mountains where her breathing became worse and has too many steps for her wheelchair. Now we have the task of arranging the services, a private cremation on Monday and a memorial service next Wednesday. Then I suppose the reality will hit me that my life will be completely changed. Thanks for listening
Brian, I'm so sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing. I hope you got through these days feeling the services went as you all had hoped, as hard as it is in times like that.   

...actually, just pressing the quoting button made me teary eyed. Your first sentence. I couldn't have said it better myself...
 
Well there's a bridge and there's a river that I still must cross...

Offline Dal

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #95 on: July 15, 2006, 09:59:28 AM »
Little brother little brother.  I can't say your name.  30 years now.  Why did you have to go?   It was so hard for you.  I wish I could have made it warmer for you here, I hope you are not cold.  The people who knew you are dying off now.  Why did I start to remember you so much again, every day?  Every single  day.   Is it because, if I do not, then no one will?  Then you would just disappear without a trace wouldn't you.  Like you were never born, never breathed the air.   Don't worry little bro, I won't let that happen.
Mommy, can I be on the kill list when I gwow up?
Of course honey, any American can -- thanks to President Obama!!

Offline mcnell1120

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #96 on: July 15, 2006, 10:07:03 AM »
Little brother little brother.  I can't say your name.  30 years now.  Why did you have to go?   It was so hard for you.  I wish I could have made it warmer for you here, I hope you are not cold.  The people who knew you are dying off now.  Why did I start to remember you so much again, every day?  Every single  day.   Is it because, if I do not, then no one will?  Then you would just disappear without a trace wouldn't you.  Like you were never born, never breathed the air.   Don't worry little bro, I won't let that happen.

(((((((((((((( HUGS ))))))))))))))))))

Nellie
RICKY MARTIN ,tu eres mi Kiki !

Offline Elevation

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #97 on: July 15, 2006, 12:12:40 PM »

We'd known each other for at least 12 years, and I had more difficulty with the loss than I thought I would. She died very suddenly after suffering a massive heart attack while at work. She was only 35 years old. Karen was a peace loving woman, articulate, intelligent, well-read, well-traveled, and had a beautifully dry sense of humor. Unfortunately, she was also a workaholic, and never had less than two jobs.

I'd have loved to have been able to view BBM with her. I think she would have enjoyed it greatly if she'd ever found the time.

Anyway, I was allowed to choose the poem that we added to her obit below her picture. The the one I found seemed to be written especially for her...and in hindsight, it could have been from Ennis to Jack as well:[/color]

I cannot think you're not alive somewhere.
I think of you just as I did before.
No sudden gust of wind has closed the door
Or made your presence vanish in thin air.
I write you this because I know you're there;
That even after death there must be more.
So does faith one's inner sun restore
After bitter darkness few can bear.
My mind and heart have not yet lost a friend
Even though my senses are bereft,
For you remain the witness of my soul.
No mere accident our love can end
So long as I have will and memory left,
And you lie silent on some unknown shoal. ~ Anonymous


I'm sorry for you losing your friend at such a young age.
Well there's a bridge and there's a river that I still must cross...

Offline Dal

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #98 on: July 15, 2006, 01:33:48 PM »
(((((((((((((( HUGS ))))))))))))))))))

Nellie
Thanks Nellie.  Right back at you.  I'm off to see my aunt tomorrow;  she seems to be in fairly good shape but her generation of the family is dropping like flies it seems.  What's left of them anyway!  I know you know what I mean.  My mother also still seems OK-ish, but is looking a bit transparent and hesitant, if that makes sense.  Not at all like herself.  I'm already dreading missing them, and they're not even dead yet!   Guess I need to quit looking for something to worry about. 

They are the last people who knew my little brother when he was a happy little kid, other than me.  My grandmother who used to tend his grave on the "lonely prairie" is long gone.  Pretty soon, I will be the only one who can remember that little kid.  I have no idea why it seems important to me that somebody remember him.  Everybody gets forgotten, right? Everybody.   I guess he's extra important, for me, just because he made so little mark.  Well I guess this is not making any sense so I'll get packing and see y'all when I get back!
Mommy, can I be on the kill list when I gwow up?
Of course honey, any American can -- thanks to President Obama!!

Offline mcnell1120

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #99 on: July 16, 2006, 01:47:25 PM »
(((((((((((((( HUGS ))))))))))))))))))

Nellie
Thanks Nellie.  Right back at you.  I'm off to see my aunt tomorrow;  she seems to be in fairly good shape but her generation of the family is dropping like flies it seems.  What's left of them anyway!  I know you know what I mean.  My mother also still seems OK-ish, but is looking a bit transparent and hesitant, if that makes sense.  Not at all like herself.  I'm already dreading missing them, and they're not even dead yet!   Guess I need to quit looking for something to worry about.

They are the last people who knew my little brother when he was a happy little kid, other than me.  My grandmother who used to tend his grave on the "lonely prairie" is long gone.  Pretty soon, I will be the only one who can remember that little kid.  I have no idea why it seems important to me that somebody remember him.  Everybody gets forgotten, right? Everybody.   I guess he's extra important, for me, just because he made so little mark.  Well I guess this is not making any sense so I'll get packing and see y'all when I get back!

Oh but you are making sense, my brother, you are. I often feel that way about my first born child I had lost. No one mentions her name,everyone pretends it never happened. My children will talk about it mostly,because I refuse to hide it from them. They have to know there was a big sister before them and that she is watching and protecting them. It did surprise me one day when I was looking at pictures of one of my sisters had taken..she meant to pull some pictures out before letting me see...it was a picture of my daughters tomb stone with fresh flowers laid there.....I pretended to not notice but her face told me she knew...guess they didn't want me to feel bad,but what she didn't know,and I guess I should of told her,but didn't....is that It made me so happy to know that in fact they didn't forget her....

Your friend

Nellie
RICKY MARTIN ,tu eres mi Kiki !

Offline bbmbliss

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #100 on: July 16, 2006, 02:43:51 PM »
Oh but you are making sense, my brother, you are. I often feel that way about my first born child I had lost. No one mentions her name,everyone pretends it never happened. My children will talk about it mostly,because I refuse to hide it from them. They have to know there was a big sister before them and that she is watching and protecting them. It did surprise me one day when I was looking at pictures of one of my sisters had taken..she meant to pull some pictures out before letting me see...it was a picture of my daughters tomb stone with fresh flowers laid there.....I pretended to not notice but her face told me she knew...guess they didn't want me to feel bad,but what she didn't know,and I guess I should of told her,but didn't....is that It made me so happy to know that in fact they didn't forget her....

Your friend

Nellie

Do they KNOW that you want to talk about her?  Because I'm sure they think about her a lot - I know I would.

Maybe they think that they will upset you if they mention it - not realising that it is more upsetting to pretend that she never was...??

Hugs
Blissx
I know why the caged bird sings.  The caged bird sings of freedom. - Maya Angelou

Offline brian

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #101 on: July 16, 2006, 03:12:03 PM »
Oh but you are making sense, my brother, you are. I often feel that way about my first born child I had lost. No one mentions her name,everyone pretends it never happened. My children will talk about it mostly,because I refuse to hide it from them. They have to know there was a big sister before them and that she is watching and protecting them. It did surprise me one day when I was looking at pictures of one of my sisters had taken..she meant to pull some pictures out before letting me see...it was a picture of my daughters tomb stone with fresh flowers laid there.....I pretended to not notice but her face told me she knew...guess they didn't want me to feel bad,but what she didn't know,and I guess I should of told her,but didn't....is that It made me so happy to know that in fact they didn't forget her....

Your friend

Nellie

Do they KNOW that you want to talk about her?  Because I'm sure they think about her a lot - I know I would.

Maybe they think that they will upset you if they mention it - not realising that it is more upsetting to pretend that she never was...??

Hugs
Blissx
Oh please talk about her with your family. My mother,  who has just died, had a first daughter who died at birth. I found out when I was 50 and had to obtain a full birth certificate for a new passport (previously a summary sufficed) It was quite a shock. My older sister knew but told me never to talk about it with Mum and she also asked me not to mention the sister in my eulogy to Mum last week. I know it happened in the 30's when things were different but I feel so sad that it was covered up.

Offline bbmbliss

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #102 on: July 16, 2006, 03:19:01 PM »
Oh please talk about her with your family. My mother,  who has just died, had a first daughter who died at birth. I found out when I was 50 and had to obtain a full birth certificate for a new passport (previously a summary sufficed) It was quite a shock. My older sister knew but told me never to talk about it with Mum and she also asked me not to mention the sister in my eulogy to Mum last week. I know it happened in the 30's when things were different but I feel so sad that it was covered up.

It is SO sad.  I loved my two boys from the moment I heard their little hearts going pitpitpit on the ultrasound - let alone how I felt once they were wriggling about... 

It must be such a huge and never-ending loss - and to never be able to talk about it must be a torture.... :(
I know why the caged bird sings.  The caged bird sings of freedom. - Maya Angelou

Offline Cameron816

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #103 on: July 17, 2006, 09:05:47 PM »
I have noted this thread as I knew it would not be long before I became a member. I have been reporting regularly to the G'day thread and the Christians who love Brokeback thread. My mother (1 month short of 97) has been slowly dying with pulmonary fibrosis for over 2 years and this morning she passed away at 9.10am Australian time. I have been staying with her for the past week and sharing with my sister the task of caring for her every need. She stopped being able to swallow on Tuesday morning and we learnt how to give her morphine injections every 4 hours. Yesterday morning she said her last word which was "together' as my sister and I stood by her side and stroked her arm and neck. I wanted her to go and end her suffering but was fearful of it occurring during the night although I got up nearly every hour to check on her.  Yesterday we played CDs of hymns all day - she always loved hymns but it was very hard as she just stared at us and we had no way of telling if she understood what we were saying to her. This morning 2 community nurses came to wash her and while there she breathed her last. They were able to take care of the necessities - perhaps she knew this was the best time  for her to go to make it easier for us. My sister is feeling it more than me as she has lived with her for 6 years and caring for her over the past 2 years has filled her whole life. I have gone down 3 days per week for the past 6 months to give my sister a break and I have rung my mother nearly every night for the 32 years since my father died but she made her last visit to my home at Christmas and we knew that would be the last. My house is in the mountains where her breathing became worse and has too many steps for her wheelchair. Now we have the task of arranging the services, a private cremation on Monday and a memorial service next Wednesday. Then I suppose the reality will hit me that my life will be completely changed. Thanks for listening
Brian,
I have been back to this form several times and all I can do is just weep for your Mum and what she stood for in your family.  It seems the words cannot come out of me to express my sorrow for you and your sister.  I visited your tribute honoring your Mum on your blog: http://brianaralph.blogspot.com/ .  I am far away, but my heart is near and I'm striving to reach out to hold and comfort.   I extend my thoughts and prayers to all of your family. May your mother's blessings, rich with her memories, always be with you and your sister.
-Cam

My small personal tribute to BBM: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GeGd29rJoY

Offline brian

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #104 on: July 18, 2006, 12:49:02 AM »
Brian,
I have been back to this form several times and all I can do is just weep for your Mum and what she stood for in your family.  It seems the words cannot come out of me to express my sorrow for you and your sister.  I visited your tribute honoring your Mum on your blog: http://brianaralph.blogspot.com/ .  I am far away, but my heart is near and I'm striving to reach out to hold and comfort.   I extend my thoughts and prayers to all of your family. May your mother's blessings, rich with her memories, always be with you and your sister.
-Cam

Thanks so much Cam. As so many have said, Mum is now at peace and her suffering is over. We just miss her so much. The services are over and now comes the legalities, probate notice in today's paper and we have to dispose of her assets. I now have more free time in which at the moment I feel a little lost and I can plan to travel again and probably move to a new house away from Sydney possibly even to NZ.