Brokeback's Impact on Women

[mary]

I've been lurking and then posting for the past few weeks.  I've been trying to figure out, with others, the profound effect that BBM has had on me. This film has become an obsession for me.  In the past week I've seen it 3 times - twice with my husband and once with my sister.  I've read it more times than I can count. I plan to see it again. Some days I've lived and breather Jack and Ennis, sobbing at the drop of a hat (cowboy or otherwise).  I'm better now.

Until I got here I think I was kind of embarrassed by my reaction. Now I know I'm not alone in this. Luckily my husband has been pretty supportive (except when he has to drag me away from the computer to eat.) and understands (to a point) since he really enjoyed the film too. 

It's been helpful to hear from other women about their reactions and attempts to figure this out. I look forward to more conversations about this. And please don't think the conversation is limited to straight women - we've had wonderful insights from ALL participants. 

(Greg) - A topic for the main section?
mary

[Parenthetical Greg]

{snip}
It's been helpful to hear from other women about their reactions and attempts to figure this out. I look forward to more conversations about this. And please don't think the conversation is limited to straight women - we've had wonderful insights from ALL participants. 

(Greg) - A topic for the main section?
mary

Mary, welcome to the new site! I'm really looking forward more conversations about that too! Honestly, I'm flabbergasted at the amazing spectrum of people that BBM's touched and Dave's made a home for.

Now that you mention the new-topic suggestion, I think we're all in agreement that's a must-have topic. Dave actually took a few different initial concepts out for test drives before we went live. He decided on this rather sparse arrangement at the outset--both to let us all get adjusted to a whole new discussion format and to let everyone who participates help guide the evolution.

Dave also has some other great stuff in store in the coming days.

In the meantime, go ahead and get the conversation rolling in the existing threads (in either/both of The Story / The Film or The Phenomenon as you think suits the conversation). We'll start spawning new topics as the conversation grows.

[Ranchgal]

Hello,
I love this board---and I love this format---I found the other blog forum very hard to keep up with.
Maybe I don't get on enough.LOL
I am a married woman who loves this story, and feel like waiting till who knows when to see this is going to drive me BATS!!  I live in the Northern Plains and within a days drive of WY.
I posted as Patty on the other forum, but on most boards I am ranchgal--cause we raise alot of cattle, and I still ride horses and that is who/what I am.

I also am not sure why this story/movie has hit me so hard, but I can't seem to leave it alone either.
And now I am losing my mind, as I have been collecting orginal magazines with interviews/reviews about this---it is simply ridiculous--but luckily--I have enough now so I can almost stop.  But I lurk ebay off and on to make sure I am not missing very much.
Glad to be here though.  Thank you so much Dave, Greg and other admins---this is a wonderful place to be.

[Dave Cullen]

i am SO happy to have you straight women. we really need your point of view.

so glad you're coming out of lurkland. and that u like the new format.

[ClashCityRckrs]

I'm SO glad I found this forum.  I saw BBM on Friday night by myself and I realize now I should have gone with someone else.  I've spent most of Christmas weekend completely consumed with this film.  I should have dragged my husband to the screening and the only reason he didn't go is not because of any aversion to a gay themed love story but rather because of his aversion to romantic melodramas.  But now I wish he did go with me because I have no one to talk to about it the film and instead I'm just re-running scenes in my head over and over again!

I'm really suprised that I've had such an intense reaction to this film. I've been anxiously awaiting its release for most of the year. I was really intrigued by the theme but mostly I couldn't wait to see it because I just thought it would be totally HOT to watch a gay cowboy movie starrring Heath Ledger and Jake Gylenhaal -- which it was. But it wasn't just hot it was totally devastating.  I've been trying to figure out why I've reacted to this film in the way that I have and I'm starting to realize is that it's because this is the first time that I've seen a love story of this kind.  The heteronormative love story is one that has been around since Chaucer's Canterbury Tales where the notions of chivalry and the literary definitions of man's relationship towards women was established.  But here is a story that looks at love and sexuality and attraction in a different way. I think the moment when the film really grabbed hold of me was when Ennis and Jack embrace after their first reunion and Ennis throws Jack against the wall and starts kissing him. I've seen this same scene between men and women in films a million times but it was like seeing it for the first time when watching it between these two men! The only think I can think to equate it to would to someone perhaps being raised and exposed only to bible stories or fables. And then one day you pick up Lady Chatterley's Lover or even Romeo & Juliet and discover love and romance and tragedy explored in a completely different way. No wonder I can't stop thinking about this film!  Brokeback wasn't a "straight" love story or a gay love story told in a "straight" interpretation but instead what I believe is a true and genuine and carefully constructed gay love story. 

I need to get the perspectives of some of my gay male friends on this film since they often see things through different set of eyes. And I also think I'm going to have to go see Brokeback at least 3 more times in the theater so I can maybe get it out of my system!

[jack]

hey clashcity...
good luck with that 3peat theory.  i have yet to see it and i am utterly absorbed, and i don't seem to see any of the other 3peaters indicating they are sated yet.  seriously though, if you begin to read through threads you are going to hear lots of theories as to what this hold is on us (we tend to refer to it as mountain fever).  hearing our thoughts and life experiences may touch you in some of the same places as the film, and the short story, which i hope you read as well.  i am sure we will be hearing more from you as you meet us.

jack

[mary]

Well, I am off to see it for the 4th time today - I spent the last 24 hours almost entirely BBM free. 
I've decided to go by myself this time.  The last time I went I went with my sister and her 13 year old daughter.  Now I love my niece and she is a thoughtful and mature kid but I might discourage anyone from seeing this with a 13 year oldl.

Part of the problem is she did not understand that this film is verging on a religious experience for her aunt and YOU MUST NOT TALK during the film!     She just knew that her aunt LOVES this film so it must be worth seeing.  Yet I think she's too young to appreciate it.

She just had questions and comments on what was going on and I loved the fact that she was that interested.  But I was torn between sharing this film that I love with a young almost woman I love, and being able to have the film wash over me.

 I still managed to hear every word since we saw it in a theater with a great sound system but I still felt like I missed some nuances, so back I go today

And I love being able to edit what I've said when I realize I posted in haste without re reading what I'd typed.

[kiajean]

Hello, I am here to represent the lesbian contingent of Brokeback fans.
Though I have dated men in the past, I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a year now. I took her with me for my third BBM round and now she is almost as obsessed as I am. I, being the "straight-er" of the two of us, knew I would love the movie but I was so glad to see that even someone who has no personal interest in men whatsoever could be so touched (and turned on) by this film. It makes me wonder about other lesbian responses to this movie....anyone?

[Juno]

I'm so glad i am not alone.. i am a woman, engaged to a man... i hate labels, so I hesitate to say i am straight, but i am in a heterosexual relationship now, and have had relationships with women in the past.

Anyway, since seeing Brokeback , i haven't been the same.. I'm a mess, can't stop thinking about Jack and Ennis, their beautiful love, their commitment, their tragic and painful relationship. I've been crying every day since.. I also find Jack and Ennis extremely hot and sexy together but i have always very much enjoyed seeing two men together, (VERY SEXY)   

[aceygirl]

Hi--another gal here who has been bowled over by this damn movie (it's haunting my thoughts day and night). I'm similar to Juno--I identify myself as bi but am in a serious relationship with a guy--we're both believers in fluid sexual identities, at any rate--and in gay marriage.

I first saw the movie with one of my best friends, a gay male, with whom I've performed a lot of two-person theater shows. It was so much more than just two hot guys together. I thought i'd cry less the second time. Hell, no. I swear I'll have a breakdown the next time I see it.

I caught so many nuances the second time around. For example, only on the second viewing did I realize the wooden cowboy and horse carving on Jack's desk is the same one Ennis was carving in one rainy scene early in the movie. Also, isn't that Ennis's shirt that he finds intertwined with Jack's parka?

I always thought Heath Ledge was fantastic in his role in Monster's Ball, and Jake G. is awesome in everything I've seen him in. I can't believe he got overlooked for the Golden Globe supporting actor award. His performance was vital to making me believe in the passion between the two.

well, cheers, all and hope to read more.
--aceygirl

[Carissa]

I've been lurking and then posting for the past few weeks.  I've been trying to figure out, with others, the profound effect that BBM has had on me. This film has become an obsession for me.  In the past week I've seen it 3 times - twice with my husband and once with my sister.  I've read it more times than I can count. I plan to see it again. Some days I've lived and breather Jack and Ennis, sobbing at the drop of a hat (cowboy or otherwise).  I'm better now.

Although I haven't been able to get to the theater again.  I feel exactly the same way.  I had a cumulative nursing final the Wednesday after it opened.  Needless to say, it was next to impossible to study because Brokeback Mountain was running through my brain.

I'm SO glad I found this forum.  I saw BBM on Friday night by myself and I realize now I should have gone with someone else.  I've spent most of Christmas weekend completely consumed with this film. ........ But now I wish he did go with me because I have no one to talk to about it the film and instead I'm just re-running scenes in my head over and over again!

I went by myself too.  Finding the blog and then the forum has been great.  I loving having a place now where I can discuss and read about this amazing story.

[Meira]

Hi everyone!  After some cyber difficulties and alot of help from (Greg), I am finalyy back online and able to post. 

I saw Brokeback Mountain for the 3rd time Sunday night, this time with my husband.  Luckily, it opened at the Showcase cinema near us in the 'burbs so I didn't have to pay $20 to park in Harvard Sq. again!  This movie is just under my skin in a way that nothing like it has ever been.  My husband really liked the movie, but he felt the sadness and the societal injustice most profoundly.  He commented on the terrible message it sends about our society/culture and how it is so suffocating in so many ways. He was angry about it.  I guess I was a little  surprised that he didn't fall in love with Jack and Ennis as I did.  He just felt really sorry for them.  Then again, he joked about wanting to go to bed early, to "reaffirm his hetero reality", so maybe he was more moved by the characters than he wanted to admit! Or, perhaps that was just a convenient excuse...

I went to three stores today before I could find a copy of the soundtrack.  The first two did have it in stock recently but were sold out!  Good sign, I think.   Funny, when we were exiting the the theater last night, the manager was haning out by the concession stand and asked us how the movie was.  I told him it's a "must see", and I'll look forward to talking about it with him the next time I see it, (probably later this week).  Also good ot note; the theater was 3/4 full and was a very mixed crowd.  Lots of straight couples - mostly 40ish and up, along with guy couples, women couples and several people all by themselves.  When I first sawit, the crowd was predominantly guy couples, so perhaps it is gaining momentum in the mainstream.

[Juno]

OK, i have a question for the BBM women who are in relationships with men.. Do you find yourself fantasizing about your boyfriend, husband, kissing another man? I myself will admit to it, and it's driving me insane! Just last night we were out to dinner and the waiter was such a hottie, and there i was imagining the HOT waiter kissing my boyfriend.. This movie is haunting me in so many ways..<sigh>

I hope no one is offended by this post, if i offended anyone i apologize in advance..

[aceygirl]

Sure!

One of the things I love about my BF is that he's got a healthy appreciation of male sexuality, although he himself is more or less hetero (I do mean, more or less, not 100%). We've, er, experimented. 

OK, i have a question for the BBM women who are in relationships with men.. Do you find yourself fantasizing about your boyfriend, husband, kissing another man? I myself will admit to it, and it's driving me insane! Just last night we were out to dinner and the waiter was such a hottie, and there i was imagining the HOT waiter kissing my boyfriend.. This movie is haunting me in so many ways..<sigh>

I hope no one is offended by this post, if i offended anyone i apologize in advance..

[Juno]

Sure!

One of the things I love about my BF is that he's got a healthy appreciation of male sexuality, although he himself is more or less hetero (I do mean, more or less, not 100%). We've, er, experimented. 

OK, i have a question for the BBM women who are in relationships with men.. Do you find yourself fantasizing about your boyfriend, husband, kissing another man? I myself will admit to it, and it's driving me insane! Just last night we were out to dinner and the waiter was such a hottie, and there i was imagining the HOT waiter kissing my boyfriend.. This movie is haunting me in so many ways..<sigh>

I hope no one is offended by this post, if i offended anyone i apologize in advance..

Aceygirl, thanks for the response..I'm glad i'm not alone with this issue.  It just amazes me how much this film has made an impact with me, ( on so many different levels) Both my boyfriend and I believe sexuality isn't just black and white, but more like the Kinsey scale with many variations. Sex is sex and it's ALL good! Lucky you for experimenting..