dear sara,
i just wanted to say to you both what a wonderful job you have done thus far at using what you have rather than stewing over what you hadn't got. that is one of the main lessons i took away from my father's life as he dealt with the depredations of chronic heart disease. over time it would get worse and his body would get insufficient oxygen to do the active things he knew and enjoyed the best in life, but he always found a way to max out what strength he did have to great advantage, developing sides of himself neither he nor i knew he had. in time science would provide an advance that gave him more strength and mobility for an indeterminate period, and he would up his performance accordingly, until that gain too petered away. he lived fully that way 25 years longer than anyone expected given the family history of heart disease, dying at 80. the first time i heard him sound defeated by a diagnosis, i hitchhiked from florida up to upstate ny, because that simply wasn't his way, and i think my coming back pleased him more than anything else i had ever done. we had one good day, and the next he went into that death spiral that those at the end of their life enter and died the day after that. at 80, in his own home, his family and cats all present.
to have managed all the traveling you have done, and to enjoy life fully, and to return in short order again using all that you have and not wasting time regretting what you haven't. that isn't failure to me, that is successive successes. my best to you both. enjoy life.