Mourning Someone Who Has Died

[desertrat]

if anyone would like to chat about martin, please email me or pm me at MSN.  my email is now starving.writer@hotmail.com and that is my MSN (windows live) screen-name as well.  i am also on livejournal as fragiledestiny.

um....  sorry.  sorry to be fussy but... i really need to talk.  Really.  Need.  To.  Talk.

martin, tell you what... truth is... sometimes i miss you so much i can hardly stand it.

don't worry, you're not fussy. losing friends is always hard. i also miss martin though our paths only crossed occasionally.

we should be there for each other in our grief. you can of course simply pm me, if you prefer that but i would suggest, also to help all others who are grieving, why don't you tell us your favourite memories of martin ? it might be a good start to deal with things.

[jakelikethat]

i would love to, lola, but this board is a little too public for that. 

would love to chat (privately) with anyone who is willing. 

[phrag3]

Does anyone have a success story ??

Eclypto,

Perhaps success story isn't the correct term to use in this case, but I have a story to tell that is tied in with my recent posts here.

As you know, it has been two years since my Partner passed away.

A few days after the "anniversary date" I received a message from a fellow who was responding to my profile that I had posted on a Gay Dating Site (I know, I know, but there aren't a lot of options for an older guy in a smaller prairie city!)

But I had decided to put my profile up because since BBM, I've learned that we have to move forward with our lives, to take chances if you will.

So, we started emailing back and forth, then finally spoke on the phone, then met in person and we are now dating. All within two weeks.

We have connected on so many levels, but the main thing I wanted to mention here on this thread is the following...

We are both the same age and he also lost his Partner two years ago from a sudden heart attack. In fact our Partners died within a month of eachother. Both were younger than us and we had been together about the same amount of time.

It was scary to find out that we had such parallels in our lives, but the fact that we had this in common really drew us togther. We have talked openly about our Partners and our lives together. It doesn't threaten either of us. In fact, it's wonderful to share those memories with another who really understands what it's all about.

This is a story about moving forward. About taking chances.

I really believe in fate. That we were meant to meet at this time and place in our lives.

So - grieve your loss, mourn his passing, take care of yourself, take the time you need to do all of this......

But most of all - live. He would have wanted you to.



Dan

[All4one]

Dan,
I am aware of you from your posts, and as much as my thoughts have been with you lately because of the anniversary date, they have also been with Eclypto, whose hurt is recent and raw.

Today I am happy for both of you - you for the good thing you are experiencing, and him, for the gift of your letter. You have 'walked the walk' before him, and I' feel certain there are others who read who also need the comfort and hope your words offer.

[Eclypto]

Thank you, Dan, that was sweet -- and kind of a success story.  I wish you both well in the future.

[mcnell1120]

Eclypto....it's so nice to see you in here.....have you been in the Affected Me threads and have you gone to the Meet Your Neighbors threads to introduce yourself?...............try it?

Nellie 

[Dal]

Looks like Ms Ossana has suffered her son's death at some point -- see today's daily sheet.

[mcnell1120]

Looks like Ms Ossana has suffered her son's death at some point -- see today's daily sheet.

I saw that...and nephew...hmmmm.... ...sad

[brianr]

In case it would be helpful to anyone, I want to share this link to the sermon given by Rev. William Sloane Coffin after the death of his 24 year old son.

http://www.pbs.org/now/society/eulogy.html

Thanks for this. All4one.  I have copied and will need to read again but it is very helpful. Especially to those who say "How can God allow"

[annabel]

Dan, I have never lost a partner, so I can't say I really know how you feel, but the story you told a few posts back was just lovely.  It made me misty and gave me hope that when terrible things happen we can go on.  Thank you.

[phrag3]

I believe that the value of this thread is to show that life does go on, and that it does get better (without ever forgetting the one who has left).

I might not have felt this way a year ago, but I do now. And I know that one of the reasons I feel this way is the support I got here, and the opportunity that I had to help others, in whatever little way I could.

Dan

[Eclypto]

Dan -- I agree.  This thread has helped -- you have helped.  Thanks for all your kind postings.  You all may have actually saved me some money on therapy.  It's still very tough -- it's kinda at the point where I'm going thru 1sts -- but it is better than it was even a week ago.  You all were right -- it did get better (slightly).  Day by day.

[mcnell1120]

Dan -- I agree. This thread has helped -- you have helped. Thanks for all your kind postings. You all may have actually saved me some money on therapy. It's still very tough -- it's kinda at the point where I'm going thru 1sts -- but it is better than it was even a week ago. You all were right -- it did get better (slightly). Day by day.

     

[phrag3]

Dan -- I agree.  This thread has helped -- you have helped.  Thanks for all your kind postings.  You all may have actually saved me some money on therapy.  It's still very tough -- it's kinda at the point where I'm going thru 1sts -- but it is better than it was even a week ago.  You all were right -- it did get better (slightly).  Day by day.

Eclypto,

I'm glad that my words have helped you, but please, take advantage of some counselling.

Trust me, I didn't get to this space alone. I saw my Psychologist off and on through out these two years and he helped me move through the pain and the loss. He was the one who told me that grieving was a process of digestion, and now I see what he meant.

He also helped me move on with my life and encouraged me to take chances.

But it also helps to talk with friends about everything and anything. I hope we here can help with that.

Hugs your way. I'm sure you can use some, today, as every day.

Dan

[phrag3]

Does anyone have a success story ??

I really believe in fate. That we were meant to meet at this time and place in our lives.

Thought I would post an update.

Four weeks have past and we are still together.

One thing I did not mention in my earlier post is that my Boyfriend's name is Scott! That was my Partner's name as well. Perhaps one of the strangest coincidences of our relationship.

This weekend was Canadian Thanksgiving, so Scott met my Mother and some friends at dinner. It went very well.

This past week Scott told his late Partner's Sister that he was dating. I used to work with the Sister many years ago! Another coincidence. She told Scott that her Brother was intervening to have us get together!

This comment follows one made by his Sister-in-Law when she found out. She said that both of our Partners had met in Heaven and had decided that we should be together. I get chills!

Like I said, I believe in fate, or destiny. Things happen when they are meant to.

You just have to seize the moment and run with it.

I'm glad I did.

Dan