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Hey everyone - Jackie (PaintedShoes) has been one of the original members on this forum - our "honorary" Moderator, great friend, confidante, and Ambassador. This thread is for her. "Meet Your Neighbours" was one of Jackie's favorite parts of the forum, so, we thought it appropriate to open it here. This thread is for anyone and everyone who would like to talk about meeting Jackie, knowing Jackie, posting pictures, talking about her life, and just generally what an amazing lady she is. A "Sentimental Journey" - any information that is allowed to be public will be posted in here and hopefully through friends/family we can keep all updated. Whatever way the Miracle goes, the Universe is on her side.
Major Developments in Jackie's situation will be posted here:
Email from Jackie's daughter on Jan. 21 (http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28459.msg1150016#msg1150016)
Jackie passed away, Jan. 23 2008 (http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28459.msg1152670#msg1152670)
Comments from Jackie's daughter-in-law, Jan. 23 (http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28459.msg1153145#msg1153145)
An Invite, from Jackie's daughter, to a Memorial Gathering Sat Jan. 26th (http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28459.msg1153369#msg1153369)
A message from Jackie's Daughter-In-Law, Paula (http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28459.msg1157020#msg1157020)
Memorial Gathering Photos (http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28459.msg1161415#msg1161415)
Announcement for scattering Jackie's ashes in Oxford in June (http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28459.msg1205611#msg1205611)
Jackie's Family Receives the Book from the Forum (http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28459.msg1241105#msg1241105)
Jackie Arrives in England (http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28459.msg1314716#msg1314716)
Roses for Jackie on Brokenback Mountain, WY (http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28459.msg1322653#msg1322653)
Jackie's Summer Solstice (http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28459.msg1323440#msg1323440)
‘Tahitian Skies’...in memory of Jackie, by Bass51/Lenny (http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28459.msg1333882#msg1333882) (File is available for download)
In Loving Memory (Video) (http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28459.msg1486802#msg1486802) - January 21, 2009
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Jackie, all my thoughts and prayers are going out to you right now.
I love you honey. You're one of the best people I have ever, ever known.
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Thanks for opening this thread to a well deserved recipient...
Will sort out all my thoughts and photos...
Jackie wanted all her friends to stick together and support her, so here we are...
LOVE YOU JACKIE :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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I love you, Ms. Jiminy - my thoughts and prayers are for YOU
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi136.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fq161%2Fmarcuscarolus%2FBBM%2FJackie.jpg&hash=83cc6f3b8a8e1e1b89220806c43f65b4f9c58a46)
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I just don't know what to say anymore, maybe I could share a PM that she sent me at Thanksgiving;
Dear Lola,
One of my customs at Thanksgiving time is to assess the gifts for which I am thankful. Getting to know you a little has been one of the sweetest ones. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, and all who are precious to you. Yes, I know yours was last month, but humor me, ok?
Hugs,
Jackie
:'(
I typed her back "well aren't you the sweetest little thing" and she typed back "believe me, I'm not that sweet" :D
Well I beg to differ Jackie, you are one of the sweetest people on this board and you are a fighter!!! So fight my love!
We love you...
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Love you Jackie, a wonderful friend, a delightful travelling companion, someone to confide in, and one to share a lot of laughter.
Thank you, and we over here on the other side of the river are still praying hard for you, that what is best may happen.
We were honored that you visited us, and I'm grateful for the times visiting you.
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Thanks, Adrian, for getting this thread going. We are going to need it.
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Dear Jackie,
Just a quick note here to let you know that my thought and prayers are with you.
I will hold you in my mind and send you good thoughts.
Much love,
Michael
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Thank you, and we over here on the other side of the river are still praying hard for you, that what is best may happen.
That is really the best we could pray for, dear dear Fritz - that what is best may happen, what is best for Jackie.
Good night, my friends...
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Here is a post from Jackie January 2006 - Could not quote it as the thread is locked...
Hello to ALL of my friends here. I just came back from seeing the movie for the 8th time...the emotions are stiill washing over my like some kind of healing waters. After reading these last few posts, I hope that all of you can remember why we are all here, why we love this film...that somehow it has enabled all of us to find some kind of healing of our souls...illuminating the pain, the joy, the passion that all of us want, or had, or miss. We are a family in the best possible sense because we choose each other. I admire and respect each of you for the insights into yourselves that you have chosen to share, for isn't that what this film teaches us...to share of ourselves with those we love...to BE ourselves for those we treasure. Let's go on from here.
This really sums up our wonderful Jackie's heart and spirit :)
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When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm
There's a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark
Walk on
Through the wind
Walk on
Through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on
Walk on
Oh walk on
Walk on
With hope
Hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi80.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fj170%2Fdsqsing%2FIM000297.jpg&hash=21235c97dad22e1223beb026b5e782848bdc1edf)
Bay City, Michigan
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Hello Jackie. I only know you by your "Painted Shoes" pseudonym and I haven't had the pleasure of your company and friendship,but I want to wish you all the strength in the world to fight the illness that's besieging you right now.
You are obviously dearly loved by many people and there will be many prayers going up for you tonight,including from me. Hang on in there, we are all willing you to get better.
God bless you and keep you safe,
Love Nadine xx
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... and let us not forget Boris'/Jari's famous words:
MIRACLES DO HAPPEN
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Originally posted in the "Affected Me" thread, but I've copied it here.
I will never forget when I first reached 1,000 posts, and I started a thread about what my special name should be. I received a number of joking replies, all of which made me laugh.
And then Jackie posted, and said I should be called "Faithful Friend", because that was the one description that she felt fit me the most. I was so touched, I called to thank her, and it became my "tag" here, and it will never change.
When the Texas BBQ took place in '06, my direct flight from NJ to Tx had ended up becoming 2 layovers, and many missed flights due to a security scare. What was supposed to be a flight landing at noon on Thursday, beccame an 18 hour ordeal that ended just after midnight, so technically Friday AM.
I got off that plane, and bleary-eyed, tried to locate my bags. When I found them, there was a touch on my shoulder from behind, and I heard "Hello Faithful Friend". It was Jackie, she had come to the airport to meet me, and she gave my weary body a big hug.
I've since had the good fortune to see Jackie many times over the next two years, twice at her apartment, once in Ocean City, once in Bay City, once in NYC, and once in Colorado. Every time she saw me, I was greeted the same way, with a big hug and a "Faithful Friend".
When I went through hard times, she would call me to check up on me, and always made time to take my calls when I needed to talk.
Jackie, I'm sending all my prayers and love, and if I could, my strength as well.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi54.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fg116%2FCellarDweller115%2FNYC%2520Gathering%2FNYCGathering033.jpg&hash=ef265f2bfbcd62e3c6921e5bb92dd0dd8d4288f0)
She's just a few hours drive from me
she lives on the same coast
a woman that we all hold dear
and who would frequently post
to this forum where she made friends
where she'd spend parts of her day
and little did she know
she touched our hearts along the way
with the way she shared her feelings
and the way she talked to us
free with her time and her emotions
and she never raised a fuss
I'm sure that Jackie knows
that we're praying for her now
and we'd take this pain from her
if we truly just knew how
so let's hold on to each other
while we pray to God above
focus now on Jackie
and we'll send her all our love
we love you, Jackie!
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Dear Jackie,
Thank you for being a great friend.
For having me to your apartment for a luncheon,
for helping me continue making some big changes in my life.
For talking to me on the phone when I was sad,
for giving me advice about how to find volunteer work.
For your laughs and your smiles,
and your way of always looking on the bright side of things.
You never talked about your own problems --
that's why I didn't realize at first that you were so sick.
How I hoped that we could meet this January at the Red Lobster,
as you had suggested.
Just a little thing, but I remember the way you said you loved their clam chowder,
just as I loved their trout.
How I hope that we can still meet again someday when you are feeling better.
But in the meantime, I remember the last time I saw you,
Giving us a ride back to the hotel after the Sunday dinner at the DC Slash Bash.
I'm so glad that you were able to take that three-day weekend off
and enjoy being with all of us while you could.
Please know how much I am thinking of you now.
:-* :-* :-*
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... and let us not forget Boris'/Jari's famous words:
MIRACLES DO HAPPEN
Amen. May it be.
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Here is a post from Jackie January 2006 - Could not quote it as the thread is locked...
We are a family in the best possible sense because we choose each other. I admire and respect each of you for the insights into yourselves that you have chosen to share, for isn't that what this film teaches us...to share of ourselves with those we love...to BE ourselves for those we treasure. Let's go on from here.[/b]
This really sums up our wonderful Jackie's heart and spirit :)
Oh Wayne, thanks for this.
I can't think of a time when I needed Jackie and she wasn't there for me, it just never happened. She has always been available, no matter the hour, no matter what difficulties in her own life.....she was always there for me, and for so many of us.
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Remember Jackie, we've still got a date to go to the Delaware Art Museum to see the Pre-Raphaelites, whenever you're ready!
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And don't forget Jackie, that you and I have a date to go to Mackinaw Island for the 'Somewhere In Time' weekend.
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When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm
There's a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark
Walk on
Through the wind
Walk on
Through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on
Walk on
Oh walk on
Walk on
With hope
Hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone
Amen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01L3poHPaNI&feature=related
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And my last post for today: remember we have a date, Jackie: we are going to be roomies again, in Oxford! In the most gorgeous place we can find ;).
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Dear Jackie,
We've never met or talked, but the love of your Forum friends are reflections of the love and kiindness you have brought here. My thoughts and prayers are with you now and always.
Nikki
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi147.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fr308%2FNewport_Beach_Girl%2FJake%2520G%2FCollections%2FExpressions%2F026b.jpg&hash=a881bfbf68013fecb971f1b679db11345f61fa99)
Peace Love & Painted Shoes
Forever
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Jackie,
You and I don't bump elbows often here on the forum, but that made no matter what so ever when we met first in Chicago then in Estes Park. Your loving embrace and instant friendship is what always stands out to me when I think of you - which I do often. You are an inspiration. David and I send all our love to you, a small portion of what you send to all of us.
Monica
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The very first Brokie even I went to was in Colorado last year. Jackie was there. I didn't get to spend a lot of time
visiting with her, but there was one thing that struck me about her........... I noticed that all the people in Colorado
flocked to her. It was so very, very clear how much she was loved by everyone there.
Everyone !
Jackie makes us all feel special.
I pray that God will hold her hand thru this journey.
K
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FOR JACKIE
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Faycu11.webshots.com%2Fimage%2F41410%2F2003705033790790864_rs.jpg&hash=286956aa419a9cf209a18cf6834bd343419f923a)
I believe for every drop of rain that falls
A flower grows
I believe that somewhere in the darkest night
A candle glows
I believe for everyone who goes astray, someone will come
To show the way
I believe, I believe
I believe above a storm the smallest prayer
Can still be heard
I believe that someone in the great somewhere
Hears every word
Everytime I hear a new born baby cry,
Or touch a leaf or see the sky
Then I know why, I believe
I BELIEVE
Words and Music by ... Erwin Drake - Irvin Graham - Jimmy Shirl - Al Stillman
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Amen to that Roco,Amen!
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And you are expected here on the Isle of Wight in June..... :-*
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fw155%2FAndyflyhi%2FPeople%2F2007_0427self20006.jpg&hash=60be62c965952d15a96b01394740ebc4ef437261)
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Your room is ready for you.......
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi175.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fw155%2FAndyflyhi%2FHome%2F2007_0513self20010.jpg&hash=b6ed8ab5c329c8e1288ba4519716326283371ef2)
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BayCityJohn, Jaysmommy (Trish) and our Beloved Jackie
Chicago Slash Bash Fall '06
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi44.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff5%2FDiDys%2FJake%2FPersonal%2520Pics%2FJackieChicagobash06.jpg&hash=7e43a4d47cb8bf9498dc81eba64a8655194bd642)
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Another Chicago Slash Bash '06 pic
Trish, Jackie and Trink (me, Di)
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi44.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff5%2FDiDys%2FJake%2FPersonal%2520Pics%2Fjackietrishdichicagobash06.jpg&hash=074ac0ea9be637d37a6c28cbea9f40b2eebc8ddc)
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We'll really miss you Sweetie :-*
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Sweet Jackie -
Please know you are very much in my thought and prayers, and in the thoughts and prayers of so many who's lives you have touched.
Hugs,
John
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Jackie and I - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN BBQ 2007 ESTES PARK, COLORADO
Right after the group pics were taken, people were filtering back into the lodge and Jackie yelled at me,
"Trink, Come on, let's get our picture taken together!"
I will be forever grateful for that
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi44.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff5%2FDiDys%2FJake%2FPersonal%2520Pics%2FBBMBBQdijackie.jpg&hash=3a0645355175860729ea58bbf0b7f20cb8bf80a2)
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On Jackie's balcony:
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00611.jpg&hash=f5783b2b01187cd83a67fe73ad281e0448d07fdf)
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Dearest Jackie,
Our thoughts are with you.
You go, girl!
John and Chuck
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00622.jpg&hash=5b513f1755c11f45f89f0420d3705ff368ee721a)
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Jackie and I - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN BBQ 2007 ESTES PARK, COLORADO
Right after the group pics were taken, people were filtering back into the lodge and Jackie yelled at me,
"Trink, Come on, let's get our picture taken together!"
I will be forever grateful for that
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi44.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff5%2FDiDys%2FJake%2FPersonal%2520Pics%2FBBMBBQdijackie.jpg&hash=3a0645355175860729ea58bbf0b7f20cb8bf80a2)
:-* :-* thank you Mrs. Robinson!!!
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00627.jpg&hash=84e528ce8c34bc16a67028c66ec520a1dd93ded8)
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Jackie, my heart.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi115.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fn286%2Flyth21%2Fpaintedshoes.jpg&hash=aeb1a5363d6aa379bb0ddfdc0f47c7788c3f4ef1)
Painted Shoes
Always in my mind, engraved upon my heart.
"We are the lucky ones."
(((((((((((((((((((Jackie))))))))))))))))))))
I love you forever.
Malcolm
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Jackie,
I remember crying with you while watching the trailer to BBM when we hung out in my room in Chicago. I remember someone trying to take our food. I remember taking the nap on the big, ass bed and talking to much to really sleep. I remember you holding my hand while we were crying outside before the movie in Chicago. I remember Bay City and our 'round table' discussions.
Come what may, you are a part of who I am now. Changed and reshaped by a force of nature.
I remember, I will never forget.
Love,
Terry
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Jackie, My prayers are rising from the other side of the world. I know I received a welcome from you when I joined the forum and also a message saying you were sorry we did not meet when I visited Washington last April.Your care and love were obvious in your messages. When your many Stateside friends are asleep, there will be prayers still supporting you from the opposite time zone.
'As o’er each continent and island
The dawn leads on another day,
The voice of prayer is never silent,
Nor dies the strain of praise away.'
Brian
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On Jackie's balcony:
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00611.jpg&hash=f5783b2b01187cd83a67fe73ad281e0448d07fdf)
Dear Fritz,
Thank you for posting these pictures from the day we spent at Jackie's apartment.
There is so much sunshine on this balcony, and it's such a good picture of Jackie. We must try to remember moments like these.
This was the day when I really got to know Jackie and realized what a big heart she had. It was a day of total happiness, sitting for hours at her table and laughing.
To you and Chuck, who are particularly close to Jackie, I am sending big hugs. I know this is a very tough time right now, but we will all get through this by sticking together and helping each other deal with all the emotions.
Meanwhile, I join you in praying for Jackie. Let's be as optimistic as possible; she'll never give up.
Debbie
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Oh my Dear and Sweetest Jackie. Like most people here, I spent a small amount of time with you but I feel as if I have known you a lifetime. We spent one incredible dinner and breakfast at Slash Bash and many e-mails and pm's since and each of those have filled my life with your kind and optimistic spirit. You are in my thoughts and prayers always. ~Lydia
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi56.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fg166%2Fnopin%2Fjackie.jpg&hash=9668dddb73b49ece73927870c250afddcaf058e7)
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I never got to meet you, but you will always be in my heart in a special way. I pray for you and wish you all the best! :-*
Steve
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Oh my beautiful hermana...please get better....
I love you !!
Chicago Slash Bash '06
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi44.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff5%2FDiDys%2FJake%2FPersonal%2520Pics%2FJackiewithnellschicagobash06.jpg&hash=29bc35c3a378968f5b31558ac06d22f79e84d216)
Bay City Feb. '07
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Jackie and I met very early on here in the forum. She was the first forum member to come visit me at my home in Boerne.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi48.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff211%2Fkillersmom%2Fjackietrippics037.jpg&hash=0d00e6089ef4abb4ed604809b08fe4c9bfefd5aa)
We had the BEST time visiting all the sights and admiring the local "architecture". :D
I am sending my prayers up for her especially, and for strength for her family and for her huge family here. She truly is mom, big sis, sister and EVERYTHING to all of us here. She said to me at Christmas when we spoke, how much she loves all of us here. We all know this, and have felt it everyday she is with us, from the very beginning.
I am hoping and praying for the miracle. I know you have been strong for us, Jackie. I hope you call on all ours now, when you need it the most.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi48.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff211%2Fkillersmom%2Fjackietrippics011.jpg&hash=ed3bdebb0e0e6fd40266ebed78c33b1cc2402c22)
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Jackie is the most awesome person I've ever met. I don't know how a person
can have such a great big giant heart. It blows me away... her loving, her kindness, her
generosity.
I love you so so much.
Jackie always told me after ever gathering that there will never be good-byes said.
It was always... Till next time.
Till next time, Jackie! :-* :-*
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi79.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fj157%2Fdjbdc9%2FIMG_1384.jpg&hash=35fca212c126e30ede7a3fea0246b360393e83c0)
.....and Jackie knows how to turn an exit into an entrance!
David
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Jackie's been such a wonderful friend to so many here, welcoming and loving, always there to listen and help. We've met only once, at the Chicago Slash Bash, where she rescued a situation by pretending to be some slashers' stern mother! She always knows the right thing to do. Including when she turned down my pleas that she become a mod, because it's perfect that she be just as she is.
Jackie, my thoughts are with you.
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((((jackie))))
Thinking of you tonight. Hoping and sending
prayers and thoughts that you get better.
love you,
gerry
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Jackie always reads the Photo Captions thread......she'd like these.....
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"Now now now, Chuckilicious, remove your hand from my knee!"
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Adrian you posted these words: "Whatever way the Miracle goes, the Universe is on her side."
One year and a few days ago, my mother was struggling in the zone between life and death and I would sustain my spirits through Jackie's signature, hoping for that impossible miracle.
Jackie then told me something similar to what you have said here and it is this belief that I internalized from that day and which helped me to see through my mother's passage into another, more beautiful place.
Jackie you are the only person here that I address as "Didi" - the Indian word for elder sister. That's how I feel about you.
You have held me to your heart and nurtured me, you have helped me at a time when I was really struggling to make ends meet. You will never know how much that "manna from heaven" meant to me at the time and will always mean to me. It is a "forever" blessing from your heart, a heart that has unlimited room.
God be with you
Your Maya
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"You did what with my make up?"
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Jaclyn - you're in my heart, thoughts, and prayers.
Love,
Mitchell
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Jackie-
You have made such a difference on this forum----caring for so many of us! I hope that you feel all the love and support that is being sent your way.
Love Always-
April
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.....and Jackie knows how to turn an exit into an entrance!
David
Oh what a wonderful picture!!
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Jackie, we've had such fun in our special little Friends of Jonathan and James or FJJ group!
Remember winning your bet on the Kentucky Derby last year? ;)
And such work you contributed as an editor of Beyond Brokeback! That's really something to be proud of. I treasure the autograph you wrote in my book when we met - all too briefly - at Estes Park. I'm glad we became friends, too.
All my thoughts and prayers are with you.
KittyHawk
AKA Lydia
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message from LuvJackNasty at EnnisJack.com:
I don't know Jackie, but I am so sorry to hear that she is suffering. I'll keep her and her family and friends in my thoughts and prayers. (https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fbaycityforums.com%2Fimages%2Fgrouphug.gif&hash=36c6dab16096b9ea0019f2ca42c73d3dac552433)
http://ennisjack.com/index.php?topic=12650.msg671709#msg671709 (http://ennisjack.com/index.php?topic=12650.msg671709#msg671709)
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message from Shasta542 at Bettermost
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I don't know Jackie, but it's obvious that she is a well-loved Brokie. She has visited so many of you and you her.
Hugs and prayers for Jackie and all who know her.
http://bettermost.net/forum/index.php/topic,15100.msg320335.html#msg320335 (http://bettermost.net/forum/index.php/topic,15100.msg320335.html#msg320335)
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Jackie was one the 1st to greet me as new member, and offer me advice and guidance, encouragement, and mostly to breathe deeply and take it slow(er)! She seemed to have that unusual ablility to get you, to understand. Her presence here knows no boundaries, everyone on this Forum has been touched by her, either directly or indirectly. Know this: Everyone is praying in their own way for you Jackie...........sending warm wishes and thoughts your way today and always!
Jonn
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Jackie and I - BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN BBQ 2007 ESTES PARK, COLORADO
Right after the group pics were taken, people were filtering back into the lodge and Jackie yelled at me,
"Trink, Come on, let's get our picture taken together!"
I will be forever grateful for that
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(Thank you Trink for posting this lovely picture!)
It wasn't but a few steps away from the very site pictured in this foto, that I first laid eyes on you dear, dear Jackie; that I first heard your sweet voice call my name as I was searching for Osprey, theBriGuy, John Beene, and a few others that I'd come unannounced to Estes Park to find, embrace, and tell them in person just how much I loved them.
I knew you were going to be there by the guest list that was posted weeks before on the Forum, but somehow, I didn't think I'd actually meet you, but fate made sure I did.
When I turned and got my first look at your beautiful, smiling, sunshine face, and felt the warmth of your heartfelt embrace, joy raced throughout my body!
We said a few words of mutual appreciation and admiration, and then you did something no other brokie did......., you whipped out your copy of 'Beyond Brokeback' and asked me to autograph one of my 2 printed posts. I was so gratified by your simple act of kindness and love, dear Jackie!
I came away from my too brief visit with you feeling truly fortunate to have met you, hugged you in such a warm embrace, and having the opportunity to express to you just how much I thought of you.
It has been said that Love is Eternal, that Love lives forever.
My dear, sweet Sister, please know that you live in my love now, and will do so until the ever-dancing electric impulses that animate my body cease their joyous frenzy.
Beyond that, may we dance the Love dance together in Spirit, before the shining face of God.
You have my Heart forever.
your Zad
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First hearing the news on Jackie a few days ago for me was hardest punch to the gut since I viewed BBM the second time two years ago and cried my eyes out. I feel so helpless that all I can do is pray to God of all creation that she be returned to good health. This news was so heartbreaking to hear about the one person who has given more of her soul than any other to this forum. We love you Jackie, and are praying for your return to our sanctuary.
Charlie
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If some of us knew what Hospital,and in what city, our dear sister is being cared for, I'm certain that (if she were not in Intensive Care), some of us could organize a visitation group and be at her bedside with our Love.
Any thoughts?
Zad
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I just heard the news form Cuck about Jackie over on Bettermost.
My heart is breaking for all of her friends here and her family.
After my trip to San Fran I met so many wonderful people From DCF that I came over and joined.
Jackie was one of the first to welcome me with open arms.
Simple acts of kindness are always remembered and let you really see a person for who they are.
I wish I could have gotten to know Jackie better. I pray that God will hear our prayers and that will be a possibility.
God Bless you Jackie.
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I'm not good with words at a time like this.......
I met Jackie at San Antonio Airport in August 06. She was waiting for Nick F and myself to get off a very delayed flight from the UK. I knew her instantly!! We had the biggest hug!! Unbeknown to Nick she had hid Rob behind a pillar just a few feet away from us and was more worried we might spot Rob first!!!
My thoughts, love and prayers are with Jackie, her family and her forum family at this hard time.
{{{{{Jackie}}}}}
Sal :-*
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Jackie was among the first to welcome me into this forum... almost two years ago. She was also the first Brokie I met. It is very fitting that when we met she was acting as an angel who picked me up from Dulles airport and welcomed me to stay overnight when I was left stranded there and my flight left without me.
Miracles do happen, that I am sure of. Maybe our miracle already did and it is to know her.
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Dear jackie;
You are truly one of the sweetest Brokies i have ever met. You were so free and generous with yourself and your
souvenirs from the movie. I tried on the coat and hat, at your insistance...i love the photo and thank you very much for
you dear generosity. i will be praying for your comfort and well being. Sending you all the energy and love it is possible to
send. praying you have ease and resolution. hoping that guidance and strength will also be given to your family. That
they may help you thru this terrible ordeal.. i hope the surgery is successful, and you are healed to your old and wonderful
self. This too shall pass. you will hopefully receive that wonderful miracle of a cure. Given by the joined at the heart love
from all the Brokie friends and pals...Will hold you in our hearts. Love and may you be strengthened and healed..janice
ifyoucantfixit..........[{{[[{{[[hugs and kisses}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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Sendin' up a prayer of thanks for the blessing of being able to meet Jackie and experience her love and warmth she gives us all. Also sendin' up a prayer for her recovery, so we can all see her smiling face again soon. :)
Healing massages all around! We love you Jackie!!!
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Dear Jackie,
It would be something to be loved as you are here. It must be because you always have a smile on your face--not a polite smile, but a big ear-to-ear grin. I know it means a lot to your family, too, to know how many others you have touched. No little thing.
Love from my bit of the Mountain,
Charlotte
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Jackie,
I am mostly just a lurker here, and I have never met you, but I have enjoyed reading your posts over the past year. I was so saddened to read of this news. My thoughts and prayers go out to you, and I truly believe that everything is possible. With so many wonderful friends, the angels are sure to listen.
M.
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I first met Jackie in San Antonio at the BBQ - we spoke several times after that, though - sometimes the LA Posse would call Jackie during one of our parties (she was always up!). I took this shot of her with my crappy cell phone camera - it's Jackie hugging the shirts at the BBQ:
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This image stayed on my cell phone for months before I finally moved it off to my computer. Don't know why I held onto it so long - the colors are all crazy, it's blurry and the resolution is junk, but I guess it would mean a lot to any of us, right? She's certainly the heart of the online Brokie community to me, and has been pretty much since I realized a community was forming around this time two years ago.
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Below it he drove a nail and on the nail he hung the wire hanger and the two old shirts suspended from it. He stepped back and looked
at the ensemble through a few stinging tears.
“Jack, I swear -- “ he said, though Jack had never asked him to swear anything and was himself not the swearing kind.
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My thoughts and prayers for one of the most kind-hearted and generous people I've ever met, if only online.
((((((((Jackie)))))))))
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i was with sunspot and the rest of the LA group at the texas bbq - as we first arrived, making our way around the back of the house late that nite, the first person i saw was jackie. having been drop-kicked into this unknown world in rural texas from cyberspace, wondering if we'd all be running screaming from all the possible nutcases lurking in the bushes, jackie stood in silhouette glancing up at the light on the back porch where someone was about to make an announcement. i told her the next day that, even though i was from hollywood and was almost never starstruck, i'd felt a sliver of it when i met her.
anyone who spent any time on this forum knows exactly what i meant.
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Jackie
God picks the best
Love,
Ayuni
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I gave this wind chime to Jackie to thank her for driving me and my daughter to the summer camp an hour from her house last July. I felt so lucky to be able to spend 2 solid hours alone with her just talking. When I drove my daughter to the school bus this morning I told her the news and we both cried. I keep reminding myself that at least Jackie had these last two years with Brokeback and the forum. We will be sure and raise a toast to her in Oxford.
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Whenever I think of Jackie, my dearest Dervish Broccolette,
a beautiful image, a peculiar detail from the movie 'American Beauty'
immediately comes to mind:
a solitary plastic bag, blown by the wind from one corner to the next,
magically uplifted, wandering around,
caressed by our glances and thoughts,
overlooked, then focussed on again.
A day in our lives.
Between concentration and letting go,
between being the center of attention and stepping aside.
Jackie and I have often exchanged our reflections about the metaphorical quality of this image,
and whenever we saw another tumbleweed object flying in the air,
she thought of me,
and I thought of her.
Very fondly.
Today I'll try to follow this metaphor of life fly by its own wings through the Mediterranean blue sky.
And I know, deep down in my heart, that it's the same sky over all our heads and over Jackie's head.
I watch the wind blown object. I won't let it go with my eyes. I won't even dare to close them for a second.
I'll make sure it takes off, towards the clouds and, only five seconds later, lands on the ground again.
Where I can pick it up, caress it for a moment and let it loose again, to its own freedom and independence.
These are my feelings for Jackie, and they won't change, only intensify. Like this very wind.
Beautiful, strong and following his own, inprevisible directions.
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i'm so bad with words, i don't know what i can say and if it would even make a difference if i spoke.
when i first joined this forum, i wouldn't have guessed in my wildest dreams that i would find a sister across the ocean, so different from me and at the same time so similar to me. there is no regret, only thankfulness. the only thing i hope is that jackie knows, every moment of eternity, how much we all love her.
the rest is written in the stars.
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the only thing i hope is that jackie knows, every moment of eternity, how much we all love her.
the rest is written in the stars.
This is quite beautiful Martina. And says it all for me too. Thankyou. :-*
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That is a most beautiful image Ingmar..............
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jackie, the first face i saw when i set foot on texas ground two years ago when she and jan picked me up at the airport
jackie,my sweet sister who was there for me so many times, when i went trough a very hard time and there she was in the middle of my night when i couldn`t sleep to talk to me and pulled me trough it.
i`m glad i was able to talk to her trough webcam shortly before she was hospitalized,that i ahve heard her voice and seen her face one more time.
But miracles do happen,so why not for our ((((Jackie))))
hang in there lady :-* i love you!!
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Many people have the ability to make others feel at home. Jackie is home. I’ve never met anyone with a bigger heart, more welcoming smile, warmer hug or more joyous laugh.
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Beautiful words, all, here for a beautiful lady. This is the only pic I have of Jackie when I drove a few up Trail Ridge Road in Colorado last summer. The altitude and rough terrain where we walked were difficult for her, but Jackie remained her delightful self nonetheless!
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Sweet Lady of the Painted Shoes, my thoughts and love are with you.
Becca
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This morning when I was driving into work, and plugged in my itrip... It took me back to July 2006, when I bought it with Jackie from her local Target...
It was a beautiful hot day, and we were driving down to Solomons's Island, where she introduced me to Maryland Crab Cakes... We walked and chatted along the Boardwalk, and stopped for an Ice Tea and slice of Key Lime Pie, at a beautiful tea house...
She then took me to meet her son and daughter in law on the way back, which was hard, but things turned out OK in the end...
Strange that a small item like an itrip brings back so many memories...
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Dearest Jackie,
I want you to know that all of my thoughts and prayers are with you. I remember meeting you and talking with you in Colorado. You were one of those people who made me feel comfortable and right at home while I was in a complete group of strangers in a place far from in a place I had never been to. I remember the first time I met you while I was giving t shirts or something out at the lodge in Estes Park. I had seen your forum name and I thought "Painted Shoes" was such a great name. I remember your big, welcoming, and kind smile just like it was yesterday. I know why everyone here likes and admires you so much. I have read many of your posts and that kindness that is part of you comes out in each one. You are a remarkable person, you are part of our Brokie family, and I want so much to see that big warm smile in the future. My every wish is for you to be a part of all of our futures.
Jack (jstephens9)
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In The Diner thread, we are talking about how hard it is to be positive and happy at this time.
Perhaps some happy/funny memories we have of Jackie would be appropriate at this time. Here is one that came to me just now.
It was in Colorado, and she and I were in the large wagon that was being pulled by horses, going up to the BBQ area, where we were to cook hot dogs on sticks over the open fire. On the way up, we had commented on how cute the wrangler driving the cart was.
(he was quite the cutie)
As we neared the destination, the way she was sitting in the cart had affected her knee (which had been giving her trouble lately) and she was growing concerned about how she would get out of the cart.
When we got to our destination, Jackie voiced her concerns about needing help, and several forum members attempted to come to her assitance, however it was the cutie wrangler who she readily acccepted help from, with quite the big smile on her face!
;D
She gave him a "thank you" hug, and her smile got even bigger!
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I just read every word written in this thread and can't imagine the love Jackie is feeling when she reads what all her friends have to say. Jackie is by far the sweetest Brokie I have ever met. Not only that, but she is the most selfless. Her priority has always been to keep everyone connected - to keep everyone in touch. That is why she carries that 'black book' around with her every where she goes - collecting names, addresses, phone numbers and emails for as many Brokies as she can to be sure that no matter what happens everyone can be reached and stays connected.
I met Jackie for the first time at the Bay City gathering and was, of course, immediately welcomed by her. I feel so fortunate to have spent time with her again in Colorado and had a ton of one on one time with her in Washington, D.C. in October as she so generously offered to pick me up at the airport, drop me off at the airport, and called me every morning in my hotel room that weekend to see what we were going to do next! God Bless you Jackie - you sure know how to make a person feel special!!! And what Beth/bcatjr mentioned here is so true - Jackie hated saying goodbye - it was ALWAYS 'there will be a next time'.
Jackie, I am thinking of you and sending a million prayers and hugs your way. Until next time...
Love you!!
Lisa/BBMISwear
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I’m finding it difficult to write anything here except to say that like many here I’ve come to love Jackie very much. She’s always there for you, always supportive ever encouraging and to many of us she’s been a Mother, a Sister and a Friend and sometimes all three at once. Jackie is part of the fabric of my life and when I see that patch I never fail to smile. I hold her and her family in my thoughts at this time her generosity of spirit will always be a light in my life.
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"Hugs around the Diner"
Love always
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My dearest Jackie,
I shall never forget the first time we laid eyes on each other at the lounge in the hotel in Bay City. It was like we had known each other for years, but we both knew this was the very first time we met...but we didn't waste any time getting to know each other even better! And then the time we spent with you in College Park, when Eric and I became part of your "harem" -- precious time spent with a precious lady! And then the time we were able to spend in Estes Park -- again precious time spent wih a precious lady. And last but definitely not least when I had my health ssues in Colorado in the fall, you would call at least weekly to check on my progress. I knew I could always count on my wonderful "sister" from Maryland. You will be in my thoughts and prayers, my dear. My life is considerably richer since you have been a part of it.
Love always and "hugs around the Diner",
Rodney
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Our dear friend keeping loving care of Ennis' corduroy jacket and straw hat
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For Jackie
Walk with me
Through this long hard hike
And you will find
Your muscles hardened
Your will strengthened
Your soul expanded
Give me your hand
And your promise
And I will give you
A new vision of life
We trade off each other
Not because we coose to
But because we need to
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Welcome, Miaisland....
Nothing will be the same, because you are no longer the same, are you, dear? Funny how a piece of celluloid can forever change us....if we let it.
I, no we, are here to help you, as and if we can, while you figure things out, just as we are for each other.
Thank you for speaking and again, welcome, welcome home.
These were the first words that welcomed me to the forum. The post was from you, Jackie.
At one point some time later you heard something between the lines in a post of mine. You said you were willing to listen if I needed that. “I have very broad shoulders”, you said. That made me able to try and I started to write things down to send you. Words were hard for me to find, but then and there I started a process.
I am beginning to express something that is very important for me.
Thank you, Jackie!
Hope and love!
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Truly beautiful, Scott, RodRod & Miapippi!
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I first met Jackie in May 2006, at bradInblue's place, near the start of an amazing 18 months. That meeting along with, Rob,killersmom, imjackshesennis, imennisshesjack & brad was very special. 6 people who had a profound effect on where i decided to take my life.
these people talked me out of a dark part of my life into somelight. Some are still here in the forum others I miss and wish were still here.
Jackie will forever be a part of my path forward.
Reasons, reasons, reasons.
We always view our world from the perspective of that which we can see and touch. Our view of life is so limited.
I like the idea of things happening for a reason, if we need to be taught a teacher appears, if we need comfort a mother appears - whether we see them or connect with them is a different matter.
Our lives could be said to be the sum total of all the ways that we touch other people's lives. In that context Jackie has had an enormous life. Stand back, as if from up in space looking back at the earth and overlay all of Jackie's love on the globe, see how far it reaches, how deep it runs. One single soul is able to do all that. This is why we hurt.
The universe sees much more than what we see, it sees further than the ends of our noses. It has greater plans than those which we generally conceive of, those plans must need good souls.
Looking at it this way, makes our own personal pain and sadness seem insignificant. Perhaps Jackie is ready for those greater deeds, perhaps her love is also.
hugs everyone
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Jackie Dear,
As you strap on your armor to do battle with illness, imagine all of your friends here with sword & shield in hand - right beside you!
Thank you for all the love and care you have lavished on so many at this amazing Forum and in person.
I look forward to your return, and having more chances to meet you along the journey.
Love,
Jay
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So sorry about the news Big Sister Jackie...
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Your Little Brother's arms are hugging you tight, with love...
Rob
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I always assume my friends are going to make it. When I got the news that Jackie was sick, I knew it was serious, and I was concerned, but not too fearful. I assumed she would pull through. I thought, Yikes, that's going to be painful, I hope she can bear it. In the first few moments of my mental process, I had a practical concern: How quickly do I have to act? Do I have to drop what I'm doing, run to the store for a card, compose something and get it in the mail today? No, everyone agreed. There was plenty of time. Just do it soon.
We always assume time. Of course we do: it's an extension of what we assume every day. Every time I spoke to Jackie, from the first day I saw her post, I assumed I had more. More time than I could imagine. Long before she knew it, for months, presumably, the cancer was growing inside her, yet she and I and most everyone in her life made the same assumption: No hurry. Lots and lots of time.
Well, no, it turns out. We were almost out of time. Not even time to say goodbye. She is still alive, but she's dying. I did not imagine it coming this quickly if it were to come at all, and I certainly didn't imagine the complications of liver failure: that there would be a mental in-between period, where she remained alive, but it was already to late to giver her warm feelings on her trip wherever a soul goes. God, how I wish I had mailed that card that day. Just so she could have seen it while she knew who I was, while I could still bring her a brief little smile. Too late for that. All I can do is remember to smile at all the other people in my life while I still have a chance. I think I'll call my mom today, and let her know how much she means to me. I don't want to make it a one-time thing, but it's a start.
I'm terrified of saying the wrong thing at these moments, but my heart is screaming at me to remind you guys of how much you mean to me. Jackie's news made me cry yesterday, and again this morning when I read her daughter's sweet but tragic email--just because she was Jackie, but also because for me, she embodies all of you. I wake up amazed every day that you all are out there, that you, that we have pulled together into something bigger than ourselves. It's comforting to me. It makes me smile. I hope it makes you smile. It hurts very badly to lose Jackie. It's hurts much more today than if we had never known her. But it was so worth it to know her. It's been so worth knowing all of you.
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God, how I wish I had mailed that card that day. Just so she could have seen it while she knew who I was, while I could still bring her a brief little smile. Too late for that. All I can do is remember to smile at all the other people in my life while I still have a chance.
So true, Dave, so true!
And so good to read this post of yours.
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Thanks Dave for putting into words how I also feel.
Anything I can say here seems inadequate.
In the early days of The Daily Sheet, Jackie used to send me little tidbits. She was one of my lifelines to threads I couldn't possibly cover.
I met her at the BBQ at Linda's house and I am so glad I had that chance.
Also, she is one person who made simple statements of love and light, when others might be rushing in to "fix" things, or joke or argue, Jackie always stayed simply positive (and caring) with her posts.
Love you, Jackie.
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A few official matters:
- Jackie's daughter sent out a touching, candid and informative email, which I think we will be able to post here, soon. I don't want to step on any toes, so I'll leave that to others for now.
- I want to honor all Jackie's requests, and help the family in any way possible. Her daughter wrote this in the email (apparently directed to everyone: friends, family, etc.): "The liver failure causes her to be not mentally with it. She recognizes me and my brother, Mark, but generally speaks random nonsense. As much as I know her friends would love to call her, she really won't know who you are.Please do not call. I don't have the mental energy required for conversation at this point." I sincerely hope everyone will respect that request. They have their hands full right now.
- She also said this to FORUM FRIENDS: "Please direct all questions and concerns to Nelly. . . . I'll let her be the spokesperson, as Mom requested." That sounds like a good plan. Let's respect that, too. And we'll have to talk to Nellie and see if she can handle it all. If it's too much, we'll figure out a Plan B on that and let you know.
- As a group, we should think about what we can/should/might do to honor her. Let us know your thoughts. (Post them here, or PM to Adrian.) I keep feeling like we ought to have a flag to fly at half mast when it happens. As much as I scoff at rituals sometimes, it's nice to have something that we know how to do, to signal our respect. I wish I knew what to do.
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repost from the diner...
The universe sees much more than what we see, it sees further than the ends of our noses. It has greater plans than those which we generally conceive of, those plans must need good souls.
Looking at it this way, makes our own personal pain and sadness seem insignificant. Perhaps Jackie is ready for those greater deeds, perhaps her love is also.
hugs everyone
Thank you Nick. I know that there are times when life seems incredibly dark - I remember this from a period in my life where I was losing people weekly and daily. What we need to remember is that Jackie does not want us to hold that darkness in our hearts. Whenever I would talk about the people I have lost in the mourning thread she was always most comforting and kind.
Whatever the point of all of this pain is (and I don't pretend to know) I can tell you that I do know she would not want us to focus on the hurt and sadness - that she would want you to be comforted and to release and ease your pain. And in turn I hope that she is not feeling pain and is comforted.
Hugs around the diner.
let me add this to my two dear, wise friends words.
may we not celebrate that of ourselves, or BECAUSE of what we took away from this experience, and from our contacts with jackie, there are few if any of us who have not told those we love, friends and family that we do indeed love them.
jackie was told, on a daily basis, by thousands of us, that she was special, that she was loved. who could ask for more of a life. i know i cherish the love i have given and received here and in the real world. i will be at peace when my boat sails. and so i bet it is with jackie.
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In fact, that is really true, Jack, thank you for that bit of insight. Sometimes, I admit, some of our forum "love" seems like black and white words that flicker on a screen, but in fact the positive message was reinforced for Jackie over and over.
That is a blessing.
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Dave....thank you for your posts...
I'm handling everything just fine....so it's okay to continue this route...Adrian is takinginfo from people and PMing him so I'm not bombarded ....but this is all okay....I will continue to do as much as I can,for Jackie...
I too,wanted to call her the other day..and then something came up and I didn't...the weekend came and passed and now this...yes, we can kick ourselves with the "if only I" ...but we can't start doing this to ourselves...Jackie knows darling....Jackie knows...the times I did call Jackie I always said that you all are thinking of her and sending hugs,kisses...and she would always end the conversation with " I love you ,honey"...I'm going to miss this.....this is tearing my heart out....my kids and husband continue to hug me...you all are so very nice by saying so so many beautiful things about Jackie....and this is food for my heart....please continue to talk about her....please remember the good times we had and even the bad...the misunderstandings we had with her....how we grew to know her "tough" side....God, EVERYTHING about her...
((((hugs))))
Nellie
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A few official matters:
- Jackie's daughter sent out a touching, candid and informative email, which I think we will be able to post here, soon. I don't want to step on any toes, so I'll leave that to others for now.
- I want to honor all Jackie's requests, and help the family in any way possible. Her daughter wrote this in the email (apparently directed to everyone: friends, family, etc.): "The liver failure causes her to be not mentally with it. She recognizes me and my brother, Mark, but generally speaks random nonsense. As much as I know her friends would love to call her, she really won't know who you are.Please do not call. I don't have the mental energy required for conversation at this point." I sincerely hope everyone will respect that request. They have their hands full right now.
- She also said this to FORUM FRIENDS: "Please direct all questions and concerns to Nelly. . . . I'll let her be the spokesperson, as Mom requested." That sounds like a good plan. Let's respect that, too. And we'll have to talk to Nellie and see if she can handle it all. If it's too much, we'll figure out a Plan B on that and let you know.
- As a group, we should think about what we can/should/might do to honor her. Let us know your thoughts. I keep feeling like we ought to have a flag to fly at half mast when it happens. As much as I scoff at rituals sometimes, it's nice to have something that we know how to do, to signal our respect. I wish I knew what to do.
Sweetie...no one has her daughter's number but me....and it will not be shared...if in fact there is another person with her number as I'm sure I can think of a couple that may have....no worries...they have the sense to know not to call......thank you Dave,for everything
Nellie
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Oh Jackie. How special a friend you have been to me and to all us.
I met Jackie in Chicago and was lucky enough to spend a special day bonding with her, Maggie and Terry. I learned that day what a rare and wonderful person was among us. She shared her story and her growth and her fears and opened up her heart to strangers. I will never forget the moving moment when she presented Maggie with a special book of poetry that she had inscribed and picked out just for her. We all cried. We watched the BBM trailer on the hotel TV and cried more.
Jackie invited me to her home and made me feel welcome. She kept in touch way better than I. We exchanged phone calls and shared so much. We watched BBM in Bay City holding hands and crying and moving on together. I will treasure all those moments.
I love you Jackie. More than words can possibly say.
Jenny
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Nellie has posted the recent email message (http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=23626.msg1149319#msg1149319) from Jackie's daughter.
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Thanks for the link to the email. Nellie, I think it would be useful for people to have it here, too, and to make this the central place for people to turn to for information as it develops.
If you could repost it here, that would be great. (Leave it in the other thread as well.) And whenever you get news, post it here.
We know that everyone is concerned and most of us are torn between dreading news but needing it. I think the best way to help everyone is by updating the first post of this thread with links to major developments. Once Nellie reposts the email, a mod will add a link to that in the first post, and we'll add future links when big things happen.
Thanks.
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I just want to say that I take my hat off to our Jackie for a life well lived and a heart well spent. I am grateful that she is out of it mentally. While it makes it hard for those who love her, it makes it easier on her. I hope that they med her to where she has no idea what is going on and that she passes into the arms of God easily, sweetly, as lightly and softly as a feather. We have lost so much.
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Right from the start, Jackie has been the unofficial, one-person welcoming club to the Forum. I suspect a lot of members would not have stuck around if it wasn’t for her encouragement, support and love. When Jackie talks to you, she has the knack of making you feel you are the most important person to her. Life hasn’t always been easy for her, but typical Jackie, her focus was on you – not on her.
As a lot of you, I, too, met Jackie for the first time at the Texas BBQ although we had talked on the phone some before that. The first day I was there, she and I volunteered to pick up Connie from the airport. I no longer remember if we were just early or Connie’s plane was late, but we ended up with quite a long wait at the airport which gave us the opportunity to get to know one another. We found that we had some similarity in our lives, were of similar ages and that bonded us immediately. From then on, we talked regularly on the phone and we always felt that we had a connection.
I think in the Forum, Jackie found her home and for that I am very glad for her. It has given her the opportunity to show her love and to receive that love and devotion back. This thread is the tribute she deserves and would be so proud of it – I only wish she could enjoy it. Jan
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Heartbreakingly beautiful posts, ladies, and said with so much love and incredible tenderness.
Merci. :-* :'(
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Jan, my plane was late ;) and am glad for that now!!
i had another spine nerve block today and had to check out if it worked well, so i went to the beach afterwards.
i haven`t been taken any pics lately(due to several reasons) but today i took my cam with me and have been strawling at the beach and sitting at a dune top, thinking of all the sweet memories i have with jackie
for you sweetie :-*
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When Jackie first discovered I was local--living in her area--she called me so fast! I remember our first conversation--I had to pinch myself I was so happy to hear from her. We got together a couple of times with our other local Brokies and had a really good time. Her hugs were like getting temporarily lifted from the planet and planted in a warm soft cloud. We went on with our own busy lives and I haven't seen her in a long time, but I always knew she was there for me--another local lovely Brokie. So I was so sad when I read today that she is gravely ill. My thoughts and prayers are with her wonderful family, of which she spoke so lovingly, and dear friends.
DeTina
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We are a family aren't we? You said it all for me. I can't find any words now. Hugs, and love, to all of you.
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Oh Jackie. How special a friend you have been to me and to all us.
I met Jackie in Chicago and was lucky enough to spend a special day bonding with her, Maggie and Terry. I learned that day what a rare and wonderful person was among us. She shared her story and her growth and her fears and opened up her heart to strangers. I will never forget the moving moment when she presented Maggie with a special book of poetry that she had inscribed and picked out just for her. We all cried. We watched the BBM trailer on the hotel TV and cried more.
Jackie invited me to her home and made me feel welcome. She kept in touch way better than I. We exchanged phone calls and shared so much. We watched BBM in Bay City holding hands and crying and moving on together. I will treasure all those moments.
I love you Jackie. More than words can possibly say.
Jenny
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Jan, my plane was late ;) and am glad for that now!!
Conny - It's funny how some things need perspective to be appreciated. You are right, I'm glad your plane was late -- I'm not sure I would have had the opportunity to talk so long with Jackie just by ourselves otherwise - as I'm sure you remember, Linda's place was already a zoo by the time you arrived and one-on-one conversations hard to come by.
Also, Jackie and I had fun waiting to meet you and trying to spot you - and it was an enjoyable ride back to Linda's -- getting to know each other. I still remember with the fondness the next day that you and I and John spent together shopping. These are moments in time that we can cherish.
Jackie would be please that this thread is bringing back friends who haven't talked in a while. Take care my friend and keep in touch. Hugs! Jan
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I have not been fortunate enough to meet Jackie in person
but, of course like so many others here, feel that she is a friend
due to her gregarious on-line personality combined with a sense of
absolute sincerity, grace, and largess.
Her "welcome to the greatest place on earth" always gives me a smile and
a sense of warmth and sincere acceptance.
At a time when the world needs all the Jackie's we can find,
it is all the more difficult to say goodbye and god's speed.
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I just found out. My heart is very sad. She was the warmest person I have ever met. I'm at work right now, a new job. Its sad she and Nellie were the reason in taking this New job. I hated my other one. Jackie always told me to do things that would make me happy. So, I did.
The new job is walking distance from my Condo, so I am saving a lot in gas money. It does pay less, but the stress level is far less than the other job. It does allow me to come on this site to communicate with others and post more. More Free time.
Love, Tom
PS. you will always have a special place in my heart.
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Jackie would be please that this thread is bringing back friends who haven't talked in a while.
So very true.
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After I posted a few pictures in Fan Fair of the jazz trumpeter Chet Baker a while back, Jackie excitedly wrote me a PM saying how she loved him and even had the original print of Chet and his friend Lily, signed by the photographer, hanging in her home.
We exchanged a few PMs after that, her envious of me having seen Bruce Weber's documentary on Baker, and me terribly jealous of her owning the signed original photograph. :) :-*
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She was one of the most crucial people who made this place "best place in the world". Words fail me today, in any given language.
I may have been one of the last forum members to speak with her. I called her last Saturday, mere three days ago. She knew who I was but was very tired and she found it hard to focus. She said "hello, sweetie", like she always did and now, every time i close my eyes and listen I can hear her saying just that. We didn't talk long, maybe two minutes but my last words for her were "we love you" and as always she said: "I love you, sweetie".
janie g said recently in "How forum has affected me" that "The wisdom here taught me never to let an opportunity go by, never to leave things until later because sometimes November doesn't come ..." Sometimes it doesn't and it pains me that she never got to see Oxford. Yet, somehow I do believe that she'll be there.
Knowing Jackie is a gift, a miracle, a joy. We all were born (or created, if you will) out of the dust from the dawn of time and to startdust we all shall become when our time comes. And then we'll share eternity.
You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount.
At the heart of time, love of one for another.
We have played along side millions of lovers,
Shared in the same shy sweetness of meeting,
the distressful tears of farewell,
Old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever.
Rabindranath Tagore
Good night, sweetie. See you on the flip side.
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Bubo,
Your post reminded me of the time Jackie posted this picture to the Queer as Folk thread. She was a fan and had gone to some event where the cast were signing autographs. I recall that she was thrilled to not only get a picture with Gale Harold, star of QaF, but that she "actually got to place her hand on his shoulder!!" ;D She had such an infectious enthusiasm for a huge range of interests, and relished each to the fullest!
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I just read the news and am at work, so can't post exactly what I want to.
But - I had the great fortune of meeting Jackie and spending some time with her in Colorado.
I vividly remember the very moment we first met in person. It was at Estes Park. She had just arrived and was being greeted by others. At some point, the room parted and we saw eachother. There was instant recognition, moving towards eachother with open arms - and a long, warm hug.
It is a moment I will treasure even more, now.
Dan
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Conny - It's funny how some things need perspective to be appreciated. You are right, I'm glad your plane was late -- I'm not sure I would have had the opportunity to talk so long with Jackie just by ourselves otherwise - as I'm sure you remember, Linda's place was already a zoo by the time you arrived and one-on-one conversations hard to come by.
Also, Jackie and I had fun waiting to meet you and trying to spot you - and it was an enjoyable ride back to Linda's -- getting to know each other. I still remember with the fondness the next day that you and I and John spent together shopping. These are moments in time that we can cherish.
Jackie would be please that this thread is bringing back friends who haven't talked in a while. Take care my friend and keep in touch. Hugs! Jan
oh yes brings back the best of memories :-*
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Jackie - an instrument of God's peace..............
Prayer of St. Francis
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Till we meet again.
greylocke
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In July 2006, whilst travelling and on my way to the Texas BBQ my first port of call was Washington to spend a few days with Jackie. She had already welcomed me into her heart (after checking with BBMBLISS that I was not as bigger lush and party animal as my forum persona projected), and then into her home....
We spent 4 days touring Maryland and DC, and had a great time...
One evening we went to Fritz for supper...
Here is Jackie surrounded by, 3 men, Fritz, Earl and their lodger Tommy...
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Jackie Fritz and Earl, with the wonderful Orangey at her feet...
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Your post reminded me of the time Jackie posted this picture to the Queer as Folk thread. She was a fan and had gone to some event where the cast were signing autographs. I recall that she was thrilled to not only get a picture with Gale Harold, star of QaF, but that she "actually got to place her hand on his shoulder!!"
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Thanks for posting that - Jackie used it as her avatar during the early months of the Forum, until after the Texas BBQ.
I'm sure she would be overwhelmed by all of these beautiful and heartfelt tributes - those who deserve them the most usually are.
Jari how wonderful you got to speak to each other over the weekend.
She is and will ever be all-loving, all-embracing.
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We love you Jackie! I'm so glad you are part of our lives. :-* :-*
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Jackie took me to an old presidents house (Sorry forget which one) - Whilst we were waiting in the queue to get in, one of the tour guides was stating that one of the keys or something inside was a replica as the original was currently being shown elsewhere...
Jackie, all indignant, spoke up, and objected, as she had a friend who had come all the way from London to see this...
What a sweetheart...
We had a great day despite the missing key, and here is Jackie sitting out the back of the house watching me walk down the slope to look at some gardens and the river...
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I don't know what to say other than that this is so sad sad and horribly unfair and shocking
Thanks Nellie and others for updates and tellings of when you recently met/spoke with her.
Thankyou all for beautiful posts and lovely pictures of Jackie and other things. I've searched for my Texas BBQ-cd:s but they are too safely packed (I'm probably going to move relatively soon) and I'm too shocked and tired to think straight now.
Why why why? I don't understand.
...and it doesn't make things easier knowing Jackie goes through the merciless illness that caused my birthmother's passing.
...I don't mean to bring anybody down but I'm so upset - reading through this thread is like she has already passed....like a vigil.
I'll try and pull myself together and share some bright thoughts as well.
Jackie of course was part of the warm welcoming experience I got coming new to this forum.
She has quickly become a friend who I can talk openly with, joke and cry with.
I remember one particular beautiful thing she told me at the Texas BBQ (and then posted), when everyone was watching BBM and she sat right behind me:
She said that it was an amazing experience to actually feel for a moment that she watched the film as through my eyes and perception...
Such a beautiful and Jackie kind of thing to say!! :'( :-*
We have giggled about hot moviestars....
... and no one can say RATS! with such a big smile on her face...
It turned out she was among the handful of friends that I dared to confide my long kept secret and she definitely influenced me to eventually post about it a few months ago.
I can't belive this is happening
I can't, I won't.
Well, I won't!
That was so Jackie to have for an avatar signature.
...I was among those who got to webcam-chat with her from London, and I am so so grateful for that. I also talked to her on the phone a few days prior to that.
Thankyou big sister for everything.
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An earlier mention of the music Jackie loved reminded me of some music we exchanged. She sent me two CDs with some powerful choral pieces taken from films along with a couple of pieces from Officium by The Hilliard Ensemble. I can't remember what I sent her.
Those selections make me think she might like this beautiful Ave Maria (http://www.stdominics.org/music/recordings.asp) that our mutual friend, Jonathan, told me about. It's free to download and it might bring a little comfort to others, as well.
- Lydia
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Thankyou Wayne for telling us lovely stories from your trips together, please tell us more if you can.
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The night before I left for Skyline Parkway, Jackie gave me the priviledge of taking her out for dinner to her favourite and local Italian Restaurant....
Here we are both sated, post food...
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I do not think I have posted this before, for vanity reasons, but now there seems no reason not to...
Other highlights of this trip were
1) Having a great time at The Awakening
2) Laughing our heads off like nutters about the fact that we call it a shopping trolley and Jackie called it a shopping cart... All the other shoppers thought we were mad!!!!!!!
3) Cleaning her patio windows for her, as her mobility would not allow...
4) Jackie shifting through all my bathroom and hair products, with a wry smile on her face...
And
5) Watching BBM together - I did not want to do it, but Jackie insisted, and I am so glad we did now... After the film had finished, we sat on the balcony for a couple of hours talking about life, love, and all other important matters... I will keep this memory forever...
I am so glad also that I spoke to Jackie a week ago today... She was in the hospital and in pain, and the nurse was moving her around when I called... She asked the nurse to come back later as this call was from London... I laughed and said I would call her back in 5 minutes...
It was so wonderful to speak to her... She sent her love to all, and I told her that Nellie was sending us regular updates, and that we were all supporting each other.. She was so grateful and said it meant everything to her...
We only spoke for a few minutes and at the end of the conversation after I told her that I loved her, she finished off with her Jackie quip...
I love you more...
These will likely be the last words I hear her speak, and it encapsulates the entire selfless essence of her person...
Well Jackie we all love you as much as you love us...
Wayne
XXXXX
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Thankyou Wayne for telling us lovely stories from your trips together, please tell us more if you can.
And wonderful post V... All of our stories tell of the same great person...
And I know she thought the world of you and your bravery... She told me so on several occasions... I told her on MSN that you were coming to London in December, and her face beamed, and she said... 'That is so wonderful honey'
:-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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it was the cutie wrangler who she readily acccepted help from, with quite the big smile on her face!
She gave him a "thank you" hug, and her smile got even bigger!
Eric and I became part of your "harem"
she was thrilled to not only get a picture with Gale Harold, star of QaF, but that she
"actually got to place her hand on his shoulder!!"
I love all of these -- Jackie sure appreciated the men! :D ;) :-*
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Jackie,
Your heart is bigger than Noah's Ark.
Room for all of us, two by two, OR NOT.
Ride out this storm, Gal!
With huge affection,
Larry
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I think I'm still a bit in shock over this news....
All I can say at this time is, Jackie is one of those extraordinary people you meet a few times at the most in your life. I pray for a miracle.
Love ya Jackie,
Jo
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I love you Jackie. More than words can possibly say.
Jenny
Jenny, our Jackie would be so delighted to see you back here. Even though she cannot be with us right now, her energy and spirit continues to be a driving force in our lives.
I am having a very hard time writing anything. I find myself staring at the computer screen, images of Jackie and memories of some of our intense discussions careening around my brain. I can barely write a coherent thought.
Jackie, you are so loved and cherished!
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I am very sad today about Jackie, but I keep thinking she would want us to celebrate her life and not
be so sad. That is hard.
I know that right now there are angels in her room.
K
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This Forum allowed, encouraged, maybe even FORCED a lot of us to look at ourselves through the mirror of a film, and the friendships we made here are what keep this place ALIVE....with feeling, with laughter, with not a few tears and no little anger, but ALIVE.
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i have been sitting here reading all these wonderful posts about jackie with tears streaming down my face. i had just found out fairly recently that she was ill, had no idea tho that she was so ill she wouldn't recover from it until now.
i met jackie in bay city last year. she was wonderful and so warm and welcoming. and then this past oct in dc she took off from work to spend the weekend with us and drove us all over, including back and forth to the airport. she always gave so much of herself to everyone.
i am not sure what else to say. i am still in shock that it is only a matter of time now. it happened so fast. i know she was planning to go to england in june and was so looking forward to it but i know she will still be there in spirit with all the other brokies as she always will be at any furure gatherings.
i am still praying so much tho for there to be a miracle or a remission or something and that she will be able to be with us in person again.
jackie, please know i am thinking about you and praying.
love,
teresa
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Dear Jackie,
You are one of the most cordial and warmhearted persons I ever met. I don't have words right now. But you are in my thoughts and prayers. We'll meet again, wherever this will be.
Till next time...
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Dearest Jackie,
Since the moment I heard the news about you, my mind has been a million places. To the first hug you gave me when we finally met in person at Estes Park and that last hug before I left the hotel to return home. No goodbyes; just see you again. I think about us, in Beckla’s car, heading up the mountain to the visitor’s center, singing along with the tape she had made. Time spent strolling through the open market in Estes Park on our last day there. Time spent visiting and talking and you making sure I was okay when I’d gotten myself so upset over something that I shouldn’t have been upset over. Too many wonderful thoughts to list right now.
You always made everyone on the forum feel so welcome, especially in the Diner. It was always so easy for you. You, just being you: warm and loving, straightforward and honest, kind and compassionate.
You always seemed to be there when others were in need. Always thinking of others. I wish I had the ability to make this right and make things better for you. If prayers and the love of your friends and family were all it took to make you better, you’d be healthy again in no time. Sadly, it doesn’t always work that way.
I wish I could say these words to you in person. I wish you and I could be sitting, laughing at the country house with our friends as we were in the dream I shared with you. Though there are miles between us, I know in my heart that you know how much you are loved not only by me, but by so many of the friends we have made here. This gives me strength because while my heart is breaking with this sad news, it is also soaring with the warm memories I have of you. Nothing can take those away from me and I will always be grateful that in addition to developing a friendship here on the forum, I was blessed to be able to meet you.
Sister mine, you have my love and will always be in my heart.
Janice
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I just cannot stop crying. I never knew Jackie in person but I feel like I knew her despite never receiving one of her famous hugs, we used to converse regularly with PM's and her gorgeous feedback.
The most amazing lady with the biggest heart and from the pics, a smile that would light up the room. Bless you Jackie. The most special of people.
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi80.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fj170%2Fdsqsing%2FseptemberogSlashandNativity038.jpg&hash=bb2be54447a8d6c8735112d74287b7ce61e9b099)
Chicago Slash Bash - Jackie with Di and Trish.
Jackie presented me with a well-loved "Golden Treasury" of poetry in Chicago. It is a gift I will treasure always.
Jackie, my "Forum Mama" - I used to call her that in the first 8 or 9 months of our developing friendship. It was meant as a compliment because she really was like a mom to me in some ways. I can remember a few times when I asked for her advice and counsel, and she did not hesitate to tell me EXACTLY what she thought - sometimes, what she said was not always what I WANTED to hear, but what I NEEDED to hear. When Jackie felt a person was walking down the wrong path, she would let that person know, in no uncertain terms. And, like my mom, she was always right! :)
As we became closer, she said she really didn't like the "Mama" moniker, so we became "sisters" instead, just as she was a sister to so many of us.
Big Love to you, my dearest Jackie, "Sister Mine"....
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From Estes Park, where so many of us met Jackie again, or for the first time.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sunponyranch.com%2Fimages%2FGroup-All+from+THImaging+800.JPG&hash=fd83e5161ea02178a3b8aca96b7d792435875600)
(Jackie's in the second row, about 1/3 the way in from the right)
High Res Version of this Pic (http://www.sunponyranch.com/images/Group-All from THImaging.JPG)
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I am so grateful that I went to the DC slash bash in October and got to meet Jackie. She radiated love and care for everyone. She gave me the great pleasure of getting to put on Ennis's coat and hat, she took me under her wing when I was upset, and put all of us into her little black book, the one she kept so that if a member vanished with no word the forum would be able to reach out and learn what had happened. Jackie cared about everyone here, whether she'd ever met them in person or not. She preferred to see the best in people and encourage it. She was a shining soul, as I told her at Thanksgiving.
She was part of what made the forum what it is--a living community of people who care about each other and believe that everyone deserves to live and love fully and openly. She knew that BBM started many transformations, and that one of them was our willingness to open ourselves to each other and share our pain and joy. She will live in our hearts and minds.
May you travel peacefully and find a sweet life and unceasing miracles of love at journey's end, Jackie. We know, because you did, that it could be just like that, always.
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Oh Jackie. How special a friend you have been to me and to all us.
I met Jackie in Chicago and was lucky enough to spend a special day bonding with her, Maggie and Terry. I learned that day what a rare and wonderful person was among us. She shared her story and her growth and her fears and opened up her heart to strangers. I will never forget the moving moment when she presented Maggie with a special book of poetry that she had inscribed and picked out just for her. We all cried. We watched the BBM trailer on the hotel TV and cried more.
Jackie invited me to her home and made me feel welcome. She kept in touch way better than I. We exchanged phone calls and shared so much. We watched BBM in Bay City holding hands and crying and moving on together. I will treasure all those moments.
I love you Jackie. More than words can possibly say.
Jenny
Jenny, how wonderful to see you darling... What a blast we had with Jackie in New York...
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Because I wanted to feel her with us, I went randomly into the oldest diner thread and just looked at a few pages where Jackie had posted. It really doesn't matter where you look, her posts are all beautiful. I wasn't involved in any of these conversations, but her comments made me smile. So typical Jackie - you can feel the warmth and the love....
Very true, Auntie. It is wonderful to have friends who are concerned for our well-being.
Fritz, I'm glad your work day has been easy so far. I've decided to just stay inside today, rest, and avoid the 3 H's. Isn't this stuff supposed to wait til Aug and Sept?
Jari, this whole "eye" stuff dredges up a memory from long ago (in forum time)! How is YOUR eye doing since the problems you had with it, what 2 months ago? Has it completely healed?
Hi Louise. I remember reading about the drive yesterday. Would you like a glass of iced tea to help you cool down?
Sal, in the hottest part of summer, they usually roll around every afternoon. Then we have a sauna effect, cause they seldom do much cooling. (Thank you, gods of air conditioning.) Do you have A/C, Sal?
Hi Zed, sounds as if the two of you had a great time. And to top it off, you have a nice, clean apartment! I have been known to invite friends over for the sheer purpose of forcing myself to clean up my place. Otherwise, I tend to be a bit, shall we say, "casual". (The effect of living alone, I guess.)
Hi Nick. Good to see you, sweetie.
I am going to leave for a little while. Think I will take a nap. Hope you all have a wonderful day. I'll be back later.
(((((((((((((((((((((((( Jackie )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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This Forum allowed, encouraged, maybe even FORCED a lot of us to look at ourselves through the mirror of a film, and the friendships we made here are what keep this place ALIVE....with feeling, with laughter, with not a few tears and no little anger, but ALIVE.
This just shows that Jackie will always be with us. Who else would have posted such thoughtful and wise words!! Lets keep this forum alive, just as she asked,....with feeling, with laughter, with not a few tears and no little anger, but ALIVE!
Sal ;D
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A PRAYER
When I am dying, let me know
That I loved the blowing snow
Although it stung like whips;
That I loved all lovely things
And I tried to take their stings
With gay, unembittered lips;
That I loved with all my strength,
To my soul's full depth and length,
Careless if my heart must break,
That I sang as children sing
Fitting tunes to everything,
Loving life for its own sake.
Dear Jackie, though we never met, this is how I think of you - filled with the passion and the joy of life. Sara Teasdale must surely have been thinking of someone like you when she wrote these lines.
Bless you.
CYN
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I didn't know Jackie that well until I meet her in DC last year.
I was amazed by her loving, giving personality. The morning after the bash, when everybody was leaving I was so very sad, there was her sitting with Bethie in the hotel lobby. They comforted me (I was so emotionally exhausted after this amazing weekend) and Jackie told me that it's no goodbye, only till next time.
How I wish...
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Eternal peace.....and happiness, Jackie :-*
God speed....
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Dear friends,
I've decided to share this e-mail with all of you here,this is the latest update from Jackie's daughter.
> Dear friends,
> Today we moved Mom to hospice at Stella Maris. She took a serious turn for the worse yesterday, she is in liver failure. There is no treatment for liver failure. We chose, based on her previously stated wishes, to stop care and move her here to hospice where there are no monitors, machines, needles, or catheters. She is right now in her room and resting comfortably, thanks to the efforts of my friend Dan who helped us get into this wonderful place.
> I believe everything worked out for the best. The chemotherapy treatment that she would have undergone had serious and debilitating side effects, and wasn't even expected to work very well. The chances of her improving with chemotherapy enough to surgically remove the tumor were distant at best, and now she doesn't have to go through all that.
> The liver failure causes her to be not mentally with it. She recognizes me and my brother, Mark, but generally speaks random nonsense. As much as I know her friends would love to call her, she really won't know who you are. She is comfortable, they are doing a great job of providing pain control. Two of her sisters are coming here Wednesday.
> I am so-so. I'm staying pretty strong right now, because it makes me feel better. The kids were pretty sad when I told them last night. They got to see her at Christmas when she was alert and fairly well, so they will have a good final memory of her. My au pair has been a lifesaver, as far as taking care of the kids so I could be with my mom and Bruce could still work. And my boss and colleagues at my job have gone above and beyond to cover my shifts, and I can't thank them enough.
> The big question now is: When? And the answer is: nobody can say. It could be tonight, it could be a few days, it could be a few weeks. My best guess as a doctor is a few to several days.
> I'm sorry to be so impersonal through email, but this allows me to get all the information to a large number of people. Feel free to forward this to others you think would be interested.
> Please do not call. I don't have the mental energy required for conversation at this point. I will check my email frequently and try to respond the best I can.
> FORUM FRIENDS: Please direct all questions and concerns to Nelly. I'll let her be the spokesperson, as Mom requested.
> Mom did not want a funeral, and she wanted to be cremated. Although there will be no religious or graveside services, my brother and I plan to have some kind of gathering shortly after where we can all get together and eat and drink, laugh and cry, and celebrate my mother's life. I will keep you updated on that.
>
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(((((((((((((((((((((((( hugs ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
to everyone,
Nellie
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See those perturbations in the sky over the Pacific? That's my love, winging its way as fast as it can to you, Jackie. You were one of the first, you will always be one of the best.
XXXX
Marian
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Now that I am at home, I wanted to post what Jackie wrote to me after meeting at the BBQ:
" My Dear Dan,
Til now you were a name. Now I see a friend. The Magic that is Brokeback continues to allow us to change and grow. I will always be grateful for that and for knowing you. Bless you always.
Jackie "
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Jenny, how wonderful to see you darling... What a blast we had with Jackie in New York...
Wayne Honey!!!
Just think, I never would have met you if it wasn't for Jackie. I'm sorry it took such an occasion to mark my return, but I love you guys and I love Jackie and I need to be here.
Me receiving a famous Jackie hug:
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi103.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fm121%2FMEEOOOWWW%2FNYCGathering015.jpg&hash=8c3c42a00ae1479dec831fa494d3804dd8eb76fb)
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi103.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fm121%2FMEEOOOWWW%2FJackie2.jpg&hash=cfb25b82607a3c6328b1540747f49c53e2275ac0)
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Hey y'all,
Zed authorized me to send y'all this picture of the three of us (taken by Earl) sitting around the table in the living room.
Enjoy!
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC07068.jpg&hash=1d80c7db8edbcbaba8a069a2b28876f576789f78)
Hugs!
I found this and had to share......((hugs))
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Just now, I find myself filled with conflicting, odd, unfitting emotions I can't make out. None of them seem exactly to be what others are expressing. jenny called me just a little while ago to let me know the news. Coming here and seeing everyone drawn together, I feel almost pulled apart, seeing and reading about memories I didn't share and now will never be able to. I poured over my memories of Jackie, starting in October of 2006 and stretching to the last time I saw her, October of 2007, Slash Bash to Slash Bash, with several wonderful pit-stops in between, and I'm blessed enough that I feel like they're too numerous to count and I know Many people didn't get the chance to meet her even once. I know.
She and I made plans to see a movie and go out to dinner and a theater and restaurant we both liked whenever I returned to Maryland and had time. It never happened. But luckily plenty of other dinners and movies did.
Thinking over my memories of Jackie, though, one stands out, maybe because it's recent, maybe because it's strange, or maybe because it makes me laugh. As long as I live, I will remember her along side of memories of myself, dontwanttosaygb, and chriscd45 dismantling Jackie's DVD player in a hotel room at four in the morning with bbmiswear's nail file, well, until dontwanttosaygb managed to harangue a multi-tool of some sort from the incomepetent hotel staff, so we could dismantle Jackie's DVD player more efficiently.
The next day, ignoring Jackie's protests, we (many thanks to stilllearning and chriscd45 for their journey into Mordor with me!) went on a long and arduous hunt for a new DVD player for her. I remember lying on the floor of Best Buy thinking, "I don't care what anyone says, I'm not going to give up until Jackie gets to go home with a working DVD player." Luckily everyone agreed and, though it took multiple stores and multiple hours, we were ultimately successful. My real regret is that she got to enjoy so few DVDs on it.
In my cell phone, right now, I have two phone numbers for Jackie. What am I supposed to do with them? Do I just delete them? This whole situation is so utterly new to me. Right now I feel so... young. My first instinct when I heard was to call my mother, but what's she going to do? She didn't know Jackie.
Some of you may know that Jackie carried words of mine in her purse at all times. Talk about flattery! She didn't like it when I was negative about myself, always threatening to bring them out, to remind me of how other people see me, maybe, I don't know. But I do know that I wish I could give her some new words. Jackie made every edge a curve, the hard places soft and the cold places warm by filling our hurts until they overflowed to brighten the world around us as well. I fear darkness as she moves on to the white, silent snow-without-cold, need-without-hunger. It's as if she may possibly take all the softness and brightness there is in the world with her, and I hold my breath and wait to see what will become of those of us left behind. She is fine; she is passing into a good place, I really do believe, and I smile to think that she will like it there and that she deserves such a place more than most. I mourn for us, though. I don't know how anyone could possibly fill her shoes-- painted so as to leave rainbows everywhere they went.
Miracles do happen. Jackie is one such miracle. I suppose as long as we remember that, there's brightness still in the world.
Oh, what a long post. Sorry.
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Hello friends,
I am going to E-Mail Jackie's daughter in a few minutes....I will let you know first thing of any news I hear...
(((HUGS)))
Nellie
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When I met Jackie in Texas I immediately felt at ease with her. We were sitting on Linda's (Killersmom) wooden porch, and we began to talk as if we were good friends meeting again after just a few days. I felt like I've known her all my life. Going to Texas was a big step for me, and she knew that. One of my (oh so many!) concerns was the language: I'm Italian, and I knew that nobody would understand me if I didn't speak a good English. This made me feel extremely nervous. I know this may sound very silly, but the first words I remember of Jackie are "Can you say that again, honey?" ;) She said that with the sweetest tone of voice. She didn't understand what I said, but she had known how to make me repeat it without getting me freaked out :)
She used to say that she wanted to come and visit me in Rome. "One day", she used to say. I'm sitting here in my kitchen with a glass of red wine, thinking of her and how much she means to all of us.
It's like you were here, in Rome, with me. I love you, sister mine.
Catia
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Hey y'all,
Zed authorized me to send y'all this picture of the three of us (taken by Earl) sitting around the table in the living room.
Enjoy!
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC07068.jpg&hash=1d80c7db8edbcbaba8a069a2b28876f576789f78)
Hugs!
I found this and had to share......((hugs))
Nells, thanks for posting this... I think this was in the days when I was scared to have my photo on the forum... Its great to see me sitting there with lovely Jackie (What was that T shirt all about???)
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Great post Catia, and she was there with us in Rome... Remember when we called her from the cafe...
She was so there with us... :-*
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Oh my god! I had no idea. This is too much grief in one day. Jackie was *the* forum goddess - the presiding spirit of gentleness, kindness and hospitality.
What an awful day - to hear of Heath and then Jackie.
I'm speechless.
Life is short and fragile.
Hug someone you love.
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I am completely crushed ... I had no idea . . .
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i don't know how to post this and not sure if you all have heard the news about heath. it looks like he will be there to greet jackie in heaven.
can this day get any worse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am so sorry to tell everyone this if you haven't heard already.
teresa
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Jackie will have the hondsomest of escorts waiting for him at the Pearly gates.
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Great post Catia, and she was there with us in Rome... Remember when we called her from the cafe...
She was so there with us... :-*
Oh yes...I remember she told me "Honey, you made it, I'm so proud of you"...
:-*
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I want to add my voice to those who praise Jackie for her spirit and caring.
Debi
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Jackie will have the hondsomest of escorts waiting for him at the Pearly gates.
I was just wondering what she'd say when she saw him there... what she'd ask! But yes.. and knowing how much she loved movies, I'm sure all her favorite actors will be welcoming her home!
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Jackie will have the hondsomest of escorts waiting for him at the Pearly gates.
Yes she will, Jari. She will be smiling
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Jackie was the first person to welcome me to this board, and I will forever be grateful for her kind and gentle spirit.
...sending up a prayer of thanks....
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Thank all of you for all of your kind memories of Jackie.
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not sure how to link posts from another thread... but wanted to share what I wrote on heath's news page about Jackie since I'm finding out about both today...
so just as i hit "post" to send my comments about heath, I noticed the news thread about Jackie... I haven't been on in a long time and I feel horrible that I am finding out now about my beloved BBM mentor. She was the first to welcome me here... The first person I met at a showing of the movie in Virginia. She made sure I was always included in things and even brought back little trinkets from the many gatherings she attended. I know BBM an this forum and those she met and loved changed her life and I was in awe of her ability to let it. Her tag line from the movie "well I won't" speaks volumes to me in what this entire experience meant to her.
I'm shocked, saddened, and hope she knows that while I may not have been online, I was always thinking of her... always thinking of all of you...
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I wanted to make you guys laugh...so I am posting an early post right before our get together to Texas...
Would you believe I woke up this morning with a Zit on my upper lip? Jeez, the nerves! It hurts like hell, too. I hope a hot water wash cloth will fix it.
Bwahahaha....oh Jackie,mi hermana..... :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
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Nellie, that's the first time I've smiled in an hour.
Thanks. :-*
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It was an honor and a pleasure to meet such a warm and caring person. She will be missed.
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Wonderful Nellie... Amazing post...
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I feel kind of a fraud posting here after being away so long (I have from time to time lurked and read, but not posted for many months) but I hope all of you who met, knew and loved Jackie manage to work though your grieving and cherish the memories you have of her. I enjoyed our online exchanges and her many insights into both the movie we cherish and life in general.
(Am off to the 'Farewell to Heath' thread now. Although it was that news which brought me here tonight when I read of Jackie's passing I had to post here first. What a night of numbing revelations.)
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may the love from all who knew Jackie provide the light for her soul's travel
I am one of many who had the privilge to actually spend time with her in San Antonio and Estes Park-----her smile, laughter and concern for others will be with me always
bob
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Last spring Jackie and I, just the two of us, went for a little trip from the DC area up to the Brandywine River Museum in Chadds Ford PA, to see the permanent exhibition of paintings by the Wyeth family. It was a wonderful trip, we loved seeing the paintings, we sent many of you postcards, Jackie was afraid she was talking my ear off, but it was simply good to hear her voice. We talked about many things important and un. We crossed the Sassafras River in Maryland, and Jackie took a picture of the sign for one of the Forum members. We went by an old abandoned pre-Civil War house where a friend of mine used to live, and she took some beautiful sepia-and-white pictures that made it look haunted. We ate at the museum, and on the way home, stopped at a place on the Eastern Shore of Maryland and had some delicious crab soup and Reuben sandwiches for dinner. It was wonderful to share a day with her, and we were making plans to do something similar this spring, to go to the Delaware Art Museum to see its collection of pre-Raphaelite paintings.
:'( :'( :'(
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I'm in shock. How can all this be happening?
Jackie in Chicago, our "mystery/surprise guest". I saw her at dinner, I thought I recognized her but didn't know she was the "surprise". I walked over and intoduced myself as "Little Darlin" she said "I thought so, I have something for you". I was floored, how could this woman who I'd never spoken with or had contact with before have something for me???
She came closer and gave me the BIGGEST Hug I've ever had in my life and whispered, "That's from Bobby". OMG, did I start bawling, Bobby19in1963, my good friend on the forum had sent that precious gift for me with her. I fell immediately in love with her, her sweet smile and awesome personality. It was such a short visit we didn't get to know each other well. Then surprise #2 came around Christmas, with a beautiful card from my "Brokeback Mountain Friend", Jackie.
I love her for many things, being so thoughtful and loving, taking care of my sweet Melissa, so many things she did for everyone else. She is truly one of a kind.
You'll always be in my heart and so many, many others and we will miss you dearly. You and Heath take care of each other ok???
love,
Karla
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Jackie is my big sister. I know this because we agreed it some time ago. Although I haven't posted much on the forum recently, I have been in regular contact with Jackie since I saw the film and especially since meeting her at the Brokeback Barbecue. At times when I was low while I was finishing my degree, she was always there to give me moral support - and boy did it make a difference! I'm not sure I would even have passed without the support I got from her and Jari. We shared our interests in music, we chatted, we joked. She put more fun and warmth into my life. She never came up short. None of this is real to me yet. I've been finding myself short of words, which really isn't me.
I'm going to a still place now to think of Jackie and Heath.
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:'(
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I met Jackie a while back at a Washington, DC get together. I, being the nervous type around strangers, was welcomed to the fold by her with open arms. We talked for hours that night, though the time seemed to pass in an instant.
I grabbed my copy of "Beyond Brokeback" when I heard the news this afternoon, thumbing through the pages to find her entry.
"I can't live in misery for fear of what the future may hold, not anymore.---I feel a lightness of heart that I have not felt in forever."
What a fortunate woman to have found some peace of mind in this crazy world; what a fortunate person I am to have had the pleasure of knowing her.
You'll be missed Jackie. Sweet dreams.
Joe (goaboydc)
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I still cant believe this... As with so many others, Jackie was the first person who welcomed me to the site and when a bunch of us from the DC metro area decided to meet to see the movie a few years ago, She was the first person I saw and felt instantly at ease since it was the very first time I ever got together with anyone I met over the internet. I lost my mother in 2000 when I was 24 and since then have been wandering and floundering at times and well, I felt Jackie was my BBM mother figure. Which was very much needed after the sucker-punch BBM landed on me! Getting to know her and seeing her at other gatherings made them complete. I LOVED her energy and awareness of the change BBM and the forum made on her life. I LOVED how she didn't fight it despite what anyone may have thought. Her BBM tag line, "well I won't!" always spoke volumes to me about her own journey through this life and how BBM and finding the forum guided her... I think you'll agree, despite not knowing her before BBM, she seemed to have an incredible new lease on life!
I haven't been on the forum for a while and I've found myself at times wondering why... Did I really just move on? Did "real life" really get in the way? How could it? I'm unemployed! I do miss the initial fervor from 2 years ago... the whirlwind we all found ourselves on thanks to the brilliant movie and Dave creating this site. I'm always grateful for that, but sometimes I guess I need a break from all of the things BBM and the forum (as an entire experience) bring up... The unconditional love, loss, fear, hopeful words of truth, listeners, friends, family and of course FUN and connection. I've always struggled with what the entire experience has meant for me... for my life from Ennis & Jack's relationship, and the feelings the movie conjured up to needing more and needing to connect to finally finding the site and then sharing all that is BBM with kindred spirits. It wasn't just a fluke right? But sometimes it all just leaves me confused ya know? I'm not sure what changes this all made in my life, but yet, I know I was changed... Anyway, Jackie IS STILL a huge part of this whole experience... more than I even realized. (like any daughter with their mother) And she always will be.
Jackie always thought of me-- even had some BBM cd's created especially for me by another member b/c she instinctively knew I'd want them (like my mom) and the last time I saw her she gave me a BBM "love is a force of nature" wrist band... It's on my nightstand.
Jackie, for a brief moment on earth, our hearts beat in time... I am ever grateful!
Love,
~Sharyn
To Jackie with Love...
Go to sleep, may your sweet dreams come true
Just lay back in my arms for one more night
I've this crazy old notion that calls me sometimes
Saying this one's the love of your life.
Cause I know a love that will never grow old
And I know a love that will never grow old.
When you wake up the world may have changed
But trust in me, I'll never falter or fail
Just the smile in your eyes, it can light up the night,
And your laughter's like wind in my sails.
Cause I know a love that will never grow old
And I know a love that will never grow old.
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.
Cause I know a love that will never grow old
And I know a love that will never grow old.
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Jackie and I held hands the entire time while watching the movie at the U of Maryland. When Jack said "Well I won't", we both gave each other a tight squeeze with our hands, and smiled.
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fritz, joe, all...
my love to you....
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And to you too ((((((((((((((((Sharyn)))))))))))))))))
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We have never met, but I wish you well, wish you peace, wish you closure and reunion.
We all deserve peace. We all need rest. A cool drink.
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There are so many old friends coming back to the forum because of the news of Heath's death. Many of these people would not have heard about Jackie's illness because they have not been on the forum for so long. I know that they will all join us now in sending our love to Jackie and her family. I am sorry that something bad has brought us all back together but I am comforted to know that everyone still really cares about the people on this forum.
-
I am without words when I think of Jackie. Perhaps the words will come later. One of the most amazing woman I have had the privlege of knowing. Even though she may not know me now, I wish I could be at her side, holding her hand, stroking her hair, kissing her cheek.
-
Oh wow, I'm in shock.
The news about Heath made me sad. This news about Jackie made me cry. Even though I never met her in person, our interactions, and everything I saw and heard and knew of her, always had me awed by her kindness and generosity of spirit. It's really saying something when someone's beautiful spirit comes over on the internet, and hers did, and then some. I will miss her - everyone will miss her - so much.
Cathalin
-
I've just received an email from former member Rick (AHappyMan).
He asked that I post here and say that he's keeping Jackie in his thoughts.
-
I've been away, couldn't believe what I was reading. All I can say is...what a shock, this is awful.
Do folks know about this candle-lighting website? Sometimes I go there when I feel I need to "do" something but can't think of the right thing:
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/enter.cfm?l=eng
If someone names a group (they take 5 letters) for Jackie, and we all use the same 5 letters (case sensitive) then we can get a group......just thinkin' out loud....
what a day
-
i, too, havent posted in months and the news of heath's death brought me back to the refuge this place used to be for me. and i learn about jackie. i met her in bay city when she came to meet me at the airport with john. she made me feel right at home. such a sweet person. my prayers are with jackies friends and family.
annie
-
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/enter.cfm?l=eng
Thanks, I just lit a candle.
-
Oh Jackie.
You know how much I love you and all your friends do. Spending that time with you in the airport was precious and I wish you and your family the best in this time.
I love you and you are such a gentle soul, such a sweetheart. You listened to my complaining, my deepest secrets and made me feel at ease. You light up a room and you just are a incredible person.
Jackie is such a wonderful person. A beautiful soul.
With love,
Chris
-
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/enter.cfm?l=eng
Thanks, I just lit a candle.
Did you put in a group name?
-
Dear Jackie. You know how I feel about you. Oh, you know, sweet thing. From the git-go of this forum, you were here. To how many members, my friend, were you 'the first person to welcome' or 'the first person to pm' me? Your 'net', babe, is so very large.
Our first face to face meeting, how fun that was. The 'Gallery' will always be our place. I now walk past the fountain, outside my City Hall, and see you walking toward me, with that great smile on that great face. I look at my pics from the wonderful BBQ Linda graciously hosted for us, and see the pic I have of you, with Corona in hand. And I grin.
And in the latter months, with big changes in my life, you continued to provide wise counsel, telling me I can give permission to myself to care for another, that it was the best thing one could do.
No matter what the coming days bring to you, sweet Jackie, you will be with me for a long, long time. As I know you will with many of those here.
terry
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi39.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fe154%2Ftwtaylor%2FJackieMe-2-1.jpg&hash=7de47707cb35d0c041fd06e1030465c2e95e6902)
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http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/enter.cfm?l=eng
Thanks, I just lit a candle.
Did you put in a group name?
I lit one too, thank you for the link..
-
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/enter.cfm?l=eng
Thanks, I just lit a candle.
Did you put in a group name?
bbm
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What a great idea, I added one to the BBM group too. And one for Heath.
I can't help but think of how Jackie would be in the Heath thread, comforting and helping everyone deal with the news. I miss her so much already...
-
What a great idea, I added one to the BBM group too. And one for Heath.
I can't help but think of how Jackie would be in the Heath thread, comforting and helping everyone deal with the news. I miss her so much already...
ditto.
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sunponyranch.com%2Fimages%2FJackie%2C+DaveC+from+Lydia.jpg&hash=957e7b31205e07e44fc6c06130d2b0d814ae885d)
ouch. but thanks.
it's kinda hard to look at.
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Jackie,
You bring pure joy. Much love to you. May you find peace.
-
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/enter.cfm?l=eng
Thanks, I just lit a candle.
Did you put in a group name?
I lit one too, thank you for the link..
Me, too for our beloved Jackie
-
I just lit a candle for Heath and Jackie, put them both together.
This is a great idea and thank you for starting this.
Terry
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Again, what everyone said. What a sad day. Candles lit.
-
Alot of old-timers are showing up tonight, and I'm sure there'll be more.
I remember you, paintedshoes, and love you.
-
It is so good to see all of you here who have not been in a while.
It is not a good reason on any front, but so very glad to see all of you.
I know Jackie is smiling so big to see all of you here.
Linda/Auntie
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Although many of us do not come here often anymore, this shows that we are a community.
-
Amen to that, Linda.
-
Auntie,Linda,
SO sad to come here under this type of circumstance, so good to see so many "old timer" names people who have returned. How it all draws people together..
all the best
caroline
have you seen Lynn???
-
Jackie was a class act.
I met her at Aunties BBQ, and gave her a little hostess gift as she was one of the people who coordinated the event.
To my utter surprise, she wrote a thank you note to my home, thanking me for the small token of my gratitude for her hard work. I still have it in my top desk drawer.
She had such a huge heart, and never thought twice about sharing it.
Sometimes (by Henry Mancini)
Sometimes
Not often enough
We reflect upon the good things.
And those thoughts always center around those we love.
And I think about those people
Who mean so much to me
And for so many years have made me
So very happy.
And I count the times I have forgotten to say
Thank you.
And just how much
I love them.
-
I remember when I was trying to get everyone squared away at the airport in Denver and Jackie called. I said "Painted Shoes"! And the one thing I felt was relief (I felt the same way when I talked to Linda). As a committee member you kinda feel some pressure to do what you can to see that everyone is getting as much as possible out of the experience. I knew that as long as Jackie was there everyone was gonna get some love.
I just haven't known too many people in my life who give as much of themselves as willingly as Jackie. Wow. People like Jackie make cynics like me stand back and reassess.
Jackie thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you have done for this forum and for all of these people. May you find comfort in the vast love of your family and friends.
I'll be thinking of you and sending all the good feelings my sad heart can muster your way.
-
I woke up at 1:30 last night, thought it was a bad dream. Went to the bathroom and it hit me, I wasn't dreaming. I never did get back to sleep.
Crazy insane day at work and then came home to news of Heath, it is just too much!
But my thoughts are first and foremost with Jackie tonight. :'(
-
Now they're both not here anymore. They're there, over in the light. Together. Somehow in the midst of all grief and questions why there is some kind of comfort in that thought.
Rest in peace dear sweet Jaclyn.
Candles for you and Heath.
Did Jackie pass????
-
Thinking over my memories of Jackie, though, one stands out, maybe because it's recent, maybe because it's strange, or maybe because it makes me laugh. As long as I live, I will remember her along side of memories of myself, dontwanttosaygb, and chriscd45 dismantling Jackie's DVD player in a hotel room at four in the morning with bbmiswear's nail file, well, until dontwanttosaygb managed to harangue a multi-tool of some sort from the incomepetent hotel staff, so we could dismantle Jackie's DVD player more efficiently.
The next day, ignoring Jackie's protests, we (many thanks to stilllearning and chriscd45 for their journey into Mordor with me!) went on a long and arduous hunt for a new DVD player for her. I remember lying on the floor of Best Buy thinking, "I don't care what anyone says, I'm not going to give up until Jackie gets to go home with a working DVD player." Luckily everyone agreed and, though it took multiple stores and multiple hours, we were ultimately successful. My real regret is that she got to enjoy so few DVDs on it.
Sorry to requote this but it did bring a large smile to my face with the memories of it and also the next day with all of Jackie's protesting about the new DVD...I remember we Christened it the BBM DVD and she said she would be the one to bring the DVD to the next local gathering...well I guess that won't be happening, but I know she will find that "sweet life" in the hereafter and forever find the blessing that BBM brought to her in abundance.
-
...what a tragic day....
goodbye Jackie
goodbye Heath
-
I have not visited the Forum in many months and logged on today after learning the sad news about Heath's passing. I was even more shocked to learn that Jackie passed away today as well. I worked with Jackie during the DVD project and she was a wonderful upbeat and reliable colleague. She made major contributions to the success of the DVD project and I was so grateful to have her as a member of the team.
Jackie, thank you for all that you did to spread the message of love, acceptance, and goodwill. You helped to make society a better place for all of us. I will miss you.
-
Just to be clear, Jackie is gravely ill and in hospice care.
-
Auntie,Linda,
SO sad to come here under this type of circumstance, so good to see so many "old timer" names people who have returned. How it all draws people together..
all the best
caroline
have you seen Lynn???
Carolyn :-*
No I have not seen Lynn at all.
-
Jackie was a class act.
I met her at Aunties BBQ, and gave her a little hostess gift as she was one of the people who coordinated the event.
To my utter surprise, she wrote a thank you note to my home, thanking me for the small token of my gratitude for her hard work. I still have it in my top desk drawer.
She had such a huge heart, and never thought twice about sharing it.
Sometimes (by Henry Mancini)
Sometimes
Not often enough
We reflect upon the good things.
And those thought always center around those we love.
And I think about those people
Who mean so much to me
Who for so many years have made me
So very happy.
And I count the times I have forgotten to say
Thank you.
And just how much
I love them.
Karen Carpenter:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sT1ptfnX3nY
-
Dearest Jackie, I will be missing your comforting and loving words.
Much love
JJ
-
Just to be clear, Jackie is gravely ill and in hospice care.
Thankyou Des. I just woke up from overseas and by reading the forum info box and some posts here I thought the worst had happened since I last came on here late last night. The last thing I want is to create confusion.
We still have Jackie with us. Thanks.
-
Been awhile for me here, but I'll always remember Jackie sending me a birthday cake back in December, 2005 :)
-
Good lord, I haven't seen some of these names since I first stumbled upon the place back in the Fall of 2005 and all of us were jabbering away about the short story and anticipating the film. Pages would fill up and poor Dave would have do some sort of tech thing to allow us to continue.
I have been around for some jolting changes in my time but all of this almost takes one's breath away.
I have never "met" anyone who posts here but I feel so very comfortable and "connected"
Odd, I suppose but, then again, maybe not.
I have already said all I know to say about dear Jackie, so...
"Hey old friend,
What do you say old friend,
Shouldn't old friends come through?
Most friends fade
or they don't make the grade
New ones are quickly made
And in a pinch sure they'll do.
But us, old friend,
What's to discuss old friend,
Here's to us, old friend,
Who's like us?
....Damn few."
with apologies to another "old friend"
Gary
-
i never met jackie but did converse with her as paintedshoes.
my wishes for her and her family are to have peace in the future, in whatever dimension or place that future may be.
love and peace to them and to us all.
-
OMG, GaryD
My Lord but it is a shock to see some of the old names come back. OMG How I have missed your wonderful stories that you wrote. Have you become an author (with God's help).. you should have.. you were always So good with your incredible stories that you came up with. I remember so many of us telling you that you should get into at least a short story deal because of your ability to weave images that we could all see.
my regards to you friend, so sorry that we are gathering around such a profound story such as Jackie (Painted Shoes)'s illness, but maybe prayers lifted up to Heaven on behalf of one who is fighting for her life. It has got to have an effect one way or another.
so good to see you...
-
I just heard from a former member, who even tho he can't personally express his thoughts, wanted to be here for Jackie.
Brad sends his care and love for her. Tonight he was recalling the weekend when Nick and Rob, Heidi, Carol and Linda visited his and Steve's home, the 'little sliice of heaven' as it came to be known to everyone who saw the pics of the place. Jackie's sister lived nearby - Brad knew that, so he gave her a call and she got to join the group. He mentioned the fun they had and especially how Jackie was a such a gracious person. Just one of the many stories that could be shared.
He recalled times they talked on the phone and the laughs shared at the BBQ, and he sends her his love and good wishes.
terry
-
I arrived in San Francisco early this morning. It was cold and rainy and depressing. I heard the bad news about Jackie for the first time from Michael. I had never met Jackie in RL, but have exchanged many warm PMs with her. She is a very special person to all of us.
Coming down the hill on the 22-Fillmore bus, I looked toward the Bay. There was a little sliver of sunshine breaking through the clouds, creating a huge rainbow over the Bay. It was for Jackie.
Jim
-
Just wanted to say hi to Terry. Hey there- good to see you . . . its cool to see everyone again . . . .Jackie would be so happy to see everyone together again as well . . .
-
Hi Nick...nice seeing you in here too. You're right, Jackie would like this very much.
terry
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Terry, thanks for the note from Brad, and yours as well. Jackie is special to so many members here, I met her on my 1st day here, and we began to PM regularly. I know how I valued her words in the time I've been here, I can only imagine how this is affecting Brad and you, and the many other long time members.........
-
I've been in and out of here all day, needing to connect with the Forum family, wanting to express how I'm feeling, but really not able to put it into words. It's like I'm floating in and out of a bad dream.
Thanks to everyone here for sharing about Jackie. She is so loved, I hope she can feel all that love.
I'm still praying for a miracle.
Goodnight everyone.
Trish
-
trish,
I am sure that Jackie is feeling this love that is coming to her from the forum.
good night to you and everyone as well... may tomorrow be a better day...
take care
caroline
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I just heard from a former member, who even tho he can't personally express his thoughts, wanted to be here for Jackie.
Brad sends his care and love for her. Tonight he was recalling the weekend when Nick and Rob, Heidi, Carol and Linda visited his and Steve's home, the 'little sliice of heaven' as it came to be known to everyone who saw the pics of the place. Jackie's sister lived nearby - Brad knew that, so he gave her a call and she got to join the group. He mentioned the fun they had and especially how Jackie was a such a gracious person. Just one of the many stories that could be shared.
He recalled times they talked on the phone and the laughs shared at the BBQ, and he sends her his love and good wishes.
terry
Thank you, Terry, for letting Brad know...
It's been a bad bunch of days. Today utterly terrible.
Jackie... We'll all always be here for you... Shine on, Big Sis. You are loved.
Rob
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Would be nice if Brad and some of the other early forum members close to Jackie were able to at least visit the sight to add their well wishes and read about Jackie and Heath. I'm sure it would be appreciated ........ not sure how that could be done since some have been blocked from accessing the forum.
-
We've already re-activated a couple of members. If you know of someone specifically that needs to get in, PM me or one of the mods and we'll see what we can do.
-
I just heard from a former member, who even tho he can't personally express his thoughts, wanted to be here for Jackie.
Brad sends his care and love for her. Tonight he was recalling the weekend when Nick and Rob, Heidi, Carol and Linda visited his and Steve's home, the 'little sliice of heaven' as it came to be known to everyone who saw the pics of the place. Jackie's sister lived nearby - Brad knew that, so he gave her a call and she got to join the group. He mentioned the fun they had and especially how Jackie was a such a gracious person. Just one of the many stories that could be shared.
He recalled times they talked on the phone and the laughs shared at the BBQ, and he sends her his love and good wishes.
terry
good to hear of brad. i wondered how he might be taking news of jackie, and especially of heath.
-
Just to be clear, Jackie is gravely ill and in hospice care.
Thankyou Des. I just woke up from overseas and by reading the forum info box and some posts here I thought the worst had happened since I last came on here late last night. The last thing I want is to create confusion.
No, I'm afraid I caused the confusion. Sorry about that. I did all the newbox changes today. I wondered about that one, whether it was implying more than I wanted to, and I brushed it off. I need to listen to those voices.
I had to get out of the apt, away from the tv and the web, so I went to the gym for an hour, and it was one of the last things I did before I left. I had several reports of confusion when I got back, so I changed it. Hopefully it's OK now. Let us know if it's not.
Thanks.
-
Yes that is much better Dave. It was worrying me. And now so beautifully expressed. I have not met either Heath or Jackie but feel I know Jackie so much better, famous to us indeed.
-
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ftaxine.com%2Ffullerspicer%2Fjp_texasbbq_upwards.jpg&hash=d771dab4b09ad7ba3ef088d6506b9789429370cf)
(((((((((((((((((( jackie )))))))))))))))))))
i remember fondly when we met in texas before the BBQ
helping prepare with planning and making it come together
laughing and sharing and crying as we all realized we each had
something in common because of the BBM story/movie. OUR movie.
my sincere thoughts and prayers to you -- and your family and friends.
at command central, the kitchen table, aug 9th, 2006
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Jackie, I met you at that same table!
So warm and welcoming, my luggage had been
lost and you made me forget about that. Your
inspiration and kind thoughts and gestures
have been much appreciated and I say a
prayer for you tonight!
Lyle
-
I PMd Jackie for the 1st time back in September 07...she was a little depressed then, and I was in a bad time too....so I felt the need to get in touch with her.
She gave a lot of courage and hope, and was one of the people that made me start my 'second' forum life. I've been here for a long time but posted very little till that time. I was even thinking the forum experience was done for me.
She was one of those who gave me this feeling of being in a family, encouraged me to think about going to Oxford, and to have more 'personal' relationships with people here.
Always so warm and lovely, dear ((((((Jackie)))))) sister! I was very much counting on meeting you in Oxford, sweetheart!
-
Although many of us do not come here often anymore, this shows that we are a community.
Amen to this Dan.
-
Although many of us do not come here often anymore, this shows that we are a community.
Amen to this Dan.
Great comments...
And this is one of the things that Jackie dearly loved about the forum... It helped her to have confidence in herself...
And as she said ALIVE
Still thinking lots about you this morning Jackie... :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
-
Because I wanted to feel her with us, I went randomly into the oldest diner thread and just looked at a few pages where Jackie had posted. It really doesn't matter where you look, her posts are all beautiful. I wasn't involved in any of these conversations, but her comments made me smile. So typical Jackie - you can feel the warmth and the love....
Very true, Auntie. It is wonderful to have friends who are concerned for our well-being.
Fritz, I'm glad your work day has been easy so far. I've decided to just stay inside today, rest, and avoid the 3 H's. Isn't this stuff supposed to wait til Aug and Sept?
Jari, this whole "eye" stuff dredges up a memory from long ago (in forum time)! How is YOUR eye doing since the problems you had with it, what 2 months ago? Has it completely healed?
Hi Louise. I remember reading about the drive yesterday. Would you like a glass of iced tea to help you cool down?
Sal, in the hottest part of summer, they usually roll around every afternoon. Then we have a sauna effect, cause they seldom do much cooling. (Thank you, gods of air conditioning.) Do you have A/C, Sal?
Hi Zed, sounds as if the two of you had a great time. And to top it off, you have a nice, clean apartment! I have been known to invite friends over for the sheer purpose of forcing myself to clean up my place. Otherwise, I tend to be a bit, shall we say, "casual". (The effect of living alone, I guess.)
Hi Nick. Good to see you, sweetie.
I am going to leave for a little while. Think I will take a nap. Hope you all have a wonderful day. I'll be back later.
(((((((((((((((((((((((( Jackie )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Damn! This how is always saw Jackie too!
But not helpful to my mood today.
Good grief, what a week.
-
Jackie will have the hondsomest of escorts waiting for him at the Pearly gates.
I was just wondering what she'd say when she saw him there... what she'd ask! But yes.. and knowing how much she loved movies, I'm sure all her favorite actors will be welcoming her home!
That scenario she would love.
-
I am completely crushed ... I had no idea . . .
Nick, you were one of my first thoughts. I had no way of reaching you and being sure you got the news in an appropriate way.
But finding it here is as good as any I suppose.
Hugs (you may remember me as Nick_F)
-
Although many of us do not come here often anymore, this shows that we are a community.
Amen to this Dan.
good morning or good evening michael. welcome home.
-
and same to you brother nickie
-
People who used to be part of the great heartbeat of this place, coming back under these awful circumstances, the worst of all ironies.
-
(((((((((( Jackie )))))))))))
You helped to pull me through the darkest times of my life.. I pray that there's a miracle on its way to you in your time of need.
Andy
-
Just wanted to say hi to Terry. Hey there- good to see you . . . its cool to see everyone again . . . .Jackie would be so happy to see everyone together again as well . . .
That's what she wanted.....that's all she said the last time I talked to her....she wanted us to have each other and to talk..and now it's happening...I can't believe it! Jackie got her wish... :'( :'( :'(
-
welcome back, andy. good to see you again. i hope life has been treating you well.
-
{{{{{{{NELLIE}}}}}}}
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
-
Meeting Jackie is one of the fondest and dearest memories I have from last year's BBM Barbeque at Estes Park. She was so generous and good to me. I am very shy with people, but she immediately went up to me, let me wear Ennis's jacket and hat, gave me a CD with the complete score and soundtrack of BBM, and encouraged me to take one of the cans of "Bettermost beans" with me, that stands now on my BBM "altar" at home. She is such a wonderful person. I was so looking forward to meet her again.
I never was a religious man, but right now my thoughts and prayers go to Jackie, her family and the ones who love her.
It's all so sad. Jackie - Heath...
I am so devastated. Only comfort is, that we have each other here. Big hugs to all:
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((All)))))))))))))))))))))))))
-
That's what she wanted.....that's all she said the last time I talked to her....she wanted us to have each other and to talk..and now it's happening...I can't believe it! Jackie got her wish... :'( :'( :'(
((((((((((((((((((Nellie)))))))))))))))))
-
I never was a religious man, but right now my thoughts and prayers go to Jackie, her family and the ones who love her.
It's all so sad. Jackie - Heath...
I am so devastated. Only comfort is, that we have each other here. Big hugs to all:
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((All)))))))))))))))))))))))))
I guess there are no atheists in trenches. or moments like this. Last week I found myself inside my church in prayer... first time in years.
Good to see you, Ben.... as you said, we have each other.
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi42.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fe321%2FBrad3816%2Fjackieandus.jpg&hash=5eb641735568f16e3886371af91ef0da74df57a7)
Always a grand entrance
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi42.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fe321%2FBrad3816%2FmysweetsisJackie1.jpg&hash=dcd0d22ac2d3e50e2a3573483bd668109099506d)
Never without a smile
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BRAD!!!
You have me crying again!
Hi friend! I'm missing your sweet smile...
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Always with the best of friends
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi42.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fe321%2FBrad3816%2Fheres2yousweetJackie.jpg&hash=141bfabf918934abd609623c379f913db3a71307)
And no, "cheers to you, sweet Jackie"
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Great pictures Brad, and wonderful memories. Thanks :-*
-
Thank you for those pictures, Brad.
-
Great to see you Brad.....and those wonderful piccies of Jackie!!
Sal :-*
-
^^^^^^^^^
What Sal said...!
-
Oh my God, Brad...you're here too... :-* :-* :-* :-*
-
BRAD!!!
You have me crying again!
Hi friend! I'm missing your sweet smile...
me too!!
missing ya bud,glad your back :-*
-
I don't see any new reports about Jackie, so I'm here just to add continued prayers and wishes for her and her family. what a week so far.....
-
thanks for those beautiful photos brad - it is JUST the way we should remember jackie, each day of our life. even in her darkest hours, she would always have an open ear for people in need. just as she asked nellie, even in her last phonecall, to take care that we all stick together. like a good mother would do with her children....in some way, we are all her children.
-
My thoughts and prayers are with Jackie.
Hope and love!
-
Oh dear God, Jackie. I didn't know until now. I hope you got my Christmas greetings. I had no idea you were sick. You were so sweet to this painfully shy guy at the BBM weekend in Texas and I always appreciated it. You and your family are in my prayers.
Dear God, what a double blow.
I want to cry but I just can't.
Mark
-
There are not words to describe how I am feeling right now - this latest news of Jackie has knocked me back. I was aware of her illness, but not the severity of late. I am hoping to be able to collect my thoughts today - while trying to focus on work - and be able to say something more eloquent and appropriate to honor my dear friend.
I am bereft.
-
Brad, Heidi
Even though the reason for your return is such a sad one, it gives me great joy to see you around.
Jackie would be so happy.
-
Brad, Heidi
Even though the reason for your return is such a sad one, it gives me great joy to see you around.
Jackie would be so happy.
I'm glad to see them too, Jari. and I'm thinking, in her sweet dreams, Jackie is happy at this.
terry
-
What Jari said.
It's good to see you :-*
-
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
What a tragic 24 hours. My heart can't take any more.
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
-
Brad, Heidi
Even though the reason for your return is such a sad one, it gives me great joy to see you around.
Jackie would be so happy.
I'm glad to see them too, Jari. and I'm thinking, in her sweet dreams, Jackie is happy at this.
terry
Good to see you too, buddy.
-
So wonderful, yet Ironic as Nick said, to be able and log on for a few minutes before work starts.
And there you all are once again - like going back in time. Brad, Terry, Sal, Connie, Jari, Wayne, Catia, Nellie,
Nick, Rob, Nick in Idaho, Fritz, Jack, Martina, Sarah, Heidi, Carol, Tom, and so many others who have been gone for awhile (me especially included in the 'gone for awhile') but are all here now plus those who never left and the newer arrivals.
Jackie would love this. It is so good to see it happening even under these circumstances.
And the pictures Brad, what memories.
Love and Hugs to all of you. David
-
So wonderful, yet Ironic as Nick said, to be able and log on for a few minutes before work starts.
And there you all are once again - like going back in time. Brad, Terry, Sal, Connie, Jari, Wayne, Catia, Nellie,
Nick, Rob, Nick in Idaho, Fritz, Jack, Martina, Sarah, Heidi, Tom, and so many others who have been gone for awhile (me especially included in the 'gone for awhile') but are all here now plus those who never left and the newer arrivals.
Jackie would love this. It is so good to see it happening even under these circumstances.
And the pictures Brad, what memories.
Love and Hugs to all of you. David
Very good to see you David too. :-*
-
I am here too.
What a sad, sad day yesterday...finding out about Heath and then Jackie not long after.
*Hugs* to everyone. Jackie was such a bright, loving light to so many of us. I remember the laughter at Brad's, and smoking on the back porch with her and Heidi... ::)
I've mised you all, and will keep you in my thoughts.
Carol
-
I am here too.
What a sad, sad day yesterday...finding out about Heath and then Jackie not long after.
*Hugs* to everyone. Jackie was such a bright, loving light to so many of us. I remember the laughter at Brad's, and smoking on the back porch with her and Heidi... ::)
I've mised you all, and will keep you in my thoughts.
Carol
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Carol))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
-
I am here too.
What a sad, sad day yesterday...finding out about Heath and then Jackie not long after.
*Hugs* to everyone. Jackie was such a bright, loving light to so many of us. I remember the laughter at Brad's, and smoking on the back porch with her and Heidi... ::)
I've mised you all, and will keep you in my thoughts.
Carol
:-* Sweetheart.
-
{{{{{{{{{{{{ Jari }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
-
It's strange how I can feel such sadness and yet, seeing you all, old friends here, fills my heart with with such joy.
-
It's strange how I can feel such sadness and yet, seeing you all, old friends here, fills my heart with with such joy.
Jackie would want it that way. She would want us to smile and celebrate, so that's what I have to focus on.
And {{{{{{{ Nick and Rob and Brad and everyone }}}}}}}}}}}}}}
-
((((((((((((( Carol )))))))))))))))
((((((((((((( Heidi ))))))))))))))
-
it's soooo good to see you all....(((((friends))))
-
I sure feel like a newbie around many of you here.
. . .but I know jackie would say otherwise. :)
-
((((((((((((( Carol )))))))))))))))
((((((((((((( Heidi ))))))))))))))
(((((((( Tammy! )))))))))))))
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi80.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fj179%2FCactusGal%2FShirtscopy.jpg&hash=caf1edc5158f3619b64c5c3bdbf35a9b543853eb)
I realize this is off topic, but I thought some of you might be interested in knowing that "Papa" Jack Weil, owner of Rockmount shirts died yesterday at 79 yrs. He created the snap-front shirts that we all now know from Brokeback. Sparky and I went to the store this past summer and met and talked to him for a while. He was an interesting character and well known here in the Denver area. Jan
-
It's strange how I can feel such sadness and yet, seeing you all, old friends here, fills my heart with with such joy.
So true here as well Jari. And though I may not be around much, by no means have I forgotten all of you.
I have the BBQ memories - and more - and I will never forget. I think of you all more than you know.
With love and hugs to all. David
-
David,
It is good to see you.
I think it was your picture of jackie at the Metro Station, showing her at her best.
Thanks
-
Hey there Jan - good to see you!
As well as everyone else back (way including myself) - - -
Just checking in for any updates. I will be around from work today - just wanted to say good morning to everyone.
I didn't sleep well last night ... Jackie's bright smiling face in my mind. Memories of the TX BBQ flooding my memory - some I will share later.
Jackie wrote a little something on the back of the DVD sleeve of my copy of the movie - I brought it to TX in hopes that she would. I'm thinking about sharing it ... ...
Anyway, everyone have a good day - - -
-
You too, Nick.
I've been reading PM's I got from Jackie...
-
i am totally in panic!!!!
what happend to dearest jackie???
, i can't find it or get it :'(
don't undertand it :'( :'( :'(
-
Hi Isa...
The latest update is here... I am sorry
http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28459.msg1150016#msg1150016
-
Jackie sent me a pm and this was the last line:
I really couldn't stand it to lose you or anyone else here. We are family!
Love,
Jackie
I couldn't say it better!
You are in our prayers!
-
OMG
Jackie is incurable hill??, i got that right? what happend?
-
I sure feel like a newbie around many of you here.
. . .but I know jackie would say otherwise. :)
A "newbie"? YOU???
-
Thinking of you all and keeping Jackie in my thoughts and prayers.
-
Thinking of you all and keeping Jackie in my thoughts and prayers.
Same here chuck.
and david, I guess not, huh? ;)
-
How sad indeed. I'll always remember the PMs she sent me, welcoming me to the boards.
-
Jackie has been one of the loveliest parts of this forum and I will always treasure our hug following watching BBM in Linda's livingroom
-
Jackie sent me a pm and this was the last line:
I really couldn't stand it to lose you or anyone else here. We are family!
Love,
Jackie
I couldn't say it better!
You are in our prayers!
{{Dana}}. Nice to see you here.
Monica
-
Thinking of you all and keeping Jackie in my thoughts and prayers.
Same here chuck.
and david, I guess not, huh? ;)
More like a forum fixture now Gerry..........
and a link to San Antonio and that wonderful BBQ
where so many of us met Jackie for the first time.
-
More like a forum fixture now Gerry..........
David: Jackie would get such a bwahahahaha out of that one.......
thanks for making me laugh....
-
More like a forum fixture now Gerry..........
David: Jackie would get such a bwahahahaha out of that one.......
thanks for making me laugh....
and meant from the fondest of memories.............
-
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Brad- Its so great to see you, and what great photos you posted...
And to you Heidi and Carol... Thanks for coming in to cheer Jackie on... Its great to see you all...
And Chuck lovely photos... I never realised before how Jackie'e personality exudes from so many of all the pics....
She would be shy about this thread, because its about her, but also so sated with all the wonderful things people are saying about her...
-
Good Morning Everyone, not really so good is it.
I'm glad to be here, checking in and seeing all the love for Jackie, and Heath, just flowing like a river here.
I am still having such difficulty with all of this. My husband is being so supportive, taking over with my 4 year old as soon as he gets home from work, so I can just "be" with my sadness. He called me from his office yesterday when he heard about Heath and said "Babe, I'm so sorry." Really meant a lot to me that he gets it.
And my mom, a "brokie" herself, is grieving for all of us, as she understands what this place means, and she knows how much I love Jackie.
So, I have support right here with me, but all I really want is to get on a plane and get to a bunch of Forum members, to hug and be hugged, to wipe away some others' tears.
I feel so lonely.
I want to be able to thank Dave, in person for being here for all of us, and for creating this place, this sanctuary. I have not had the chance to meet you Dave, but, just....
Thank You.
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
-
Since Jackie wants to be cremated, has anyone thought about asking Jackie's daughter if she'd be okay with us scattering part of Jackie's ashes on Brokenback Mountain?
-
Oh Chuck....I love that picture. I have another one of the four of us in our special hotel room.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi103.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fm121%2FMEEOOOWWW%2FJackie1.jpg&hash=a11ea733daa4ac2a963b8af6aad87aa1025ae0bd)
-
I'm really sad about all this. Our dearest Jackie.....this all is too much---i lit that candle for her last night, to guide her kind heart.
-
(((((((((Trish)))))))))
-
(((((((((JENNY))))))))))))
Maybe we can chat sometime soon.....
:'(
-
I haven't been on the forum in a long time, but wanted to come back to say how much I love Jackie and how sad I am to hear about her illness. Even after I left the forum, we kept in touch regularly, chatting about our LOST obsession and just touching base. I sent her a few emails recently and didn't receive a response, but figured she was busy with work or had gone out of town. I just today heard the news. I have to believe she can feel our love and good thoughts and that she knows what a wonderful difference she made in so many lives. We love you, Jackie.
-
I haven't been on the forum in a long time, but wanted to come back to say how much I love Jackie and how sad I am to hear about her illness. Even after I left the forum, we kept in touch regularly, chatting about our LOST obsession and just touching base. I sent her a few emails recently and didn't receive a response, but figured she was busy with work or had gone out of town. I just today heard the news. I have to believe she can feel our love and good thoughts and that she knows what a wonderful difference she made in so many lives. We love you, Jackie.
Hey Amy,
Its lovely to see you back here... I remember you and Jackie discussing lost in the thread... I was lost!!!!! hehehe
-
((((((((((AMY)))))))))))))
So, good to see you.
-
Hey Amy,
Its lovely to see you back here... I remember you and Jackie discussing lost in the thread... I was lost!!!!! hehehe
Thanks, it feels good to be back, although I wish it were under happier circumstances.
-
I'm off to try to something constructive and clear my head.
Love to all,
Trish
-
Hey Amy,
Its lovely to see you back here... I remember you and Jackie discussing lost in the thread... I was lost!!!!! hehehe
Thanks, it feels good to be back, although I wish it were under happier circumstances.
Absolutely... But Jackie would love the fact that so many people are around... :)
-
Dear friends,
*sigh*.........I just came home real quick to have my lunch and there was a message from Joanne,Jackie's daughter........
.....what we were dreading to hear....our beautiful Jackie passed away this morning,peacefully.....
...I don't have words to say.....my mind is at a loss...I can't swallow this right now,I must get back to work
..all I CAN say is that Heath was there to hold her hand,her dream of meeting Heath,came true....and even though I know that Ennis and Jack were fictional...the only thing that is helping me understand Heath's death is to allow myself to think that it WAS true,it was real ,and he is with Jack in Heaven right now.......the 3 of them.....this is the ONLY way I'm dealing with this nightmare right now.....
Friends.....this hasn't been a good year for us,has it......23 days after the New Year and 2 tragedies....but please find comfort in all this...this is what Jackie wanted,for us to have each other thru good and bad.....please FORGIVE one another if you were pissed at each other....Jackie's hope was to have Brad back in this Forum...she always said that to me...she felt like it wasn't the same,and I agreed with her...and the others besides Brad.....
....Joanne told me she was VERY tempted to have a get together for US at Jackie's apartment....THIS SATURDAY...told me she was thinking about it....but to PLEASE not buy the plane tickets just yet.....I can't believe what I heard....I can't believe she would even think about us like that....maybe it was a request from Jackie instead of funeral services....just maybe...or maybe Joanne wanted to meet us, the people who made her dear mother so very happy...just maybe
Please keep all this in mind,friends...I'm going to try my hardest to get there....I was going to get plane tickets today to see Jackie,hold her hand....but now I can't.....but if I can be there among friends from here and celebrate her LIFE....than that will be ....
Love you all so much,
Nellie
-
I love you Jackie :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
-
So, I have support right here with me, but all I really want is to get on a plane and get to a bunch of Forum members, to hug and be hugged, to wipe away some others' tears.
I feel so lonely.
Trish, I feel the same way. Maybe we should get together to toast Jackie's boundless love.
But it almost feels as if their should be a memorial, and I should be booking emergency plane tickets somewhere with money I haven't got. I'm not kidding, is there? It's very difficult to sit here alone surrounded by people who don't know Jackie with no real sense that I will get closure. It would be a get-together under the worst of possible circumstances, but we ARE a family, that's what families DO at times like this...
-
Rest in peace, dearest Jackie. I know we have a beautiful angel watching over us.
-
Rest in peace, sweetie.
-
I've been away for too long.
So much that I didn't know about here. All I know is that whenever Jackie and I spoke, it was as friends and always so nice and fun.
My fondest thoughts.
:-*
-
Rest in Peace Sister of Mine
-
Oh my God, Brad...you're here too... :-* :-* :-* :-*
really, where else could he be at a time like this. glad you are here brad.
-
I've been away for too long.
So much that I didn't know about here. All I know is that whenever Jackie and I spoke, it was as friends and always so nice and fun.
My fondest thoughts.
:-*
Hey Nic, she was fond of you as well... :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
-
God be with you, Jackie...
Your light-up-the-room smile will be with me forever.
-
There are not words to describe how I am feeling right now - this latest news of Jackie has knocked me back. I was aware of her illness, but not the severity of late. I am hoping to be able to collect my thoughts today - while trying to focus on work - and be able to say something more eloquent and appropriate to honor my dear friend.
I am bereft.
okay, now i am crying. i was going to call you today to bring you up to date.
i SPIT on anyone who dares to say this family isn't "real'.
-
Jackie -- You will be missed, and yet you will always reside in our hearts.
-
(((((((Jackie and Heath))))))))))
Dona eis Requiem.
-
very sad news. yesterday drained me. nothing comes now. i'm out of words, can't do this justice. i guess i'll return when i have some.
-
May angels accompany you at this trip.....rest in peace, dear Jackie
-
(((((((((((EVERYONE))))))))))))
I prayed this morning, for the first time in maybe six months. I prayed a prayer of thanks, thanks that I'd been given the opportunity to know Jackie, that she'd touched my life, and out of a crazy world with billions of people in it, somehow my soul found someone able to comfort it and make it feel at home-- Jackie. I think we were all really blessed to have met her, really priveleged to have known her even the short while we did. Never enough time, but the time we had was beautiful, it was sparkling and transcendant, it touched us all and bound us. I stand in awe, in both wonder and horror, of God's curious ways. But above all, I stand grateful, knowing I have been blessed by knowing Jackie.
Peace be with you all. I'm going to start making phone calls...
This may be an insensitive question, I know, and to myself most of all, haha, but I think it's important. Do we know that Melissa knows what's going on?
-
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi42.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fe321%2FBrad3816%2Fheres2yousweetJackie.jpg&hash=141bfabf918934abd609623c379f913db3a71307)
And no, "cheers to you, sweet Jackie"
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what is this?!?!?!? BRAD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
now I can't stop crying..... :'( :'( :'( :'(...oh this is wonderful....you're here.....Jackie always wanted you back.... :'( :'( :'(
I have to get back to work...OMG.....this is sooo hard
((((((((((((((((((((((((( hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Nellie
-
I am here too.
What a sad, sad day yesterday...finding out about Heath and then Jackie not long after.
*Hugs* to everyone. Jackie was such a bright, loving light to so many of us. I remember the laughter at Brad's, and smoking on the back porch with her and Heidi... ::)
I've mised you all, and will keep you in my thoughts.
Carol
:-* Sweetheart.
what he said^^
it has been a long while since i have typed through coursing tears. and i have to say it becauze i hardly believe it myself.
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Jackie...
:'( :-* :-* :-*
-
This news.....has me In tears at work..I should've stayed home.
I send up loving prayers for Jackie's peaceful journey to Eternity-You has a charming companion, Jackie....
May they both rest in peace.
With Love, CSI
-
This may be an insensitive question, I know, and to myself most of all, haha, but I think it's important. Do we know that Melissa knows what's going on?
On the contrary, Jess. I think it's very generous of you to be concerned for Melissa. She is in touch with people in communication with Joanne
-
Rest in Peace, my dearest Jackie
Your friendship and warmth will never be forgotten.
-
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi42.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fe321%2FBrad3816%2Fheres2yousweetJackie.jpg&hash=141bfabf918934abd609623c379f913db3a71307)
And no, "cheers to you, sweet Jackie"
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what is this?!?!?!? BRAD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
now I can't stop crying..... :'( :'( :'( :'(...oh this is wonderful....you're here.....Jackie always wanted you back.... :'( :'( :'(
I have to get back to work...OMG.....this is sooo hard
((((((((((((((((((((((((( hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Nellie
Nellie... Love you so much too... This is too painful....
-
Jackie sent me a pm and this was the last line:
I really couldn't stand it to lose you or anyone else here. We are family!
Love,
Jackie
I couldn't say it better!
You are in our prayers!
dana too!! i tried calling you last month, don't know if you got my message or not. this is going to be a sloppy emotional day.
could someone please come down to florida and cry with me.
-
I never had the chance to meet Jackie in person. I had hopes for Oxford, but it was not to be.
I do remember her warmth and how welcoming she was to me when I was new to the forum, Such a sweet lady, she will be missed.
Rest in peace Jackie.
:'( :'( :-* :-*
-
while i feel like yelling and crying right now, i'm really happy that it is done. no more pain, no more suffering. peace, and hopefully, a final reward for the wonderful person she was.
love to all of you.....i'd love to hold you in my arms right now.
-
Jackie has been one of the loveliest parts of this forum and I will always treasure our hug following watching BBM in Linda's livingroom
welcome back, mary
at least where i can see you. have you been away too?
-
love to all of you.....i'd love to hold you in my arms right now.
Me too Martina :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
-
Until next time, Jackie, my heart.
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
-
After the past 20 hours, I can't handle a cup of coffee, much less a piece of cherry cake.
{{{{{{{{{{{{ Jackie }}}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{{{{{{ Heath }}}}}}}}}}}}
-
Checking from work . . . Wow.
(sigh)
Goodnight my sweet princess . . . til we meet again.
-
My dearest, darling Jackie, I am so thankful that you are without pain now, and in peace.
Thank you for everything.
I will always love you.
Your
Marc
-
Real sorry to hear about Jackie this morning. I met her at the Estes Park bash. She was such a gentle soul and always had a sweet smile. So weird her passing the day after Heath. A very strange time indeed.
Everyone take care of themselves.
Lucian
-
It's strange how I can feel such sadness and yet, seeing you all, old friends here, fills my heart with with such joy.
Jackie would want it that way. She would want us to smile and celebrate, so that's what I have to focus on.
And {{{{{{{ Nick and Rob and Brad and everyone }}}}}}}}}}}}}}
So nice to have you back, Carol.
Suddenly remembering our first meeting at Brad's, just Brad, Steve, you, Nick and me... Wasn't long after that when we met there again, that time Heidi joined us, and Jackie and Linda were big surprises for my Nicky.
Love, and lots of it, sent out to you two,
{{{{{{{CAROLandHEIDI}}}}}}}
:-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
Rob
-
This may be an insensitive question, I know, and to myself most of all, haha, but I think it's important. Do we know that Melissa knows what's going on?
On the contrary, Jess. I think it's very generous of you to be concerned for Melissa. She is in touch with people in communication with Joanne
Thanks Jess. Melissa has been in email contact and I have spoken to her...
I posted her comments on the affected me thread, but it seems sensible to re-post them here,
Melissa sends her love to everyone in this trying time and says...
'Everyone knows I love Jackie, that she was my "mama" better than the one I had and Jackie knows it. That I know for sure, she knows exactly how I feel about her.'
Thanks Melissa, and our love for you is coming back at you... And we know that you are there with us sending love and prayers to Jackie...
:-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
I have just left her a voice message, and forwarded Nellie's update to her via email...
-
This is that time for a group hug around the Diner/Forum that Jackie loved so much:
((((((((((((((((((((((((EVERYONE))))))))))))))))))))))))
-
After W.H. Auden's Funeral Blues
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message She is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
She was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
-
Since I came home from work I have been listening to Dolly Parton's Travelin' Thru
Oh sometimes the road is rugged, and it's hard to travel on
But holdin' to each other, we don't have to walk alone
When everything is broken, we can mend it if we try
We can make a world of difference, if we want to we can fly
Goodbye little children, goodnight you handsome men
Farewell to all you ladies and to all who knew me when
And I hope I'll see you down the road, you meant more than I knew
As I was travelin', travelin', travelin', travelin', travelin' thru
I'm just travelin', travelin', travelin', I'm just travelin'
Drifting like a floating boat and roaming like the wind
Oh give me some direction lord, let me lean on you
As I'm travelin', travelin', travelin', thru
Sleep well, sweetie. Your travelin' is done. You were the best of companion on mine.
-
(((((((((Marc))))))))))
-
Rest quiet, dear Big Sister of mine... I will never forget your greeting to me in the Diner everytime I dropped in for a chat:
"Oooooh Rob!"
Tears are flowing in your memory, sweet Sis,
Rob
-
"Time is too slow for those that wait.
Too swift for those who fear.
Too long for those that grieve.
But for those who love, time is eternity."
Rest in peace, sweet Jackie.
Dan
-
JACKIE!!!!
Don't be afraid...
Close your eyes...
Lay it all down...
Don't you cry...
Can't you see I'm goin' where I can see the sun rise?
I've been talkin to my angle, and he said that its alright...
Melissa Etheridge
-
Rest in peace Jackie
We'll meet again over Rainbow Bridge
You'll be watching over us now!
Sal :-*
-
She's watching us from up above, now...
I love you Jackie, sister of mine.
I have just lit a candle and put it outside the window...it feels good to see that flame...
-
"Time is too slow for those that wait.
Too swift for those who fear.
Too long for those that grieve.
But for those who love, time is eternity."
Rest in peace, sweet Jackie.
Dan
That's beautiful, Dan. Thank you.
Monica
-
Jackie - I know you're saving a place for us on the mountain.
-
Bye Jackie... sweet , sweet lady. :-* :-*
-
Eternal peace and joy to you, dearest Jackie. When we visited by phone just before Joanne picked you up I somehow knew it would be the last time..........you'll always be held close in my heart 'Cuzzin'. :'(
-
No more pain, no more suffering, foxette, and eternal happiness awaits you.
With love, Lenny :-*
-
We got a family plot in the sky. Jackie's goin in it, got a place all warmed up for her by Heath.
-
The first time I met Jackie, after communing with her for months, was on a layover in Washington. She came to my hotel where we visited for an hour before joining others for lunch. After just a couple of minutes she handed a large bag and box over to me and took great pleasure in watching me remove the contents with my chin on the floor. This pic shows what I found.
It seems a fitting tribute to two very, very special people.
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I can't think of a single time when you weren't warm and welcoming Jackie. And that's the greatest accolade I can think of, that you spread love wherever you went. A truly great, wonderful lady. We'll miss you.
Janie
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Goodbye, friend. I always hoped to see you again, to share the warmth of your smile and your generous hug. I'm glad I got to see the movie with you, and that we talked, albeit so briefly. You are no longer in pain. I would like to think that you are smiling through your tears to see so many of us here today, drawn together by our love for you. And if there is an afterlife, I'm sure there is a handsome, gifted young actor who will meet you and see the beauty of your spirit. I know you will give him our love.
Oh honey--you will be so missed! :'(
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Eternal peace and joy to you, dearest Jackie. When we visited by phone just before Joanne picked you up I somehow knew it would be the last time..........you'll always be held close in my heart 'Cuzzin'. :'(
Rememeber this...? Jackie's first evening in BBQ?
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Oh Jackie,
God Bless and keep you.
I love you dearly, wonderful friend, sister, advisor, counselor.
Forevermore you will walk in the light, and the light of your love and friendship will warm my heart.
You are and always will be loved by so many.
Peace to you, dearest.
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I don't think I ever posted this before
A lovely photo of Jackie and Nellie
Sal :-*
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Today is the day Jackie and I were supposed to meet on campus in Richmond. I just returned from my last class. Shit. I can't even see the keyboard. I'll come back later.
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And a photo I love looking at, especially now
Sal :-*
I didn't take this photo and hope the photographer gives permission to post it here. Thanks
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With Jackie in Terry's garden - me pulling a face because I didn't want to be photographed, she insisting...
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I am glad now that she did
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Nellie,
(((((((((NELLIE)))))))))))
Saying a prayer for peace for all of us, and most especially you, dear lady.
Thank you for keeping us all informed, it is greatly appreciated.
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Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory's so clear
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be (?)
That you are mine
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above
Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
'Cause you are my
Forever love
Watching me from up above
And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave
Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
I know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
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HUGS to everyone here today.
So good to see you all.
God, she would be so happy to see us all here. She is happy. I can feel her now as I type.
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Jackie, you are with all of your wonderful characters from the movies you loved so much, especially now Heath.
I am listening to music from the movies you love so much.
REST IN PEACE my friend. You will always be here to watch over each and every one of us.
I am so glad I got to meet you and that you have been a part of my life. I will always be richer for it.
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God Bless Jackie her family and friends.
She was loved and will be missed.
I guess that is the mark of a life well lived.
Rest in peace dear lady.
I wish I had the chance to know you better.
Give our love to heath.
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Eternal peace and joy to you, dearest Jackie. When we visited by phone just before Joanne picked you up I somehow knew it would be the last time..........you'll always be held close in my heart 'Cuzzin'. :'(
Rememeber this...? Jackie's first evening in BBQ?
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Will never forget that evening, (((Jari))). When she walked out the door and said my name I thought 'she's gonna cry'. She did. Now it's our turn...... :'(
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Farewell (((((dear Jackie)))))
Thank you for welcoming to this forum two years ago, and for enlightening this place with your warmth and open heart.
Sweet dreams,
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Just a fraction of the people who love and are loved by Jackie.
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My heart is just breaking. One pleasant thought is that one of the first people Jackie will see as she enters heaven is another new comer, Heath Ledger. Can you imagine the surprise and joy. I have a feeling that Heath was well aware of this forum and that he may have even been aware of Jackie. At any rate, I have a feeling that they will share some wonderful moments and think of us as we are thinking of them. God bless them both. This has been one piss pot of a week.
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....Joanne told me she was VERY tempted to have a get together for US at Jackie's apartment....THIS SATURDAY...told me she was thinking about it....but to PLEASE not buy the plane tickets just yet.....I can't believe what I heard....I can't believe she would even think about us like that....maybe it was a request from Jackie instead of funeral services....just maybe...or maybe Joanne wanted to meet us, the people who made her dear mother so very happy...just maybe
Nellie
Nellie,
I think it is so wonderful that Joanne would consider this, however, I have a feeling she may have a change of heart, at least concerning THIS weekend. Grief is an overwhelming process, and she may realize that she and the rest of Jackie's family just aren't up to a lot of strangers around as they make final arrangements. Perhaps she will suggest that the Forum family come to grieve together at a later date, but not too much later, I hope. I am ready to get on a plane.
Whatever Joanne decides, let us all send healing prayers to Jackie's family. Anyone who has lost a family member - a mother, a grandmother, a sister - knows how difficult this time is.....having to make decisions, having to think clearly when your head just wants to shut down. It's so very hard.
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r.i.p Jackie and thank you for everything
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Jari, one of Jimmy's photos... The lovely look on your face as you listen to Jackie...
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Since this seems to be a common theme, my contribution...May 2007.
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Beautiful Lenny...
I remember your visit to the Hotel Foxette... Jackie was so excited to have you coming to stay...
We have both had wonderful times there.... :-*
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Has anyone been in touch with, or able to contact Paul (MeJack)... I know that he and Jackie were very close....
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My deepest sympathy to Jackie's Family and friends from a long time "reader" of this message board. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
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I remember watching BBM in Linda's house in Texas, sitting just in front of Jackie. At the end, she started singing along to the songs during the credits, and then other people joined in. A very special moment for me.
Sweet dreams Jackie. You were a truly remarkable woman.
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I take comfort in the thought that, as our own stars blink out over the coming decades,
Jackie will be there to greet each of us the way she welcomed us as we stumbled in here.
She will be the Polaris of our little corner of the Brokeback galaxy.
Until we meet again, Jackie.
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Has anyone been in touch with, or able to contact Paul (MeJack)... I know that he and Jackie were very close....
No... I was thinking about him and most likely he doesn't know.
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I don't think I ever posted this before
A lovely photo of Jackie and Nellie
Sal :-*
Oh Sal...thank you for this....I remember saying under my breath..."Oh God,it's fucken 100 degrees out and I need to take the shine off my face."...and Jackie replying..."Oh shut up,you're fine,just hurry up and and smile"...........UGH..... :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
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Wow. Yet another loss. I only knew Jackie from being online here, and she was a great lady. May she rest in peace.
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I'm so grateful I have this place to go to now...
... I feel exhausted, shocked and relieved at the same time - Jackie is no longer where we can see her but she is definitely around, and she is free of pain.
And she's with Heath somehow, I just know it.
((((((((Nellie))))))) thankyou so much for posting and please take care of yourself... I know, I also must think of some kind of meaning to all this.... for me, it just can't be a coincidence that both Jackie and Heath pass away within the same day. I both can't belive it, and I can.
Another comforting thought is that Jackie's family get to experience the love of her Brokeback family.... And knowing that Jackie knew how LOVED she was is also comforting...
.. I must take a break..
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Descansa en paz, Jackie y que Dios te tenga en su gloria.
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And a photo I love looking at, especially now
Sal :-*
I didn't take this photo and hope the photographer gives permission to post it here. Thanks
oh i don1t even think i have this photo thanks sal :-*
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Zudos (Wayne), Painted Shoes (Jackie), Meeooowww (Jenny) CellarDweller (me)
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My condolances and my warmest thoughts to Jackies family and all her close friends here at the forum.
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Oh my God.
I haven't been here in ages, came here because when I returned home from a lovely day out with my mom our neighbour, who was looking after my son, told me that Heath had died. I was shocked, and had the urge to come here -
.... only to find that Jackie, died, too.
I don't have any words, this is so sad, and I'm sure this place (not only this forum, but planet Earth, too) will be a grayer place without her.
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Jenny, Jackie, Meryl
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Beautiful Lenny...
I remember your visit to the Hotel Foxette... Jackie was so excited to have you coming to stay...
We have both had wonderful times there.... :-*
Thanks, Z, good to see you, it's been too long. Yes, she was excited..........and soooooooo embarrassed at the 'Hotel Foxette' sign I made and flashed at her when I arrived.
She loved it....! ;D
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this one hangs in my cubicle at work
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Beautiful Lenny...
I remember your visit to the Hotel Foxette... Jackie was so excited to have you coming to stay...
We have both had wonderful times there.... :-*
Thanks, Z, good to see you, it's been too long. Yes, she was excited..........and soooooooo embarrassed at the 'Hotel Foxette' sign I made and flashed at her when I arrived.
She loved it....! ;D
Of course she loved it darling... For you made it for her... :-*
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I'm so, so sorry to learn the news of Jackie's death.
I can't remember if we even had a chance to be introduced at the barbecue, but once I signed on here, I quickly noticed how joyful her posts always seemed to be.
To her daughter and to those of you who knew her well, my heart goes out to you.
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Zudos (Wayne), Painted Shoes (Jackie), Meeooowww (Jenny) CellarDweller (me)
In the very lobby Chucki, where Jackie had told us off like a couple of little kids for giggling and joking about massage, when she was trying to check into the hotel.... hehehehehe
And I am sure you are so so so so glad that you decided to stay with her that night... What a blessing in her upgraded room..... :-*
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I remember watching BBM in Linda's house in Texas, sitting just in front of Jackie. At the end, she started singing along to the songs during the credits, and then other people joined in. A very special moment for me.
Sweet dreams Jackie. You were a truly remarkable woman.
Yes, Sarah, she had a remarkably good voice and carried pitch! But of course, she was all embarrassed about it. :-[
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jackie, sweetie i will always love you :-*
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Our last moments together on the roof of the Hotel Gansevoort in New York
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Pensive
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In the very lobby Chucki, where Jackie had told us off like a couple of little kids for giggling and joking about massage, when she was trying to check into the hotel.... hehehehehe
I will NEVER FORGET that story! haahaahaaa
I'll tell it now, just because.
Wayne, Jackie and I were in the lobby of the hotel pictured above. Jackie was checking in. I had made a comment about only my boyfriend rubbing me (giving me a massage) and it struck Wayne very funny.
the two of us started carrying on, and Wayne whispered to me "It's like we're the two misbehaving children, and she's the mum who's going to scold us." and we both started laughing, and suddenly, Jackie turns and says in a stern voice....
"Gentlemen, please! Shush!"
we just looked at each other, wide eyed and giggling.
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Say not in grief that she is no more
but say in thankfulness that she was
A death is not the extinguishing of a light,
but the putting out of the lamp
because the dawn has come.
Tagore
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((((((((Jackie))))))))
Thank you for your friendship and genuine love and am forever grateful. Peace be with you.
Love you more.
gerry
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I remember meeting Jackie at the Slash Bash II in October 2007. After watching the movie I was weeping uncontrollably. Jackie didn't know me from Eve but she never hesitated for a single second. She just put her arms around me and held me until my tears ran dry. I can still hear her whispering over and over, "I know. I know, sweetie. I know." Her soul radiated kindness.
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In Memoriam
-Julia
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Our last moments together on the roof of the Hotel Gansevoort in New York
What a lovely photo of a beautiful lady.
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi62.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh86%2FBrokenOkie%2FBay%2520City%2520Event-2007%2FHPIM4287.jpg&hash=d71053d47afc14d8eca84b1eb51bbc0e19d832ae)
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She epitomized what the wonderful women of the Forum have meant to me in this coming out process. Jackie, I sure love you...and I can still hear your voice on the other end of the line...just sorry I didn't know you were so ill...you were always thinking of others, and when I think of you I'll try harder to do the same.
Bobby
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Her soul radiated kindness.
You nailed it, Julia. She was such a welcoming spirit to all. I look forward to her loving greeting again when my time comes.
Betty
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I love this one of the three of us, Wayne.
Thanks for reposting it after all this time.
:-*
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I think this may have been Jackie's first Brokeback gathering...
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Her smile in the pix says it all...........joy of life and love of friends......... :'(
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Keep 'em coming Wayne - a wonderful tribute to a wonderful lady
Sal :-*
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I need a new box of kleenex!
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Frender-2.snapfish.com%2Frender2%2Fis%3DYup6aQQ%257C%253Dup6RKKt%253Axxr%253D0-qpDofRt7Pf7mrPfrj7t%253DzrRfDUX%253AeQaQxg%253Dr%253F87KR6xqpxQQJGxneQxG0Gxv8uOc5xQQQG0alGaPPoaqpfVtB%253F%2AKUp7BHSHqqy7XH6gX0QQ00%257CRup6GJQ%257C%2Fof%3D50%2C590%2C398&hash=3c5a8fa537c3b71f3721565126f7f7fe14572044)
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Couldn't help re-posting from Slash:
Again, Grace, thanks for the image that now lives in my head and heart. jackie's tbere, takinig Heath's hand
and showing him the way.
And you think Heath is getting just a bit of that mothering? :D :D :'(
LOL!! and loving it. Jackie had that way about her.
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A little while after this photo was taken I arrived at that restaurant there in Bourne with Bob, (Maturben). After the wonderful greetings from all there Jackie and I headed back to the San Antonio airport to pick up Nick and Sal.
Just one of many memories I have of Jackie.
PS: She made the best oatmeal raisin cookies, too!
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Thank you all for these wonderful pictures. Please keep them coming! :-*
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Thanks guys, I am sifting through the reunion photos thread to find some more... But for now my heart is spent...
What a wonderful lady...
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Hello friends,
I had the privilege to talk to Jackie's daughter-in-law,Paula,a few minutes ago. She really caught me by surprise and was in total shock. Jackie spoke of Paula as if she were her daughter,well,she was I guess...
The touching things Paula was able to share with me meant the world to me and I'd like to share a few of these with you,her other family...she spoke of how we all changed her life...how excited she was when she would go to the get togethers...her self esteem was zero before she met us,she never thought herself as beautiful,she was always too fat and ugly she would say.... *sigh*...the beauty she had inside...her soul that touched us all...how can she say she wasn't beautiful?....but Paula says the difference it made on her after she began getting involved with us ,how it perked her up and made her believe she was in fact a gorgeous woman..heart and soul,that's where it counts...beauty is within....we changed her life...it makes me so happy to hear this from one of her family members.
Paula mentioned to me again what Joanne told me...about coming out to Jackie's apartment THIS Saturday...again I told her.."Have you ANY clue as to how many people may show up to this apartment?..are ya nuts?"...lol....she said "yes"..."We can house 30 something people comfortably,can house them with no problem,and can hold 50 people "uncomfortably"...ha ha ha....oh Lord....no wonder Jackie loved Paula to pieces,she's as crazy as Jackie was...lol
She is going to keep me updated ASAP since it's already Wednesday...not sure if it's even feasible for me to get out there myself,but I will try my hardest to.
Jackie's ashes are going to be taken to Brokeback Mountain....and it will be spread freely....she is going to invite ALL of us for this ceremony and it will be soon.....she may get her ashes as early as a couple days...so maybe a couple weeks after?...I don't know...she is going to contact me with more info...
I'm still in shock that Jackie's family is asking us to be there...I'm so humbled...so honored....Our Jackie is smiling right now....
((((((hugs))))))
Nellie
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Thanks guys, I am sifting through the reunion photos thread to find some more... But for now my heart is spent...
What a wonderful lady...
You've done an admirable job, Z, she is proud...
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This one is a short video I made after Linda's BBQ. A lot of us are in it, along with our dear Jackie.
You should be able to right click and open in a new window, or right click and you can save the file. It's 31.5 MB, so shouldn't take too long for high-speed.
It's titled 'That's What Friends Are For'.........in honor of PaintedShoes.......
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi62.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh86%2FBrokenOkie%2FNicksBBQGroupPic.jpg&hash=ba3c3bd0374ff58ae4697b78a4255b8989a8584c) (http://www.brightok.net/~browning/TheDaveCullenForumBand/HTMLobj-280/That_s_What_Friends_Are_For-BrokenOkie_s_BBQ_Video.wmv)
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Jackie's ashes are going to be taken to Brokeback Mountain....and it will be spread freely....she is going to invite ALL of us for this ceremony and it will be soon.....she may get her ashes as early as a couple days...so maybe a couple weeks after?...I don't know...she is going to contact me with more info...
Nellie
Oh Nellie, this is so good to hear. I feel so much better. To hear what Paula is saying about the Forum and its effect on Jackie - wonderful.
Thanks, Nellie. :-*
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"Jackie's ashes are going to be taken to Brokeback Mountain...."
Thank you, Paula, Marc, Bruce and Joanne. That is the most beautiful gesture ever.
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Thank you for that video, Glenn. Beautiful - it filled me with such joy and such sadness at the same time.
I'm so happy about the ashes.
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Glenn
Lovely to see again, it seems sooo long ago, but there again like yesterday!
Cowntess :-*
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glenn kl`k kl`k thank you darling :-*
and i wish i could be there with jackies ashes spreading on brokeback. so beautiful.
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"Jackie's ashes are going to be taken to Brokeback Mountain...."
Thank you, Paula, Marc, Bruce and Joanne. That is the most beautiful gesture ever.
i'm still in total awe that they are doing this. they must really love her a lot to do exactly what she had wished. what a wonderful family !
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Nell, thanks for the update. It's truly incredible the wealth of healing and love that has come from this forum, this place for so many who felt unloved or misunderstood elsewhere in life.
I'm also not one to point to providential connections, but I can't help but be in awe that the timing of Heath's and Jackie's passings are so close together. Somehow it makes both losses less lonely.
Peace to everyone.
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Nell, thanks for the update. It's truly incredible the wealth of healing and love that has come from this forum, this place for so many who felt unloved or misunderstood elsewhere in life.
I'm also not one to point to providential connections, but I can't help but be in awe that the timing of Heath's and Jackie's passings are so close together. Somehow it makes both losses less lonely.
Peace to everyone.
Yes, it is very ironic and maybe some meaning behind all this....only God knew what he was doing....they surely aren't too lonely up there now....Jackie will talk a blue streak!
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((((Nellie))))
Thanks so much for the continued updates. You have been a rock through all this.
Love you. :-*
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi42.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fe321%2FBrad3816%2Fheres2yousweetJackie.jpg&hash=141bfabf918934abd609623c379f913db3a71307)
And no, "cheers to you, sweet Jackie"
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what is this?!?!?!? BRAD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
now I can't stop crying..... :'( :'( :'( :'(...oh this is wonderful....you're here.....Jackie always wanted you back.... :'( :'( :'(
I have to get back to work...OMG.....this is sooo hard
((((((((((((((((((((((((( hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Nellie
Nellie... Love you so much too... This is too painful....
God, not this sweet woman with the warm eyes and beautiful smile. I never met Jackie except through photos, but she made me feel her goodness and her warm heart whenever I saw her pics on this forum.
What a sad week for us all.
s
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I know that this is a really stupid question. Please forgive me.
Which Brokeback? The one in Wyoming, or the one where they filmed the movie?
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And this is one of the things that Jackie dearly loved about the forum... It helped her to have confidence in herself...
And as she said ALIVE
Still thinking lots about you this morning Jackie... :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
Thank you for this Wayne. Although I am heartbroken at the moment it is helpful to know that she would want us all to go on living, and living well.
Much love to Jackie - at peace and in joy - and solace and hope for peace, healing and love to all here.
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Nellie that is amazing...
I also just spoke to Paula, and she could name so many of us...
She said that the last two years in Jackie's life have been amazing and they will be eternally grateful to everyone here for all the reasons you detailed...
They are heading up to Joanne's house shortly, but Paula is going to come to the forum when she gets home and read all our tributes to Jackie...
I have a warm feeling for the first time today, as can you imagine Jackie's brimming heart, knowing that her favourite daughter in law is coming to her forum...
And I can tell you all, as Jari will confirm, Paula is the most wonderful person... Jackie took me to her son's house to meet them when I was in Washington...
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((((Nellie))))
Thanks so much for the continued updates. You have been a rock through all this.
Love you. :-*
I have to say that I want to THANK all of you.....because without you all,I wouldn't have the strength...I REALLY mean it...I love you guys
Nellie :-*
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This one is a short video I made after Linda's BBQ. A lot of us are in it, along with our dear Jackie.
You should be able to right click and open in a new window, or right click and you can save the file. It's 31.5 MB, so shouldn't take too long for high-speed.
It's titled 'That's What Friends Are For'.........in honor of PaintedShoes.......
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi62.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh86%2FBrokenOkie%2FNicksBBQGroupPic.jpg&hash=ba3c3bd0374ff58ae4697b78a4255b8989a8584c) (http://www.brightok.net/~browning/TheDaveCullenForumBand/HTMLobj-280/That_s_What_Friends_Are_For-BrokenOkie_s_BBQ_Video.wmv)
Thanks for bringing that back, Glenn.
:-*
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Jackie's ashes are going to be taken to Brokeback Mountain....and it will be spread freely....she is going to invite ALL of us for this ceremony and it will be soon.....she may get her ashes as early as a couple days...so maybe a couple weeks after?...I don't know...she is going to contact me with more info...
THANK YOU
Joanne, Mark, Bruce, Paula
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glenn kl`k kl`k thank you darling :-*
and i wish i could be there with jackies ashes spreading on brokeback. so beautiful.
I wish we could all be there, Conny.
:-*
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thanks wayne :-*
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Nellie that is amazing...
I also just spoke to Paula, and she could name so many of us...
She said that the last two years in Jackie's life have been amazing and they will be eternally grateful to everyone here for all the reasons you detailed...
They are heading up to Joanne's house shortly, but Paula is going to come to the forum when she gets home and read all our tributes to Jackie...
I have a warm feeling for the first time today, as can you imagine Jackie's brimming heart, knowing that her favourite daughter in law is coming to her forum...
And I can tell you all, as Jari will confirm, Paula is the most wonderful person... Jackie took me to her son's house to meet them when I was in Washington...
Paula told me this,Wayne...she named a WHOLE bunch of us....you,Jari,Brad,Terry,Mitch,NickinIdaho...OMG...she went on and on...I was floored....she told me she knew of our spouses,our kids...and then I said...wait...you know EVERYTHING about us?...bwahahaha...Good Lord...that 's not good....ha ha ha
She did say she was coming in here because I told her we had a thread ,just for our Jackie...pictures and all...we cried together and it felt so so warm....I wanted to hug her...I want to meet her so badly...it may just happen...*sigh*
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I've logged on here for one, to pay my respects to Heath and for two, to pay my respects to Jackie.
It's truly like an end of an era, for me.
Goodbye, Jackie.
Maggie
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I know that this is a really stupid question. Please forgive me.
Which Brokeback? The one in Wyoming, or the one where they filmed the movie?
Honey...I'm not even sure....I'm so stupid...didn't even ask her,I was in too much of a shock
My guess would be in Wyoming....don't think they're going all the way to Canada ...hmmmmm
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Nellie that is amazing...
I also just spoke to Paula, and she could name so many of us...
She said that the last two years in Jackie's life have been amazing and they will be eternally grateful to everyone here for all the reasons you detailed...
They are heading up to Joanne's house shortly, but Paula is going to come to the forum when she gets home and read all our tributes to Jackie...
I have a warm feeling for the first time today, as can you imagine Jackie's brimming heart, knowing that her favourite daughter in law is coming to her forum...
And I can tell you all, as Jari will confirm, Paula is the most wonderful person... Jackie took me to her son's house to meet them when I was in Washington...
Paula told me this,Wayne...she named a WHOLE bunch of us....you,Jari,Brad,Terry,Mitch,NickinIdaho...OMG...she went on and on...I was floored....she told me she knew of our spouses,our kids...and then I said...wait...you know EVERYTHING about us?...bwahahaha...Good Lord...that 's not good....ha ha ha
She did say she was coming in here because I told her we had a thread ,just for our Jackie...pictures and all...we cried together and it felt so so warm....I wanted to hug her...I want to meet her so badly...it may just happen...*sigh*
And you will Nellie and it will be amazing...
I am going to do so much to be there... I have to... The final thing I can do to show my respects to Jackie...
Nellie, I really love all the support you have given to all of us, and thank you for all the great things you said on the phone when we talked and cried together.... I LOVE you so much... You have done our HALLOWED PAINTED SHOES proud :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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thanks wayne :-*
Pleasure Treasure :-*
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Hey all, just able to get back in with work and everything.
As everyone else, it's been difficult to work and think about jackie
at the same time. Work today has been especially heavy,
that's why I haven't been here this afternoon.
Posted very early this afternoon, but will be here for a bit now.
Great friends all of you. :'(
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Painted Shoes
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ftaxine.com%2Ffullerspicer%2Fjp_01.jpg&hash=e9319636bb42580d59c6bb04b166176bf323ddaf)
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ftaxine.com%2Ffullerspicer%2Fjp_02.jpg&hash=eb77f3a7e28b7dd63ea8186e0bad3ecad1275035)
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a smiling jackie from texas 2006
with friends from near and far
::: remembering u fondly :::
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And you will Nellie and it will be amazing...
I am going to do so much to be there... I have to... The final thing I can do to show my respects to Jackie...
Nellie, I really love all the support you have given to all of us, and thank you for all the great things you said on the phone when we talked and cried together.... I LOVE you so much... You have done our HALLOWED PAINTED SHOES proud :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'(...Wayne,you made me cry again.....you are so special to me...thank you for your kind words...it sure helps with the healing process......I have to tell you....when the phone rang and it had Jackie's last name on it...I thought just for a minute...was this just a dream?.....*sigh*....and then said....is she calling me from Heaven?......................... :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
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"Jackie's ashes are going to be taken to Brokeback Mountain....and it will be spread freely....she is going to invite ALL of us for this ceremony and it will be soon.....she may get her ashes as early as a couple days...so maybe a couple weeks after?...I don't know...she is going to contact me with more info..."
If this is so, they must mean Brokenback Mountain in Wyoming. There is a group of us planning to be there in early June. EDelMar is in charge and there is a thread on this forum as well as bettermost.net. If the spreading of the ashes could be postponed.... we could be part of it. If not, we will surely tread reverently and with love.
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ftaxine.com%2Ffullerspicer%2Fjp_03.jpg&hash=08f434c38587a5ee736ff1d5003ef3878060e022)
a smiling jackie from texas 2006
with friends from near and far
::: remembering u fondly :::
[/center]
this is the picture I took...OMG.....look at her gorgeous happy face!! and Jari.......oh God :'( :'( :'( :'(
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I'm sure it's Wyoming. "Brokenback Mountain" That's where we have the cache. Jackie and I talked about this way back in Estes Park.
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Thanks for that Doggie... I think it really will be up to the family to dictate when this happens, and I for one am happy to follow their lead...
If we can assist them in their grieving and be there with them for the scattering of our darlings ashes, then that fact alone is amazing...
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And you me Nellie, and you me... :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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I'm here for a while now too, Gerry. Trying to process everything myself....look through some pictures. Thanks Nellie for all the updates...both good and bad.
Mitchell
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I'm here for a while now too, Gerry. Trying to process everything myself....look through some pictures. Thanks Nellie for all the updates...both good and bad.
Mitchell
Good to see you here Mitch... :-*
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I'm here for a while now too, Gerry. Trying to process everything myself....look through some pictures. Thanks Nellie for all the updates...both good and bad.
Mitchell
Oh Mitchie............. :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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Nellie - just a brief note to tell you how much I appreciate you (again, still) because of all of this. Words rarely fail me, but they do now. Know that we are all thinking of you with love and admiration for this and Jackie is now smiling down at you and sending her love to you as well.
besos mi hermana
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Hi, everybody! I wanted to pay my respects to Jackie.
I remember seeing her around in my first days on the forum in the thread How Brokeback Affected Me. She was so kind and full of empathy.
Then I didn't have any contact any more if not for seeing pictures of her at the gatherings. I didn't know anything about her illness.
It's a big loss when such a person dies, I'm so sad! But somehow I can smile between my tears thinking that her ashes will be scattered on Brokeback Mountain.
A sincere hug to everybody and especially to her relatives!
Antonella
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I'm here for a while now too, Gerry. Trying to process everything myself....look through some pictures. Thanks Nellie for all the updates...both good and bad.
Mitchell
Thanks for that Mitch..... unfortunately, photobucket doesn't come through here at work. Some other sites are.
I'll look at them when I get home. All the best to you.
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Great to have you here right now Gerry - Photobucket or not....
It adds to the warmth and support that we all need right now... :-*
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The view from the top of Brokenback. This is very near to the cache.
I told Jackie that if the time ever came, to please make sure my ashes go here.
She said something like "Ok, as long as you do the same for me Honey"
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.baycityforums.com%2Fimages%2FBighorn%2Fbh8.jpg&hash=5d67f7617dbaef640c1dca3b3ce32aa543d4e3bc)
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The family might want to know that there is probably a lot, a real lot of snow on Brokenback Mountain right now. The road, bad enough in summer, must be nearly impassable. Last June there was even a light snow during the night.
But I truly hope her ashes find repose there. It is a sublime spot. You can see for miles. Hear the dogs barking at far away ranches. Jackie's spirit will "fly forever in the euphoric, bitter air... suspended above ordinary affairs..." But she will NOT be invisible. Every one of us will feel her presence on that mountain.
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An e-mail I just rec'd just now from Jackie's daughter....
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jaclyn Christine Pascarella died in her sleep this morning at 3 am.
3 of her sisters are here and we've said our final goodbyes.
Mom wanted to be cremated, she did not want a funeral, viewing, or
graveside services.
My brother and I will be hosting a gathering for all her friends and
loved ones, this Saturday January 26th from 1-5 pm at her apartment:
6200 Westchester Park Drive #306
College Park, MD 20740
The nearest hotel is the Sheraton Greenbelt, you can Google it.
Mom worked for years at The Washington Ear, reading the Washington
Post for blind people to call in and hear the news each day. We ask
that in lieu of flowers, please consider a donation to them at
www.washear.org (301 681 6636).
Again, phone calls are a bit more than I can handle right now. We
have been deeply moved by your thoughts and prayers.
Sincerely,
Joanne Pascarella Watson
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Mmmmm...just got home and saw the terrible news, I've been away from the computer all day.
I really didn't think it would happen this quickly. When did we find out?
I'll be back to say something more a little later. :'( :'( :'(
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The family might want to know that there is probably a lot, a real lot of snow on Brokenback Mountain right now. The road, bad enough in summer, must be nearly impassable. Last June there was even a light snow during the night.
But I truly hope her ashes find repose there. It is a sublime spot. You can see for miles. Hear the dogs barking at far away ranches. Jackie's spirit will "fly forever in the euphoric, bitter air... suspended above ordinary affairs..." But she will NOT be invisible. Every one of us will feel her presence on that mountain.
thanks OregonDoggie.
The pic I posted was taken at the end of May, and there was still snow up there.
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One of Jackie's last posts in the Forum was to me, wishing me a Happy New Year. There are no words to express my sadness at the news.
Rest in Peace, Jackie, you wonderful, warm and caring person, my thoughts are with her family now.
Jonn
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I'll be back to say something more a little later. :'( :'( :'(
((((((((Deb)))))))))
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Dear friends,
*sigh*.........I just came home real quick to have my lunch and there was a message from Joanne,Jackie's daughter........
.....what we were dreading to hear....our beautiful Jackie passed away this morning,peacefully.....
...I don't have words to say.....my mind is at a loss...I can't swallow this right now,I must get back to work
..all I CAN say is that Heath was there to hold her hand,her dream of meeting Heath,came true....and even though I know that Ennis and Jack were fictional...the only thing that is helping me understand Heath's death is to allow myself to think that it WAS true,it was real ,and he is with Jack in Heaven right now.......the 3 of them.....this is the ONLY way I'm dealing with this nightmare right now.....
Friends.....this hasn't been a good year for us,has it......23 days after the New Year and 2 tragedies....but please find comfort in all this...this is what Jackie wanted,for us to have each other thru good and bad.....please FORGIVE one another if you were pissed at each other....Jackie's hope was to have Brad back in this Forum...she always said that to me...she felt like it wasn't the same,and I agreed with her...and the others besides Brad.....
....Joanne told me she was VERY tempted to have a get together for US at Jackie's apartment....THIS SATURDAY...told me she was thinking about it....but to PLEASE not buy the plane tickets just yet.....I can't believe what I heard....I can't believe she would even think about us like that....maybe it was a request from Jackie instead of funeral services....just maybe...or maybe Joanne wanted to meet us, the people who made her dear mother so very happy...just maybe
Please keep all this in mind,friends...I'm going to try my hardest to get there....I was going to get plane tickets today to see Jackie,hold her hand....but now I can't.....but if I can be there among friends from here and celebrate her LIFE....than that will be ....
Love you all so much,
Nellie
Thanks Nellie! :'(
Rest in peace dear Jackie, we all loved you so much!!
Death is nothing at all
I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other
That we are still
Call me by my old familiar name
Speak to me in the easy way you always used
Put no difference into your tone
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed
At the little jokes we always enjoyed together
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was
Let it be spoken without effort
Without the ghost of a shadow in it
Life means all that it ever meant
It is the same as it ever was
There is absolute unbroken continuity
What is death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind
Because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you for an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner
All is well.
Nothing is past; nothing is lost
One brief moment and all will be as it was before
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!
Canon Henry Scott-Holland, 1847-1918, Canon of St Paul's Cathedral
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I really didn't think it would happen this quickly. When did we find out?
Deb, in the first post on this thread we've been cataloging links to the important updates in the past few days. All of Nellies posts are (will be soon!) linked there.
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The view from the top of Brokenback. This is very near to the cache.
I told Jackie that if the time ever came, to please make sure my ashes go here.
She said something like "Ok, as long as you do the same for me Honey"
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.baycityforums.com%2Fimages%2FBighorn%2Fbh8.jpg&hash=5d67f7617dbaef640c1dca3b3ce32aa543d4e3bc)
John I always loved these photos you took, and have made a few copies which I was going to frame and hang... They will of course mean a lot more now, but thank you for posting this photo right now... :)
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I so remember all those pics being posted in the last few pages. I so wanted to have been able to make it in at least one of those gatherings but......
Jackie shortly will be flying in the air, a free bird over brokeback mountain. :)
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Requiem aeternam dona ei, Domine,
Et lux perpetua luceat eam.
Eternal rest grant unto her O Lord,
And let perpetual light shine upon her.
May her soul, and the souls of all the faithful departed,
Through the mercy of God, rest in peace.
Amen.
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Lola...thank you so much for the poem...it's really beautiful :-*
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This day is almost more than I can bear.
She called me her "elder brother".
Paul
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This day is almost more than I can bear.
She called me her "elder brother".
Paul
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( PAUL ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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This day is almost more than I can bear.
She called me her "elder brother".
Paul
Paul, hi darling... So glad you found your way here... You were so special to Jackie... We were worried that you would not have a way to find out...
Come in, celebrate Jackie's wonderful life and join in the support and warmth that we are sharing right now... :-*
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Such mixed feelings now.
So sad to hear of the passing of a great lady.
So happy to be among friends, and to hear from old friends, Brad, Heidi, Carol, and many others.
But the sadness won't end for a while, and missing her will never go away. Yet the hole in my heart that she alone filled, though it will also never go away, will after a time be changed, with memories of all the wonderful times we spent together, in person and on the Forum.
Earl and Tommy send their condolences, too.
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Jackie's last post.......
Bye for now, mi hermana! :-*
Now, I must head out, as well. I might come back...if the army don't...
Hugs around the Diner. :-*
http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28115.msg1126604#msg1126604
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Say not in grief that she is no more
but say in thankfulness that she was
A death is not the extinguishing of a light,
but the putting out of the lamp
because the dawn has come.
Tagore
...what beautiful words, thanks friend! Dawn is here alright... but it means new light is next.
I have got to go to bed now, not having slept many hours the past 48hours like many of us... my last post for today will quote one of our Jackie's very first posts almost exactly two years ago...:
on: January 18, 2006, 05:20:03 PM Jackie wrote:
"Hi...I decided to come out of lurkedom and register after reading the post from "killersmom". Like her, I've read posts on this site since discovering it last fall through googling "Brokeback Mountain" and, like her, felt that I didn't have anything constructive to add. But she is right. Just being able to say to the world...or, at least, the important part of it that takes part in these blogs...just how important this book and movie are to me is so...freeing! I'm a grandmother. I have a brother and many friends who are gay, and many people in my life who just don't understand what it is about this movie that touches my heart. It seems to me that most people want only escape from reality when they read or go to movies. Me, too, sometimes. But I've also looked for themes that reach my soul, that connect to the part of me that longs, that dreams, that hopes, that feels. Brokeback Mountain answers questions for me: sometimes loving is worth the pain..."better to have loved and lost..."; finding the one person who loves you truly is always worthwhile; settling for less can be soul-killing.
Thank you to everyone who posts here. Your insights...about the story...about yourselves...makes it easier for me. I don't know if I'll post much but wanted all of you to know that I am here...and am always grateful, especially to you, Dave, for putting all of this into motion."
:'( :-* r.i.p. dear Jackie... and thankyou for each and everyone of your 26000+ posts :-* :'(
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All three of us will be there at the gathering at Jackie's place.
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This day is almost more than I can bear.
She called me her "elder brother".
Paul
Oh ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Paul))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))) to you all.....
My chest is hurting,my heart feels like it will jump out any moment.....I must run upstairs and play some lovely music...start dinner and have some wine.....I'm making Chicken.....and every time Jackie would call me and say..."am I calling you at a bad time,honey?"....I would say..."No girlfriend...I'm just making some chicken titties"....Oh God...she would just laugh.....*sigh*
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'Do not Stand at My Grave and Weep'
by Mary Frye
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
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Oh ((((((((((((((((Paul)))))))))))))))))))
I'm glad through the sadness that you are here with us.
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Jackie's last post.......
Bye for now, mi hermana! :-*
Now, I must head out, as well. I might come back...if the army don't...
Hugs around the Diner. :-*
http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28115.msg1126604#msg1126604
And how fitting that her last post was to her and our special Nellie...
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Jackie's last post.......
Bye for now, mi hermana! :-*
Now, I must head out, as well. I might come back...if the army don't...
Hugs around the Diner. :-*
http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28115.msg1126604#msg1126604
"Mi hermana"?!?!?!....oh I feel like I will surely die.................. :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
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I have got to go to bed now, not having slept many hours the past 48hours like many of us... my last post for today will quote one of our Jackie's very first posts almost exactly two years ago...:
on: January 18, 2006, 05:20:03 PM Jackie wrote:
"Hi...I decided to come out of lurkedom and register after reading the post from "killersmom". Like her, I've read posts on this site since discovering it last fall through googling "Brokeback Mountain" and, like her, felt that I didn't have anything constructive to add. But she is right. Just being able to say to the world...or, at least, the important part of it that takes part in these blogs...just how important this book and movie are to me is so...freeing! I'm a grandmother. I have a brother and many friends who are gay, and many people in my life who just don't understand what it is about this movie that touches my heart. It seems to me that most people want only escape from reality when they read or go to movies. Me, too, sometimes. But I've also looked for themes that reach my soul, that connect to the part of me that longs, that dreams, that hopes, that feels. Brokeback Mountain answers questions for me: sometimes loving is worth the pain..."better to have loved and lost..."; finding the one person who loves you truly is always worthwhile; settling for less can be soul-killing.
Thank you to everyone who posts here. Your insights...about the story...about yourselves...makes it easier for me. I don't know if I'll post much but wanted all of you to know that I am here...and am always grateful, especially to you, Dave, for putting all of this into motion."
:'( :-* r.i.p. dear Jackie... and thankyou for each and everyone of your 26000+ posts :-* :'(
Thanks for posting this. I got such a kick out of her comment that she might not post very often. LOL I'll bet that would tickle her too to remember.
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I must go now.....love to you all
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I must go now.....love to you all
Love you more :-*
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Well....guess I need to bring up a few pictures from Bay City last February - where I was blessed, like everyone here, in meeting Jaclyn.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi45.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff55%2Fmwruzzoli%2Fbaycity18.jpg&hash=7e60a5c3484e9b62f143a4c726f1e2fae8349f9e)
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Some good memories here Gerry, Nellie, and Lenny - I can't forget that night with all of us and Jackie, back in the hotel room, rambling on for all hours of the night. Those memories are even more precious as I think of her now.
Mitchell
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Jackie's last post.......
Bye for now, mi hermana! :-*
Now, I must head out, as well. I might come back...if the army don't...
Hugs around the Diner. :-*
http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28115.msg1126604#msg1126604
ahhhhh, dear Glenn.....that post really got me good.
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Ok, tonight I'll arrange my flight, I guess. This all has made me so dizzy. I rejoice at the prospect of seeing those of you who can make it, but the circumstances truly could not be worse. I didn't even know she was sick until yesterday...
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Eternal peace and joy to you, dearest Jackie. When we visited by phone just before Joanne picked you up I somehow knew it would be the last time..........you'll always be held close in my heart 'Cuzzin'. :'(
BrokenOkie- I LOVE your signature line! The one about the broken road... perfect..
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Hi all,
What an awful two days. I can only console myself with the thought that Heath was there to meet Jackie, and now
they're sitting there talking and laughing, and watching over all of us.
And Nellie, when you do find out about the ceremony with the ashes, do let us know. Heidi and I would love to be there for
our girlfriend Jackie.
Carol
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((((((((((((((((((((((Carol and Heidi)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Good to hear from you again.
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Melissa is really finding it hard at the moment to find the words to express how she feels... She gave me permission to post what she wrote in her Live Journal
For My Mama: Please rest happily and in peace.
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I have no words, only that I thought we had more time.
I will never forget you, Mama, never.
The world was lucky to have you if only for too short a period of time.
All my love.
Your Daughter,
Melissa
The winter here’s cold, and bitter
It’s chilled us to the bone
We haven’t seen the sun for weeks
To long too far from home
I feel just like I’m sinking
And I claw for solid ground
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go
If all of the strength and all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace
Full of grace
My love
So it’s better this way, I said
Having seen this place before
Where everything we said and did
Hurts us all the more
Its just that we stayed, too long
In the same old sickly skin
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go
If all of the strength
And all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace
Full of grace
My love
~Sarah McLaughlin "Full of Grace"
Mood: lonely
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Bless you Jackie....such a special, special lady...
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{{{{{{{{{{{ Fritz}}}}}}}}}}
How we missed you all. Jackie would be happy that
we are all back together.
Miss you tons, Jackie.
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Jackie, our wonderful, big-hearted lady. Look after our boy - it is what you do so well.
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so sad.....so so sad......may yu embrace Heathie where both of yu have gone.....yu will look after him and he will look after you and both of yu will look over and protect us.....Mario
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The reason that brought me back to brokeback forum is too strong actually.
Not only was the shock about Heath's death, but the news that Jackie was dying.
I got a p.m. this morning from a friend who informed about that...
So 2 deaths relating brokeback in just 24hrs...
I never had direct contact with Jackie, but for the short period i was posting on the "affected me" thread, i remember that she was such an optimistic and positive person. She must be happy to be meeting Heath up there...
My condolences to her family.
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I'm so sorry to hear about Jackie. It's a testament to how wonderful a person she was that even as a rare visitor I remember her warm and friendly posts – she sounds very special.
I do so admire the community on these boards and how deeply its members treasure each other - especially just now.
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I heard about this yesterday, when I came on to join you all in mourning Heath's death, but didn't get a chance to post in this thread until now. I am so, so terribly sorry to hear this news. I don't think she and I talked very much, but I've seen so many pictures in the forum get-togethers threads that I recognize her by face, and she seemed like a really sweet and loving person. It is really a sad thing to have lost her.
I hope you are all hanging in there during this painful time.
(((((((((All))))))))))
Saena
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I think this may have been Jackie's first Brokeback gathering...
to my knowledge it was (and sorry if that has already been confirmed... i'm still back here on page 30)
I was there! I have the scarf on and was thinking about this very picture... THANK YOU for posting...
I was nervous about seeing the movie again and nervous about meeting everyone from the internet, something I had never done till this site. Jackie was the first person I saw waiting around the movie theatre and I just knew she was from the forum and I felt so very welcomed and at ease. I am soooo very grateful I threw caution to the wind that day!
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I have posted this in the Music thread, and I would like to share it here, with you
"My last contribution for today:
When You Wish Upon A Star by Cliff Edwards
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-GtMDLlGRI
Why this particular song?
It's from the Disney film Pinocchio (1940), sung by the character Jiminy Cricket, who acts as Pinocchio's conscience, in good and bad times.
Jackie once said to me, consider me your Jiminy Cricket, imagine me sitting on your shoulder, always there to stand by you.
She used to sing it to me, to comfort me.
It is our song.
Peace, my angel :-*"
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Yes, this picture was the first time we all got together in Tysons. Earl took the picture. The first time I met Jackie, thank God, not the last time, but never enough times to get to see her. :'(
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I know that this is a really stupid question. Please forgive me.
Which Brokeback? The one in Wyoming, or the one where they filmed the movie?
THANK YOU for asking!!! I was wondering the same thing! ;)
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I have got to go to bed now, not having slept many hours the past 48hours like many of us... my last post for today will quote one of our Jackie's very first posts almost exactly two years ago...:
on: January 18, 2006, 05:20:03 PM Jackie wrote:
"Hi...I decided to come out of lurkedom and register after reading the post from "killersmom". Like her, I've read posts on this site since discovering it last fall through googling "Brokeback Mountain" and, like her, felt that I didn't have anything constructive to add. But she is right. Just being able to say to the world...or, at least, the important part of it that takes part in these blogs...just how important this book and movie are to me is so...freeing! I'm a grandmother. I have a brother and many friends who are gay, and many people in my life who just don't understand what it is about this movie that touches my heart. It seems to me that most people want only escape from reality when they read or go to movies. Me, too, sometimes. But I've also looked for themes that reach my soul, that connect to the part of me that longs, that dreams, that hopes, that feels. Brokeback Mountain answers questions for me: sometimes loving is worth the pain..."better to have loved and lost..."; finding the one person who loves you truly is always worthwhile; settling for less can be soul-killing.
Thank you to everyone who posts here. Your insights...about the story...about yourselves...makes it easier for me. I don't know if I'll post much but wanted all of you to know that I am here...and am always grateful, especially to you, Dave, for putting all of this into motion."
:'( :-* r.i.p. dear Jackie... and thankyou for each and everyone of your 26000+ posts :-* :'(
Thanks for posting this. I got such a kick out of her comment that she might not post very often. LOL I'll bet that would tickle her too to remember.
Me too, I'm laughing hard right now, thru the tears.
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terry
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The reason that brought me back to brokeback forum is too strong actually.
Not only was the shock about Heath's death, but the news that Jackie was dying.
I got a p.m. this morning from a friend who informed about that...
So 2 deaths relating brokeback in just 24hrs...
I never had direct contact with Jackie, but for the short period i was posting on the "affected me" thread, i remember that she was such an optimistic and positive person. She must be happy to be meeting Heath up there...
My condolences to her family.
Gio,
Glad you were able to add your condolences.
hugs
Dan
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What a couple.
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always a smile........
terry
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terry
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Jackie's last post.......
Bye for now, mi hermana! :-*
Now, I must head out, as well. I might come back...if the army don't...
Hugs around the Diner. :-*
http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28115.msg1126604#msg1126604
Thanks BOkie and also for your pictures.
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She was a friend of mine
She was a friend of mine
Every time I think about her now
Lord I just can't keep from cryin'
'Cause she was a friend of mine
She died on the road
She died on the road
She never had enough money
To pay her room or board
And she was a friend of mine
I stole away and cried
I stole away and cried
'Cause I never had too much money
And I never been quite satisfied
And she was a friend of mine
She never done no wrong
She never done no wrong
A thousand miles from home
And she never harmed no one
And she was a friend of mine
She was a friend of mine
She was a friend of mine
Every time I hear her name
Lord I just can't keep from cryin'
'Cause she was a friend of mine.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi39.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fe154%2Ftwtaylor%2FTerryJackie.jpg&hash=e9bac62025d8bb86e3a5f7ad6aa441f509b590dd)
Marc, thanks so much for this pic.
terry
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I'VE HEARD IT SAID
THAT PEOPLE COME INTO OUR LIVES FOR A REASON
BRINGING SOMETHING WE MUST LEARN
AND WE ARE LED
TO THOSE WHO HELP US MOST TO GROW
IF WE LET THEM
AND WE HELP THEM IN RETURN
WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF I BELIEVE THAT'S TRUE
BUT I KNOW I'M WHO I AM TODAY
BECAUSE I KNEW YOU...
LIKE A COMET PULLED FROM ORBIT
AS IT PASSES A SUN
LIKE A STREAM THAT MEETS A BOULDER
HALFWAY THROUGH THE WOOD
WHO CAN SAY IF I'VE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER?
BUT BECAUSE I KNEW YOU
I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR GOOD …
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi44.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff5%2FDiDys%2FJake%2FPersonal%2520Pics%2FJackieBayCity1.jpg&hash=876870563f24ccb36d1823752a5948cc96263662)
IT WELL MAY BE
THAT WE WILL NEVER MEET AGAIN
IN THIS LIFETIME
SO LET ME SAY BEFORE WE PART
SO MUCH OF ME
IS MADE OF WHAT I LEARNED FROM YOU
YOU'LL BE WITH ME
LIKE A HANDPRINT ON MY HEART
AND NOW WHATEVER WAY OUR STORIES END
I KNOW YOU HAVE RE-WRITTEN MINE
BY BEING MY FRIEND...
LIKE A SHIP BLOWN FROM ITS MOORING
BY A WIND OFF THE SEA
LIKE A SEED DROPPED BY A SKYBIRD
IN A DISTANT WOOD
WHO CAN SAY IF I'VE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER?
BUT BECAUSE I KNEW YOU...
WHO CAN SAY IF I'VE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER?
I DO BELIEVE I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER
AND BECAUSE I KNEW YOU...
I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR GOOD.
This is a beautiful song about friendship written by Stephen Schwartz
from the Broadway Musical 'Wicked.'
Please check it out here
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=05jdB1tGE_g&feature=related
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Dear Jackie,
When I went to my first Brokeback gathering, feeling shy and uncertain, I saw your lovely face and felt welcomed. I wish that I hadn't put it off when you and I last spoke of getting together again. I thank you for your warmth and love and for all that you gave me and so many other people.
I will miss you, Jackie.
Elskov
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I know that this is a really stupid question. Please forgive me.
Which Brokeback? The one in Wyoming, or the one where they filmed the movie?
THANK YOU for asking!!! I was wondering the same thing! ;)
Wyoming, most likely...
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Marc, thanks so much for this pic.
terry
Terry, I remember when she visited you so well.....she was soooo excited to see you.....she picked up that phone and had to tell me what a great time she had,a beautiful home you have,and what a gentle soul you are...she loved you so much.....you were one of her favorites,darling....
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Last Thanksgiving weekend at Jackie's apartment.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi48.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff211%2Fkillersmom%2FDC-Thanksgiving016.jpg&hash=2a8cffb037b80de808012a4531c4d6bc9a9b785c)
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((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))) to you all.....
My chest is hurting,my heart feels like it will jump out any moment.....I must run upstairs and play some lovely music...start dinner and have some wine.....I'm making Chicken.....and every time Jackie would call me and say..."am I calling you at a bad time,honey?"....I would say..."No girlfriend...I'm just making some chicken titties"....Oh God...she would just laugh.....*sigh*
and now we laugh with you through our tears at "chicken titties!" too! :D
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Such a wonderful time and a great meal.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi48.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff211%2Fkillersmom%2FDC-Thanksgiving017.jpg&hash=0e9030e6bfcbe596eb839aed894d027a0de8bc93)
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((((((((((((( Carol )))))))))))))))
((((((((((((( Heidi ))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((((((((Tammy)))))))))))))))))))))
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Jackie skyping with Jari.
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Terry, I remember when she visited you so well.....she was soooo excited to see you.....she picked up that phone and had to tell me what a great time she had,a beautiful home you have,and what a gentle soul you are...she loved you so much.....you were one of her favorites,darling....
Ah, thanks for that Nells. It was a good hour or two, spent with Jackie and Marc. And - we all were her favorites......and she, ours.
terry
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Dear Jackie,
When I went to my first Brokeback gathering, feeling shy and uncertain, I saw your lovely face and felt welcomed. I wish that I hadn't put it off when you and I last spoke of getting together again. I thank you for your warmth and love and for all that you gave me and so many other people.
I will miss you, Jackie.
Elskov
Hi Elskov,
I was at that gathering and remember you well... We sat next to each other... through the sadness, I am glad we've reconnected again here.
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((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))) to you all.....
My chest is hurting,my heart feels like it will jump out any moment.....I must run upstairs and play some lovely music...start dinner and have some wine.....I'm making Chicken.....and every time Jackie would call me and say..."am I calling you at a bad time,honey?"....I would say..."No girlfriend...I'm just making some chicken titties"....Oh God...she would just laugh.....*sigh*
and now we laugh with you through our tears at "chicken titties!" too! :D
Que viva los chicken titties!!!!!!!....made pasta with this and just realized I drank all the fucken wine.....what would Jackie say?......"oh honey,do you have some grape juice?"....she's said that to me once before....ha ha...*sigh*
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Has anyone been in touch with, or able to contact Paul (MeJack)... I know that he and Jackie were very close....
No... I was thinking about him and most likely he doesn't know.
he seems to want to put the forum behind him, but i will be surprised if he doesn't find a way to be here.
hello paul, if you are watching...
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((((((((((((((((((((((Carol and Heidi)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Good to hear from you again.
That it would take such a tragedy as this to reuinite us all is a travesty in itself.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((Fritz))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
shame on all of us.
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It still hasn't sunk in......keep thinking she's going to pop in here any moment.
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even i have to believe that she is seeing all this hooplah and loving it, probably with a handsome young man or 3 by her side
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Ah, thanks for that Nells. It was a good hour or two, spent with Jackie and Marc. And - we all were her favorites......and she, ours.
terry
that is so true, Terry!!
she made each of us feel special.
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I never met Jackie, but knew her from her posts. I want to dedicate the following to her. I included it in the program of the Mass of Christian Burial for my late husband.
Death is not all
I have only slipped away into the next room
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak to me in the easy way you always use to.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes
We enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be the household word it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was;
There is absolutely unbroken continluity.
Why should I be out of your mind because
I am out of your sight?
I am waiting for you for an interval,
Somewhere very near just around the corner.
All is well.
Nothing is past, nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before...
Only better, infinitely happier and forever...
We will be one together in Christ.
Together
Carmelite Monastery
Tallow, County Waterford
Ireland
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I am so happy that so many of you have really great pictures of Jackie. It has helped me feel like I have met her. Her smile will always be with me. She and I started posting at about the same time so I always felt a kinship with her. She always had the right words for any situation and helped me feel comfortable posting myself. Funny that she didn't think she would post much but suddenly she became so involved she forgot her initial insecurities. I will miss her.
I am also glad that Melissa allowed her Livejournel post to be reprinted here for us--thanks Zudos for being part of that. I have been worried about Melissa because when I met her in Vegas---Jackie was her main support person and I know how much Melissa needed that. I hope that she is holding up through this very difficult time----please give her my best.
I still feel like all of this is not real. I am so glad that we all have this place to come grieve together.
Love to everyone!
April
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Dear All,
Greetings from Melbourne, Australia
Just wanted to share few words with you.
I have never met with Jackie but I know her art , contribution to our book and her beautiful smiley face from forums.
I did not know she was ill .
My thoughts and prayers with Jackie's family.
Campfire
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Ah, thanks for that Nells. It was a good hour or two, spent with Jackie and Marc. And - we all were her favorites......and she, ours.
terry
that is so true, Terry!!
she made each of us feel special.
so true, yes...you are sooo right....*sigh*
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I was upstairs wondering why the kids were so quiet....they know about Jackie and each one of them gave me hugh hugs and allowed me to cry on their shoulders.....and when I looked up in my room...I saw this....my little girl drew this for me
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi51.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff376%2Fmcnell1120%2FChicago%25202007%2Fchicago2007028-1.jpg&hash=8d2d59a0abf6fd7e6e4ea5738dc178839a424dc2)
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Jackie's and I's first meeting with Brad and Steve, Carol and Heidi, and Rob and Nick.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi48.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff211%2Fkillersmom%2FBradStevetrip090.jpg&hash=a73657e29612efe4f33dfa4d42b1481e54248960)
Hi Heidi. :-*
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I was not around much to know Jackie well, but she welcomed me warmly on the Impact threads when I first got there last year, and many times since I would come across her hospitable and motherly messages to newbies and oldies alike. It was so easy to see what a wonderful and caring person she was. My thoughts and prayers now are with Jackie's family and her many friends. May she rest in peace.
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Rest in peace dearest Jackie. You will be missed. You are loved.
Janice
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Jackie's and I's first meeting with Brad and Steve, Carol and Heidi, and Rob and Nick.
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Hi Heidi. :-*
Hi Linda. :-*
She was the surprise mystery guest more than once, wasn't she?
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In Bay City...
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I remember when the suprise visit was being planned. Linda and Heidi, you all were going to be at Brad and Steve's for the holiday and he and I got to talking about the possibility of Jackie coming also. You guys had a good time. I think this pic is from that wknd....
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi39.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fe154%2Ftwtaylor%2FBradJackie.jpg&hash=ebb28a611ab1b87573b28b73ef94e0679b5842cc)
terry
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi51.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff376%2Fmcnell1120%2FBay%2520City%25202007%2FBayCity054.jpg&hash=1a746b53bac064a2b05b91635305ab1e26cdde0f)
ah Nells, you're killing me...............
terry
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After we all got drunk in Bay City...Jackie was bragging about how she can make a knot out of cherry stems...it was hilarious and SHE DID IT!!!
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi51.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff376%2Fmcnell1120%2FBay%2520City%25202007%2FBayCity053.jpg&hash=b92e4f315274d8bf7c794b49988491e906411fd9)
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Mystery guest ... hahah! I will never forget the look on her face when she saw me in the flesh for the first time in Auntie's backyard. It is a moment I will never forget. It will be the only time I saw her - that weekend.
I remember IMing with her this last summer, telling her of the drama of my life - divorce and all. She'd stop and type, "That's it, honey! I am calling you!" and not 10 seconds later, my cell phone would be ringing! hahaha!
Special memories cherished forever . . . .
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(((((Nellie,)))))
Thanks for the wonderful pictures. Thank you for everything you've done.
Janice
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I was upstairs wondering why the kids were so quiet....they know about Jackie and each one of them gave me hugh hugs and allowed me to cry on their shoulders.....and when I looked up in my room...I saw this....my little girl drew this for me
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi51.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff376%2Fmcnell1120%2FChicago%25202007%2Fchicago2007028-1.jpg&hash=8d2d59a0abf6fd7e6e4ea5738dc178839a424dc2)
Oh Nellie, now I've lost it again, but it's a good reason to lose it.
Hugs back to your kids.
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Hi Linda. :-*
She was the surprise mystery guest more than once, wasn't she?
Yes she was Heidi, and loved it!
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A reminder about lighting a candle.
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=bbm
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I remember when the suprise visit was being planned. Linda and Heidi, you all were going to be at Brad and Steve's for the holiday and he and I got to talking about the possibility of Jackie coming also. You guys had a good time. I think this pic is from that wknd....
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi39.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fe154%2Ftwtaylor%2FBradJackie.jpg&hash=ebb28a611ab1b87573b28b73ef94e0679b5842cc)
terry
Yes Terry we had a wonderful time and Jackie just loved it. It was so fantastic that she was there.
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So sorry to hear about our sweet Jackie.
But I can't help but grin, thinking of her being greeted in heaven by Heath Ledger. Damn, I can just see the look on her face.
All my love and prayers to Jackie and her family.
Lydia
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Yes, Sweet Jackie - You did have a way of making everyone feel like your favorite - and it was SO genuine.
We are all gathered 'round the camp fire again, and amazed to see how many lives you touched in the span of two short years.
Thank you for that.
Thank you for welcoming me to this Forum when I finally worked up the nerve to join the chorus.
Thank you for your advice on how to post photos ( sorry my Dear, still can't figure it out)
Thank you for sharing your treasury of props from Our Favorite Movie at get togethers.
What a great thrill to wear Ennis's jacket & hat with the Rocky Mountains as our backdrop!
And thank you for driving a considerable distance to visit my exhibition this past September in PA - so proud to have you there!
I am so sorry you will not be able to attend my exhibition in Baltimore as you had planned next month.
I will think of you then, and whenever I'm here around the fire.
Rest in Peace
love,
Jay
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Mystery guest ... hahah! I will never forget the look on her face when she saw me in the flesh for the first time in Auntie's backyard. It is a moment I will never forget. It will be the only time I saw her - that weekend....
Heh. Nick, I remember that moment very well. Wayne and I were standing with Jackie, and she was seated on the patio back steps. Wayne knew you were coming and when you walked in, he told Jackie to 'go over there and meet that guy who just walked in.' Jackie, looking puzzled and all, kept asking, 'who is it, who is that?' Wayne kept on coaxing her to get up and meet you. It was very sweet.
terry
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Thank you all for the stories about Jackie - although I only knew her in PM's and never got to see her in person - the pictures and little stories of her life are just so wonderful...damn... :'( :'( :'( :'( What an amazing soul...
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DEATH be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not so,
For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee,
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee doe goe,
Rest of their bones, and soules deliverie.
Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poyson, warre, and sicknesse dwell,
And poppie, or charmes can make us sleepe as well,
And better then thy stroake; why swell'st thou then;
One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.
:'(
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Heh. Nick, I remember that moment very well. Wayne and I were standing with Jackie, and she was seated on the patio back steps. Wayne knew you were coming and when you walked in, he told Jackie to 'go over there and meet that guy who just walked in.' Jackie, looking puzzled and all, kept asking, 'who is it, who is that?' Wayne kept on coaxing her to get up and meet you. It was very sweet.
That's right, Terry! Wayne told me about that later! Jackie later that night told me that she didn't even want to entertain the idea that I would be there - that it only made her cry to think that I wouldn't be. "It's you - it's really you" is all she could say. hahah!
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So sorry to hear about our sweet Jackie.
But I can't help but grin, thinking of her being greeted in heaven by Heath Ledger. Damn, I can just see the look on her face.
All my love and prayers to Jackie and her family.
Lydia
Lydia,
I was thinking the exact same thing....lol.
Ahh, Jackie. You two take care of each other.
Terry
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terry
Terry, I never saw this pix before. Tthanks for posting it.
It was our first meeting, face to face.
We drank margaritas.
And hugged.
Paul
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Sharyn, Elskov, Fritz, CellarDweller and others from the Washington, DC area,
I've started a thread over in the DC get-togethers in "Meet Your Neighbors" for those who would like to go to Jackie's on Saturday. Might be nice if we could coordinate and pay our respects together.
http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=9035.405
FWIW
goaboydc
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Terry, I never saw this pix before. Tthanks for posting it.
It was our first meeting, face to face.
We drank margaritas.
And hugged.
Paul
ah, paul... seems i just got telling someone i couldn't imagine you not showing up .
welcome back, stranger :-*
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Has anyone been in touch with, or able to contact Paul (MeJack)... I know that he and Jackie were very close....
No... I was thinking about him and most likely he doesn't know.
he seems to want to put the forum behind him, but i will be surprised if he doesn't find a way to be here.
hello paul, if you are watching...
Yeah, Jack, I'm here.
((hugs)) to all.
Paul
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thank you for surfacing paul. the giant family reunion just would not be complete without you.
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Hello Paul! Good to see you!
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I have had a vision all evening of Jackie and Heath together in the stars, the Dozy Embrace, and it is Jackie that is holding Heath.........
Rest in peace, dear Jackie, though I never had the privilege of meeting you face to face. Your PM's I still hold dear to my heart, and the light that you brought to this world and this forum will never be forgotten.
You are missed..........
My thoughts and prayers are with you, your family, and your friends tonight.
Sue
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Jackie took me to the National Museum of Art in DC. She showed me the exact spot where she saw Terry standing there to meet her for the first time. David
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Ah, thanks for that Nells. It was a good hour or two, spent with Jackie and Marc. And - we all were her favorites......and she, ours.
terry
that is so true, Terry!!
she made each of us feel special.
That she did.....the gift of her unselfishness has left its mark on us all. When I stop to think of the little things she'd did - I can spy a handful of items in my living room directly from her...Brokeback reunion postcards, a copy of Beyond Brokeback she wanted me to have, the DVD of Forever Blue that she sent for me to watch when I casually mentioned I hadn't seen it (with her usual sweet note attached, asking that I return it after I'd watched it severa times - (now what to do with it) :( Not to mention the little pep talks she'd give........always ready. A difficult life transition - there's Jackie, ready to say just the right thing.....making you dust yourself off and move forward. :)
Yet - she never asked for anything in return, just the gift of friends. Why we love you so, Jaclyn.....you hopeless romantic. :) And none to worry Maryland - you had a huge hand in my current state of affairs, and I intend to see it through. So keep an eye out for us. :-*
I posted this picture the other day of her and I........some may recognize it - it's what she had for her latest avatar. She would tell me how much she loved this picture because all you had to do was look at her face to see how happy she was because of who she was hugging - well, I know that ALL her brokeback friends and family made her smile that much and feel that way. But, as said previously, she had a way to make each of us feel special.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi45.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff55%2Fmwruzzoli%2Fjackiemitch4.jpg&hash=3e0fd17788213671ad05069e8f411d954cad2669)
So yes, we all lost a very dear, special person today, but, I know we all gained an angel. Rest in peace, beloved Jaclyn.
Mitchell
Fly, fly little wing
Fly beyond imagining
The softest cloud, the whitest dove
Upon the wind of heaven's love
Past the planets and the stars
Leave this lonely world of ours
Escape the sorrow and the pain
And fly again
Fly, fly prercious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
There is peace forevermore
But hold this mem'ry bittersweet
Until we meet
Fly, fly do not fear
Don't waste a breath, don't shead a tear
Your heart is pure, your soul is free
Be on your way, don't wait for me
Above the universe you'll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise, the sun will set
But I won't forget
Fly, fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now, find the light
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Terry, I never saw this pix before. Tthanks for posting it.
It was our first meeting, face to face.
We drank margaritas.
And hugged.
Paul
Hey Paul. It's been so long. way too long. I've wondered about you over the months and have wished good things for you.
I love this picture of the two of you....a perfect snapshot of the wonderful wknd. What a special moment, your first meeting with Jackie face to face. I have one taken from our first meeting too. It's cherished.
terry
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Jackie took me to the National Museum of Art in DC. She showed me the exact spot where she saw Terry standing there to meet her for the first time. David
Man, David. That is precisely the spot.
I do pretty well most of the time with her leaving, but this.......ah, got me good. Thanks very much for it.
terry
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Then we went walking around the Mall. It was a Saturday and the anniversary weekend of the BBQ in San Antonio.
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Nells....thanks for this picture - so, so much. Brought a fresh batch of watery eyes, but I didn't have this one. Thank you.
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Jackie took me to the National Museum of Art in DC. She showed me the exact spot where she saw Terry standing there to meet her for the first time. David
Man, David. That is precisely the spot.
I do pretty well most of the time with her leaving, but this.......ah, got me good. Thanks very much for it.
terry
She said she recognized you immediately and the moment you saw each other you both knew that you would be friends forever.
David
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Dang...that latest few pages of pictures really hit me.
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((((Mitchell))))
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I remember when the suprise visit was being planned. Linda and Heidi, you all were going to be at Brad and Steve's for the holiday and he and I got to talking about the possibility of Jackie coming also. You guys had a good time. I think this pic is from that wknd....
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi39.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fe154%2Ftwtaylor%2FBradJackie.jpg&hash=ebb28a611ab1b87573b28b73ef94e0679b5842cc)
terry
T - that's a wonderful picture. I'm sure Brad will like that one...if he doesn't have it already.
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She said she recognized you immediately and the moment you saw each other you both knew that you would be friends forever.
David
And so we will.
terry
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Hey strangers... :)
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Blue eyes! ;) How are you holding up?
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terry
Terry, I never saw this pix before. Tthanks for posting it.
It was our first meeting, face to face.
We drank margaritas.
And hugged.
Paul
Paul,
Good to see you here with us this evening,
David
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Sharyn, Elskov, Fritz, CellarDweller and others from the Washington, DC area,
I've started a thread over in the DC get-togethers in "Meet Your Neighbors" for those who would like to go to Jackie's on Saturday. Might be nice if we could coordinate and pay our respects together.
http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=9035.405
FWIW
goaboydc
Thanks, Joe!
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(((((((((((((((((Paul)))))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((Terry))))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((Mitch))))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((Dave)))))))))))))))))))))))
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(((((((((((((Paul!!!!)))))))))))))
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Et puis Jackie est morte........
Les premiers mois aprčs mon visionnement de BBM ont été trčs intenses et cette intensité, je la vivais surtout sur ce forum, parfois ŕ écrire, mais surtout ŕ lire, ŕ chercher les mots d'autres personnes qui vivait ce que je vivais, qui me laissait perplexe.
Évidemment, Jackie y était, trčs présente par son accueil aux nouveaux arrivants, par son appuie, ses conseils, et son empathie sans limites envers les autres.
J'estime que la mort de Heath Ledger est triste, męme si je ne le connaissais pas bien ou personnellement.
Mais avec Jackie, je suis attristé par la mort de quelqu'un que j'ai l'impression d'avoir connue, de la mort de quelqu'un qui a fait partie d'un des moments les plus intenses de ma vie.
Au revoir,
Marc
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I remember when the suprise visit was being planned. Linda and Heidi, you all were going to be at Brad and Steve's for the holiday and he and I got to talking about the possibility of Jackie coming also. You guys had a good time. I think this pic is from that wknd....
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi39.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fe154%2Ftwtaylor%2FBradJackie.jpg&hash=ebb28a611ab1b87573b28b73ef94e0679b5842cc)
terry
What a great time that was. I had logged on in the morning and seen a picture of the gang at Brad's and almost screamed, "JACKIE'S THERE!" and they all admonished me b'c it was supposed to be a surprise. I never said anything to Heidi though, and there was Jackie to surprise her when we pulled up...and yes, Heidi cried. LOL.
I love remembering the good times, and that is how I will always remember all of you.
Carol
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((((((((((((((((((Marc)))))))))))))))))))
Elle était vraiment une grande dame.
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((((((((((((((Jackie))))))))))
It will be like this, just like this always
:-* :'( :-* :'(
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Hello everyone,
it is so great to read about all the wonderful moments that you all shared with Jackie. I remember, unable to be at the first BBM get together at Linda's in San Antonio, that Jackie was the first to answer my call on the computer.. remember that the forum was set up in live action and it was Jackie who so lovingly acknowledged me on the live feed and proceeded to grab people as they went by to say hi to me. She was always SO supportive of everyone and made me always feel singularily special. How wonderful she was. I am so devastated by this and with Heath. Wow, what a gathering we are seeing on this forum. From people like me, who months and mo\nths ago went on our way, only to find ourselves being drawn back . WOw...
My heartfelt condolences to Jackie's family and to her dearest friends that she obviously found here as a result of this forum. I cherish the opportunity to read all that has happened to you through the months and years as a result of her influence. Wow, even if I had not been personally affected by this lovely lady, I would have been saddened to no end to not have had contact with her based on the love I am reading and the pictures that show that love in what I have seen here. It is very obvious to me, that this lovely lady was truly the epitome of friendship, support and love and certainly someone who could serve as a role model to all of us on what it means to love unconditionally. God's Grace on all of you... and for Jackie as well. There is an angel, tonight in heaven to watch over all of you....
with heartfelt thanks to you all, and with a prayer on the wing to heaven.....
caroline
(ancient mod)
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Jackie is gone. It's hard to believe.
I first knew her because she was a volunteer member of the editorial team when I signed on as senior editor of the book project. She was a joy to work with--completely committed, always ready to find ways to overcome obstacles, totally devoted to making our book the best it could be.
We met for the first time on Labor Day weekend in 2006 in DC. I couldn't believe anybody could be so wonderfully loving and welcoming and beautiful. (She was only the second Forum person I'd met at that stage.)
When, just a week or so later, I went into a profound and terrifying personal crisis, she was there for me every day, pouring out love and support. There is no way I could ever have repaid her for such lovingkindness. She was the kind of person you never expect to encounter, but bless the powers that be when you do.
For a couple of years she was a pillar of my life: I knew that she just enveloped me in her love and that meant that I could go on and do what I needed to do.
Now she is gone. I have such a hard time accepting that someone who was so full of life is no more. She was a very special person, one of the few people I've ever known who was a genuine saint. I love you, Jackie, and I am certain that God has welcomed you into His Kingdom, which you so personified on earth.
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Maureen sends her love and condolences from Bay City to everyone here and to Jackie's family. Like a lot of people she is at a loss for words right now. She will try to write more soon.
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Hello---I came here to mourn Heath Ledger and stumbled on to the posts about Jackie. Sorry I missed her.....I feel the loss without even meeting her. I mentioned in the messages to Matilda Memorial Project what about a book for Jackie's loved ones? Even though I have not had a chance to read everything.....I could be here for days, weeks, even months doing so, I would bet that her posts and the postings from friends would be a real treasure to her family. I hope I am not butting in at an inappropriate way.
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Jackie............no one will ever fill your shoes...........
If you want to go to Brokenback, I will make sure that you make it............
I Swear...............
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I haven't been on this forum in such a long time, and when I heard about Heath, I came back here. Jackie was one of the first members I wanted to PM and say "Hey, remember me?" and to find this happening...it's just very sad. I can't say anymore. It's just almost indescribable and surreal. Jackie will be missed by so many people. I know that she is now in a better place looking down upon us all. Jackie, we know you are finally resting in peace; everyone misses you down here." :)
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Nells....thanks for this picture - so, so much. Brought a fresh batch of watery eyes, but I didn't have this one. Thank you.
you are so very welcome...I had to bring this picture back up a page or two...it is one of my favorites of you guys and I'll always remember Jackie saying to me one day on the phone...."Nellie,you all make me so very happy,these guys in here,look at my face,see how happy I look?..this is how I really feel"......*sigh*
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I love you all so much, and I didn't realize how much I've missed you all until I'm sitting here just... remembering how much you all mean to me. Nellie, your daughter is an angel. Mitch, all your words are really touching. I miss you much. I'm so happy to see everyone here, Carol & Heidi, Jonathon, so many people whose voices and names and thoughts mean so much to me. This place is amazing. Thank you Jackie, for everything you gave it.
I can just imagine Jackie arriving in heaven, and seeing Heath there, her jaw dropping, her head going back in surprise, her hand flying to her heart, "Oh, honey, what are you doing here?"
I felt for a while tonight like I shouldn't come to Maryland, like I didn't know her as well as some, but then I remembered how my tendency to hide from people who would willingly draw me in with love used to frustrate her. That made me smile to remember. She would roll her eyes at me and grab me by the elbow and drag me there, I know. I can't yet find a flight I can afford, but I'll be calling a travel agent in the morning to see if they can do better.
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((((((((((((((((((((((((( Jess )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Get your ass to Maryland...I'm going to try to be there....I've been going back and forth with this....should I go to Maryland? or go to Wyoming?...can't do both....Maryland is so soon....3 days to get this shit together....but I feel like I need to be with her family.... :-\
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I want to share an email I received tonight:
____________________________________
My darling John,
First I heard about Heath, then I went to the forum [where I hadn't lurked for so long] and read about Jackie. I wish I could give you hugs right now. I know how much she meant to you and everyone on the forum. I even feel like I knew her from her posts and at this moment have a huge lump in my throat.
I am sending prayers and hugs to you and to Jackie's family and all her friends on the forum.
I read what you posted about having your ashes spread over Brokeback Mountain and how Jackie's ashes will be spread there and all I could think of was, I don't ever want John to die but if he ever does then that's where he belongs. I wish I could somehow help ease your pain and sorrow right now. Just know that I am thinking of you and you are in my prayers.
Love, Barb
----------------------------------------------------
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Thank you John,for this.....thank Barb for us :-*
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I am Paula's sister, and I heard the news of Jackie's passing today, probably around the time most of you learned of it. The first time I met Jackie she was in my parents' kitchen. She was introduced to me as the mother of the man my sister was to marry. I remember I was taken by Jackie's incredible intelligence, compassion, openness and honesty. She was well-read and could converse knowledgeably on virtually any subject. I am lucky to have known her, and wish I had the opportunity to have known her better. Paula always spoke so highly of her, and owes her happy home and wonderful marriage to Jackie's raising her husband, a terrific man and a great husband and father. Jackie welcomed Paula into her family with open arms and did until the day she died. As a final note, the friends she met in this forum truly changed her life. She looked forward to your online chats, your activities, and your face to face meetings. I hope she meets Heath in heaven and they strike up a great friendship. Thank you all for your support, your caring, and your friendship with Jackie when she needed it most. -- LLL
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Thank you LLL for coming here. We all appreciate your words more than you could ever know. May love and peace be with your family during this most difficult time.
April
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I am Paula's sister, and I heard the news of Jackie's passing today, probably around the time most of you learned of it. The first time I met Jackie she was in my parents' kitchen. She was introduced to me as the mother of the man my sister was to marry. I remember I was taken by Jackie's incredible intelligence, compassion, openness and honesty. She was well-read and could converse knowledgeably on virtually any subject. I am lucky to have known her, and wish I had the opportunity to have known her better. Paula always spoke so highly of her, and owes her happy home and wonderful marriage to Jackie's raising her husband, a terrific man and a great husband and father. Jackie welcomed Paula into her family with open arms and did until the day she died. As a final note, the friends she met in this forum truly changed her life. She looked forward to your online chats, your activities, and your face to face meetings. I hope she meets Heath in heaven and they strike up a great friendship. Thank you all for your support, your caring, and your friendship with Jackie when she needed it most. -- LLL
OMGosh....thank you SO MUCH for this post....you know we loved our Jackie so so very much...it has left such a tremendous impact,her loss.....i'm just lost for words right now..
(((hugs))) to you
Nellie
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I am Paula's sister, and I heard the news of Jackie's passing today, probably around the time most of you learned of it. The first time I met Jackie she was in my parents' kitchen. She was introduced to me as the mother of the man my sister was to marry. I remember I was taken by Jackie's incredible intelligence, compassion, openness and honesty. She was well-read and could converse knowledgeably on virtually any subject. I am lucky to have known her, and wish I had the opportunity to have known her better. Paula always spoke so highly of her, and owes her happy home and wonderful marriage to Jackie's raising her husband, a terrific man and a great husband and father. Jackie welcomed Paula into her family with open arms and did until the day she died. As a final note, the friends she met in this forum truly changed her life. She looked forward to your online chats, your activities, and your face to face meetings. I hope she meets Heath in heaven and they strike up a great friendship. Thank you all for your support, your caring, and your friendship with Jackie when she needed it most. -- LLL
The pleasure was all ours!!
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You all have so many pictures of Jackie that I imagine her family would love to have copies of them. I am not sure who has access to them all but it might be nice for someone to collect the images in full resolution to give to the family. Just an idea. I am just so impressed with all the GREAT pictures you all have of her and I know if I was a family member I would want copies.
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You all have so many pictures of Jackie that I imagine her family would love to have copies of them. I am not sure who has access to them all but it might be nice for someone to collect the images in full resolution to give to the family. Just an idea. I am just so impressed with all the GREAT pictures you all have of her and I know if I was a family member I would want copies.
I think that is a fantastic idea April! I'm sure someone somewhere can arrange it!
Sal :-*
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I am Paula's sister, and I heard the news of Jackie's passing today, probably around the time most of you learned of it. The first time I met Jackie she was in my parents' kitchen. She was introduced to me as the mother of the man my sister was to marry. I remember I was taken by Jackie's incredible intelligence, compassion, openness and honesty. She was well-read and could converse knowledgeably on virtually any subject. I am lucky to have known her, and wish I had the opportunity to have known her better. Paula always spoke so highly of her, and owes her happy home and wonderful marriage to Jackie's raising her husband, a terrific man and a great husband and father. Jackie welcomed Paula into her family with open arms and did until the day she died. As a final note, the friends she met in this forum truly changed her life. She looked forward to your online chats, your activities, and your face to face meetings. I hope she meets Heath in heaven and they strike up a great friendship. Thank you all for your support, your caring, and your friendship with Jackie when she needed it most. -- LLL
Hi qwerty, and welcome. Jackie was one in a billion and blessed us all with her support, her caring and her friendship through thick and thin. Being around her, either here on the forum or at an event was a joyful priviledge.
Glenn
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Sal :-*
Hugs to you Sal.
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I am Paula's sister, and I heard the news of Jackie's passing today, probably around the time most of you learned of it. The first time I met Jackie she was in my parents' kitchen. She was introduced to me as the mother of the man my sister was to marry. I remember I was taken by Jackie's incredible intelligence, compassion, openness and honesty. She was well-read and could converse knowledgeably on virtually any subject. I am lucky to have known her, and wish I had the opportunity to have known her better. Paula always spoke so highly of her, and owes her happy home and wonderful marriage to Jackie's raising her husband, a terrific man and a great husband and father. Jackie welcomed Paula into her family with open arms and did until the day she died. As a final note, the friends she met in this forum truly changed her life. She looked forward to your online chats, your activities, and your face to face meetings. I hope she meets Heath in heaven and they strike up a great friendship. Thank you all for your support, your caring, and your friendship with Jackie when she needed it most. -- LLL
Hi qwerty, and welcome. Jackie was one in a billion and blessed us all with her support, her caring and her friendship through thick and thin. Being around her, either here on the forum or at an event was a joyful priviledge.
Glenn
Glenn, I wholeheartedly agree. I was trying to find the words, but you found them for me
Thank you
Sal :-*
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Jackie's last post.......
Bye for now, mi hermana! :-*
Now, I must head out, as well. I might come back...if the army don't...
Hugs around the Diner. :-*
Army did get her. Army of angels.
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Jackie's last post.......
Bye for now, mi hermana! :-*
Now, I must head out, as well. I might come back...if the army don't...
Hugs around the Diner. :-*
Army did get her. Army of angels.
You
bet.
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I found this note a few minutes ago...
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi45.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff70%2FRobinpuyallup%2FJackiesletter.jpg&hash=9e4b75e905262019049681443fed6ebb498b2cd8)
...it was enclosed in a package Jackie sent me last September. In it were the best oatmeal raisin and oatmeal chocolate chip cookies I've ever had. Jackie baked them.
Thank you Big Sis, for giving me a bit of your heart, for taking a bit of mine with you, home.
I love you Jackie...
Your Little Bro,
Rob
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I arrived in San Francisco early this morning. It was cold and rainy and depressing. I heard the bad news about Jackie for the first time from Michael. I had never met Jackie in RL, but have exchanged many warm PMs with her. She is a very special person to all of us.
Coming down the hill on the 22-Fillmore bus, I looked toward the Bay. There was a little sliver of sunshine breaking through the clouds, creating a huge rainbow over the Bay. It was for Jackie.
Jim
:'(
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(((((((Nellie))))))) I'm going to leave this to worry about in the morning and just try and trust and pray tonight that I'll find a flight I can afford. My sweet husband is trying to convince me that I can afford ANY flight, but I know our balances as well as he does. And my wonderful mother already said she would pick me up at the airport, take care of me, even come to the event with me if that's what I need-- anything.
Like I said, I pray that tomorrow God will lead me to the right web page or travel agent and the right flight, and I do have faith in that, because it simply HAS to happen. I can't even imagine traveling right now-- I feel so drained, everything takes so much effort, but worse I can't imagine not being there.
This tragic event has brought me closer to God than I ever imagined something could. I just need to know someone is in control of something...
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Never without a smile
I will miss you so much Jackie. :'(
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There is now way that I can make it to Maryland... and it breaks my heart that I can not.
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My heart is just breaking. One pleasant thought is that one of the first people Jackie will see as she enters heaven is another new comer, Heath Ledger. Can you imagine the surprise and joy. I have a feeling that Heath was well aware of this forum and that he may have even been aware of Jackie. At any rate, I have a feeling that they will share some wonderful moments and think of us as we are thinking of them. God bless them both.
Amen to that.
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Oh boy. Me and Jackie together. Here it comes again. :'( :'( :'(
Rest In Peace Jackie.
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(((((((Nellie))))))) I'm going to leave this to worry about in the morning and just try and trust and pray tonight that I'll find a flight I can afford.
Keep trying Jess -- sometimes the fares become very affordable just before the flight if they haven't filled up. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
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Thanks, Monica! In the end if I can't find a cheap flight I'll probably just spend imaginary money on an expensive one.This isn't a new pair of shoes or eating dinner out-- so credit card debt be damned, right? And it would be very comforting to see my mom right now as well. As Lola would say, I'm being sookie, wanting my mommy, even if she doesn't understand. I called her to ask if she thought I should come down for this, and she said no, and I immediately started bawling, so then she said yes. That was the first I'd cried for Jackie, too. My said she initially said no because I have no one to be there for-- Jackie's family doesn't need me. But that's not true, we're also her family, and we all need each other, and the truth is I need to see some of you guys or I feel like I'm going to crawl right out of my skin. I tried to tell her I have no one here, no one who knows her, and I just want to even just exist in the same room with someone who is hurting for the same reason I am hurting. I think it's why we all found each other in the first place, why we all met, to know that we were feeling the same pain. As Jari would say, we could finally speak the same language, we had the same base to compare things to. And now again I think we find ourselves in that situation.
Oh sorry, I'm babbling. I do that sometimes :/
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I am Paula's sister, and I heard the news of Jackie's passing today, probably around the time most of you learned of it. The first time I met Jackie she was in my parents' kitchen. She was introduced to me as the mother of the man my sister was to marry. I remember I was taken by Jackie's incredible intelligence, compassion, openness and honesty. She was well-read and could converse knowledgeably on virtually any subject. I am lucky to have known her, and wish I had the opportunity to have known her better. Paula always spoke so highly of her, and owes her happy home and wonderful marriage to Jackie's raising her husband, a terrific man and a great husband and father. Jackie welcomed Paula into her family with open arms and did until the day she died. As a final note, the friends she met in this forum truly changed her life. She looked forward to your online chats, your activities, and your face to face meetings. I hope she meets Heath in heaven and they strike up a great friendship. Thank you all for your support, your caring, and your friendship with Jackie when she needed it most. -- LLL
Thank you so much for coming here and posting this. I'm sending much love to you and your family at this terrible time.
With warm regards,
Marleen
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Well, folks - it has been roughly 24 hours since our sweet Jackie passed. I could not sit and do nothing tonight. So, I created a video montage of all the pictures that have been shared today - and a few of my own. I was hoping no one would object to my using their pictures.
It will be done processing soon. Once it is, I will post a link so all can share in looking back at all the people and places Jackie touched.
Love and hugs to you all right now . . . .
Nick
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OK, its finished.
Here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVB8_uV5_9M
This is for you, Jackie. I love you.
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Thank you so much, Nick
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After W.H. Auden's Funeral Blues
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message She is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
She was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
This is beautiful beyond belief.
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It is still very hard to find words.
My thoughts are with Jackies family and closest friends
with love.
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OK, its finished.
Here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVB8_uV5_9M
This is for you, Jackie. I love you.
The tears have come yet again, but what a beautiful gift for Jackie and for us.
Thank you Nick.
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It is still very hard to find words.
My thoughts are with Jackies family and closest friends
with love.
I think they will always be hard ((((((((((Mia))))))))))))
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVB8_uV5_9M
This is for you, Jackie. I love you.
Heartbreakingly wonderful. Merci beaucoup.
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For what (very little) it's worth, a few congratulatory images I posted for Jackie, back when we were both active in the slash threads:
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi62.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh98%2FSid401k%2FcongratsJackie.jpg&hash=addfb7e393359da3939cb5a5a046cddd355d6048) (https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi62.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh98%2FSid401k%2Fcelebrate%2FCongratsJackie3.jpg&hash=bb53e9e1dbbafac62ed8653cac8498b698cc94e9) (https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi62.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh98%2FSid401k%2Fcelebrate%2FCongratsJackie2.jpg&hash=56e4ae8e06fa84caee0ae70e2c363c6aea4addb1)
The first reminds me how how much she contributed to the forum. Twelve thousand posts. That was back in October of 2006. I just checked her profile, and she was up to over 26,000. Over 35 posts a day. For two years.
The second was for her birthday the next month. It makes me smile because of her quirky "paintedshoes" forum name.
The third was just a month after the first, when she had added yet another 1,000 posts to her record. (The Latin translates to "Behold thirteen thousand.) We had learned--on the PhotoCap thread, of all places!--that we shared an interest in choral works.
We finally met in person at the Chicago Slash Bash in October 2006. I had taken a room at a nearby cheap motel, and I offered to share (partly out of camaraderie and partly out of economy). Dean (Amdaz), whom I had met a few months earlier, took me up on my offer and asked if I would be interested in a third. It seemed that Jackie had originally thought that she couldn't make it to the bash (to the disappointment of many), but now thought she might manage after all. But it was to be a secret. And unlike many secrets, this one actually remained secret until she showed up. Everyone was astounded and delighted that she had come after all. She was a cheerful and considerate motel-mate, and I was really touched when she brought out a gift for each of us. Dean got a book, and to me she gave CD of John Rutter. I have it here at my desk, and it reminds me of her it so many different ways: her thoughfulness and generosity, of course, but the bright yellow and orange cover also reminds me of her warmth and cheer, and the title: "Gloria" (a hymn of praise) seems so approprate just now.
I wish I had known her better. I wish we all could have known her longer.
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Don't know if this has been quoted already, but these were Jackie's very last lines on the Forum,
posted on January 4, barely 20 days ago:
"Now, I must head out, as well. I might come back...if the army don't..."
As if she knew - and on the other hand, so innocently sweet and beautiful.
These three little sentences break our hearts.
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That is beautiful Nick, Thank you
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OK, its finished.
Here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVB8_uV5_9M
This is for you, Jackie. I love you.
Thank you Nick for the beautiful present!
Although I never met either Jackie or anyone of you, I feel so sorry she leaved us!
Laura
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Sweet Jackie,
We were going to overcome our time zones someday.
We were going to be in a picture together someday.
We were going to see each other in the eyes and say,
"You look just the way you sounded on Skype and what I have been imagining!!"
We were going to....
We were going to....
Where do I go now?
It snowed here very quietly all day while I thought about you.
Today, a beautiful clear perfect day for your departure.
Yes, to Wyoming. Someday I'll meet you there, I promise.
love,
Reiko
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Jackie's last post.......
Bye for now, mi hermana! :-*
Now, I must head out, as well. I might come back...if the army don't...
Hugs around the Diner. :-*
Army did get her. Army of angels.
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
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Nothing but love to all of those who loved Jackie which would be pretty much everyone she ever encountered, whether briefly or throughout her lifetime. Candles lit and prayers extended. A truly beautiful soul.
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Marc, thanks so much for this pic.
terry
You are so welcome, my man... I will never forget that day.
Marc
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I was upstairs wondering why the kids were so quiet....they know about Jackie and each one of them gave me hugh hugs and allowed me to cry on their shoulders.....and when I looked up in my room...I saw this....my little girl drew this for me
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi51.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff376%2Fmcnell1120%2FChicago%25202007%2Fchicago2007028-1.jpg&hash=8d2d59a0abf6fd7e6e4ea5738dc178839a424dc2)
Oh Nellie...
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God I love this picture...
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Hugs around the diner
Tears around the world
For love and friendship freely given
And kindnesses untold.
A legacy of laughter
A thing we cannot lose
We are richer far for knowing you
Darling Jackie, Paintedshoes
Love always
N.
XXX
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Hugs around the diner
Tears around the world
For love and friendship freely given
And kindnesses untold.
A legacy of laughter
A thing we cannot lose
We are richer far for knowing you
Darling Jackie, Paintedshoes
Love always
N.
XXX
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Neil, good form. Thanks.
I can't help but appreciate that every pic of our sweet Jackie is that of a radiant smile. Thing is, that smile isn't about Jackie. That smile is about us. Why do every single one of us feel this way about Jackie? It is because, for her, it is all about us and not her. Course, in the end, it is really about her. A compliment beyond comprehension.
Jackie once said to me (in a very private one-on-one special time on my back deck), her biggest fear in life was that nobody knew she existed. No one cared to hear her. She thought, perhaps, people looked at her and moved on or didn't care to see her. I told her she was the bright light for all of us. She was the glue that held us together. She ment so much to us and her family, how could she think anything less of her. She paused, took a big draw on the cigarette, looked at me, and asked, "do you think so"? I said one word, "Absolutley".
Now I know I am right. Ya'll are my 'backup'. More importantly, our sweet Jackie knows. Thanks firends.
Brad
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OK, its finished.
Here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVB8_uV5_9M
This is for you, Jackie. I love you.
thanks so much nick!!
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Mystery guest ... hahah! I will never forget the look on her face when she saw me in the flesh for the first time in Auntie's backyard. It is a moment I will never forget. It will be the only time I saw her - that weekend....
Heh. Nick, I remember that moment very well. Wayne and I were standing with Jackie, and she was seated on the patio back steps. Wayne knew you were coming and when you walked in, he told Jackie to 'go over there and meet that guy who just walked in.' Jackie, looking puzzled and all, kept asking, 'who is it, who is that?' Wayne kept on coaxing her to get up and meet you. It was very sweet.
terry
Thanks for the memory Terry... I had forgotten that :-*
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Hugs around the diner
Tears around the world
For love and friendship freely given
And kindnesses untold.
A legacy of laughter
A thing we cannot lose
We are richer far for knowing you
Darling Jackie, Paintedshoes
Love always
N.
XXX
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Thanks for this tribute N. - she would be so pleased.
Sorry---don't mean to offend....but I'm thinkin' I'm just going to get rip-roarin' drunk.
So long, Jackie. It's been good to know ya.
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You are so right, Brad. For me, Jackie was the Earth Mother of this Forum.............no other way for me to see her. Now, I have to believe she is our Heavenly Mother, watching after us, nudging us to be a better person, to be like her and reach out to touch others in that positve, caring way she had. I can only hope to have just a speck of her radiant influence on the lives of others...............Jonn
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I am Paula's sister, and I heard the news of Jackie's passing today, probably around the time most of you learned of it. The first time I met Jackie she was in my parents' kitchen. She was introduced to me as the mother of the man my sister was to marry. I remember I was taken by Jackie's incredible intelligence, compassion, openness and honesty. She was well-read and could converse knowledgeably on virtually any subject. I am lucky to have known her, and wish I had the opportunity to have known her better. Paula always spoke so highly of her, and owes her happy home and wonderful marriage to Jackie's raising her husband, a terrific man and a great husband and father. Jackie welcomed Paula into her family with open arms and did until the day she died. As a final note, the friends she met in this forum truly changed her life. She looked forward to your online chats, your activities, and your face to face meetings. I hope she meets Heath in heaven and they strike up a great friendship. Thank you all for your support, your caring, and your friendship with Jackie when she needed it most. -- LLL
Thank you for this... You can see from all the comments that Jackie was very special to us all... :-*
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OK, its finished.
Here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVB8_uV5_9M
This is for you, Jackie. I love you.
this is so beautiful, nick, thank you !
i have a question: does anybody have a movie piece with jackie speaking ? i'm so afraid of forgettig how her voice sounds. it's all i have, because i never was lucky enough to meet her in person. this year in oxford, it would finally have happened. it's the one big regret i have...never having been able to hold and hug her.
i'd be immensely grateful if i could have a movie clip with her voice....thank you !
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I can't help but appreciate that every pic of our sweet Jackie is that of a radiant smile. Thing is, that smile isn't about Jackie. That smile is about us. Why do every single one of us feel this way about Jackie? It is because, for her, it is all about us and not her. Course, in the end, it is really about her. A compliment beyond comprehension.
Jackie once said to me (in a very private one-on-one special time on my back deck), her biggest fear in life was that nobody knew she existed. No one cared to hear her. She thought, perhaps, people looked at her and moved on or didn't care to see her. I told her she was the bright light for all of us. She was the glue that held us together. She ment so much to us and her family, how could she think anything less of her. She paused, took a big draw on the cigarette, looked at me, and asked, "do you think so"? I said one word, "Absolutley".
Now I know I am right. Ya'll are my 'backup'. More importantly, our sweet Jackie knows. Thanks firends.
Brad
This is amazing Brad.... Thank you and so so true :-*
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OK, its finished.
Here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVB8_uV5_9M
This is for you, Jackie. I love you.
thanks so much nick!!
Great tribute Nick...
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i have a question: does anybody have a movie piece with jackie speaking ? i'm so afraid of forgettig how her voice sounds. it's all i have, because i never was lucky enough to meet her in person. this year in oxford, it would finally have happened. it's the one big regret i have...never having been able to hold and hug her.
i'd be immensely grateful if i could have a movie clip with her voice....thank you !
I am not sure Martina.... Was she not speaking in either of the BBQ video's?
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i have a question: does anybody have a movie piece with jackie speaking ? i'm so afraid of forgettig how her voice sounds. it's all i have, because i never was lucky enough to meet her in person. this year in oxford, it would finally have happened. it's the one big regret i have...never having been able to hold and hug her.
i'd be immensely grateful if i could have a movie clip with her voice....thank you !
I am not sure Martina.... Was she not speaking in either of the BBQ video's?
that might be...i'll have to check them....but i'm not sure i'm up to watching them right now.
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Hugs around the diner
Tears around the world
For love and friendship freely given
And kindnesses untold.
A legacy of laughter
A thing we cannot lose
We are richer far for knowing you
Darling Jackie, Paintedshoes
Love always
N.
XXX
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NEILCHOU THIS IS PRECIOUS
THANK YOU
:-* :-* :'( :'(
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Yeah Martina I agree... her voice... so tender and so intense... unforgettable.
Would love to be able to hear it again, though it might bring back fresh pain.
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Meeting everyone at the San Antonio BBQ was an amazing experience...
I stayed at the Holiday Inn, where all the LA posse were too (Philip/Sparky/Dan/Scott/Lynn), and honoury members Jan and Ellen...
After the Friday evening Dan, who had a suite, invited us back to his room where we all sat chatted and I got to know the LA posse and they me... They absolutely LOVED Jackie, or as they said THE PAINTED SHOES... They had long chatted about her wonderful posts and love that she spread around the forum... I told them that when I arrived in he states I had stayed with Jackie, and they immediately asked me all kinds of details, 'Describe the Painted Shoes Home' 'What does the Painted Shoes eat for breakfast' etc etc... They had adored her from afar...
The mischevious side of me, of course told Jackie that some of the group idolised her, and that she should go and make a speech to them...!!!!
She looked at me in that confused way, and said 'Honey you must be joking...Me????' - I told her that the posse adored her and everything she stood for on the forum... She asked 'But what will I say' - I told her just to be herself...
You could literally see her pulling herself together as she went over to the posse who were gathered together...
I know this was very special to Jackie to have a group of people that talked about her, and appreciated her, people that she did not really know... just from what she wrote...
Hence, I quite often referred to her in he diner as 'THE HALLOWED PAINTED SHOES...'
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i have a question: does anybody have a movie piece with jackie speaking ? i'm so afraid of forgettig how her voice sounds. it's all i have, because i never was lucky enough to meet her in person. this year in oxford, it would finally have happened. it's the one big regret i have...never having been able to hold and hug her.
i'd be immensely grateful if i could have a movie clip with her voice....thank you !
I am not sure Martina.... Was she not speaking in either of the BBQ video's?
she is in the video i made! right at the beginning the first morning i woke up and she,linda and me sat on the stairs in the back yard. talking to me and after i filmed her,she`s filming me.
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One of my first experiences with Jackie, was early 2006, and Nick had not been in the forum for a few days, and Jackie was one of the people really worried to make sure he was OK...
She knew I was in the UK and PM'ed me, to try and find out if Nick was OK, and whether I had his number/address etc...
And followed this by saying that she could be on a plane in the morning if there was something wrong...
Amazing woman... :-*
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Remember she offered me more than the half of her entire sig line space
so that I could just put my numerous nicknames in?
She then called it ING's SPACE.
She just stepped aside on her own page, so to speak, to give me more space.
So generous! And to come up spontaenously with such an idea.
I was (and am) overwhelmed by her.
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One of my first experiences with Jackie, was early 2006, and Nick had not been in the forum for a few days, and Jackie was one of the people really worried to make sure he was OK...
She knew I was in the UK and PM'ed me, to try and find out if Nick was OK, and whether I had his number/address etc...
And followed this by saying that she could be on a plane in the morning if there was something wrong...
Amazing woman... :-*
I remember that well.
I was not having a good time at all in RL, and had posted an unintentionally distressing and dark email about how I was feeling and then disappeared from the forum for a day or so. Jackie was desperately worried as were several others.
Jackie and I drank to friendship at the Texas BBQ specifically toasting that event as evidence.
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http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=26918.msg1154926#msg1154926
Look at reply #2377-done by Twist and Shout
I hope it brings comfort and maybe even a smile...... :-*
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I just read the tragic news. So Jackie will get to meet her Ennis after all. Although I didn't know Jackie "off-board" so to speak,I am beyond sad at her passing,leaving a hole in so many lives so soon after we lost Heath. They're going to have so much to talk about in Heaven! Rest in peace,beautiful people both.
My prayers and heartfelt condolences to Jackie's lovely,generous family and friends.
My love to all of you,
Nadine xx
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http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=26918.msg1154926#msg1154926
Look at reply #2377-done by Twist and Shout
I hope it brings comfort and maybe even a smile...... :-*
Damn :'(
-
yes, damn.
I just looked at the candle-lighting site, and the "bbm" group has 44 candles from 5 countries, and there's a "heath" group with 188 candles.
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=bbm
Not that I've got anything in particular to say, just wanted to be with you folks for a bit before I go out into my day.
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http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=26918.msg1154926#msg1154926
Look at reply #2377-done by Twist and Shout
I hope it brings comfort and maybe even a smile...... :-*
Damn :'(
You said it. :'(
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http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=26918.msg1154926#msg1154926
Look at reply #2377-done by Twist and Shout
I hope it brings comfort and maybe even a smile...... :-*
Damn :'(
:'( :'( :'(
-
Just saw it too. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
-
I can't help but appreciate that every pic of our sweet Jackie is that of a radiant smile. Thing is, that smile isn't about Jackie. That smile is about us. Why do every single one of us feel this way about Jackie? It is because, for her, it is all about us and not her. Course, in the end, it is really about her. A compliment beyond comprehension.
Jackie once said to me (in a very private one-on-one special time on my back deck), her biggest fear in life was that nobody knew she existed. No one cared to hear her. She thought, perhaps, people looked at her and moved on or didn't care to see her. I told her she was the bright light for all of us. She was the glue that held us together. She ment so much to us and her family, how could she think anything less of her. She paused, took a big draw on the cigarette, looked at me, and asked, "do you think so"? I said one word, "Absolutley".
Now I know I am right. Ya'll are my 'backup'. More importantly, our sweet Jackie knows. Thanks firends.
Brad
Thank you, bro.
-
OK, its finished.
Here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVB8_uV5_9M
This is for you, Jackie. I love you.
Nick, this is so beautiful, Jackie must be beaming!
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I stayed at the Holiday Inn, where all the LA posse were too (Philip/Sparky/Dan/Scott/Lynn), and honoury members Jan and Ellen...
Hence, I quite often referred to her in he diner as 'THE HALLOWED PAINTED SHOES...'
Haha! Wayne, I remember that night so well! The way those guys spoke of her . . . you'd think they were talking about the Virgin Mary herself! Haha! A priceless memory.
I haven't seen much of the posse here except for Phillip and Jan - - I hope everyone there in LA is doing alright . . . .
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I stayed at the Holiday Inn, where all the LA posse were too (Philip/Sparky/Dan/Scott/Lynn), and honoury members Jan and Ellen...
Hence, I quite often referred to her in he diner as 'THE HALLOWED PAINTED SHOES...'
Haha! Wayne, I remember that night so well! The way those guys spoke of her . . . you'd think they were talking about the Virgin Mary herself! Haha! A priceless memory.
I haven't seen much of the posse here except for Phillip and Jan - - I hope everyone there in LA is doing alright . . . .
Sunspot has been here, and Welles, I think, WLAguy Joe...
"hallowed Painted Shoes".... I remember that too. I had to check waht "hallowed" meant
-
I'm Jenny, former au pair of Paula. When I got the news that Heath Ledger died I first thought 'gosh, hopefully Jackie will not find out about it because she has to struggle already enough at the moment'.... That day in the afternoon I received an e-mail from Paula, that Jackie died... It really gave me goose bumps because I know how much she loved and lived this movie and everything and everyone about it.
I had to watch the movie with her, too and I wasn't allowed to ask any question during the movie :) 'you'll see honey' was the answer to everything I asked to understand what the movie is about etc ( as you will notice I'm not a real english speaker I'm from Germany... )
I even met one of you at Paula's house. I think it was Zudos... But I don't know if he remembers me.
I just wanted you to know that her passion about the movie, the forum and all the people she got to know ther even reached Germany and I'm glad that I got to know her and I'm glad that all of you made her happy and she made you happy as well!
hugs from overseas
-
Oh ok, cool, Jari - thanks for letting me know.
-
I love you all so much, and I didn't realize how much I've missed you all until I'm sitting here just... remembering how much you all mean to me. Nellie, your daughter is an angel. Mitch, all your words are really touching. I miss you much. I'm so happy to see everyone here, Carol & Heidi, Jonathon, so many people whose voices and names and thoughts mean so much to me. This place is amazing. Thank you Jackie, for everything you gave it.
I can just imagine Jackie arriving in heaven, and seeing Heath there, her jaw dropping, her head going back in surprise, her hand flying to her heart, "Oh, honey, what are you doing here?"
I felt for a while tonight like I shouldn't come to Maryland, like I didn't know her as well as some, but then I remembered how my tendency to hide from people who would willingly draw me in with love used to frustrate her. That made me smile to remember. She would roll her eyes at me and grab me by the elbow and drag me there, I know. I can't yet find a flight I can afford, but I'll be calling a travel agent in the morning to see if they can do better.
Jess....good to see and hear from you again, even under the difficult circumstances. I hope you're able to make it to Maryland, if possible. I thought about driving down Friday night, but I have responsibilities on Saturday I cannot escape. I'll be there in spirit of course.
-
For Jackie, with love....
'TIL THEN
Goodbye
Is a word we promised not to say
I will have to find another way
It implies we'll never laugh and play as we did everyday,
But oh,
I know that we will
I won't say goodbye
Farewell
Is too final to be apropo
And it doesn't say I miss you so
That I long to see your smiling face everytime, every place that I go
As I keep up with life's endless chase
I can't say farewell
Someday
When we've all found our shelter from the storm
When we've all found a haven safe and warm
Then I know time will find us
Together again
"'Til then"
Is a phrase that keeps your memory green
It anticipates some future scene
Where we once again will share the joy that you bring
Dear sweet friend, we will sing, we will dance
We will have a new chance
So I'll wait 'til then
Someday
When my sadness has finally ended
We will be as the good Lord intended
Faithful to my song and back where we belong
Together
'Til then, 'til then
We'll be together again
'Til then, 'til then
I'll wait forever and then
'Til then, 'til then
We'll be together again...
---Trish Sisson Soulen
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I'm Jenny, former au pair of Paula. When I got the news that Heath Ledger died I first thought 'gosh, hopefully Jackie will not find out about it because she has to struggle already enough at the moment'.... That day in the afternoon I received an e-mail from Paula, that Jackie died... It really gave me goose bumps because I know how much she loved and lived this movie and everything and everyone about it.
I had to watch the movie with her, too and I wasn't allowed to ask any question during the movie :) 'you'll see honey' was the answer to everything I asked to understand what the movie is about etc ( as you will notice I'm not a real english speaker I'm from Germany... )
I even met one of you at Paula's house. I think it was Zudos... But I don't know if he remembers me.
I just wanted you to know that her passion about the movie, the forum and all the people she got to know ther even reached Germany and I'm glad that I got to know her and I'm glad that all of you made her happy and she made you happy as well!
hugs from overseas
Thank you for coming!
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi62.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh95%2Fnaxman_photos%2Fstuff%2Fjackie22.jpg&hash=a82bd8dd73982a0c309f2a2b952117717360b246)
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Hugs around the diner
Tears around the world
For love and friendship freely given
And kindnesses untold.
A legacy of laughter
A thing we cannot lose
We are richer far for knowing you
Darling Jackie, Paintedshoes
Love always
N.
XXX
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Oh Neil............... :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(...so beautiful
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yes, damn.
I just looked at the candle-lighting site, and the "bbm" group has 44 candles from 5 countries, and there's a "heath" group with 188 candles.
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=bbm
Not that I've got anything in particular to say, just wanted to be with you folks for a bit before I go out into my day.
There is at least another one from Australia. i did not know about the group when I lit it.
-
I didn't know Jackie, but I responded to her once about her sig line, "Well, I won't." It's a line from my hero, Jack Twist, and it's such a positive, defiant statement. I don't recall her exact reply, but she was very gracious.
What a terrible week! Losing Heath and Jackie both. Sigh.
-
I'm Jenny, former au pair of Paula. When I got the news that Heath Ledger died I first thought 'gosh, hopefully Jackie will not find out about it because she has to struggle already enough at the moment'.... That day in the afternoon I received an e-mail from Paula, that Jackie died... It really gave me goose bumps because I know how much she loved and lived this movie and everything and everyone about it.
I had to watch the movie with her, too and I wasn't allowed to ask any question during the movie :) 'you'll see honey' was the answer to everything I asked to understand what the movie is about etc ( as you will notice I'm not a real english speaker I'm from Germany... )
I even met one of you at Paula's house. I think it was Zudos... But I don't know if he remembers me.
I just wanted you to know that her passion about the movie, the forum and all the people she got to know ther even reached Germany and I'm glad that I got to know her and I'm glad that all of you made her happy and she made you happy as well!
hugs from overseas
Hey Jenny... How wonderful to see you here... As I started reading your post, I thought I wonder if that is the Jenny that I met briefly at Paula and Marks place...
As I remember you had some visitors from Germany and I think you were heading out swimming...
Its amazing how many lives Jackie touched...
The time I spent with her in Washington and New York was fantastic...
I hope you enjoy reading all the tributes to Jackie here....
Wayne
X
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I miss her smile.
-
Jackie, you were the first to welcome me to this great forum, for that I am grateful, very grateful. I know you are at peace in the beautiful Universe somewhere in the mass of gigantic galaxies and billions of stars, places that us back here on earth can't even conceptualize. You are a warm and loving soul, I will miss you.
-
One day later, and the news is probably setting in for most of us. I think Jackie would be very happy to see us all here, together.
Saena
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[this may sounds cornball, but it's my only comforting thought in this awful week]
Some have mentioned Heath needing a 'mama' in the afterworld, which makes sense as both his and Jackie's loving earthly families are still with us.
They died on the full moon. Maybe they met around a nice campfire . . .
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[this may sounds cornball, but it's my only comforting thought in this awful week]
Some have mentioned Heath needing a 'mama' in the afterworld, which makes sense as both his and Jackie's loving earthly families are still with us.
They died on the full moon. Maybe they met around a nice campfire . . .
I absolutely agree, what a wonderful thought, you are probably right!
-
Dear Jackie, I just heard yesterday. Didn't know you were even ill. Little darlin', please give Heath a hug from me. I know you're in company with him. How could it be otherwise?
I loved meeting you in NY last July and I had hopes of seeing you again at one of our gatherings. Here's a memory of that time, til we meet again. :-*
Much love,
Meryl
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi66.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh269%2Fmerylmarie%2FBBMLinesVisualized%2FBrokieBrunch%2FMeeooowwwPaintedShoesJul07.jpg&hash=ff43c314470b79e6bf8401a8880982656d7acfaf)
Meeooowww, Jackie, Meryl
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi66.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh269%2Fmerylmarie%2FBBMLinesVisualized%2FBrokieBrunch%2FNYCGatheringJul07.jpg&hash=36ecbcbf42619baca201b352ddc4a80953fd6da6)
Chuck, Randman, Desperadum, Meeooowww, Zudos, Jackie, Meryl
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yesterday i was driving and thinking of jackie and then saw this,stopped the car and took this pic with my cell
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fv627%2Fsifra%2Ffotos%2FFoto078.jpg&hash=f6ad93da7950854e5180df0b60fd642611aaf1a1)
today i got good news about a new apartment and then this afternoon at the beach i knew jackie was there being happy with me!! knowing how much i needed another house.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fv627%2Fsifra%2Ffotos%2FFoto079.jpg&hash=7d8863457f4cd464419855f0d424eae178a9910c)
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I woke up this morning, and my first thought was, "why doesn't it hurt less?" I called my mom first. She says that I should be happy Jackie is in a good place. No matter how many times I say that, it doesn't really hurt less.
I've also decided not to come to Maryland. My depression really has me at the moment, and getting off the couch is a bit of a monumental effort. The idea of carrying a suitcase through an airport-- it just sounds impossible to me right now. I'm so sorry, I just can't do it. My thoughts and prayers are with each and every one of you, her RL family and her forum family.
Do we have an address of where to send a card? Could we send it to Jackie's apartment?
I'm wearing my "Love is a Force of Nature" bracelet today, in honor of Jackie. I miss her so much :'(
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I woke up this morning, and my first thought was, "why doesn't it hurt less?" I called my mom first. She says that I should be happy Jackie is in a good place. No matter how many times I say that, it doesn't really hurt less.
I've also decided not to come to Maryland. My depression really has me at the moment, and getting off the couch is a bit of a monumental effort. The idea of carrying a suitcase through an airport-- it just sounds impossible to me right now. I'm so sorry, I just can't do it. My thoughts and prayers are with each and every one of you, her RL family and her forum family.
Do we have an address of where to send a card? Could we send it to Jackie's apartment?
I'm wearing my "Love is a Force of Nature" bracelet today, in honor of Jackie. I miss her so much :'(
I so understand (((Jess))). Even though I'm filled up with medication, it still hurts SO much, both mentally and physically.
It's going to take some time, dear... allow yourself that time.
Marc
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yesterday i was driving and thinking of jackie and then saw this,stopped the car and took this pic with my cell
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fv627%2Fsifra%2Ffotos%2FFoto078.jpg&hash=f6ad93da7950854e5180df0b60fd642611aaf1a1)
today i got good news about a new apartment and then this afternoon at the beach i knew jackie was there being happy with me!! knowing how much i needed another house.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fv627%2Fsifra%2Ffotos%2FFoto079.jpg&hash=7d8863457f4cd464419855f0d424eae178a9910c)
hope in the middle of sadness....beautiful pictures, and great news, conny !
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This is a video of one of the early posts by our beloved Jari (Boris)
Rodney, Trish and I put this together last year as part of a larger video that we showed in Bay City on Oscar Night.
Jari's words help explain what this forum, and especially Heath, have meant to me. When Jari says 'Brokeback hit us directly in the heart', for me anyway, it was Heath Ledger that hit my heart.
I just wanted to share it again today for anyone who may not have seen it yet.
The voice is RodneyWy. Some of the B&W illustrations are by ChrisFewa, art that he created for our book.
This was also Jackie's favorite post from the forum.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=k3t7INA8P4o
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Meeting everyone at the San Antonio BBQ was an amazing experience...
I stayed at the Holiday Inn, where all the LA posse were too (Philip/Sparky/Dan/Scott/Lynn), and honoury members Jan and Ellen...
After the Friday evening Dan, who had a suite, invited us back to his room where we all sat chatted and I got to know the LA posse and they me... They absolutely LOVED Jackie, or as they said THE PAINTED SHOES... They had long chatted about her wonderful posts and love that she spread around the forum... I told them that when I arrived in he states I had stayed with Jackie, and they immediately asked me all kinds of details, 'Describe the Painted Shoes Home' 'What does the Painted Shoes eat for breakfast' etc etc... They had adored her from afar...
The mischevious side of me, of course told Jackie that some of the group idolised her, and that she should go and make a speech to them...!!!!
She looked at me in that confused way, and said 'Honey you must be joking...Me????' - I told her that the posse adored her and everything she stood for on the forum... She asked 'But what will I say' - I told her just to be herself...
You could literally see her pulling herself together as she went over to the posse who were gathered together...
I know this was very special to Jackie to have a group of people that talked about her, and appreciated her, people that she did not really know... just from what she wrote...
Hence, I quite often referred to her in he diner as 'THE HALLOWED PAINTED SHOES...'
What a sweet post, Zudos. Yes, it's true. We'd even call Jackie from time to time when we were all together and put her on the speakerphone. I think sometimes we may have called a little too late at night, but Jackie was always up for a chat! I'm just sorry Jackie never had a chance to visit with the Posse again out here in LA - I know we would have all had a blast.
She was a real "Den Mother" for the Forum, and a lot of people are gonna miss her. :(
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WHO CAN SAY IF I'VE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER?
I DO BELIEVE I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER
AND BECAUSE I KNEW YOU...
I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR GOOD.
Trinky, my Trink, this is so beautiful.
:'(
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I can just imagine Jackie arriving in heaven, and seeing Heath there, her jaw dropping, her head going back in surprise, her hand flying to her heart, "Oh, honey, what are you doing here?"
you know, this image is the only small measure of comfort I am taking in this sad week.
Well, that and knowing that Jackie did begin to believe how loved and cherished she was here.
beyond that words fail me....
Thanks for all the photos Wayne
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Another long lost DCer checking in, belatedly, to exclaim about Jackie's kind and sweet soul. I definitely received one of her patented "Welcome" PMs, and wish now that I had saved it in the great PM purge to save the forum. But I don't need to read it again to remember how special it made me feel. We didn't speak often, but Jackie would occasionally PM and it was always a delight. My sincerest condolences to all of you who knew her better and who will miss her so. And thanks for sharing all your memories. It helps to smile through the tears.
-
Forgive the brief homily, the short personal anecdote, but there is a purpose.
When I was training for the [Anglican] priesthood at theological college in Scotland, we learnt early on from our professor of homiletics (the art of composing and delivering homilies/sermons), a couple of very important points always to remember.
Never, never preach longer than 12 minutes (the attention span of the average parishioner), he said.
Stand up, say what you have to say, get to the point, shut up and sit down.
The longest sermon ever I preached lasted 6 minutes, 2 seconds exactly. The shortest, 2 minutes exactly.
The best sermon ever I preached was also the shortest, in which sermon I likened the interconnected life we all share to a massive, intricate, silky, lovely spider's web. Whenever one touches the spider's web, at any point, that touch sets the entire web a-tremble. We never know in what faraway time and place our touch will be felt.
Jackie's touch was not only in immediate time and place, but her touch will be felt in faraway times and faraway places. I hope that she knew the importance of her touch. We certainly do.
It is my fondest hope to communicate, in some way, to her family just how wide-ranging and love-giving and life-giving her touch has been, and will continue to be in all those faraway times and places.
I love you forever, Jackie, my heart.
Malcolm
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I'm Jenny, former au pair of Paula. ... snip
I just wanted you to know that her passion about the movie, the forum and all the people she got to know ther even reached Germany and I'm glad that I got to know her and I'm glad that all of you made her happy and she made you happy as well!
hugs from overseas
Thank you for coming!
love is indeed a force of nature... awesome,
jenny, thank you for sharing.
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WHO CAN SAY IF I'VE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER?
I DO BELIEVE I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER
AND BECAUSE I KNEW YOU...
I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR GOOD.
I'm sorry but I just have to quote this post again. It is expressing everything I feel and more.
Thankyou.
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http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=26918.msg1154926#msg1154926
Look at reply #2377-done by Twist and Shout
I hope it brings comfort and maybe even a smile...... :-*
Oh lord. That one really got me. :'( :'( :'(
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Malcolm.....your post was beautiful... :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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OK, its finished.
Here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVB8_uV5_9M
This is for you, Jackie. I love you.
What a beautiful tribute, Nick... Thank you for that.
-
OK, its finished.
Here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVB8_uV5_9M
This is for you, Jackie. I love you.
Thank you so much, Nick.
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OK, its finished.
Here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVB8_uV5_9M
This is for you, Jackie. I love you.
What a beautiful tribute, Nick... Thank you for that.
I just saw this.... :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(...thank you Nick :-*
-
*snip*
I wish I had known her better. I wish we all could have known her longer.
Amen.
-
on 15 th December, we sent emails back and forth. I asked her if she realized how loved she was. She answered:
"No, darling, I don't think I have ever understood it. But I am now beginning to see it, and it is totally overwhelming...and frightening... and wonderful."
It was only six weeks ago.
-
During those saddest days of my life, when I couldn't even imagine going on, it was Jackie who sustained me. There were PMs every day, sometimes two or three a day, for weeks. That was her heart, who she was. Please, someone who's going to Maryland, go for me too.
Paul
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on 15 th December, we sent emails back and forth. I asked her if she realized how loved she was. She answered:
"No, darling, I don't think I have ever understood it. But I am now beginning to see it, and it is totally overwhelming...and frightening... and wonderful."
It was only six weeks ago.
How wonderful Jari, and also how sad that she could only just see it after so long.
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This is the only picture I have of myself with Jackie, inside her apartment six months ago. Apologies to whoever took the picture (I think it was Fritz).
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi199.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Faa298%2Fdejavu91%2FJackieluncheon13.jpg&hash=6eaa7402dc1c0fda93057d8d5c08cd35122dc84c)
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During those saddest days of my life, when I couldn't even imagine going on, it was Jackie who sustained me. There were PMs every day, sometimes two or three a day, for weeks. That was her heart, who she was. Please, someone who's going to Maryland, go for me too.
Paul
That most definitely will happen. David
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on 15 th December, we sent emails back and forth. I asked her if she realized how loved she was. She answered:
"No, darling, I don't think I have ever understood it. But I am now beginning to see it, and it is totally overwhelming...and frightening... and wonderful."
It was only six weeks ago.
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
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just beautiful, Neil..........
Hugs around the diner
Tears around the world
For love and friendship freely given
And kindnesses untold.
A legacy of laughter
A thing we cannot lose
We are richer far for knowing you
Darling Jackie, Paintedshoes
Love always
N.
XXX
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Jackie was a Nice Lady.
Needy at times.
Very lonely. Increasingly, as she once told me, prone to sadness: 'I would find myself nowhere, feeling nothing'
Then she saw Brokeback Mountain and found us all. Her needs were met by helping her friends on the Forum. Her loneliness was assuaged by being with the people she met here; people all over the word called her 'friend'. THEIR loneliness was lessened because they knew Jackie and knew she 'meant it'.
Jackie was a nice lady. Up at Estes, she told me something I never forgot:
"I want a world safe for Jack"
She did what she could to make that world safe for Jack. She did what she could to lessen others' loneliness. She did what she could to be the best FRIEND she could, to anyone, regardless of who and what they were, regardless of where they came from, regardless of what they had or did not have.
Jackie did the best she could, and that is the best thing one can say about anyone.
She will be missed. Now and later, she will be missed.
-
Linda (Killersmom) is gonna post some of my photos from Colorado that include the day Jackie, Becka, janiceinla and I drove up to the visiters' center in The Rocky Mountain National Park.
We were something! Beckla bellowing (ooops... singing) to us over her own carioca tapes. Janiceinla hiding on the floor as the car kissed the abyss along the road. Jackie poking vigorously with her cane at any ice pile that dared get in her way. All of us out of breath from the altitude. Had our eyes out for Ennis and Jack along the ridges. Only herds were cars.
Jackie sure owned the world that day. She sure owned us!
-
(((((((((Jack)))))))))))))) and (((((((((((((((((((Larry)))))))))))))))))))))
Beautiful posts. Thank you.
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(((((Larry)))))
I had to smile at your post. I remember how much fun we had that day, even though the edges we freaking me out somewhat. :-\ ;) I think I managed quite well under the circumstances. :-[ Beckla's driving was wonderful. There's no way I could ever have driven up that mountain. :o ;D Remember when we saw those guys riding their bikes and all did a double-take to see if it was Jake and Lance Armstrong. 8) :D Wonderful memories of Jackie. Thank you. I'm looking forward to seeing your pictures.
Janice
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Oh Janice, that must have been hilarious!
-
Forgive the brief homily, the short personal anecdote, but there is a purpose.
When I was training for the [Anglican] priesthood at theological college in Scotland, we learnt early on from our professor of homiletics (the art of composing and delivering homilies/sermons), a couple of very important points always to remember.
Never, never preach longer than 12 minutes (the attention span of the average parishioner), he said.
Stand up, say what you have to say, get to the point, shut up and sit down.
The longest sermon ever I preached lasted 6 minutes, 2 seconds exactly. The shortest, 2 minutes exactly.
The best sermon ever I preached was also the shortest, in which sermon I likened the interconnected life we all share to a massive, intricate, silky, lovely spider's web. Whenever one touches the spider's web, at any point, that touch sets the entire web a-tremble. We never know in what faraway time and place our touch will be felt.
Jackie's touch was not only in immediate time and place, but her touch will be felt in faraway times and faraway places. I hope that she knew the importance of her touch. We certainly do.
It is my fondest hope to communicate, in some way, to her family just how wide-ranging and love-giving and life-giving her touch has been, and will continue to be in all those faraway times and places.
I love you forever, Jackie, my heart.
Malcolm
Malcolm, that was wonderfully said. And it is true that Jackie's passing from this world to the next certainly has set the whole universal web a-tremble.
More tears.
-
Thank you Malcolm.
-
From the final movement of Symphony No. 2 by Gustav Mahler, the Resurrection:
Aufersteh'n, ja aufersteh'n
Wirst du, Mein Staub,
Nach kurzer Ruh'!
Unsterblich Leben! Unsterblich Leben
wird der dich rief dir geben!
Wieder aufzublüh'n wirst du gesät!
Der Herr der Ernte geht
und sammelt Garben
uns ein, die starben!
O glaube, mein Herz, o glaube:
Es geht dir nichts verloren!
Dein ist, ja dein, was du gesehnt!
Dein, was du geliebt,
Was du gestritten!
O glaube
Du wardst nicht umsonst geboren!
Hast nicht umsonst gelebt, gelitten!
Was entstanden ist
Das muß vergehen!
Was vergangen, auferstehen!
Hör' auf zu beben!
Bereite dich zu leben!
O Schmerz! Du Alldurchdringer!
Dir bin ich entrungen!
O Tod! Du Allbezwinger!
Nun bist du bezwungen!
Mit Flügeln, die ich mir errungen,
In heißem Liebesstreben,
Werd'ich entschweben
Zum Licht, zu dem kein Aug'gedrungen!
Mit Flügeln,die ich mir errungen
Werde ich entschweben.
Sterben werd'ich, um zu leben!
Aufersteh'n, ja aufersteh'n
wirst du, mein Herz, in einem Nu!
Was du geschlagen
zu Gott wird es dich tragen!
Rise again, yes, rise again,
Will you My dust,
After a brief rest!
Immortal life! Immortal life
Will He who called you, give you.
To bloom again were you created!
The Lord of the harvest goes
And gathers in, like sheaves,
Us together, who die.
O believe, my heart, O believe:
Nothing to you is lost!
Yours is, yes yours, is what you desired
Yours, what you have loved
What you have fought for!
O believe,
You were not born for nothing!
Have not for nothing, lived, suffered!
What was created
Must perish,
What perished, rise again!
Cease from trembling!
Prepare yourself to live!
O Pain, You piercer of all things,
From you, I have been wrested!
O Death, You masterer of all things,
Now, are you conquered!
With wings which I have won me,
In love’s fierce striving,
I shall soar upwards
To the light which no eye has penetrated!
Its wing that I won is expanded,
and I fly up.
Die shall I in order to live.
Rise again, yes, rise again,
Will you, my heart, in an instant!
That for which you suffered,
To God will it lead you.
Requiescas in pace, carissima Jackie.
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I just miss her so much. HOW can she not be here? :(
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(((((((((((((((((((((((((Di)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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hiya trinket
and fritz....way cool avatar
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Thanks, Jack! As you surely know, that was at Linda's place, and she's holding the horse that Ennis was carving in the tent in the rain while Jack was up with the sheep.
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Hi to both of you! I pop in now and then to check up on things here. It's nice to know I can join with others who understand.
:-* :-*
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well, I don't understand. It is at times like these that I have more questions than answers. :(
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she was just such a nice person.
I'm not given to poetry and pictures--hell, don't know HOW to vreate online pictures! But those who have done so have really done a nice job.
I like the idea of an avatar here. Especialy since all that I'd had on here was zapped when I quit the forum lol.
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A few more shots I found.....from Bay City. The last one was 5 minutes after I'd met her for the first time. Glad to have found this one.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi45.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff55%2Fmwruzzoli%2FBayCity079.jpg&hash=76552d081ea3a09ce4c46461743f4d0ef21a05ac)
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi45.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff55%2Fmwruzzoli%2FJackieFishingGear.jpg&hash=0d56d58c124d6a04c50be5a532fda806de9b898a)
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi45.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff55%2Fmwruzzoli%2FJackieMitch2.jpg&hash=aa89d1253e01710e9abce979e53fee8e69db7a34)
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Heidi, I'll call later---but I believe people have their time. When that's done, it's done. Her last years were really happy, don't forget that. She found all of us. We found her.
Think on what her life would have been like without BBM, and what it was after she found it. She had a purpose and happiness.
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At Jackie's place
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00608.jpg&hash=570ea9abc73affcb0b3652a302d845e2308b9441)
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I haven't seen Rodney - is his health such that he can even be with us? Or has something happened to him and I don't know about it...
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((((((Mitch))))))
Love the pictures. Thanks for sharing them.
Janice
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This is a picture that Jackie took last spring when we were on a little trip. It's on the Eastern Shore of Maryland, a large house built before the Civil War and now abandoned. A friend of mine used to live there. She made it sepia.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FPICT0076a.jpg&hash=3a29434468589a669433160fd775fdc30e884e88)
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Heidi, Rodney knows about it, he was around yesterday, I think. His screen name is now RodneyWY, and he's living in Colorado now.
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Thanks fritz.
I bid you all a good night. I'll see you again over the next few days.
xoxo
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Bay City
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00800.jpg&hash=1c353824253ebe21d50db0887fc86d471919c471)
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00748.jpg&hash=8f3dcf0b80888ce224cae6f0d3fcb3322ef6fa90)
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00739.jpg&hash=269296f462046ca8904403e2813ff4a2050c6e78)
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At La Madeleine in Tysons Corner, VA
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FIMG_0238.jpg&hash=d4394458a00f0f751055da4a4f35e3f78bbe1881)
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FIMG_0236.jpg&hash=716c3bff83023ae7a9726fcdab8ce6cd8240faf8)
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FIMG_0223.jpg&hash=98e5e86936929e5bb4ba42e1dc772c6b3d37c3af)
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Thanksgiving weekend at Jackie's
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FIMG_0219.jpg&hash=82628e69e6a181bcb92d2ced657de5fc4fb9e16f)
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Iwas on the phone...
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FIMG_0211.jpg&hash=7d366df1754d8c3ed00c44035dfba91c0a6ec9d0)
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FIMG_0209.jpg&hash=d586155e3d248ac39cd3cf300d37d01950333834)
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Fritz, you are so lucky that you lived so close to Jackie and were able to get together with her so often. That said, I will be forever grateful for Estes Park.
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00516-1.jpg&hash=81cd99590c834034bfe7bf21b213f86d139ca3c6)
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00748.jpg&hash=8f3dcf0b80888ce224cae6f0d3fcb3322ef6fa90)
OMG! Thank you fritz! :'( :-* :)
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THIS was at La Madeleine, now I'm not sure where those other ones were taken.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00504-1.jpg&hash=1da66797b14fde651883c8d46c5189b6f70f8912)
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00497-1.jpg&hash=178a3348bf136bc80453cdd7533dfa696e01c600)
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At the Hard Times Cafe in Arlington
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00491-1.jpg&hash=937465877d93fc9aa672d550c36d087156aa8c3d)
I'm only now beginning to realize and remember that we did get together a fair amount, for which I am very grateful. And yet, never enough.
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00487-1.jpg&hash=7e00b4157ab83d0ffdbf5c0095223c707c04e72e)
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Fritz...thanks for these pics. Like Brad said - she's always smiling.
terry
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00483-1.jpg&hash=8fc2b6ddbe8ed90f5364d90e615deb6d70073557)
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At our house
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FJackieOrangyFritzEarl2.jpg&hash=d8648303cbedcb75b2b8b28dbc7a0d6c14e32330)
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At Linda's
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00488.jpg&hash=20157553eeb332d29b9ceb68cdc13d4afd27d2cd)
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00489.jpg&hash=c429e46008f578f2ba56f107ff031d2b23e9fe8b)
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00476.jpg&hash=c69686dd0663b73735e5df51ea3faa93a88fd9fe)
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00426.jpg&hash=b224a24af75cd5242432a467c2ffa43a98966313)
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Her smile was infectious, her laughter delightful and her hugs oh so very wonderful.......... :'(
Loving all the pictures, ((((everyone))))
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00425.jpg&hash=d32c7e4a72e76dcdbe683904d49c22ad925580f0)
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I love looking at all of these marvelous pictures of you all. Thanks for posting them.
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00350.jpg&hash=d3e067e4b16cccdadebefd0a8e176bd7eb310c35)
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(((Terry)))
I remember that Christmas shop in Estes Park. When Jackie saw those western ornaments, she just had to get them for your tree. She spoke of your first meeting and instant connection. It was easy to tell how much you meant to her.
Janice
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At home, before the BBQ
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC07074.jpg&hash=82f25ada595882c9edf2a98f636b4a76b6944347)
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC07072.jpg&hash=c7c3d16d5e3bed9b20927253762d189e59cc41f5)
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Just want to express my sincere condolences to the family and friends of Jackie. Although I didn't know her, it was always evident from reading her posts that she was a very sweet and caring person. This world, especially today, is always in need of people with those attributes. May the memories of the good times you had together provide you a measure of comfort and happiness at this difficult time.
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00748.jpg&hash=8f3dcf0b80888ce224cae6f0d3fcb3322ef6fa90)
OMG! Thank you fritz! :'( :-* :)
OMG!!! Thank you fritz!!! :) I didn't have this one...... :'(
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One final picture from the BBQ, which I have not posted before. Jackie did not forbid me to post it, but at the time I thought it was too overwhelming, at the moment when she held the shirts for the first time and realized what she was holding.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00486.jpg&hash=9873c6ef8441b059a7be783bb27a3653cb7cb9d0)
If anyone objects to seeing this picture, please let me know and I will delete it.
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But I can't leave a sad picture at the end.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC07068.jpg&hash=1d80c7db8edbcbaba8a069a2b28876f576789f78)
Thank you Jackie, for the gift of yourself to all of us.
I have faith that we shall meet again.
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I haven't seen Rodney - is his health such that he can even be with us? Or has something happened to him and I don't know about it...
Rodney is doing Just Fine!
His health is not the best but it's fine, we'll get you the number.
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One day Jackie and I were chatting in the diner. She had just baked a bunch of oatmeal raisin cookies.
I mentioned they sounded yummy. A week later the postman left me a package- Jackie's cookies.
We lived on opposite sides of the country, never met, never talked in RL. But that was Jackie. She
had love and a selfless kindness that had no use for boundaries.
Jackie was one of the beating hearts of this forum, part of the daily pulse that kept this spot a warm
and welcoming place for all.
I'll miss you, honey. Kiss Heath for me. :-*
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((((((((((((((((((((((((Rick))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Wonderful to see you again.
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Another one I found.....us visiting Fritz at his work.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi99.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fl309%2FLennyD51%2FDC%2520Forum%2FWashington%2FWashingtonD.jpg&hash=bf58f3d0be535edecf18473f3571eaab507ed87d)
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Great seeing y'all wearing your badges, Lenny! :-* :-* :-*
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One final picture from the BBQ, which I have not posted before. Jackie did not forbid me to post it, but at the time I thought it was too overwhelming, at the moment when she held the shirts for the first time and realized what she was holding.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00486.jpg&hash=9873c6ef8441b059a7be783bb27a3653cb7cb9d0)
If anyone objects to seeing this picture, please let me know and I will delete it.
This should never be taken down. Annie Proulx's masterpiece gave our bud a new life, and her tears here are an expression of her humanity, of her faith in life. Blurred, out of focus, it is one of the loveliest photos here.
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Great seeing y'all wearing your badges, Lenny! :-* :-* :-*
Yeah, well, ol' what's-his-name wouldn't have let us in without them!! ;D
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What's up Lenny? Long time no see!
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One final picture from the BBQ, which I have not posted before. Jackie did not forbid me to post it, but at the time I thought it was too overwhelming, at the moment when she held the shirts for the first time and realized what she was holding.
Jackie, I swear ... :'( :-*
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What's up Lenny? Long time no see!
Hey Jack! Good to see you here......wished there would have been more time in Estes Park.....
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One final picture from the BBQ, which I have not posted before. Jackie did not forbid me to post it, but at the time I thought it was too overwhelming, at the moment when she held the shirts for the first time and realized what she was holding.
Jackie, I swear ... :'( :-*
((((((((((((((Maya))))))))))))))))))
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One final picture from the BBQ, which I have not posted before. Jackie did not forbid me to post it, but at the time I thought it was too overwhelming, at the moment when she held the shirts for the first time and realized what she was holding.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00486.jpg&hash=9873c6ef8441b059a7be783bb27a3653cb7cb9d0)
If anyone objects to seeing this picture, please let me know and I will delete it.
Thank you so much for this one (((Fritz))). It's a precious instant of time captured; portraying a dear soul who truly, honestly and completely got it and all that the shirts represented to her.
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Jackie, I swear ... :'( :-*
Maya, my heart.
Now I am really crying. And not for the first time.
I love the lovely and amazing lovelyamazing.
Malcolm
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Hello friends,
This is a very fast put together post I'm doing here...I spent a good wonderful while talking to Paula,Jackie's daughter-in-law just now....what a great lady...we talked as if we knew each other for years...but WAIT...I keep forgetting Jackie has told Paula all about us,so I guess she DOES know us...ha ha ha
Anyway....I can't believe that out of their kindness of their hearts,she and Mark,Jackie's son,want to get a head count of all the people who need a place to stay for the night at their house...they can sleep about 20 people comfortably but PLEASE don't let this stop anyone she said....if there are actually more that want to stay,please do...the more the merrier,she said. They have a nice basement with a bar and big screen TV...we can watch the movie together she said...anything we want...*sigh*...this is so surreal to me
ALSO....I need a HEAD COUNT of all the people who are attending Saturday's gathering at Jackie's apartment...she has a one bedroom apartment and even though many of us can fit there,she may have to take it downstairs in their lobby...and also, for catering purposes....
Can someone please take over this for me?....Adrian?....take this head count?....
I feel like I'm forgetting something...
Oh yes....there will be more said about this...but about the gathering for Jackie's ashes in Brokeback?..they are very much willing to wait until all the snow is gone...they want as many people from this Forum to attend ...June is fine with them..I believe it's pretty certain that they are also going to split the ashes and have them spread in London...a dream Jackie always wanted....since she couldn't make it to June's London gathering...now she can be at both places....*sigh*...I am very pumped and overwhelmed by all this....my heart is racing....and I know Jackie is jumping up and down with joy...the BEST part of this conversation?.....was hearing Paula say that she's doing this because she wants to meet the other side of the family..it's the only right thing to do..WE ARE FAMILY....*sigh*
Nellie
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Thank you for all your time and effort, Nildita carisima!
I'll be there, along with Earl, and Dave will be there too, I might be picking him up from the Metro if need be. Tommy has decided not to attend. So there will be 3 in my car, and of course we won't need a place to stay, obviously.
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((((((((((Fritz))))))))))
Thank you so much for all the wonderful photographs.
And thank you so much for posting Klopstock's "Auferstehn" from Mahler's Symphony No. 2. Good Lord, I was listening to "Resurrection" last night (twice) and again this morning. Almost too beautiful to have been written. You must have known.
O Tod! Du Allbezwinger!
Nun bist du bezwungen!
Indeed.
((((((((((Jackie)))))))))
Malcolm
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(((((Malcolm))))) (((((((Lenny))))) (((((((Glenn))))))) ((((((((Jack))))))) ((((((((Fritz)))))
(((((((((Nellie)))))) ((((((((Jackie))))))) (((((((((Friends)))))))
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Fritz, thanks for the pictures. Most of those I had not seen before. I was there when she burst into tears holding those shirts. But I did not know that moment was captured on film. Amazing. That exactly was her heart.
So, do I understand that the spreading of Jackie's ashes on Brokenback will coinside with the get-together that is planned for that month? Just wanna be sure so I can keep out the money needed from my tax return . . . I WILL BE THERE for that blessed event!! ;)
Nick
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One final picture from the BBQ, which I have not posted before. Jackie did not forbid me to post it, but at the time I thought it was too overwhelming, at the moment when she held the shirts for the first time and realized what she was holding.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00486.jpg&hash=9873c6ef8441b059a7be783bb27a3653cb7cb9d0)
If anyone objects to seeing this picture, please let me know and I will delete it.
This photo absolutely breaks my heart, I can't look at it without tearing up. Even though I was only on the forum briefly when BBM first came out, there are many screen-names I remember, and Jackie's was one of them. What a person, and what a wonderful group of people you are. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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This should never be taken down. Annie Proulx's masterpiece gave our bud a new life, and her tears here are an expression of her humanity, of her faith in life. Blurred, out of focus, it is one of the loveliest photos here.
I could not agree MORE, Jack. It's a beautiful picture of a person who felt all things deeply.
Have missed you! It's yet another opportunity-- about the tenth today-- to reflect upon how it takes a tragedy to bring us all together, but it's lovely to see that we all ARE together, that we treat each toher as family at such times, all of us. It's really lovely seeing so many people, Heidi and Carol, and Fritz, and johnbeene who probably doesn't even remember me from Colorado, and my wonderful Trink!!!, everyone, everyone, and new people to get to know! I wish so bad we were all in the same room together. I would love to hear your words all in your voices.
Fritz, do you have videos of Jackie by chance? I would love to hear her voice.
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This photo absolutely breaks my heart, I can't look at it without tearing up. Even though I was only on the forum briefly when BBM first came out, there are many screen-names I remember, and Jackie's was one of them. What a person, and what a wonderful group of people you are. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Exact the same comment as I would do.
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I believe it's pretty certain that they are also going to split the ashes and have them spread in London...a dream Jackie always wanted....since she couldn't make it to June's London gathering...now she can be at both places....
She'll be like Jack then: "Half the ashes interred here . . . half sent up with the folks." :-\
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the BEST part of this conversation?.....was hearing Paula say that she's doing this because she wants to meet the other side of the family..it's the only right thing to do..WE ARE FAMILY....*sigh*
I am speechless.
I am already determined to be there at Brokenback, no doubts, but I cannot be in Maryland :(
I think one of the saddest things about Brokeback Mountain was that Ennis was not an acknowledged mourner after Jack's death-- that no one told him, like he wasn't anyone, didn't have any relationship to Jack, when in truth, through distance and time, they were partners and soulmates.
Being acknowledged by Jackie's family like this as mourners is truly a blessing, a righting of a wrong that occurred for Ennis, but doesn't have to happen anymore.
Thank you so much Nellie for being an intermediary between the two sides of the family who have never met. You have been invaluable.
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z,
the thing i was thinking about was, in the hotel room that nite, you talking about staying with jackie - you were throwing it in our faces that you'd 'eaten at the painted dining table, slept in the painted guest bedroom, sat on the painted porch, and even sat on the painted sofa.' ripping good time.
sheesh - my first quote here - hope this works!
Meeting everyone at the San Antonio BBQ was an amazing experience...
I stayed at the Holiday Inn, where all the LA posse were too (Philip/Sparky/Dan/Scott/Lynn), and honoury members Jan and Ellen...
After the Friday evening Dan, who had a suite, invited us back to his room where we all sat chatted and I got to know the LA posse and they me... They absolutely LOVED Jackie, or as they said THE PAINTED SHOES... They had long chatted about her wonderful posts and love that she spread around the forum... I told them that when I arrived in he states I had stayed with Jackie, and they immediately asked me all kinds of details, 'Describe the Painted Shoes Home' 'What does the Painted Shoes eat for breakfast' etc etc... They had adored her from afar...
The mischevious side of me, of course told Jackie that some of the group idolised her, and that she should go and make a speech to them...!!!!
She looked at me in that confused way, and said 'Honey you must be joking...Me????' - I told her that the posse adored her and everything she stood for on the forum... She asked 'But what will I say' - I told her just to be herself...
You could literally see her pulling herself together as she went over to the posse who were gathered together...
I know this was very special to Jackie to have a group of people that talked about her, and appreciated her, people that she did not really know... just from what she wrote...
Hence, I quite often referred to her in he diner as 'THE HALLOWED PAINTED SHOES...'
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Hello friends,
Can someone please take over this for me?....Adrian?....take this head count?....
Nellie
Definitely. Anyone that is planning to attend this weekends Memorial for Jackie please just send me a really quick PM saying "going" or the likes and I'll get the number to Nellie by tomorrow afternoon. Thanks.
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Frankly, I haven't been able to go to the Forum because of Heath's death. And then to be able to come here and find that Jackie died, too, is very hard. I never knew her, never met her, never exchanged a PM with her. But I so much loved what she had to say. I will miss her contributions here very, very, very, much.
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I first came to this Forum through my writing and Jackie was one of my first encouragers, and we exchanged a few PMs back in the summer of '06. It tickled me to see her avatar as she looked like my toughest college writing teachers; I think she got a kick out of that when I told her.
Due to personal circumstances, I was never able to participate in any of the Forum get-togethers and so I never got to meet her in person, but I know she came to mean a great deal to a couple of the few members I did become close to, and generally seemed to be held in high regard by folks who otherwise seemed to have little in common, something that to me speaks highly of a person's character.
By last autumn, I had pretty much faded away from the Forum altogether, but, though it had been over a year since we had exchanged PMs, she still took the time to remember me and send me her good wishes for a happy Thanksgiving. It was a tough time for me, with a lot of family and health issues occupying my mind back then, often a couple weeks going by between me checking in here.
I'm ashamed to say Jackie's PM fell by the wayside and I never got around to responding. I had no idea she was even sick, and must of thought in the back of my head I'd get back to her when I made some more progress on that chapter I owed her. As it was I discovered the sad news of her passing too late, and purely by accident.
I will always bitterly regret not taking those few minutes to remember someone who had kindly remembered me, ironic considering what brought us here in the first place was a tale of regret and no second chances.
Dear Lady, I never knew you in this life, and now I never will. Forgive my stubborn pride. I know you would have and you do, and that makes it hurt all the more.
Rest in Peace.
AJ
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I just wanted to let everyone know that the forum is putting plans together to take contibutions to donate to The Washington Ear, reading the Washington Post for blind people to call in and hear the news each day. Jackie read for this organization for years. We will make it in memory of Jackie.
We are still in planning stages, but should have information to everyone by the weekend.
Thanks to all,
Linda/killersmom
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I'VE HEARD IT SAID
THAT PEOPLE COME INTO OUR LIVES FOR A REASON
BRINGING SOMETHING WE MUST LEARN
AND WE ARE LED
TO THOSE WHO HELP US MOST TO GROW
IF WE LET THEM
AND WE HELP THEM IN RETURN
WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF I BELIEVE THAT'S TRUE
BUT I KNOW I'M WHO I AM TODAY
BECAUSE I KNEW YOU...
LIKE A COMET PULLED FROM ORBIT
AS IT PASSES A SUN
LIKE A STREAM THAT MEETS A BOULDER
HALFWAY THROUGH THE WOOD
WHO CAN SAY IF I'VE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER?
BUT BECAUSE I KNEW YOU
I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR GOOD …
IT WELL MAY BE
THAT WE WILL NEVER MEET AGAIN
IN THIS LIFETIME
SO LET ME SAY BEFORE WE PART
SO MUCH OF ME
IS MADE OF WHAT I LEARNED FROM YOU
YOU'LL BE WITH ME
LIKE A HANDPRINT ON MY HEART
AND NOW WHATEVER WAY OUR STORIES END
I KNOW YOU HAVE RE-WRITTEN MINE
BY BEING MY FRIEND...
LIKE A SHIP BLOWN FROM ITS MOORING
BY A WIND OFF THE SEA
LIKE A SEED DROPPED BY A SKYBIRD
IN A DISTANT WOOD
WHO CAN SAY IF I'VE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER?
BUT BECAUSE I KNEW YOU...
WHO CAN SAY IF I'VE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER?
I DO BELIEVE I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER
AND BECAUSE I KNEW YOU...
I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR GOOD.
di, this was beautiful. it is my favorite song from wicked and it is so fitting for jackie
For Jackie, with love....
'TIL THEN
Goodbye
Is a word we promised not to say
I will have to find another way
It implies we'll never laugh and play as we did everyday,
But oh,
I know that we will
I won't say goodbye
Farewell
Is too final to be apropo
And it doesn't say I miss you so
That I long to see your smiling face everytime, every place that I go
As I keep up with life's endless chase
I can't say farewell
Someday
When we've all found our shelter from the storm
When we've all found a haven safe and warm
Then I know time will find us
Together again
"'Til then"
Is a phrase that keeps your memory green
It anticipates some future scene
Where we once again will share the joy that you bring
Dear sweet friend, we will sing, we will dance
We will have a new chance
So I'll wait 'til then
Someday
When my sadness has finally ended
We will be as the good Lord intended
Faithful to my song and back where we belong
Together
'Til then, 'til then
We'll be together again
'Til then, 'til then
I'll wait forever and then
'Til then, 'til then
We'll be together again...
---Trish Sisson Soulen
trish, this was beautiful too. we will all be together again someday.
but for now jackie has heath and i am sure she is telling him about all the brokies and preparing him for when he gets to meet us all
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Hello to All,
This is my first time on the Forum. My name is Paula; you may already know who I am. I am Jackie's daughter-in-law, hence my sing-in name of "JackiesDIL". Unlike my sister, who posted yesterday, I've never been one for brevity, and I'm not the greatest wordsmith. So, I'm hoping that you can set aside a little of your time to read and endure what is to follow. I'm not sure exactly what other people have quoted me on, so some of this may seem redundant, but I wanted you to "hear" it straight from me.
I will probably never be able to express how much you all meant to Jackie. And I know that I could never repay the debt of gratitude I owe to all of you. Over the course of the last couple of years, I saw Jackie come alive. Her smile got broader; her eyes got brighter; her spirit got stronger-- all because of you. You gave her unconditional love and acceptance. All of her life, she'd been caring for other people, putting other people before herself. You finally enabled her to do things for herself. You provided her with an opportunity to get to know herself, really get to know herself. You showed her that she was worth loving. She would beam when she spoke about all of you. I've heard so many stories and so many names. I really feel like you're all part of my family, just that we haven't met in person.
A few months ago, before any of us knew that Jackie was sick, she and I were sitting on our front porch, just talking away. I noted that she looked like she was losing weight. She said that she was, and that her diet must have been working. I told her that she didn't need to lose an ounce; she was perfect just as she was. She told me that she knew I felt that way, but that most of her life she felt "invisible". She went on to explain that the typical reaction to her weight, the one she had become too familiar with, was to be ignored, talked around, and treated like she wasn't even there. My heart broke; I was fighting to hold back my tears. I told her, through my eyes-welling-up, sniffling voice, that she could never be invisible; she is beautiful in so many ways-- inside and out. Again, she told me that she knew I felt that way, but until she met all of you, she didn't believe it to be true. She said that she finally felt like she was gorgeous, and that she felt strong, and brave, and that she'd finally become the woman she'd wanted to be. She said that all of you gave her the encouragement to be herself, and by your acceptance, she came to believe that she was beautiful and gorgeous and worthwhile.
You are the best friends she's ever had. You gave her good times, good memories, and good feelings. You made her heart smile. You made the last years of her life, the best of her life. You gave her a peaceful death. She was loving, and she was loved, finally, in the way that she should've always been.
When she first starting coming into the Forum, I was thrilled. I was so happy that she was connecting, really connecting with people. She would go on and on about all of you, about your interests and histories. She loved getting to know all of you. I loved that she was making friends. During the time she took off work, Jackie's attention and time were definitely being split between her Forum friends and her family. It wasn't that she was depriving us. If ever we truly needed her, she would've dropped everything to help (even if her hair were on fire, and both of her legs were chopped off!). We were so accustomed to her not having a social life to work around, that we didn't know how to react. So, I talked about it with my husband, and we decided that we could look at it 2 ways: 1) That we should be upset, because Mom's got a social life now, and we might not be able to dump the kids on her for our "date night", OR 2) We should be happy, because Mom's got a social life now, and she's got friends. She's finally getting out and about, traveling, enjoying her life, and making her dreams come true. We chose to look at things with the latter attitude. And, that is why I reiterate what I said in the beginning of this post-- I owe you all a debt I can never repay. You enveloped someone so dear to me with your kindness and your love. Before she met all of you, she was living her life, going through the motions, not really living up to who she could be. After she met you, she became that woman; she blossomed. You see, you never took her FROM us at all. As it turned out, you gave her TO us.
I'm sure that Nellie has already let you know about our open doors. If you are able to attend the gathering on Saturday, Jan. 26th from 1-5pm, we would love to meet you. It is set to be at Jackie's apt. (I'm sure Joanne posted the address), but if the attendance is going to be large, then we will book a bigger place. If you need a place to stay, you're welcome to stay at our home with us. I know people usually extend these types of invitations in an empty way, kind of like how someone might say, "How ya doin'?" without ever really wanting to hear your actual response. This isn't one of those invitations. Really, we'd be honored to host you, and very fortunate to get to know you in person. There is no limit; the Fire Marshall isn't going to say that we're "beyond capacity". The more, the merrier, just like one big slumber party-- just the way Jackie would have wanted it. I've put Nellie in charge of getting a "head count" for both the "gathering" (for lack of a better term), and for the "sleepover". Please let her know asap if you're coming to either/both, so that we can make arrangements for things to be comfortable and suitable for everyone.
If you're not able to attend, we understand. We know that Jackie is in your hearts. We know that we're in your thoughts and prayers. We also understand that, in the real world, people can't always drop everything to fly across the world, country, state. Airfare's not free; bosses aren't always understanding with time off; children can't be shuffled off to 24-7 daycare; obligations still have to be met. Whether you're here or not, we know that you care, and Jackie does too. No matter what time of the year, whether it be this weekend, or October of 2012, our doors are open to you. Like I wrote earlier, I think of you all as part of my family that I know, I just never met in person. I know Nellie already told you that we know that Jackie would want her ashes to be on Brokeback Mountain. I know that there's been debate over which mountain? When to do it?, etc... Honestly, we figured that we'd ask for you, collectively, to decide which mountain- the movie mountain, or the one in Wyoming. We also know that she wanted so desperately to go to London in June. Nellie said that there is already a plan for some of the group to go to the mountain in late spring/early summer. Since the mountain is surely iced and snowed in right now, and since there's no "expiration date" on Jackie's ashes, I'm sure that she would be thrilled to be there when the already-scheduled trip is to take place. But, she would've been torn over which place to go-- the Mountain or London?? Well, she can go to both. We can have half of the ashes go to the Mountain, and the other half go to London. That way, she won't have to decide, and sacrifice one to attain the other. She can finally be two places at one time. Also, two separate groups of friends (and maybe some doubling-up) can be with her, and have a services for her, without having to travel to the other side of the globe to do so.
Well, I could go on and on, and on... I warned you about my lack of brevity; didn't I? I really do have to get to sleep. I haven't been getting much for the last week, and I don't think that I'll have too much of an opportunity to get much soon. I'd better take advantage of it, while both the kids are still in bed.
Hey, I just thought of something... Did I ever tell you how much you meant to Jackie?
Thank you all, and I hope that I will get to meet you all someday. I'm a virtual hug-machine! Good night to all-- Paula ;-)
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One final picture from the BBQ, which I have not posted before. Jackie did not forbid me to post it, but at the time I thought it was too overwhelming, at the moment when she held the shirts for the first time and realized what she was holding.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00486.jpg&hash=9873c6ef8441b059a7be783bb27a3653cb7cb9d0)
If anyone objects to seeing this picture, please let me know and I will delete it.
Geez, I remember that very moment. I was right there. That was somethin' else.
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That's a hell of a 1st post, Paula. Thanks so much for sharing that. I know how much that's gonna mean to a slew of folks around here. It's good to know Jackie got as much out of the forum as the forum got out of Jackie (and that's a lot).
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((((((((Paula)))))))))
I have no words to thank you.....No way I can be there......but believe I'm with you.
Your words mean so much!
Sweet dreams to you :-*
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Dearest Paula
I'm Jari (Boris) and we met in your kitchen on that day in August when my connecting flight to San Antonio left me stranded in Dulles and Jackie was kind and generous to pick me up and provide shelter for on e night. Next day we drove down to your home and I met you and your wonderful kids. mark was sleeping having been at work all night.
As much as it pains me, I am not able to attend this Saturday but i want to thank you for the invitation and opening your hearts and home for us. And you do know how much she loved you and how much she talked about you and how much your friendship has meant to her.
One of the things that made me most sad was that she never got to see Oxford. Splitting the ashes between UK and Brokenback Mountain tears me up. On behalf of us all in European Dayshift in Diner I wish to thank you for the opportunity to pay pour last respect to her.
She'll be with us in Oxford after all.
Thank you...
I'll call you later if I may.
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Hello to All,
I will probably never be able to express how much you all meant to Jackie. And I know that I could never repay the debt of gratitude I owe to all of you.
(((((Paula)))))) I am hugging you all the way from India - I want you to know that I owe Jackie a debt that I can never repay. Jackie was an elder sister to me and she gave me a wisdom that I could never have come by without her. Please take me as your own - I am there for you.
I'm sure that Nellie has already let you know about our open doors. If you are able to attend the gathering on Saturday, Jan. 26th from 1-5pm, we would love to meet you.
Paula I will be sure to be up(it will be night here) and join you all in spirit right from where I am.
Thank you for your beautiful message. Please stay with us on the forum - we want you.
Much love and God Bless
Maya
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My God, Paula.......stunned is an understatement. But 'thank you' will have to do. :-*
Lenny (New Orleans)
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Jadi,
Of course I remember you, no date/time stamp required. I'm so glad that you're healthy and, now that the flower-delivering holiday season is at all lull, able to enjoy some quality time with Petri. Wow!! Now I see how you can get sucked in to staying on the Forum for hours upon hours. I really do have to get to bed now, but you can call anytime. I gave Nellie my home and my mobile phone number, if you don't have it already. I presume that you and Wayne have talked ( I hope he's OK-- such a lovely man), as he has my numbers also. I look forward to talking with you.
Big hugs and kisses,
Paula ;-)
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Sleep well, Paula...
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Jari,
Please excuse the typo on your name-- I've got fat, chubby-stubby fingers, and I've been up for over 34 hours. Sorry, I promise to screw up one of the other letters next time!
Hugs & kisses,
Paula ;-)
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((((((Paula)))))) You are gracious beyond measure. But then, how could you not be.
Glenn
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((((((Paula)))))))
Your words I take into my heart. We were the ones blessed to have Jackie. You sent me a post card after Jackie came to visit me in my home almost 2 years ago. I still have it. Your words were wondeful then as now.
Thanks is not enough to you. Your thoughts are truly beautiful.
Great hugs to you,
Linda
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Jari,
Please excuse the typo on your name-- I've got fat, chubby-stubby fingers, and I've been up for over 34 hours. Sorry, I promise to screw up one of the other letters next time!
Hugs & kisses,
Paula ;-)
Sweetie... you should hear how people pronounce it...
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This is one of the saddest and most shocking news .... :( :(
Jackie, you were a sweet friend, a beutiful person, and I will miss you very very much.
:'(
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi161.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ft225%2Fdrogin_4god%2FGaleandme.jpg&hash=aef48bb3ef3beae076b4d58ab2717fe1aef7adfd)
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From Melissa........
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X3BcMcANQg
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(((((((((((Paula)))))))))))
I am way beyond words at this point. Just-- thank you, for everything.
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((((((Paula))))))
I'm at loss of words. No way I can be there on Saturday, but Jackie and all of you will be in my thoughts. Thank you for taking the time to write here, you're such a wonderful person.
Thank you for the bottom of my heart. I'll be in Oxford and Jackie will be with us...this is unbelievable.
Much love
Catia (from Rome, Italy)
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Paula
That was beautiful. There is an older man way down here in Australia just wishing he could have met Jackie in person and wishing he could be there on Saturday. You will be in my thoughts. Saturday is, of course, impossible but there was one crazy moment today when I wondered if I could find the funds to fly to Denver in 2 weeks. I could but as I have appointments the following week, I would have to fly straight home again and that would be ridiculous especially as I hate flying. Instead I will just have to continue looking forward to meeting some of the group in Europe in April/May and perhaps I can find the money to travel back and spend time in the USA in 2009. Nearly 2 years since I joined this forum and although I have hardly met any of you in RL, I feel you are all my friends. That is the magic of Brokeback.
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From Melissa........
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X3BcMcANQg
Oh God, thanks for posting this Glenn. I had been secretly grieving that there didn't seem to be a single picture of me with Jackie except two group shots where I was very far away from her. This video, though, had a beautiful picture where I'm nestled between Marakesh and Jackie in the Bay City cold. I will so treasure it.
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What sad, sad news. And to think I only found out about Jackie's illness two days ago, by chance, because of Heath Ledger's death. The word coincidence doesn't seem to quite do this justice.
My condolences to Jackie's family and her many friends on the board. I don't have the heart to go through this entire thread but I've already caught glimpses of jut how much this is going to affect so many of you. I am thinking of you all.
I wanted a place where I could leave record that I, like so many others, was touched by Jackie, by her kindness and thoughtfulness and generosity of spirit. I never met her but I will remember her very fondly as one of life's truly special individuals. How lucky I was that she came to my aid at the beginning of my Brokeback experience.
I also wanted to say: 'Goodbye Jackie. Rest in peace and thank you for your friendship'.
Mireia. X
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Oh God, thanks for posting this Glenn. I had been secretly grieving that there didn't seem to be a single picture of me with Jackie except two group shots where I was very far away from her. This video, though, had a beautiful picture where I'm nestled between Marakesh and Jackie in the Bay City cold. I will so treasure it.
It was meant to be (((Jess))).
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Hey Paula,
I am sitting here in floods of tears, but for the first time in a few days they are sad and happy tears...
What a wonderful post... And more than anything I am so glad to see that Jackie realised the love and friendship that she had... Of course she was always giving more...!!!!!
I love you more at the end of every conversation...
Its so wonderful to see you here... And I will see you and Mark again and hope to meet Joanne as well...
I can not make this weekend, so please all hug each other from me... :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
How are Mark and Joanne holding up...?
Thank you so much for making all of this possible... And for welcoming me into your home in July 2006...
Lots and lots of Love
Wayne
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And by the way Paula - You are doing what we all do... Say we are going to bed and then staying here.... :-* ;D
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I'm in tears too, Paula, and for a good reason at last.
I came to Washington from France in July to take my daughter to summer camp in Maryland. When Jackie heard I was coming and was going to rent a car for that day to take her to camp, she offered to drive us. I was simply overwhelmed by her generosity as she didn't know me in real life. During the drive up there she went on about dozens of forum members and I wondered if there was anyone here she didn't know. You confirmed for me what I suspected from listening to her, that she had had a lot of disappointments in life and had finally found a place to express herself safely and give of herself without judgement. She was absorbing all the love flooding back to her like a dry sponge. Finding this place was the miracle of her life, I think.
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PAULA,
Jesus Christ woman...............your post is "PRICELESS".....thank you so so much for doing this...words escape me now!!
But they well certainly come later!!!
((((Paula))))
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And by the way Paula - You are doing what we all do... Say we are going to bed and then staying here.... :-* ;D
Oh my God! It's happening already! OK- really... I'm going to bed now!!
Sweet dreams,
Paula ;-)
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Thank you so much for your words Paula... they go a long, long way.
I was looking forward so much to having Jackie stay with me here on the Isle of Wight after the Oxford meet.
I shall be there in spirit tomorrow as will everybody else who continue to marvel at 'our' Jackie. Your words have enlarged on our understanding and appreciation. My very best to you and the rest of the family.
Andy.
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And by the way Paula - You are doing what we all do... Say we are going to bed and then staying here.... :-* ;D
Oh my God! It's happening already! OK- really... I'm going to bed now!!
Sweet dreams,
Paula ;-)
Same to you darling...
Wayne
X
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And by the way Paula - You are doing what we all do... Say we are going to bed and then staying here.... :-* ;D
Oh my God! It's happening already! OK- really... I'm going to bed now!!
Sweet dreams,
Paula ;-)
BWAHahahaha...oh God....Paula..you're one of us now!!!!!!!!!!!!! it makes me sooooooo happy and Jackie is giggling right now,I just know it!!
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Paula - thank you so much for your wonderful words.
It means so much that so many of us this side of the Atlantic will be able to say a proper goodbye to Jackie.
Thank you.
Sarah, in England
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If you're not able to attend, we understand. We know that Jackie is in your hearts. We know that we're in your thoughts and prayers. We also understand that, in the real world, people can't always drop everything to fly across the world, country, state. Airfare's not free; bosses aren't always understanding with time off; children can't be shuffled off to 24-7 daycare; obligations still have to be met. Whether you're here or not, we know that you care, and Jackie does too. No matter what time of the year, whether it be this weekend, or October of 2012, our doors are open to you. Like I wrote earlier, I think of you all as part of my family that I know, I just never met in person. I know Nellie already told you that we know that Jackie would want her ashes to be on Brokeback Mountain. I know that there's been debate over which mountain? When to do it?, etc... Honestly, we figured that we'd ask for you, collectively, to decide which mountain- the movie mountain, or the one in Wyoming. We also know that she wanted so desperately to go to London in June. Nellie said that there is already a plan for some of the group to go to the mountain in late spring/early summer. Since the mountain is surely iced and snowed in right now, and since there's no "expiration date" on Jackie's ashes, I'm sure that she would be thrilled to be there when the already-scheduled trip is to take place. But, she would've been torn over which place to go-- the Mountain or London?? Well, she can go to both. We can have half of the ashes go to the Mountain, and the other half go to London. That way, she won't have to decide, and sacrifice one to attain the other. She can finally be two places at one time. Also, two separate groups of friends (and maybe some doubling-up) can be with her, and have a services for her, without having to travel to the other side of the globe to do so.
((((Paula)))),
i'll lit a candle for beloved Jackie this weekend. And i'm planning to be in London in June so i guess i'll "meet" her there since she so wanted to come in Europe and meet her friends from the other side of the Atlantic ocean.
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dear paula,
i read your lines this morning, and i'm in tears. i'm martina, from austria. i've never met jackie in person, i wasn't able to attend the US gatherings. this june would have been the first time jackie and i would have met in person. but that doesn't mean that we didn't "meet" - i can't count the numbers of hours we've chatted...they were so precious to me. like for so many others here, jackie was the older sister to me that i never had and always wished to have.
your graciousness is bigger than anything we could have hoped for..thank you from the depth of my heart.
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Paula, it's Brad. I cherish the patches and the t-shirts and our great conversation on the phone. I more than cherished Jackie, for she was the sister I never had. Thanks for that wonderful post. I, too, found smiles through the tears.
B
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I first came to this Forum through my writing and Jackie was one of my first encouragers, and we exchanged a few PMs back in the summer of '06. It tickled me to see her avatar as she looked like my toughest college writing teachers; I think she got a kick out of that when I told her.
Due to personal circumstances, I was never able to participate in any of the Forum get-togethers and so I never got to meet her in person, but I know she came to mean a great deal to a couple of the few members I did become close to, and generally seemed to be held in high regard by folks who otherwise seemed to have little in common, something that to me speaks highly of a person's character.
By last autumn, I had pretty much faded away from the Forum altogether, but, though it had been over a year since we had exchanged PMs, she still took the time to remember me and send me her good wishes for a happy Thanksgiving. It was a tough time for me, with a lot of family and health issues occupying my mind back then, often a couple weeks going by between me checking in here.
I'm ashamed to say Jackie's PM fell by the wayside and I never got around to responding. I had no idea she was even sick, and must of thought in the back of my head I'd get back to her when I made some more progress on that chapter I owed her. As it was I discovered the sad news of her passing too late, and purely by accident.
I will always bitterly regret not taking those few minutes to remember someone who had kindly remembered me, ironic considering what brought us here in the first place was a tale of regret and no second chances.
Dear Lady, I never knew you in this life, and now I never will. Forgive my stubborn pride. I know you would have and you do, and that makes it hurt all the more.
Rest in Peace.
AJ
It amazes me that Jackie impacted so many people everyone. You, friend, are a prince. Thanks AJ.
Brad
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Before she met all of you, she was living her life, going through the motions, not really living up to who she could be. After she met you, she became that woman; she blossomed. You see, you never took her FROM us at all. As it turned out, you gave her TO us.
Thank you Paula!
Now this train ride is starting to make sense.
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Before she met all of you, she was living her life, going through the motions, not really living up to who she could be. After she met you, she became that woman; she blossomed. You see, you never took her FROM us at all. As it turned out, you gave her TO us.
Thank you Paula!
Now this train ride is starting to make sense.
I will add my thanks to all the others, Paula! I never had the pleasure of meeting Jackie in person, but she touched me with her kindness here and I cherish that.
My thoughts are with you and your family at this time.....
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Thanks for that wonderful post Paula.
I was lucky enough to meet Jackie in Texas, we both stayed at Linda's house.
I cannot make the gathering on Saturday (although I really wish I could), but will be there in spirit.
Sal (in UK) ;D
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Thank you Paula!
My warmest thoughts are with you all!
Mia from Sweden.
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Paula
That was beautiful. There is an older man way down here in Australia just wishing he could have met Jackie in person and wishing he could be there on Saturday. You will be in my thoughts. Saturday is, of course, impossible but there was one crazy moment today when I wondered if I could find the funds to fly to Denver in 2 weeks. I could but as I have appointments the following week, I would have to fly straight home again and that would be ridiculous especially as I hate flying. Instead I will just have to continue looking forward to meeting some of the group in Europe in April/May and perhaps I can find the money to travel back and spend time in the USA in 2009. Nearly 2 years since I joined this forum and although I have hardly met any of you in RL, I feel you are all my friends. That is the magic of Brokeback.
We will soon be meeting each other, Brian. I'm looking forward to having a great talk - and of course reminiscing about Jackie.
:)
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Dear Paula,
Thank you for your wonderful post. I'd like to echo the words of others here - I'm so very, very happy to know that Jackie understood how much she was loved and cherished here. I'm sending you my warmest regards, deepest sympathies, hugs and much love during this very difficult time.
This forum isn't the same, and will never be the same, without her presence. I see the hole she has left every single day, but it's a tribute to her that her spirit lives on in all of the peopl here who love her and miss her very much. She changed my heart, for the better.
I wish I could be here this weekend, but being in Sweden makes it impossible. I will most definitely be at the Oxford gathering and I can't even begin to describe how touched I am that part of Jackie will be coming to us there. I only wish it could be in much better circumstances.
If I can be of any help with anything, please be sure to contact me.
With warmest regards,
Marleen
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Paula thank you so much for your post. it made me cry and smile at the same time
jackie was the first of our forum i saw when i arrived in texas and i`m so glad i took the opportunit to talk to her right before new years eve. She was very tired and we only talked for a couple of minutes. But to know that i told her one more time how much i loved her and cared for her is giving me faith now.
There1s no way i could make it from the netherlands this weekend, but you guys are so sweet to do all this for us and jackie!!
I will be in Oxford this summer and was so thrilled to hear that part of er ashes will be there then too and so will she!
hugs
conny
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Paula:
Even though many of us have come to know each other well,
and some of us even met each other at one time or another, it
is not a usual occurrence meeting each other's extended family or reading
a wonderful post such as yours.
Let me assure you that all the posts you have read regarding Jackie are
true and from very touched hearts. She has left a lasting impression on
not only those she met personally, but as you can see, members of this Forum
who only knew of her.
I know you and the rest of your family are very proud of her
and her ability to reach out to many of us literally across the world.
What bigger accomplishment can that be? . . . and it's the most
each of us could wish to accomplish in our own lifetimes.
Please accept my condolenses and extend them to the rest of your
family. Remind them of how much joy she brought to many of us,
and how happy she really was to the end.
gerry (cabin)
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One final picture from the BBQ, which I have not posted before. Jackie did not forbid me to post it, but at the time I thought it was too overwhelming, at the moment when she held the shirts for the first time and realized what she was holding.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00486.jpg&hash=9873c6ef8441b059a7be783bb27a3653cb7cb9d0)
If anyone objects to seeing this picture, please let me know and I will delete it.
I keep looking at this picture....and I want to scream....let out a big cry....
I LOVE YOU JACKIE!!!!!! and I'll be at your place tomorrow....feeling your vibes....feeling your soul...loving your family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
your "hermana"
Nellie :-*
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Paula,
Your words are moving and strong. Thanks for your's and Mark's willingness to embrace Jackie's new social life and new family these last couple of years.
How could it not have been a source of some concern to you? However, you got to witness the wonderful change in your mother-in-law, see the pride and self-confidence grow in her. With that, you knew she was happy and in good hands.
I first met her in DC, had taken my nephew for a trip, and Jackie was determined to meet. We settled upon the National Gallery of Art, one of her favorite places, she said. It was immediate, the feelings of instant connection and her obvious care for others. I'll not set foot in that building again without remembering the best piece of 'art' I found there.
At the BBQ, we got to meet again, laugh, joke and share time - and it was great. The this past Spring, she and Marc came through town on their way to Denver, and once again, a heartfelt lunch and visit. She wanted to see where I lived and we were able to get a picture or two taken here. They are treasures.
Not to mention the cd's and of course the Christmas tree cowboy ornaments (Janice, you remembered them too). And the untold emails and phone calls.
The speed of all this makes my head spin. Yet I stubbornly buck up and go forward with the joy that I got to know her. And for that, I'm very lucky. Thanks for sharing her. My condolenses to you and the family.
Rest well Sweet Jaclyn.
terry
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The picture of Jackie and the shirts should stay.
It's how we all feel about the shirts and that scene in the movie (despite the "febreeze" photocap in the caption thread!!).
It's how we all feel now about Jackie being gone. All we are left with are these precious recollections and memories and pictures. She touched everyone she met.
Heidi
Does anyone have a large picture file of the "painted shoes" picture? That was Jackie's avatar when she first joined the forum. I remember her telling the story of the painting and how those of us gathered that day were in tears over the story. (well, I was anyway. lol.)
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((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((PAULA)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Reading your post - what a beautiful way to begin this day. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
With love,
Trish
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Hello friends,
I wanted to throw this "out there"...
Another part of the conversation I had with Paula yesterday....she was mentioning to me about how her family was looking at this thread...pictures...all sorts and they were going to print all 80+ pages....I said WAIT
I thought I heard one of you guys mentioning how great it would be if we can get together a book of some sorts...or just make copies and get something together for Jackie's family...I think this would be the least we can do for her kindness and gratitude we all have for them....a little something to "give" from us.......
((((hugs))))
your amiga
Nellie
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((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((PAULA)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Reading your post - what a beautiful way to begin this day. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
With love,
Trish
what she said^^
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One day Jackie and I were chatting in the diner. She had just baked a bunch of oatmeal raisin cookies.
I mentioned they sounded yummy. A week later the postman left me a package- Jackie's cookies.
We lived on opposite sides of the country, never met, never talked in RL. But that was Jackie. She
had love and a selfless kindness that had no use for boundaries.
Jackie was one of the beating hearts of this forum, part of the daily pulse that kept this spot a warm
and welcoming place for all.
I'll miss you, honey. Kiss Heath for me. :-*
I remember that....
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One day Jackie and I were chatting in the diner. She had just baked a bunch of oatmeal raisin cookies.
I mentioned they sounded yummy. A week later the postman left me a package- Jackie's cookies.
We lived on opposite sides of the country, never met, never talked in RL. But that was Jackie. She
had love and a selfless kindness that had no use for boundaries.
Jackie was one of the beating hearts of this forum, part of the daily pulse that kept this spot a warm
and welcoming place for all.
I'll miss you, honey. Kiss Heath for me. :-*
I remember that....
Me too...
-
Dearest Paula-
Your post has me in tears. Thank you for sharing with us.
Jackie spoke of you often. She loved you beyond words and
she knew you loved her. She said the day you came into
their lives was such a blessing.
I loved her too. Her wit, generosity, caring, loving ways made
me love her right away. I am so lucky to have known her.
She had me to her home and I saw the "paintedshoes"
in person. She had pictures of her family and she treasured
them.
I see all her friends here. She spoke of all of you
and she truly knew she was beloved. What a gift she gave
us and we were able to give in return.
I cannot be there this weekend, but I will be in spirit.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and all of your
family as welll as Jackie's extended Brokeback family.
We are better for having known her.
Much love,
Jenny
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One day Jackie and I were chatting in the diner. She had just baked a bunch of oatmeal raisin cookies.
I mentioned they sounded yummy. A week later the postman left me a package- Jackie's cookies.
We lived on opposite sides of the country, never met, never talked in RL. But that was Jackie. She
had love and a selfless kindness that had no use for boundaries.
Jackie was one of the beating hearts of this forum, part of the daily pulse that kept this spot a warm
and welcoming place for all.
I'll miss you, honey. Kiss Heath for me. :-*
I remember that....
Me too...
. . . and me . . . (I wonder how many packages she sent out). They sure were good. I remember we always discussed what was for dinner and she would always rave about what I was having.
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Actually, printing out these pages and make a book out of them sounds a good idea to me. Here's the first reaction, the memories, anecdotes and laughter and some of the best pictures of Jackie ever.
We might put a book together, but I doubt it would be better than this. And it's kind of fitting tribute that it should be in form of forum pages. After all, that was the medium through with we all grew to know and love her.
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I want to share a little example of how generous Jackie was.
When I was visiting her, she showed me some of her
Brokeback treasures. She had keepsakes and whatnot
from the Texas BBQ. One was a can of Bettermost beans
which I had not seen before. I admired it and that was that.
As I was leaving the next day, she pulled me aside and handed
me a can and said to put it in my suitcase. She said she had an
extra and she knew there was a reason she got two....
Man. I cried. And I treasure that can as only a Brokie
can do, but for the way it came to me as well.
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Just before Jackie went into hospital, I was out for a curry with Marc and Jari... And we really wanted to talk to Jackie... So we called to see if she would be around when we got home for a quick skype chat... She said she would be and I reminded her to make sure her hair was done...
We got back, and of course had a couple of beers, to wash the curry down you understand, and we had a webcam chat, albeit quick as she was not feeling great...
Her smile on the screen was huge, and even though she was obviously in pain we all chatted for a few minutes, and I asked her if she had done her hair... A quick cheeky smile and a swirl later, and I could see it all wrapped up in a pin in the back of her head...
She loved it...
Joanne was there and I asked if she wanted to come and say hi... Jackie said no as she had not done her hair yet...
Of course I perfectly understood.....
So glad she got to see the three of us together, laughing and being silly... I guess that was her last glimpse into a Brokie reunion...
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Hello friends,
I wanted to throw this "out there"...
Another part of the conversation I had with Paula yesterday....she was mentioning to me about how her family was looking at this thread...pictures...all sorts and they were going to print all 80+ pages....I said WAIT
I thought I heard one of you guys mentioning how great it would be if we can get together a book of some sorts...or just make copies and get something together for Jackie's family...I think this would be the least we can do for her kindness and gratitude we all have for them....a little something to "give" from us.......
((((hugs))))
your amiga
Nellie
Almost anyone with the time and inclination can produce and have a book printed for next to no money at sites like http://www.lulu.com and http://www.blurb.com
It's very simple nowadays.
just a thought
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I wanted to post a story which demonstrates Jackie's strength of character and always knowing how to deal with a sticky situation, and humility... But its a bit prickly in places so let the reader beware...
Its important that I explain where I was personally when travelling to USA in 2006
1) Had first relationship with a guy who became an Ennis - 2005
2) Due to our closeness he kinda backed off to his wife
3) Brokeback.... :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
4) Support through forum and learning how to joke and admire guys on the internet, but no one in real life knew what I was doing or how I felt.
When I went to Washington I had only met Sarah (BBMBLISS) for one day, and was the only person to know what I had been through and had met face to face... and felt like a part of my real life...
Jackie and I had a great day at Solomons Island and she had already mentioned that she wanted us to call in and see her son and DIL and grandchildren on the way back... I said no problems...
When we were in the car on our way to their house, she said that if they asked I had to say that I was gay. I said that I did not have a label and at best I was bisexual. Jackie said that so, it would be best, as her family were not yet sure about the forum, and would be worried if they knew she had a bi man staying at her house, who she met for the first time the day before aside from an internet relationship...
I said OK but was really uncomfortable... Anyway we went in, and it was great to meet Paula and Jenny who were so welcoming... And then Paula got a local guide and passed it to me, and said something about gay Washington, because you are gay right... I said yes, and went bright red... Of course Paula's intentions were to show me something that she thought I would want to know about Washington... She is Jackie's DIL after all, and the same qualities flow... So it was me being silly and not knowing who or what I was at the time...
Jackie and I spoke after we left....And she apologised for putting me in that situation... I do not think at the time I was that charitable about it... I felt very confused...
We still thoroughly enjoyed the rest of our trip together, and when Jackie arrived in San Antonio, I was so glad to be there to meet her at the airport... After we had hugged and got into the truck, she said there was something she needed to talk to me about (after gushing of course about Jari having a stop - over - Think of that Wayne, she said, I was Jari's saviour, and then giggled like in a girly way), and then she said she appreciated how difficult it had been for me and that she had already spoken to Paula and explained...
I tell you all this because it really shows the size of Jackie's heart... And her humility and willing to put everyone else ahead of herself...
Now I feel foolish to have ever felt bad about this, as our friendship really grew from that point into a wonderful two way sharing of experience and life... I was on a new journey and so was she...
Also in Washington when we were on the subway, she suddenly said something to me about the architecture over there... Well I was astounded as could not see anything that interesting about the architecture on the subway... When we got off she explained that architecture was pointing out a good looking guy... I said that it was inappropriate to talk that way... In other words I was not used to it... Jackie just had that all knowing grin on her face...
In 2007 when we met in New York and I had time to accept that by liking boys as well as girls the vista was more pleasant and varied...! We had a blast spotting all the architecture in NYC...
She grew with me, and alongside me, and at my pace, and put up with my flouncing in between....
And to have seen the growth in her too was amazing... So much more expressive and accepting and relishing everything... I remember sitting on the roof of the Hotel Gansevoort sharing a G&T, and we were laughing and having a chat, and she pointed out some of the architecture walking by... AND boy was she right... It was supurb ;D
Not often in life do you find people that really believe in you, and are willing so willing to overlook your failings and cover them in love... Jackie was one such person, and her passing has left a huge gap in my life... I was not ready for the gap being this big... So I hope and pray that she knew how much she meant to me... And I will certainly honour the responsibility of making sure her England ashes are spread in a way befitting her...
I hope you are all OK and prepared to indulge me with these stories... For its all about Jackie's warm and loving heart, strength and wisdom that I tell them...
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....Not often in life do you find people that really believe in you, and are willing so willing to overlook your failings and cover them in love... Jackie was one such person, and her passing has left a huge gap in my life... I was not ready for the gap being this big... So I hope and pray that she knew how much she meant to me... And I will certainly honour the responsibility of making sure her England ashes are spread in a way befitting her...
I hope you are all OK and prepared to indulge me with these stories... For its all about Jackie's warm and loving heart, strength and wisdom that I tell them...
Thanks for posting this.
Jackie accepted and loved you for being you, flaws and all. That was her gift with all of us.
You shouldn't be too hard on yourself. None of us are perfect, and we have all had to adjust to being the real person inside ourselves that BBM uncovered.
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i'm not sure i'm ready to talk about that yet...or ever...but wayne told us such beautiful stories - thank you wayne !
so, maybe just a couple of words from me as well: one thing that came up so often when jackie and i talked, was that we found it incredible that we could be so different outwardly, but so similar inside. it is why we started calling each other "sister" in the first place. our lifes "from the outside" might have been very different, but inside we had so many things in common - insecurities, fears, but also hopes and dreams.
jackie has the incredible talent of looking behind the facade, behind the outside layers - straight into your heart. she is able to take people as they really are....and this made me simply fall in love with her.
she'll be one of the brightest stars in my sky till the end of my days...
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi61.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh55%2Fdesertrat77%2Flandscapes%2Fstarsky.jpg&hash=8fd66aa0938f1d520b18ac7d296dbd78181cab40)
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I thought this appropriate to post here, and I have Waynes permission to do so. A very recent exchange of PM's between Wayne and myself!!
From Sal to Wayne
I'm smiling so far today - decided not to cry, but the vodka bottle got put in the freezer at 5.30am this morning - I may do my fair share later this evening!
Chin up and all that - I'm trying for Jackies sake - could you imagine what she would say if she saw us all crying...........??
Sal
Waynes reply
Indeed... hehehe
'Now you know I love you BUT pull yourself together Wayne' - I can hear it in my head right now...
W
X
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Great post Martina... Thanks :) :-*
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And Sal, thanks too... And I really can hear her saying it.... :-*
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And Sal, thanks too... And I really can hear her saying it.... :-*
Yep me too!
Sal :-*
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Great post Martina... Thanks :) :-*
thank you for listening... :-*
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Great post Martina... Thanks :) :-*
thank you for listening... :-*
Always sweetheart... :-*
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Yes, Martina....
Every morning I look up at the sky at 5 AM while I walk out to work and think of my Brokeback friends...I make wishes for them,I used to think how much of a dork I was for doing such silly things...but I always had a special star for Jackie..."mi hermana" star.....it isn't silly for me any more now...it has a special meaning more so now.
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This should never be taken down. Annie Proulx's masterpiece gave our bud a new life, and her tears here are an expression of her humanity, of her faith in life. Blurred, out of focus, it is one of the loveliest photos here.
I could not agree MORE, Jack. It's a beautiful picture of a person who felt all things deeply.
Have missed you! It's yet another opportunity-- about the tenth today-- to reflect upon how it takes a tragedy to bring us all together, but it's lovely to see that we all ARE together, that we treat each toher as family at such times, all of us. It's really lovely seeing so many people, Heidi and Carol, and Fritz, and johnbeene who probably doesn't even remember me from Colorado, and my wonderful Trink!!!, everyone, everyone, and new people to get to know! I wish so bad we were all in the same room together. I would love to hear your words all in your voices.
Fritz, do you have videos of Jackie by chance? I would love to hear her voice.
Hey Jess, I think there should be some of her voice on the Colorado videos, I'm not sure.
Not quite sure how this works, but if you can go to this YouTube site, all my videos are here, mostly of Alberta movie locations and the BBQ videos. I hope to post more, especially from the Bay City get-together in the not too distant future. Of course, I've been saying that for a couple of months. Have to get my proverbial posterior in gear.
http://youtube.com/user/fritzkep
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I have already posted this on the Christian thread but I think I need to post it here as well. I dreamed of Jackie last night. Myself, Brian, Oregondoggie and another friend who is not a member of the forum were sitting in the lobby of this beautiful, old, rustic hotel that I love in Jackson Hole. We were having drinks and just talking quietly among ourselves. Suddenly, in this beautiful old carved doorway to the right of the main entrance, stood Jackie. She was luminous and dressed totally in brilliant white. Except for Kent, the non member of the forum, we all realized who it was. I turned to Bri and said, "My God, it's Jackie". Kent was just staring in disbelief. She was smiling and in her hand she held an elegant fluted glass, which she raised to us and in the next instant, she was gone. It was so real to me that it woke me and I sat bolt upright in bed. My sudden movement woke Marty and he ask me what I was doing. I told him about the dream and he ask me if I wanted to talk. I told him no, that I was fine, but just wanted to sit quietly for a minute and so Marty just slowly drifted off back to sleep. I must have sat there for close to twenty minutes or so before I lay back down. It took me a long time to go back to sleep. When I woke this morning, I wondered if maybe Jackie was headed for Brokeback, or on her way back from Brokeback but for whatever reason, she was in North Western Wyoming and had just dropped in to raise a glass to some of her Brokie friends who also just happened to be there. Bitter Sweet dream.
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I agree with Jari that the forum pages themselves best represent... the forum. LOL. The forum community and love and stuff. But I also could see wanting something so much nicer than printer paper. Could it be possible to get these forum pages bound for them on nice paper?
And for us?
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Oh, ((((((((((((((((((((RANCE)))))))))))))))))))))))), how wonderful to have Jackie visit you in your dream. You are very blessed indeed.
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(((((((((((((((((((((Paula))))))))))))))))))))))))))))), looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. Your way of describing what Jackie experienced through the Forum puts a new perspective on someone whom I grew to love as a sister and friend. I'm staggered to read that you found that we did not take her away from you, but rather gave her back to you. Her giving was bottomless, and her presence with us will fill our memories. Thank you so much.
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(((((Rance))))) Wow, thank you for sharing that powerful dream with us. It actually does ease me. Thank you.
Jackie must love the afterlife: meeting Heath, galavanting around Wyoming, visiting forum members in their sleep whenever she likes. Maybe there's something to this heaven thing :) Certainly she doesn't have to pay so much on plane tickets to see us anymore... I just wish we could see her back.
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dear paula,
i read your lines this morning, and i'm in tears. i'm martina, from austria. i've never met jackie in person, i wasn't able to attend the US gatherings. this june would have been the first time jackie and i would have met in person. but that doesn't mean that we didn't "meet" - i can't count the numbers of hours we've chatted...they were so precious to me. like for so many others here, jackie was the older sister to me that i never had and always wished to have.
your graciousness is bigger than anything we could have hoped for..thank you from the depth of my heart.
Paula, it's Brad. I cherish the patches and the t-shirts and our great conversation on the phone. I more than cherished Jackie, for she was the sister I never had. Thanks for that wonderful post. I, too, found smiles through the tears.
B
I'll humbly add a third to this....When I stayed with Jackie in May '07, I said those exact words to her through an evening of private conversation.....I told her "You know Jackie, I never had a sister, but if I did I would want her to be you." And, of course, her reply....."Oh, honey..." and that beautiful smile...
Lenny
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An email from our friend Maureen in Bay City:
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Dearest John: I am deeply sorry for "our" great loss. I offer the Brokeback Mountain Forum family my deepest sympathy.
Heath was an amazing man with an abundance of talent....the world will mourn.
From the moment I met Jackie I knew I met a very special lady.
So intelligent, so warm, so down to earth, so loving to everyone in our "family".
Jackie will be deeply missed. God has a very special angel.
We are blessed with having known Jackie.
I'm thinking that all of us must make it a priority to truly be aware of those in our lives...to care, care deeply and to show it in our actions and words.
For all the years that we have known one another, for all the experiences and adventures that we have shared it's been just this past year that you have said to me....
I love you. John, those three words mean the world to me. Not only do those words let me know how you feel about me, but about yourself.
I love you John with all my heart and soul. I love you for exactly who you are...one terrific, dedicated, loyal, intelligent, passionate man.
Friends Forever
Maureen
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Talking about dreams.... you know that I'm rather sensible guy and not Shirley MacLaine but I still have to tell you this. Tuesday night, night before Jackie died, I saw a dream about her. We were sitting on grass in Auntie's backyard in Texas... there were many people from BBQ, I remember Nick and Rob standing somewhere behind me, Red, Fritzie, Terry, Wayne and many others and some who weren't in BBQ but were in my dream like Jess and Lenny... Nellie was sitting with me and Jackie and she was singing or humming somekind of lullaby.... Jackie was smiling and laughing and she held a small bouguet made of lilies of the valley. And there was sun and light and joy.
This may sound weird but after I heard that Jackie had passed away, I had this idea that maybe... what if I was visiting her dream. That it was the place where she was in her dreams the night before she died. And that we were all there to send her on her way.
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dear paula,
i read your lines this morning, and i'm in tears. i'm martina, from austria. i've never met jackie in person, i wasn't able to attend the US gatherings. this june would have been the first time jackie and i would have met in person. but that doesn't mean that we didn't "meet" - i can't count the numbers of hours we've chatted...they were so precious to me. like for so many others here, jackie was the older sister to me that i never had and always wished to have.
your graciousness is bigger than anything we could have hoped for..thank you from the depth of my heart.
Paula, it's Brad. I cherish the patches and the t-shirts and our great conversation on the phone. I more than cherished Jackie, for she was the sister I never had. Thanks for that wonderful post. I, too, found smiles through the tears.
B
I'll humbly add a third to this....When I stayed with Jackie in May '07, I said those exact words to her through an evening of private conversation.....I told her "You know Jackie, I never had a sister, but if I did I would want her to be you." And, of course, her reply....."Oh, honey..." and that beautiful smile...
Lenny
seems it really was the same for many of us. i always wanted an older sister, one who would tell me about things and where i could learn about life...which is what jackie became for me. :)
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(((((((((((Jari))))))))) Another beautiful thing that made me feel better. I wanted to come to the BBQ very badly. I even had a plane booked for a good hour, lol. I remember calling Linda at the last minute, and then Jackie called me, and we were trying to organize this, when I realized I could not afford the flight and had to cancel. So heartbreaking. I'm sure Linda and Melissa remember that!
But I wish very badly I could have been there. Colorado was maybe like my first BBQ (: But to have been in your/Jackie's dream BBQ is like fulfilling a dream to me somehow, since I didn't get to be at the real BBQ. I hope you are right that Jackie was dreaming of that. Thanks so much for sharing it.
Sorry, my English language is starting to break down. Thoughts are stupidly hard to put into words right now. But I hope you know what I mean *hug*
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I just wanted to quickly throw in my thanks to Paula for sharing - like Nellie said, a priceless post.
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Hello friends,
I wanted to throw this "out there"...
Another part of the conversation I had with Paula yesterday....she was mentioning to me about how her family was looking at this thread...pictures...all sorts and they were going to print all 80+ pages....I said WAIT
I thought I heard one of you guys mentioning how great it would be if we can get together a book of some sorts...or just make copies and get something together for Jackie's family...I think this would be the least we can do for her kindness and gratitude we all have for them....a little something to "give" from us.......
((((hugs))))
your amiga
Nellie
Hi Everyone -
Dave, Lydia and others are looking into the feasibility and logistical questions about producing a memorial/honorarium book for Jackie's family. We're running a little bit behind on that, due to the pressing Variety ad deadline for Heath, and trying to help console and comfort many people who are suffering greatly. The ad is finished and you can see it here. (http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28516.msg1158045#msg1158045)
Please know that every possible effort is being made to honor our beloved Jackie. Updates will be provided ASAP.
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dear paula,
i read your lines this morning, and i'm in tears. i'm martina, from austria. i've never met jackie in person, i wasn't able to attend the US gatherings. this june would have been the first time jackie and i would have met in person. but that doesn't mean that we didn't "meet" - i can't count the numbers of hours we've chatted...they were so precious to me. like for so many others here, jackie was the older sister to me that i never had and always wished to have.
your graciousness is bigger than anything we could have hoped for..thank you from the depth of my heart.
Paula, it's Brad. I cherish the patches and the t-shirts and our great conversation on the phone. I more than cherished Jackie, for she was the sister I never had. Thanks for that wonderful post. I, too, found smiles through the tears.
B
I'll humbly add a third to this....When I stayed with Jackie in May '07, I said those exact words to her through an evening of private conversation.....I told her "You know Jackie, I never had a sister, but if I did I would want her to be you." And, of course, her reply....."Oh, honey..." and that beautiful smile...
Lenny
seems it really was the same for many of us. i always wanted an older sister, one who would tell me about things and where i could learn about life...which is what jackie became for me. :)
and to add to all this....I have 2 sisters...one older and one younger..and even though I love my sisters dearly,there's things I shared with Jackie,as a sister should have,that I have never shared with my real sisters.....God,I'm going to miss that..
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Talking about dreams.... you know that I'm rather sensible guy and not Shirley MacLaine but I still have to tell you this. Tuesday night, night before Jackie died, I saw a dream about her. We were sitting on grass in Auntie's backyard in Texas... there were many people from BBQ, I remember Nick and Rob standing somewhere behind me, Red, Fritzie, Terry, Wayne and many others and some who weren't in BBQ but were in my dream like Jess and Lenny... Nellie was sitting with me and Jackie and she was singing or humming somekind of lullaby.... Jackie was smiling and laughing and she held a small bouguet made of lilies of the valley. And there was sun and light and joy.
This may sound weird but after I heard that Jackie had passed away, I had this idea that maybe... what if I was visiting her dream. That it was the place where she was in her dreams the night before she died. And that we were all there to send her on her way.
(((((((((((((((((((((((( JARI ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
What a wonderful dream....it really touched my heart :'( :'( :-* :-* :-*
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Dear Paula,
I am at a loss for words right now, but I do wish to express my gratitude for your amazing post.
In all my sadness and grieving, it has brought a little light.
I am the Dutch guy that accompanied Jackie last May from Texas to Estes Park, Colorado, and back again - an unforgettable experience, that brought her and me even closer together than we already were.
I cannot even begin to tell you how much Jackie meant to me. I feel so grateful that she has been in my life, even though it was only for 15 months.
I will never forget her, I will always love her.
An angel.
Thank you again,
Marc
the Netherlands
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I hope this doesn't seem self-serving, but it's a special bond I made with Jackie quite accidentally. I posted this on some Juicy Bits thread eons ago on the spur of the moment. Jackie told me she was going to print it out and carry it with her all the time. I thought that sounded nice, but didn't think she would really do it. I met her a couple weeks later in Chicago for the first time, and she whipped it out to prove me wrong. Since then, every time I see her, if I got down on myself, she would reach for her purse and say, "don't make me get it out..." LOL. I was very touched when I learned that she read it aloud to everyone at the most recent DC Slash Bash while I was elsewhere. She knew how embarrassed I was by stuff like that, and I know now that it really did touch her, she didn't just say so for my benefit. I love you Jackie.
Sometimes this... this story makes me dizzy with emotions, with the utter human baggage of love, hate, fear, desperation, hope, excitement, tenacity, regret, bitterness, inspiration, the sagging weight of need, the needing weight of love, the loving weight of hope, the hoping weight of memory. Some mornings I wake up Ennis, feet stiff with feelings I wish I didn't have to feel, regrets thick like molassas, and nameless. Other mornings I wake up Jack, world fresh and new, the carousel already painted-- today is another day, with such hope in it. Most days I feel balanced on the precarious edge, middle-aged Jack, regrets and hope curdling each other. It's strange how one story can sing to me the song of all of humanity since the beginning of time, humanize every victim, make bitter every love, make swallowing every obsession, make dark every dream, make sacred every hope. Every color metallic, every touch meaningful. Every, every, every.
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Wonderful, Jess. She carried several posts from members with her all the time. They were in her purse, to be sure, but more importantly, they were in her heart.
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impressive, expressive writing, jess.
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Talking about dreams.... you know that I'm rather sensible guy and not Shirley MacLaine but I still have to tell you this. Tuesday night, night before Jackie died, I saw a dream about her. We were sitting on grass in Auntie's backyard in Texas... there were many people from BBQ, I remember Nick and Rob standing somewhere behind me, Red, Fritzie, Terry, Wayne and many others and some who weren't in BBQ but were in my dream like Jess and Lenny... Nellie was sitting with me and Jackie and she was singing or humming somekind of lullaby.... Jackie was smiling and laughing and she held a small bouguet made of lilies of the valley. And there was sun and light and joy.
This may sound weird but after I heard that Jackie had passed away, I had this idea that maybe... what if I was visiting her dream. That it was the place where she was in her dreams the night before she died. And that we were all there to send her on her way.
((((((((((( Jari )))))))))))
I think your interpretation of your dream sounds exactly right. Beautiful. I can't wait to pick the Lily of the Valley when they bloom this spring. I'll be thinking of Jackie and of you.
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I thought I should stop by and just drop a line. This is the first time I've been on the forum in a while. And it's been to hard this week.
But this is for Jackie.
I wasn't very close with her. But I knew from the moment I'd met her, what a sweet and wonderful person she was.
Some people just shine. And she was one of them. I remember she was the very first person I met when I nervously wandered to the Adobo Grill for the Midwest slash bash. She was standing outside having a smoke--and there was something about her. Something friendly, and something familiar. I moved towards her and I guess she could tell I was a Brokie, because she gave me a huge bear hug and walked me inside. I've never forgotten that.
My thoughts go out to her family, and all the people her life has touched. I'm sure she's having a ball wherever she be.
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Jari,
Like you, I would never consider myself someone who had an intimate relationship with the other side. That is the first dream I have ever had like that. I dream of my mom and dad and it is always in a family setting somehow and those dreams seem so totally natural, just part of sleeping well I would say. But this one, this one was something else entirely. I have never dreamed about the people I was with and I have never dreamed about the hotel in Jackson Hole, in fact I have not even thought about that hotel in a very long time. But this dream seemed so incredilbly real, it was stunningly vivid. My dreams never wake me but this one did. In all honesty, it frightened me. The fear only lasted until I realized it was a dream, but for those few seconds, I'll bet my blood pressure was nearly off the charts. I will never forget this dream for as long as I live.
-
Marakesh-- this one's from Melissa's vid
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That's Maureen, 3rd from right in the above pic, standing next to Rodney.
I sent Maureen a copy of Paula's post, and here's her reply:
---------------------------------------------------------------
Dearest John:
I'm moved to tears.
Jackie certainly raised a golden, prize-winning son who chose for his bride the perfect daughter-in-law for Jackie and her family.
Many Many blessings to Jackie's family both related and not...but all related in spirit and in love.
I love You...John-John
Maureen
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I thought I should stop by and just drop a line. This is the first time I've been on the forum in a while. And it's been to hard this week.
Thanks so much for stopping by - it's good to hear from you. And thanks to (the other) Jess for posting your pic.
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Is anybody out there?? I need to talk.
Paula
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Is anybody out there?? I need to talk.
Paula
Hi Paula - I'm about if I can help
Sal ;D
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Hello beautiful people,
Alright,in one hour I will be leaving to the airport and I am asking all who are attending to PLEASE give Adrian a final head count for Saturday and another for the folks that will be staying with Paula and her family...Gosh...saying all this sounds so insane...we're actually having a slumber party with Jackie's family.......whew...so many emotions here
Okay...Adrian is going to call me as soon as I touch the ground in DC and I have to immediately contact Paula...so please send him a PM ASAP!
I'm so looking forward to seeing you there,and remember,those who couldn't make it...PLEASE know that you will be mentioned and thought of tomorrow...our hugs and tears will be from ALL OF US!...you HEAR me?
God Bless
your amiga,
Nellie XO
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Hi Paula
I am here too...
How are you doing darling?
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Paula, I'm here as well.
I read your post from last night not long ago, it was really very touching. Thank you for taking the time to come here and post it.
Monica
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Is anybody out there?? I need to talk.
Paula
Paula,
If you need to speak by telephone, I would be pleased to do so. I am Malcolm, Jackie's friend (and host in Texas this past May/June).
xxxxxx
I have been in touch with Jessica. Best wishes and best love to everyone.
Malcolm
post edited by LoveEmBoys to remove personal information. I have PMd your phone number to Paula, Malcolm
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Safe journey, (((Nellie)))
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Best wishes Nell. As I told Fritz, please leave a tear behind for me. :-*
Mitchell
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Is anybody out there?? I need to talk.
Paula
Paula...my gosh....I tried calling you,the line is busy
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I'm sitting here in Jackie's apt, just balling my eyes out. Everything around me just reminds me of her, smells like her, brings memories of her. I just can't stop crying. I'm here still, all alone, because I'm trying to burn her photos to disks, so that I can have them ready for slideshows tomorrow. I want to show you all how much you mean to her, how she cherished every moment with you, how she held thoughts of all of you so deeply in her heart and soul. I want to get the shows together, and make copies of disks for all of you. I want everything to be perfect, my God! I didn't even feel this way about my wedding day. I had a couple of weeks to plan that one; this is just to fast. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. Sorry I'm rambling, I can barely see the keyboard, and I'm shaking to hard to make any sense. Thanks for listening.
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Have a safe trip, Nellie!
I'm here too, Paula, Fritz from Virginia, and I will be bringing Nellie and Dave from the Metro station to Jackie's place tomorrow.
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I'm sitting here in Jackie's apt, just balling my eyes out. Everything around me just reminds me of her, smells like her, brings memories of her. I just can't stop crying. I'm here still, all alone, because I'm trying to burn her photos to disks, so that I can have them ready for slideshows tomorrow. I want to show you all how much you mean to her, how she cherished every moment with you, how she held thoughts of all of you so deeply in her heart and soul. I want to get the shows together, and make copies of disks for all of you. I want everything to be perfect, my God! I didn't even feel this way about my wedding day. I had a couple of weeks to plan that one; this is just to fast. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. Sorry I'm rambling, I can barely see the keyboard, and I'm shaking to hard to make any sense. Thanks for listening.
Ramble away Paula.
I will be there with you in spirit tomorrow.
Sal ;D
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Paula... Hugs to you. Take a moment to breathe.
It is such an incredible thing that you are doing inviting her friends to come and gather tomorrow -- THAT ALONE is more than any of us had a right to ask you to do. Please don't over extend yourself on the slideshow project --- as you can see, we have no shortage.
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Oh ((((((((((((((((((((((PAULA)))))))))))))))))))))))))
Just your being there tomorrow will be wonderful, but just be ready to experience a lot of hugs! I was just making a list of all the people who PM'ed me since the middle of the week to pass along greetings, condolences and big bear hugs to you and all of your family, to remember one incredibly special lady.
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I'm sitting here in Jackie's apt, just balling my eyes out. Everything around me just reminds me of her, smells like her, brings memories of her. I just can't stop crying. I'm here still, all alone, because I'm trying to burn her photos to disks, so that I can have them ready for slideshows tomorrow. I want to show you all how much you mean to her, how she cherished every moment with you, how she held thoughts of all of you so deeply in her heart and soul. I want to get the shows together, and make copies of disks for all of you. I want everything to be perfect, my God! I didn't even feel this way about my wedding day. I had a couple of weeks to plan that one; this is just to fast. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. Sorry I'm rambling, I can barely see the keyboard, and I'm shaking to hard to make any sense. Thanks for listening.
(((PAULA)))
All the way from the Netherlands, I am with you...
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Paula, we are all here for you. I read your first post from the early morning hours, and I'm speechless. My prayers are still with you and all of Jackie's family during this time.
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((((((((((((((((((((((((Paula)))))))))))))))))))))))))
It's the same here when I go into threads where I expect to find her.
Peace
Neil.
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snerk... Yes, we are all here for you -- except me actually. My apologies but I need to go. I leave you, Paula, in the hands of these very capable people!
Take care -- I will not be able to join you tomorrow, but you will most certainly be in my thoughts.
Monica
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Yes, Paula, my choir and I are praying for you and your family to get through the time of sadness to when it can finally be suffused with joy.
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Have a safe trip, hermana... I will be there in spirit, like so many of us :-*...
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Hello Paula -
We haven't met. I live over in Northern Virginia, and I was wondering if you would like a hand tomorrow morning in getting things ready. I could show up earlier than 1 PM. Whatever you need.
And remember - I know you want things to be "perfect," but perfection is not a realistic standard for us mere mortals!
Richard
(greylocke)
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Paula, if that green wind chime is still hanging in the corner by the computer (my gift to Jackie), give it a nudge tomorrow and that will be me saying bonjour to everyone.
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I'm sitting here in Jackie's apt, just balling my eyes out. Everything around me just reminds me of her, smells like her, brings memories of her. I just can't stop crying. I'm here still, all alone, because I'm trying to burn her photos to disks, so that I can have them ready for slideshows tomorrow. I want to show you all how much you mean to her, how she cherished every moment with you, how she held thoughts of all of you so deeply in her heart and soul. I want to get the shows together, and make copies of disks for all of you. I want everything to be perfect, my God! I didn't even feel this way about my wedding day. I had a couple of weeks to plan that one; this is just to fast. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. Sorry I'm rambling, I can barely see the keyboard, and I'm shaking to hard to make any sense. Thanks for listening.
Paula sweetheart... :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
You are not alone we are all with you... Look around.... :)
And Jackie had a bottle of Brandy (for medicinal purposes ya understand)... I think it was in the kitchen, if its not all gone... Go and pour yourself a large one, and just think of sweet Jackie..
Have a look out the balcony, she always loved that view.... :-*
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Paula, you will be in capable hands with Fritz and Nellie and Dave with you. I don't know who else from the forum is going, but I know there are dozens of us who will be there in spirit.
I know what you mean about her smells and her spirit all around you. I have one of my mother's jewelry boxes - she kept mostly her earrings and rings in it - and even though we bought a jewelry armoire and moved all the shiny pretty things into it, I cannot get rid of the case - it smells of her still even ten years after she has passed. Her perfumes and her hair and her skin. It just reminds me of "mom" every time I open it. Revel in it for as long as you can.
Heidi
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Hey Heidi,
Great to see you... :-*
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Goodnight everyone, and good luck tomorrow...
Hugs from Holland
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Goedenacht en welterusten, ((((((((((MARC))))))))))!!
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Paula,
There is alway someone around here, so don't hesitate.... :-*
Our friends from across the pond should really try and get some
good sleep and rest up.
See you Nell, as everyone else... I'll be thinking 'bout y'all.
mod... Hey Fritz, just saw your post..... lucky you, getting to be there tomorrow.
be sure and give everyone a good and tight hug from me.
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I'm sitting here in Jackie's apt, just balling my eyes out. Everything around me just reminds me of her, smells like her, brings memories of her. I just can't stop crying. I'm here still, all alone, because I'm trying to burn her photos to disks, so that I can have them ready for slideshows tomorrow. I want to show you all how much you mean to her, how she cherished every moment with you, how she held thoughts of all of you so deeply in her heart and soul. I want to get the shows together, and make copies of disks for all of you. I want everything to be perfect, my God! I didn't even feel this way about my wedding day. I had a couple of weeks to plan that one; this is just to fast. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. Sorry I'm rambling, I can barely see the keyboard, and I'm shaking to hard to make any sense. Thanks for listening.
Just wanted to send my love from Ontario, Canada.........Jackie was a dear friend to me (although we never met) and I am going to miss her forever.
God bless you. :-* :'( :-*
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Gerry, your name was already on the list!
Big hugs to you and Jack!
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As is yours, Lola.
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Hey Heidi,
Great to see you... :-*
you too Wayne. It's been a while, eh?
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Have a safe trip, hermana... I will be there in spirit, like so many of us :-*...
Thank you EVERYONE for your good wishes.....:-*
I LOVE you Paula.....can't wait to wrap my arms around you!! Hang in there.....this crazy Rican is gonna hug you to pieces!!! :-*
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We are better for having known her.
Much love,
Jenny
Truer words were never spoken.
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Guys,
My eyes are closing here at the computer... Its after midnight...
Paula, hang in there sweetheart... Wish I could be with you physically tomorrow...
Will check in, in the morning...
And you have my number, call me at any time...
Wayne
XXXXX
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These posts sound so incredible. I should be reading them instead of ironing your sheets! David
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Have a restful sleep, dear Wayne.
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These posts sound so incredible. I should be reading them instead of ironing your sheets! David
David, you aren't really ironing sheets are you? ;D
I wish we could all be there with Paula and the rest of Jackie's family. Please extend our hugs and love to everyone there.
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Dave, one more post and you'll be at 1776! That's the spirit!
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These posts sound so incredible. I should be reading them instead of ironing your sheets! David
David, you aren't really ironing sheets are you? ;D
I wish we could all be there with Paula and the rest of Jackie's family. Please extend our hugs and love to everyone there.
Yes, Nellie can't sleep on just any sheets. Since she is crashing here for the night, thought it was the least I could do.
Actually I always iron the sheets, I'm compulsive that way.
And Paula, I haven't met you yet, or even read your posts. But I have them printed out and the minute things are in order here ::)
I will try and catch up.
David
read them.
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I will also be there in spirit tomorrow, Paula.
And I look forward to meeting you in Wyoming!
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Yay, Dave!
1776!
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These posts sound so incredible. I should be reading them instead of ironing your sheets! David
David, you aren't really ironing sheets are you? ;D
I wish we could all be there with Paula and the rest of Jackie's family. Please extend our hugs and love to everyone there.
Absolutely!! That's what we are going to be there for. For EVERYONE!!! We will be thinking of all of you tomorrow at Jackie's.
Ah! The car is back. Off for some quick errands before the plane arrives. Later........
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Hi Paula, this is Jackie's friend Mitch from Maine. Thank you for your wonderful post about Jaclyn. It put an instant lump in my throat to see your words about our dear friend. She is so blessed to have you as her DIL and Mark as a son. She spoke very highly of you anytime I talked with her on the phone. The last time I got to do that was during the afternoon of December 31st.........it was the 2nd anniversary of me seeing Brokeback Mountain and I called to let her know I was thinking of her and how grateful I was to know her. (I met her in Bay City, Michigan last February) I could tell she wasn't feeling the best that day, as she wasn't her usual cheerful self when we spoke. Even so, she tried to mask her discomfort and change the subject (by saying something like, "oh let's not talk about little ole me)by instead, making sure things were well in my neck of the woods and well with Terry (another thing she prided having a part in :))..... We ended with her asking me, "You know I love you Mitchell?" And I know she truly did.
It's difficult for me to fathom that someone I met in person, just less than a year ago, could have that much impact in such a short amount of time. It's more difficult to know I won't see her smiling face in here at any given moments notice - but when left with the choice of never knowing Jackie and being able to skip this grieving part.......or the choice of being blessed by knowing Jackie and shedding tears for the loss of a friend - well, there is no choice. I'm a better person today for knowing her and I thank God for the time he gave me with her......and to all of us here on the forum.
Stay strong Paula and know we are here to help you and your family through this. I hope that all the wondeful pictures/posts that people have shared may somehow lighten the heavy burden of grief you are carrying.
My sincerest condolences to you and your family.
Love & peace,
Mitchell
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From Jackie's posts:
"How's this for a "hand-me-down? My dad brought this kimono from Japan, just after WWII. By the time I'm wearing it, it was a Hallowe'en costume. All my younger sisters wore it too."
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi39.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fe154%2Ftwtaylor%2Fhalloween.jpg&hash=3626c2ad742bf3b275f638844c7ddcb3536541e3)
terry
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"Here's me at age 18. Jackie, USAF Was I really that young...and that THIN?"
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what a sweetheart...........
terry
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Hey Paula,
John from British Columbia here. Chuck and I had lots of chats with Jackie in Colorado last summer, and fell in love with her.
We will be with you in spirit tomorrow.
You're in great hands with Fritz, Nellie, Dave and crew....
Hugs,
John
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Terry.......thank you for bringing instant smiles with those. :) You done good! :-*
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...
This may sound weird but after I heard that Jackie had passed away, I had this idea that maybe... what if I was visiting her dream. That it was the place where she was in her dreams the night before she died. And that we were all there to send her on her way.
(((((((((Jari)))))))))
This doesn't sound weird at all. I am quite positive that you were in contact with Jackie... I say this based on my experience from the night before my dad passed and a 'dream' I had quite recently about my birth-mum.
... I guess I can only try and understand it as something going on on another frequency...
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Can someone please post the photo of Jackie at the Metro station-- the one where she looks so energetic and full of life? I'm at the building right now and getting the Memorial notice together, to let the residents know about her passing. I really would love to put that particular photo on the notice-- such a great way to be remembered... I only have a few minutes on the Mgr's computer, so PLEASE HURRY!! Thanks, Paula
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This??
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Dear Paula,
I'm not sure if Jackie ever mentioned me to you. We were close, but not as close as time and geography would allow. I am the singer from the Bay City Oscar Night event, perhaps Jackie played the DVD for you. I remember zoning in on Jackie's face in the audience during the performance. There were moments during the concert that I thought I was going to lose it onstage as it was an incredibly emotional evening - then I would see her face smiling at me from beneath the spotlight's beam and I was okay.
I wish I could be there tomorrow, I would love to sing a song for Jackie. But I will sing one for her here. I think she would like that..
May the knowledge of Jackie's profound and enduring impact on so many lives bring you comfort in the days ahead.
With affection,
Trish
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One more soul saved by you. Thank you soooooo much!!
Paula ;-)
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Lola, you beat me to it! ;)
terry
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Well I have been stealing pics left right and centre and I knew I saved that one, I loved it!!! :D
I can hear her singing New York New York..........I miss her! :'(
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I miss her too.
:(
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I've been reviewing some of the last messages between Jackie & I on the forum - one, which is quite funny, is when she says 'Cool beans' in response to my pointing out that it looks like Jari was in Dr. Who's TARDIS while in the UK. The other was in response to my remembering my friend Tom over in the 'Mourning Someone Who Has Died' thread:
Michael, thank you for your reminiscences of your good friend, Tom Henry. Through you, we are all enriched by the glimpse into his life. :-* :-* :-*
I can only say how much we were enriched by your life Jackie - thank YOU so very, very much!
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So yes, we all lost a very dear, special person today, but, I know we all gained an angel. Rest in peace, beloved Jaclyn.
Mitchell
Fly, fly little wing
Fly beyond imagining
The softest cloud, the whitest dove
Upon the wind of heaven's love
Past the planets and the stars
Leave this lonely world of ours
Escape the sorrow and the pain
And fly again
Fly, fly prercious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
There is peace forevermore
But hold this mem'ry bittersweet
Until we meet
Fly, fly do not fear
Don't waste a breath, don't shead a tear
Your heart is pure, your soul is free
Be on your way, don't wait for me
Above the universe you'll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise, the sun will set
But I won't forget
Fly, fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now, find the light
Mitch,
I wanted to thank you for posting the Celine Dion song.....it is one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard and I had forgotten about it. I downloaded it from ITunes as soon as I read your post. I am putting together a new band with my husband, where I will be singing only songs I WANT to sing, not songs for weddings and parties. It's something I've been wanting and needing to do for a long time, to nurture my creative spirit, because it's not often I have an audience like in Bay City. Usually I'm singing for my supper, not just for the love of singing. This song is going to be in the new repertoire.
I spoke to Jackie many times about my artistic goals, and of course, she was always so encouraging. As I sing "Fly", I will see our "precious one", "crossing over to the other shore", "upon the winds of heaven's love".
Thanks again. :)
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Since this is a tribute for Jackie....I think it only fitting that we include her story from the book, Beyond Brokeback, a project she was involved with and loved.
What I Need (page 199)
-paintedshoes
Brokeback Mountain allowed me to come to terms with some issues in my past, but somewhere, lurking in the back of my mind, I knew there was more; I just couldn't find it. In the last few days, I have pieced together my thoughts, fears, and needs, to explain to myself what happened to me.
It was after reading the story three times, searching my soul long and hard, and facing what I knew to be the truth, that I made a radical decision: I quit my job after nineteen years! I can't believe I'm putting it in writing. I'm staying on to wrap up some projects, but I'm out at the end of the month. I'm looking for a job, though no prospects yet. I'm divorced, fifty-seven years old, with two kids and five grandchildren, and I did the stupidest and bravest thing I may have done in my life.
I can't live in misery for fear of what the future may hold, not anymore. I am laughing to myself, at myself because- though on some level I'm scared to death- I feel a lightness of heart that I have not felt in forever. None of you here made my decision for me, but all of you here enveloped me in love, compassion, and understanding. You helped me to come to terms with myself and what I need for myself, not for what I thought other people expected. Bless you all.
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Bless you, Jackie. Thank you.
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I feel so lucky to have her autograph and a sweet message in my book on that page.
We only met once, briefly in Estes Park. She was so generous to take her time to sign my book.
- KittyHawk
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When Jackie was in New York during Wayne's visit last summer, and a group of us got together for dinner (as documented in some earlier pictures on this thread), she produced her copy of the book and asked me, and others, to sign it. I was taken aback - I said, "Damn, Jackie, I should have brought my copy for you to sign!" I truly didn't feel worthy. I'm glad I got to write a little inscription to "Sweet Jackie" not realizing I would never see her again.
Sorry I can't be there tomorrow but will surely be there in spirit, just as the hearts and minds and thoughts of others in far-flung places will turn toward College Park, MD.
John
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I dreamt of Jackie last night. With the Wyoming wind tapping on the glass she sat with me and talked of many things. At the end she wished me goodnight like she had so many times before. I woke with a light heart until I turned on the news and saw that Heath was gone. I knew that Jackie was too. But I know she is watching over us. And she is here with us in our hearts.
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Dana! Don't run away before I can tell you hi and that I've missed you! :-* :-* :-*
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Dana! Don't run away before I can tell you hi and that I've missed you! :-* :-* :-*
One of Jackie's last pm's to me mentioned that we needed to figure out a way to keep RL from keeping us apart!
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Amen to that, Dana.
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Dana! Don't run away before I can tell you hi and that I've missed you! :-* :-* :-*
^^^ What he said Dana!
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since I disappeared for so long, I am going to ask a question that may sound stupid, here goes....where is the brokeback mountain that jackies ashes are going to be let go? in alberta, wyoming, where??? thanks karin
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It's Wyoming Karin. The family is thinking sometime in June.
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There is a mountain in Big Horn County in north central Wyoming called Brokenback Mountain, quite possibly a source of the name as used by Annie Proulx. I believe the intention of the family is to have the ashes scattered atop the one there.
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since I disappeared for so long, I am going to ask a question that may sound stupid, here goes....where is the brokeback mountain that jackies ashes are going to be let go? in alberta, wyoming, where??? thanks karin
Well, at least you have the excuse for being gone so long (hi btw!).....I have been here and have never left and I wanted to ask the question but was afraid to because I thought I might be the only one that doesn't know! Thanks for asking for me! xo
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It's Wyoming Karin. The family is thinking sometime in June.
thanks Adrian. when it gets nailed down, where in Wyoming, I would like to know exactly. Like will it be Brokenback mountain? or somewhere else. I still have a ton of old postcards from the time when Jack and Ennis would have lived - and one or two old maps of Wyoming. I hear eBay is filled with pics and things about Heath. I wouldn't and couldn't denigrate his memory by making money on it. It was different when he was alive and when the movie was so loved by so many. xxoo
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Dana! Don't run away before I can tell you hi and that I've missed you! :-* :-* :-*
^^^ What he said Dana!
and i have made my pitch via pm already. stay, and/or stay in touch, you are missed.
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I am putting together a new band with my husband, where I will be singing only songs I WANT to sing, not songs for weddings and parties. It's something I've been wanting and needing to do for a long time, to nurture my creative spirit, because it's not often I have an audience like in Bay City. Usually I'm singing for my supper, not just for the love of singing. This song is going to be in the new repertoire.
I spoke to Jackie many times about my artistic goals, and of course, she was always so encouraging. As I sing "Fly", I will see our "precious one", "crossing over to the other shore", "upon the winds of heaven's love".
Thanks again. :)
I just can't wait to hear you sing that dear Trish :-*
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If you've got access to a map, Karen, the coordinates are 44 deg 12.05 min N, 107 dec 15.74 min W.
It's accessible via a series of unpaved roads off US 16 north of the town of Ten Sleep, Wyoming.
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Some videos taken atop the mountain, as well as on the roads going up:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=253FxL4zHB0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ffDzfe0HhU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnvaZHOZN-E
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8InLzqjnI4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqbD67effjM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWDVfmXP54E
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3zmllFKSfA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDEObnmW0b4
Just realized, these are in reverse order. The series starts on the lowermost link.
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Can't remember which ones I might have posted, so there might be a rerun or two.....
The back steps at Linda's - where I first met PaintedShoes & her radiant smile in person ....
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Fritz ~ John/RedBrit ~ Jackie ~ me ~ Conny kl'k kl'k
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David & Jackie
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Just because.....
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Jackie has to have one of these....
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I can hear her singing New York New York..........I miss her! :'(
that would have been jackie's dream career....when she started her new job and was hurting so much from standing all day, we talked about alternative careers for her. she said she wished she was young and beautiful and had a beautiful voice, so she could become a singer. i told her that she herself and her voice IS beautiful, and i could perfectly imagine her as an entertainer...you know, in long, sparkling gold robes....can you see that ? in that moment, i saw her on that stage...she would have made so many people happy.
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i don't have the opportunity to be around today, and unfortunately i can't go to the US either. i would give so much to be there. but there are people depending on me, and i can't let them down. i will think of you, all day, and be there in spirit with you. may you all have a good day, of healing, of friendships and of love.
hugs & love,
martina
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Good Luck with The Ball Martina!!!
You know as well as I do that she would want it to go without a hitch...
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I dreamt of Jackie last night. With the Wyoming wind tapping on the glass she sat with me and talked of many things. At the end she wished me goodnight like she had so many times before. I woke with a light heart until I turned on the news and saw that Heath was gone. I knew that Jackie was too. But I know she is watching over us. And she is here with us in our hearts.
(((((((hugs)))))))))
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Tonight at our campus Tolkien Society meeting (I know, I'm a big dork- shush, you) we made plans to inscribe a 50th anniversary copy of the Lord of the Rings trilogy with a wonderful poem called "The Old Walking Song" and donate it to our library, in memory of a dear friend and club member who passed away last May. I wanted to reprint it here in honor of Jackie and Heath, because it reminds me a little of Brokeback Mountain and of losing the ones we love. There are three versions of this song, and I will reprint them in the order they appeared on the paper copy I have. (Each stanza is a different version.)
The Old Walking Song by J.R.R. Tolkien
The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.
The Road goes ever on and on
Out from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
Let others follow it who can!
Let them a journey new begin,
But I at last with weary feet
Will turn towards the lighted inn,
My evening-rest and sleep to meet.
Still round the corner there may wait
A new road or a secret gate;
And though I oft have passed them by,
A day will come at last when I
Shall take the hidden paths that run
West of the Moon, East of the Sun.
In memory of Jackie and Heath
Saena
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Fritz ~ John/RedBrit ~ Jackie ~ me ~ Conny kl'k kl'k
thanks sweetie kl`k kl`k dont even have that one myself :-*
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I arrived at Washington later than planned...my flight was delayed over an hour...Chicago's weather ...I'm in David's house ....gorgeous home...the room is great,cozy.
We had some wine (which went straight to my head,btw) and talked baout Jackie...all her sweetness...telling stories of her...*sigh* ....I'm sooo tired but when I saw this picture...this is EXACTLY how I feel right now....just so surreal
there will only be about 10 of us tomorrow....but that's okay...you ALL will be in our thoughts...I swear!!
Godd night....oh wait...good morning....
(((hugs)))
Nellie
Just because.....
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Good night, Nellie
I'll be thinking of all of you tonight.
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And by the way Paula - You are doing what we all do... Say we are going to bed and then staying here.... :-* ;D
Oh my God! It's happening already! OK- really... I'm going to bed now!!
Sweet dreams,
Paula ;-)
Welcome to The Hotel California... you can check out but you can never leave. LOL Thank you so much for your wonderful post. I hope you finally went to bed and get some well deserved rest! You have a very busy weekend ahead. I wish I could be there, I will be in spirit.
hugs
karla
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If you've got access to a map, Karen, the coordinates are 44 deg 12.05 min N, 107 dec 15.74 min W.
It's accessible via a series of unpaved roads off US 16 north of the town of Ten Sleep, Wyoming.
what an angel. thank you.
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Some videos taken atop the mountain, as well as on the roads going up:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=253FxL4zHB0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ffDzfe0HhU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnvaZHOZN-E
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8InLzqjnI4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqbD67effjM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWDVfmXP54E
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3zmllFKSfA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDEObnmW0b4
Just realized, these are in reverse order. The series starts on the lowermost link.
how fabulous- i just watched a little - wow - i wish i had been there. will watch more and savor these.
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Hello All.
Once again, I have been on here reading all day, from the beginning, and have finally reached the end, so now I am posting.
It is Saturday evening here, so your U.S. Saturday is only just beginning on the East Coast.
I would love to be there for your gathering today at Jackie's, and feel so sad that the number gathering will be so small; but Oz is a long way away.
Reading the postings of everyone on here has been SOOOOO uplifting. Thank you to all posters.
I know that if I had even 10% of this sort of posting when I pass away, that I would be thrilled beyond measure. And of course, we all KNOW that it is ALL merited by Jackie, for the wonderful person who she was to each of us.
Jackie and I never met, and shared only a few PMs over the past year or so -- especially around the time when she was trying to give up those cigarettes. But we often shared postings on our dearly beloved AFFECTED ME thread, along with that other darling: Nellie. (Nel, you have been WONDERFUL as always with this thread. Thank you. All of the postings about Jackie's welcomes, can be echoed for you too Ms Latina loca! LOL).
Like many of you, I was just BLOWN AWAY by Paula's post.
Paula: you said the most beautiful things in that note; and at a time when you are under such emotional stress. Thank you for the lovely things which you said there, you sound as loving as Jackie was. And I echo the others on here who say thank you to Jackie's family, for accepting us here as being part of her family, and for sharing this time with us. That is sooo magnanimous!
Best wishes, and supporting strength is extended to all in Jackie's family -- her blood family, and this cyber-family; at this emotional time.
If ever an example was evident of the GOOD things in cyber-space, for all of those cynics out there (and I was one too), this beautiful thread and its tributes to Jackie, must be high on the list.
Farewell to Jackie. Hello to All. And thank you all for sharing your memories of this lovely person with the rest of us. May they continue on here for quite a while.
Kind regards: JohnnyX in Oz.
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Hey guys,
Thanks for great overnight postings... I feel really like Jackie is here with us enveloping us in her warm and loving ways...
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...there will only be about 10 of us tomorrow....but that's okay...you ALL will be in our thoughts...I swear!!
There may only be ten physically present, but there will be dozens--no, probably hundreds--of us there in spirit.
I wish I could be there with you.
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I am definitely there in spirit with you guys...
And will raise a glass or two tonight in Jackie's honour.... :)
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I am definitely there in spirit with you guys...
And will raise a glass or two tonight in Jackie's honour.... :)
Or three...
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Tonight at our campus Tolkien Society meeting (I know, I'm a big dork- shush, you) we made plans to inscribe a 50th anniversary copy of the Lord of the Rings trilogy with a wonderful poem called "The Old Walking Song" and donate it to our library, in memory of a dear friend and club member who passed away last May. I wanted to reprint it here in honor of Jackie and Heath, because it reminds me a little of Brokeback Mountain and of losing the ones we love. There are three versions of this song, and I will reprint them in the order they appeared on the paper copy I have. (Each stanza is a different version.)
The Old Walking Song by J.R.R. Tolkien
The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.
The Road goes ever on and on
Out from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
Let others follow it who can!
Let them a journey new begin,
But I at last with weary feet
Will turn towards the lighted inn,
My evening-rest and sleep to meet.
Still round the corner there may wait
A new road or a secret gate;
And though I oft have passed them by,
A day will come at last when I
Shall take the hidden paths that run
West of the Moon, East of the Sun.
In memory of Jackie and Heath
Saena
I've always loved this poem, Saena. Thank you. Now I'll think about Jackie when reading it.
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Perhaps today, especially, we can ensure that many candles are lit for Jackie.
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=bbm
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Its just before 3pm in London and I am thinking of you guys in Maryland, who when you reach this time, will be half way through your celebrations.... :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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Perhaps today, especially, we can ensure that many candles are lit for Jackie.
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=bbm
Thanks for the reminder... The candles stay lit for 48 hours, so it was time to relight mine.
I'm assuming we are still using the 'bbm' group for Jackie?
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Yes, I certainly felt that bbm was the right group for mine.
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To Paula:
I was a bit later than other getting to know Jackie-but she was truly WONDERFUL.
I was deeply moved by your post, and I thank you personally, for sharing with us.
May I extend my condolences to you and your family on this immense loss.
Regards,
Jo
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I have lit a candle in Jackie's honor.
There may be only ten people physically present at her memorial today, but I'll bet thousands are there in spirit. Include me as one who wishes she were there too.
Love to Paula and all of Jackie's family.
Betty
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i have a lit a candle here at my home!
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Perhaps today, especially, we can ensure that many candles are lit for Jackie.
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=bbm
Thanks Dan
I have lit a candle too!! We need more to light candles - there are only 10 there at the mo!
Sal :-*
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Hello there JohnnyX. Good to hear from you again, and thanks for the lovely post. :-*
Saena
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I've lit a candle and will do more quiet devotions here at home with Carol. This is really hard for both of us - both heath and jackie in a 24 hour span. it has rocked us to our foundations.
And yet, we still have our dailies to deal with - we have to buy a fridge today. We have to get a gift basket for our daughter's swim buddy and take it to their swim meet (Go Panthers!!) I had to get clementine oranges and coffee for the swimmer's breakfast today! One son needs cough medicine. I had to help another son shave his legs before the swim meet (don't ask! LOL!)
Somehow each of these little normal minutiae of a (non)typical Saturday I find myself thinking of Jackie and how she raised her kids and what was ON and IN her fridge - I mean it is very similar to when my mom passed away...you tick through your daily life and wonder how the other person did the same menial tasks. Right down to did the toilet paper go over or under? Every move I make I somehow connect it back to my thoughts of Jackie. *sigh*
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I've lit a candle and will do more quiet devotions here at home with Carol. This is really hard for both of us - both heath and jackie in a 24 hour span. it has rocked us to our foundations.
And yet, we still have our dailies to deal with - we have to buy a fridge today. We have to get a gift basket for our daughter's swim buddy and take it to their swim meet (Go Panthers!!) I had to get clementine oranges and coffee for the swimmer's breakfast today! One son needs cough medicine. I had to help another son shave his legs before the swim meet (don't ask! LOL!)
Somehow each of these little normal minutiae of a (non)typical Saturday I find myself thinking of Jackie and how she raised her kids and what was ON and IN her fridge - I mean it is very similar to when my mom passed away...you tick through your daily life and wonder how the other person did the same menial tasks. Right down to did the toilet paper go over or under? Every move I make I somehow connect it back to my thoughts of Jackie. *sigh*
{{{{{Heidi}}}}}}
Sal :-*
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Just back to the Forum after a very long break...Heath's death made me! And now I find Jackie has gone too. She was so sweet when I first arrived on the Forum a couple of years ago! A very special spirit! A reminder of how much each of us can carry the Divine within! Enjoy the journey, jackie!
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Like so many many other folks I just wanted to say, I too was touched by Jackie's love and care. We exchanged PMs only once, back in September. I sent her a quick note to thank her for the kind words she posted after one of my photocaps. I also took the opportunity of saying how much I appreciated Jackie being one of the first people to welcome me to the forum, and I told her that I was still quite shy and quiet about sharing my story. She replied with such a tender and thoughtful message, and I would like to quote her words, if I may:
Oh, thank you. Your caps speak volumes about your loving heart, friend.
As for the shyness, don't worry. I know how overwhelming it can be around here, especially with big-mouths such as myself prattling on so much. :D If you would ever like to simply talk, please come into the Diner. I KNOW that we have a reputation for being fast-paced sometimes, but we are also quite nice, and easy-going generally. And nothing serious need be said, jsut chit-chat about food, weather, sexy guys ( ;) ), esp til you get your feet wet and realize who people are...
...or not. No pressure, this is all at YOUR speed and comfort level. When and if you choose to share things of a more serious nature, we are here.
Hugs,
Jackie
I can't tell you how much this warmed my heart and consoled my soul - it made me smile and gave me such reassurance and confidence!
A couple of weeks ago, I realised that it was nearly 1 year since I first posted on this forum (January 18th), and I thought that perhaps soon I would discover my own words and find the strength to share them with friends here on the forum. And I thought - when the time is right, Jackie certainly will be there to listen ...
I'm so sad that Jackie has gone, and my heart goes out to her family and friends - your are all in my thoughts and prayers. God bless and keep you PaintedShoes for the overflowing and inextinguishable love which you poured-out to both friends and strangers.
And one day soon I'm sure I'll pop 'round the Diner to say 'hello', just like she suggested!
In the meantime, in memory of Jackie and Heath at this difficult time, I would like to share this blessing:
"May your soul calm, console and renew you.
May the light of your soul guide you.
May the light of your soul bless the work you do with the secret love and warmth of your heart.
May the day never burden you.
May dawn find you awake, alert, approaching your new day with dreams, possibilities and promises.
May you go into the night blessed, sheltered and protected"
And my mind turns to these words, from a song by 'The Divine Comedy': for Heath and Jackie, and all the absent friends in our lives:
"Absent friends - here's to them!
And happy days - we thought that they would never end;
But they always end,
So raise your glasses then
To absent friends"
http://youtube.com/watch?v=LN0gl0qJAgs (http://youtube.com/watch?v=LN0gl0qJAgs)
Peace & Light
love
dylan
xxx
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In a post a few pages back, Caithness/Malcolm said:
The best sermon ever I preached was also the shortest, in which sermon I likened the interconnected life we all share to a massive, intricate, silky, lovely spider's web. Whenever one touches the spider's web, at any point, that touch sets the entire web a-tremble. We never know in what faraway time and place our touch will be felt.
Jackie's touch was not only in immediate time and place, but her touch will be felt in faraway times and faraway places. I hope that she knew the importance of her touch. We certainly do.
It is my fondest hope to communicate, in some way, to her family just how wide-ranging and love-giving and life-giving her touch has been, and will continue to be in all those faraway times and places.
I'll chime in on that theme; I'm quite peripheral here (I haven't met Jackie in person, haven't directly communicated with her) but there is no doubt about how much I was affected by her presence here. Deeply affected. It has changed my life to be one of the people who were in this community that Jackie was part of and to which she gave so much. And I, too, want her family to know that.
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Hey everyone -
Thinking about the festivities getting underway in MD right now. Wish I was there.
I lit a candle for Jackie too. What a great place to do that for times like these.
HUGS to all - its good to know we are all here for each other.
Much Love ~
Nick
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The candles are lit.....family and friends together in body and spirit.....remembering...honoring....
Missing you, ((((Jackie))))
Someday we'll be together
Say, say, say it again
Someday we'll be together
Oh, yeah, oh yeah
.
.
.
-
To Paula and to all of our friends spending time at Jackie's today...
My love to each one of you. I'm crying now wishing I could be holding you all in my arms...
I first met Jackie in person in late May, 2006 at Brad and Steve's in south Washington State. She and Linda dropped in for a surprise visit while my Nicky was here from England. I'll never forget the surprised look on his face when Jackie and Linda walked into the kitchen at Brad's.
Jackie was loved, is loved, and is missed terribly.
Love to all there... wishing I could be there in person, I am there in spirit... please don't step on my toes...
Kisses,
Rob
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I just lit a candle for Jackie, also here at home.
Allow me to share with you what Jackie wrote in my copy of "Beyond Brokeback," words that were so typical of her love and graciousness:
"For John,
An example, with your husband Chuck, of the true joy of the Brokeback dream. Bless you both always.
Jackie, paintedshoes."
Love to Paula and all the family today. There are thousands with you in spirit.
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When I left for lunch a couple hours ago, I looked at the clock and saw that it was 1:00. Everyone was just meeting up at Jackie's. I've been thinking of that ever since. Much love to you guys.
Saena
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I also find it fitting to share the words Jackie wrote to me. I took my DVD (the one my then-wife bought me) to TX in hopes of having her write a little something on the back of the sleeve for me. Here is what she wrote:
August 12, 2006
My Darling Brother Nick ~
What a journey you have taken
that has led you to this moment in your
life. I am so proud and happy to know you
and to have shared a little in this
great adventure of yours.
Life is full of surprises . . . we do not know
where the roads will take us - only that
it is the sharing of the path that creates
unbelieveable bonds of friendship, trust
and love.
Thank you for allowing me to walk beside
you as you have travelled up your Mountain
and found your Miracle.
With all the love in the world from
your Brokeback Sister,
Jackie
"paintedshoes"
No, thank YOU Jackie. Knowing you were somewhere in the world
rooting for me made this journey so much more bearable.
You will be eternally missed.
-
Perhaps today, especially, we can ensure that many candles are lit for Jackie.
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=bbm
I did mine. I think I did something wrong and didn't get it in the bbm group. ggeeezzz... I'm a ding dong...Jackie would laugh at me right now and then with all sincerity say, "Di, it doesn't matter where it is, it only matters that you did it."
I MISS HER ! !
-
as the credits roll....
She was a friend of mine.
Everytime I hear her name Lord,
I just can't keep from cryin'
'Cause she was a friend of mine........
-
A toast to you, Jackie, and to everyone gathered to remember Jackie today. Big, giant, tight hugs and tons of love from Mia and Marleen.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi67.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh289%2Faltonsvensson%2FIMG_2489.jpg&hash=9ee8fb8d4efde44cb9d727ac619f32d84654477f)
Jackie, we miss you. :'(
-
I posted on my blog about Jackie and Heath. http://brianaralph.blogspot.com/2008/01/sad-day.html
A lovely lady from Louisiana who reads has just posted this.
Brian, what a lovely and moving post. "Brokeback Mountain" had a powerful effect on me, too, although I am not gay. The portrayal of these two young men in an environment in which there literally was no context in which to place their feelings and experiences, just blew me away. Heath's performance was extraordinary.
I offer a prayer for Jackie. May she rest in peace and rise in glory. I offer you and the other members of the community my sympathy and prayers, too.
I am part of a rather loosely organized online community, and I have met a group of them of them in New York, and one in New Orleans. I consider those whom I have met and those whom I have not met as my friends. Not once have I been disappointed in meeting the people in real life. They were just as I expected them to be - or better.
May God bless you.
-
(It's hard to catch up with everything that's going on here being overseas...)
I just want to say I'm thinking of Jackie (and Heath) pretty much all the time and am glad for their sakes to read some of you all have been able to meet up today for a memory get-together!
Also, I want to thank TwistEnnis for posting this one of Jackie many posts worth remembering. I am missing her voice and personal messages, emails, letters, cards and and phone/webcam convos... So all her posts are a precious addition - this one encouraging and an example of her courage.
I cannot belive she is gone.
What I Need (page 199)
Brokeback Mountain allowed me to come to terms with some issues in my past, but somewhere, lurking in the back of my mind, I knew there was more; I just couldn't find it. In the last few days, I have pieced together my thoughts, fears, and needs, to explain to myself what happened to me.
It was after reading the story three times, searching my soul long and hard, and facing what I knew to be the truth, that I made a radical decision: I quit my job after nineteen years! I can't believe I'm putting it in writing. I'm staying on to wrap up some projects, but I'm out at the end of the month. I'm looking for a job, though no prospects yet. I'm divorced, fifty-seven years old, with two kids and five grandchildren, and I did the stupidest and bravest thing I may have done in my life.
I can't live in misery for fear of what the future may hold, not anymore. I am laughing to myself, at myself because- though on some level I'm scared to death- I feel a lightness of heart that I have not felt in forever. None of you here made my decision for me, but all of you here enveloped me in love, compassion, and understanding. You helped me to come to terms with myself and what I need for myself, not for what I thought other people expected. Bless you all.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi62.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh95%2Fnaxman_photos%2Fstuff%2Fjackie22.jpg&hash=a82bd8dd73982a0c309f2a2b952117717360b246)
Thankyou
-
To Jackie:
Like a Summer storm gathering strength, her wind lifted
us like leaves on a tree, gave us life, love and happiness.
And like a summer storm, it has now passed and left us
tossed. But grateful for the visit.
gerry
I posted this early in the Diner where Jackie loved to sit and just chat,
and thought I'd copy it over here.
-
Say not in grief that she is no more
but say in thankfulness that she was
A death is not the extinguishing of a light,
but the putting out of the lamp
because the dawn has come.
Tagore
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi41.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fe267%2Fnickjadegreen%2Fapricotrose.jpg&hash=ae4eb2a6982c72178e21270ec95f75f349a8d65e)
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Jackie,
My spirit is there at your place with you, across the Pacific Ocean and over the miles.
:-* :-*
Rei-g/Reiko
-
I haven't seen Rodney - is his health such that he can even be with us? Or has something happened to him and I don't know about it...
Oh my dear Heidi, thanks so much for remembering me and asking about me. I've been doing quite well once I returned to Florida in October and allowed myself the opportunity to recuperate in relative peace. Lately I've been planning my move to Denver which will be in mid March. Next week however I'm flying to Denver, where among other things I'll be officiating at an event we shall be holding iin the City of Denver in memory of our dear Jackie and Heath. I wish I could have joined the group traveling to Maryland this weekend, but it just wasn't in the cards. Please know that I am there in spirit.
Rodney
-
Dear Paula and other friends of Jackie,
I just got back from College Park and Jackie's apartment. I must apologize for being late. I am so sorry I missed all of you. I forgot that I promised a neighbor I would help him with an errand this morning, so I didn't arrive at Jackie's apartment until almost 3PM, and by then everyone had apparently left, because no one answered the door or phone. Someone let me into the building and I knocked at #306, but no one answered. I also called the phone number 007 that rings in Jackie's apartment. I got a message that said to call her daughter Joanne's number that was left on the machine - but there was no answer when I called Joanne's a couple of times, so I decided to just come on back to Springfield.
Please don't feel bad - I was the one who messed up my signals. But I just feel so bad that I missed the chance to tell you how terrific it was to meet Jackie. I was not as close to her as so many others, but I met her several times for a viewing of Brokeback Mountain, the last time being at the Univ. of Maryland several months ago. I remember she was excited at the possibility she might discuss Brokeback in one of the film classes over there - I don't know if she ever got a chance to do that. We also chatted about some of our favorite film scores and discovered how much we both enjoy the music to The Big Country and others.
I know that Jackie is laughing at me from where she is - at my maladroit wanderings around College Park. (This sort of thing has happened to me before. I need to be tethered to make sure I get where I want to go!)
She was just a bit older that I am, but far more skilled at technology. She even isolated a picture of my head from one of our group photos and emailed it to me, so I could then email it to other friends who were wondering what I look like.
Well I could go on, but let me say just one more time that she will be very much missed, and that I am sure she is where all good hearted souls are gathered.
Hugs to you all.
Richard B.
(greylocke5)
-
I arrived at Washington later than planned...my flight was delayed over an hour...Chicago's weather ...I'm in David's house ....gorgeous home...the room is great,cozy.
We had some wine (which went straight to my head,btw) and talked baout Jackie...all her sweetness...telling stories of her...*sigh* ....I'm sooo tired but when I saw this picture...this is EXACTLY how I feel right now....just so surreal
there will only be about 10 of us tomorrow....but that's okay...you ALL will be in our thoughts...I swear!!
Godd night....oh wait...good morning....
(((hugs)))
Nellie
Just because.....
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi62.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh86%2FBrokenOkie%2FHPIM3254.jpg&hash=1b1cc3c1c87f38a35922287a7dd6fbe27ce9a235)
Hello to all, I am a coworker of Nellie and she told me of this forum where she has become a part of a 'family' of people that to me is simply amazing. This is my first time on a forum of any kind....and the 'power' within these messages is wonderful. I have only known Nellie for 6 months and know noone else on here, but wanted to express my deepest sympathy. Brokeback Mountain apparently made an awesome impact on many lives and brought so may people together, more than I would have ever imagined. I am a gay man in my late 30's that grew up in Basin, Wyoming knowing of some issues that people face... and just to say that the power of friends and family and a positive attitude is what gets you by. You are all in my thoughts and thank you for your time.....and Nellie, please come home safe... see you next week.
Charlie :(
-
Charlie
Welcome. Thank you for your thoughts for Jackie.
Please come back soon
Sal ;D
-
CHARLIE...
it was sweet of you to come by. i know it will please nellie to no end. i hope you will come back often, and read all you want, and chat amongst us. the diner and the introduction threads are great starts. you have no idea how welcoming a community can be.
and besides, we can ALWAYS use some more 30ish gay men around here ;) ;=
-
I didn't arrive at Jackie's apartment until almost 3PM, and by then everyone had apparently left,
Richard,
I feel so sorry for you. The gathering was on the main floor in the community room. We were all there from 1-5. :(
goaboydc
-
CHARLIE...
it was sweet of you to come by. i know it will please nellie to no end. i hope you will come back often, and read all you want, and chat amongst us. the diner and the introduction threads are great starts. you have no idea how welcoming a community can be.
and besides, we can ALWAYS use some more 30ish gay men around here ;) ;=
You are inappropriately incorrigible. :D
-
I didn't arrive at Jackie's apartment until almost 3PM, and by then everyone had apparently left,
Richard,
I feel so sorry for you. The gathering was on the main floor in the community room. We were all there from 1-5. :(
goaboydc
Oh dear, poor Richard.
-
Hey guys,
When I have been out I can do no more than to rush home and catch up on this thread... Its amazing all the things that people are writing about precious Jackie... She simply touched the world over with her love and kindness...
I was out with a friend tonight... Mehmet... Martina, Florian, Jari, Petri, Marc and Marleen met him... He of the 'hell0 my lovely fame'
He was so sweet, we sat on sofa's in the Duke Of Wellington, knocking back double Bombays and tonic and I told him all about Jackie... He said... 'She sounds so lovely my lovely' - I nearly burst into tears on the spot...
Sorry again, not to be with you guys in Maryland, Brokeback Towers, and The Hotel Foxette today, but my thoughts have been constantly with you...
Love and love again
Wayne
-
I remember walking into Aunties Texas BBQ, a bit nervous and very apprehensive about even making the trip, as I didn't know anyone there. I wandered around the yard for what seemed to be an eternity, and then there she was. Jackie came over to me and with a huge smile and open arms, she introduce herself and welcomed me in. I will never forget how she made me feel that wondeful summer day.
Sleep well dear friend.
L.A. Adrian
-
Its amazing all the things that people are writing about precious Jackie...
Zudos,
Fritz printed out your letter, and Paula passed it around for us all to read. You said some pretty amazing things yourself.
goaboydc
-
Its amazing all the things that people are writing about precious Jackie...
Zudos,
Fritz printed out your letter, and Paula passed it around for us all to read. You said some pretty amazing things yourself.
goaboydc
Thanks Joe... Good to see you in the pics... Thanks for going... and for sharing this...
And for that you need to come and hang out with us more....
Wayne
XXXXXX
-
Hello to All,
This is my first time on the Forum. My name is Paula; you may already know who I am. I am Jackie's daughter-in-law, hence my sing-in name of "JackiesDIL". Unlike my sister, who posted yesterday, I've never been one for brevity, and I'm not the greatest wordsmith. So, I'm hoping that you can set aside a little of your time to read and endure what is to follow. I'm not sure exactly what other people have quoted me on, so some of this may seem redundant, but I wanted you to "hear" it straight from me.
Dearest Paula, thanks so much for your incredlble initial post in this community whose feelings are so profoundly being poured out in memory of our dear Jackie. Let me add yet another photo or two. Here is Jackie listening intently at my reading of the short story at the BBQ in Estes Park:
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi42.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fe328%2Flilfritzinfl%2FJackieReadingSM.jpg&hash=77916453d833c6f67f54e50bf9f5780ab700ce7c)
Here is a photo of Jackie caressing items from my large collection of memorabilia, this being Ennis' fishing gear:
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi42.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fe328%2Flilfritzinfl%2FJackieFishingGear.jpg&hash=591efc3406436887d9b4a07ff6242f543155e144)
It is not difficult for me to keep on talking about our dear Jackie. I'm so proud to have been part of "Jackie's harem."
-
Hello to all, I am a coworker of Nellie and she told me of this forum where she has become a part of a 'family' of people that to me is simply amazing. This is my first time on a forum of any kind....and the 'power' within these messages is wonderful. I have only known Nellie for 6 months and know noone else on here, but wanted to express my deepest sympathy. Brokeback Mountain apparently made an awesome impact on many lives and brought so may people together, more than I would have ever imagined. I am a gay man in my late 30's that grew up in Basin, Wyoming knowing of some issues that people face... and just to say that the power of friends and family and a positive attitude is what gets you by. You are all in my thoughts and thank you for your time.....and Nellie, please come home safe... see you next week.
Charlie :(
Hello Charlie and WELCOME to our wonderful forum.
Just in case you haven't yet perceived it, your/our Nellie is LOVED by so many of us, in a similar way to how Jackie is loved.
If you ever feel that you want to share your own story, please come on over to the How Brokeback Affected Me thread and share it with us. Not many post there these days, but many read there every day, just waiting to welcome new posters on there.
JohnnyX a long long way away in oz.
-
SCENE: A PORCH STAIRS SOMEWHERE UP IN HEAVEN
Late in the afternoon, thunder growling, that same old green pickup rolled in, and Ennis saw Jackie get out of the truck, beat-up Resistol tilted back. A hot jolt scalded him and he was out on the landing.
ENNIS hurried down the stairs, taking them two at a time.
They seized each other...hugged mightily, squeezing the breath out of each other, saying, son of a bitch, son of a bitch.
ENNIS: Welcome home, Jackie. Welcome home...
-
Marakesh-- this one's from Melissa's vid
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi114.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fn279%2Fspacegal471%2FPersonal%2Fjackie.png&hash=0e59678d7e15223bd7b18bc2bdd6988359277c98)
Actually that is a picture I took at the planetarium. Everyone was freezing and it was hard to get them to stand still long enuf for my shaking hands holding the camera to focus!!
-
I didn't arrive at Jackie's apartment until almost 3PM, and by then everyone had apparently left,
Richard,
I feel so sorry for you. The gathering was on the main floor in the community room. We were all there from 1-5. :(
goaboydc
There was no one at the reception desk so I assumed that folks had left to go to Paula's house.
My mistake. But as you all can understand, my thinking has been rather distracted by events this past week.
-
Here is my photo with Jackie (in the two-tone jacket on the left). Adam (EDelMar) is on the right in Ennis's coat. He was the official van driver at the Oscar Night gathering, and he insisted on having Jackie in the passenger seat next to him. EDelMar is one of the people arranging the Memorial Service for Jackie and Heath in Denver on February 9, in addition to RodneyWY (second from left) and myself.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.divshare.com%2Fimg%2F177801-61a.JPG&hash=dd49961f690cb3d9d9085c56a2bf779d3f117db8)
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No need to RSVP--We are lookin forward to welcoming you w open arms!!
-
Lee-- thank you for the clearer version of the picture. I'll treasure it always.
-
SCENE: A PORCH STAIRS SOMEWHERE UP IN HEAVEN
Late in the afternoon, thunder growling, that same old green pickup rolled in, and Ennis saw Jackie get out of the truck, beat-up Resistol tilted back. A hot jolt scalded him and he was out on the landing.
ENNIS hurried down the stairs, taking them two at a time.
They seized each other...hugged mightily, squeezing the breath out of each other, saying, son of a bitch, son of a bitch.
ENNIS: Welcome home, Jackie. Welcome home...
Oh man... :'( :)
-
Last night before going to bed, I called Nellie and had a great conversation with her and Paula as they travelled back to Paula's...
Thanks guys for letting me be a small part of your day... It meant a lot :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
-
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fbaycityforums.com%2Fimages%2FJackie%2FJackie1.jpg&hash=b908b1e7b8e03a3af4880d5da2aea0b5d78967c4)
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fbaycityforums.com%2Fimages%2FJackie%2FJackie2.jpg&hash=48047b12257e289c7853af8f3754392460e79648)
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fbaycityforums.com%2Fimages%2FJackie%2FJackie3.jpg&hash=ee59dc755da23f5cc4b31f6f66144cee7818d52e)
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fbaycityforums.com%2Fimages%2FJackie%2FJackie4.jpg&hash=f4653243bbd4987617e9f645b42afc180ba07244)
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fbaycityforums.com%2Fimages%2FJackie%2FJackie5.jpg&hash=f72a634f9d23646ad5228d69b93baafa664a72ce)
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Jackie got a real kick out of this pic that i posted a long time ago.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fbaycityforums.com%2Fimages%2FCB.jpg&hash=60b0c6316107d1f231c168338b6902d48275466b)
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fbaycityforums.com%2Fimages%2FJackie%2FJackie1.jpg&hash=b908b1e7b8e03a3af4880d5da2aea0b5d78967c4)
I love Jackie's impish smile in this pic. I remember that look when she and I were discussing "secrets" at brad's place.
*sigh*
-
It's been really nice to see so many pics of Jackie at the Oscar Night event in Bay City.
I'm really pleased that I had the chance to bring everyone together for good times, and
especially pleased that Jackie was able to attend.
It wouldn't have been the same without her there.
Jackie brought a gift to Bay City for me.
She was a little worried that I might not like it too much.
It's an old book about railroading that was printed in the late 50's.
As soon as I opened the cover of the book I said :
"OMG, how did you know?
Jackie said: "How did I know what honey"?
I said: "I had this book when I was a kid. I used to read it and look at the pictures all the time"
Jackie always knew the right thing to say and the right gift to give.
-
When I moved out here to California, Jackie would call me a couple of times a week to make sure I was doing ok.
She was the big sister I never had.
She also sent me a package of those famous oatmeal cookies.
I'll always think of Jackie when I have oatmeal cookies.
-
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fbaycityforums.com%2Fimages%2FJackie%2FJackie2.jpg&hash=48047b12257e289c7853af8f3754392460e79648)
The look here on Jackie's face says it all...
Smiling, warm loving, yet with humility and vulnerability...
My goodness... To never see this again in RL breaks my heart... :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
-
I've been searching for any video I took of Jackie, and this is all I could find.
It's mostly Melissa, but Jackie is there too. And Nelly.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcQmF73Iszk (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcQmF73Iszk)
-
Great pics and touching memories John... Thanks for sharing... :-*
-
Last night before going to bed, I called Nellie and had a great conversation with her and Paula as they travelled back to Paula's...
Thanks guys for letting me be a small part of your day... It meant a lot :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
:-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :'( :'(
-
Its amazing all the things that people are writing about precious Jackie...
Zudos,
Fritz printed out your letter, and Paula passed it around for us all to read. You said some pretty amazing things yourself.
goaboydc
here you are,Joe.....I finally know who you are in this Forum...it was soooo nice to have met you...really...
many hugs((joe))
Nellie
-
(((((((((((((((((((((((((Nellie)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
You were in my thoughts all day yesterday, all of you.
-
Dear Paula and other friends of Jackie,
I just got back from College Park and Jackie's apartment. I must apologize for being late. I am so sorry I missed all of you. I forgot that I promised a neighbor I would help him with an errand this morning, so I didn't arrive at Jackie's apartment until almost 3PM, and by then everyone had apparently left, because no one answered the door or phone. Someone let me into the building and I knocked at #306, but no one answered. I also called the phone number 007 that rings in Jackie's apartment. I got a message that said to call her daughter Joanne's number that was left on the machine - but there was no answer when I called Joanne's a couple of times, so I decided to just come on back to Springfield.
Please don't feel bad - I was the one who messed up my signals. But I just feel so bad that I missed the chance to tell you how terrific it was to meet Jackie. I was not as close to her as so many others, but I met her several times for a viewing of Brokeback Mountain, the last time being at the Univ. of Maryland several months ago. I remember she was excited at the possibility she might discuss Brokeback in one of the film classes over there - I don't know if she ever got a chance to do that. We also chatted about some of our favorite film scores and discovered how much we both enjoy the music to The Big Country and others.
I know that Jackie is laughing at me from where she is - at my maladroit wanderings around College Park. (This sort of thing has happened to me before. I need to be tethered to make sure I get where I want to go!)
She was just a bit older that I am, but far more skilled at technology. She even isolated a picture of my head from one of our group photos and emailed it to me, so I could then email it to other friends who were wondering what I look like.
Well I could go on, but let me say just one more time that she will be very much missed, and that I am sure she is where all good hearted souls are gathered.
Hugs to you all.
Richard B.
(greylocke5)
I'm so so sorry....there were many people there and the family went to the activity room...just straight up as you walk in....we feel terrible and regret not putting up a sign...a PM is on it's way
Nellie XO
-
(((((((((((((((((((((((((Nellie)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
You were in my thoughts all day yesterday, all of you.
(((((((((((((((((((((((( JARI )))))))))))))))))))))))))
and you in ours...
N...XO
-
I'll call you later...
-
I arrived at Washington later than planned...my flight was delayed over an hour...Chicago's weather ...I'm in David's house ....gorgeous home...the room is great,cozy.
We had some wine (which went straight to my head,btw) and talked baout Jackie...all her sweetness...telling stories of her...*sigh* ....I'm sooo tired but when I saw this picture...this is EXACTLY how I feel right now....just so surreal
there will only be about 10 of us tomorrow....but that's okay...you ALL will be in our thoughts...I swear!!
Godd night....oh wait...good morning....
(((hugs)))
Nellie
Just because.....
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi62.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh86%2FBrokenOkie%2FHPIM3254.jpg&hash=1b1cc3c1c87f38a35922287a7dd6fbe27ce9a235)
Hello to all, I am a coworker of Nellie and she told me of this forum where she has become a part of a 'family' of people that to me is simply amazing. This is my first time on a forum of any kind....and the 'power' within these messages is wonderful. I have only known Nellie for 6 months and know noone else on here, but wanted to express my deepest sympathy. Brokeback Mountain apparently made an awesome impact on many lives and brought so may people together, more than I would have ever imagined. I am a gay man in my late 30's that grew up in Basin, Wyoming knowing of some issues that people face... and just to say that the power of friends and family and a positive attitude is what gets you by. You are all in my thoughts and thank you for your time.....and Nellie, please come home safe... see you next week.
Charlie :(
OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charlie........ :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*...you have NOOOOOOOOOOO idea how much this means to me...no idea...I'm lost for words now :'( :'( :'( :'(
-
I'll call you later...
yes....:-*
-
Hi,
I posted this too for Jackie, our dear friend and inspiration --> http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28516.msg1160890#msg1160890
My heart aches for everyone she touched in this life - she is missed.
Peace.
Vincent
-
Paula, if that green wind chime is still hanging in the corner by the computer (my gift to Jackie), give it a nudge tomorrow and that will be me saying bonjour to everyone.
We did hon......we did...((hugs))
Nellie...XO
-
OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charlie........ :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*...you have NOOOOOOOOOOO idea how much this means to me...no idea...I'm lost for words now :'( :'( :'( :'(
I remember thinking, she's gonna be so surprised.... I'm glad you are....... I felt good for you when I first saw his post.
Thanks for everything Nells and am glad you were able to attend and meet jackies families. :-*
-
I read this poem yesterday and sent it to a few close friends and then thought I should post it here too. It helped me this week and I thought it might help others. It is a poem that Mary Oliver wrote during a time when she was dealing with the loss of her long-time partner and trying to come to grips with the grief and with God.
I really felt while reading it that I could hear Jackie's voice too. The words seem like bits of wisdom that she would impart to us with her ever-positive yet discerning view of the world.
Heavy
By Mary Oliver
That time
I thought I could not
go any closer to grief
without dying
I went closer,
and I did not die.
Surely God
had His hand in this,
as well as friends.
Still, I was bent,
and my laughter,
as the poet said,
was nowhere to be found.
Then said my friend Daniel
(brave even among lions),
"It's not the weight you carry
but how you carry it -
books, bricks, grief -
it's all in the way
you embrace it, balance it, carry it
when you cannot, and would not,
put it down."
So I went practicing.
Have you noticed?
Have you heard
the laughter
that comes, now and again,
out of my startled mouth?
How I linger
to admire, admire, admire
the things of this world
that are kind, and maybe
also troubled -
roses in the wind,
the sea geese on the steep waves,
a love
to which there is no reply?
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OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charlie........ :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*...you have NOOOOOOOOOOO idea how much this means to me...no idea...I'm lost for words now :'( :'( :'( :'(
I remember thinking, she's gonna be so surprised.... I'm glad you are....... I felt good for you when I first saw his post.
Thanks for everything Nells and am glad you were able to attend and meet jackies families. :-*
:-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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Nellie you travelled so far to be there... OMG its amazing...
You truly are Jackie's best friend... :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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It's been really nice to see so many pics of Jackie at the Oscar Night event in Bay City.
I'm really pleased that I had the chance to bring everyone together for good times, and
especially pleased that Jackie was able to attend.
Yes, and we are all so happy we made the trip up to the frozen North for that warm welcome to ourselves!! In these latest dark days I have been comforted a lot by looking at my photos of the Bay City get-together. Here's one of Eric, Adam, and Jackie looking through Adam's Brokeback Mountain treasures:
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.divshare.com%2Fimg%2F3617854-0e9.JPG&hash=51ca3576beab5a49f8bbca135feca51915ce6f9b)
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She is at right here in a group picture I took in front of the State Theater where Brokeback Mountain was shown.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.divshare.com%2Fimg%2F3617856-224.jpg&hash=eb7fd6fa280e6ef4ae916a65976cc4df7d5cb3c5)
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When PaintedShoes spoke, EVERYBODY listened!!
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.divshare.com%2Fimg%2F3617855-f13.JPG&hash=90bc4ffe3f9a2f651514aca47c0521d9ba78669d)
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I didn't get to talk much with Jackie while at the BBQ, because I was too busy cooking. But, later on, I went on the hayride with her and we had a great time. Here she is at the BBQ:
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.divshare.com%2Fimg%2F3617852-278.jpg&hash=be71dcd1f2ba0291c137581b38b8c5d2b361b4cc)
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Here she is at the hoe-down we had on the last night of the BBQ at LoveEmBoys' place:
* edited by Loveemboys because this image comes across as a 17 Meg bitmap. Lee - Ill PM you.
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here you are,Joe.....I finally know who you are in this Forum...it was soooo nice to have met you...really...
Nellie,
It was a pleasure meeting you as well. Hopefully, I'll be around more than I have in the past few months.
FWIW
goaboydc
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Thanks for the awesome tribute to Jackie in the DS, whoever put it together. I didn't see where I could post a thank you, but thank you.
I'm in awe of the community you all have created and I, a lurker more than participant, have been greatly moved by all of it.
Blessings to everyone.
Julie
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Anything you want to say....say it here....Jackie's family checks in and reads EVERYTHING when they have the time.....this is very comforting for them to see all these posts....to be able to read all this...
THANK YOU ALL for doing this.....puts a great smile on my Rican face...;D
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John..(Desperadum)
Thank you SOOOO much for the wonderful cake...I made sure Jackie's family knew who it came from....it was DELICIOUS and they said it was the best cake they ever had!! I swear to God,they really said that.. ;D :-* :-* :-*
It meant a lot
Nellie...XO
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Here is Jackie at the hoedown again.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.divshare.com%2Fimg%2F3617847-fd4.jpg&hash=3a7bf1e2d78a1f639f1841e6e87d17cf96600fca)
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Thank you to the wonderful people who put together the TDS Special for Jackie. It brought so many tears, so many memories, so much longing, so much sadness.
I haven't said much about Jackie and our friendship. She was, of course, one of the first people to welcome me to the Diner. I had been hanging around in the fan threads and very tentively hopped in there one day. I was nervous. She welcomed me with open arms - on the thread, through pm's. I felt like a movie star! She had an amazing way with people and she made me feel comfortable, loved, special. Everything good a person wants to feel.
When I started spending more time in the Diner, I saw much more of her. Whenever she showed up, it was like rays of sunshine just flowed into the place. She was supportive, caring, informative, helpful, and funny as hell. We were joking about drinking one day and she was simply hysterical. She was always on the phone, always here, always pm'ing, Skyping. She devoted a huge part of her life to caring for us. She was and always will be the matriarch of this forum.
My biggest sorrow comes from the fact that she and I had started to become closer the last few months of her life, right at the time she became ill and began to leave us. As with so many others, we began making plans for more personal contact. She pm'd me her Skype address I don't know how many times. She told me over and over how excited she was about meeting me in Oxford. I told her the same. We talked about my first trip to London - my first trip meeting Brokies. She told me how wonderful it was going to be for me to feel the loving hugs of the people there. She was so happy for me - and joked about how jealous she was. She was, as always, right about London.
When I got to London, I received the news that she wasn't feeling well. I had the privilege of speaking to her on the phone - a moment that I won't ever forget. It breaks my heart that our friendship was blossoming just as she was taken from us. She was a big part of my time on the forum and I miss her like hell. I will always miss her.
My very deepest messages of condolence - from the bottom of my broken heart - go out to Jackie's wonderful family and friends. I can't imagine the pain you're feeling. My arms are always hugging you, through all of this. The best thing I can do for her is try to live my life in a way that I think she'd be proud of. I'm going to try my best to make her proud.
All my love,
Marleen (Tammy)
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Just because.....
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi62.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh86%2FBrokenOkie%2FHPIM3254.jpg&hash=1b1cc3c1c87f38a35922287a7dd6fbe27ce9a235)
I just had to repost this picture, Nellie, this is one of the most gorgeous photos I have ever seen (well done, Glenn!)....
I've been catching up here this morning and my heart feels lighter after reading of all the memories, of all the beauty that was, and is, our Jackie.
I'm so glad that members of Jackie's Forum family were able to visit with Paula and family.....
Today, for me, and I hope for others here, there are fewer tears, and more smiles...I think Jackie would have wanted it that way.
:) :) :) :) :) :)
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OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charlie........ :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*...you have NOOOOOOOOOOO idea how much this means to me...no idea...I'm lost for words now :'( :'( :'( :'(
I remember thinking, she's gonna be so surprised.... I'm glad you are....... I felt good for you when I first saw his post.
Thanks for everything Nells and am glad you were able to attend and meet jackies families. :-*
what he said^^, and i told him so, or tried to.
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It was suggested that I repost these pictures here:
Linda, Joe, Dave, Debbie, Earl, Chuck on Saturday 26 January 2008 at the gathering at Jackie's place to celebrate her life.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00635.jpg&hash=138396982c6a2ff5ca5e9ff31c1d1029b35939c0)
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00637.jpg&hash=c5bcdc0c39fd1afcf84faced3b4c9bc077d2ea80)
Linda, Debbie, Chuck
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00638.jpg&hash=442fabc6de2304e5b9323f5b333691e9562d1c18)
Chuck & Earl
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00639.jpg&hash=f73416032b474d0c36f38f06bd938e4eb6acd92e)
Chuck, Earl & Dave
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00640.jpg&hash=d9cf3a2c53d5df756e560c045cd379b6b257a76e)
Paula & Nellie
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00641.jpg&hash=d1560140c19d3aec42e32b230a02cc33dcc7c4cd)
Debbie, Linda & Joe
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00643.jpg&hash=5f229d6cc0bc19508254104b9b425e80e8d69dd9)
Earl & Linda
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00645-1.jpg&hash=34f2ed4ce6a3599854ef5f99c99872505581952d)
Linda & Fritz
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00646.jpg&hash=085c6b7a47376274275dea94e64159f0fb3b789f)
Chuck & Nellie
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Fritz thank you so much, wonderful pictures!! :-*
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00647.jpg&hash=2e7c8c3f5edf1d49bc075be0cce0c310211faee5)
Nellie & Earl
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00651.jpg&hash=f81ab884311940be6d11870c0c2a33efbb7b2fe4)
Earl (Spruceman), Fritz (Fritzkep), Joe (Goaboydc), Nellie (McNell1120), Dave (Djbdc9), Debbie (Dejavu), Auntie Linda (Killersmom), & Chuck (CellarDweller115)
That's it, just some repeated insurance shots. There were more cameras and more pictures to be posted when people return to their computers!
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Thank you, Lola!
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FDSC00640.jpg&hash=d9cf3a2c53d5df756e560c045cd379b6b257a76e)
Paula & Nellie
Two beautiful, wonderful ladies. Little wonder Jackie loved you both so very, very much.
For all you've done to honor Jackie and her wishes, thank you.
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John..(Desperadum)
Thank you SOOOO much for the wonderful cake...I made sure Jackie's family knew who it came from....it was DELICIOUS and they said it was the best cake they ever had!! I swear to God,they really said that.. ;D :-* :-* :-*
It meant a lot
Nellie...XO
Nellie, I'm so glad to know that, thanks for telling me! Conveying all the information for the order was a bit of an ordeal for the lady I spoke to on the phone, so I didn't think she could handle a note to go with it! But I'm glad it got there and turned out OK. It was one of the options she gave me after she told me they didn't make cherry cake!! I really appreciate your letting me know! :-* Love seeing the pictures. Know you must be beat, but hope you have safe travels home.
Hugs,
John
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Fritz, thanks so much for all the great photos....seeing everyone smiling and looking so good.....Jackie must be beaming! :)
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I was so glad to get home and see these pics... and you all had happy Jackie faces, glowing with your love and admiration for our dear friend. She would have been pleased as punch, I bet! Look forward to more. :-* :'( :-* :'(
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I was so glad to get home and see these pics... and you all had happy Jackie faces, glowing with your love and admiration for our dear friend. She would have been pleased as punch, I bet! Look forward to more. :-* :'( :-* :'(
Me too!! AND you look beautiful Nellie, you really do! Jackie would be so proud of all you have done. She would be so proud of all you guys!
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Des, that cake was so delicious! Makes me wish I had a piece to eat right now! :D
Thank you!
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Des, that cake was so delicious! Makes me wish I had a piece to eat right now! :D
Thank you!
My pleasure, Fritz - the description sounded good, so I'm glad it turned out OK.
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I want to share this with you all and hope that Paula doesn't mind.
Paula and I were outside yesterday at the gathering, chatting, mostly smalltalk. I mentioned that on the way over to Jackie's yesterday, I pulled up at the red light just down the street from my condo. As I looked in front of me, there was an SUV, its tag staring me right in the face. The car was from Wyoming. She smiled, and we both agreed that everything seemed to be oddly coincidental lately. Just then, she stopped and said, "The bag, that's where it ended up." I looked at her curiously, the way you do when someone comes out with a non sequitur. She pointed, and I turned around to look. I asked, "What bag is that?" She wanted to know if I had ever seen "American Beauty," and I said, "Yes. Oh, you mean the video of the bag at the end." We both agreed that the scene was a wonderful little piece of cinematography. She said that she and Jackie had seen it together, and Jackie had always wondered where the bag finally ended up. Paula looked at the plastic bag hanging in the tree and said, "That's where it ended up."
It was a sweet moment, too nice not to share.
FWIW
goaboydc
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi79.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fj157%2Fdjbdc9%2FIMG_1603-1.jpg&hash=b72858ab3a9a7d164eabb537650cdecb20bc5115)
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Looks like our Forum Family was well represented at the gathering in honor of Jackie.
Thank you all for sharing the experience and photos, and a big Thank You to Jackie's Maryland Family for extending the invitation to be a part of the day.
Jay
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi79.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fj157%2Fdjbdc9%2FIMG_1598.jpg&hash=a7d696d212860648aa4ee22747a8693594019426)
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Must have been real lucky on this beautiful day when I caught this fabulous photo of Jackie! :D
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Wonderful pictures, Dave, especially the last!
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This picture reminds me of how I felt whenever Jackie greeted me online, by post or PM. She wrapped me a big virtual hug every single time. I told her once of her impact on me and everyone, and she had trouble believing it. But I think I made a dent when I confessed how hard it is for me to reach out and for her it was just an instinct. She didn't think it was such a big deal, but I let her know how much it meant to all of us. I know all of you told her the same thing, and I think she finally understood her role and relished it. By golly, she greeted just about every newcomer that ever came to the "Affected" thread, always with loving words and warm regard. What a gift she was and is to us. She's the reason many stayed to discover the wonderful community we have here.
God bless you, Jackie, as you have blessed us.
Betty
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Love it, David. Absolutely love it. :-*
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Must have been real lucky on this beautiful day when I caught this fabulous photo of Jackie! :D
Right place, right time, right people, David. And it's the lead photo in today's TDS Tribute to Jackie.
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This is stunning - thank you :-*
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I want to share this with you all and hope that Paula doesn't mind.
Paula and I were outside yesterday at the gathering, chatting, mostly smalltalk. I mentioned that on the way over to Jackie's yesterday, I pulled up at the red light just down the street from my condo. As I looked in front of me, there was an SUV, its tag staring me right in the face. The car was from Wyoming. She smiled, and we both agreed that everything seemed to be oddly coincidental lately. Just then, she stopped and said, "The bag, that's where it ended up." I looked at her curiously, the way you do when someone comes out with a non sequitur. She pointed, and I turned around to look. I asked, "What bag is that?" She wanted to know if I had ever seen "American Beauty," and I said, "Yes. Oh, you mean the video of the bag at the end." We both agreed that the scene was a wonderful little piece of cinematography. She said that she and Jackie had seen it together, and Jackie had always wondered where the bag finally ended up. Paula looked at the plastic bag hanging in the tree and said, "That's where it ended up."
It was a sweet moment, too nice not to share.
FWIW
goaboydc
Thank you for this...."The bag that dances with the wind".....
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Ingy posted someting about bag in the wind inrelation to Jackie's passing too.... isn't it weird how our minds create similar images and metaphors over the oceans?
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I'm always going to remember Jackie every time I see a "dancing bag"
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I looked up what Ingmar said:
http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28459.msg1149299#msg1149299
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I'm always going to remember Jackie every time I see a "dancing bag"
Me too.
Thank you for the photos and the stories. It's all so touching.
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Jackie would occasionally call me "Chuckilicious", althought not very often.
Imagine my surprise when I introduced myself to Paula, and her eyes got very wide, and she said....
"Chuck! You're Chuckilicious!"
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Thanks so much to all of you who so lovingly kept the rest of us updated..with your pictures and words.
Without Jackie, there is such a void.
{{{{{HUGS}}}}} to all.
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I just went through the first 10 pages of this thread... maybe a few less than that, maybe a few more.
Jackie was still with us then.
She still is.
Her spirit resides in us all.
Hugs to all my brothers and sisters here.
Rob
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I just got my internet connection back after being off a few weeks. And I find that Jackie's gone and not coming back. This really sucks. I'm very sad and I'm also angry that we can lose good people more easily than we can lose the bad ones.
Fare well, Jackie. One last hug.
Lance
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Her spirit resides in us all.
Hugs to all my brothers and sisters here.
Rob
(((((((((Big hugs to you, Rob))))))))))))
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Fritz asked that I post my photos from the gathering at Jackie's apartment over on this thread, too, so that her family could see them.
Fritz and David have already posted quite a few good ones, but I'll pick out some of mine that are different and post them, also.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi199.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Faa298%2Fdejavu91%2FI02earlfritz.jpg&hash=8e49174089cad516644a5e9d9ee0d83f00fe197f)
Earl (Spruceman) and Fritz (Fritzkep).
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Linda (Killersmom) and David (Djbdc9)
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Nellie (McNell1120) with a floral arrangement in memory of Jackie.
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Linda (Killersmom) and Chuck (Cellardweller115)
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Chuck (Cellardweller115), Earl (Spruceman) and David (Djbdc9)
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi199.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Faa298%2Fdejavu91%2FcroppedNellie.jpg&hash=6a99a76512c8b552aef50c0c5689750b3718f668)
Nellie (McNell1120)
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Linda (Killersmom) listening to Chuck (Cellardweller115).
Linda's holding one of the pineapple sticks Jackie's family ordered as part of the delicious catered food. There were also sticks with about eight green and purple grapes on them, and all the sticks were arranged like a floral display.
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Nellie (McNell1120) and Chuck (Cellardweller115) watching some of Jackie's grandchildren (not pictured).
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Linda (Killersmom) and Joe (Goaboydc) with their wine glasses.
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Nellie (McNell1120) and David (Djbdc9)
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Nellie (McNell1120) and Chuck (Cellardweller115)
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Fritz (Fritzkep) and Linda (Killersmom) at the table
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It was an afternoon of serious conversation and reflection ...
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Linda (Killersmom) and Chuck (Cellardweller115)
... but Chuck still brought the Brokeback Mountain bumperstickers to hand out to anyone who hadn't received them yet.
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Fritz (Fritzkep), Linda (Killersmom) and Chuck (Cellardweller115)
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Fritz (Fritzkep) and Linda (Killersmom)
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And there were still some smiles ...
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Nellie (McNell1120)
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... and some laughter
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Linda (Killersmom) and Chuck (Cellardweller115)
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Finally it was time for dessert ...
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... cake with a mild coffee flavor, sent by John (Desperadum) in NYC.
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Nellie (McNell1120) eating cake, with Joe (Goaboydc) to the right of picture
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Nellie (McNell1120), Chuck (Cellardweller115), Fritz (Fritzkep) and Joe (Goaboydc) getting some laughs as they remember old times.
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Group discussion time ...
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Chuck (Cellardweller115), in center, leads the discussion.
Other listeners (besides Debbie, who was holding the camera) are
Nellie (McNell1120), far left; Fritz (Fritzkep), left, back to camera; David (Djbdc9), middle right, behind Chuck;
Earl (Spruceman), in cap, partially hidden at right; and Joe (Goaboydc), right, back to camera.
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Jackie's family have given me a wonderful privilege, in that they are sending 1/2 of Jackie's ashes to my home, to look after until the Oxford gathering in June...
I can not believe that The Painted Shoes, gets to come to my home after all... Its heartwrenching to know that we get some time together... Thank you so much for this privilege...
I can assure all of Jackie's friends and family that we will plan a wonderful, beautiful serene time to spread the ashes in Oxford, and in fact discussions are already underway...
The plan will of course be checked with Nellie, and the family to ensure that all Jackie's final wishes are complied with...
Thanks again for the responsibility, we will make sure our beautiful Painted Shoes has a perfect time in Oxford....
Wayne
XXXXX
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Afterwards we went outside to look at the bumperstickers on Chuck's car ...
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Jackie was a collector of all things Brokeback-related, and received her own set of bumperstickers when Chuck passed them out at the Estes Park BBQ last May.
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Chuck (Cellardweller115) points out his car's Brokeback Mountain bumperstickers
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Jackie's family have given me a wonderful privilege, in that they are sending 1/2 of Jackie's ashes to my home, to look after until the Oxford gathering in June...
I can not believe that The Painted Shoes, gets to come to my home after all... Its heartwrenching to know that we get some time together... Thank you so much for this privilege...
Wayne, this is wonderful news.
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Oh Wayne...Jackie wouldn't want it any other way....for you to have some time alone is wonderful,and having heard some of your plans with Nick,Sarah and Sal's help and everyone else...*sigh*...warms my heart...I can't wait to hear all about this..and possibly record this so we can send a copy to Jackie's family.....especially since I heard Sarah may sing...oh Lord...(sorry Sarah, to put you on the spot)...but Jackie will be soooo happy.. :-*
I understand the plan for the spreading of the ashes in Wyoming will be in June as well....the beginning of June I believe...the SAME time as the gathering in Wyoming,already being planned.....Jackie's family wants as many people possible and thought that having it the same time would mean that all of Jackie's friends would be able to attend...hopefully someone can organize all this...
As soon as I hear from Paula and Mark as to what their wishes and Jackie's are...I will relate this to you all...for the time being..please...any questions regarding this...PLEASE PM me and I can relate this to Jackie's family...
Thank you...
((hugs))
Nellie
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Just got home, and Tommy suggested we have a beer (German Bitburger), reminisce and toast Jackie's memory, which we did.
Prost, Jackie!
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Oh Wayne, how wonderful! To have Jackie in your home before the final goodbye. Bless you.
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Ladies and Gentlemen,
Just to keep you in the know here. This thread is going to be printed and bound for Jackie's family as part of their remembrance package. Many of you have wonderful banners and pictures of Jackie in your profiles/avatars that we would ask you keep in tact for at least the next 24 hours as they are fantastic tributes to Angel Jackie. Myself, Chuck, Ellen and Nellie greatly appreciate all the amazing comments and special remembrances you've all been sharing and that you've kept this thread alive with a sense of dignity and respect that surpasses the term 'class'. Thanks so much for your thoughts and memories, and please feel free to post further special comments/photos that you would love to see included in this thread's portfolio.
Thank you,
Adrian.
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When we feel the lonesome prairie wind
we let our souls get back to you again
we will never let you, we will never let you, we will never let you go.
Adapted lyrics by Gustavo Santaolalla/Jeremy Spillman | from the Brokeback Mountain soundtrack
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if the thread now is really printed for jackie's family (thank you, adrian, nellie and everybody who contributed to it !), it really needs a pic of those:
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jackie loved them so much, last year she even sent me a cristmas card with pyramids on them...
the pyramids will always have jackie's name on them for me.
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Oh Wayne, how wonderful! To have Jackie in your home before the final goodbye. Bless you.
Thanks Fritziee :-* :-* :-* :-*
And Martina, all I can say is perfecto :) :-*
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if the thread now is really printed for jackie's family (thank you, adrian, nellie and everybody who contributed to it !), it really needs a pic of those:
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fa.abcnews.com%2Fimages%2FTravel%2Fap_pyramids_070426_ms.jpg&hash=2bf52db089b0c3926be24d53cab30de445e8d79a)
jackie loved them so much, last year she even sent me a cristmas card with pyramids on them...
the pyramids will always have jackie's name on them for me.
You are absolutely right, ((((Martina))))... I posted a song about Egypt on the Music thread as well...
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My dear friend, Jackie,
It was an honor and a pleasure to have known you in my life even for this short time. You were a treasure beyond compare. You didn't realize it, but as you went about with your quiet grace and glued us all together and kept track of all of us, you yourself were blooming into an even more fascinating and beautiful multi-faceted person. I watched you go from a shy and retiring wallflower to an open and more confident woman. I can remember each milestone - telling us your name, about your family, and finally allowing pictures of yourself to be published without the obvious self-consciousness. You were a diamond in the rough in the beginning. A muddy, shapeless rock that had to have the roughness polished smooth and the ugly chipped away to become the exquisite gem that you are.
I am selfish in my grief because I still want you here with me, with us. I am envious of you now - weightless and free - and soaring on wings above all of us here. I will never forget you and your impact on my life. All the blessings of the universe upon you now.
Love,
Heidi
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Hello Joanne, Mark, and Paula,
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for inviting us over for Saturday.
It was a true pleasure to meet you all, and have the chance to come together and talk about Jackie, who meant so much to us all.
Your graciousness and kindness will not be forgoten, and neither will the smiles you greeted us with throughout the day. You all also helped me to realize that Jackie lives on in you, and her grandchildren.
Thanks again, for everything.
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Jackie, you gave me my nickname "Faithful Friend". In truth, it was one that you should've had. You were always there, just an email, PM or phone call away, ready to be of assistance to your forum family, to lend an ear, a shoulder, or welcome a new family member.
In my mind and heart, you are still doing this, at the gates of Heaven, welcoming all the new family members up there when they arrive.
There's a new star in Heaven now.
Love you,
Chuck
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Very nice post, Chuck.
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Dearest Joanne, Mark and Paula,
Thank you for sharing your mother/mother-in-law with us. All of us, as you, too, wish it could have been for a longer time, but we treasure the time we had.
Dearest Jackie, wonderful friend, excellent travel companion, great listener, and wise dispenser of advice, thank you for all that you did for me and for all of us, things known and things that will forever be secret.
Biggest beariest hugs, (((((((((((((((((((((((((((JACKIE)))))))))))))))))))))))))))!!!!! Love you!
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My dearest Hermana,
Have I told you lately how much I love you? Mucho bunches!! How I'm going to miss saying that.
How we talked about so much. Our dreams,our fears. We talked about our families,our friends and our shitty jobs. When we both got new jobs,we couldn't wait to tell it all.
Thank you so much for allowing me into your life these past 2 years. Thank you for letting me cry on your shoulder. You gave me hope,you gave me confidence and you loved me unconditionally. When it was your turn to vent or cry,I did my best to comfort you,and if I felt my words weren't enough,we cried together,just because. I hope I was able to be there for you just as much as you were there for me.
Jackie,thank you so much for sharing your wonderful family with me. Your beautiful grandchildren who called me Auntie Nellie. I looked into their eyes and I see you. Their grins were magical. It healed my soul and warmed my heart.
Jackie,did you see us there? Did you feel all of us?Do you know we all love you so? how you touched us all in some way. You may have not realized it then,but surely you do now. Did you hear us sing the other day? So off beat but we gave it our best. I'm sure you smiled,in fact, I KNOW you did. Are you on top of the world now? Do you feel free?
Oh sweet Jackie,I saw your apartment the other day. How I felt you there. Your scents,your soul. Did you hold my hand? What a dumb question,of course you did. I saw your pictures,the one's you drew. Why didn't you tell me you knew how to draw? Were you afraid to be the starving artist I thought I would be? Those pictures were beautiful,and how come you didn't tell me "Somewhere In Time" was your favorite,like mine?
Mi hermana,I walked outside your balcony that day....I wanted to see what you saw thru your eyes...and please don't be mad at me..I smoked a cigarette while I was out there. I couldn't help it,but I promise it will be the last. I walked inside your bedroom too,and what was that scary picture hanging on that wall? My God,it would of scared the shit out of me every night. I saw your clothes in your closet. Paula told me it was okay to go inside. All your belongings.You were sitting on that bed with me,weren't you.I couldn't help but touch your pretty blouses,smell them,and hold them close to my heart. I felt so lucky to be there. So humbled.
It just doesn't seem fair to let you go, but I never will,so don't worry. You are forever in my heart,you were my best friend and still is. Did I ever tell you that? God, I hope you knew.
You used to get so pissed at me when I would say goodbye, "No,NellieBelle,until next time". Shit!! What did you mean when you said "If the army don't get me"? Did you know you were leaving us?
Oh sweet lady,please visit us in our dreams,watch over your beautiful family. They love you so much. And your Brokeback family is honored to have been a part of your life these past 2 years. We love you dearly.
Sweet dreams,mi hermana querida,until we meet again...
Nellie...XOXO
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Paula,Mark and Joanne...words can't describe how much it means to me that you welcomed us into your lives. I am forever grateful for allowing me into your home..for talking to me and making me feel comfortable. For allowing your children to call me Auntie..it just means so so much. I love you all so dearly even though we just met..but my vibes tell me Jackie wanted it this way..she knew what she was doing..I hope you find healing and comfort thru all this....because Jackie is holding you tight,just know that,and that just makes this Rican girl smile...
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OK, c'mon, y'all...
(((((((((((((((((((((((Nellie)))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((((((Chuck)))))))))))))))))
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My dear friend, Jackie,
It was an honor and a pleasure to have known you in my life even for this short time. You were a treasure beyond compare. You didn't realize it, but as you went about with your quiet grace and glued us all together and kept track of all of us, you yourself were blooming into an even more fascinating and beautiful multi-faceted person. I watched you go from a shy and retiring wallflower to an open and more confident woman. I can remember each milestone - telling us your name, about your family, and finally allowing pictures of yourself to be published without the obvious self-consciousness. You were a diamond in the rough in the beginning. A muddy, shapeless rock that had to have the roughness polished smooth and the ugly chipped away to become the exquisite gem that you are.
I am selfish in my grief because I still want you here with me, with us. I am envious of you now - weightless and free - and soaring on wings above all of us here. I will never forget you and your impact on my life. All the blessings of the universe upon you now.
Love,
Heidi
Heidi, that was beautiful. You took the words I've been trying to gather for the past few days and, well, they speak for me. Thanks sweetie.
Brad
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August 10, 2006 - A few moments after our first RL hug
Jackie....dear friend...."Cuzzin"....
You have and will continue to mean more to me than these few words can express. Your unconditional love & acceptance, constant encouragement & understanding have amazed me. As our friendship developed and grew, the bonds became tighter and deeper. We've laughed and cried together, fussed a bit and talked each others ear off. I already miss you so much I can't hardly stand it. But I know you'll always be with me, for you have become part of who I am. Although you're gone in the physical sense, I can still hear your laugh, and see your radiant smile & sparkling, full-of-life eyes.
Those are treasured gifts you continue to provide.
I'll see you when I get there. Please tell Heath hi.
All my love, sweetheart,
Glenn
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Only one picture was taken with my camera....
Joe and I
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I'm posting these here also because it was on my way to Jackie's...David and I were walking to the train station,talking.....
Mod...you can remove these if necessary
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This was taken out in Jackie's balcony...a bit dark...but......*sigh*
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On Sunday I was at Paula's and Mark's beautiful home....taking the day in ....sunny and peaceful...birds all around .
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Shit, there was a pretty bird in here somewhere......I think....lol
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There it went
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A bit blurry....but the kids were great fun!
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Most all the words have been spoken, and I feel the same as many posters.
All I can add is Thank You, Jackie, for your undying love to all of us. I am fortunate to have cultivated a friendship with you. And fortunate to have spent a few nights at the Hotel Foxette. ;) I'll never forget that...
Love, big sis,
Lenny :-*
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:-* :'(
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There it went
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McNell, this is gorgeous — and very fitting to the occasion.
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I'm filled with regret to say I have no pictures, no wonderful stories, no insightful anecdotes about dear Jackie.
All I have are memories of one of the most sensitive and genuinely good people I have known and yet not known well enough.
I know she will be missed by all who she touched.
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Ross, I'm sure Jackie's smiling an extra big smile right now seeing you here ;)
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Ross, I'm sure Jackie's smiling an extra big smile right now seeing you here ;)
what he said ^^^
good to see you here.
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Thanks for the wonderful pics, Nellita!
And especially for the flying-away-to-the-sky pic... :-* :'(
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Found on Jackie's refrigerator.....yellowed with age.....
Gem of the Day (Credit Ralph Waldo Emerson):
You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know when it will be too late.
Rest well, my sweet sister- I love you the most!
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Found on Jackie's refrigerator.....yellowed with age.....
Gem of the Day (Credit Ralph Waldo Emerson):
You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know when it will be too late.
Rest well, my sweet sister- I love you the most!
Oh my goodness... that IS Jackie, completely.
Thank you so much for posting this Jess, and honouring us by becoming a member of the forum. I remember Jackie mentioning your name...
My deepest condolences with your terrible loss.
I miss her very much...
Marc
the Netherlands
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Found on Jackie's refrigerator.....yellowed with age.....
Gem of the Day (Credit Ralph Waldo Emerson):
You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know when it will be too late.
Rest well, my sweet sister- I love you the most!
She truly lived according to that quote.
"Just because an animal is large, it doesn't mean he doesn't want kindness; however big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo.” Winnie the Pooh
Tigger or Roo, Jackie was there.
And welcome, welcome here, Jess. My deepest condolences with your loss. I miss her.
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Just when you think it's starting to get better...
I'm cleaning up a bit and tearing up used sheets from a tablet. The first sheet is labeled "Things to ask Jackie" and has questions about what she does in her volunteer work. At the top of the sheet is written her suggestion, which she made to me on the phone that night in early December:
"Check Philadelphia newspapers for 'volunteer opportunities.' Or check country volunteer opportunities by searching online."
There are other notes, too, such as "Does she have Fritz' mailing address?" (So I could send him a Christmas card.)
And, "I decided not to go to UK -- she says it's okay." Well, Jackie, I changed my mind the weekend before you passed away -- maybe it was so I could be there with you after all.
Thanks, Jackie, for that last conversation.
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Found on Jackie's refrigerator.....yellowed with age.....
Gem of the Day (Credit Ralph Waldo Emerson):
You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know when it will be too late.
Rest well, my sweet sister- I love you the most!
Sweet Jess,
Thank you for this post..it's so like her,isn't it..I'm so so sorry for your loss...(((Jess)))
I found a few notes laying around from when I was talking a blue streak with Jackie...recipes..little notes of all sorts...*sigh*.......I'm going to miss talking to her on the phone and then running into the Forum and sending a quote and telling each other..."Hold on,I'm typing a message in the Diner,I can't type and talk at the same time"......how we laughed and giggled like school girls,realizing how silly we were but LOVING every minute of it... :'( :'(
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(((((((((((((((((((((Nellie)))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Found on Jackie's refrigerator.....yellowed with age.....
Gem of the Day (Credit Ralph Waldo Emerson):
You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know when it will be too late.
Rest well, my sweet sister- I love you the most!
The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Some people are able to be "acorns", Jackie was. The evidence is here
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I'll See You At The Gate
You were a special person
too special for this place
always had a song in your heart
and a smile on your face
opened up your home to friends
and opened your heart too
always ready to share some laughs
and talk to friends when they were blue
a bubbling personality
so brightly your light shone
I would've talked to you much more
but you were always on the phone ;)
and then your last day comes
with the sadness that it brings
but you really couldn't stay here
you had to go and get your wings
you're up among the angels now
there's no more pain and no more hate
and when my time comes to cross over
I know I'll see you at the gate
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Beautiful, Chuck.
What a way to remember her, with your 40,000th post.
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Thank you, Chuck. :-* :-* :-*
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Thank you Chuck, that was beautiful. I'm sure Jackie will see to it you are published and become a best seller!
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I just checked and Chuck and then Jackie are the top two posters! :'(
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I just checked and Chuck and then Jackie are the top two posters! :'(
That is correct.....not much of a gas bag myself :-X
If you sort the member list by date registered, you will see that Jackie and myself registered on the same day, within five minutes of each other. We talked about it a few times in PM and email. Give or take the time zone differences, the actual record show her registration at January 18, 2006, 04:19:55 PM; and mine at January 18, 2006, 04:14:40 PM.
I really miss her posts here in our special world.
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Hello my friends,
I've been communicating with Paula on behalf of those of us here in Denver.
Paula has great grace, is just lovely. A very kind and thoughtful woman. It is very easy to see why she and Jackie loved each other so much.
In June, as most of you may know, half of Jackie Pascarella's ashes will be scattered upon the summit of Brokenback Mountain, the other half scattered in England.
Paula would like to see Jackie honoured in June for a kind, very thoughtful, and very loving reason:
Many of painted-shoes friends will be out here attending the 2008 get-together up in Wyoming. Many others will be in the UK for the planned get-together in Oxford.
We do not have any details yet regarding the exact day, etc when Jackie will be united with the Mountain she loved so much.
It is months away.
But please, rest assured of one thing: it is Paula's express wish that Jackie's ashes be scattered while the 2008 Wyoming Round-up takes place, precisely because so many of the people painted-shoes cared about will be here in the Rockies.
I got an email a few hours ago which totally surprised me; it is what prompted this post. I think it best to address the questions posed here and now:
No, this will not, repeat not, in any way shape or form be a part of the 2008 Roundup . It is--of course-- separate and distinct from that event. However, it will take place during the same days.
This is for the Pascarella Family and Jackie's Brokeback Family. Whether you attend the Roundup or not is immaterial; it is the wish of her family that any and all of painted-shoes friends join together on Brokenback Mountain that day to help unite Jackie with 'her' Mountain, help her rest there forever with grace, dignity and yes, love.
You will be welcomed with hugs which would have done Jackie proud...
When details are set I will post them here. We will make sure those details are set far enough in advance that any who wish to attend can easily make travel arrangements. We will also aid wherever possible in helping you make those arrangements.
Insofar as the UK ceremony goes, it is not, of course, my place to discuss those arrangements. If you intend to go to the UK and see Jackie laid to rest, the person to contact in the coming weeks is zudos/Wayne.
Insofar as it is possible, he and I will do our best to help coordinate each ceremony---remember, they will take place at different times, on different days, and in different nations...
Thanks, and much love,
Jack
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JackiesJess,
I just saw your post. Welcome, and much much love to you.
Jack and Katrina
Denver, CO
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"Just because an animal is large, it doesn't mean he doesn't want kindness; however big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo.” Winnie the Pooh
that is sooo sweet...and sooo sad... :'(
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"Just because an animal is large, it doesn't mean he doesn't want kindness; however big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo.” Winnie the Pooh
that is sooo sweet...and sooo sad... :'(
On behalf of all the tiggers in the worlds I can assure you that's also true.
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Thank you, (((Chuck))), for your BEAUTIFUL poem...
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"Just because an animal is large, it doesn't mean he doesn't want kindness; however big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo.” Winnie the Pooh
that is sooo sweet...and sooo sad... :'(
On behalf of all the tiggers in the worlds I can assure you that's also true.
Uh-huh - acknowledges another tigger :-\...
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It is at this point the thread has been captured in the hope that is will be presented to Jackie's family as a book. This does not mean this thread will close now, there is still plenty that people will want to say in the coming weeks.
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Excellent suggestion...
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<snip>
You will be welcomed with hugs which would have done Jackie proud...
When details are set I will post them here. We will make sure those details are set far enough in advance that any who wish to attend can easily make travel arrangements. We will also aid wherever possible in helping you make those arrangements.
Insofar as the UK ceremony goes, it is not, of course, my place to discuss those arrangements. If you intend to go to the UK and see Jackie laid to rest, the person to contact in the coming weeks is zudos/Wayne.
Insofar as it is possible, he and I will do our best to help coordinate each ceremony---remember, they will take place at different times, on different days, and in different nations...
Thanks, and much love,
Jack
((( Jack ))) (((Wayne)))
Thank you Jack..and thank you Wayne.....you've made this Rican smile!
Nellie :-*
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Excellent suggestion...
Yes, this is all in the works....*sigh*
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I wanted to share this with you all....
One of my favorite movies is "Somewhere in Time" with Christopher Reeve. A movie I so loved but only in my memory until now....When I was in Jackie's apartment I saw the CD to this movie and showed Paula. Together we shouted "It was her/my favorite"....*Sigh*....it has a new meaning for me now...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0w3jMvZBy0
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I haven't posted anything since my initial reaction to Nellie's message about Jackie's illness in the Affected Me thread. I have, however, read every post in this thread and collectively they have confirmed what I have always suspected: Jackie was deeply loved by many on this Forum. She reached out to so many, and they reciprocated in kind. She will be greatly missed.
The poem below was used on my father's memorial service program seven years ago, and it seems appropriate now:
The Day God Called You Home
God looked around his garden
and He found an empty place.
He then looked upon His earth,
and saw your tired face.
He put His arms around you
and lifted you to rest.
God's garden must be beautiful,
He always takes the best.
He knew that you would never
get well on earth again.
He saw the road was getting rough,
and the hills were hard to climb.
So He closed your weary eyelids,
and whispered, "peace be thine."
It broke our hearts to lose you,
but you didn't go alone.
For part of us went with you,
the day God called you home.
Rick
(Richchan)
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I wish I had something more to share other than Jackie was one of the kindest people on the forum. I met her in Chicago and wish there had been more time to know her. The one thing about Jackie I will always remember is getting a card in the mail from her at Christmas. It was then I remember her taking down my address at the gathering...and she told me the reason she was doing this was so if someone disappeared, she would have a way to find them. I wonder what happened to that little address book...and in the end, she was the one who disappeared, but only in body. She is most certainly here in spirit.
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(((Mondavi)))
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I wanted to share this with you all....
One of my favorite movies is "Somewhere in Time" with Christopher Reeve. A movie I so loved but only in my memory until now....When I was in Jackie's apartment I saw the CD to this movie and showed Paula. Together we shouted "It was her/my favorite"....*Sigh*....it has a new meaning for me now...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0w3jMvZBy0
Thank you Nelly.
Jackie and I talked about the movie more than few times. We were hoping to go to Mackinaw Island sometime in the future for the big 'Somewhere In Time' weekend.
Maybe someday a few of us could go there for Jackie.
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(((Mondavi)))
Thank you and right back at you. We can all enjoy good hugs these days. ((((Nelly)))
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"Just because an animal is large, it doesn't mean he doesn't want kindness; however big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo.” Winnie the Pooh
that is sooo sweet...and sooo sad... :'(
On behalf of all the tiggers in the worlds I can assure you that's also true.
i know...remember, i felt like a tigger when i was younger... ;)
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"Just because an animal is large, it doesn't mean he doesn't want kindness; however big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo.” Winnie the Pooh
that is sooo sweet...and sooo sad... :'(
On behalf of all the tiggers in the worlds I can assure you that's also true.
Uh-huh - acknowledges another tigger :-\...
yup, even the kind that growl a lot... :-[
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Hi
I've just registered and this is my first post.
In a sense I'm not new to the forums. I started reading the posts in December 2005 and continued until August 2006 (around the time of the BBQ). I read the Diner forum (and its variations) daily. I rarely ventured outside the Diner. It was only to follow a suggested link. I found that it could be tense and hostile outside the Diner.
Linda and Jackie were important in keeping the Diner a safe, welcoming, and friendly place. They would make menu suggestions, serve you, and even clean up after you. But most importantly they conversed with you and didn't talk at you.
Some people came into the Diner and would share their frustrations. Sometimes these involved a family member not understanding their need for the forum. As a result some felt it necessary to leave. Some said good-bye and others just disappeared. Jackie was blessed to have family who supported and encouraged her involvement which in turn, I believe, gave her the strength to encourage others.
I picture Jackie in the Diner with a glass of Merlot and Rembrandt gouda cheese.
So tonight, I raise my glass of Merlot and repeat a family toast that we use at Christmas.
"Here's to the absent. May their shadows never grow less."
Mark
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Thanks for posting that, Mark, and welcome back.
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Hi there,
This is my first time as I just found this thread, but that seemed to be the appropriate way since those were the two words we first said whenever Jackie and I called each other. I was just writing a letter to her family and was somehow drawn to find the site she had spoken about so often.
Paula was kind enough to call me yesterday about Jackie s death as I hadn t known about it. I m still stunned. We met 13 years ago on a Saturday morning at a place we would volunteer together for the next seven years. As soon as we met, we hit it off. Jackie was the warmest, kindest and most beautiful person I have known. She introduced me to Chet Baker when we ate diinner in her apartment, or enjoyed Van Gogh at the National Gallery of Art, or a talk by Dr. Ken Weeks about his recent digs in Egypt or when we talked about whatever when I took her for a sail on my old boat. When you heard her say the word friend, you knew she meant it. For that and so much more, I will always be grateful for knowing her.
When I first met my wife, Jackie later told me she knew I would get married because she heard a difference in my voice. I think that was the same voice I heard when she spoke of her family around here and also when she started talking about all of you.
Thanks for allowing me to visit,
Claude
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Thank you, Claude! I always enjoyed hearing Jackie talk of her trips and interest in Egyptology.
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Thanks for posting that, Mark, and welcome back.
What Deb said!
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hello "newbies" - no matter whether you have never been here or just never spoken up. i'm glad to see so many people who loved jackie. we can now see how many friends she actualy had and i hope she feels it, too.
thanks for letting us know how much she meant to you !
((((((HUGS))))) to all of jackie's friends !
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How wonderful to read the posts from Mark and Claude. :)
How wonderful to witness Jackie's impact on people's lives.
I think Jackie's arms were long enough to wrap around the world in her perfect loving embrace.
Love you, Jackie, sweet sister of my heart.
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It just seems so strange to check and see who's on line and not see "PaintedShoes" among the group. I wonder if I will ever get used to not seeing her here. Isn't it funny how you miss someone. You will go for a few days and it won't seem so bad, you get busy doing the things that life requires and then suddenly, out of the blue it hits you. Your knees alomst buckle from the sudden sadness and you realize one more time that things will never be the same. I just hate it.
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I will never get used to it. My daily Jackie 'fix' is missing and I'm finding it hard to cope. :'(
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It just seems so strange to check and see who's on line and not see "PaintedShoes" among the group. I wonder if I will ever get used to not seeing her here. Isn't it funny how you miss someone. You will go for a few days and it won't seem so bad, you get busy doing the things that life requires and then suddenly, out of the blue it hits you. Your knees alomst buckle from the sudden sadness and you realize one more time that things will never be the same. I just hate it.
(((((((((((Rance))))))))))))
God I so understand where you're coming from...I go into moods..freak out(I did yesterday) feel so lonely. I ended up e-mailing a good pal of mine....he should be used to me by now...talking a blue streak...on and on...*sigh*...certain people keep me grounded,I guess..he's one of them
I don't think it's a bad thing to feel so depressed and down,Jackie wouldn't want it this way,but one of her last things she did tell me was..."Nellie,I want you to feel comfortable talking about all this with the others,it's okay"
I REALLY believe Jackie knew she was leaving us...I keep going thru things we've said over the past and it all makes sense to me now....
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Nellie, I look back on things, too, and wonder. I've been wanting to mention this.
Jackie seemed so happy in October at the DC Slash Bash, and appeared to be very well. But she made a comment ... that everyone should have one person in their "Real Life" (I hate that term sometimes, as though this wasn't real here) who knew how to contact one other person on the Forum. With a phone number or whatever. So that in case something happened to one of us, there would be a way for the other Forum members to find out. In Jackie's case, I guess that "emergency contact" was you, Nellie. Or you were one of them, anyway.
I don't know whether Jackie suspected at that time that she was getting sick, or whether she was just acting in her "den mother" role and looking out for the welfare of all of us. But looking back now, it seems so ironic that she said that.
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It is amazing and very comforting to notice that some people write their very first posts in this forum in Jackies thread - it is just another sign of how large the circle of her friends is... (...was? no, I still am a friend of Jackie's!).
It is a wonderful idea to save this thread as a booklet for Jackie's family. You people in this forum work really fast, it seems it's already too late to contribute? Anyhow I have wanted to post a few pics of our Jackie and thanks to Bliss I am now able to since she happened to have a back-up of all my BBQ pics and more! I still haven't found my own.
These two pics were taken Aug 13 2006 at Texas BBQ during the big Brokeback Mountain viewing. I have commented on this moment in another post in this thread - and now I have pics to explain better what I meant. The first pic needs little clarifying though... it was taken by Redbrit or Catia of Jackie watching BBM... being very moved. I just love her expression - she is very moved and at the same time smiling for the camera... oh Jackie! :-* :'( ;D :'( :-*
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... and this was her POV, taken with my camera I think, by Jackie. I post this because some time after the film she wrote to me on how special it was to sometimes feel as if hse watched the film through mine and others POV which made it a very interesting experience. I thnk that shows another example of her caring for others; it was not only focusing on her own experiencebut also observing how others of her Brokeback family were doing meanwhile.
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...dear Jackie, it is comforting to have captured this moment of your POV while watching the most important of all the films you ever watched, the very film that is the reason why we all are here now... missing you and Heath. Thankyou for everything, sister.
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((((((((((((((((Elvan))))))))))))))))))))
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...You will go for a few days and it won't seem so bad, you get busy doing the things that life requires and then suddenly, out of the blue it hits you. Your knees alomst buckle from the sudden sadness and you realize one more time that things will never be the same. I just hate it.
I don't think it's a bad thing to feel so depressed and down,Jackie wouldn't want it this way,but one of her last things she did tell me was..."Nellie,I want you to feel comfortable talking about all this with the others,it's okay"
I have some really bad moments on and off through off the day. I feel the empty space and it hurts. And it brings to mind other losses in my life, which I'm sure is happening to everyone here. It can't be helped, I guess. And I think of happy times with Jackie and other people who have passed who I loved dearly, and I realize, again, that there really is never enough time...
It's been comforting to be here at times, and at other times, I have logged on and read a page or two of posts, and then I've had to stop because I can't bear to feel the sadness at that moment. And then, times like this, I will log on and read a post like Osprey's, and dissolve into tears and let the sadness flow over me.
I spent time today on the Reunion pics thread, looking at pics and posts from Bay City...what a great time....and I found myself wishing and hoping that I'll be able to make another Forum gathering soon. This place is an anchor for me. Jackie was an anchor for me too.
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I just saw Rent in NYC on Wednesday night (run, don't walk...it is closing, Jonathan Larson's masterpiece is closing in June...Brokeback fans will see all of our joys, and fears, and tears, and hope right there on the stage of the Nederlander Theatre on W. 41st Street) and then on Friday, I say a production by the Lambda Players, our Gay/Lesbian Theatre here in Sacramento of Angels in America, and again, the message of pain, and disease, and loss, and finally hope sang through Tony Kushner's amazing prose.
I have been gone from here so long I feel like such a stranger, but with the news of Jackie's passing, I was immediately transported back to our gathering in Chicago, and the smile on a face that now I wish I would have spent so much more time getting to know. She was an Angel in America. Her gracious love and unjudging spirit will be sorely missed.
I thought of the scene in the HBO production of Angels in America when Prior and Louis meet, late in Part I, in a dream, and dance as though Prior had never gotten AIDS and Louis had never left his lover and partner of over four years because he couldn't handle the agony of seeing his beloved wither away. The music starts, the dance begins, and the lyrics voice a sentiment held so deeply and closely by the BBM community...
Moon River, wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you're going I'm going your way.
Two drifters off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end--
waiting 'round the bend,
my huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me.
Jackie, you crossed Moon River in style and grace and you are waiting at the rainbow's end--and your huckleberry friends are all the richer for the time, even if ever so briefly, you walzed through our lives.
Dance, Jackie, dance. And I hear that there is a certain BBM star that might just be looking for a loving smile, a shoulder to cry on, an understanding ear, and a partner to dance a walze at rainbow's end.
Many hugs,
MWP
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I'm filled with regret to say I have no pictures, no wonderful stories, no insightful anecdotes about dear Jackie.
All I have are memories of one of the most sensitive and genuinely good people I have known and yet not known well enough.
I know she will be missed by all who she touched.
Hey mate... Glad you found you way here... Jackie spoke to you just before we met in NYC... She would have loved to have come too, but had to catch her train back to DC...
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Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands,
Oh.. I do love you,
You've got this look i can't describe,
You make me feel like I'm alive,
When everything else is a fade,
Without a doubt you're on my side,
Heaven has been away too long,
Above are some of the lyrics from Like a Star by Corinne Bailey Ray... The whole song is not appropriate, but the above verse made me think of Jackie....
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I was just on the phone with Zeddie (Zudos) and we were talking about Jackie's trip to NYC, where we met up.
As we were talking, I bought up a story, and Zed felt it would be funny to post it here, and I agreed.
Jackie had booked a room at a very nice hotel in NYC, and when she checked in, she had been upgraded to a nicer room! We (of course) were very excited and dashed into it to see how "swanky" it was.
On one of the tables was a tray with an assortment of "treats" on it. There was a very expensive bottle of spring water, and some candies, mints, toiletries, and a "Pleasure Pack" with condoms and such in it.
Zed and I were very busy touching all the stuff, picking it up, looking for prices (and rolling our eyes when we saw them) and putting them back down again. We spent some time with the "Pleasure Pack" to determine exactly what was in it, and if it was worth the price.
We made note that the tray had some strange discs on it, and we wondered what they were.
We found out when Jackie checked out that the discs were weight sensitive sensors, and every time we picked something up from that tray, it was being added to Jackie's bill!
:D
She had to explain to the check out employee that she had two over curious men in her room who handled everything on the tray, but none of it was actually used.
Zed and I were mortified, yet laughing at the thougth of all these items being used, especially what they must've thought when the "Pleasure Pack" appeared, as they had seen Jackie go to her room with two men.
:D :D :D :D
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Hugs around the diner
Tears around the world
For love and friendship freely given
And kindnesses untold.
A legacy of laughter
A thing we cannot lose
We are richer far for knowing you
Darling Jackie, Paintedshoes
Love always
N.
XXX
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Neil, good form. Thanks.
I can't help but appreciate that every pic of our sweet Jackie is that of a radiant smile. Thing is, that smile isn't about Jackie. That smile is about us. Why do every single one of us feel this way about Jackie? It is because, for her, it is all about us and not her. Course, in the end, it is really about her. A compliment beyond comprehension.
Jackie once said to me (in a very private one-on-one special time on my back deck), her biggest fear in life was that nobody knew she existed. No one cared to hear her. She thought, perhaps, people looked at her and moved on or didn't care to see her. I told her she was the bright light for all of us. She was the glue that held us together. She ment so much to us and her family, how could she think anything less of her. She paused, took a big draw on the cigarette, looked at me, and asked, "do you think so"? I said one word, "Absolutley".
Now I know I am right. Ya'll are my 'backup'. More importantly, our sweet Jackie knows. Thanks firends.
Brad
Hi Everyone... I'm finally back on the east coast with high-speed internet and am back on page 46 catching up, remembering Jackie, and trying to fill the void left by her passing and my inability to attend the family gathering last weekend and be with you all. Thanks to Joe & Fritz, her family received a special note and poem from me, but I'm still without a sense of closure.
Anyway, Brad, thank you for sharing this intimate story with us. I think in some way we all have that same fear. I know I do, and know its why I felt really connected to Jackie. And just look at the tag line for Dave Cullen's original blog site... "Proof of Dave Cullen having existed" The thing that brings me comfort is knowing that Jackie realized true self worth and happiness by "coming out of lurkdom" and embracing all the forum and the Brokeback Mountain experience had to offer and enjoyed, and loved, with out reservation, the last 2 years of her life. Moreover, she really was heard! Still is being heard in the quiet whispers she left with all of us. THANK YOU JACKIE!!!
And to Nax, I love your heartfelt poem. Simple and true and perfect.
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Thanks Chucki! We had a riot with Jackie at the hotel, and she loved the naughtiness of it all, in her innocent way of course...
It was so good to chat to you and laugh about these memories...
And we always will every time we meet, to keep Jackie's memory alive... :-* :-* :-* :-*
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She had to explain to the check out employee that she had two over curious men in her room who handled everything on the tray, but none of it was actually used.
Zed and I were mortified, yet laughing at the thougth of all these items being used, especially what they must've thought when the "Pleasure Pack" appeared, as they had seen Jackie go to her room with two men.
:D :D :D :D
;D ;D
it's not always only sad feelings when someone has passed away - it's nice, happy memories too
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Definitely, Petter. With as wonderful a person as Jackie, the pleasant memories will always outdistance the sad ones.
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oh, wow, petter, good to see you ! jackie brings us all together again...she's an angel. :)
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oh, wow, petter, good to see you ! jackie brings us all together again...she's an angel. :)
Ja! Sie spricht sogar englisch!
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We found out when Jackie checked out that the discs were weight sensitive sensors, and every time we picked something up from that tray, it was being added to Jackie's bill!
:D
She had to explain to the check out employee that she had two over curious men in her room who handled everything on the tray, but none of it was actually used.
Zed and I were mortified, yet laughing at the thougth of all these items being used, especially what they must've thought when the "Pleasure Pack" appeared, as they had seen Jackie go to her room with two men.
:D :D :D :D
Oh that is funny!!! :D :D
I actually dreamed about her the other day. I wish I could remember the details! :'(
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oh, wow, petter, good to see you ! jackie brings us all together again...she's an angel. :)
Hi Martina,
yes - it was the loss of Heath that made me return to a more active life here at DCF (Ive been lurking)
and then I found that Jackie was 'ill'
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(((((((((((((((((PETTER))))))))))))))))))))))))
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(((((((((((((((((PETTER))))))))))))))))))))))))
oh vielen danke, fritz :-*
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I was thinking just now that I am REALLY beginning to miss my regular Skype talks with Jackie :'(...
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(((((((((((((((((((((((((((MARC))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
And I'll miss just regular phone calls with her, and being able to drive across town and see her. :'(
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Marc as I said in the diner... The waves of pain and loss are less frequent, but harder hitting when they come... The shock is over and the reality is now reality...
I miss her so much right now... :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
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I was thinking just now that I am REALLY beginning to miss my regular Skype talks with Jackie :'(...
Though potentially not as regular as your talks with Jackie, we can do so on occasion...
I have very nice memories of Jackie... We met in person twice, here in Washington State and at Linda's in Texas. I remember her visit at Brad's here in Washington. Too much wine and then a bit of tequila. Was a great evening for every one of us!!!
It's been a sad almost two weeks, hasn't it, Marc?
Hugs,
Rob
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Marc as I said in the diner... The waves of pain and loss are less frequent, but harder hitting when they come... The shock is over and the reality is now reality...
I miss her so much right now... :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
Oh God.....how I understand..I'm even to a point of talking out loud to her.....but before you think I'm REALLY loosing it and going crazy...it's just little things......cutesie things...
Of course with time things will be better,we all know that don't we...but reality has hit home for me,and I miss her so...friends have told me..."you have to continue with your life,you have to leave this Forum be for awhile or all together"....ugh.......yes,I understand about my life,I'm not depressed,don't need to be medicated....I don't indulge in this Forum and it's drama like before....never again....but to leave it all together?....I can't...not now or not in the near future...I just won't...I still hope to see "PaintedShoes" appear....I get very sad...I want to hear.."mi hermana" or "NellieBelle".....I want to hear her giggles.....*sigh*......but we still have each other and we still have such wonderful memories of her...we have her recorded in several CD's here and there thru our get togethers...that is what we do....talk ,talk, and talk about her....and continue to love her,for she is watching us,and every time you cry...just when you're ready to stop crying?...she's there with her arms around you...just stop and FEEL her presence..she's there...at night ,talk to her...she listens....and maybe she can convince God to pass along the winning lottery tickets so we can all win and buy an island somewhere ............lol
just kidding
I love you guys
Nellie...XO
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PS......I already dreamed of her...it was wonderful...magical...she was smiling and she looked younger,healthy,and just BEAUTIFUL....I woke up with a heavy heart today...but I have more strength now...and we're ALL going to be okay
N...xo
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((((((((((((((Nellie)))))))))))))))
We are all here together, for each other, and I sure hope you stay with us. Your friends may not understand, but we do.
(((((((((((((Wayne)))))))))))))
Same goes for you, it's not wrong to be feeling bad when the memories come back, even if they bring pain right now. Eventually those memories will be a source of comfort to you.
(((((((((((((Marc))))))))))))))
and ((((((((((((((Everyone))))))))))))))
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Nellie - don't wander off. (If you do we'll get a posse together and go lookin' for ya!)
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Sorry I have not been posting here often but I feel kind of guilty. I remember her running towards me at the last reunion in Colorado. It was the only time someone was that happy to see me besides my mother. I will remember that till the day I die. The day of knowing about Jackie I went to Target to purchase a picture with the saying;
Cherish - Live - Dream
Yesterday Today Tomorrow
I thought about her when I bought it. However, when driving home is when I heard about the news on Heath. I was numb. Not really believing it. Came home with a message from my friend MaryKay. We talked about our love for Heath. After taliking to her another firend called me. We talked for awhile, I went to bed 10:30pm after the News. I was still numb. It was not until that night when it hit me like brick. I started to cry and couldn't stop. I prayed for Jackie for a fast, painless passing. I wanted her to help guide Heath home. I have been feeling guilty ever sense. Sorry!!
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(( TOM ))
Please -- don't apologize for how you need to grieve in private, or here on the thread. It is important that you do the best for YOU. Your story, though, is touching. I very much like that saying you got.
I really enjoyed meeting you in Estes Park... and should we ever have the good fortune to meet up at another gathering, rest assured that I will run to greet you. :-*
*keeping fingers crossed for Oxford*
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Monica, you have said what I wanted to say, right after reading Tom's post.
(((Tom))) you have nothing to apologize for, and certainly nothing to feel guilty about. We're all handling this our own way, but none of us caused this to happen and there is no one particular way that we should be acting now.
The best thing we can do is be here to comfort each other, when the time feels right.
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You know, when my wife sent this early last week I forwarded it to a few brokies.
One of the people I knew would fall out of her chair reading it was Jackie, and yes, it hurt to take her name off of that forward.
She was a woman who loved to laugh: one of my best memories of the BBQ is driving her somewhere one afternoon while she goofed with me about sheep, and the elk which were all over the place. She was so funny I damned near crashed the car...
Well, almost every brokie who read this DID fall off their chair; and half of them responded with a 'Jackie would have loved this'. After thinking about it I decided to post it here on her thread, for her, and for all her friends.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A cowboy riding up into the Bighorns met an Indian. They greeted each other. Since the sun was going down the Indian asked the cowboy to share his camp for the night. While drinking a bottle of whiskey, they had the following conversation:
Cowboy: 'That your dog?'
Indian: 'Yep.'
Cowboy: 'Mind if I speak to him?'
Indian: 'Dog no talk.'
Cowboy: 'Hey dog, how's it going?'
Dog: 'Doin' all right..'
Indian: (Look of shock!)
Cowboy: 'Is this Indian your owner?' (Pointing at the Indian)
Dog: 'Yep.'
Cowboy: 'How's he treating you?'
Dog: 'Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes
me to the lake once a week to play.'
Indian: (Look of total disbelief)
Cowboy: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'
Indian: 'Horse no talk.'
Cowboy: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'
Horse: 'Cool.'
Indian: (Extreme look of shock!)
Cowboy: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing to the Indian)
Horse: 'Yep.'
Cowboy: 'How's he treating you?'
Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down
often and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather.'
Indian: (Look of total amazement)
Cowboy: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'
Indian: 'Sheep lie.
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BrokebackTom, we haven't spoken since the BBQ. It's good to see you here, and I hope we can hook up at some point. You were one of the true surprises up at Estes, an all around good guy.
Much love,
Jack
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Talking about dreams.... you know that I'm rather sensible guy and not Shirley MacLaine but I still have to tell you this. Tuesday night, night before Jackie died, I saw a dream about her. We were sitting on grass in Auntie's backyard in Texas... there were many people from BBQ, I remember Nick and Rob standing somewhere behind me, Red, Fritzie, Terry, Wayne and many others and some who weren't in BBQ but were in my dream like Jess and Lenny... Nellie was sitting with me and Jackie and she was singing or humming somekind of lullaby.... Jackie was smiling and laughing and she held a small bouguet made of lilies of the valley. And there was sun and light and joy.
This may sound weird but after I heard that Jackie had passed away, I had this idea that maybe... what if I was visiting her dream. That it was the place where she was in her dreams the night before she died. And that we were all there to send her on her way.
her idea of heaven...
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I hope this doesn't seem self-serving, but it's a special bond I made with Jackie quite accidentally. I posted this on some Juicy Bits thread eons ago on the spur of the moment. Jackie told me she was going to print it out and carry it with her all the time. I thought that sounded nice, but didn't think she would really do it. I met her a couple weeks later in Chicago for the first time, and she whipped it out to prove me wrong. Since then, every time I see her, if I got down on myself, she would reach for her purse and say, "don't make me get it out..." LOL. I was very touched when I learned that she read it aloud to everyone at the most recent DC Slash Bash while I was elsewhere. She knew how embarrassed I was by stuff like that, and I know now that it really did touch her, she didn't just say so for my benefit. I love you Jackie.
Sometimes this... this story makes me dizzy with emotions, with the utter human baggage of love, hate, fear, desperation, hope, excitement, tenacity, regret, bitterness, inspiration, the sagging weight of need, the needing weight of love, the loving weight of hope, the hoping weight of memory. Some mornings I wake up Ennis, feet stiff with feelings I wish I didn't have to feel, regrets thick like molassas, and nameless. Other mornings I wake up Jack, world fresh and new, the carousel already painted-- today is another day, with such hope in it. Most days I feel balanced on the precarious edge, middle-aged Jack, regrets and hope curdling each other. It's strange how one story can sing to me the song of all of humanity since the beginning of time, humanize every victim, make bitter every love, make swallowing every obsession, make dark every dream, make sacred every hope. Every color metallic, every touch meaningful. Every, every, every.
And now I shall print it and carry it with me... in honor of Jackie, in honor of you...
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Forum Donation In Memory of Jackie (Paintedshoes)
| (https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fdavecullen.com%2Fbrokeback%2Fdaily%2Fformat%2Fplaceholder.gif&hash=476950888770fe942ed4961a5185c13c00f2173f) | The forum is starting to gather contributions to donate, in Jaclyn Pascarella's name, to The Washington Ear, (http://www.washear.org/) a program where volunteers read the Washington Post so that blind people can call in and hear the news. Jackie volunteered for this organization for years, and really loved the work she did there.
Killersmom/Linda (http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=103) will be organizing this effort for us. We are not going to use PayPal, so there will be no confusion with other forum funds. Members can donate by check or money order made out to Dave Cullen Forums, earmarking it as a donation in Jackie's name for the Washington Ear. All donations are welcome, no amount is too small.
You can pm killersmom for her contact information, then mail your contribution directly to her. When the time frame for donating has ended (Feb. 16th), the amount received will be donated toThe Washington Ear from the forum in Jackie's name.
All personal information of those donating will be kept private, and a card will be sent to the family indicating the forum names of those donating. |
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Oh, Linda, I didn't know you could listen to them live over the Net. Neat! They broadcast over the air on a subcarrier of my favorite radio station, WETA, but you need a special receiver to get the carrier. Thanks!
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If its a forum donation, would it not be better to send the family a card from the forum rather than individual names... for some have already made an individual contribution to the charity...?
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Perhaps both: the Forum name, followed by the names of the persons donating. The family knows ofForum is, but in some cases they also know us individually.
I did not donate individually, for example; I waited until the information for the group donation was announced.
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I do not see why anyone needs to announce their donation... Isn't that a little bad taste... Well in my opinion anyway...
The family will be comforted to know that a donation has been made from the forum as a group to a charity that Jackie avidly supported... Not sure what the advantage is of names on there...
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Whatever Linda decides, it doesn't matter to me.
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FWIW, I would be in favour of donating as a group, as The DC Forum, no individual names.
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FWIW, I would be in favour of donating as a group, as The DC Forum, no individual names.
I don't want to start posting in here about this charity thing...but in all honesty... using The Dave Cullen Forum Group is of better taste and does it more honor than naming names....
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We don't have checks in Sweden. Not sure how I would get money to you, Linda.
I'll check into doing it on my own. Letting the family know it's from The Dave Cullen Forum Family is enough for me.
Thanks!
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That is so sweet, Neil. Thank you
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We don't have checks in Sweden. Not sure how I would get money to you, Linda.
I'll check into doing it on my own. Letting the family know it's from The Dave Cullen Forum Family is enough for me.
Thanks!
Paypal can be used to transfer money - takes a little effort and time to setup but it works.
Most international Post Office organisations or banks can organise an "International Money Order". The banks will have a more expensive fee than a post office I guess.
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We don't have checks in Sweden. Not sure how I would get money to you, Linda.
I'll check into doing it on my own. Letting the family know it's from The Dave Cullen Forum Family is enough for me.
Thanks!
Paypal can be used to transfer money - takes a little effort and time to setup but it works.
Most international Post Office organisations or banks can organise an "International Money Order". The banks will have a more expensive fee than a post office I guess.
paypal defintely is the easiest, and it's getting a standard for paying overseas these days... :)
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Touching pic, Neilchou!
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So apt and so beautiful, Neil.
Thank you so very much.
Malcolm
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Words fail, Neil.
Thank you,
(((((Neil)))))
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Yes, beautiful and so thoughtful, Neil.
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:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(....this is so touching I can hardly stand it... :'(
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Thank you, Neil.
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I find myself daydreaming more and more.....my thoughts are all over the place these days,and then it occurred to me to watch a movie I haven't seen in a long time...as I listened to the words of this song I was surprised to find myself weeping again ...thinking of Jackie and how I just KNOW she would of loved this movie...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnUDIphGNWA&feature=related
Nellie
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I find myself daydreaming more and more.....my thoughts are all over the place these days,and then it occurred to me to watch a movie I haven't seen in a long time...as I listened to the words of this song I was surprised to find myself weeping again ...thinking of Jackie and how I just KNOW she would of loved this movie...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnUDIphGNWA&feature=related
Nellie
Sweetheart... :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
Jackie loved to watch any films with you... :-*
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Beautiful song and video, Nellie. It brought tears to my eyes, too.
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I find myself daydreaming more and more.....my thoughts are all over the place these days,and then it occurred to me to watch a movie I haven't seen in a long time...as I listened to the words of this song I was surprised to find myself weeping again ...thinking of Jackie and how I just KNOW she would of loved this movie...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnUDIphGNWA&feature=related
Nellie
I remember the film, (((Nellie)))) - it didn't leave me with dry eyes...
And I KNOW Jackie (would have) loved it...
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susnsets are up, for any who might like a lift in spirits.
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Jackie was a hopeless romantic......is that what you call people who love to read love stories and watch them as well?.I remember her telling me that and giggling....
I saw another movie today..by coincidence...again....
for Jackie:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8f8RHWMPyY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geRdF1XWsoM
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Love it, David. Absolutely love it. :-*
I love this too! And for me especially, I love the rubrim (sp?) lily as it always makes me think of my mother who passed over 7 years ago and of who Jackie, in her selflessness and ability to instinctivley reach out to others, reminded me. So wish I could have been there but know, thanks to Fritz & Joe, I was...
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Jackie's family have given me a wonderful privilege, in that they are sending 1/2 of Jackie's ashes to my home, to look after until the Oxford gathering in June...
I can not believe that The Painted Shoes, gets to come to my home after all... Its heartwrenching to know that we get some time together... Thank you so much for this privilege...
I can assure all of Jackie's friends and family that we will plan a wonderful, beautiful serene time to spread the ashes in Oxford, and in fact discussions are already underway...
The plan will of course be checked with Nellie, and the family to ensure that all Jackie's final wishes are complied with...
Thanks again for the responsibility, we will make sure our beautiful Painted Shoes has a perfect time in Oxford....
Wayne
XXXXX
I am so happy for you! From across the ocean, you are apart of the family's grieving and love. That is a high honor! There is no doubt the Oxford memorial will be everything Jackie and her family hoped for!
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Finally all caught up... still can't belive she's gone... too quickly...too soon... I take comfort in knowing how happy she was these last 2 years and really, you can't ask to leave this world on a high!
I've read so many posts, poems, enjoyed pictures, shed tears and definitely laughed (pleasure pack(S) charged to her room.HA!) I feel honored to have known Jackie but even moreso to know her through all your experiences. I didn't always frequent the site in the last 1/2 of the year, but I was always comforted to know "Jackie and everyone" were still here and I'd be welcomed back at any time. I too will miss not seeing her pop up for she was the first I always looked for. I am however, very grateful I never deleted my PMs from her even if I'm not yet ready to read them... :'(
Nellie, like everyone else, I hope you stay on the forum... Even if your non-forum friends do not understand, they could at least accept it as part of you now and as long as we all do what Jackie encouraged us to do (make time for Real Life) all will be ok. BBM and forum had a major impact on us, whether we figured out why or how or not (cuz I still haven't reconciled the whole thing) BUT I realize what I learn and need and give here impacts my "RL" positively. What would it all have been for if it did not?
Fritz & Dejavu and all other picture sharers, THANK YOU!!! I have saved some to my computer, especially the one of Jackie sitting, enjoying my favorite beer, Corona and when it appears on my screen saver picture show, I smile.
Chuck, um, is it possible to get a bumpersticker? Are they being sold somewhere?
Nax, I loved the postcard of Jacking hanging in Ennis' closet... Perfect.
Desperadum, WHERE did Jackie's cake come from? I read somewhere it was a coffee flavored cake! I live outside of DC and would love to get my hands on coffee flavored cake! ;D
Fritz & Nellie, Is Jackie's family still getting mail at her apartment? I'd love to reach out to Paula separately.
Well, I'm off to bed... Hugs to all of you!
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Nellie, like everyone else, I hope you stay on the forum... Even if your non-forum friends do not understand, they could at least accept it as part of you now and as long as we all do what Jackie encouraged us to do (make time for Real Life) all will be ok. BBM and forum had a major impact on us, whether we figured out why or how or not (cuz I still haven't reconciled the whole thing) BUT I realize what I learn and need and give here impacts my "RL" positively. What would it all have been for if it did not?
Fritz & Nellie, Is Jackie's family still getting mail at her apartment? I'd love to reach out to Paula separately.
I often forget how much I have really changed these last 2 years...the confidence I never had, the openness I seem to give out...I was talking to my husband a couple of days ago. Explaining some incident from work and he stopped me and said,"you never used to be that way,you would of never said that"....in a positive way..I stopped and said..."It was this whole Brokeback thing that changed me,my Forum friends that helped me"......we just looked at each other and I felt the tears swell up..felt my throat tighten and I thought of Jackie....I can STILL hear her voice in my head..."NellieBelle sweetheart,you make a difference ,you are important,you can do whatever you set your mind to do"
I'm going to live by that ....always
Send a letter to Jackie's address...Paula will get it...PM me if you want
((hugs))
Nellie
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Hi Jackie...
Wanted to let you know that its so sunny in London today and I get to wear my prada shades... ;D
Am feeling much better today...
Hope you are smiling looking down on us all...
Missing you so much, but today can smile too...
Love you
Wayne :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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Jackie's family have given me a wonderful privilege, in that they are sending 1/2 of Jackie's ashes to my home, to look after until the Oxford gathering in June...
I can not believe that The Painted Shoes, gets to come to my home after all... Its heartwrenching to know that we get some time together... Thank you so much for this privilege...
I can assure all of Jackie's friends and family that we will plan a wonderful, beautiful serene time to spread the ashes in Oxford, and in fact discussions are already underway...
The plan will of course be checked with Nellie, and the family to ensure that all Jackie's final wishes are complied with...
Thanks again for the responsibility, we will make sure our beautiful Painted Shoes has a perfect time in Oxford....
Wayne
XXXXX
I am so happy for you! From across the ocean, you are apart of the family's grieving and love. That is a high honor! There is no doubt the Oxford memorial will be everything Jackie and her family hoped for!
Thanks Sharyn...
When Jackie was ill, she said that she was going to make it to Oxford 08, and then started crying and saying that she did not think she would make it to a Borkeback gathering in 09...
Well sweetheart, you WILL be in Oxford.... I am in the throws of arranging a beautiful send off, involving some of your closest friends, and attended by everyone who wants to who is in Oxford...
We have too much respect and love for you to do it any other way... :-* :-* :-* :-*
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Hi Jackie...
Wanted to let you know that its so sunny in London today and I get to wear my prada shades... ;D
Am feeling much better today...
Hope you are smiling looking down on us all...
Missing you so much, but today can smile too...
Love you
Wayne :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
Oh Wayne... this has brought a smile to my face, for the first time since...
Thank you :-*
I can see her smiling now...
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Wayne...
Your post brought both a gentle grin and stinging tears to me...
We all remember you, Jackie, with love...
Your Little Brother,
Rob
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Hey Rob! You up late, or early, or like me, not watching the Clock today? I still miss Jackie's PM's and posts in the threads, someday that empty feeling will pass, I know, and I truly believe we will have a new Earth Mother in the Forum..............that was my tag for her, The Forum's Earth Mother, worrying about everyone else, but herself, so giving, so nonjudgmental............I hope she knows how she affected each of us in her own special way..............
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(((((((JONN)))))))
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HUGS BACK TO YOU!! :) :) :), focus on your upcoming trip, that will ease your pain, warm your heart and know life can be good, even in the worst of times.........I'll be in NYC while you are across the Pond, but will be sending you my warm thoughts and wishes for a joyful reunion with your loved-one............take care now! Jonn
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Hi Jackie...
Wanted to let you know that its so sunny in London today and I get to wear my prada shades... ;D
Am feeling much better today...
Hope you are smiling looking down on us all...
Missing you so much, but today can smile too...
Love you
Wayne :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
Oh Wayne...you're such a doll.....Jackie is surely smilin' down on you!! :-*......((hugs))
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The Memorial here in Denver for Jackie and Heath went off flawlessly today. It was a true catharsis, a very loving event.
The music by Rodney and Laura was superb. Eric's basso profundo?? It was awesome.
The service itself as performed by Rodney was absolutely perfect, human, dignified, sensitive, everything one could have asked for.
The message from Jackie's family was beautiful. Pete and so many others sent beautifully moving messages. The poem Chuck wrote was marvelous--our cellardwellar has talent. Marian's Tribute to Heath and Jackie was something we will always remember; Mini Angel's generousity, quoting Heath's feelings about his role as Ennis and his opinion of BBM itself out of their mutual correspondence, will long be remembered.
Every detail was perfect. The programs were more beautifully done then ANYthing I've ever seen at a memorial in NYC....and from ME that is high praise lol! Chuck somehow managed to engrave glasses for all who attended, and they will be treasured. Lee outdid herself with the food; there was something for everyone's taste. Adam well..Adam did it all RIGHT.
Out of the blue Denver's well known gay artist Rick Chris just 'stopped by' : he had heard about the memorial online from its independent website. In a beautiful gesture, a lovely tribute to Heath, Rick gave each person who came one of his watercolour paintings of Brokeback scenes and he did this in the humblest, most unassuming way imaginable..... They are a marvel.
It's very late and we just got home.....but I wanted you all to know that three words can describe today's remembrance:
It Was Superb.
Jackie would have loved it. And while I never met Heath in person, I think he smiled on us today.
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So glad it all went well. I thought of you all and wished like mad I could have been there with you.
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Big hugs to everybody there.
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I'm so glad it went well. I was thinking of all of you, and of Jackie and Heath.
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One of the things I learned about Jackie was that she loved Egyptology. I have collected some small items in my house on that theme, including some pyramids.
At the gathering in Jackie's apartment, her family had several framed photos of Jackie, and let us Brokies choose a photograph to take home. I put my photo of Jackie on a shelf with two of my pyramids. Although I can't take a good picture of the entire display, here are the four sides of the pyramid with the most detail. These are in honor of Jackie.
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Debbie....this is so nice.....I'm sure it made Jackie smile....((hugs))
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Jack...thank you for sharing with us on Saturday's memorial...glad it went so well...glad you were able to do it all....I hope you guys took pictures and will share it in this thread....
Nellie
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Hey Rob! You up late, or early, or like me, not watching the Clock today? I still miss Jackie's PM's and posts in the threads, someday that empty feeling will pass, I know, and I truly believe we will have a new Earth Mother in the Forum..............that was my tag for her, The Forum's Earth Mother, worrying about everyone else, but herself, so giving, so nonjudgmental............I hope she knows how she affected each of us in her own special way..............
(((((((((((((((((((( JONN ))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Thank you for this detailled report on Jackie's memorial. Very moving and very sweet!
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Debbie....this is so nice.....I'm sure it made Jackie smile....((hugs))
Thanks, Nellie.
((((((((((hugs)))))))))) to you. :-*
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I second everything Jack said about yesterday's memorial service in Denver. I doubt that church has ever been filled with that much love in it's entire long history. Here are a couple of shots of the sanctuary.
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Thanks for posting these, Becca. It looks like it was a wonderful service.
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You'welcome, Debbie. Wish you could have been there. I also wish I'd taken more pictures, but I was too busy listening and just feeling. And talking with everyone, of course.
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It is very hard for me to look at these photographs... but thank you Becca, Jack and all the others for having honoured Jackie (and Heath...) in such a beautiful way...
Thank you, guys, I just know that she does feel honoured...
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Thanks, beckela !! :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'(
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi199.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Faa298%2Fdejavu91%2Fpyramid2.jpg&hash=9f92a25021debba53cf8c680f40b80001567247d)
oh wow.
This makes me ponder intangibles. I've been nuts about Egypt since I was a boy, we could have had great conversations. Yet I didn't have a clue she knew about or even cared about Egypt....and now it's too late.
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I think Adam and Rodney have been working all day on an audio recording of the service. The video [so far as i know] had some amazing technical problems and , well, forget about it. But the audio--when cleaned up--will be posted on the Memorial site.
It really was a beautiful service. You know, it had DETAILS: my mother always says the love is in the details.
This service was packed with them.
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These are beautiful and I am moved by how you all in Denver (we) honored both Jackie & Heath. I think it will take me a long time to "believe" Jackie is really gone, that her posting days are done despite her spirit living among these threads. I realize I took for granted she would always be here... waiting to welcome me back to this site (waiting to welcome anybody for the first time, for the 100th). THIS SUCKS! >:(
I also realize, that because of learning of Jackie being in hospice at the same time I learned that Heath Ledger was found dead, I have not really realized the fact that he is gone too... that he too had so much left to give to his daughter, his craft, so much left to give to himself. When the whole brokeback mania hit me, I fell in absolute love with Jake... jake's eyelashes, jake's Jack, Jake was the one I craved. But it was Heath's Ennis that sucker punched me the very first time I saw our movie. It was his perfect performance of that lonely, fort-knox, emotionally guarded man that sent me, a woman more like Jake/Jack, further into my own life's grief, fears, and regrets. His piercing grief in Jack's bedroom closet with the shirts will be etched on my emotional conscious for the rest of my days. Because of this gift to me (to all of us), I personally felt for myself, the only way to repay him (as of he would ever think he was owed!) was to leave him be. I hated how he was compared to Jake when dealing with the industry and for his nervous antics at the Oscars. I was nervous for him when it was announced he would play the Joker b/c my boyfriend and his friends are avid comic book readers/collectors and I wanted our Heath to impress them. I have faith that he will and I was happy to hear my BF and his friends (and the comic book and movie industries) were excited for whatever information they could get on the movie's production. I realize now, I've been quietly rooting for our Heath to have another taste at success... doing it his way... finding himself apart of a Blockbuster-type movie, yet on his own terms and one that allowed HIM to take creative liberty instead of being molded into a product. I mourn now the movie teasers and previews that now are not meant to be. I mourn the Oscar he'll now never receive for the performance not yet nominated since we all knew he was definitely Oscar-Winner bound despite NOT getting it when he so deserved it the first time.
I worked a busy conference show today and somehow, in the midst of the chaos that surrounded me, I thought of Heath and how he really is gone. I guess the beginnings of my mind wrapping itself around the information that he too really is gone, since I've spent the better part of the last couple weeks focusing on trying to accept the news of Jackie. Well, litterally just a few minutes after pushing the thought of Heath to the back of my mind so I could work, I caught just the smallest glimpse of a man's shirt and it was of The Joker as portrayed by Heath. I could tell b/c of the makeup, the artistry that was the shirt. I called out to the man and said, "Oh I love your shirt!" and he looked back at me and he said "yeah" --- agreed with me b/c he loves it too. We exchanged a look that conveyed shared sadness and regret of a life and even a character, cut short. When the guy left, I couldn't help but wonder... Was it Jackie or Heath or both, showing me they are still with me?
thanks for listening :)
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It will never cease to amaze me the things we learn about people we care about when it is ultimately "too late". Times like these make me realize how important communication is, most especially with those we care about, but might not be as close to as we would like. Another lesson learned from "Brokeback Mountain".
Kudos also need to go out to Lee for all of her phenomenal work in providing everyone with a most spectacular meal following the service. WOW! doesn't even begin to come close to describing it! If she ever goes into the catering business, she will have NO problem getting clients! I'm sure Jackie would have enjoyed every scrumptious bite, most especially the cherry cake.
All in all it was a wonderful loving experience, which hopefully we won't have to repeat any time soon.
God Bless You Jackie, and Heath too!
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It will never cease to amaze me the things we learn about people we care about when it is ultimately "too late". Times like these make me realize how important communication is, most especially with those we care about, but might not be as close to as we would like. Another lesson learned from "Brokeback Mountain".
Kudos also need to go out to Lee for all of her phenomenal work in providing everyone with a most spectacular meal following the service. WOW! doesn't even begin to come close to describing it! If she ever goes into the catering business, she will have NO problem getting clients! I'm sure Jackie would have enjoyed every scrumptious bite, most especially the cherry cake.
All in all it was a wonderful loving experience, which hopefully we won't have to repeat any time soon.
God Bless You Jackie, and Heath too!
Ok wife...let's communicate!
I felt like kneeling down in front of you and proposing all over again in that church. Must've been the altar...you don't manage to get me in front of them that often ;)
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So glad it all went well. I thought of you all and wished like mad I could have been there with you.
But you were, Marian.
You were.
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I second everything Jack said about yesterday's memorial service in Denver. I doubt that church has ever been filled with that much love in it's entire long history. Here are a couple of shots of the sanctuary.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi95.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fl123%2FBeckela1020%2FDenver%2520Memorial%2FSanctuary-2.jpg&hash=ed19ef42853ac4c6bf2ece9bbe93e6f1a242ccd8)
Oh wow!!!!!!!!!!! :'( :'( :'( :'(...a hugh lump in my throat.. :-\
thank you so much for posting this...
Nellie :-*
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi95.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fl123%2FBeckela1020%2FDenver%2520Memorial%2FSanctuary-3.jpg&hash=c119edcc715576ae607be17adfefdb623bdfa42f)
You have no idea how much...I thank you.
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GREAT PICTURES.
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Jack died. A fictional character who's death moved me more than the deaths of most "real" people's passings.
Then Heath... oh, god!... then Jackie's!
This is going to be a difficult year.
I can tell that already.
Thank you all for being here.
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(((((((((((Rob)))))))))))
Big hugs to you. It's been tough. But I hope there will be good moments for you, too.
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There will be, Debbie... but, I'm thinking, the sadness in my heart will remain there for quite some time...
(((((((DEBBIE)))))))
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Jack died. A fictional character who's death moved me more than the deaths of most "real" people's passings.
Then Heath... oh, god!... then Jackie's!
This is going to be a difficult year.
I can tell that already.
Thank you all for being here.
((((((((Robburgerdumpling)))))))))))))
For a better, more joyful remaining 11 months of 2008....!
:-*
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Jack died. A fictional character who's death moved me more than the deaths of most "real" people's passings.
Then Heath... oh, god!... then Jackie's!
This is going to be a difficult year.
I can tell that already.
Thank you all for being here.
Robbie.....I so know how you feel....no one can tell me to move on and not let all this overcome my "real" life...my family...Jackie was my family..she was my sister...she was OUR sister..it's going to take awhile for me too,hon...for many of us....
I got a call from Paula,left a message on my answering machine...she called me "NellieBelle" and she sang happy birthday to me....I cried....I so cried that I couldn't even call her back....her voice reminded me of Jackie...even though it hurt so bad it felt SO fucken good and I was SO touched that she called and did this....I'm so grateful for friends like you all..we need each other...
(((((((((((((((( HUGS )))))))))))))))))))
Nellie
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There will be, Debbie... but, I'm thinking, the sadness in my heart will remain there for quite some time...
(((((((DEBBIE)))))))
Rob, the sadness you are experiencing now will make your reunion in just a little while even sweeter. Hold that realization in your heart, please.
((((((((((((((((ROB)))))))))))))))))))
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I think it will take me a long time to "believe" Jackie is really gone, that her posting days are done despite her spirit living among these threads. I realize I took for granted she would always be here... waiting to welcome me back to this site (waiting to welcome anybody for the first time, for the 100th). THIS SUCKS! >:(
Yep....my sentiments exactly. Been having these same thoughts the past few days.
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(((((((Nellie and Fritz)))))))
:-*
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You're a lovely guy Rob.....
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Desperadum, WHERE did Jackie's cake come from? I read somewhere it was a coffee flavored cake! I live outside of DC and would love to get my hands on coffee flavored cake! ;D
Sharyn, sorry I was out of town and am just catching up with posts. It was a mocha cake and was made by a bakery in Hyattsville called Maxim. I Googled bakeries in or near College Park, and this one sounded good (and it delivered!). I wanted to order a cherry cake, but they don't make those - this was one they suggested and it sounded good.
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So glad it all went well. I thought of you all and wished like mad I could have been there with you.
But you were, Marian.
You were.
Aww!
And awe.
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Jack died. A fictional character who's death moved me more than the deaths of most "real" people's passings.
Then Heath... oh, god!... then Jackie's!
This is going to be a difficult year.
I can tell that already.
Thank you all for being here.
HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Oh my.
I have about 4000 emails in my inbox. I was just searching through for an old one, and my eyes ran across one from "paintedshoes". My heart lept into my throat. Opening it simultaneously made me smile and sob.
It's been said here so eloquently many times, yet her beauty shines through the best in her own words.
Dear Monica,
One of my customs at Thanksgiving time is to assess the gifts for which I am thankful. Getting to know you a little has been one of the sweetest ones. Happy Thanksgiving to you and Dave, and all who are precious to you.
Hugs,
Jackie
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Desperadum, WHERE did Jackie's cake come from? I read somewhere it was a coffee flavored cake! I live outside of DC and would love to get my hands on coffee flavored cake! ;D
Sharyn, sorry I was out of town and am just catching up with posts. It was a mocha cake and was made by a bakery in Hyattsville called Maxim. I Googled bakeries in or near College Park, and this one sounded good (and it delivered!). I wanted to order a cherry cake, but they don't make those - this was one they suggested and it sounded good.
Thanks! I will definitely look them up :) What a sweet idea too for you to share in the celebration of Jackie's life!
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((((((((((( Monica )))))))))))
I miss her too...........
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((((((((((( Monica )))))))))))
I miss her too...........
^^^^^ what she said.... I still don't have the strength to go through all my PMs from Jackie and there are many!
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(((((((( Sharyn ))))))))
I think you need some hugs too.
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((((((((((( Monica )))))))))))
I miss her too...........
^^^^^ what she said.... I still don't have the strength to go through all my PMs from Jackie and there are many!
I'm kicking myself very hard - I cleared my pm's out aroubd christmas time!!
Sal :(
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I never erased mine....the stupid ones I did...but others I just kept...we talked about the men in here....A LOT..;D
And we tried so hard to understand them....*sigh*
Darling Nell, I think I know what you mean. You are emotional for the same reason I am. These men are loving, caring, decent human beings. Some are also hot as hell. hehe
They treat us women as equals, not as sex objects, which is not the case as with straight men
These men have put themselves out here, on display, in a way, and have learned that they are not threatened by us straight women either. I think it is called respect. Works both ways.
Is this what you meant?
Hugs, sister.
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Nellie, that sounds just like Jackie, so non-judgemental, so aware; I just don't think she appreciated her natural gift of communication...........she was always, always in the moment with you, I loved that about her...........a rare gift.........wonder if I was on that list of Men? ??? ??? You think? ;D ;D..................take care now........it'll get better, I promise.... :)...Jonn
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Nellie, that sounds just like Jackie, so non-judgemental, so aware; I just don't think she appreciated her natural gift of communication...........she was always, always in the moment with you, I loved that about her...........a rare gift.........wonder if I was on that list of Men? ??? ??? You think? ;D ;D..................take care now........it'll get better, I promise.... :)...Jonn
it's a secret...I can't tell if you were...lol ::)
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Owwwweeee!! I love 'secrets', makes life interesting.............and let's face it............Jackie was the BEST at keeping secrets........how I know? Mine are still with her.............soooooo sweet............ :) :)
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Desperadum, WHERE did Jackie's cake come from? I read somewhere it was a coffee flavored cake! I live outside of DC and would love to get my hands on coffee flavored cake! ;D
Sharyn, sorry I was out of town and am just catching up with posts. It was a mocha cake and was made by a bakery in Hyattsville called Maxim. I Googled bakeries in or near College Park, and this one sounded good (and it delivered!). I wanted to order a cherry cake, but they don't make those - this was one they suggested and it sounded good.
It was SOOOOO good! Thanks again, Des!
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I never erased mine....the stupid ones I did...but others I just kept...we talked about the men in here....A LOT..;D
And we tried so hard to understand them....*sigh*
Darling Nell, I think I know what you mean. You are emotional for the same reason I am. These men are loving, caring, decent human beings. Some are also hot as hell. hehe
They treat us women as equals, not as sex objects, which is not the case as with straight men
These men have put themselves out here, on display, in a way, and have learned that they are not threatened by us straight women either. I think it is called respect. Works both ways.
Is this what you meant?
Hugs, sister.
Thank you, ((((((((((((Nildita)))))))))))))))))
I can hear her voice saying that as I read.
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Nellie -
Thanks for sharing that sweet little note from Jackie. It means a lot to me to read that. And a belated thank you for being a bridge between her family, and us here. Hope to meet you one day.
Jay
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Sharyn - as I was unable to get down to attend the gathering, I wanted to send something along, and was pleased, one, that it got there, and, two, that it seemed to be happily received (I'm glad you liked it, Fritz!!).
Jackie was so special. I was also a recipient of her Thanksgiving message. I was so touched - it was such a typically sweet, understated and heartfelt gesture on her part. I let her know how much her words, and her friendship, meant to me. I am grateful that I had opportunities to meet her in Texas and just a few months ago when she came to New York during Wayne's visit. It still doesn't seem possible that she is gone, and when I read all the recent posts from Nellie, Wayne, Rob and others, it makes me very sad, but also grateful that she touched so many lives, and that we were able to connect. Sending a cake in her remembrance was a small gesture, but one I hoped in its tangibility she might have appreciated.
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From The Daily Sheet - July 14, 2006:
Paintedshoes explained why this picture of Heath on Oscar Night is her personal fave:
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi50.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff334%2Fpaintedshoes%2Fledger_wideweb__470x3770.jpg&hash=b6ec965b96aa77d74d7eb24a9c11f20d7d39b258)
"Heath is so often photographed by the paparazzi dressed in a very casual manner, which is fine. That's who he is. But, in this photo, he exudes old-fashioned Hollywood MOVIE STAR charisma. He is a commanding, confident presence, filling the space literally and figuratively. He could be Gary Cooper or Tyrone Power. Yet, the slightly tousled hair and earring remind us that it is our Heath, with just a hint of a twinkle in his eye and a touch of a smile at the corner of his mouth."
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Sharyn - as I was unable to get down to attend the gathering, I wanted to send something along, and was pleased, one, that it got there, and, two, that it seemed to be happily received (I'm glad you liked it, Fritz!!).
Jackie was so special. I was also a recipient of her Thanksgiving message. I was so touched - it was such a typically sweet, understated and heartfelt gesture on her part. I let her know how much her words, and her friendship, meant to me. I am grateful that I had opportunities to meet her in Texas and just a few months ago when she came to New York during Wayne's visit. It still doesn't seem possible that she is gone, and when I read all the recent posts from Nellie, Wayne, Rob and others, it makes me very sad, but also grateful that she touched so many lives, and that we were able to connect. Sending a cake in her remembrance was a small gesture, but one I hoped in its tangibility she might have appreciated.
Small Gestures come from the biggest of hearts.... and not only would Jackie have appreciated it, but her newly combined family did! And hopefully soon, I'll be able to go get me that cake so I can share in at least how tasty it was! :D
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Sharyn - as I was unable to get down to attend the gathering, I wanted to send something along, and was pleased, one, that it got there, and, two, that it seemed to be happily received (I'm glad you liked it, Fritz!!).
Jackie was so special. I was also a recipient of her Thanksgiving message. I was so touched - it was such a typically sweet, understated and heartfelt gesture on her part. I let her know how much her words, and her friendship, meant to me. I am grateful that I had opportunities to meet her in Texas and just a few months ago when she came to New York during Wayne's visit. It still doesn't seem possible that she is gone, and when I read all the recent posts from Nellie, Wayne, Rob and others, it makes me very sad, but also grateful that she touched so many lives, and that we were able to connect. Sending a cake in her remembrance was a small gesture, but one I hoped in its tangibility she might have appreciated.
You have no idea how much of a taste I have for that cake RIGHT now....in fact,I'm glad they didn't make cherry cake..that was something special in Brokeback....but this coffee mocha cake is now going to be something "special" for Jackie...every time I have some,my heart and mind will be with her...and with you,because of your thoughtfulness and warm heart....
(((((((((((( HUGS )))))))))))
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OK, I've been trying to catch up with email and there are a number of requests for some of the tributes read at the Memorial on Saturday.This, from Marian, is the only one I have a complete copy of. I'll ask Rodney for what he has and post them, ok? But be patient, he just went home to Florida
MY SMALL TRIBUTE
At this time I would love to be with you all, celebrating the lives of
two wonderful people, but believe me, I am there in spirit. It was in
Colorado last May that I met Jackie, and found that she was as warm and
friendly in the flesh as she always appeared to be on the forum. When I
arrived on the forum, heartshot and bewildered, Jackie's username,
painted shoes, was one of the first to catch my eye, and I remember
feeling an affinity with her once I found out about the woman behind the
name. So many battered souls found a safe haven with her. I'm glad I had
the chance to know her; I wish I had known her better.
And Heath. My Heath. Before he became Our Ennis, he was My Ned. When
Heath was still a toddler, I became fascinated by Australia's great
bushranger, Ned Kelly. I confess that I wasn't entirely pleased when
this pretty-boy-made-good won the part of Ned in the 2003 film, but with
each interview and each article, he seduced me more and more. In his
inimitable fashion - both serious and enthusiastic, a sort of solemn
passion - he spoke about Ned with such intelligence and respect that I
knew the role would be in safe hands.
And so my passion for a bushranger led me to Brokeback Mountain, and a
better understanding of this remarkable young man, an old soul in a
divine young body. I fell totally in love with him. As Ennis, he
shredded my heart, broke me into little pieces and then put them back
together in a better way. However, if he had just been a talented actor,
I would not have been so attracted to him. What I saw beyond the good
looks and odd fashion sense was a remarkably caring, sensitive and
warm-hearted man, down-to-earth, loyal to his friends, kind and
perceptive. I know we tend to eulogise people in these situations but in
Heath's case all the praise and admiration seems justified.
He was well aware of the effect the film had on so many people. He
wrote, "Brokeback Mountain is something of a phenomenon in my life. An
unexpected one. I am awed and proud to have been a small part of
bridging a gap that should never have existed. There is yet a long road
to travel, but I hope to have done even a little in making the journey
shorter."
One of the best biographers of Ned Kelly ended his history with a few
words which could just as easily fit Heath Ledger. "He was at peace, but
throughout the broad land his spirit had never been more awake."
It's fitting that Heath used to sign his correspondence "Peace, Heath".
Rest in peace, my darling boy. Your spirit will live on.
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Marian... our Ministering Angel...
Those words took my breath away.
Again I cry over the loss of our Jackie, and our Heath. Hot, painful tears. Both too young to leave us so soon.
I wish like nothing else that we can go back a month or so and change those two lives, that they may continue living with us in this realm instead of one we're not entirely part of now.
(((((((MINI)))))))
Rob
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Jackie loved this song.....so Happy Valentine's Day,hermana!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iXas6Svnkk
Love you mucho bunches
Nellie...:-*
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Thanks for that song, Nellie! :-* :-*
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For Jackie
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi257.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fhh229%2Fbrokebacktom%2FRockiessunset.jpg&hash=f59496077fad7d7e8375b898523331725692722b)
I also came across a past PM from her too. It hit me hard.
Dear Tom,
One of the custom for me at Thanksgiving time, is to assess the wonderful gifts for which I am grateful. Sharing delicious time in Colorado, getting to know, a little so far, has been one of my sweetest gifts. To the future!
many hugs,
Jackie
Miss you!!!!!
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This was my last PM from Jackie
Hi, sweetie,
sometime soon, I will be getting a Skype call from London...damn I wish you were here with me, to surprise everyone...if I disappear that is why...did you get your painting, or anything done?
Hugs,
J
I'm so glad she was able to Skype with all the Euro's.....when she sent me this Pm I called her....the conversation lasted exactly 50 seconds because she received the call from London...she was so giggly ,so excited...I remember after hanging up with her in a hurry I was smiling and thinking to myself.... "I'm so glad she's able to do this and so jeolous,that little witch".....lol....I used to call her that all the time,it made her laugh.........*sigh*
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi50.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff334%2Fpaintedshoes%2FMeandTerry2.jpg&hash=015b653aa5cb27fcd2b1f5c5f5b1de3bbf4c060e)
Jackie's TDS Profile - 10/20/06 (http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=15424.msg537314#msg537314)
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Thanks, Glenn, for the link. I hadn't read it since it was first posted, and had forgotten several details.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FIMG_0211.jpg&hash=7d366df1754d8c3ed00c44035dfba91c0a6ec9d0)
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You're welcome (((Fritz))).
Jackie's profile was also included in her special TDS Tribute edition. (http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28617.0)
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My wife Katrina just told me she heard from Rodney a short time ago. Upon returning to Florida, he needed surgery almost immediately, as his retina detached. And that's all I know right now.
I'm not going to bother him about the memorial statements>>We will get them from someone aside from Rodney.
Lee or Adam have got to have them somewhere. It will just take a bit longer, for which I apologise...
I'm sure prayers and emails are welcome.
Thanks, Jack
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Oh, Jack. That's terrible news to hear about Rodney, but thanks for filling us in.
I will be praying for him, too.
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Oh, no. I will be continuing to pray for Rodney. Thanks for letting us know.
Jack, could you post the info in the Christians thread? People there would like to know and pray for him.
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Sure Fritz, just did it as requested. Thanks.
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi50.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff334%2Fpaintedshoes%2FMeandTerry2.jpg&hash=015b653aa5cb27fcd2b1f5c5f5b1de3bbf4c060e)
Jackie's TDS Profile - 10/20/06 (http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=15424.msg537314#msg537314)
One of several reasons Jackie was my "Big Sis"... She was born and raised in my backyard...
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Poor guy...That is painful; my bro-in-law had the surgery. Its routine, but Rodney not being in good health and all....yeesh. I too will send up a prayer of hope for him.
Thanks Jack.
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This was my last PM from Jackie
Hi, sweetie,
sometime soon, I will be getting a Skype call from London...damn I wish you were here with me, to surprise everyone...if I disappear that is why...did you get your painting, or anything done?
Hugs,
J
I'm so glad she was able to Skype with all the Euro's.....when she sent me this Pm I called her....the conversation lasted exactly 50 seconds because she received the call from London...she was so giggly ,so excited...I remember after hanging up with her in a hurry I was smiling and thinking to myself.... "I'm so glad she's able to do this and so jeolous,that little witch".....lol....I used to call her that all the time,it made her laugh.........*sigh*
Thanks for posting this Nells...
It was so important to everyone here to have a skype chat with Jackie...
The last time I actually saw her was in a brief Skype chat on Friday 4th Jan... Jari, Marc and I had just come home from an Indian Restaurant... :'( :'( :'(
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I missed that Skype chat - was in London meeting some wonderful people from the forum - and got back too late.
A huge regret if there ever was one. :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
-
I've had Skype--meaning the camera and everything else--since early last year. But I never set it up. And now I have no clue whatsoever where it all is. It's 'somewhere' in this construction shambles.
I could have spoken with so many people if I'd gotten off my rear and just set it up!
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Since you all loved Jackie so much, I wanted to add my two-cents about her here. I didn't swim in the same pool she did so we weren't "friends," and we didn't converse a lot, but she found me one day. She sent me a pm that made these arid eyes (which reign over a toughened heart) well up, and she reminded me that the world can be a place of kindness, not just grief. She said wonderful, heartfelt, generous things to me. She made me feel I had some purpose and that somewhere out here in physical space I existed -- at least as a spirit.
I treasure her pm's to me. I have never been able to delete them. I read them now with tears in my eyes and know that I will never forget such a person. You know the one, the one who can make you feel like you matter and have a gift, and can do it without sentimentality. You know, the one who makes you believe again that it is possible to connect to humanity and it's just as easy as pie.
We had no exchange of confidences or girl-to-girl talks or plans to meet one day. We were just two humans together and I'll never forget it as long as I live. She stood out on this forum and inexplicably I'll take her with me in my DNA right down into my own grave. She was the definition of grace and she was an instrument of divine grace to me. I profoundly wish her godspeed.
-
((((((((((((( Quijote )))))))))))))
What beautiful words.
-
Quijote,
Thank you for your post...Jackie sure had those "magical" words,didn't she. I'm glad you were able to share some moments with her....glad you have those memories to fill your heart, makes me smile.
(((hugs)))
Nellie
-
25K, for Jackie. Love you, dearest.
-
Quijote,
Thank you for your post...Jackie sure had those "magical" words,didn't she. I'm glad you were able to share some moments with her....glad you have those memories to fill your heart, makes me smile.
(((hugs)))
Nellie
I agree Nellie... Beautiful post... :)
-
Hi Jackie,
Sorry have not been in here to say hi to you this week.. Work has kept me busy...
Wanted to tell you that I still miss you like mad...
And that Catia is coming to see me tomorrow and stay for the weekend - I can not wait to see the darling... Wish we could call or skype with you as we did from Italy...
Be sure of one thing, we plan to raise a few HUGE glasses to you sweetheart...
Love you forever
Wayne
:-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :'( :-* :-*
-
I MISS HER.
-
I MISS HER.
Yes.
:'( :'( :'( :'(
(((((( Marc )))))))
-
I MISS HER.
HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!
-
((((((((((((((( Wayne Marc ))))))))))))))))
-
Thanks ((((Guys)))); some days it's harder than others :-\...
-
I MISS HER.
((((((((((((((((( Marco ))))))))))))))))))))
For the first time in days I cried again yesterday..I was preparing dinner and thought of her....I was making chicken...my chicken "titties"...
Marc.....I think of her 24/7.....I catch myself saying "RATS" under my breath....some days I come in here,in this Forum, and find it so fucken lonely. I lurk and log off.....some days I'm so happy to see you and the others,the pain doesn't seem that bad.....but then...
I wish we didn't live so far away....I look forward to summer so I can find other things to keep my mind busy..I'm so looking forward to gardening ..I plan on planting a special flower(s) in Jackie's honor...."white Lillies" is one of them.
I miss my "girlie" talks with her....the "Oh Nell's"........I know she's happy now...I know she isn't hurting any more..and I know she's looking down on us...praying for us..trying to keep us safe if God doesn't have other plans for her....it all feels good darling....on those warm sunny days as you feel your face warm up, that's Jackie planting kisses on your cheek,sweetheart!!
-
NELL ((((HUGS))))
-
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( Nellie ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
-
Slash Bash, Silver Spring MD, 12 October 2007
Notice/warning: videos including Jackie (the last that I took of her)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODZ7QNQjbb4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WwG1vM9zww
-
Shit...that was REALLY hard to watch... :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
Thank you fritzie
-
I am not going to watch it, now - maybe never.
But thank you, (((((Fritz)))))
-
It's hard but it's wonderful, to see how happy Jackie was then, and how happy she made everyone in the room with her.
(((((((((((((((((((( Jackie )))))))))))))))))
-
Fritz:
Thanks and that was great. Wouldn't miss it for the world. Made me happy to see her having fun. :)
-
ANNOUNCEMENT REGARDING THE SCATTERING OF JACKIE'S ASHES IN OXFORD JUNE 21ST
Dear all,
As some of you will previously have read Jackie's family have given me the honour and privilege of arranging to scatter half of Jackie's ashes in Oxford when the Brokies are gathering together...
Jackie said she was determined to make it to Oxford and she will...
I have been liaising with the family and several members on here to sort out something which was beautiful and serene to match Jackie...
The scattering will take place on the longest day of the year, the summer solstice to reflect the sunshine that Jackie brought into ALL our lives...
A precise location will be sorted nearer the time, but is most likely to be along the river in Oxford...
To avoid hordes of people being around, this will be taking place in the morning, time to be confirmed.
I have arranged with a few of Jackie's closest friends to take part in her memorial as follows, but in no particular order as yet:
1) Jari (Boris) will read some prose
2) Chuck (Cellardweller) will read a poem specially written for the occasion
3) Marc (AmIEnnis) will offer a prayer
The ashes will be divided into 5 and scattered by
1) Wayne (Zudos)
2) Jari
3) Chuck
4) Marc
5) Nick (Triggerhippie)
And as they float away everyone else in attendance will be given an opportunity to scatter some flower petals (hopefully) to accompany Jackie as the river current takes her towards London.
Whilst the scattering is going on, Sarah (BBMBLISS), Martina (desertrat) and V. (Elvan) are arranging to sing a fitting piece of choral music...
I wish we could include more in the main part of the above, as there are so many others that were close to Jackie; Rob, Conny, Catia, Andy to name just a few, but I wanted to keep it simple.
I hope its what Jackie would wish for...
I am also hoping to have this all recorded on DVD, so that the family can be sent copies...
And then the celebrations in the evening in Oxford will be dedicated to Jackie...
If anyone has any questions or would like any more info at this stage please PM me...
I really hope that all members, friends and family who are coming to the gathering in Oxford will join us for this celebration in the morning as well as the evening...
Wayne :)
-
Wayne, this sounds like a wonderful way to remember her.
It's bringing tears to my eyes again even to read this, but you've really planned it well. I know those chosen to fill primary roles in the ceremony will do it with dignity and honor.
I will be honored just to be there.
((((((((((((((((( Everyone ))))))))))))))))
-
Paula also said to say sorry to those she has not had a chance to email back yet...
She has thrown herself into her work, and is pulling 100 hour weeks at the moment...
She, like so many of us is struggling to deal with the loss of Jackie and to quote her: 'I've actually called her at least 10 times, only to hang up the phone after 1 or 2 rings-- realizing that she's not going to answer. Of course, then I break into tears, and end up throwing myself into something else-- either the kids or work.'
So the family still need all our love and support...
-
I hope its what Jackie would wish for...
It's more than she ever wished for...thank you SOOO much Wayne. :'( :'(
-
I hope its what Jackie would wish for...
It's more than she ever wished for...thank you SOOO much Wayne. :'( :'(
Thanks Nells and Debbie...
But all the thanks go to Jackie, our wonderful darling, for being a part of our lives, as we have all grown in the past 2 years... :'( :'( :'( :'( :-*
I so wish you could be there Nells, but I understand its a long way etc...
-
Like many others I, too, will be there in spirit.... :-*
Thanks, Wayne.
-
I so wish you could be there Nells, but I understand its a long way etc...
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
-
I so wish you could be there Nells, but I understand its a long way etc...
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
((((NILDITA))))
-
I really hope that all members, friends and family who are coming to the gathering in Oxford will join us for this celebration in the morning as well as the evening...
Wayne :)
For me it will be an honor and a privilege to be there.....thanks Wayne
-
I so wish you could be there Nells, but I understand its a long way etc...
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
((((NILDITA))))
I need a fucken miracle!
-
I so wish you could be there Nells, but I understand its a long way etc...
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
((((NILDITA))))
I need a fucken miracle!
How about this place...? :-*
-
I just wanted to apologise for the delay in posting the statements read at the Memorial in Denver on the 9th. It's been pretty hectic and crazy around here the last few weeks and we've all been sick to one degree or the other as well. Hopefully I can get copies and post them in the next few days, while I'm in NY.
Thanks,and again: many apologies
Jack
-
Wayne, I so wish I could be there with you all to share in this special ceremony honoring our Jackie. I will be there with you in spirit............
-
A few days ago I was searching for an email from a colleague and found this from Jackie... I had to share it with you all... This was written on 19th Feb 2007...
Wayne, basically life is good, and I would NOT change anything about the last year, especially meeting so many friends here on the Forum. Is it ok that I am horribly jealous of you getting to spend time with Jari? But, then, I am going to Bay City. I guess it all works out, somehow.
So....how are you?
Big love,
Jackie
-
Wayne, thanks for continuing to post these little nuggets from Jackie that show her humanity, and her wisdom.
I have been searching for awhile to come up with one word which describes Jackie to me. Last night I found it: grace. Jackie was a woman of grace. She treated everyone with grace, whether they were a best friend, or someone she was only beginning to know. She tried to make everyone feel comfortable.
That is what I remember from the gatherings where I met her in person. It also shows on the videos from Bay City and the Slash Bash, where I can hear her voice. And it shows in the emails and PM's which people still have from her, and which continue to be collected here.
-
Precisely, Debbie. Thank you.
-
Ditto Fritzie Debbie!
-
I have been searching for awhile to come up with one word which describes Jackie to me. Last night I found it: grace. Jackie was a woman of grace. She treated everyone with grace, whether they were a best friend, or someone she was only beginning to know. She tried to make everyone feel comfortable.
That is what I remember from the gatherings where I met her in person. It also shows on the videos from Bay City and the Slash Bash, where I can hear her voice. And it shows in the emails and PM's which people still have from her, and which continue to be collected here.
Amazing Grace... that is what she embodied
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldAxy5nLkq8
...and Grace will lead me home
Thank you, Debbie
-
And thank you, Marc, for posting that beautiful rendition of that song.
-
My hairs stood up from my arms just listening to that...
Marc, you did Jackie justice by choosing that particular version of this song....thank you
-
All of the the messages posted on the first 84 pages of this thread have been printed and compiled into a full-color book as a memento for Jackie's family. The book is the result of the efforts of Nax. The book itself weighs eight pounds and is three inches thick. We also included a disk containing the electronic image of the whole book in case the family wants to print another copy. Dave wrote a really nice letter to the family, presenting the book to them on behalf of all of Jackie's friends on the Forum. They should be receiving the book, disk and letter this week. I think you all would approve.
- KH
-
Sounds wonderful, Kittyhawk.
Thank you, Neil, for all that hard work. :-*
-
Yes, thank you all for your time and effort. I know that Paula and the rest of the family will greatly appreciate it.
-
thank you for all the work ! i'm sure jackie's family will apprechiate it. thank you.
-
((((Neilchou)))), you are simply fantastic!
Thanks to all involved for making this wonderful gift possible, a token of our closeness with Jackie.
-
This is my 26'334th post.
A very special moment - it's exactly Jackie's post count, the day she last posted in the Diner/Forum.
I would like to pay hommage to our extraordinary friend
and tell her,
with these two images,
how much she means to me. Her words, her friendship, her entire being.
These two visual metaphors were special to her and myself -
Jackie, this is for you:
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi160.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ft172%2Fingmarnicebbmt%2FCorinna2-Derwische2.jpg&hash=bfe033500b82d655b19ed557ca8b5b891ca89ee2)
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi160.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ft172%2Fingmarnicebbmt%2Fbroccoliiiii.jpg&hash=ff099afa21644fc3e34a8c2e7e4c21a361867e8b)
(((((((((((((((((((((JackieLadyBird))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
:-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'(
-
All of the the messages posted on the first 84 pages of this thread have been printed and compiled into a full-color book as a memento for Jackie's family. The book is the result of the efforts of Nax. The book itself weighs eight pounds and is three inches thick. We also included a disk containing the electronic image of the whole book in case the family wants to print another copy. Dave wrote a really nice letter to the family, presenting the book to them on behalf of all of Jackie's friends on the Forum. They should be receiving the book, disk and letter this week. I think you all would approve.
- KH
Thats amazing... Thanks Neil for all your hard work... :-*
-
This is my 26'334th post.
A very special moment - it's exactly Jackie's post count, the day she last posted in the Diner/Forum.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( Ingmar )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( Jackie ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
To Love and Friendship!!!!
-
This is my 26'334th post.
A very special moment - it's exactly Jackie's post count, the day she last posted in the Diner/Forum.
I would like to pay hommage to our extraordinary friend
and tell her,
with these two images,
how much she means to me. Her words, her friendship, her entire being.
These two visual metaphors were special to her and myself -
Jackie, this is for you:
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi160.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ft172%2Fingmarnicebbmt%2FCorinna2-Derwische2.jpg&hash=bfe033500b82d655b19ed557ca8b5b891ca89ee2)
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi160.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ft172%2Fingmarnicebbmt%2Fbroccoliiiii.jpg&hash=ff099afa21644fc3e34a8c2e7e4c21a361867e8b)
(((((((((((((((((((((JackieLadyBird))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
:-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'(
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Ingmar))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Beautiful.................... just beautiful.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Jackie)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
-
This is my 26'334th post.
A very special moment - it's exactly Jackie's post count, the day she last posted in the Diner/Forum.
I would like to pay hommage to our extraordinary friend
How very special, Ingy. I was wondering how people would mark this threshold when they crossed it. You've done it well.
((((((((((((((( Ingy )))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((( Jackie )))))))))))))))))
-
Merci ((((((((((MiaSueDeb)))))))))))))))).
And (((((((((((((((((Broccolette Jackie)))))))))))))))), of course.
-
This is my 26'334th post.
A beautiful thought. So kind. Thank you.
-
Je t'en prie, Daniela. ;)
-
I had a dream of Jackie a couple of nights ago. It was set on a beach. I've also dreamed of my late mother on a beach, and since I grew up by the ocean and virtually lived on the beach twelve months a year, I guess it has some sort of symbolism for me.
Anyway, Jackie and I were riding a tandem bike until it got too hard to do in the sand. Then we began climbing sandhills, very steep, very high and very dangerous. There were Civil War graves scattered about, and I was thinking how odd it was to bury people in such unstable conditions. There was also a lot of pine fencing on the hills, which was very secure despite the sand. Jackie and I hauled ourselves and each other up to the top. And that's all.
She was just so perfectly Jackie, the same helpful, warm, friendly lady I remember. When I woke up I started crying because it was such a beautiful dream. I just thought I'd share that.
-
Awwwww, ((((((((((((( hugs )))))))))))))
Makes perfect sense why you would cry. But it's another beautiful "memory" you'll have of her.
That's was a very nice dream, you describe it so I can picture it well.
-
I had a dream of Jackie a couple of nights ago. It was set on a beach. I've also dreamed of my late mother on a beach, and since I grew up by the ocean and virtually lived on the beach twelve months a year, I guess it has some sort of symbolism for me.
Anyway, Jackie and I were riding a tandem bike until it got too hard to do in the sand. Then we began climbing sandhills, very steep, very high and very dangerous. There were Civil War graves scattered about, and I was thinking how odd it was to bury people in such unstable conditions. There was also a lot of pine fencing on the hills, which was very secure despite the sand. Jackie and I hauled ourselves and each other up to the top. And that's all.
She was just so perfectly Jackie, the same helpful, warm, friendly lady I remember. When I woke up I started crying because it was such a beautiful dream. I just thought I'd share that.
That's just wonderful....*sigh*...so glad you shared it with us,thank you
-
I was thinking of Jackie the other day, and I thought she might like this.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi257.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fhh229%2Fbrokebacktom%2FRockiessunset.jpg&hash=f59496077fad7d7e8375b898523331725692722b)
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Our dear Jackie -- "paintedshoes" -- never far from my heart, and the first person to call me "Voice of Brokeback"
-
Didn't know that, Rodney. Very appropriate. :-* :-* :-*
-
She actually signed my Beyond Brokeback on her page with "Voice of Brokeback." Lately the description has come up so frequently that I decided to make use of it.
-
I sure do miss that gal! :'(
-
I sure do miss that gal! :'(
*sigh*.....I often look to call her or send her an e-mail.....but...
So many good memories...so many tears....I still hear her, her giggles,even that tone of her voice when she got pissed at something....I still hear it.....it all makes me smile...that's all I have to allow to happen....to bring the good and just smile...that's what she would of wanted
-
That's right Nellie, it's what Jackie would have wanted, remember the smiles, laughs and good times, I still have days when I peek in the Diner, expecting to see her posts........then remember........I wish I could be in Oxford for the memorial, it sounds so comforting and fitting, providing closure to many too..... :) :).........Jonn
-
Like Ing several pages back, I have also just reached the point where Jackie posted her last time. So on this 26,334th return to the Forum, I would like once again to remember a great lady, a wonderful and warm human being, a person with a wicked sense of humor, a dispenser of wisdom and experience, a beautiful soul. Thank you, Jackie, for having made life even more special these past two years.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi79.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fj157%2Fdjbdc9%2FIMG_1384.jpg&hash=35fca212c126e30ede7a3fea0246b360393e83c0)
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FIMG_0211.jpg&hash=7d366df1754d8c3ed00c44035dfba91c0a6ec9d0)
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Very nice, Fritz. :-*
-
Candle On The Water by Helen Reddy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBZ2mV1GwuQ
In loving memory of Jackie :-*
Happy Easter, darling
-
Hey Jackie darling...
We wanted to say hi from Vienna... Of course if you were available, we would have called you to make you a part of our get together... You would LOVE Vienna...
We miss you loads and have been chattin about you...
Raising a glass of good Austrian beer to you my lovely....
:-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
-
I bought this picture in memory of Jackie on the day Heath died. So, I guess its for both of them. Its in my bathroom and its the first thing I see every morning.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi257.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fhh229%2Fbrokebacktom%2FPhoto12_9-1.jpg&hash=8058962b834910ca01731c5f141518ab8e1dc0a4)
-
For Jackie....
David Archuleta; "A Thousand Miles"
http://youtube.com/watch?v=nFAAzxAlhHc
Thanks for the link,Adrian ;)...I know if Jackie was with us,she would of been in love with this kid...
Nellie
-
I've been thinking a lot about Jackie these past couple of days... of Heath, of Nick's mom, Nick and his family, of Conny and what she must be going though, of Glenn and his mothers terrible accident, of Linda and her father's stroke, of Jari and his friend and mentor.
So much sadness...
May comfort fill our lives soon.
Hugs
-
(((((((((( Rob ))))))))))))
Hugs to you. I was just thinking of Jackie on the way home from errands. Some little thing will make me remember her, and it's both a happy memory and a sad feeling at the same time.
-
It comes and goes.....these feelings ..*sigh*
I've been feeling guilty these past few weeks,actually....I've been avoiding calling Paula...I don't know why,I think of them EVERY passing day...I don't want her to think I forgot about her and Jackie's son,Mark. I just have this emptiness inside that I don't even want to be in this Forum even,at times....I miss her so much. Some days I don't want to remember anything...I don't want to remember going to Maryland,seeing Jackie's empty apartment...nothing
but then my thoughts go to Paula and Mark and how they must feel.....
God help our hurting hearts.....God watch over our loved one's and their families....sooth their pain and replace it with good loving memories, that will only bring us all smiles,not tears
((((((((((( hugs )))))))))))) to everyone
-
((((((((((((((( Nellie ))))))))))))))))))
Yes, good loving memories are what I hope we all have, eventually, as the pain eases.
It just needs more time. And I hope we can help each other with it.
Speaking for myself, I'm so glad that I met you down in Maryland, Nellie -- that was one blessing that came from all of this.
-
((((((((((((((( Nellie ))))))))))))))))))
Yes, good loving memories are what I hope we all have, eventually, as the pain eases.
It just needs more time. And I hope we can help each other with it.
Speaking for myself, I'm so glad that I met you down in Maryland, Nellie -- that was one blessing that came from all of this.
thank you hon,for your kind words...
it was really nice to meet you and the rest....((hugs))
Nellie
-
Hello friends,
Just a little note over here from the Windy City... :D
I just wanted to mention to you all that Paula and Mark received the book that you all put together....Dave and his group,Neil,Lydia...all who were involved in putting it together...I'm not sure who else
She was a ball of tears when it arrived and is very much touched that you all did this for her family...it means the world to her..she hasn't read all of it but she was reading some of the stuff to her kids....and they recognized a picture posted of me and said.."That's Auntie Nellie".....*sigh*....yes, it means the world to me too that you guys pulled it thru and printed this special gift for them,something they will cherish forever.
She has been meaning to swing by in here and read what's been going on,but hasn't found the time and energy just yet. They finally cleaned out Jackie's apartment ,they had until Feb.29th....very hard for them as you can imagine.But I did mention that people still come in here and that we at times dedicate a poem or a song to her...or just simply pretending we're writing her a little note of a "hello" to her....she loves to hear that
Anyway...just wanted you all to know that everything is so appreciated..thank you so much for all your hard work from Paula and Mark and from me,too..
((hugs))
Nellie
-
Nellie, that's wonderful to hear, that they appreciated the book so much.
I'm also very glad that you have been in contact with them again.
Thanks for keeping us up to date with what's going on with them...they are such beautiful people, with such big hearts.
-
Thanks for that update, Nellie!
The next time you talk to them, please let them know that we're thinking of them!
-
Thanks for that update, Nellie!
The next time you talk to them, please let them know that we're thinking of them!
I always do, Chucky....... ;)
-
It comes and goes.....these feelings ..*sigh*
I've been feeling guilty these past few weeks,actually....I've been avoiding calling Paula...I don't know why,I think of them EVERY passing day...I don't want her to think I forgot about her and Jackie's son,Mark. I just have this emptiness inside that I don't even want to be in this Forum even,at times....I miss her so much. Some days I don't want to remember anything...I don't want to remember going to Maryland,seeing Jackie's empty apartment...nothing
but then my thoughts go to Paula and Mark and how they must feel.....
God help our hurting hearts.....God watch over our loved one's and their families....sooth their pain and replace it with good loving memories, that will only bring us all smiles,not tears
((((((((((( hugs )))))))))))) to everyone
Hi Nellie,
Had to go to Union Station after work today and decided to take "the other way" home, continuing out to Ft. Totten, then changing to the Green Line and returning to Columbia Heights. At Ft. Totten I thought how close I was to Jackie's, (a couple of stops further out) and that there would not be much reason to come this way any more. I "sneaked" into Jackie's Friends just now for the first time in quite awhile and saw this post and realized how much I do not want to remember things, and how difficult it is try and join Forum discussions just yet. That pretty much sums it up for me. Jackie was a very important part of the Forum for me and the interaction we had locally meant so very much. I suspect that is why I have been "super reclusive" lately. Will try to mend that soon. I am always around.
Love and hugs to you Nellie.
(((((((((((((((Nellie)))))))))))))))
David
-
((((((((((((((((((((((David)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
-
Fritz knows you so much better than I do, David, so I'm glad he gave you a hug first. But I read your post and wanted to, so here it is
((((((((((((((((( David )))))))))))))))))
Believe me, I know what you're going through. Jackie really liked you and you were very important to her. It must be so tough to lose someone who was a local friend, the way she was for you.
-
DAVID.....my gosh,I think of you all the time...was telling myself that I need to pick up the damn phone and call this man. I'm sorry,I'm so bad at this ....calling...PMing.....I kept the little wooden box with the great big purple bow on it, the one that came with the chocolates.... it's my safe keeper now...I keep Jackie's little things in there.
It's hard honey...I know...every passing day is hard..but it's also getting easier,at times. I still can't get myself to stay in this Forum longer than 10 minutes..it just isn't the same...I'm sorry...nothing against all the others,it's something I didn't plan..it just is....
Start off by sending PM's at first...you don't have to join the conversations in the Diner,or elsewhere....PM me for starters....I can use a PM or two. I miss you and hold you tight in my arms...it's going to be a'right!
Love ya,
Nellie...xoxo
-
(((((((Nellie)))))))
Good to see you here the same time I am...
:-* :-* :-*
-
(((((((Nellie)))))))
Good to see you here the same time I am...
:-* :-* :-*
Hello darling :-*
-
Happy Page 100
THE HALLOWED PAINTED SHOES xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
-
Hey Jackie...
Just had a rush of a memory...
Blissful heat in DC...
Great day touring - when you, ahem, needed to sit down near all the shirtless guys playing football in the Mall...
Evening back at yours, stormy, power out, sitting on your balcony with candellight, talking about the meaning of life and what we intended to do with ours....
Miss you babycakes :-*
I still have a big hole in my heart :'(
-
((((((((((((((((( Wayne )))))))))))))))))))))))
What a memory. :'(
-
A memory just popped in my head just now....
First day in Texas 2006....it was a friggin 110 degrees or something that August...Jackie and I were sitting on some lawn chairs out in Linda's backyard,nearby a tree...we were smoking our cigarettes and drinking our Coronas...just the two of us .....enjoying the big ass fans Linda had rented out to cool us off....all of a sudden Jackie turns to me and smiles..."Nellie,look at all these fucken gorgeous men,(she giggles) look at all these wonderful souls,gathering here all for the same reason as we are...we are so lucky to be a part of all this"..we then raised up our Coronas and said..."Cheers"......*sigh*
There are soooo many memories I have of Jackie.....and sitting here now trying to be a good Forum member and going thru all my PM's...deleting hundreds of them and saving tons more....God,I have so many wonderful posts from her...I don't ever want to loose them....please give me some time to go thru these...
""CHEERS"" to our Jackie
Nelllie
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One year ago this weekend, Saturday the 14th, Jackie and I took a trip up to Chadds Ford PA to see the Brandywine River Museum as well as other things. We had a wonderful time. I miss you, Jackie. :-* :'(
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I remember that, Fritz...
Hugs, friend...
:-*
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Auntie's barbeque was one of those experiences I'll never forget. A REAL piece in my "who I am"...
I saw Jackie the second time there in San Antonio,(the first time at Brad's) at the Mexican restaurant before the BBQ. She went with me to the airport (I had no idea where I was going!) to pick up Nick and Sal...
What sweet memories, Nellie...
:-*
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I gotta tell you guys something.......for some reason today I feel great....more so than most days...
Jackie has been playing with my mind again,I think.....now that the weather is warming up,I'm going to plant a spectacular plant in her name....does that sound LAME?...lol....I have this vision and I can't WAIT to start....I feel this strength I thought I lost.....don't know...maybe I've been outside too long in this wind today...bwahhahah....I put a plan to work,sketched out my whole yard...can't wait to show you guys!!
Just wanted to share
I know Jackie is smiling down on us...and I know with time her memory will be in storage ,always...but I can't stop talking about her...can't stop thinking of her...she changed my life...a secret I can't share with you all....*sigh*
Love you Jackie...sister of mine
Nellie
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Wonderful, Nellie! I'm sure your plant in Jackie's memory will be beautiful and strong.
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Hey, y'all....
OK, my turn...
I just got back from a successful eye surgery endeavour. It's a long and complicated story, but I'll leave out the details and just post what's relevant to this thread. In my attempt to solve this problem last year (May), I stayed with Jackie as the Dr.'s office was near enough to her apartment. She wouldn't hear of anything other than I would be staying with her and she would be driving me around. Fine. Long story short, things didn't work out to my satisfaction regarding the Dr. visit. I have been dealing with this condition since and for the last three years. (Vitreous opacities, floaters, look it up. Or perhaps Sal can comment - ;))
So in the interim, I do more homework and find this Dr. in FL who not only treated the Dr. I went to see, but taught him the procedure. Having done thousands of cases, he would be my last hope. So I made the trip, and upon seeing me said I was in the upper third of most difficult cases he has seen, but successfully removed that 'thing' from my eye.
Here's where it gets interesting...in one of the last PMs I exchanged with Jackie she asked about my eye, if it had gotten any better. I replied no, it's the same. Here is her reply to that...a direct quote from her:
"...Wish I could help with the eye thing more. ((((((((((Lenny))))))))))))))))))..."
Now I for one, know exactly why I had a positive outcome to this situation.
You bet.
Thank you, Jackie.... :-*
Big love,
Lenny
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Oh ((((((((((((((( Lenny ))))))))))))))....this is wonderful!!! and damn right, it was HER helping you...I believe in miracles and she did too...always said so.....*sigh* :'(
thank you for sharing this with us...I'm so happy for you,darling! :-*
-
(((((((((((( Lenny )))))))))))))
I just know you're right, Jackie was helping you. I'm so glad to hear about your successful outcome.
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Oh ((((((((((((((( Lenny ))))))))))))))....this is wonderful!!! and damn right, it was HER helping you...I believe in miracles and she did too...always said so.....*sigh* :'(
thank you for sharing this with us...I'm so happy for you,darling! :-*
Thank you, ((((((( Nilda )))))) I am still quite stunned at the outcome of this, but I know exactly why... ;)
:-*
-
(((((((((((( Lenny )))))))))))))
I just know you're right, Jackie was helping you. I'm so glad to hear about your successful outcome.
Thanks, Debbie, hugs back to you, too...wish I would have been able to spend more time with you last year, but thankful Jackie introduced us. Take care.
-
Thanks, Debbie, hugs back to you, too...wish I would have been able to spend more time with you last year, but thankful Jackie introduced us. Take care.
Thanks, Lenny. Oh, I remember that moment in the lodge so well. Wonderful Jackie. Wish you'd been there longer, too. :-*
-
((((((((((((((((((((((Lenny))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))), yes, Jackie takes good care of us.
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Hi everyone --
Haven't posted in here for quite some time, but I catch up periodically, usually when Jackie has been on my mind too. It's wonderful to see the stories continue to be posted, and friends continuing to support each other.
Recently had a discussion with a co-worker about support after a loved ones death, and the fact that immediately following the event there is a huge outpouring - but that it tapers off after a while, and it's really a few months down the road that those who are most affected by the loss are left to cope on their own. My thoughts immediately went to Paula and the rest of Jackie's family, and extended forum family. I think it is great we still have a place to come and share such thoughts and feelings - because they don't fade away. They will remain part of our lives for a long time yet.
Monica
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(((((((((((((((((((Lenny)))))))))))))))))))
That is a wonderful story and a tribute to Jackie and her kindness. You know she was there for you.........
-
:-\
Every single day, Jackie is on my mind. I miss her so damned much.
It's getting to the point where I can think about her without having a complete
breakdown.
Thus my post here.
-
It's happening a bit less, but I'll think of something and want to tell it to Jackie because I think she'd enjoy it, then I remember.
:-\
-
(((( Bethie and Fritz )))))
:-\
-
*sigh*......yes I know the feeling...you guys have all been great...and I hope we all continue to talk about her and think of her...and share some stories of with us....I'm sure Jackie's family and close friends from home still come and lurk in here and it would mean a lot to them to see us continue her memory...
(((hugs)))
Nellie
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I was reading some BBM fanfiction and came across Jackie's livejournal account.
There are only four entries in it, three of them poems she wrote for the
Cold Case epsisode, Forever Blue.
I read them and cried like a baby to find this.
http://paintedshoes1.livejournal.com/
I miss her so much. :'(
-
http://paintedshoes1.livejournal.com/
I miss her so much. :'(
(((hugs)))
thanks for the link,hon....it means a lot
Nellie
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi79.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fj157%2Fdjbdc9%2FIMG_1384.jpg&hash=35fca212c126e30ede7a3fea0246b360393e83c0)
.....and Jackie knows how to turn an exit into an entrance!
David
I just had to post this picture again....been thinking about her a lot today..maybe it's because I have a lot of time in my hands right now...I'm home sick,didn't go to work...maybe she's just playing games with my head,soothing me...who the hell knows....
I love you girl...
Nellie
-
Lenny :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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On Friday I went to a different supermarket, and was searching for a naughty dessert, and my eye spotted a Key Lime Pie...
My mind was transported to summer 06 when I visited Jackie, and she took me to Solomans Island, and after we had crab cakes, we walked along the front, and stopped in this beautiful small cafe attached to a gift shop, and Jackie was so excited that they had Key Lime Pie!!!! So we shared our pie together... It was amazing!
-
And whilst I have not been around much lately, it does not mean that I have not been thinking of you often Jackie darling, and also about planning your ashes scattering in Oxford...
Its wonderful that you will be with us... The participants is as listed before, but I have decided to call the event....
Jackie's Summer Solstice
21st June is the longest day of the year, the most light, and hopefully the most sunshine...
This is an amazing metaphor for what you meant to me, and us... Your sunny heart and warmth, continues to spread across us for the longest time...
Love and miss you sweetheart... :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
-
Hey hermana,
Today is a good day,girlfriend.....planted a beautiful rose bush....hope it grows as beautiful as you!!...don't forget me up there!!
tu hermana loca, ;D
Nellie :-*
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Hey hermana,
Today is a good day,girlfriend.....planted a beautiful rose bush....hope it grows as beautiful as you!!...don't forget me up there!!
tu hermana loca, ;D
Nellie :-*
:-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
-
I still talk to you every day, darling, Ms Jiminy on my shoulder, I know you are in a good place now, but still http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hh8fZLjt5Uc...
-
:-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* (((Marc )))
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Thinking of you and your service to the US this Memorial Day weekend, (((Jackie)))
And yes, you were indeed that young - and now forever will be.
Love & miss you, but you remain near in so many, many ways. I believe you know. :-*
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi224.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fdd294%2Fstilllearning24%2Fscan0002.jpg&hash=a9a36aada390f2603f386c58e3d0c23656acb461)
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Amen to that, ((((((((Glenn)))))))).
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Hi.
I really haven't been around since last year, except for a few posts on this thread. There were some issues which I had trouble with.
Back in early March I gave Paula and Adam each other's numbers; there was, in my opinion, no need for any sort of middleman when so much good will and feeling was in evidence.
Paula will be handling the time and date when Jackie's ashes will be spread up on Brokenback. The summit, as of today, still has nearly 5 feet of snow upon it. It just does not appear practical to spread her ashes up there while the Roundup is going on but things MAY change. For information, Paula is the contact of best choice, although I'm sure Adam will be kept up to speed by her.
Thanks'
Jack
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Thanks, Jack.
-
Just to let you know that Jackie arrived this morning...
So you did make it to Oxford darling as you planned...
XXXXXXXXX
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Know Jackie is glad to be staying with you for awhile Wayne.
And that you will be taking her to Oxford.
David
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So sweet, Wayne... Jackie made it there before the rest of us...
I just finished watching her favorite movie.
As always, tears were shed... for so many reasons.
Big hugs, soon in person,
R
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Wayne, you got me cryin there...
-
Welcome home, Jackie... see you soon :-*.
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Just to let you know that Jackie arrived this morning...
So you did make it to Oxford darling as you planned...
XXXXXXXXX
:'( :'( :'( :'(
Wayne,I know if Jackie were in the flesh,she would of been calling me right now and bragging that she would be sleeping in your bed......*sigh*.......my heart warms up thinking that she made it there and you'll be taking good care of her..
much love to you, to the both of you :'(...can't stop the tears from flowing right now....you better send me pictures or a CD copy of it all...
Nellie...XXOOXOX
-
Thanks for all the comments... I am now home from work and have had a chance to open my parcel properly...
Inside is a beautiful wooden box with a picture of the picture of the painted shoes on top... :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
The attached note was also in the parcel...
Dear Wayne,
Thank you so much for helping to make this happen. I'm sure that Jackie is smiling as she looks down on all of us. There is a chance that I may be able to come to London for the get-together and service. I will make sure to let you know of my plans. If I am unable to my only request (It was also Jackie's) is that the group sing a certain song at the service. I'll email you the tune with the lyrics. I'm hoping that I'll be able to lead the chorus. Thank you again for everything. Love Paula
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
My tears are also flowing, and Paula darling, I truly hope that you can make it to be with us...
Its wonderful having Jackie in my home. Her final journey in England in underway...
:-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
-
(((((Wayne)))))
(((((Jackie)))))
:'( :'( :'( :'( :-*
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Peace, my heart, let the time for the parting be sweet.
Let it not be a death but completeness.
Let love melt into memory and pain into songs.
Let the flight through the sky end in the folding of the wings over the nest.
Let the last touch of your hands be gentle like the flower of the night.
Stand still, O Beautiful End, for a moment, and say your last words in silence.
I bow to you and hold up my lamp to light you on your way.
~Rabindranath Tagore
-
(((((((((( PAULA ))))))))))))
Wayne...I'm so glad to hear the news that Paula will be there....it brings me great joy and comfort.
Thanks so much,Wayne,for putting all this together ,and all who will be participating .....much love
Nellie..xo
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Thanks Wayne for letting us know.
And I know the song too, we sang it at her place in Maryland last January.
I'm looking at the words on her card and thinking of her, Jaclyn Christine Pascarella.
Requiescas in pace.
-
I wanted to share this picture we all received when we went to Maryland in January...Paula asked that we all sing this song....Jackie's favorite..
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi51.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff376%2Fmcnell1120%2FLastScan.jpg&hash=650a156ce5b8b3593315a16174f60f1be14294de)
We love you,Jackie!!....and I miss you SOOOOO much...
Tu hermana,
Nellie
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aww thats so lovely
no ones in the diner whats going on?
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A lovely song for a lovely lady, Nellie. Thank you for posting it.
(((((((((((((((((Jackie)))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((Nellie))))))))))))))))))
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I have just downloaded the song (apparently called Theme From The Greatest American Hero); I must admit, I'd never heard it before.
Will have to do some practising ;)...
Beautiful photo of Jackie, BTW...
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Beautiful photo of Jackie, BTW...
This photo was one of her last taken of her during Christmas time...at Paula and Mark's house.....*sigh*
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Beautiful photo of Jackie, BTW...
This photo was one of her last taken of her during Christmas time...at Paula and Mark's house.....*sigh*
:-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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I'm glad Jackie arrived, Wayne.
I still miss her, I miss our chats on gmail...sometimes as I see her name on my contacts list...I know how insane it is to hope she comes online again... :'(
I love you, Jackie :-* :-*
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I'm glad Jackie arrived, Wayne.
I still miss her, I miss our chats on gmail...sometimes as I see her name on my contacts list...I know how insane it is to hope she comes online again... :'(
I love you, Jackie :-* :-*
Love and hugs Catia... :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
-
Well folks I am just packing up to head up to Brokenback. I talked to some friends up there and they say everything is muddy but not impassible. I also know of 3 different ways up there so rest assured that a memorial for Jackie and Heath will be up there! And I will be adding a few things to the cache.
And I have a couple of prayer pouches to leave up at the Medicine Wheel. So rest assured that she will hear your prayers!
Thinking of all of you!
Dana
-
Wish I were able to be up there with you, Dana!
Hugs to everyone, including Jackie.
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Wish I were able to be up there with you, Dana!
Hugs to everyone, including Jackie.
You will be in spirit! :-*
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For Jackie up on Ole Brokenback....................
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi65.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh236%2Fwyomen%2FIMG_0494_2.jpg%3Ft%3D1212873723&hash=7ed189186755aceae215949d4206968e319ea574)
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With all our love, Nellie and Dana
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Thank you, Nellie and Dana.
Appreciate the gesture, and the photo.
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Nellie and Dana,
That is just beautiful,
David
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Oh my goodness... that is so beautiful.
She would have LOVED it.
Thank you...
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Oh my goodness... that is so beautiful.
She would have LOVED it.
Thank you...
I figured she would have laughed at the old fat man hauling them up to the top! ;)
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And Chuckie helped too! He had the heavy lifting! ::)
-
Beautiful and touching. Wish I could be there :(
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Very nice, Dana... I'm so glad that Jackie's memory has been placed up on old Brokenback...
Hug Chuckie for me if he's still there with you!
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Very nice, Dana... I'm so glad that Jackie's memory has been placed up on old Brokenback...
Hug Chuckie for me if he's still there with you!
He's off in Denver now trying to recover from all the tickling and my beating his bum at pool! Kept saying I was cheaten! The IDEA!!! ::)
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That is really touching. Thank you so much.
-
Oh my goodness... that is so beautiful.
She would have LOVED it.
Thank you...
What Marc said...
:'( :'( :'( :) :) :)
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Jackie immortalised on Brokenback... How wonderful... :'( :'( :'( :'( :)
Thanks so much guys...
-
He's off in Denver now trying to recover from all the tickling and my beating his bum
Funny that... Wherever Chucki goes he always has someone beating his bottom!!!!!! Such a slapper ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Wherever Chucki goes he always has someone beating his bottom!!!!!! Such a slapper
Are you really surprised? >:D ;D
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What you did with the flowers, Nellie Dana and Chuck, was so beautiful.
Thank you so much for sharing the pictures. :)
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Wherever Chucki goes he always has someone beating his bottom!!!!!! Such a slapper
Are you really surprised? >:D ;D
When you have seen the guy 'about his business' in NYC, its no surprise... hehehehehe ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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For Jackie up on Ole Brokenback....................
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi65.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh236%2Fwyomen%2FIMG_0494_2.jpg%3Ft%3D1212873723&hash=7ed189186755aceae215949d4206968e319ea574)
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi65.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh236%2Fwyomen%2FIMG_0498_2.jpg%3Ft%3D1212873774&hash=d183b6c614600ebf47cf69aa56efb752e528cf97)
With all our love, Nellie and Dana
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(....Dana...I just lost my words...
you know I thank you from the bottom of my heart ,for doing this....
Much love
Nellie...xoxoox
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Jackie's Summer Solstice
Dear all,
Details are finalised for the above.
A couple of weeks ago I asked if anyone attending Oxford was unable to make it, and its great that only 1 person can not make it, due to prior commitments... So it will be a wonderful turn out, as Jackie would have loved.
And in addition we have Paula coming, who is Jackie's daughter in law.
Date and Time: 9am Saturday 21st June 2008
Location Oxford: Along the river past the Isis pub between Folly Bridge
My initial thoughts - and I need to think further about this - is by the river up past the Isis pub between Folly Bridge (this is the bridge at the bottom of St Aldgates) and Ifley Village, past the Oxford University boathouses - this is quite quiet earlier in the morning and is scenic. This would be about 15 minutes walk or so from Oxford. We will be meeting at the Isis Pub at 8.45am and then we will walk together to a nice quiet spot. This will be marked on the map
Dress Code I thought long and hard about this, and wanted to make sure there was not too much formality, as Jackie did not like things this way... And also her ethos was to wear whatever you were comfortable in... I can hear her saying... 'Honey, you are gorgeous anyway' :) - So its all about being comfortable, and whether thats jeans and t shirt, or a suit or dress, its completely up to you...
Structure
Introduction - Zudos (Wayne)
Words from the family - Jackiesdil (Paula) - to include group singing of one of Jackie's favourite songs.
Selfless Love - Prayer by AmIEnnis (Marc)
I'll Be Your Witness - Prose by Boris (Jari)
Our Darling Jackie - Poem by CellarDweller 115 (Chuck)
The scattering of Jackie's ashes will follow by the following scatterers, whilst BBMBliss (Sarah) and Elvan lead a rendition of The Maker Makes
Marc
Nick (TriggerHippie)
Chuck
Jari
Wayne
Paula
the Paula will lead all others to spread some rose petals to accompany Jackie on her final international journey...
I hope this fits with everyone....
:-*
Wayne
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For Jackie....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=La_mo0HdR18
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Thanks, Nellie. I hadn't heard this song before.
-
For Jackie....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=La_mo0HdR18
Beautiful, (((Nellie)))...
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For Jackie....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=La_mo0HdR18
Damn, Nellie... you got me crying here...
-
The flowers on the mountain were all Dana's idea, and he carried them up on the mountain by himself, they really stood out against the snow.
I simply carried the bigger cache to replace the smaller one.
While we were atop the mountian, Adam gave a toast to honor both Heath and Jackie.
-
Oh my goodness... that is so beautiful.
She would have LOVED it.
Thank you...
What Marc said...
:'( :'( :'( :) :) :)
What you all have said....... :'( :) :'( :) :'( :)
-
The flowers on the mountain were all Dana's idea, and he carried them up on the mountain by himself, they really stood out against the snow.
I simply carried the bigger cache to replace the smaller one.
While we were atop the mountian, Adam gave a toast to honor both Heath and Jackie.
beautiful...........
-
Quote from: Zudos on June 08, 2008, 05:55:56 AM
Wherever Chucki goes he always has someone beating his bottom!!!!!! Such a slapper
I saw his bottom saturday night, it's just fine >:D
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For Jackie up on Ole Brokenback....................
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi65.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fh236%2Fwyomen%2FIMG_0494_2.jpg%3Ft%3D1212873723&hash=7ed189186755aceae215949d4206968e319ea574)
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With all our love, Nellie and Dana
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(....Dana...I just lost my words...
you know I thank you from the bottom of my heart ,for doing this....
Much love
Nellie...xoxoox
Oh, that is beautiful.
xoxoxo
-
Jackie,
Last November, you got me a jar of Welch's grape jelly so I can make a peanut butter and jelly sandwiches here.
Because of my move in January you said you would send it to my new address, that way I would have one less jar to pack.
I never got to tell you how much I appreciated that you cared to go out and get it for me.
It's okay if the jar never found its way here.
I sometimes wonder if you saw my postcard I mailed out before my move, but that's okay, too.
Those trivial things don't matter any more.
47hours from now we will all be with you once again....
Although I cannot be there, I will be thinking about you.
For Jackie:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cmKtAKlIUM
with much love,
Rei
-
Rei.....this song is one of my favorites by Josh ....thank you so much for sharing it with us...(((((( REI )))))))
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Jackie,
you're with all your friends now. Even those who cannot be there are with you in spirit.
I love you.
-
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Since everyone’s busy today thought I’d come here and quietly leave something as a tribute to Jackie that ya’ll might enjoy too. She enthusiastically participated in sharing musical backgrounds with me, and fully ‘got it’ at the Bay City concert. She had a sweet singing voice and carried pitch well, though typically, she was self-conscious about it. But I heard her sing!
So here’s an excerpt from a piece I like called ‘Tahitian Skies’ that I adapted and played on the 4-string fretless bass.
Jackie, you were always here for everybody, and each of us knew that, and derived comfort when we needed it. Now you are with all of us all the time, just as you wanted. And my life is all the richer for having known you, so…
This is for you, sweetie:
http://onemicrophone.com/mp3/Tahitian-Skies (http://onemicrophone.com/mp3/Tahitian-Skies)
Big love,
lenny
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You are invited to keep a copy for yourselves… if you want…
(…headphones are sweet) ;)
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Very moving piece, Lenny, and masterfully done, as always. Thank you for providing it for download.
I know Jackie must be enjoying it. She dearly loved your music and always 'got it', as you said.
-
Down in South Carolina sitting with my mother, and remembering you, Jackie, on this day.
Big hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
LENNY...:-*
Really feeling the loss of not being with Jackie or talking to her....this really helped though....it brought a smile to my face
Just knowing you all are thinking of her...I'm sure she feels the love...you guys are great! and thanks
Nellie...xo
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the music is perfect Lenny...
Thinking of you today, Jackie.
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))
:-* :-* :-*
-
Well the weekend in Oxford went well and was a great tribute to Jackie. A simple but dignified scattering of her ashes on the river was both poignant and beautiful. It was raining and it was as if the sky was crying harder at significant moments, very touching. I though of her and all the friends I've made here and sad though the moment was it left me smiling.
We scattered rose petals on the river over her ashes and said our goodbyes, and said goodbyes for those of you who couldn't be there, it felt good, a sense of completeness, as if the healing process has really begun and that we can move forward smiling, together.
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Just a moment to offer thanks to Wayne (Zudos) for organizing the ceremony for Jackie. It was well done, and very touching.
Thanks to Marc (AmIEnnis) for his prayer, Jari for his reading, Sarah (Bliss) and Elvan for their version of "The Maker Makes" and especially to Paula for making the journey to be with us, and offer words from her family.
Love to you all!
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What Neil and Chuck said...
And the singing touched me particularly.
All of a sudden, when the petals and ashes had been touching the river water, it stopped raining for some minutes or so. A magical moment.
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Thank you Wayne. It was an honour to be a part of the loving, moving farewell to Jackie.
I miss you Jackie.
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for jackie who shared my love for stairpics
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((((Conny)))) Thank you :-*
((((Jackie)))) Closure...it hurts, but it's good...it's been needed....and it's complete now... :'(
kl'k kl'k, sweethearts
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The ceremony sounds absolutely beautiful. When Jackie's ashes are scattered on Brokenback later this summer, the closure will be complete.
What a lovely woman! And how my wife and I miss her...
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It all sounds like it was a beautiful sendoff for our Jackie, and the break in the rain, very touching..... :).....rest in peace, Jackie, my friend, I miss you still....... :'(.......thanks to all those who organized this ceremony..........
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It rained and then stopped all of a sudden?!?....Oh God, how I know that was meant to be...my heart aches but somehow it just all feels "okay"...it was meant to be and knowing that Paula was there to see that magical moment brings a smile to my face..she needed to be there...*sigh*
I love you guys ...thanks for everything
Nellie...xoxoxoxox
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By request... following are the words I spoke at Jackie's Memorial, 23 June 2008 in Oxford
Prayer for Jackie
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
These words of St Paul in his first letter to the Corinthians to me perfectly describe what our Jackie was like – the epitome of selfless love.
She was like an angel to me, as I think she was to many of us – and now, she has become the real angel I believe she was always meant to be.
Forever on my shoulder, my darling, dearest Jackie.
May the Lord bless you, Jackie, and protect you
May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you
May the Lord show you His favour
And may He give you His peace.
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My piece
Two weeks after Jackie had passed away, a forum friend of mine Rick who some of you know better as A happy man sent me a quote from a silly little movie with Richard Gere and Susan Sarandon called "Shall We Dance?". The quote has haunted me ever since and because Jackie loved movies it seems appropriate to read it here. Originally it was about marriage but I have tinkered a little bit with it because it applies also to friendships and how we saw Jackie. The character played by Susan Sarandon says:
We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet. I mean, what does one life really mean. But in friendship you do care about everything: the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things. All of it, all the time, every day you are saying that your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Because I will be your witness.
We will be the witnesses of your life, Jackie, as you were of ours. I'll be your witness as long as I live.
In book "Beyond Brokeback" Michael Flanagan said: "The reason that there are no reins on this one is that the capacity to love is limitless... that if only Jack and Ennis had had friends their lives could have turned out so much more differently. That's what we're here for, to be the people for each other Jack and Ennis (or Alma and Lureen) didn't have.
Martina send this to be read in this occasion
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Safe journey, Jackie
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I remember the days Jackie would call me just because....
Most days she was in the mood to read certain quotes or things people wrote...I'd sit on the other end of the phone in silence...listening...sometimes I would close my eyes and pretend to be there...or to get myself in the words...lost in the moment...feeling...understanding...
She knew we had this connection and she knew that when she ever felt this way she can always call me and say..."Nellie,can I read something to you,do you have time?"..........of course I always had time for mi hermana...
I just read what Jari and Marc wrote.....I HEARD her voice...I closed my eyes....I felt...I understand......*sigh*
Thank you!!
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Here is my piece from the ceremony:
You were a woman of class, witty and smart
a soft spoken voice, a very big heart
arms always outstretched, for a hug or a touch
our darling Jackie, we love you so much
you shared with us your wisdom, you gave us support
we never realized, your time with us would be short
your pressence was strong, you were with us each day
you were a major role, in our lives, in this play
And although we will miss you, you're not physically around
we take comfort in knowing that you're Heaven bound.
and when we feel tired of dealing with things
you'll be right beside us, to wrap us in your wings
you'll help us feel better, put a smile on our face
and gently remind us that now your everyplace
you'll give us comfort and help us to know
that you are the glint in the freshly fallen snow
you're the stars in the sky, on the ocean, a wave
when we feel lonely, you'll help us feel brave
you watched over us all, the time you were here
and though you crossed over, I know you still hold us dear
watching us with concern, showering us with your love
our darling Jackie, our guardian angel from above
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Thank you all, especially
((((((((((((((Marc))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((Jari)))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((Nellie))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((Martina)))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((Chuck)))))))))))))))
and
((((((((((((((Jackie))))))))))))))))
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Safe journey Jackie
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Sal ;D
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Thank you all, especially
((((((((((((((Marc))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((Jari)))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((Nellie))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((Martina)))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((Chuck)))))))))))))))
and
((((((((((((((Jackie))))))))))))))))
What Fritz said..........
((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))) from me
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Chucky.....it's beautiful....:-*
thank you!
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After looking at all the wonderful and beautiful pictures...I wandered to my front yard where I had planted a rose bush in Jackie's honor...I didn't realize it had bloomed...a bit small for now but non the less, beautiful !!
I love you Jackie...I renamed this rose...."Mi Hermana"
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That is beautiful Nellie, and so fitting for Jackie too.............. :)
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I thought the farewell on Saturday was just beautiful and I was very honoured to be able to take part. The love and affection radiating from our gathering on the riverbank was amazing.
Paula spoke some very touching words, and it struck me again how priviliged we were to be able to say such a personal goodbye to Jackie. A huge thank you to Jackie's family for sharing her with us so graciously.
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A rose from a rose. Gracias, Nildita.
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... and yet, and still - I miss you, darling...
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I love you Jackie...I renamed this rose...."Mi Hermana"
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Maravillosa... gracias, (((Nellie)))
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I thought the farewell on Saturday was just beautiful and I was very honoured to be able to take part. The love and affection radiating from our gathering on the riverbank was amazing.
Paula spoke some very touching words, and it struck me again how priviliged we were to be able to say such a personal goodbye to Jackie. A huge thank you to Jackie's family for sharing her with us so graciously.
I absolutely agree... I was truly an honor to get the chance to take part and contributing in the saying goodbye to Jackie.
Later that day, I showed Paula the pic with Heath and a rose petal (http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28256.msg1338192#msg1338192) that I found on the path, and sweet Paula I am so thankful that I could show it to you.
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Chuckie did you write what you posted here? It's beautiful.
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Hello Jack!
Yes, I wrote that piece. Wayne (Zudos) approached me, and reminded me of how much Jackie loved my poems, and asked if I would be willing to write one for her memorial service.
I was honored.
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Same rose the next day...
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Same rose the next day...
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Wow...
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Not only would she have loved it Chuck, but it's a beautifully constructed poem. You seem to show a growing ease sense of confidence when you write. As if you are more and more comfortable.
Jackie would have like this sooo much. You madeher with something beautiful. I just hope the scattering of her ashes on Brokenback this summer turns out as well as Oxford! Katrina and I have to call Paula, we've been writing each other but not for like 2 months now. She's a lovely woman.
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(((Nellita))), your roses... :'( :-*
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Same rose the next day...
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Wow...
I second that....... beautiful!
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Same rose the next day...
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and blossoming at this time..................
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Nellie, Hi! Been a while.
What's the name of that rose? I can see it has China blood because of the 'red rim' on the leaves, the serrated point and the color of the cane but it could be any one of god knows how many pink roses....
Jackie would have loved it. Seriously, I think she would.
Check your PM's.
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I had but a few conversations with Jackie (that gave me a glimpse of her openness and her capacity for love and sharing). But I didn't know her nearly as well as most of you.
Still I'm sitting at my keyboard with tears down my face at all this.
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LAURA!!!
Call me up. Or Katrina. She says you n her need to get Jack and Mike out of the house.
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Since everyone’s busy today thought I’d come here and quietly leave something as a tribute to Jackie that ya’ll might enjoy too. She enthusiastically participated in sharing musical backgrounds with me, and fully ‘got it’ at the Bay City concert. She had a sweet singing voice and carried pitch well, though typically, she was self-conscious about it. But I heard her sing!
So here’s an excerpt from a piece I like called ‘Tahitian Skies’ that I adapted and played on the 4-string fretless bass.
Jackie, you were always here for everybody, and each of us knew that, and derived comfort when we needed it. Now you are with all of us all the time, just as you wanted. And my life is all the richer for having known you, so…
This is for you, sweetie:
http://onemicrophone.com/mp3/Tahitian-Skies (http://onemicrophone.com/mp3/Tahitian-Skies)
Big love,
lenny
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You are invited to keep a copy for yourselves… if you want…
(…headphones are sweet) ;)
I can see Jackies' eyes disappear into her big smile listening to this.
She would be so proud of your gesture.
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The Eisenhower Executive Office Building and the American Flag, the former OEOB.
Fourth of July!
I would venture to say, that this would be one of Jackie’s favorite holidays, and thus an appropriate day to remember her.
She loved all things Washington, DC, not only its monuments and its symbols or the national celebrations and events; but also its times of sadness and grief, when a whole Nation looks to its center for comfort.
She talked about her visits to the National Gallery, the Corcoran, or The Renwick. She would reminisce, as if it was just yesterday, about this or that play at the Kennedy Center. She loved and remembered her visits to those places and knew how lucky she was to have them so near. During my 17 years in DC, I worked at the OEOB for 10 years and, like Jackie, I was grateful that I knew then how lucky I was to live and work there.
She loved the Fourth of July on the Mall and all its meaning. Like me, we discussed the overwhelming feeling when celebrating Independence Day in the middle of this city in America. It had nothing to do with politics or governments, but with being a citizen of a country, any country, that you cherish. Of course, we laughed when we also remembered the throngs of people that seemed to contain half the nation’s population.
We talked about the unforgettable Concert on the Mall during the afternoon, leading to the grand fireworks display ending with the 1812 Overture in all its glory. The past few years, like me, it is now much easier to watch it on TV as shown on PBS -- A Capitol Fourth!”
And so, even though I’m writing this in the heart of Texas, my heart is in Washington, DC, and thinking of Jackie tonight when I again see those great fireworks.
Jackie, Happy fourth!
gerry
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We are all talking in the Diner, your Diner, and I feel that you ought to be there :-\...
Or are you there, hovering over us?
I'd like to think you are...
:-*
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Marc, Jari, Chuck, Paula and everyone who contributed to Jackie's memorial in Oxford -
Thanks for sharing your words & photos with all of us who wished to be there with you.
All very beautiful and fitting.
Jay
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From the lovely gardens of New College, Oxford, that I visited with Paula - for you
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Six months ago yesterday Heath left us...
Six months ago today Jackie.
Two years and six months ago Friday my father left his family... and me.
Mid March Nick's mother left... not long after that Linda's dad.
Last month my FlatCat after nearly 20 years of warming my lap.
Do rest in peace, all of you...
Gone, but not forgotten. All of you left a bit of yourselves in each one of us.
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Jackie died a day after heath? i didn't know that
i am just sad that i never got to know her but the way you guys talk about her is lovely and im sure i would of loved her to
rest in peace jackie and heath
look after him jackie!!
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From the lovely gardens of New College, Oxford, that I visited with Paula - for you
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So lovely. Poppies are among my favourite flowers
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Gone, but not forgotten. All of you left a bit of yourselves in each one of us.
All of you are part of the life of the universe. In many secret ways we are connected with each of you.
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(((((((Daniela)))))))
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Miss ya Jackie!
Hope you've got a great view from up there!
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What a lovely pic. Such a beautiful smile ((((you two)))) have.
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Linda, Nick, myself and Jackie at Brad's...
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This place isn't the same without your sweet face, Jackie....
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From the lovely gardens of New College, Oxford, that I visited with Paula - for you
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So lovely. Poppies are among my favourite flowers
And mine... poppies and sunflowers...
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Lovely... *sigh*
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Hi Jackie....
I'm always thinking of you....of course you will always be on my mind and in my heart. Some days I may feel a bit silly posting in here...sort of like not wanting to let you go...or of other people who may think something just isn't right about a person who continue to dwell the fact that you're gone....
I know you wouldn't think that though....I can almost hear your voice as you would of said..."Nellie,you do what you want to do...don't worry about what other people think,if it feels right to you..go with it...even if it's your closest friends telling you "......
My boss,Charlie, sent this to me in an e-mail...it's so cute ...I thought of you because you were always the type of person that would take this like I would...you would of sent me something similar...you always shared the simple things in life with me...things that made you happy....I remember the phone calls we had and as we talked you would say..."Oh Nellie,there's deer in my back yard right now,".... in that squeaky voice of yours when you would get so excited....
God,how I miss you so much....I still can't shake this feeling I have inside of having a part of me missing....all these months that passed by and I still have that loss...it's never going to go away I guess,I have to learn to deal with it...only time will heal...
But anyway...here's that little video clip.....
I love you, mi hermana....don't forget me down here
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=yNy9jTeolUk
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Hello friends.
Not long before the trip to Oxford, I received an email from a lady named Sue. I had met Sue once before, at Jackie's apartment building, at the small gathering that her family held for her, back in Feb. Sue was one of the "Les Femmes" that Jackie occasionally mentioned, they would hang out and go to movies together.
She was wondering if I would be so kind as to give her whatever information that I could regarding Jackie's memorial in Oxford. She and the other "Les Femmes" would be unable to travel to Oxford, but missed Jackie and would love to know what we had done for her.
When I got home from UK, I complied an email for them. I copied and pasted the prayers and poems that were read, in the order in which they occured in the ceremony. I included a few pics that were taken before, and gave first names only, and country or state where the people traveled from to be there. I stated that this email was not to be shared, except for going between the "Les Femmes". (I will state that I only included pics of people who have consented to have their image on the forum.....if you don't want your image on this forum, I did not include it in the email.) I also copied the lyrics to "Maker Makes" for them, and let them know that Elevation & Sarah sang it as we scattered the rose petals and ashes.
I received two emails from Sue yesterday.
Chuck;
My sincere apologies for not having responded sooner. In addition to minor travel and being away, I am mostly on the AOL system and had not read my e-mail on this system until this morning. I was prompted to do so after having received a call from Les Femmes! There simply are no words to tell you how much we all appreciate your sharing these precious words and photos. The prayers, poems, photos and remembrances are so personal and meaningful. Jackie spoke frequently and lovingly of her treasured friends whom she collectively and affectionately referred to as "The Brokies!" She adored each of you and shared so many wonderful stories, all filled with loving kindness, that we felt as though we knew you too. In fact, it is fair to say, that we held each of you dear simply because she treasured your friendship...and she chose only the best! We will always be grateful to all of you for providing a safe and meanin gful place for our brilliant Jackie to continue her discovery of life until she came to the River Thames. Although she loved us dearly, she would have wanted to be accompanied on her final journey by exactly those who gathered at the edge of the River Thames where even the reeds seemed to bow in sadness and honor as she floated away amid the roses.
Thank you, Chuck, for sharing and for being there for "our darling Jackie, our guardian angel from above." Please feel free to share my gratitude and the gratitude of Les Femmes with all those who so kindly shared with us in confidence. Hope you will keep in touch. Best Regards, Sue
This is the second email, forwarded to me by Sue, from Helen, another member of "Les Femmes".
Emotionally frazzled. Shedding tears of joy --that our Jackie was loved by people around the world -- tears of sadness that perhaps I never expressed to her what a phenomenal woman she was. Feeling a wake up call to make sure I stay in touch with those I love. The words of all of those gathered were alive and I felt Jackie's presence. There is no explaining how touched I am by this memorial. My deep appreciation for these precious moments to be shared with us.
Love,Helen
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Thanks, ((((Chuckie)))), that was very good to read, especially on a day like today, when I seem to miss her more than ever.
I wasn't aware of the fact that you were in touch with The Ladies, but I am glad that you are.
Please give them my warmest regards.
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isn't it wonderful to hear how many people loved our dear jackie? there are many people out there who can recognize a good heart when they see it.... :)
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Thanks for sharing that with us, Little Brother Chuckie... it moved me to tears...
Big hugs from your big Bro,
Rob
:-* :-* :-*
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Gracias Chuckie...for sharing this with us...really warms the heart! :-*
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Thank you Chuck for sharing that with us all! She was, indeed, a very special person.......
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Chuck thanks so much for sharing those notes with us. Much like Rob, I'm fighting the tears myself.
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Yes, I've just caught up here and the words of Les Femmes have brought tears to me as well.
But I smile because of all that Jackie meant to so many people.
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Miss ya Jackie!
Hope you've got a great view from up there!
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what a lovely photo
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Hi!
for a long time now we have been trying to contact Paula to set a firm date to scatter Jackie's ashes up on Brokenback. It's been sort of difficult. If anyone is in contact with her at [perhaps] another telephone number, could you ask her to call me or Katrina? It's getting very close, and soon there will be snow on the summit; plus there are also a fair number of people wishing to come who need to make flight reservations---they need decent notice so they aren't robbed blind by the airlines, they've saved for this.
Any help would be enormously appreciated.
Jack
PS___ So far as we are able, which is and will be completely inclusive, NOBODY need stay at a hotel here in Denver. We intend to put you all up in our homes; one way or the other we have easy space for about 30 and there are always sleeping bags ;D
But we MUST finalise dates. Any help would be deeply appreciated.
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I don't post here too much these days, but Jackie has been on my mind for some time lately. Almost every year, I take a trip to the Mackinac Island area. I was driving around like I like to do and I called her. Seems like the best time for me to talk on the phone is when I am in the car. I got her machine and left a message... "Just saying hi, call back if you have time"
Several hours later she calls, "whatcha doin?" she asks. I told her, "I am in a horse-drawn carriage driving past the Grand Hotel"
She got very excited and asked if I was on the Island. We talked for a time, about my annual trip here, how much she dreamed of going there.
I just got back from Mackinac last week, while I was there, driving around, I decided to take the opportunity of an elusive cell signal to call home. Right under my phone listing for Home was Jackie's number. I still can't delete it out of my phone list. Its like, as long as its there, she is just a phone call away.
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(((Moreta)))
Keep the number....I'm doing the same and I can vouch that MANY are doing it too....just because.
I remember her talks about this island...*sigh*
Thank you for posting this picture,I have never seen it before...makes it more complete now.
Nellie
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(((Moreta and Nellie)))
One day last December I got a pm from Jackie asking if she could call and would I mind exchanging phone numbers. Her pm arrived within seconds of my reply and her number promptly went into my cell. She said mine had been entered in her special book for forum addresses and phone numbers. Holiday time was upon us and we never got the chance to talk before she became ill. Even though we never did manage to talk, her number still resides in my directory and I can't bear the thought of deleting it......
Sue
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(((Sue)))......*sigh*
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I still have, and will always have, Jackie as a contact on Skype. I look at it every day....
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I still have Jackie's number, too, and if I have to go down the Contact List, I see it every time I'm looking for my sister, Julie.
(My sister's home phone number is programmed to dial with one digit, but I have to look up her Work or Cell numbers.)
I haven't wanted to delete Jackie's number, either, and there's really no reason to now, I guess. We didn't talk much before she got sick, but we did last December and spoke of getting together in January of this year, and it's haunted me to wonder whether she knew by early December that she was so sick.
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We didn't talk much before she got sick, but we did last December and spoke of getting together in January of this year, and it's haunted me to wonder whether she knew by early December that she was so sick.
Don't let things haunt you ,Debbie...Jackie knew .....but she thought she had more time,that's all....at least until after Oxford.
It's nice to know that all of you still have her information ....her cell,her address..her everything....*sigh*
It's just good to know
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There is a definite comfort in still having them.
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Don't let things haunt you ,Debbie...Jackie knew .....but she thought she had more time,that's all....at least until after Oxford.
It's nice to know that all of you still have her information ....her cell,her address..her everything....*sigh*
It's just good to know
Thanks for those words, (((( Nellie ))))
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don't think I'll ever take her number or email off of my phone..
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don't think I'll ever take her number or email off of my phone..
Shit...just yesterday I sent Jackie something by mistake via e-mail.....okay...I LIED...I did it on purpose just because...
And WHY did I have to do that?.....it came back "undeliverable"..what torture.....but after a thought or two...I took it as being a sign that Jackie sent it back......what stupid game am I playing with myself....ah,who cares...it just felt good to press "send"
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I hear that nellie.
and if you hear from paula please ask her to call one of us, we need to set a date, get things moving up in Wyoming before there is snow on the summit again...
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It's nice to know that all of you still have her information ....her cell,her address..her everything....*sigh*
It's just good to know
Jackie was the first member to give me her home address.
I never knew her phone number or e-mail address but we Skyped once briefly sometime late last November.
Her name is still on my contact list on Skype and I remember her voice clearly even today.
Rei
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Dear Jackie,
Please let this storm be not so bad. :-\
Big love,
Lenny
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Dear Jackie,
Please let this storm be not so bad. :-\
Big love,
Lenny
(((((((Lenny)))))))
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I hear that nellie.
and if you hear from paula please ask her to call one of us, we need to set a date, get things moving up in Wyoming before there is snow on the summit again...
Haven't heard from Paula in weeks.... :-\....I'll try getting a hold of her
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Dear Jackie,
Please let this storm be not so bad. :-\
Big love,
Lenny
(((Lenny))) :-*
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I hear that nellie.
and if you hear from paula please ask her to call one of us, we need to set a date, get things moving up in Wyoming before there is snow on the summit again...
Haven't heard from Paula in weeks.... :-\....I'll try getting a hold of her
Thanks Nellie, it would be really appreciated. So far, what's planned is really lovely; Paula and especially Rodney have some very beautiful ideas for jackie but we have to get firm dates. There are many people who want to come and who--let's be blunt here--are on fixed incomes. They've been saving up for it. We need to make firm plans. Wyoming hotels close early and we would be able to get one to stay open, or RE-open for the time. It's not a day trip.
Any help from here would be appreciated. I was starting to think it was january, with the DC boycott of that memorial, all over again.
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don't think I'll ever take her number or email off of my phone..
Shit...just yesterday I sent Jackie something by mistake via e-mail.....okay...I LIED...I did it on purpose just because...
And WHY did I have to do that?.....it came back "undeliverable"..what torture.....but after a thought or two...I took it as being a sign that Jackie sent it back......what stupid game am I playing with myself....ah,who cares...it just felt good to press "send"
Hi, all-I lurked and saw something I could really relate to above:
I still have Jackie's e-mail address on my system, and more than once I've included it in group e-mails, than stopped , remembering...
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Dear Jackie,
Thank you for your protection, and please watch over us again: :-\
http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/graphics_at4.shtml?5day#contents
More big love,
Lenny
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...and thank you, Chuck and Nellie for your kind thoughts...
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....and thank you once again, Jackie, for watching over us. Please help the folks in Galveston and Houston.
Endless big love,
Lenny
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Just wanted to say HELLO....Jackie...if you can toss some "good luck" powder..or stars or whatever you have up there and help my poor Cubbies win the Playoffs!! Good Lord!!....bwahahhahaha ;D...we can sure use some ....
Thanks.....ha ha ha
Tu hermana
Nellie...xo
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Amen to that, Nellie! Go Cubs!
The first hundred years are the hardest.
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Yes, Nellie -- I wished good luck to the Cubs over in the Diner, and was thinking of you.
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Missing you a lot today, Jackie !! :'(
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Missing you a lot today, Jackie !! :'(
Hey Nells swetheart :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
I watched some of the DVD a few days ago, and it was lovely but very sad to see Jackie in action...
The pain is reducing as it should with time, but I still miss her too... Her enveloping love
W
XXXXX
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I still have Jackie's e-mail address on my system, and more than once I've included it in group e-mails, than stopped , remembering...
I still have her email in my system too.
I still have her phone numbers in my cell phone. I can't bear to delete them.
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I still have her email in my system too.
I still have her phone numbers in my cell phone. I can't bear to delete them.
I also have Jackie's email in my system, and still have her phone number as #2 on speed-dial (my sister is #1). Neither can I bear to delete them. I don't think I ever will delete them.
I can't count the number of times I have picked up the cell phone, pressed #2, and then...remembered. So instead of shouting out the news, I simply speak in a normal voice, trusting that she will hear, for she and all my beloved are as close as the next breath.
Miss you so much, Jackie my heart.
Malcolm
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The best thing about Jackie that I find to be one of her greatest talents is listening to her voice and her expressing something or someone as yourselves. She talked about you guys to me all the time....she shared with me all her feelings about what she felt..she told me stories about you all...NEVER telling me secrets that she promised she wouldn't tell...but always going around them and allowing me to get to know you all thru her....your best qualities was ALWAYS shared with me....and THAT is what I missed the most...to hear her excitement...and feel her love she had with you all....that incredible person that she was....her story telling.....*sigh*
Nellie
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The best thing about Jackie that I find to be one of her greatest talents is listening to her voice and her expressing something or someone as yourselves. She talked about you guys to me all the time....she shared with me all her feelings about what she felt..she told me stories about you all...NEVER telling me secrets that she promised she wouldn't tell...but always going around them and allowing me to get to know you all thru her....your best qualities was ALWAYS shared with me....and THAT is what I missed the most...to hear her excitement...and feel her love she had with you all....that incredible person that she was....her story telling.....*sigh*
Nellie
:-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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The best thing about Jackie that I find to be one of her greatest talents is listening to her voice and her expressing something or someone as yourselves. She talked about you guys to me all the time....she shared with me all her feelings about what she felt..she told me stories about you all...NEVER telling me secrets that she promised she wouldn't tell...but always going around them and allowing me to get to know you all thru her....your best qualities was ALWAYS shared with me....and THAT is what I missed the most...to hear her excitement...and feel her love she had with you all....that incredible person that she was....her story telling.....*sigh*
Nellie
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Nellie)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Thinking of you today, darling - you would have loved it :) :-*
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DARLING
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi136.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fq161%2Fmarcuscarolus%2FEstes%2520Park%25202007%2FIMG_0551.jpg&hash=60c1c15a5ff3b7545972d9a7d8f3e964da6bab7a)
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Remembering you on your special day
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Happy Birthday, Jackie.........
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi215.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fcc93%2Fmusical1_photoalbum%2FRosesoftened1.jpg&hash=00c1025b49229e237b7af5fa169969e8b859ff83)
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Happy Birthday,mi hermana !!
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi51.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff376%2Fmcnell1120%2FMiHermana001.jpg&hash=e1fa4697548b1132b906a3444e49d487089c313b)
I Love You
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Jackie sweetie, I did not know it was your birthday today, but as I drove back from Liverpool you were in my thoughts.... Especially when The Maker Makes came on my ipod...
I truly hope you are finding peace and love wherever you are...
You are missed and always will be my darling Hallowed Painted Shoes...
:-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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I can only echo the thought and wishes of the others here. Miss you lady.
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(((((Jackie)))))
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi275.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fjj282%2FSanFranciscoJohn%2Fgolddreamheart.gif&hash=1615f7b6814c1e158dac84774ce239d841cf6053)
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Happy Birthday, Jackie!
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(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( Jackie )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi215.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fcc19%2FJanssonmamma%2Fblommor%2Frose.gif&hash=49f1e2aabe253352a2b2b7ff93ae88ba335e8864)
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Cheers darling... Happy birthday :-*
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HAPPY BOITDAY, JACKIE
DAWLIN HAWT!!!!
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:-* :-* Happy Birthday Darling Jackie :-* :-*
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Dearest Jackie,
I know this is late but I'd like to add my birthday wishes. Like so many others here, I still have you cell phone number on my phone and your email address on my list. Removing them would seem so final. I'm not ready to do that.
I wish I'd known "Believe it or Not" was your favorite song. Great choice! It's definitely one of mine and every time it comes round on my mp3 player, I'll think of you. I can picture us singing our hearts out.
I miss you sister mine.
Love,
Janice
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Just had another memory...
When I flew to the States in 06, and Jackie met me at the airport. Following a visit to meet Fritzie at work we drove to her home...
As we approached Jackie explained that she was gonna drop me out the front rather than the nasty car park at the back, as for my first visit she wanted me to go in the front door...
We drew up to an imposing building, which in fact looked like a Hotel! I exited and walked into the lobby, and it was just like a hotel with a reception etc...
I sat down in one of the generous armchairs, and several minutes later Jackie appeared in the hallway, smiling and beaming as she always did and welcomed me officially to her building...!!!!!! She then proceeded to introduce me to the reception staff as her visitor all the way from England...
The next day when we went to get her car, out the back door and across to the car park I realised the different impact it would have had IF I had entered the building via the back door...
Our Jackie always thought of the small things which with retrospect gave additional pleasure...
Still missing you sweetheart.... :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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That's typically Jackie!
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I was just thinking of the visit we had with her in her apartment last summer, Fritz, and it was such a small thing that came to mind...the water big bottle from which she kept filling our glasses with spring water. She knew that was what some of us would want, and had it handy. Anything to make people comfortable.
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Just had another memory...
When I flew to the States in 06, and Jackie met me at the airport. Following a visit to meet Fritzie at work we drove to her home...
As we approached Jackie explained that she was gonna drop me out the front rather than the nasty car park at the back, as for my first visit she wanted me to go in the front door...
We drew up to an imposing building, which in fact looked like a Hotel! I exited and walked into the lobby, and it was just like a hotel with a reception etc...
I sat down in one of the generous armchairs, and several minutes later Jackie appeared in the hallway, smiling and beaming as she always did and welcomed me officially to her building...!!!!!! She then proceeded to introduce me to the reception staff as her visitor all the way from England...
The next day when we went to get her car, out the back door and across to the car park I realised the different impact it would have had IF I had entered the building via the back door...
Our Jackie always thought of the small things which with retrospect gave additional pleasure...
Still missing you sweetheart.... :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
Such a beautiful memory, Wayne... SO Jackie...
*sigh*
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Hi, sweetie....do you have time to Skype for a few minutes? I need to talk to you about something.
J
I can not quite believe that it is a year to the day, since I got the above PM from Jackie....
This was of course to tell me that she was sick... but of course in true Jackie style, very apologetic as she did not want to cause me any upset, so the first few minutes of our skype conversation was thus...
Death always affects me badly, but time normally starts to heal the wounds...
BUT I am really surprised tht Jackie's untimely death still haunts and affects me so much... I can not believe its almost a year since last I spoke to her...
Jari, Marc and I skyped with her after a curry in Crouch End... This was just before her admittance to hospital... :'( :'( :'(
Jackie really was one of my cornerstones in life, when I was swaying rootless following my exposure to Brokeback Mountain, so I guess I still really miss that cornerstone...
I still have so many PM's etc from Jackie that I can not bear to delete, as it feels like something still in real time that she typed...
She is still in my phone, on my MSN and I still have 'new' showing in my 'Show New Replies to my Posts' in the last incarnation of Jackie's diner...
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
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(((((((((((((( Wayne ))))))))))))))))
You must have been one of the first to know. Maybe that can be some small consolation, knowing that she reached out to you when she was in such need, and thereby at least gave you some warning of what might be to come.
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(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Wayne))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Wayne, I'm sorry you still feel the pain so deeply! (((((((Wayne)))))))
I miss Jackie every day. I'm still not used to not seeing her on the forum.
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Hey guys,
Thanks for comments... And I appreciate the hugs, but I meant all my comments for Jackie, and a testamant to how much she is still missed... :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'(
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I miss Jackie every day. I'm still not used to not seeing her on the forum.
And yeah Chucki... Its the little quirks like, 'Hugs around the diner' etc :'( :'( :'(
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And yeah Chucki... Its the little quirks like, 'Hugs around the diner' etc :'( :'( :'(
There have been times I've gone back to an old thread for something, and I'll come across one of her posts. :(
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A little story from Paula (Jackie's daughter in law), she has agreed I can post here... Its so sweet and lovely...
This will be our first Christmas without Jackie. I've been thinking about her a lot for the last 2 months, even more than usual. Her birthday was in November, then Thanksgiving, now Christmastime. We put an angel at the top of our Christmas tree in her honor; the kids picked her out for Grandma Jackie.
They wrote letters to Santa Claus and asked him if he ever saw angels when he flew in the sky, and if he did, and if he saw a pretty one with glasses named Jackie, to tell her that they love her and miss her. I cried so hard as I read them. I saved the letters, but they both have tear stains all over them now. I'm sure if I put them in the childrens' "saved stuff" boxes, and they read them when they're older, they'll understand.
Thanks for sharing Paula... Love you
:-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'(
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Thank you, Wayne.
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We're all still missing you Jackie...
(((((((Wayne and all of us)))))))
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A little story from Paula (Jackie's daughter in law), she has agreed I can post here... Its so sweet and lovely...
This will be our first Christmas without Jackie. I've been thinking about her a lot for the last 2 months, even more than usual. Her birthday was in November, then Thanksgiving, now Christmastime. We put an angel at the top of our Christmas tree in her honor; the kids picked her out for Grandma Jackie.
They wrote letters to Santa Claus and asked him if he ever saw angels when he flew in the sky, and if he did, and if he saw a pretty one with glasses named Jackie, to tell her that they love her and miss her. I cried so hard as I read them. I saved the letters, but they both have tear stains all over them now. I'm sure if I put them in the childrens' "saved stuff" boxes, and they read them when they're older, they'll understand.
Thanks for sharing Paula... Love you
:-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'(
:-* :-* :-* :-* :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :-* :-* :-*
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Hey Nells...
Always good to see you around these parts :-* :-* :-*
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what a touhing storie,thanks wayne and paula.
last week i was wrinting my christmascards and i always send one to jackie and it felt sad i couldn`t do that this year.
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Jackie really was one of my cornerstones in life, when I was swaying rootless following my exposure to Brokeback Mountain, so I guess I still really miss that cornerstone...
As she was for me :-\...
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Hey Nells...
Always good to see you around these parts :-* :-* :-*
Wayne......you are one very special friend to me...always thinking of others....thank you for that phone call....once again,perfect timing....I needed it..
Love you
Nellie...:-*
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what a touhing storie,thanks wayne and paula.
last week i was wrinting my christmascards and i always send one to jackie and it felt sad i couldn`t do that this year.
send it to Paula...if you need the address...PM me
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Jackie really was one of my cornerstones in life, when I was swaying rootless following my exposure to Brokeback Mountain, so I guess I still really miss that cornerstone...
As she was for me :-\...
((((((((((((( MARC )))))))))))))
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((((((((((((( MARC )))))))))))))
((((Nellie))))...
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Hey Nells...
Always good to see you around these parts :-* :-* :-*
Wayne......you are one very special friend to me...always thinking of others....thank you for that phone call....once again,perfect timing....I needed it..
Love you
Nellie...:-*
Nells, this is definately straight back at ya... You are so so so special too, and Jackie knew that well...
We will always be very close... :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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And Marc and Cons... Always great to see you, and to see you here remembering our cornerstone...
Happy Christmas the Hallowed Painted Shoes :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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And Marc and Cons... Always great to see you, and to see you here remembering our cornerstone...
Happy Christmas the Hallowed Painted Shoes :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
Ms Jiminy forever... truly hallowed now...
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I-MISS-YOU
Damn it
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I-MISS-YOU
Damn it
:-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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Jackie, Jackie, Jackie............ :-*
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(((((Mitch)))))
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Merry Christmas, Jackie, from South Carolina, to you and all of your friends.
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I can not believe its over a year since Jackie's last post :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
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I can't believe it either... :-\
This whole month is starting to replay for me....it's not like I purposely think about it....I guess it's the mind trying to remember and letting go...you think?...I call it torture...I haven't been feeling very well these past few weeks..it's almost as if my body is telling me to slow down,relax,calm the nerves...things will come. Who the hell knows. Thinking about this dreadful month makes me shiver...and at times I keep telling myself that I need to stop. How can some people just say, "Well,Jackie is gone,we loved her and now we must just move on"...and then never bring her up again?...or at least that how I feel.....
I suppose the reason is because some of us are more emotional....some of us have a bit more to work on than others. Some of us have never taken death that well...or some just weren't as close to Jackie as we are....were
As I write this,I feel her presence..how weird is that?....and my mood is already changing. For the better..I have heard that if too many people mourn for a person and can't let go..that the spirit lingers and can't move on themselves...that they suffer too.... :'(
I know the anniversary is coming up...I'm letting go....my sweet hermana is in heaven with her dad and family...she is watching over our loved ones too....my little Ashley now knows who she is and I'm sure that Jackie has told her just how very much her mommy loves her. It warms my heart to know this....as I sit here with tears running down my face,it seems to settle my heart some....even though this time of year has always been a very hard time for me...my daughter's anniversary is next month....it makes me feel better knowing Jackie is up there with her...
I miss you,Jackie....God ,it tears me apart ....but I can't let it get me down,for you wouldn't want it that way....please help me feel less pain as I think of you....please help me to understand why life is the way it is :'(...please help me to understand that God had plans for all this... :'(
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(((Nellie))) Jackie's love for you is, and always will be, never ending.
Remembering her makes us feel so many things - her unconditional love, the enthusiasm she had for life and the pure joy of her smile. Remembering can also make us feel the pain of our loss, the void left behind. And yes, that hurts like hell. But someday we will see her again and that will be the reunion of the ages. 'Til that day, there's a most special Guardian Angel keeping watch.
Much love to you, dear Nilda.
g
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Nellie, sweetheart, everyone grieves in different ways, and none of them are wrong.
As for feeling Jackie's pressence, I don't find that strange at all. There have been plenty of times that I've thought of someone I lost, and I've felt them with me at that time.
As for moving on, we really don't move on, we adapt. When my friend lost her mother, she told her husband that she just wanted things to be normal again. His reply was that they don't get normal again, that she would get used to a new "normal".
That's what you are doing.
Jackie and I spoke on the phone, sometimes twice a week, through PMs much more frequently. I still miss her, and I look at the picture of she and I that Wayne took in NYC each day.
When I was young, I remember watching Little House On The Prarrie. In an episode that featured a death of one of the characters, this was read at her grave:
"Remember me with smiles and laughter, for that's how I'll remember you all. If you can only remember me with tears, then don't remember me at all."
That has always stuck with me, and when I feel sad about someone I've lost, I start to think of anything that we did together where we laughed, and it makes me feel better. And you know what? It keeps their memory alive in your mind and heart.
It's been a number of years since I've lost all my grandparents, but I can still see their faces, and in some cases, imitate them and the way they spoke, and make other family members laugh.
It's only been a year, and Jackie's death came as a shock. We were all hoping for a different outcome. It's not surprising that you are still shell shocked by it. How could you not be?
Please don't be so hard on yourself.
Love ya!
But someday we will see her again and that will be the reunion of the ages.
The biggest Brokie bash ever, on the clouds........;D
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Nellie my darling sweetheart,
I completely understand the way you feel....
How can some people just say, "Well,Jackie is gone,we loved her and now we must just move on"...and then never bring her up again?...or at least that how I feel.....
I hope that even if someone felt this way, they would not articulate as such verbally to someone more open with their emotions- It lacks basic human compassion...
Everyone deals with death in different ways, and some in a matter of fact way, but hopefully not in a critical way to others...!
I still feel the loss deeply - In fact I just said to Sarah on the telephone recently that I am surprised that Jackie's demise still leaves such a gaping hole in my life...
I deal with death very badly, but time usually is the healer for me... Not this time...
I wonder if its because Jackie became a cornerstone for me in times of great need...
I hope you know Nells just how much I love you... You are an amazing person...
Chuck and Glenn, your posts are wonderful too and so comforting...
To me I feel the impending anniversary of Jackie's death weighing heavy on my heart...
Chuck, I am so glad we have the photos of NYC. The morning on the roof of the Gansevoort - What a treasured moment.
And to me the photos the night before of our sweetheart holding aloft a beer shows how far she had developed as a person...
WOW - the year before, she contacted Sarah before my trip to Washington as she was concerned that I was a British beer buffalo!!!!! hahahahaha
All of you I am sending you as many positive thoughts and love that I can at the moment
WXXXXXX
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Chuck, I am so glad we have the photos of NYC. The morning on the roof of the Gansevoort - What a treasured moment.
And to me the photos the night before of our sweetheart holding aloft a beer shows how far she had developed as a person...
;D
Wayne, I've posted about this here before, but I must do so now again.
One of the memories of Jackie that I think of when I'm missing her and feeling blue was in the hotel lobby.
:D :D :D
For those who don't know the story........
Wayne was in NYC, Jackie had reserved a room in one of the hotels. She was very business-like checking in, giving her full name in an serious, adult tone.
However, Wayne and I, excited to see each other and be in NYC, were FAR from adult like. (Imagine that). We were carrying on in the lobby, while Jackie was trying to check in.
Wayne turned to me and said (very quietly) "It's like we're the naughty boys, and she's the mum about scold us." which made us both crack up.
It was at that point that Jackie (who had not heard Wayne's comment) turned to us and sternly said "Gentelmen, Shush! Please!"
Wayne and I looked at each other wide eyed, and left the lobby as quickly as we could, laughing out loud once we got outside.
:D :D :D :D :D
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Nellie, sweetheart, everyone grieves in different ways, and none of them are wrong.
As for feeling Jackie's pressence, I don't find that strange at all. There have been plenty of times that I've thought of someone I lost, and I've felt them with me at that time.
As for moving on, we really don't move on, we adapt. When my friend lost her mother, she told her husband that she just wanted things to be normal again. His reply was that they don't get normal again, that she would get used to a new "normal".
That's what you are doing.
I can relate to this. It's been two years since I lost mom and things change and they become good, strangely even better in some ways, though the memory of pain can always surface unpredictably and hit when we least expect - it is a new "normal" indeed.
I was not as fortunate as many here who met Jackie in person and interacted with her a lot. But somehow the power of her spirit reached me over distance and I don't really feel as if I haven't come face to face with her. We "knew" each other from the start and never really needed to say all that much to communicate intimately. Two years ago she reached out to me, held me up and carried me across my own personal crisis. Now I sense her a lot like a guardian spirit - I've heard her voice only on video but I can hear her talk to me with her radiant smile always, as vividly as if she were in the room.
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Thank you all for such lovely words...you guys know I think of all of you too...it isn't easy for you either, I know.
But it feels good to know that we all care and feel the same...I don't know what I'll ever do w/o you guys.....Jackie always scolded me for always apologizing for being so sentimental or voicing my feelings..I wasn't used to sharing with people...neither was she....and we took turns every so many weeks or so....whether crying on the phone or PMing each other....but we got used to that way of communicating.
You guys are the only one's that know and understand the way I feel....I can't even express myself this way to my husband. And even though he is a very sweet man,he's so detached from me and this "Brokeback 'thing' " he so calls it...he knew I loved Jackie and she was my best friend.....but for him it's all over.......
it's far from over...............I can't throw all this at him ,I suppose it isn't fair
I'm sending all my love and many hugs to all of you also..thank you again....so much
I love you guys
Nellie...xo
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"Why do people have to die?"
"To make life important."
That, I believe, is what our Jackie would want/wants: for each and everyone of us to live our lives to the fullest.
And she would be the first to recognise how difficult that is and how much courage it takes.
She definitely showed this to us during what turned out to be the last two years of her life.
Jackie supported me - and continues to do so - in doing the best that I can.
My Ms Jiminy, always on my shoulder.
She was, is, and will be: Jackie.
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She is still with you, Nellie - if you let her... and feel her warm, loving, comforting presence...
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.....and Jackie knows how to turn an exit into an entrance!
David
I just had to see this picture again.... :-*
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One of my all time favorites, (((((((Nellie)))))))...
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Mine too. Thanks, (((((((((((((Dave))))))))))))))))) for taking it!
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Jackie...I miss you.
terry
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thanks for the picture,Terry...... :-*
I remember how excited Jackie was in meeting you and Brad..(her exact words)....Great memories
N..xo
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.....and Jackie knows how to turn an exit into an entrance!
David
I just had to see this picture again.... :-*
I feel so fortunate that I had the idea, while I was waiting for her, to take some photos of Jackie as she arrived at the top of the escalator. This was the best one. What luck!!
The exit is right on Pennsylvania Ave with good access to The Mall and all the Museums. It is also about half way between The Capitol and The White House so will be a prime area for the parade on Tuesday.
I met a friend for lunch nearby over the holidays and used that exit for the first time since the day of the photo. It was very bittersweet riding up that escalator and thinking of Jackie, and how
much she enjoyed the Museums - Jackie and Terry met for the first time at one of the Museums. Sure she will be at that exit in spirit come this Tuesday.
David
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What wonderful memories that must have brought back for you, David.
And it's so lucky for all of us that you snapped that picture the way you did.
Thanks.
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Terry :-* :-* :-* As the anniversary of Jackie's passing approaches she is in my thoughts ever more...
She LOVED this trip with you... :)
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Always with the best of friends
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And no, "cheers to you, sweet Jackie"
Cheers Jackie sweetheart :-\ :-* :'( :-* :'(
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Hello to All,
This is my first time on the Forum. My name is Paula; you may already know who I am. I am Jackie's daughter-in-law, hence my sing-in name of "JackiesDIL". Unlike my sister, who posted yesterday, I've never been one for brevity, and I'm not the greatest wordsmith. So, I'm hoping that you can set aside a little of your time to read and endure what is to follow. I'm not sure exactly what other people have quoted me on, so some of this may seem redundant, but I wanted you to "hear" it straight from me.
I will probably never be able to express how much you all meant to Jackie. And I know that I could never repay the debt of gratitude I owe to all of you. Over the course of the last couple of years, I saw Jackie come alive. Her smile got broader; her eyes got brighter; her spirit got stronger-- all because of you. You gave her unconditional love and acceptance. All of her life, she'd been caring for other people, putting other people before herself. You finally enabled her to do things for herself. You provided her with an opportunity to get to know herself, really get to know herself. You showed her that she was worth loving. She would beam when she spoke about all of you. I've heard so many stories and so many names. I really feel like you're all part of my family, just that we haven't met in person.
A few months ago, before any of us knew that Jackie was sick, she and I were sitting on our front porch, just talking away. I noted that she looked like she was losing weight. She said that she was, and that her diet must have been working. I told her that she didn't need to lose an ounce; she was perfect just as she was. She told me that she knew I felt that way, but that most of her life she felt "invisible". She went on to explain that the typical reaction to her weight, the one she had become too familiar with, was to be ignored, talked around, and treated like she wasn't even there. My heart broke; I was fighting to hold back my tears. I told her, through my eyes-welling-up, sniffling voice, that she could never be invisible; she is beautiful in so many ways-- inside and out. Again, she told me that she knew I felt that way, but until she met all of you, she didn't believe it to be true. She said that she finally felt like she was gorgeous, and that she felt strong, and brave, and that she'd finally become the woman she'd wanted to be. She said that all of you gave her the encouragement to be herself, and by your acceptance, she came to believe that she was beautiful and gorgeous and worthwhile.
You are the best friends she's ever had. You gave her good times, good memories, and good feelings. You made her heart smile. You made the last years of her life, the best of her life. You gave her a peaceful death. She was loving, and she was loved, finally, in the way that she should've always been.
When she first starting coming into the Forum, I was thrilled. I was so happy that she was connecting, really connecting with people. She would go on and on about all of you, about your interests and histories. She loved getting to know all of you. I loved that she was making friends. During the time she took off work, Jackie's attention and time were definitely being split between her Forum friends and her family. It wasn't that she was depriving us. If ever we truly needed her, she would've dropped everything to help (even if her hair were on fire, and both of her legs were chopped off!). We were so accustomed to her not having a social life to work around, that we didn't know how to react. So, I talked about it with my husband, and we decided that we could look at it 2 ways: 1) That we should be upset, because Mom's got a social life now, and we might not be able to dump the kids on her for our "date night", OR 2) We should be happy, because Mom's got a social life now, and she's got friends. She's finally getting out and about, traveling, enjoying her life, and making her dreams come true. We chose to look at things with the latter attitude. And, that is why I reiterate what I said in the beginning of this post-- I owe you all a debt I can never repay. You enveloped someone so dear to me with your kindness and your love. Before she met all of you, she was living her life, going through the motions, not really living up to who she could be. After she met you, she became that woman; she blossomed. You see, you never took her FROM us at all. As it turned out, you gave her TO us.
I'm sure that Nellie has already let you know about our open doors. If you are able to attend the gathering on Saturday, Jan. 26th from 1-5pm, we would love to meet you. It is set to be at Jackie's apt. (I'm sure Joanne posted the address), but if the attendance is going to be large, then we will book a bigger place. If you need a place to stay, you're welcome to stay at our home with us. I know people usually extend these types of invitations in an empty way, kind of like how someone might say, "How ya doin'?" without ever really wanting to hear your actual response. This isn't one of those invitations. Really, we'd be honored to host you, and very fortunate to get to know you in person. There is no limit; the Fire Marshall isn't going to say that we're "beyond capacity". The more, the merrier, just like one big slumber party-- just the way Jackie would have wanted it. I've put Nellie in charge of getting a "head count" for both the "gathering" (for lack of a better term), and for the "sleepover". Please let her know asap if you're coming to either/both, so that we can make arrangements for things to be comfortable and suitable for everyone.
If you're not able to attend, we understand. We know that Jackie is in your hearts. We know that we're in your thoughts and prayers. We also understand that, in the real world, people can't always drop everything to fly across the world, country, state. Airfare's not free; bosses aren't always understanding with time off; children can't be shuffled off to 24-7 daycare; obligations still have to be met. Whether you're here or not, we know that you care, and Jackie does too. No matter what time of the year, whether it be this weekend, or October of 2012, our doors are open to you. Like I wrote earlier, I think of you all as part of my family that I know, I just never met in person. I know Nellie already told you that we know that Jackie would want her ashes to be on Brokeback Mountain. I know that there's been debate over which mountain? When to do it?, etc... Honestly, we figured that we'd ask for you, collectively, to decide which mountain- the movie mountain, or the one in Wyoming. We also know that she wanted so desperately to go to London in June. Nellie said that there is already a plan for some of the group to go to the mountain in late spring/early summer. Since the mountain is surely iced and snowed in right now, and since there's no "expiration date" on Jackie's ashes, I'm sure that she would be thrilled to be there when the already-scheduled trip is to take place. But, she would've been torn over which place to go-- the Mountain or London?? Well, she can go to both. We can have half of the ashes go to the Mountain, and the other half go to London. That way, she won't have to decide, and sacrifice one to attain the other. She can finally be two places at one time. Also, two separate groups of friends (and maybe some doubling-up) can be with her, and have a services for her, without having to travel to the other side of the globe to do so.
Well, I could go on and on, and on... I warned you about my lack of brevity; didn't I? I really do have to get to sleep. I haven't been getting much for the last week, and I don't think that I'll have too much of an opportunity to get much soon. I'd better take advantage of it, while both the kids are still in bed.
Hey, I just thought of something... Did I ever tell you how much you meant to Jackie?
Thank you all, and I hope that I will get to meet you all someday. I'm a virtual hug-machine! Good night to all-- Paula ;-)
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Terry :-* :-* :-* As the anniversary of Jackie's passing approaches she is in my thoughts ever more...
She LOVED this trip with you... :)
OMG...I remember this......she called me up right away and talked and talked like a chicken with her head cut off...lol....I was so happy for her and envious at the same time....but how she talked and described made me feel like I was with her....that's just how she was...she wanted to share the good things with people, wanted to experience thru her.....no matter how big or small
*sigh*
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Wayne, than you for bringing up Paula's post....you 're a doll :-*
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One for you Nellie
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Sal ;D
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Terry :-* :-* :-* As the anniversary of Jackie's passing approaches she is in my thoughts ever more...
She LOVED this trip with you... :)
Yes, yes she did. It's one she loved sharing with me....and I loved hearing. Thanks for the pic., Wayne.
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Great memories in Bay City
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I remember this one shot I took....Jackie scolded me in her sweet way and told me to leave Mitchie alone because he was hung over......then we both laughed!!.....*sigh*....God I miss her laugh
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one of my favorite pictures!!
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Jackie, a little tipsy......but talented, because she could knot a cherry stem with her tongue....remember that,guys?....lol
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SEE?
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another favorite of mine
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Thanks, Nellie, wonderful memories!
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Very nice memories indeed. I think back fondly of that weekend.....thanks for the pics Nell. I need to print out that one of her and I to frame. Doesn't seem like it was nearly two years ago we were there.
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Texas 2006
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This was a great memory for me....especially this very moment....I had just flew in and Wayne picked me up from my hotel room...went straight to the restaurant where I met a few of my very first "Brokies"....this was their look on their faces....I felt as if I've known them forever....and Jackie's sweet smile
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Glenn took this one...:-*
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I think Jackie would have loved the grandeur and pageantry yesterday in her home town. Couldn't help thinking of her as the television views of The Mall were shown. Seeing the art museum where we met for the first time made me grin.
terry
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Jackie and me at Brad's place in southern Washington State in May of 2006.
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Nick and Linda were there, too...
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In Chicago...
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Thanks so much for all these pictures, Nellie, Rob, everyone....
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In Loving Memory...
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Go Rest High on That Mountain
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Amen, Glenn.
mod: just clicked the image. Thank you so much, Glenn.
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Wonderful memories in that video, Glenn.
Thanks for that...
:-*
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Great memories in that video, Glenn. :'( :-*
Thanks.
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Friends, you are invited to view the music video "Brokeback Bound: Ballad for Heath and Jackie" at
http://www.veoh.com/videos/v17292024NPmp4QDX (http://www.veoh.com/videos/v17292024NPmp4QDX)
Best regards, Front-Ranger
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Texas 2006
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thanks nells :-*
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glenn thank you that is beautiful!
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Oh my....that was really beautiful Glenn. Thanks.
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thank you for the pics, i never knew Jackie but i wish i did
thinking of all her friends today :-*
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This was Jackie's favorite post
I believe that in life we can get disconnected from our life stories in a same way. Intense experiences, betrayals, disappointments, lost loves and emotions they wake in us, are so painful that we cannot face them. We rationalize them. We give them interpretations and meanings but most importantly we insulate ourselves from our emotions. Especially for many gays this is familiar: we learn very early to hide our yearning and love, downplay our identity and hide our disappointments and losses. Because we often do not share these experiences we develop a personal language of loss, language that is sometimes very hard for others to understand.
We seek connection and sharing but because we are disconnected from our own feelings and our emotional history, these connections often fail us: we do not have same language.
Brokeback Mountain has done something very seldom a movie can, It has provided us all a frame of reference to reflect our pain, sorrow, joy, love, hopes and aspirations. It gave us all a mirror to look at ourselves. It gave us a story that we could emotionally attach and this forum provided a place where to share our feelings.
Brokeback provided us with language of loss that we all could understand. Brokeback hit us directly into heart and ripped our protective layers to shreds. It left us vulnerable and raw but also alive. Brokeback cannot provide meaning and purpose to our lives but it has exposed the need, shown to us that we may have lost our direction and we need to reclaim it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfyMsGz6WLU (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfyMsGz6WLU)
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Thinking of Jackie and her family today.
Rest well sweetheart
Sal :-*
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...still lovin' you, Jackie, and you're still in my phonebook...
I thought of Jackie, too, viewing the pictures of the Mall a few days ago. She was my tour guide when I was there.
:-*
Lenny
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I've been thinking a lot of you, Jackie. I hope you won't mind if I share this e-mail of yours with our friends here. I just want to show them once more how unselfish and caring and wonderful you were, even if those who had the privilege to meet you - in person or virtually - know it already very well. You sent me this when you happened to know that I was helping my 36 y.o. best friend during his battle against cancer. I hope the two of you have met somehow up there.
I miss you both immensely.
Catia
August 3, 2007
Catia, darling,
Because you ask, I promise not to worry...too much. I worked for 19 years with patients dying from cancer, so I understand all that you say, and maybe more. But, I still am concerned for you, as a friend and sister, and always will be.
I am so thrilled that you will be spending time with Wayne, and Martina and Flo. I was so tempted to try and go, but with now being full-time at my job, it is not realistic. Brad asked me to join him when Conny visits, too, and I had to decline. Ah, well. Maybe I will win the lottery...though if I did, after taking care of my family, my first priority would be to get Rob to England, for good! *sigh* wishing and hoping.....
Take care of yourself, darling sister,
I love you.
Jackie
I love you too, Jackie.
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Thanks Catia.
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Thinking of Jackie, the family and closest friends today.
With love.
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You were a woman of class, witty and smart
a soft spoken voice, a very big heart
arms always outstretched, for a hug or a touch
our darling Jackie, we love you so much
you shared with us your wisdom, you gave us support
we never realized, your time with us would be short
your pressence was strong, you were with us each day
you were a major role, in our lives, in this play
And although we will miss you, you're not physically around
we take comfort in knowing that you're Heaven bound.
and when we feel tired of dealing with things
you'll be right beside us, to wrap us in your wings
you'll help us feel better, put a smile on our face
and gently remind us that now your everyplace
you'll give us comfort and help us to know
that you are the glint in the freshly fallen snow
you're the stars in the sky, on the ocean, a wave
when we feel lonely, you'll help us feel brave
you watched over us all, the time you were here
and though you crossed over, I know you still hold us dear
watching us with concern, showering us with your love
our darling Jackie, our guardian angel from above
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Good morning.
To light a candle for Jackie, choose any unlit candle at Gratefulness.org ~ Paint (http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=Paint).
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Thinking of you, Jackie.
And of all of her friends.
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Lovely tributes, Glenn and Chuck.
I miss her.
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All week I planned on writing down some feelings,thoughts,memories about you,Jackie....but now I sit here,feeling empty. I can't always force myself to think about my feelings....some days as I wash dishes my mind always wanders,you would for some reason, call me every time I was doing the dishes....the conversation would always start..."Hi honey,are you busy?".....and I would say...."Girl,please...I'm washing the dishes as usual,when will I ever get a fucken dishwasher?"....LOL.....she would giggle and sometimes say..."Well,when I win the lotto,I'll buy you one".......*sigh*
We had a little game,as I call it now, that every time we had a thought we would share it together....I'm sure she did this with some of you....she always felt that her ideas were silly or that no one would care or understand ...she needed to know that she was making the exact point as she felt it in her heart....Oh Jackie,how silly you were to feel that even after all this time,you still just had to make sure...she often told me..."Nellie,I just need to know that's all...I know you're very honest with me..."......in my own words...I keep it "real"
For most part of this year,I kept myself extra busy so that I didn't "feel"...my old ways of protecting myself so that I don't hurt....but hurt comes in many forms,doesn't it....no matter how we go about in mourning someone,it always sneaks in now and then...for no reasons at all you start to think and then you taste your own tears and wonder..."holy shit,I'm crying"....wipe away those tears and look up...say hello to Jackie and move on with your life....the other day as I was leaving for work....it was 5:00 am...still dark out...I heard a noise....freaked me out as I thought it was a skunk or deer....but it was a plastic bag.....the "dancing bag"...I thought of Paula and wondered just how they must be feeling ..especially today.
Mi hermana came to me for a reason....she taught me so much....and some of the things she's done,her actions ,her words, are still teaching me today....because when a person leaves you....no matter what you say that you will NEVER take a person for granted and cherish every moment....there's ALWAYS going to be that little bit of something that you won't realize until they are gone.....if I had known I only had 2 years with her.....*sigh*
My friends, God has plans for us.....why is it that some live to be 2 years old.....50.....or 100?....we are here for a reason,a season,a life time....every person that comes into my life, I cherish....I can't allow myself to say..."When I have more time"....I'm talking about the people I have connected with. You can't possibly give all the attention to every single soul,even though some days I want to...but Jackie tried. She was a saint in her own little ways.....she had her own personal life of course....but she always thought about us. Her "Forum" family. Her goal in her life was to open her heart and pull out as much as she could...she didn't even know she had that in her...that's what makes it all more special....what came out of her mouth was her "heart".
And I have to say one thing....Jackie wasn't "perfect".....she'd call me and say "Oooh Nellie,I'm so mad right now"....or my favorite words she learned from me..."I just want to slap the shit out of her"....hahahahhah....out of many words...she even said a couple spanish words ....LOL....when she felt she wasn't fair or being mean...she wanted to make it "right"...some days I'd yell at her and say..."Leave it alone"...it is what it is....sometimes people need to hear it"...we need to allow ourselves to be stern...it isn't mean....she would never hurt anyone intentionally...but when she was mad....Look out!! bwahahha ;D
Oh Jackie,I miss you so much....I used to think that my pain was so great when my best friend died when we were 19....but as an adult and knowing more....it's an emptiness like no other...I know people will still come and go in my life,Jackie...but Goddamn it, we were supposed to have grown old together....like we planned and talked about...my kids were suppose to have met you....when you passed, my daughter drew you a picture and taped it on the wall. When I saw it,I melted....but you knew....you didn't meet her but you worked thru her...I'm so glad I handed the phone to her so that you can talk...I'm so glad to see her smile on her face as you giggled with her , asking her God knows what...probably to be nice to her brother...ha ha ha...
I want to say so much more about you,Jackie....a year ago today...we were in shock...losing you and Heath....knowing that you Loved Heath so much...his movies...how bazaar it happened the way it did. Thinking back now after these 12 months have passed us so quickly....we must smile....the tears I shed now are for my own sake I guess, for I shouldn't cry to mourn you.....but to remember that God had plans for you...you are in a better place...and you have a job to do...to take care of your family and friends...for you see Jackie?...God was teaching you...training you thru us in this Forum....you were in training to be a "guardian angel"
I love you so much....your strength has become my strength...I will continue to learn from you...I will try to live my life to the fullest,just as you tried these last 2 years...
your hermana
Nellie...xo
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Loving Jackie
every minute of every day
Missing Jackie
every minute of every day
Knowing Jackie
is as near as my next breath
Rest in peace, my true angel
Malcolm
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Rest in peace Jackie.
I treasure the memories of our talks at Estes Park and our PMs.
John :-* :-*
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Jackie, I find myself thinking about our trip to the Brandywine River Museum two springs ago. I'm realizing now that I had you all to myself that day, and cherish the memory even more when I realize that. We were hoping to make more trips like that, such as to the Delaware Art Museum which we were planning to do last spring. We thought we'd have many more excursions, but fate intervened. Such is life. But thank you for the time we had together, (((((((((((((((Jackie))))))))))))))))).
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Glenn thank you for that wonderful video. I sent a link to Paulal and Mark... :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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Keep smiling, dear Jackie. ;)
terry
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Just wanted to post what she sent me the last Thanksgiving when she was alive:
Dear Tom,
One of the customs for me at Thanksgiving time, is to assess the wonderful gifts for which I am grateful. Sharing delicious time in Colorado, getting to know you, a little so far, has been one of my sweetest gifts. To the future!
Many hugs,
Jackie
Miss you girl!!! :'( :'(
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Dear Jackie,
I really wanted to talk to you this evening, and this was the best place to find you...
You know, I have to say sorry first... I thought of you last night and wanted to say hi to you here, but could not get on the site from my hotel room in Cardiff. So this morning and then afternoon were filled with work, and meetings. You know what its like.
And then when I was driving home, I spoke to Sarah who said she was just going to call me. No doubt to see how I was doing today, and you know what... I was full of work stories. It had consumed me. When I got home and relaxed my mind, I immediately thought of you and burst into tears, as I am now... I am sorry Hallowed that I let my mind be consumed with work today, when my thoughts should have been with you... Now they are :-* :-* :-* :-* :'( :'( :'(
You always understood in that selfless way. I would be out of the loop for weeks and then would get a wonderful message from you...
This year has been tough without you. I never knew how much you impacted upon me, and I hope that you knew how much I loved you, and even if I did not express the impact you had, I hope it was clear and that you intuitively felt it...
You will be glad to know that all the really great friendships are still intact. .. I spoke to Jari earlier in the week, and we are going to have a chat again this weekend to check that each other is OK. You know he recently moved and found some of the gifts you sent him, including the crayons when he was ill, and we laughed so much... Marc is having a tough time at the moment, and I know that you are with him, and I keep in contact with him. He is being so strong in difficult times, you would be so proud of him. All the other Euros seem fine, Catia and Martina, and I am hoping to see them both again this year.
Nells is having a tough time today as well, and I promise I will call her soon to check up with her and have a laugh... You know I told you so much about saying goodbye to Nellie in Texas, which was so hard, and I wish she were just round the corner so I could go and hug her right now...
And you know since you disappeared, you would laugh so much... Paula and I have become such great friends. WOW she sure is your daughter... So many of your qualities, although a little bit naughtier than you!!!!lol
I also promise to give Melissa a call really soon... We keep in touch via FaceBook... She has so much love to give and so unconditionally... You sure saw all her qualities. You were her mama...
I am so glad you got to share Oxford with us, and hear the odes to you, and also the wonderful rendition of The Maker Makes by Sarah and Vicky.
And you know Jackie, as I despaired before I wrote to you, I got a PM from a really old and loved friend, whom I know you loved also, it gave me the courage to put my pen to paper and write to you...
My darling, missed, forever more, hallowed painted shoes...
Love you.
W
XXXXX
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Thank you for the beautiful video, Glenn.
Thinking of Jackie and her families today.
Rest in Peace dear Jackie.
I miss you.
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Jackie, I had to come back here for a certain milestone.
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In Chicago...
Simpy beautiful Nellie...
Some great pictures of Jackie and some of her closest friends... :-*
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Dear Jackie, thinking of you today is bittersweet because remembering you always puts a smile on my face. I am very thankful that I got to meet you and become your friend. But we had to let you go.... "RATS!!" :'( :'( :-* :-* :'( :'( :'( :-* :-* :'( :'(
All my thoughts to your family as well.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCKIURLj29o
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In a desparate panc to find some of Jackie's words, I checked my email sent items (previously forgot to check there), and I found some emails from Jackie, to which I had responded...
This is Jackie, encouraging me to share my story in the affected me thread...!
Wayne, darling, first and foremost: your words are absolutely lovely. Honest, open, and alive with emotion. I am proud to have been a small part in your allowing your true self to emerge. Thank you for sharing this with me...I am deeply honored. And more than ever, I am proud to call you my friend.
I can certainly understand your reluctance to post this on the Forum, because it is very revealing, but you might think about how this could help someone else...if you ever change your mind...and I am NOT telling you to do so. That is strictly up to you. You are a really good writer, by the way.
As for the party, it was wonderful....Kim IS a delight. I really enjoy her a lot. We had a couple of surprise guests. Deb (dejavu) drove down from Philly to surprise the other surprise guest, Chuckalicious, who came down to surprise Kim. It was great fun. Also there were Fritz and David. I will be putting pics up soon. I'll be that Fritz has beat me to it, though. lol
Much love to you, dear friend. Thank you for trusting me with your story. I am grateful.
Hugs,
Jackie
Darling, I am so proud of you that I could bust! I know how much it took for you to post in the Affected Me thread. I am proud to call you friend, Wayne.
As for Sarah, how did she get to be so amazingly wonderful? She is such a good friend to both you and El...marvelous woman.
I would love to Skype with you soon, just to talk....I miss you so much..well, you know the rest....
Now, I have to get ready for work,dammit...just as you are going home....
Have a good evening, darling...
Hugs,
Jackie
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Thanks for posting that, Wayne.
It brings back all the memories of the "surprises" in Jackie's apartment that she was talking about, and it's so good to hear her in her own words.
:-*
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Jaclyn... - we're the lucky ones, to have been graced by knowing you... Miss you baby.
Mitchell
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I sent a link to Paula and Mark... :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
Thanks, (((Wayne))) I'd like to visit with Paula, but haven't a clue what to say. :-\ :'(
xoxo
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I didn't know Jackie half as well as I would have liked, but as soon as I met her in person she gave me Ennis' coat and hat to try on. She took care of me when I was tired and upset and she hugged me when we said goodbye. She wrote to me at Thanksgiving too. I will never forget her smile, her warmth, her caring and her painted shoes. :) She seemed to always be there to welcome folks to the forums, and she was always generous with her time and interest. I miss her very much. I like to picture her entering the afterlife, being greeted by Heath with a big hug and saying "What are you doing here?" Being Jackie, she wouldn't scold him--just try to comfort him about leaving Matilda so early and seeing his family and friends in so much pain and grief. And she would look at us and show him how much he was loved by people who never saw him in life but were broken open and often transformed by one great performance.
If there's a Heaven, Jackie's soul will be there, shining like the sun and pouring out love. We didn't know each other long, but "We was good friends." Someday perhaps I'll meet her on the Mountain.
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More wonderful memories, Jenny. Thank you, you've said that so well.
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Hi guys.... it's been a while.
Wayne already mentioned Jackie's gifts... summer 2007 I was in convalescence after surgery and Jackie sent me a huge package with coloring books, crayons, a fan, a kit for making soap bubbles and many items to keep me occupied. I moved to a new house late November and during the packing I found all those objects she sent to me, one by one... it felt as if she was greeting me and reassuring me once again that this stressful time will pass.
Those small items are like her love and friendship: practical, no-nonsense, humorous, loving and caring. I miss her.
She also sent me a book of poetry, English classics, Shakespeare, Wordsworth, Keats and such... I would love to repay that debt by giving her back one of my favorite poems called Wild Geese by Mary Oliver.
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
During short time I had the privilege to enjoy her friendship, little less than two years, she made lasting impact in my life. I do believe that every man, every human being we encounter leaves a mark in our soul. Some leave a memory of caress, some leave a bruise but some, like Jackie leave a lasting memory of being loved, befriended, understood, cared for.
Losing Jackie also reminds me about the fact that life is short, life is frail, life is now. Life is not s dress rehearsal, you don't get to do today over again.
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during the packing I found all those objects she sent to me, one by one... it felt as if she was greeting me and reassuring me once again that this stressful time will pass.
(((((Jari))))) it's so good to meet you. It's been ages.
In a similar way, some months after she'd passed I was sorting out some important papers and I was fretting at not finding one. Right then her beautiful card to me fell straight into my lap from that set. I'd kept it very very safe and it turned up like a reassurance. It felt like she was right beside me. And soon enough I found the missing item I was looking for.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
Thank you for posting the poem.
During short time I had the privilege to enjoy her friendship, little less than two years, she made lasting impact in my life. I do believe that every man, every human being we encounter leaves a mark in our soul. Some leave a memory of caress, some leave a bruise but some, like Jackie leave a lasting memory of being loved, befriended, understood, cared for.
Jackie is indeed one of those treasures that's forever. This thread makes us feel we're around her.
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Kiitos, (((((((((((((((Jari)))))))))))))))))))))
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(((((((((((((((((((Jari))))))))))))))))))))))
Really good to hear from you!
David
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Jari....it's great to see you again. Very nice words you added here. Hope you are well.
Mitch
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some people will stay forever in my phone book, my mailbox, my cellphone list. because they're never really gone.
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some people will stay forever in my phone book, my mailbox, my cellphone list. because they're never really gone.
What she said...
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Jackie.....you made me smile today....don't know why and I won't ask you how.....but you did...thank you!
I feel very happy today because of your thoughts running thru my loca head !!
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awww!
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Hey Jax,
I was thinking of you today whilst driving back from Manchester.. One of our songs came on my ipod
:-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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Jackie...I saw the moon light up my room this early AM while getting ready for work...I instantly thought of you.
You're my shining star,amiga
Love you
Nellie..xo
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Nellie: Thanx! for reminding me of Jackie...while she was going through her hell, she never let on, while I was going through my hell and calling her after work and bothering her while she was trying to rest. Sometimes I miss that a lot.
Speaking of the moon...DAMN! was it spectacular last night or wut!?!
Bobby
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Are you still sitting on my shoulder, dearest?
Of course you are.
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Hey Jackie, shed a tear or 2 on Friday evening... Listening to my ipod and 'The Maker Makes' came on... It reminded me of you and in particular Sarah and Vicky's wonderful rendition as you floated along the river...
Miss you heaps darling :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'(
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I too miss sweet Jackie. Yeah, Martina, I can't delete her name/phone listing from my book. And Wayne, the Maker makes, and bless that Maker for a gift the likes of Jackie.
Brad
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i guess she will be in my phone book forever. it kind of gives comfort when it seems that i could just call her...
and now, there is another adress that i will keep: Rance.
Jackie & Rance, i hope you two have fun together up there... ;)
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i guess she will be in my phone book forever. it kind of gives comfort when it seems that i could just call her...
and now, there is another adress that i will keep: Rance.
Jackie & Rance, i hope you two have fun together up there... ;)
That's the first thing I thought of as part of my comfort is to know that they will talk a blue streak up there now....all of Rance's stories...oh how Jackie is going to love them....*sigh*
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Missing you today!!
Your rose bush is growing,the signs of new growth makes me keep the hope of a better year!!
your hermana,
Nellie...xo
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Dear Jackie,
I won't make this a long post, but I am thinking of you today.
Today new life has come to us, as Happy Gres has announced the birth of her daughter.
We are celebrating new life in the Diner.
At the same time, this post is going to bring me up to 26,334 posts...the same number that you have.
So I want to stop and remember you, talk to you, let you know how alive your spirit is here. I think you are a good angel looking over all of us, helping Happy's baby to be born, watching us through our bad times and celebrating with us during our good times.
That's all I have words for now, but I am thinking of you.
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Debbie....I just want to hug you(((((((((((((((( DEBBIE)))))))))))))))) you brought me to tears...how sweet and thoughtful of you :-*
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((((((((((((((((((((Nellie)))))))))))))))))))
Big hugs back. :-*
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Hi Jackie,
I can not visit the forum and not think of you... You would not believe how much I still think of you... We are heading towards the anniversary of your Summer Solstice...
Look at you with all your anniversaries! You are quite like the Queen ;D
W
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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JACKIE!!!....look how beautiful your rose bush is getting....I smile every time I see it...which is several times a day :D
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Nellie :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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Well its a year today sweet Jackie that we had your memorial in Oxford... You are still sorely missed...
The forum has not been the same since you departed...
Your memory lives on in my heart... I am going to spend some time with Paula and Mark soon, and am going to re-visit Solomons Island where you introduced me to Maryland Crab cakes, and we shared some Key Lime Pie!
Bless you sweet and wonderful soul....
Lots and lots of Love
Wayne :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :'(
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ॐ मणि पद्मे हूँ
Om mani padme hum
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Just started to update my address book, found Jackie's address and numbers, brought back loads of memories and a lump to my throat!
Sal ;D
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Jackie, you're never far from my thought and you're missed very much. Lot's of changes coming soon for Mitch and me, which I'm sure would have you flashing that sweet, sweet smile of yours.
Love you. Still. :-*
terry
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Sweet guy, you know she's giving you a big hug and wishing you a happy day today.
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Jackie knows ALL ABOUT you two....and your changes....I've told her....and yes,she is smiling that sweet smile of hers....just look at Mitchie's avatar picture...that's how she feels..
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Jackie, you're never far from my thought and you're missed very much. Lot's of changes coming soon for Mitch and me, which I'm sure would have you flashing that sweet, sweet smile of yours.
Love you. Still. :-*
terry
You know it Terry :-* :) ;)
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What Nellie and Wayne said.
She loved the two of you madly, and was over the moon the two of you were getting together - I know that for a fact.
Be happy...
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Dear Jaclyn -I know for certain we would have been calling each other tonight & I'm quite certain how the conversation would have went. I can hear your voice, giddy with happiness for Terry and I as we begin the next chapter of our journey. Thank you for watching out for us. You will always be a blessing.
Miss you madly,
Love,
Mitchell
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Hi Jackie,
Just wanted to share with you that I just spent a wonderful 2 weeks with your family...
They are all starting to grow up...
Here is Paula with the kids... Can you believe how much Laney is starting to look like you...!
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OMG!! she sure is!! :'(
They're beautiful
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Oh Jackie,
I was at the Kennedy Center last week and The Royal Ballet from London was performing. I know you would not want to miss this opportunity( I would have talked your ear off about it).
So I got us a seat right down front, 3rd or 4th row center on the isle for opening night. It was so exciting and at the end of the triple bill the entire audience rose for a great standing ovation.
Only a couple times recently have exited the Metro at the stop where that wonderful photo was taken at the top of the metro escalator, arms outstretched (Here I am!!!).
But each and every time I stand there thinking of you. It's like a shrine(such memories).
Love always,
David
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I just wanted to stop by and thank you, Jackie.
So there.
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Here is Paula with the kids... Can you believe how much Laney is starting to look like you...!
omg...and how she does!! it's jackie's smile!! i knew she would leave it here for the world to enjoy... ;)
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Here is Paula with the kids... Can you believe how much Laney is starting to look like you...!
omg...and how she does!! it's jackie's smile!! i knew she would leave it here for the world to enjoy... ;)
Hi Martina,
So nice to hear from you! :D
And you are so right, what a beautiful smile left here for the world to enjoy! :D :D :D
David
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Dear Jackie,
It is complete...we are together. Of course, you knew that already. :-* :-*
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Dear Jackie,
It is complete...we are together. Of course, you knew that already. :-* :-*
Congratulations, guys.
Somebody up there likes you...
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Yes, indeed!!
Congratulations, Mitch and Terry!!
David
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Awww...Mitchie....you guys look great!!....Jackie is jumping up and down ,you know....maybe she'll bring down some rain to cool you Okies off some.....ahem... ;)
Much happiness to you both.... :-*
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I have to look when I get home later on.............but yeah, Jackie is very happy right now, you know it. It's not toooo bad temp-wise today, below a 100 anyway, so all is well............... ;D ;D ;D
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Dear Jackie,
It is complete...we are together. Of course, you knew that already. :-* :-*
((((((((((Mitch and Terry)))))))))
I know Jackie is smiling right now, and so very happy for you!
Wishing you much happiness and many wonderful years together,
Sue
:-* :-* :-* :-*
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Dear Jackie,
It is complete...we are together. Of course, you knew that already. :-* :-*
congratulations! i'm sure jackie will have a special eye on you to guard and support you ;)
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omg...and how she does!! it's jackie's smile!! i knew she would leave it here for the world to enjoy... ;)
Hi Martina,
So nice to hear from you! :D
And you are so right, what a beautiful smile left here for the world to enjoy! :D :D :D
David
jackie is part of what drives me back here again and again ;)
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Congratulations ((((Terry&Mitch)))).
I know Jackie is watching you from above and smiling.
Much love and happiness to you both :-* :-*
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Congratulations, (((((((((((Terry and Mitch))))))))))))))))))!!!!
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Congratulations, (((((Terry and Mitch))))))!
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Dear Jackie,
It is complete...we are together. Of course, you knew that already. :-* :-*
I JUST saw this. Congrats to you guys! Okay, so I got all (happy) choked up when I saw it... so sue me. :'(
I dreamed about Jackie the other night. Sure do miss her!
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Mitch and Terry - You know how ecstatic Jackie will be with this news... She would have already planned her visit to see you both... Ahem, of course after you had your 'settling in' period!!!!!!!!!
Its great the effects that ripple still from just a film!!!!!!
And also that we keep on coming back to talk to Jackie... What a wonderful person, who will live forever through our memories... I know that once her grandchildren are grown, they will be here reading what Jackie wrote, and also what everyone wrote about her in this thread...
W
XXXXXX
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I JUST saw this. Congrats to you guys! Okay, so I got all (happy) choked up when I saw it... so sue me. :'(
I dreamed about Jackie the other night. Sure do miss her!
Dreams are GOOD....you're lucky to dream like that....she's paying you a visit. :-*
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Mitch and Terry - You know how ecstatic Jackie will be with this news... She would have already planned her visit to see you both... Ahem, of course after you had your 'settling in' period!!!!!!!!!
Its great the effects that ripple still from just a film!!!!!!
And also that we keep on coming back to talk to Jackie... What a wonderful person, who will live forever through our memories... I know that once her grandchildren are grown, they will be here reading what Jackie wrote, and also what everyone wrote about her in this thread...
W
XXXXXX
Wayne....you're right about Jackie....she would of planned her "guest" house visit...lol...awwww ,so sweet.
I talk to Jackie all the time...whenever I walk outside going to work, (5 am) the stars up in the sky, I say hello...the moon...I say hello...when I have a bad day, I may swear in English or Spanish...lol....and sometimes for no reason, Jackie would pop up in my head and I would laugh to myself...ahhh, it ain't worth getting mad anymore...
She still works wonders...and maybe that's my way of dealing with her loss...I don't care...she's there,looking down,her hand on our shoulders...comforting us....*sigh*
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What great words, the two of you, Nellie and Wayne!!!
Just know Jackie is thrilled, not only about Mitch and Terry, but by the joy that is being said and spread.
David
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Hiya Jackie.
It's the 3 year anniversary of the first BBM backyard BBQ, when we met for the first time. 3 years. Feels like I knew you much longer.
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Yes, I was mentioning that yesterday. Those were the days!! August 11,12,13, 2006!! Never Forget!!!!
When I met you, Jackie, in San Antonio, when I only lived 3 or 4 Metro stops from you here in DC!!
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:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(...I feel sad today
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:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(...I feel sad today
I love you more than marshmellows :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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David/Chucki - Of course 3 years since the BBQ WOW...
I was actually with Paula at the time of my 3 year anniversay of meeting Jackie, which was a great moment :-*
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And meeting a certain other person too! :D
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I love you more than marshmellows :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
:D :D :D :D :D...I'm honored!! :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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This week when I was posting in the DCF Affected thead, I thought about you.... ;)........all the time and patience you had with me in the beginning, all the encouragement and advice, and yes, sometimes a little admonition too! :) :) :)...........but most of all, you listened, you seem to understand, you were genuine, trustworthy, and most of all, just being YOU, being my friend................I miss you terribly at times, but still feel your presence here.............you were the Earth Mother of this Forum................unique, original, and never at a loss for words, or too busy to take some time for me.................bless you Dear Jackie, bless you......... :-*
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Dear Jackie,
It is complete...we are together. Of course, you knew that already. :-* :-*
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Jesus, you guys look tired ::)
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For you, always :-*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-GtMDLlGRI
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Dearest ((((((((Jackie)))))))))),
Today is the day that I reach post #26,276, the same number as your last post here. I can’t think of a more fitting place to make mine than in here, in this thread devoted to you.
When I first came to the forum I read and read and read. I didn’t become a member for a very long time, fifteen months. At the time I couldn’t imagine ever doing that. When I finally did have the courage to come here, to join and become an active participant in May of 2007, you were one of the first people to introduce yourself to me, to welcome me in the newcomers thread and to reach out to me. I will never forget that. Yours are some of the very first PMs that I ever received and they are still in my inbox. I treasure them......
When I came to the diner time after meeting brokies in NYC for the first time I was so nervous! Once again you were there and welcomed me with open arms, like an old friend. Everyone in the diner did. I still cry now when I think about that, the way I was made to feel at home, like I had found a home. Jackie, you are so much a part of this home! Your voice and your spirit are still here, I really feel that, but I miss you terribly.
I never had the privilege of meeting you in person as so many others did, or the pleasure of hearing the sweet sound of your voice, of your laughter, but your voice and your spirit I did have the joy of experiencing, and joy it was and still is. Your love, sense of humor, wisdom, and intelligence, your ability to speak to each one of us as individuals, your thoughtfulness, generosity, and kindness have touched me and changed me forever. The plans we made, the spring train trip to Maine (to maybe see Mitch), the trip I would make to DC to meet you….. it’s so sad that we never got to see them through. I only wish we hadn’t decided we’d wait to talk by phone until after the craziness of the holidays was passed…
So it is with great joy at having had you in my life ever so briefly, and with the deepest sadness at having lost you too soon (so many mixed emotions as I pass this mark) that I think of you, dear friend, and I really feel as though you are a dear friend. I feel your presence and I know you are here in spirit, shining your beautiful light on us all.
With much love,
your SuzyQ
:-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-*
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what a sweet and wonderful post.
Jackie lives on in our hearts and memories.
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Amen.
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Sue, how beautiful.
You have captured the essence of Jackie so well -- how she spoke to each of us as individuals, and made everyone feel at home.
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What a beautiful post, Sue.
Thank you for putting it in words.
:-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-*
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Wonderful post Sue... :-* :-* :-* :-*
Jackie would be in floods of tears if she read it! - Happy tears of course...
I still miss her all the time :'( :'( :'(
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SuzieQ....what a truly heartfelt post,so beautifully said...thank you so much for writing this. ((hugs)) to you.
Nellie
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(((Sue)))
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Very touching post Sue, and many of the same thoughts and feelings I have for Jackie................ :)
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Oh Jackie...I'm having a terrible time with deer in my yard...I'm so pissed....they ate all the leaves off your rose bush..but they left the best for you...the roses itself. Ugh....choo them away,will you?
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You know?...I just remembered something you told me...you LOVED deer....you loved watching them from your balcony.
So I'm not mad anymore..I'm sure you didn't mind....
To Jackie..............................................no matter how ugly her bush is.....bwahahhaha ;D ;D :D ::)
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I miss you girl... :-* :'(
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You know?...I just remembered something you told me...you LOVED deer....you loved watching them from your balcony.
So I'm not mad anymore..I'm sure you didn't mind....
To Jackie..............................................no matter how ugly her bush is.....bwahahhaha ;D ;D :D ::)
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Guess what - I bought a (miniature) deer today.
No coincidence, I am sure...
(((Jackie, Nellie)))
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Sue, you said it so well. Thank you!!
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I miss you girl... :-* :'(
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This is a wonderful picture.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Nellie and Jackie))))))))))))))))))))) !!
Today I reach the same post number as Jackie's last post on the forum.
Like Sue I want to make this post in here.
Love!
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Today I reach the same post number as Jackie's last post on the forum.
Love!
(((Jackie)))
(((Mia)))
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(((((((((((((((((Jackie & Mia)))))))))))))))))
I'm glad to see that we're doing this, noting when each of us reaches the point at which Jackie had to leave us.
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I miss you girl... :-* :'(
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((((((((((((((((Jackie and Nellie))))))))))))))))
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This is a wonderful picture.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Nellie and Jackie))))))))))))))))))))) !!
Today I reach the same post number as Jackie's last post on the forum.
Like Sue I want to make this post in here.
Love!
((((((((((((((((((((Jackie and Mia)))))))))))))))))))) !!
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(((((((((((((((((Jackie & Mia)))))))))))))))))
I'm glad to see that we're doing this, noting when each of us reaches the point at which Jackie had to leave us.
I'm glad to see it too... a way of paying tribute to our dear friend.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZA_RB5oTPw
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This is truly one of my favorite songs from Aretha .... ((((Marc))))
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just visiting...after a long time. drawn home again...
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING
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and thank you for watching over P...
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HAPPY BOITDAY, JACKIE,
DAWLIN HAWT!!!!
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jackie,sweetie thinking of you today!
i still have a collage of the BBM texas gathering hanging in my bathroom and you are on that a couple of times,so thinking about you every day!!
happy birthday darling
miss you :-*
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happy birthday...with love. :)
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I have just found 2 cards Jackie sent me, one she sent after the BBQ in Texas and the other from a museum Jackie went to with Fritz, they sent me a postcard with a cow on the front and addressed it to "The Cowntess".
Sal ;D
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I remember that well. We were hoping to visit other art museums in the area, but fate intervened.
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Jackie....I miss you terribly today... :'( :'( :'(...I find it so hard to visit this Forum...it isn't the same anymore... :'(.... I do try to keep in touch with friends here.. :-\...I know you wouldn't want us all to "let go"
I found your art set Paula gave me....I think Shannon would love to have it,so I'm going to give it to her...she's taken on to art like you and I... :-\...you would be proud of her. I found her little note she wrote to you..." I love you Jackie even though I never met you".... I feel your presence very close to me...and for some reason,unplanned, I'm finding lots of things of yours. Your poem book you mailed to me...never knew where I put it, and there it was....you're trying to say something?.....*sigh*
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i wish i could of met you jackie, everyone on the forum talks so highly of you :-* god bless
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Thinking of you, Jackie. We were so fortunate to have known you while there was still time.
I'm sure there will be tears on Saturday, but I hope some smiles, too, remembering you.
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Hello sweetheart...
I can not believe 2 years have passed already... I miss you still so much... If only you really knew the affect you had on people...
Nells - Love your post and I promise to call you v soon
W
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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Jackie, we love you !
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Jackie, we love you !
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Always and Forever...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDmMf0533fc
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Hi Jackie!
I really miss our conversations. The PMs and phone calls always made me laugh. I will never forget that day. I was watching the forum very closely. We had just lost Heath, and those closest to you were praying for you.
I stepped away to have lunch, and came back to find the message from Nellie that you had left us.
My cubicle at work is full of pics from the travels I've done due to Brokeback and this forum. My coworkers know I'm a "Brokie" and just at that moment they came to my cube to tell me they were sorry about Heath. I then told them about you, and had a mini break down.
I wanted to mourn for you properly, but I had a job to do. The Heathens were in shock and mourning so hard. I was getting emails, PMs, Instant Messages, even phone calls in some cases. I was needed, so I pushed aside my grief for you, and was there for them.
Oxford was coming, and a memorial service was planned. Wayne surprised me by telling me how much you liked my poetry, and asked me to prepare a piece for your service. I guessed that would be my time to grieve. However, I hate public speaking (I'm sure you were watching me with a smirk on your face. ;) ) and I was so focused on not messing up your service, that I got through it without incidence.
It was only after watching our movie, that it hit me, because you weren't there with us to see it. I left before the credits ended, and walked outside for air. Thankfully, some Brokies followed me. That's where I had my breakdown.
I think of you every day, Jackie. I have this picture on my dresser, and I see it each day when I wake, and when I get ready for bed.
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And this one hangs on the wall of my cubicle at work.
Thank you for being there when I needed you, Jackie. Thanks for sharing your knowledge, for your kind heart, for your calming demeaner, and your shoulder and ear, whenever I needed them.
I hope I was able to return the favors for you.
You greeted me at the Texas BBQ, the Bay City gatheirng, some of the slash bashes, and the Colorado BBQ. I know you'll be there to greet me at the gates when it's my time to cross over.
Love you.
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To light a candle for Jackie, choose any unlit candle at Gratefulness.org ~ Paint (http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=Paint).
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To light a candle for Jackie, choose any unlit candle at Gratefulness.org ~ Paint (http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=Paint).
Thank you, Chuck.
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Love you Chucki :-* Your posts are beautiful :'( :'( :-*
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The first reply to my first post. I will never forget how I felt when I read it.
Thank you Jackie for welcoming me here. Thank you so much!
Welcome, Miaisland....
Nothing will be the same, because you are no longer the same, are you, dear? Funny how a piece of celluloid can forever change us....if we let it.
I, no we, are here to help you, as and if we can, while you figure things out, just as we are for each other.
Thank you for speaking and again, welcome, welcome home.
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Thank you to everyone for these memories of Jackie.
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To light a candle for Jackie, choose any unlit candle at Gratefulness.org ~ Paint (http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=Paint).
i have just lit a candle for jackie :-*
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Thank you all for your beautiful posts....
((((((((((((Jackie)))))))))
I miss you.
Love, Sue
:-* :-* :-*
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I miss you too, Jackie. We took some great trips together, most with others, but the one especially with just the two of us. I picked you up early from your place, and we went leisurely along US 1 up to the Brandywine River Museum in Pennsylvania, where we looked at all the Wyeth family paintings there, as well as the photographs and sculpture garden. We had lunch there, then mailed the cards we got to various Brokies around the world. You humored me on the way back, because I just had to go a bit out of the way to get into New Jersey and Delaware for the first time that year. Then we drove back by way of the Eastern Shore of Maryland, where you took spooky pictures of the ruined former home of a friend of mine as well as of a sign over the Sassafras River for a fellow Brokie. We had a fabulous crab dinner at that little place just before Kent Island, which we didn't know anything about but decided to take a chance.
We were planning to take another trip to the Delaware Art Museum to see their excellent collection of pre-Raphaelites, but fate intervened.
Love you still, Jackie.
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Well... I've said this before,
but there are three memories in particular that link me to (((Jackie))):
- our broccoli-joking
- the wordplay on Sir
and - especially one scene in American Beauty that meant a lot to us both. A lot!
And I will never forget our ceremony in Oxford.
I can't believe that all this took place already two years ago.
Much love (((soul of the Diner))) !!
:-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-*
Next year I'll visit Washington D.C., and I'm looking forward to meeting you there in RL!
;)
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So often, when I'm cooking broccoli, the phrase "my darling broccolette" comes to mind.. I remember the broccoli joking so very well, and all the wordplay on Sir and Ing in your signature line, Ing..
I only wish I could have attended the ceremony in Oxford for this true friend that I never got to meet....
Jackie had a way of making each and every one of us feel special, and she was a very special lady as it was obvious from my first contact with her in the diner, and soon thereafter through pms.
I have re-read her pms tonight and sit here crying, all of them preserved in my inbox for as long as I stay a member here.. I can't bear to delete them even though I have saved them elsewhere on my computer, and her phone number will always be stored in my cell phone.
:'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'( :-* :'(
Here's to a dear friend I never got to meet, to the plans we were making for the spring of 2008 just before she left us. Did she know then that she was going? I'll never know, but perhaps the plans were her way of trying to hold onto the thought that she would make it through her health crisis..
Love you, (((((Jackie Dear))))))
one day we'll take that train trip together.......
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This happy photo was taken at Estes Park during the 2007 BBQ by my Chuck. Jackie and I had just signed each other's Beyond Brokeback books. I shall treasure this moment forever.
Jackie hugely welcomed me to the forum when I joined in Feb 2006 and very much helped me overcome my initial shyness.
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God bless you Jackie..... :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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That's a wonderful picture of you both, John.
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Jackie, isn't it strange that right these days, when we remember you, i miss talking to you most? I could really use your advice, your happiness and your love right now... :-\
Well, i know that you are somewhere out there, watching us. It would be selfish to want you back here, you're somewhere better now. (((love)))
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Jackie...
I watched our all-time-favorite movie, our BBM, on both your and Heath's anniversaries. 12midnight, both Friday and Saturday night, this past weekend, at an old theater in Seattle. You may have known the place, since you grew up over here in the Seattle area. It was the Egyptian Theater on Broadway, where it meets Pine Street.
Seeing our movie on the big screen brought back memories seeing it on the TV just doesn't stir.
Driving home to Puyallup where you spent time at the Western Washington Fair, (it's grounds just a couple miles from my home), I remembered my first trips to see our movie... in Seattle, and where in just a couple weeks where it brought me, to this place, the forum where we originally met.
I remember first meeting you at Brad and Steve's. You and Linda there to surprise Nick.
You really made the Diner the DINER. The place to be... I remember oatmeal raisin cookies and coffee in my morning in that Diner. And the box of real ones you sent me less than four months before you left us. You made them yourself. Put some oatmeal chocolate chip cookies in the box too, with a pretty card.
The forum isn't the same without you Big Sis.
You are missed, and loved,
Rob
((((((( :*:*:*:*:*:*:* ))))))) around the Diner.
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Dear Tom,
One of the customs for me at Thanksgiving time, is to assess the wonderful gifts for which I am grateful. Sharing delicious time in Colorado, getting to know you, a little so far, has been one of my sweetest gifts. To the future!
Many hugs,
Jackie
Here is what she sent me 11/21/2007. Miss you Jackie... :'(
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Jackie, Jackie, Jackie. You still make me grin.
Mitch and I had our first Christmas Tree this past Christmas, and the little cowboy ornaments you gave me were placed front and center. We talked of you, wished good things for you. Both grateful we were blessed by you and your sweet spirit.
As everyone says, you are missed. I hope you know how much you were loved. How much you were liked.
terry
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*waves at Terry*
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Hiya Chuck. Hope all's well.
terry
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Jackie...I miss you !! :'( :'( :'(
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And we'll never not miss you.
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Been looking through the BBQ photo's of late, some wonderful memories!!
Sal ;D
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Been looking through the BBQ photo's of late, some wonderful memories!!
Sal ;D
you and me both....funny how we spontaneously did that
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Great minds Nellie, great minds!!
Sal :-*
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Great minds Nellie, great minds!!
Sal :-*
:-* :-* :-* :-*....once that connection, always that connection!! we're amigas.. :-*
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When I was in Sweden Mia and I lit a candle for (((((((((((Jackie)))))))))))
Always in our hearts...
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi215.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fcc93%2Fmusical1_photoalbum%2F1Sweden%2F2010_0402Sweden0082.jpg&hash=5df390bcbdfa4017d4d6d30d6cf9cf6799695631)
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That was in a church, Sue? I didn't realized that they had that tradition there. I'm glad you did that for her.
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Oh, how sweet is that?
She's smiling!
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When I was in Sweden Mia and I lit a candle for (((((((((((Jackie)))))))))))
Always in our hearts...
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi215.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fcc93%2Fmusical1_photoalbum%2F1Sweden%2F2010_0402Sweden0082.jpg&hash=5df390bcbdfa4017d4d6d30d6cf9cf6799695631)
Always!
((((((((((((((((((((((Jackie)))))))))))))))))))) !!
Thank you for posting this (((((((((((((((Sue))))))))))))))) !
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That was in a church, Sue? I didn't realized that they had that tradition there. I'm glad you did that for her.
Yes, it was in Mia's church. We wanted to remember her that way..
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Oh, how sweet is that?
She's smiling!
I know she is!
((((Nellie)))))
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Always!
((((((((((((((((((((((Jackie)))))))))))))))))))) !!
Thank you for posting this (((((((((((((((Sue))))))))))))))) !
You're welcome ((((((((((((Mia)))))))))))) !!
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Happy Mother's Day, Jackie....for you are our Forum mother...in my eyes anyway,
I love you and will always think of you,you will never be forgotten.
Please continue to be our guardian angel down here...
tu hermana
Nellie...xo
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JACKIE!! STOP playing games with me...!! ::)
I dreamed about you :-\....then saw your art set in the basement...hmmmm
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I don't know if this has been posted before, but it's worth a re-post.
Local woman 'reads all about it' for others
Aug. 30, 2004
Laura C. Jackson
Books on audiotape are readily available for those who are visually impaired. But what if someone wants to get the local news or the latest tips from a newspaper advice columnist?
Volunteers for Metropolitan Washington Ear read the Washington Post and several other periodicals cover to cover to provide valuable, short-term information to those who are blind, unable to read print or unable to turn the pages of a newspaper.
Jaclyn C. Pascarella, a College Park resident who has served in various capacities with Washington Ear since around 1988, is one of about 350 volunteers who read front-page news, the sports section, the horoscopes, the obituaries and more to those who otherwise couldn't receive this kind of information.
"My kids wouldn't let me read out loud to them anymore," said Pascarella, recalling how she began volunteering with Washington Ear.
After reading an article that requested volunteers to read to the blind, Pascarella auditioned for the service. She started out reading one-hour segments of popular books long before books on tape were popular. Back then, visually impaired people could access the service via a radio substation broadcast.
"My first book was a Don DeLillo murder mystery," she said. "The section I was reading had some sexy parts. It was a little strange, but I read it straight through. As a reader, you're not supposed to do any editorializing or make interpretations. You just read the words."
the full article is here:
http://www.gazette.net/gazette_archive/2004/200435/princegeorgescty/makediff/232892-1.html (http://www.gazette.net/gazette_archive/2004/200435/princegeorgescty/makediff/232892-1.html)
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Thanks for that, John!
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omg! i have never seen this before! what a wonderful memory...talking to jackie when she'll finish with "honey, i've gotta go, i've got some reading and recording to do." i always found that so wonderful of her to do this!
a couple of weeks a go i saw a lady in the underground. from behind, she looked like jackie. whenever i see somebody like that, i think of her. it's a beautiful memory. :)
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At the gathering at her place after she died, we were encouraged to donate to the Washington Ear in lieu of flowers or any other memorial. It's a great organization, and they still use a subcarrier of the public radio station WETA, I think.
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omg! i have never seen this before! what a wonderful memory...talking to jackie when she'll finish with "honey, i've gotta go, i've got some reading and recording to do." i always found that so wonderful of her to do this!
a couple of weeks a go i saw a lady in the underground. from behind, she looked like jackie. whenever i see somebody like that, i think of her. it's a beautiful memory. :)
there's a lady at the grocery store that looks a lot like her...she's a cashier..I'm drawn to wait in her lane....has a nice smile like Jackie's,not the same but good enough.... :)
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Hellooooo Jaclyn! :-* :-* :-* It's been a long time since I've been in here, but had to tell you that Terry and I went to a screening of Brokeback Mountain last night in OKC. Believe it or not, it's the first time we've watched the movie together.....funny, since the movie is wholly responsible for me being in the Southwest these days. It's been a while since either of us have watched it. It was amazing at the flood of memories & emotions that came rushing in when that first, solemn note played until the last credit rolled.
We both left the theatre with heavy hearts(again) but also with an appreciation of what we've been through, and thankful to have found each other. But....seeing the movie made us miss you immensely! We talked and laughed about this little journey we've been on and how strange it is that life can turn you in a different direction on a dime. We talked of Nellie, Fritz, Linda, Brad, San Antonio and Bay City....and of course, you. It would have been great to call you and share the night with you. I know the hopeless romantic you were, you would have been waiting by the phone to hear all the details. I'd be lying if I said I didn't shed a tear for you last night.
Miss you and love you, always!
Terry and Mitch
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Hiya Mitch! I'm glad you and Terry got the chance to see the movie the other night, and it gave ya such good memories!
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Hi Dear Jackie,
Wanted to wish you a Happy Fourth Anniversary - BBM Backyard BBQ, San Antonio, August 11, 12, 13 2006.
Although we lived just 4 Metro stops apart, it took over a thousand miles of travel to finally meet. I miss you.
Love and Hugs,
(((((((((((((((((((Jackie))))))))))))))))))))
David
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Miss you too, Jackie. And happy anniversary, dawlin hawt!
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Happy Anniversary Jackie, my sweet hermana....miss you so much!!
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Jackie,
I hope you were listening the other day when Wayne, Sarah, Chuck and I were singing softly along with "The Maker Makes", that Wayne had put on the car radio.
He said "This is for you Jackie" and suddenly I felt as if the world around just stopped existing and we were the only ones breathing. I was driving, and humming along, and missing you so damn much.
Love you always, sis.
-
I had to post this picture .....just because
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi79.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fj157%2Fdjbdc9%2FIMG_1384.jpg&hash=35fca212c126e30ede7a3fea0246b360393e83c0)
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Love that one always! Thank you Dave for taking it!
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I had to post this picture .....just because
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi79.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fj157%2Fdjbdc9%2FIMG_1384.jpg&hash=35fca212c126e30ede7a3fea0246b360393e83c0)
You do't need a reason. Love this photo it was so Jackie.
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awww. i remember this!
i like how it looks like that guy is walking on her forearm :D
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I won't be here on the 14th, and may not have access to a computer, so
Remembering you on your birthday Painted Shoes (Jackie)!
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi54.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fg116%2FCellarDweller115%2FNYC%2520Gathering%2FNYCGathering037.jpg&hash=fb12cd3bda75191338f7caa700e712518e49bb33)
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING JACKIE!
keep missing your "girlie" smile...
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HAPPY BOITDAY,
JACKIE
EVAH DAWLIN HAWT!!!!
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Remembering you today on your Birthday
Sal :-*
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Happy Birthday
Dear Jackie!!
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi215.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fcc93%2Fmusical1_photoalbum%2Fflower.jpg&hash=b915068f7af6a4bceb8a978a9d697c982f9656ac)
:-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
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Happy Birthday, sister of mine!!
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi51.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff376%2Fmcnell1120%2FBay%2520City%25202007%2FBayCity066.jpg&hash=18da10200374346f72910d507cebd3b12edd561d)
Love you always,
Nelliebelle
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Thinking about you, Jackie!
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi215.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fcc19%2FJanssonmamma%2Fgiffar%2Fblommor%2FPicture242.jpg&hash=eace6991c7daba20c207ce54bcc1d8e22c1d30cc)
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I never met You - but I miss You
:'( :'( :'(
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Thinking of you my sweet sister of mine during these Holidays.
I miss you so so much! :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
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Remembering and missing you!
To light a candle for Jackie, choose any unlit candle at Gratefulness.org ~ Paint.
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For you dear Jackie. You are forever :-*
I'll always think of this as your song in my heart
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkjT4DIJ-5w
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Here's the link for the candle lighting http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=paint
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Old favorites. On the phone.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi47.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff192%2Ffritzkep%2FIMG_0211.jpg&hash=7d366df1754d8c3ed00c44035dfba91c0a6ec9d0)
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At the Metro.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi79.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fj157%2Fdjbdc9%2FIMG_1384.jpg&hash=35fca212c126e30ede7a3fea0246b360393e83c0)
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I miss you, Jackie. I miss your voice and your letters and our chats and everything. I hope you and Heath are keeping good company to each other. :'( :-*
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Always remembering you, Jackie. :-*
terry
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Dear Jackie,
I always try to forget that dreadful day...I always fill my void with so much ,but who am I foolin'? Mentally I lock down,I feel funny,crabby,melancholy takes over me and when I look at the calendar,yep,there it is....that dreadful day.
I can never come here on THE day,it always has to be days later,it's like a game ,I'm trying to push it away I guess. I think of you all the time,daily....every clear morning at 5 am as I leave my house for work,I look up and see the stars,saying "hola mi hermana,hope you're doing good today,don't forget me down here" <sigh> what a silly game I play,but it's all I got and it'll have to be for the time being until I can come up with something else.
You seem to play games with me and at times I'm not always that quick to notice, but you make me smile. That bag rattling in the wind or a certain bird that flies and flies around me..or the dreams you seem to fill. A certain scent that reminds me of you...your art set you left behind. It's all there and I'm so thankful.
Jackie my sweet ,sweet sister of mine, I love you...you are a part of me now. I still cry for you ,that void is still there even after all this time....I don't think it will ever go away...you were the one who comforted me,the only friend that listened to my blabber besides Terry which I drove him nuts...lol...certain things I couldn't tell him but you..hermana....you were always there for me....you were there for so many of us...there won't ever be a friend like you...God how I miss you so...<sigh>
Nellie... :-* :-* :-*
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(((((((((Nellie)))))))))
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(((((((((Nellie)))))))) :-*
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(((((((((((Nellie))))))))))
:-* :-*
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I love you, Jackie, my Ms Jiminy.
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I love you, Jackie, my Ms Jiminy.
:-*
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I love you, Jackie, my Ms Jiminy.
(((((((((( Marc )))))))))))))
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Today is just one of those days when I miss you, Jackie... :'(........I miss our 'chats', your ability to listen, to not judge, and offer good advice only when asked. So many 'Earth Mother' qualities about you, I couldn't begin to articulate all that you meant to me in the time we had together. I know in my heart you are in a better place now, with no pain or suffering. I just wish there was a 'Penny from Heaven' so I'd know you are watching............. :-*
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((((((((((Jonn)))))))))))
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At the Metro.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi79.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fj157%2Fdjbdc9%2FIMG_1384.jpg&hash=35fca212c126e30ede7a3fea0246b360393e83c0)
Hello Beautiful
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That's my favorite picture of her.
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One of mine too.
((Marc))
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Mine too.
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and mine!! luv u Jackie!!
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Just thinking of you girl...as I admire your rose bush I planted in your name...gotta take some pictures...thought for sure the deer destroyed it last year, but its thriving and looking so beautiful...
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Just thinking of you girl...as I admire your rose bush I planted in your name...gotta take some pictures...thought for sure the deer destroyed it last year, but its thriving and looking so beautiful...
I would love to see that. Please take pics, honey :-*
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Cleo Laine: Wish You Were Here (I Do Miss You)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOBban4jprc
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Cleo Laine: Wish You Were Here (I Do Miss You)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOBban4jprc
(((((Marc))))) :-* :'(
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(((((Marc))))) :-* :'(
A beautiful song for a beautiful lady... :)
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Thinking of you today, Jackie!! Every time I see my angel outside I think of you
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi51.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff376%2Fmcnell1120%2F023-5.jpg&hash=a4824b05515fa4d41999793f0e3e6a681b81ff66)
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Remembering you with one of your favourite singers singing one of my favourite songs:
Aretha Franklin - Someday We'll All Be Free
http://youtu.be/56W4agQfY7w
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It will be four years tomorrow, Jackie.
I hope that you are looking down on us and laughing at our continued adventures, perhaps nudging Heath and saying "These are the people I've told you about!"
Miss you, darlin'!
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Silently remembered every day
XXX
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cause you also loved lighthouses and today there was a small rainboiw at the berach and thought of you :-*
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi421.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fpp293%2Fmydyami%2Fpictures%25203%2FIMG_4719.jpg&hash=16af62f5bf7296e2f6dcba8e30b333a67a3cefbc)
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Miss you, Jackie! The Earth Mother of this forum. Full of wisdom and sage advice, no one can replace you.
:) :) :)
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Amen, Jonn.
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this is beautiful, Nellita
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My heart aches for you daily my sweet sister of mine....what could of been...what more we could of shared....it all happened for a reason...you are our guardian angel...forever in our hearts...2 years of wonderful memories...2 years of cherished conversations!!
Love you hermana
Nellie...xoxox
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Awww, Nellie, that's a wonderful picture of you and Jackie.
She's definitely a guardian angel.
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Amen.
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Amen again.
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A thought for you ((((((((((Jackie)))))))))) !!
For the special place you will always have on the forum and in our hearts.
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I understand....
I wish I'd known Jackie.
-
You would have loved her.
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Yes indeed.
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The original Earth Mother of this forum! Miss you so much, dear Jackie! :(
-
I just found this on Facebook, posted to one of my friend's wall. I think it fits here, even after this time.
"When A Friend Bids Goodbye"
My dear friends,
close your eyes...
hold my hand,
and hear me whisper...
For the times I was lost,
you were there to look for me.
Will you believe me when I say I love you more than you'll ever know.
Will you trust me when I say ...this time you have to let me go.
My dear friends, I must leave.
The world no longer needs me.
It's my time to be gone, until we meet again someday.
Don't you cry now, I know I'll be okay.
Trust that I'll never forget you.
Don't be sad now, just close your eyes until it's through.
Hold my hand, don't open your eyes yet...
wait when I no longer whisper..
My dear friends, you'll be fine.
I'll be up there watching over you.
For the times I'll be gone, don't ever forget
the words I whispered to you.
God calls on my name... and I have to let go of your hand now...
Please don't cry... and smile for me..
because I'm with the one who made us friends.
Remember, I'll always love you.
so come, wave me goodbye...
It'll be painful but we have to...
Hug me, hug me tight, feel the words I can no longer say.
My dear friends, I'm going to miss you.
just pray because I'll always listen.
and one day, when it's your time,
I'll be there for you...
Just like the way I used to.
...I love you...
-
PERFECT ...just perfect
Thank you Chucky....you sap you....some days I feel such a yearning to hear her voice and when I try hard enough,I actually hear her voice and her laugh....it's amazing that after all this time it still marvels me that we became so close after only 2 years....we all grew to love her...we all have something to call our own special time with her,our memories,something she said to us.....
She was sent from God,no doubt...to touch us deeply,and to make us think after she left us.....my heart still aches and it will for a very long time....and that's ok...it's changed my life and my way of thinking...
I love you Jackie....and I love you too Chucky....cuz even though you are one silly pendejo,you have a soft heart and a serious side to you, you are always thinking...you put this poem out there at a perfect time for me...I needed it badly
Nellie...xo
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Hugs Nellie :-*
-
Missing you very much today. I wish I can pick up the phone right now. I still have your number in my phone. I'm angry and I'm pissed as all hell as to why you had to leave us.
Visit me in my dreams some time.
-
I still have her address in my address-book. :'(
-
Happy New Year my sweet sweet friend! You are playing games with me again,but you made me smile you loca!! ha ha ha.....I'm so glad we had those little talks,those little things you would do if you were gone. Well,it's like you knew all along you weren't going to be here,but I thank you,I thank you for those wonderful 2 years I had with you and the tears we shed together,the giggles we had,those silly 12 yr old girlie thoughts we sometimes admitted to...another year bites the dust,this year will be better!!
I love you mi hermana ,para siempre!!
Nellie...xoxox
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there is a page for people to light candles for Jackie. You can find it here.
Light A Candle For Jackie (http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=BBMJP)
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I just lit one, and see that some others have done already the same.
-
(((((((((((((Jackie))))))))))))))
-
Requiem aeternam dona ei Domine, et lux perpetua luceat eam.
-
I did light a candle.
((((Jackie))))
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I lit one too..
Remembering you today ((((((((((Jackie))))))))))
as the light that you were and still are on the forum.
-
Thinking of you today, Jackie!
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Thinking of you, too, Jackie.
-
{{{{{{{BigSisJackie}}}}}}}
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Thinking of you today today too
((((((((Jackie)))))))
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Thinking of you !! Got a new rose...a tree this time. Named it "Jackie"
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi51.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff376%2Fmcnell1120%2F2013%2Fa1bf70fd-d8c2-487e-8c04-921ade931601.jpg&hash=a476fb7eeaf0a3c5c89fe486948ffb9672234d5a)
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That's sweet.
In my bedroom I have the pic of Jackie that Paula gave me, where she's standing with her arms outstretched.
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Dear Jackie,
I'm missing you terribly today. Today I would have called you with my stories.Today I would of said "how you doin' amiga?" I probably would of laughed until I almost peed my pants. I would hear about your grandkids and how big they are getting.About you DIL and son.What your plans would be and who you were going to visit next.
It really sucks that the only person I really vented to without feeling judged was you. I miss you telling me "oh Nellie,you're so silly" How many times I've heard you say how are OUR boys doing? Meaning Terry and Mitch. Or how goofy Chucky was..he has his own apartment now. You would of been so happy to hear the news. I haven't been in this Forum Jackie. I am so out of the loop now. something is missing . I still love to hear from the rest of my Forum friends.But I still long to see you pop up and saying "Hi Nellie Bellie!!" :'( :'( "what's for dinner tonight?"
I love you Jackie,one day I'm going to visit that Medium Theresa from New Jersey.I want to see if you come thru with any messages. ;D
Don't forget us down here and one day we will meet again,hopefully not too soon,no offense! ::)
Nellie...xoxoxooxx
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(((((((Nellie)))))))
-
Nellie, how you feel about Jackie is how I feel about my mother. I feel lost sometimes. Like Jackie, my mother is up there with the Angels.
-
there is a page for people to light candles for Jackie. You can find it here.
Light A Candle For Jackie (http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=BBMJP)
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Time flies...
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It does indeed.
My candle is lit too (called JR).
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Mine is lit, too.
((((((Jackie&Friends)))))
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Mine as well.... (((((Jackie & friends))))
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Mine is lit, too
-
Done
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(((((((Nellie)))))))
Rob.....she told me so many stories of how much she loved you all.You and Nick...Jari...all of you. It remains deep within my heart and I feel so blessed to know her little "secrets"! I want you all to know that even though I may not visit this Forum daily or even weekly..you all are thought of all the time. My prayers go to all of you.
-
and back to you Nellie!
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Jackie sounds like she was a lovely lady. Wish I had had the privilege of knowing her. Alas...I came here too late.
-
Colmans Mustard - she wanted to try some so I sent her some as a surprise, I think she tried it on everything!!! The Skype conversation I had with her the day she received it will stay with me for a long, long time!
Sal :-*
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Colmans Mustard - she wanted to try some so I sent her some as a surprise, I think she tried it on everything!!! The Skype conversation I had with her the day she received it will stay with me for a long, long time!
Sal :-*
Wasn't she just dramatic?? Always so grateful for everything! She lit up the world!! Her squeaky childish voice ...she made sense of everything and marveled at the world !! Fucken hell I miss her terribly!!
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Amen, Nellie.
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My candle is lit now. (MRK)
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Frender2.snapfish.com%2Frender2%2Fis%3DYup6aQQ%257C%253Dup6RKKt%253AxxWtUq4PJ-ofrj%253DQofrj7t%253DzrRfDUX%253AeQaQxg%253Dr%253F87KR6xqpxQQJGxneQxG0Gxv8uOc5xQQQ0nQPJP0QnnqpfVtB%253F%2AKUp7BHSHqqy7XH6gXPeJ%257CRup6lQQ%257C%2Fof%3D50%2C590%2C442&hash=31222116bf1548677227c8972d0c21cb374532f9)
Cheers Jackie! You're missed! I hope you are up there, looking down at us and laughing.
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Love and miss you Jackie!! xoxoxoxo
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi54.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fg116%2FCellarDweller115%2FNYC%2520Gathering%2FNYCGathering037.jpg&hash=fb12cd3bda75191338f7caa700e712518e49bb33)
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Remembering.
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi54.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fg116%2FCellarDweller115%2FNYC%2520Gathering%2FNYCGathering037.jpg&hash=fb12cd3bda75191338f7caa700e712518e49bb33)
Remember you today Jackie! I hope you're looking down on us and laughing at our antics.
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Remembering you, Jackie!
(https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4765/24976103147_bbbd48c66a_z.jpg)
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Amen.
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Thanks Fritzie!
(https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4706/28087677679_165a36750f_b.jpg)
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You're welcome!
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Thinking with a lot of sadness and a lot of love of both Jackie and Heath.
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Remembering.
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Remembering Jackie and her generous heart. :-*
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Remembering Jackie today.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi54.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fg116%2FCellarDweller115%2FNYC%2520Gathering%2FNYCGathering034.jpg&hash=baab52926b36189df11ba6c69a2d05da8ac4424d)
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Like last year - like every year:
Thinking with a lot of sadness and a lot of love and fondness of both Jackie and Heath.
:) :(
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I always think of Jackie during this month. Such a SWEET SOUL!! The original Earth Mother of this Forum!! ;)
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12 years ago today.
(https://scontent.fewr1-5.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/26904721_1829237270451067_5833526952724136777_n.jpg?_nc_cat=104&_nc_ohc=ZnnfdlOvjdkAX8bai9f&_nc_ht=scontent.fewr1-5.fna&oh=271352ea1f210da8c9759c1feb97bf17&oe=5E9E0E4F)
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I never met Jackie but the reverence expressed so often here makes me wish I had. Peace. V.
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You would've liked her, and she, you.
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Remembering Jackie today.
(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi54.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fg116%2FCellarDweller115%2FNYC%2520Gathering%2FNYCGathering033.jpg&hash=ef265f2bfbcd62e3c6921e5bb92dd0dd8d4288f0)
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Amen.
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Remembering that smile and that kind heart.
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My favorite picture of her. (Taken by David Buntin, I forget his screen name!)
(https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/26904721_1829237270451067_5833526952724136777_n.jpg?_nc_cat=104&ccb=2&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_ohc=FHcgsNoaLDkAX8VUeE1&_nc_ht=scontent-iad3-1.xx&oh=f53433add498f9c75fff443d4b529674&oe=60331D31)
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(https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/19260336_1829954590379335_4233317463537678312_n.jpg?_nc_cat=103&ccb=2&_nc_sid=dbeb18&_nc_ohc=JgGfb3LW5ycAX-OmS6N&_nc_ht=scontent-iad3-1.xx&oh=49971b063b0e51ba959e5c8396a45040&oe=60313F2A)
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Fond thoughts and good, good memories.
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Remembering.
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi54.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fg116%2FCellarDweller115%2FNYC%2520Gathering%2FNYCGathering033.jpg&hash=ef265f2bfbcd62e3c6921e5bb92dd0dd8d4288f0)
Thinking of you with smiles today. ;D
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Oh, I remember Jackie so fondly, too.
Smiles. ;D
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My favorite picture of her, taken by Dave Buntin. For some reason it doesn't show from the last time I posted.
(https://scontent-iad3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.18169-9/26904721_1829237270451067_5833526952724136777_n.jpg?_nc_cat=104&ccb=1-5&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_ohc=HMnMu5phsXwAX_vRa7j&tn=tstd391QxCqc-zEM&_nc_ht=scontent-iad3-2.xx&oh=00_AT9d8MzFhR-zmXxuKIhbcxuWc_siHhPL_Lma1MLAU1NWgw&oe=62124308)
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That's such a great picture, Fritz.
I'm glad you posted it again.
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(https://ultimatebrokebackforum.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi54.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fg116%2FCellarDweller115%2FNYC%2520Gathering%2FNYCGathering037.jpg&hash=fb12cd3bda75191338f7caa700e712518e49bb33)
Remembering Jackie today.
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Amen.
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My favorite picture of her. Taken by Dave Buntin Djbdc9.
Chuck, maybe you can preserve this pic in a place where it won't disappear after a few days?
(https://hosting.photobucket.com/images/g116/CellarDweller115/jackie_station.jpg)
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done! ;D
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Thanks!
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I said it then, I'll say it NOW, Jackie was the Earth Mother of this Forum!! She welcomed me, seemed to understand me, helped me through the short time we connected too! I honestly can say, without her support, plus Nellie, Sue and Adrian, I'm not sure I would have stayed. :o :o :o..........we just connected early on...........a treasure to me.........I sure hope she has peace and comfort wherever she is now.......... :-* :-* :-*