The Ultimate Brokeback Forum

Author Topic: New Members--Introduce Yourselves Here  (Read 319828 times)

Offline peteinportland

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New Members--Introduce Yourselves Here
« on: May 13, 2006, 06:19:11 AM »
This is the thread for new members to introduce themselves.

Welcome to our wonderful community! We are glad you found us!

Offline nova

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Re: New Members--Introduce Yourselves Here
« Reply #1 on: May 14, 2006, 04:36:50 PM »
Greetings!

Wow!† Am I the first new member to post to this thread?† I hardly feel like a new member, as Iíve been visiting this website for months.† Iíve gone to some of those ďotherĒ sites where trolls have been spewing their hate, but still it was hard to break the habit.† I donít know why I didnít register here sooner.† Perhaps I didnít feel I had the time to dedicate to this forum as many of you have.

Hereís a little of my BBM history.† I first saw BBM in DC on Dec. 9.† My second time was 2 days later, and as I walked down the street after the seeing the film, I suddenly broke down into tears, and felt like punching a wall the way Ennis did after leaving Jack after that first summer up on Brokeback Mountain.† I wasnít sure why I felt that way, but I knew there was something special about this film.† I saw it 5 more times in the theater over the next few months, and then on March 5, the day of the Academy Awards, I was devastated.† For the next few days, I couldnít believe the way I was affected by this.† Then I saw the way the Ultimate Brokeback Forum was responding to the ďOscar snubĒ, and I was given hope.† I contacted Daily Variety about getting a copy of the March 10 edition, but didnít know what to expect.† I requested 2 copies, but didnít hear anything, so I thought that was the end of that.† About 5-6 weeks later, I received one copy with no explanation, but I was glad that they responded.† Iíve since recovered from the Academy Awards, but I suspect that MY own personal† Oscar snub will live on.

Iíve come to realize that Iíve had my own Brokeback Mountain experience in my own life.† Although it was over 25 years ago when I was in college, it is nonetheless relevant.† Iíd like to share it with the members of this forum as soon as I can put it down into words.† I feel comfortable here, and I know it will be well-received.

To all members of the Ultimate Brokeback ForumÖÖI have been consistently impressed by the honesty, hope, and dedication of the participants in this forum, particularly by those who have found the time to actively support its causes.† Know that youíre all a credit to humanity.† I hope my compliments donít seem overboard, but I truly believe that the results of your efforts could be more than you might ever imagine.† There have been other great films, but has there ever been one that has affected so many people in such a positive way?† I appreciate all of your efforts, Iíd like to be a part of it, and I hope to support the Ultimate Brokeback Forum in any way that I can.†

nova20194

Offline jack

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Re: New Members--Introduce Yourselves Here
« Reply #2 on: May 14, 2006, 05:32:33 PM »
nova...

welcome to the forum, and especially thank you for the positive feedback.  sometimes when you have lived with this forum as part of your daily life for a long time, you can forget just how extraordinary its efforts and results are.

jack
"through Seneca Falls, and Selma, and Stonewall..."

Offline AlPerthUk

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Re: New Members--Introduce Yourselves Here
« Reply #3 on: May 14, 2006, 05:48:13 PM »
Hello All

My Brokeback affair started on the 10th of April 2006. I didn't go to the cinema to see the movie because I was too scared to be seen going to see the "gay cowboy movie". So I borrowed the DVD from a friend who had bought it whilst in NYC at the beginning of April.
I had not herd a lot about the film and had not read the story. To be honest I wasn't expecting a lot from the film. I had seen some of Ang Lee's films and couldn't quite understand why he was making a gay romance. Anyway I was home alone and there was nothing exciting on TV so I decided to watch BBM. I put the DVD on and opened a nice bottle of red wine.

This is where I get stuck for words. The film blew me away completely. From when Ennis broke down in the alley until the end there was almost constantly a tear in my eye. It was if I knew him or I related to how he felt. It was like I was some how feeling what he felt. At the end of the film I was in floods of uncontrollable tears. I was not able to stop crying. I cried myself to sleep.

The next morning I awoke with this immense feeling of loss. A feeling to this day I still feel, although not as intense as it was for the first few weeks after seeing the film. I watched the film again as I thought that I missed bits the night before due to the unstopable sobbing. Again the the tears almost the whole way through. Over the next few days I watched clips as I couldn't bring myself to watch the whole thing again as I couldn't deal with the raw unexplainable emotion caused by the film.

I pre-ordered a copy of the DVD which was delivered to my door on the day of release(UK-April 24th). I have not been able to watch it. I'm too scared. I do not know how to describe the feelings that I have felt and I cannot explain them as much as I try. I'm struggling to understand and put some meaning to them as I would say that my life reflects Jack's situation more than Ennis' yet I have thought more about how Ennis felt and what he must of went through. About how he would of lived alone for the rest of his life. About how much he would of missed Jack and hated himself for not allowing their life together.

I'm so glad that I have found this site as none of my friends understand how I have been feeling. I must also say that I'm a 28yo  gay man who has been in a relationship for almost 3 years and I can't even talk about these feelings with my partner. This is very strange as I normally find it so easy to talk to him about anything. BBM has changed me, it has changed my life and the way I look at it. I am so appreciative of the days I am with my partner as I now see how important each day is as you never now if it is going to be your last.

I'm hoping that chatting on here will help me get over this thing that I'm going through, help me to be able to watch the film again and I'm hoping that I'll meet some friends along the way. That's my story and how I have gotten to writting on here. I hope I don't sound like a psychotic freak. I'm not! I'm just very confussed about these feelings/emotions and loss that I'm feeling and from reading the other posts I'm not alone.

Thanks to Annie and Ang,

Al
...truth is, sometimes I miss you so bad I can hardly stand it...

Offline jack

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Re: New Members--Introduce Yourselves Here
« Reply #4 on: May 14, 2006, 07:07:47 PM »
al...

i think you have found your oasis of understanding.  you can endulge in all the self examination and movie disection you want to in here, and we will understand.  or, you can spend days and hours reading our musings.  you can even read all the postings of a given writer with whom you particularly identify if you wish.  it will just tkae you a little time to figure out how to make the forum work for you.

relax and enjoy...
jack
"through Seneca Falls, and Selma, and Stonewall..."

Offline peteinportland

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Re: New Members--Introduce Yourselves Here
« Reply #5 on: May 14, 2006, 09:03:46 PM »
Nova and Al,

Welcome opt our forum. Or should I say, welcome home!

Pete

Offline magnumman06

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Re: New Members--Introduce Yourselves Here
« Reply #6 on: May 15, 2006, 08:17:38 PM »
Hello all members,
   I first saw THE movie in January and then again in February before viewing it a few times once i got the DVD. The movie is always on my mind. I am emotionally connected to it, because of someone I fell for while  in college 30 years ago and the parallels of never being able to have a complete relationship with this person. Just hearing the Gustavo Santaoalla's musical masterpiece on the soundtrack brings a tear to my eye.
   Reading all the threads about the movie particularly the scene-by-scene section is most interesting. Every time I see a scene from the movie, I notice something new. The beauty of Ang Lee's film making is amazing. with the duality throughout the movie as has been mentioned in previous threads such as paper sacks in the beginning and end, the dead sheep and Earl, Jack Twists Mom blue sweater and plaid shirt similar to Jack and Ennis shirts in the closet, and tonight I noticed in the 2 Thanksgiving scenes, Jack Twist is wearing a blue shirt with a bolo tie and a 1000 miles away Ennis is wearing a plaid shirt with a bolo tie.
   Also I guess it has been mentioned that the scene with Jack Twist by the brook is very important since he is washing Ennis's shirt that he keeps. Clever of Ang Lee to have Jack be naked in that scene so that you don't really notice what he is doing at first (or second) glance.
   Thanks for having this forum. I've truly enjoyed it and learned a lot in the process.
Old Brokeback got us good

Offline stookslady

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Re: New Members--Introduce Yourselves Here
« Reply #7 on: May 15, 2006, 10:36:49 PM »
I love it here, and I thank you for creating this safe place for those of us who have found passion on the screen, in the characters of Jack Twist and Ennis Del Mar. I'm a bit out of the ordinary, I suppose...an African American lesbian from the south, in a committed relationship of 16 years. But seeing this movie changed my day to day living completely.

I connected with this beautifully crafted film almost immediately, and remained mesmerized until the end credits. As the last image began to fade to black on the screen, that of the closet door closing, the two shirts suspended from their crudely affixed nail, I found myself sobbing uncontrollably. (Both my wife and a friend attended with me...they had to stay with me in the theatre until I composed myself enough to leave.)

What followed were many, many days of thinking of Ennis and Jack constantly...abrupt outbreaks of tears while at work, as well as on the commute to and from... on my mind when I got up in the morning, wrapped around my brain when I went to bed at night, and haunting my dreams for weeks.

I had never, in my 40+ years, written a fan letter before...to anyone...but I wrote one to Heath Ledger. On the first Tuesday in April, I was at my local Walmart Supercenter at 12:30am to purchase BBM on DVD. I watched it as soon as I got home, even though I had to be up at 5:30am for work. Prior to the purchase, I saw the movie in the theatre 4 times. I bought the book on CD, dubbed it on cassette, and listened to it in my car constantly. I purchased the soundtrack and played it non-stop at work. Even now, I need only to hear the first guitar chord of the Opening to feel hot liquid well up in my eyes.

I could go on and on, but it would be the same as I've read from so many of those with which I share this mystical bond on this fabulous site. This movie changed my life. To help matters along, it coincided with another major life change that had just begun for me at the time (a substantial weight loss after bypass surgery). Because of both these factors, I was able to renew, not only the spirit in my weathered love relationship of many years, but also the love and knowledge of myself that I'd missplaced a long time ago. "My boys" (as I always refer to Jack and Ennis) taught me to appreciate this lovely, loving, luscious bond that my wife and I have, because we never know when these blessings will end...and to appreciate who I was, a living, breathing, fleshy woman, capable of experiencing the most wrenching torrent of love, and heartbreak, and raw delight imaginable.

I can actually go several hours, sometimes days now, without thinking of my boys or the film. But not much more than that. I mean, here I am, giving my words to you, because today BBM was solidly on my mind again. But being here is necessary. Being honest and letting others know how this film has affected me may help someone else that, like me, stumbles upon this forum, believing they're crazy or losing their grip on reality because they're unable to shake BBM loose from their gut or their heart. Coming here made me know that i wasn't alone...that I had a safe place to anchor when my boys would come around and "have a sit down". - KLJ

"There ain't no reigns on this one..." - E. Del Mar, BBM
"...and he felt like he could paw the white out of the moon." - Brokeback Mountain, Annie Proulx

Offline peteinportland

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Re: New Members--Introduce Yourselves Here
« Reply #8 on: May 16, 2006, 06:50:22 AM »
Welcome Magnumman06 and Stookslady. Thanks for sharing your stories and your observations with us. It is amazing to know that people like yourselves so touched by our movie are still out there waiting to find this Internet home. We are very glad you found us! Welcome again.

Pete

Casper

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Re: New Members--Introduce Yourselves Here
« Reply #9 on: May 16, 2006, 07:26:54 AM »
nova, I know the feeling you espouse about feeling comfortable with this forum.  Welcome!  :)

Casper

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Re: New Members--Introduce Yourselves Here
« Reply #10 on: May 16, 2006, 07:30:23 AM »
Al, I read your confessions about viewing "Brokeback Mountain" and I can relate to the overwhelming sympathy that pours out uncontrollably.  Welcome!  :)

Casper

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Re: New Members--Introduce Yourselves Here
« Reply #11 on: May 16, 2006, 07:32:37 AM »
magnum, as you stated, just listening to that musical score can bring a tear to the eye.  Welcome!  :)

Casper

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Re: New Members--Introduce Yourselves Here
« Reply #12 on: May 16, 2006, 07:37:57 AM »
StooksLady, that's good therapy to always rely on "my boys" whenever the going gets tough.  This movie affects many so deeply and individually. Welcome!  :)

Offline CellarDweller115

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Re: New Members--Introduce Yourselves Here
« Reply #13 on: May 16, 2006, 07:34:35 PM »
Welcome to the forum!!!!

nova20194, AlPerthUk, magnumman06, StooksLady,  glad that you have joined us here on the forum!


Offline renforde

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Re: New Members--Introduce Yourselves Here
« Reply #14 on: May 16, 2006, 09:11:05 PM »
Hello all,

Well, firstly, this is the first forum I've ever joined after 7 years on the 'net - I'm not American, and therefore not perhaps as "Oprah-fied" as some Americans, when it comes to putting their lives out-there in the public domain, but we'll see..†

What, exactly has compelled me on this occasion? - well, I guess that will be part of the process that seems to be unfoldling, since I saw BBM - the first time, a bit over a week ago.† Reading through the myriad posts here, I feel that this is a "safe place" to explore this marvellous film - and all that it invokes in so many people. I wholeheartedly agree with all the praise on these pages of the film itself, the performances & most of the analyses I guess. So, "hi".† †

There are so many overlaps in this movie that directly (and in some cases, literally) coincide with my own life, that it's difficult to know quite which thread to follow here.† I have been an out gay man for over 20 years - quite comfortable with my own sexuality, no cowboy though, just a mechanic.†

I was reminded, several times by a neighbour about this film - he, a gay man in his late 60's.† Repeatedly, over about two months, if we passed in the hall - he wanted me to see this film: almost to the point of insisting.† Theatre, DVD - whatever - but "must see".† Now, I like to keep up with "gay" films - so, OK.† A film about gay cowboys - I'll get to it.† (actually wondering if there wasn't an errant member of the Village People striking out into movies....well, hey, a gay guy in his late 60's raving about a cowboy film like this....)† So, despite work, customers, a dying cat, and a very large hole outside our apartment building I finally accepted his invitation to go & see the film at his place on DVD.

Brick after brick came out of the screen at me - it got to the point where I realised I was pushing myself back in the chair - my host chose an appropriate "half-time" break so I could go for a smoke.† Where I stared at the huge hole in the road, some six floors below until the taste of burning filter signalled the smoke was finished.†

The reunion scene was where I guess I began to unravel.† Alma seeing something she wasn't meant to....Ennis'† black pick-up (mid-50's Ford) nearly identical to Jack's mid 40's GMC (black, shabby & squeaky) when they first met, four years earlier.† Copy-cat cars.† That rang a bell - so I filed it & kept taking more bricks.† I guess if you're hit by enough of them, you become somewhat numb - which was the state in which I left my neighbour's apartment.† Numb, tears half-there that wouldn't come - no way that I could put any thoughts into gear.†

I can't recount every reaction or response that I've had to BBM in the week since I first saw it - I'm still trying to accommodate Ennis, Jack & their love, the music & beauty of this film into my already overcrowded mind.† But so far, yes, it crashes in on my thoughts constantly.† Again last night I watched the film for the 3rd time - but came unstuck at different places from when first I saw it.† †The layers, symbolism, the seriously-unnerving co-incidences with my own life....

My "own" Ennis had been, I thought, at a 'safe' distance of about 10,000 miles for the last four (!) years - only tracking down my number after dogged persistence about a month ago...† ("I had to ask 10 people just to find out where you'd moved to"...)† We too, sat under big skies, silent, smoking.....

Then I saw BBM.† †

So, I called "my" Ennis & said "see this film"...(almost to the point of insistence).† He knows of it, but hasn't seen it yet.† We talked a lot of "shop" (similar profession) - so I guessed that the kids were in the house.† Then, I could hear him slowly exhale the smoke & lower his voice to ask me: "when are you coming home?".† †This was, perhaps, not the best question to ask me only days after seeing BBM....and especially not when his voice is uncannily similar to Heath Ledger's....

Being "haunted" by a film just hasn't happened to me before - I have no real reference points (yet).... only a vague, creeping sensation that Ennises may be Jacks sometimes....†

I Amazoned the book - now they're putting bricks in books as well: thoughts and smells don't reproduce on DVDs.† And as for the soundtrack CD - like I need any more "triggers" just now, in Week Two of BBMA (Brokeback Mountain Aftermath).

So shall see where this goes - try not to get too un-hinged, but BBM just keeps tugging on the reins.


RFD