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Author Topic: Mourning Someone Who Has Died  (Read 357346 times)

Online Sara B

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3585 on: January 27, 2018, 02:23:49 PM »
Debbie, what a lovely way to talk about your mom, and how the anniversary can help to bring the family closer together.
There were only the two of them on the mountain flying in the euphoric, bitter air, looking down on the hawk's back and the crawling lights of vehicles on the plain below, suspended above ordinary affairs....

Offline CellarDweller115

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3586 on: January 27, 2018, 02:45:11 PM »
Thank you for sharing this post, Debs.   I hope that you and your siblings were able to laugh/smile at some good memories, and that you will all continue to heal.

Offline morrobay

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3587 on: January 27, 2018, 03:02:11 PM »
Deb, that is a lovely remembrance of a difficult day.  It's good that the memories can be shared with your brother and sister, and help with the healing.
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Offline killersmom

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3588 on: January 27, 2018, 03:09:06 PM »
Wonderful post, Debbie, and so glad you and your siblings shared about it. All this helps with the healing.
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Offline dejavu

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3589 on: January 27, 2018, 06:06:48 PM »
Thanks, Sara, Nancy, Chuck and Linda.

Life goes on for Mom's children, and part of what we emailed about today had to do with some property my mom owned in Texas (handed down from my Granddaddy through my father).  The county real estate tax assessor just sent my sister a huge questionnaire asking us to justify the agricultural assessment on this land, which resulted in lower taxes for Mom for many years. 

Fortunately, since the land went into our names earlier this month, my brother has gotten involved in dealing with our second cousin (who recently inherited the adjoining land when our aunt died), and with the county, and is trying to locate (or at least find out the name of) the rancher whose cattle are grazing on that land.  Apparently there's no written lease; it may have been a handshake deal a generation ago, and our cousin says the rent for cattle grazing is past due.  My brother did see the cows last June.  This whole situation would have been too much for me to cope with; I'm busy trying to get ready to see my mom's income tax man in Colorado.  So at last I can say, YAY, I'm getting some help from my brother.

So anyway, we shared a few memories today, but there were also some cow jokes, because the forms are demanding to be filled out even if it is a one-year anniversary which ought to be a time for reflection.  We want to get rid of that land and the cow complications, and then maybe we can have more time to relax and just think about the good times we had with Mom, our dear mother, rather than about these current problems.  I guess that mundane stuff happens any time someone has to deal with a relative's passing. 
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Texans don't drink coffee?

Offline ingmarnicebbmt

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3590 on: January 27, 2018, 06:08:39 PM »

((((((Debbie))))))

This is very moving and beautiful.

Made me think and consider a lot of good, important things.

 :)
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Offline dejavu

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3591 on: January 27, 2018, 06:22:25 PM »
Thanks, Ingy.
Jack's from Texas.
Texans don't drink coffee?

Offline fritzkep

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3592 on: January 27, 2018, 08:14:13 PM »
Thank you, Debbie.

Werd ich zum Augenblicke sagen, "Verweile doch! Du bist so schön..."

Offline dejavu

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3593 on: January 27, 2018, 09:23:05 PM »
Thanks, Fritz.
Jack's from Texas.
Texans don't drink coffee?

Offline Sason

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3594 on: February 25, 2018, 11:15:15 AM »
I'm glad the forum came back after being down for a few hours today, because I had been planning to post something in this thread.

This is the one-year anniversary of the day my mom died.  January 27.  I was in Colorado last year, and couldn't post about her then.

My brother and sister and I have all exchanged emails last night or this morning, remembering Mom.  It is tougher for some of us than for others.  My sister's email talked about how, a year ago, she was just going to bed at 1:45 AM, when I called her at 2:10 AM to say that the hospital had called me, and that we had better get to the hospital ASAP.  We spent a long middle-of-the-night and morning there, then I raced around trying to get some banking matters attended to (for which Mom had to be still living so that my financial power-of-attorney would still be legal) before she actually died, and my sister tried to take a nap before going back to the hospital.  So that day was not only sad, it was a madhouse.  But the three of us kids (my brother still being out of town) were close then, and it felt like we were close again this morning.

We all gave little eulogies at Mom's funeral, although we called them "speeches" or "talks," and they focused on the upbeat and humorous and loving moments from Mom's life.  My brother first appeared at the podium wearing a Broncos cap (which he then removed) and told how Mom had bought it for him "just because he wanted it" the previous fall, when he pushed her wheelchair at the store, just like she would say "Oh....okay" when he put candy into the shopping cart when he was a child, even when she couldn't really afford it.

I talked about how Mom always rooted for whatever sports teams I might like, despite being a Broncos fan herself.  I know she'd be thrilled for my sake that the Philadelphia Eagles are going to the Super Bowl, and that at the same time, Villanova (here in the Philadelphia area) is the number-one ranked men's college basketball team in the country.

At the beginning of her comments, my sister said, "Mom and I regarded baseball as far more than a bunch of sweaty, smelly athletes.  More than any other sport, baseball has a long literary history," and gave a few examples.  And then my sister read the poem "Game Called" by Grantland Rice, about how the Big Guy (Babe Ruth) was going home when he died.  "And so she has," added my sister, referring to Mom.

I told my siblings in an email today that I hoped we could continue to focus on these good memories of Mom, despite some tensions we've had during the settling of her affairs.  And I hope that anyone who has experienced a loss, no matter how long ago, can do the same.  Anniversaries like this can be painful, but they can be good, too.

Only seeing this just now.

What a beautiful and moving post, Debbie.

I'm sure, as time goes by, you'll have a lot more good memories of your mom to share with each other.

I hope this closeness between the three of you will remain, in one form or another.

Düva pööp is a förce of natüre