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Author Topic: Mourning Someone Who Has Died  (Read 401593 times)

Offline BlueAmber63

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3600 on: July 11, 2018, 01:17:02 PM »


OregonDoggie, Mario, Jack

Have only just found this back dated post by Mario. I'm sure some of us feel like we
get the rough side of life at times......but when I read Mario's post I realize how easy my life has been.....except for boarding school straight after my mom died and a few more small problems along the way.
RIP Mario.....now you can love who ever you want. We loved you and miss you.

Great picture of the three guys ^^^ has anyone heard how Jack is doing these days? Hope he's ok.
Wanting him to come back... before anyone notices
part of the world has not moved...since he left.

Offline killersmom

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3601 on: July 11, 2018, 02:58:42 PM »
He was just on Facebook about 5 hours ago, Sue, so he should be OK.
Nature has cunning ways of finding our weakest spot.
Call Me By Your Name

Offline CellarDweller115

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3602 on: July 12, 2018, 06:22:09 PM »
Hiya everyone!


Not long ago, a member was going through this thread, and mentioned the posts to members who have passed.   They wanted to know if there was an official list of the Brokies we lost.

I tried to compile a list, I'm not sure if it's complete, and I'm sure it's not in order.   If you notice that anyone is missing, please let me know.

RodneyFL / RodneyWY. 
Osprey
LoneLeeB3
Dal
Mario
NeatFreak
Kitty Hawk
Canmark
Tony_
T_wistfulHeart
IfYouCantFixIt
Malcom
WKSheldon
Shasta
mwp2paris
Cameron816
GarryLH
Tacitus
JT/EDM
PaintedShoes
martin600
LovelysMom
BayCityJohn
« Last Edit: April 06, 2019, 09:47:05 PM by CellarDweller115 »

Offline BlueAmber63

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3603 on: July 12, 2018, 06:49:40 PM »
He was just on Facebook about 5 hours ago, Sue, so he should be OK.

That's good to know Linda.

I'm actually not on face book so thanks for this.
Wanting him to come back... before anyone notices
part of the world has not moved...since he left.

Offline killersmom

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3604 on: July 12, 2018, 07:53:33 PM »
No problem, Sue. FB is how I try to keep track of forum members who no longer post here. Basically to make sure everyone is OK.
Nature has cunning ways of finding our weakest spot.
Call Me By Your Name

Offline BlueAmber63

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3605 on: October 01, 2018, 06:40:27 AM »
Heartbroken  :'(

Just heard that the so very talented Charles Aznavour has passed away.

I believe he had shows and concerts booked right to the very end.

Will miss his beautiful songs and his own way of delivering them.

Sad day indeed
 :( :(
Wanting him to come back... before anyone notices
part of the world has not moved...since he left.

Offline Lyle (Mooska)

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3606 on: January 30, 2019, 02:44:51 PM »

I've never posted on this thread before.  A best friend of mine for near thirty years, Mark, was diagnosed with cancer in the summer of 2017. The rest of that year his treatments and diagnosis were pretty good and hopeful. In the first months of 2018 he had some setbacks, but by June, despite some ups and downs his doctor was really happy and his new treatments seemed to be working better than expected.

I remember a gathering at his place in June and everyone was so optimistic and happy. A month later he had to be hospitalized for nearly a month in the City of Hope's cancer treatment center. But then came home. Then the news was up and down until September when the doctor discovered the cancer had grown in a month to twice the size, after a prognosis of it shrinking so much in June.  They wanted to operate immediately, even though this was no guarantee of anything.

Things were pretty bleak and Mark decided to go into hospice care, which meant the end was in sight. He consulted with his partner and doctor's and such. He was to come back to his place for the in home hospice care and wasn't expected to live much longer when this began. Like a week or two, maybe somewhat longer. This news came to me on my birthday. I was devastated. In shock. Surreal all around.

Visiting him during this time was not sad. It was just like normal. He had the best care. His partner's mother used to be a nurse and she stayed to help. Mark's brother came from England and stayed throughout. He had friends that supplied anything he needed no matter what. And he stayed with us for many weeks, not 2-3. So after any visit you felt it was not the last one. It was all so very unreal.

On November 11, I attended a wedding at a friend's house. It was outside in the garden and was a mild warm day and the bride and groom were lovely and the whole thing was a very happy occasion. The next morning as I had coffee and was online the phone rang. As I turned around to answer it, I just knew this was the call. The call I never wanted to get. My friend had lost his battle with cancer. And it didn't seem real, either.

The weeks afterward I spent time with his partner, they were married, and we are friends, too.  A memorial was going to be held, but not for two months. That was over a week ago now, but for some reason up until then, this whole thing hadn't hit me as hard as it did then. I was half expecting Mark would actually be there or something.  The line from Brokeback when Jack says, "Sometimes I miss you so much I can hardly stand it," keeps echoing. It's the things that never will be again that hurt, things we talked about for the days ahead, things that were planned. Those things were security in some way. I don't know. And a thirty year friend. You can't just find another one of those.

If I were in that same situation I don't think I'd have handled it like he did. With grace, with love, with courage...with peace. I mean, above I mentioned I got the news on my birthday when he came back to his place after being in the hospital and the hospice care decision had been made. His partner called me and said Mark wanted me to come over for a visit that night. I went over there in a state of numbness and the last thing I expected was that he, his partner and some others were there, celebrating my birthday with champagne and song, food and cake, presents and mirth. How was I supposed to wrap my head around that? I'd be railing at the ether, cursing my fate, angry; people wouldn't want to be around me I doubt. ?  I hate that there's this "seven stages of grief" meme they say everyone has after a loss. As though it's supposed to make you feel better that you have anger, denial, fear, and the rest.  But, of course, everyone deals with these things. And worse. There's a saying I heard once...I don't know where it originated, but it is that "a loss... a tragedy... as well as a victory can serve to shake the soul and let the glory out."

Online fritzkep

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3607 on: January 30, 2019, 03:31:12 PM »
((((Lyle))))

Werd ich zum Augenblicke sagen, "Verweile doch! Du bist so schön..."

Offline killersmom

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3608 on: January 30, 2019, 03:40:00 PM »
I am so sorry for your loss of your long time friend, Lyle. I totally know how hard it is to lose someone you have known and loved for all those years.

Everyone deals with grief differently, so you go at your own pace and take your time and do want you need to do to deal with it. Don't let anyone tell you how or to get over the loss.

Friends and loved ones who are in our lives for such a long period of time stay in our lives and hearts forever, becoming a part of us. The loss and hurt lessens as time passes, but never fully goes away.

I am thinking of you.❤️
Nature has cunning ways of finding our weakest spot.
Call Me By Your Name

Offline CellarDweller115

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3609 on: January 30, 2019, 03:48:38 PM »
Lyle, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend.  Sending you hugs and love.

Offline Sara B

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3610 on: January 30, 2019, 04:24:08 PM »
So sorry, Lyle. And thank you for telling us so movingly about Mark.
“When we grow older still we’ll speak about those two young men as if they were two strangers..... And we’ll want to call it envy, because to call it regret would break our hearts.”

Call Me by Your Name, André Aciman.

Offline Gazapete

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3611 on: January 30, 2019, 10:43:54 PM »
Lyle, I am so sorry, sending you a big, big hug.

Offline Lyle (Mooska)

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3612 on: January 31, 2019, 03:28:36 PM »
Gee guys, I don't think I was expecting all your kind posts. Thanks so much.
I guess words really do matter because all of these gave me some joy and hope this morning!
And if I want, I can read them all again and again!

(((((( Thank you all! ))))))


Offline Flyboy

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3613 on: February 01, 2019, 08:30:21 AM »
Lyle, I remember you telling me about Mark over the last year or so. I know it was hard for you at time, but it sounds like he made the best of a bad situation, and maybe didn't wallow in self-pity either. What a Man he was, right? Every person's grief is different, one thing I heard that hits home for me is the question: What is the worst kind of Grief? Most people will say it's the horrific or violent death of a Child. And they would be right to say that, or sometimes they'll say the death of a Life Partner or Spouse. But the WORST kind of Grief is YOUR OWN GRIEF! No one can experience or share your own Grief. I find this to be true.

You were a great friend to Mark, and great support for his surviving family and friends. A person cannot ask for more than that. Sometimes when people hear a friend or relative has Cancer they tend to RUN from it, sorta like people run from those who are experiencing major grief from the death of a loved one. Maybe it's just human nature, who knows? They're afraid if they get TOO CLOSE to Cancer or a Death, they might catch it! I think you are handling it well, by sharing your grief with others who WILL listen!! Give yourself PLENTY of time to process your own grief, in whatever way you can. My heart goes out to you and I wish I could make it all better! Only time and sharing your thoughts and feelings can do that.
Love you for sharing!
Jonn

Offline Lyle (Mooska)

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #3614 on: February 01, 2019, 12:28:34 PM »

Thank you Jonn; so very kind of you; much appreciated.