The Ultimate Brokeback Forum

Author Topic: Reactions to Brokeback by friends, family & audiences  (Read 612482 times)

cyoung

  • Guest
Re: Audience, Friends and Family Reactions to the Movie
« Reply #465 on: February 03, 2006, 08:53:27 PM »
BBM seems to hit particularly hard with those of us who have long-buried issues with loss, loneliness, or wondering whether we made the "right" choices for the wrong reasons. 

I think you're right on target.

Cara

cyoung

  • Guest
Re: Audience, Friends and Family Reactions to the Movie
« Reply #466 on: February 03, 2006, 08:59:07 PM »
From what I've seen, it's used to give straight people the chance to feel what it's like to be ridiculed for their sexuality (and it's usually straight, white males, who go through life insulated from any kind of racial or sexual slurs).  An ex-roommate of mine used it 20 years ago in San Francisco when a straight guy getting off a bus called him a faggot for no reason.  Without missing a beat, my roommate called him a breeder.  He later told me the guy's jaw dropped, he was so surprised. 

*sigh* Well, I can understand your ex-roommate's lashing out.

The "breeder" label turns my stomach partly because women have through the centuries been reduced to their biology, as if the only thing they're good for is baby-making.

Cara

Offline Tim

  • Feet Wet
  • **
  • Posts: 28
Re: Audience, Friends and Family Reactions to the Movie
« Reply #467 on: February 03, 2006, 09:07:23 PM »
Quote
BBM seems to hit particularly hard with those of us who have long-buried issues with loss, loneliness, or wondering whether we made the "right" choices for the wrong reasons.

One thing I have learned in life, no one makes any choices for the purest of reasons. That is the beauty and tragedy of our humanity.  That rings so true in this movie too I think.

Offline WLAGuy

  • Obsessed
  • *****
  • Posts: 1370
Re: Audience, Friends and Family Reactions to the Movie
« Reply #468 on: February 03, 2006, 09:13:39 PM »
*sigh* Well, I can understand your ex-roommate's lashing out.

The "breeder" label turns my stomach partly because women have through the centuries been reduced to their biology, as if the only thing they're good for is baby-making.

Cara

If it's any consolation, somehow calling someone a name like that doesn't feel quite as good as you think it would (at least I assume straight guys who go around calling gay men "faggot" do it because it makes them feel good to know they are hurting someone else's feelings, or at least makes them feel better about themselves). 

Offline paintedshoes

  • Movie Lover
  • Obsessed
  • *****
  • Posts: 26276
  • Well, I won't! "Til the next time, my friends!"
Re: Audience, Friends and Family Reactions to the Movie
« Reply #469 on: February 03, 2006, 09:18:41 PM »
[quote author=rmbahr link=topic=152.msg33293#msg33293 date=113902134

Keep in mind that I am not the kind of person to OBSESS about anything!  I rarely cry at movies and NEVER see a movie more than once...let alone 3 times in less than a week!  I cant figure it out but I have little appetite (dont worry..I'm overweight by 75 lbs :)) I find myself either crying or smiling and not much in between!  I posted this on this link because I have been scanning them all week and I guess I just feel like you guys are the only ones that can really understand what I am feeling...what is it?  What should I do??? Is something wrong with me?? :'(
Quote
rmbahr...welcome to the best place in the world.  First, there is nothing wrong with you.  There is something RIGHT with you, because you have, like all of us here, opened yourself up to an experience that is new and frightening to you and you are (by crying out here) admitting that you are willing to deal with it.  As WLAGuy, Mary and Tony stated, everyone deals with issues of loss, loneliness, longing.  This film peals away our protective layers and exposes those truths that we have buried somewhere deep in our souls.  Not everyone wants to do it.  They run away, hide behind laughter, snears or indifference.  It takes a strong person to accept that some kind of fundamental shift has occured in our being.  A movie, a story, did this?  How can that be?  For me, Ennis and Jack have become the vessels into which I can pour the pain, the joys, the LIFE that I can admit I feel.  And isn't that what we all want?  To feel?  To acknowledge that we feel, for ourselves, for others, for the whole damn, stinking , rotten, glorious , wonderful world of humanity.
Bring yourself here.  Don't worry, we are all here to help, love and understand with you.  I love it here in this community.  So will you.  Welcome.
« Last Edit: February 03, 2006, 09:20:50 PM by paintedshoes »
"Miracles do happen, dear friend(s).  Miracles are real."- Boris 
"There are only two things we know: the cosmos exists and we are imbedded within the cosmos.  Everything else is speculation and discovery."- Caithness's dad
Ing's space:Ingyllenhaal+Ingstier+Ing-Myster+Ingwer+IngCannesBabe+darlING

Offline DFWRichNYC

  • Experienced
  • ***
  • Posts: 174
Re: Audience, Friends and Family Reactions to the Movie
« Reply #470 on: February 03, 2006, 10:43:06 PM »
Welcome RMBahr!

I get this feeling sometimes that Brokeback has become an obsession for me just cause it's so damn good and so damn important. I'm gonna sit here and type until I explain this obsession to myself. I'll also need to post this over at 'How Brokeback Effected me"

I haven't seen any movie more than 3 times in the cinema since I was 8 and Star Wars came out!

I can understand being a kid (or and adult- I STILL consider myself a SW geek) and wanting to get lost in that universe time and time again- black and white moral issues, heroic deeds, monsters and robots!  What's not to like? But why would adults want to get lost in the Brokeback Universe?

The BB-Verse has no robots or lightsabers. It has no absolute black and white moral code. It's not stylized or gussied up with special effects. It's not sexy enough to be porn and not violent enough to be an action movie (thought it has sex and violence to be sure). It's not a particularly Romantic universe either, truth be told. There's very little in the way of candlelight and blowing curtains, no castles or maidens, roses or poetry. The BB-verse is prosaic, naturalistic, ordinary. Trailers and laundramats and dust. Aside from our leads, most of the people in the BB-verse are wrinkled, care-worn, dessicated even.

So why in hell would you want to return to that place? Why in hell would you want to go back to Ennis' and Jack's piss-poor excuse for a life?

Because it is a life on that screen. Two real lives with real people going through real things. The BB-verse is a condensed, heightened, super-charged version of what life is actually like. Ennis and Jack are revealed to us more thoroughly and to a greater depth, I think, then any other characters i can remember seeing in any film I've ever watched. I see BBM, and I feel like I know what Jack eats for breakfast and how many holes he has in his sock on a Sunday. I feel like I know Ennis' girls and what life is like in Alma and Munroe's house. I feel like I am on an intimate first-name basis with everyone in the film. How is that possible? Because every bit that I'm shown is psychologically true. Every few seconds I go AHA! as i catch some new nuance and i recognize where it comes from. And, since the cores are presented in full I "know" much more about them by simple extrapolation.

I don't believe in Naturalism, per se- in the idea that a great film is one that shows every little mundane detail. I'm a Romantic in the sense that I believe what's shown on the screen should add up to a sum, a theme, a message- that art must add up in a way that life never does. Give me a vision of what is possible not a mere report of what is.

BBM does have a vision, a message AND YET it's completely honest / naturalistic.

I'm not making myself clear enough...

Brokeback finds the heroism in simply breathing, surviving and being human.

No, not exact enough...

Brokeback feels to me as if I'm watching a documentary that just happens to add up to a profound human truth. It feels to true to be merely a film (with all that implies- scripted lines, posed shots, etc), and yet it is too rich with thematic meaning to ever be taken for accidental, arbitrary real life.

Perhaps even... maybe this explains it.
I have become an Ennis as I've gotten older. Repressed, cut off, alone inside my own head with a wall up that I hardly realize is there anymore. When I go to see BBM, it feels like I'm leafing through an album showing how i got to where I am- a progression from glorious youth and optimism to this ever-more constricted emotional life. As i return again and again to this album, each time I feel like I catch a glimpse of something- some error I made- some small concession to fear or social pressure- that set me on the path to where i am. Glimpsing it gives me hope- because I can only undo the emotional knots I've tied within myself if I can trace their origin. In a sense, the BB-verse is a superb dramatization of the process by which a human soul becomes repressed. So If you have any repression within yourself, you can step into the shoes of Jack and Ennis and - sharing their young optimistic love- find the shadow of whatever heartache is burning you up inside, glimpse the error that drove you to lock it away, and perhaps slip the knots of hurt, shame, fear or regret and become your authentic self once more.

I think THAT, ultimately, is why I'm obsessed. Brokeback is loosening something in my soul somewhere; some hidden love of life and willingness to love that wants to be rediscovered and reclaimed.


Or maybe it's just the hot boys kissin'...  :-*
My turtle is smarter than your honor student

Offline Jermaine P

  • Experienced
  • ***
  • Posts: 76
  • A love more powerful than any other
    • My Yahoo! 360 Page
Re: Audience, Friends and Family Reactions to the Movie
« Reply #471 on: February 04, 2006, 01:50:39 AM »
Well I went to see it with my mum at the only cinema screening it for the entire Gold Coast on opening day here in Australia. The audience was a few gay couples, quite a few older people and some seeing it on their own (theatre was near packed). The reaction was quite good (the Gold Coast area is a fairly tolerant place unlike my little home town here) so piece by piece:

Laughter at Jack playing up by parodyin a rodeo cowboy in front of Ennis before falling into the tent.
Laughter at the thanksgiving scene (tv on, tv off, tv on...)

But apart from that it was just silence, total complete silence.....towards the end was people quietly blowing noses (me included)
I thought that was a good reaction, as if the audience was taking in the movie.

Mum's reaction (she knows I'm gay) was equally good, during the movie though she tended to be less involved in it than I was (making comments on scenery, makeup, outfits and "what did he say there")....I was just not there anymore....totally within the movie. Mum's reaction to the theme and characters etc was positive which was good.

Will give post when I see it here (one town over) on the 16th, less tolerant crowd so it will be interesting to compare reactions...have a few friends going to another showing (supportive friends) and will take another friend who did the "hmm don't know if I wanna go and see a gay cowboy movie thing on me"....which I spent the next 15 minutes "enlightening" her on why that convienient three word tag cannot describe a 134 minute piece of amazing cinema. Will post her after reaction too.

Jermaine
Brokeback Mountain producer James Schamus commented that everybody says Ledger's "so brave to take this role. To me, there are worse jobs than kissing Jake Gyllenhaal.".....AMEN TO THAT!!!

Offline rmbahr

  • Getting Acquainted
  • *
  • Posts: 17
Re: Audience, Friends and Family Reactions to the Movie
« Reply #472 on: February 04, 2006, 05:18:37 AM »
It takes a strong person to accept that some kind of fundamental shift has occured in our being.  A movie, a story, did this?  How can that be?  For me, Ennis and Jack have become the vessels into which I can pour the pain, the joys, the LIFE that I can admit I feel.  And isn't that what we all want?  To feel?  To acknowledge that we feel, for ourselves, for others, for the whole damn, stinking , rotten, glorious , wonderful world of humanity.
Bring yourself here.  Don't worry, we are all here to help, love and understand with you.  I love it here in this community.  So will you.  Welcome.
Quote

All of this compassion and UNDERSTANDING is  incredible~  Its great to know that I am not the only person who has been touched this deeply!  I guess I'll just keep hanging around hoping to gather more insight to my feelings. 

I have a good life!  I am self employed, have LOTS of friends and LOVE being a mom! I probably do have some repressed feelings that this has brought of me but I really cant put my finger on it?

I dont have a relationship with my parents but it was kinda like Jack and Ennis-having to make the choice.  My choice was my boyfriend (i was 17) or my parents.  I chose my boyfriend and finished school-we dated for 3 years, got married and 10 years later had a son and 4 years later had a daughter.  Maybe I feel compassion for Jack and Ennis because I made the choice to be together and NOW after seeing what they had and lost...how close I could have been to losing everything!  (I just feel weird talking like they are real people...ITS A MOVIE!)  It shouldnt matter!!!  IF this movie has made people stop and think about how they feel, then the movie was so well made that it seems so real!  Why is this so hard for me to accept this though?  I just wish that some of my friends and family would get struck with BBM fever becasue I say things about what I read here and they think I have serious issues! :)

This website is so great!  It helps me deal with my ROLLER COASTER of emotions and maybe someday this will all make sense?

Offline killersmom

  • AUNTIE
  • Administrator
  • Obsessed
  • ******
  • Posts: 112501
  • It's me.
Re: Audience, Friends and Family Reactions to the Movie
« Reply #473 on: February 04, 2006, 05:41:11 AM »
(I just feel weird talking like they are real people...ITS A MOVIE!)  It shouldnt matter!!!  IF this movie has made people stop and think about how they feel, then the movie was so well made that it seems so real!  Why is this so hard for me to accept this though?  I just wish that some of my friends and family would get struck with BBM fever becasue I say things about what I read here and they think I have serious issues! :)

This website is so great!  It helps me deal with my ROLLER COASTER of emotions and maybe someday this will all make sense?

You know, these people are real, there are hundred's of Jacks and Ennis' out there. They are posting daily on this forum.
It does matter... it matters to them and it matters to us, because we all are going to make a difference...because of the message this movie communicates
we are not them and us, this story and what it brings all of us, makes us JUST US

and yes, rmbahr, we all have serious issues, that,s what brings us together on this forum and gets us discussing, and gets us moving

Welcome to this roller coaster, all you have to do is buckle you seat belt, let your emotions take you where they may, and it will all make sense.
"Life can only be understood backwards. Unfortunately, it must be lived forward."
... Kierkegaard

CORFES

  • Guest
Re: Audience, Friends and Family Reactions to the Movie
« Reply #474 on: February 04, 2006, 07:27:32 AM »
I didnt know where else to turn!!!  I have NEVER posted anything on a website in my life!!!  I am a midwestern straight married woman who has been married for almost 17 years and have 2 children under the age of 7.  I LOVE my husband immensely and LOVE being a mom!  I went to see this movie after seeing the Oprah show on Friday.  I was so touched!  I really cant put my finger on it but I was in a spell thinking about this INCREDIBLE movie and have not been the same!  I saw it with my cousin who enjoyed the movie but had a hard time with the man-man relationship...however, she cried at the end and saw my "funk" that I fell into and calls me several times everyday.

I then had my other cousin wondering what was up with me and I moved MOUNTAINS to go see the movie with her on Tuesday.  She related to my feelings but not to the extreme!!  I then went and bought the book and soundtrack on Thursday and cant stop!!!  Today one of my best friends called me and wanted to go so.....she twisted my arm :) and I went!  I cant get enough!!! 

Keep in mind that I am not the kind of person to OBSESS about anything!  I rarely cry at movies and NEVER see a movie more than once...let alone 3 times in less than a week!  I cant figure it out but I have little appetite (dont worry..I'm overweight by 75 lbs :)) I find myself either crying or smiling and not much in between!  I posted this on this link because I have been scanning them all week and I guess I just feel like you guys are the only ones that can really understand what I am feeling...what is it?  What should I do???
Hello, rmbahr!  Welcome to the forum.

I sure do understand what you have been experiencing.

I'm a hetero guy married for 29 years and with two great kids.  BBM haunted me for weeks.  I slipped out and saw it for the 12th time last week.  I've been playing the soundtrack CD in my truck over and over and over and over.

I'm coming out of the obsession now.  Being able to post on this forum has helped enormously.

I think there is something big and important happening here and BBM is acting as a catalyst that is kicking the change into high gear.

Here's the best I've been able to make of this to date:

The ultimate failure of Jack and Ennis to avoid the tragedy of their lives is kicking the rest of us in the butt.  We are called upon, by our own sense of survival, to turn and face those factors in our own lives that might lead us to any similar tragedy.  Even if whatever it is is really hard to face.

Maybe the curse of BBM is that a person will remain obsessed and confused until whatever got sparked by BBM, way down deep, is brought up to the surface and is faced head on.

The reward at the end of all this is the possibility of a life with genuine love in it, and an understanding of how to make it all work.

I wish you the very best in finding that for yourself.  You have friends here.

CORFES

Offline BillKCMO

  • Experienced
  • ***
  • Posts: 119
Re: Audience, Friends and Family Reactions to the Movie
« Reply #475 on: February 04, 2006, 09:52:01 PM »
That's one heck of a post, DFWRichNYC.  Fascinating to read.

CORFES:  That's awesome.  I am especially touched when straight males are touched by BBM.  We all have souls, hearts, histories, pain, and finite time in common...

Offline jack

  • Tough Old Bird
  • Obsessed
  • *****
  • Posts: 13967
  • aloha y'all...
    • My Adventures In Paradise
Re: Audience, Friends and Family Reactions to the Movie
« Reply #476 on: February 05, 2006, 06:26:08 AM »

Hello, rmbahr!  Welcome to the forum.
I sure do understand what you have been experiencing.

I'm a hetero guy married for 29 years and with two great kids.  BBM haunted me for weeks.  I slipped out and saw it for the 12th time last week.  I've been playing the soundtrack CD in my truck over and over and over and over.

I'm coming out of the obsession now.  Being able to post on this forum has helped enormously.

I think there is something big and important happening here and BBM is acting as a catalyst that is kicking the change into high gear.

Here's the best I've been able to make of this to date:

The ultimate failure of Jack and Ennis to avoid the tragedy of their lives is kicking the rest of us in the butt.  We are called upon, by our own sense of survival, to turn and face those factors in our own lives that might lead us to any similar tragedy.  Even if whatever it is is really hard to face.

Maybe the curse of BBM is that a person will remain obsessed and confused until whatever got sparked by BBM, way down deep, is brought up to the surface and is faced head on.

The reward at the end of all this is the possibility of a life with genuine love in it, and an understanding of how to make it all work.

I wish you the very best in finding that for yourself.  You have friends here.

CORFES

you certainly seem to have found your sea legs in here, corfes, lol :D

jack
"through Seneca Falls, and Selma, and Stonewall..."

Offline rmbahr

  • Getting Acquainted
  • *
  • Posts: 17
Re: Audience, Friends and Family Reactions to the Movie
« Reply #477 on: February 05, 2006, 06:51:36 AM »


The ultimate failure of Jack and Ennis to avoid the tragedy of their lives is kicking the rest of us in the butt.  We are called upon, by our own sense of survival, to turn and face those factors in our own lives that might lead us to any similar tragedy.  Even if whatever it is is really hard to face.

Maybe the curse of BBM is that a person will remain obsessed and confused until whatever got sparked by BBM, way down deep, is brought up to the surface and is faced head on.

The reward at the end of all this is the possibility of a life with genuine love in it, and an understanding of how to make it all work.

I wish you the very best in finding that for yourself.  You have friends here.

CORFES
Quote

Well THANKS corfes!!!  That really helps me put things together.  Wonder how long it will take to dig that stuff up from way down deep that got sparked?  I am still very confusedabout this whole thing and am really starting to get to know myself in a completely different light.  I look in the mirror and say "who are you?  What have you done with the person I have known for 38 years!! and why are you doing this to me now?"  I know it sounds crazy :-\

I have come to accept it a little better and appreciate all of your comments here.  Just knowing that I have friends here that can RELATE is comforting...I dont reveal anything I've said on here to people in my "real" life....they just dont get it.  Thanks for getting my mind going again...someday I know "It" will come.

RolandC

  • Guest
Re: Audience, Friends and Family Reactions to the Movie
« Reply #478 on: February 05, 2006, 08:04:20 AM »

Well THANKS corfes!!!  That really helps me put things together.  Wonder how long it will take to dig that stuff up from way down deep that got sparked?  I am still very confusedabout this whole thing and am really starting to get to know myself in a completely different light.  I look in the mirror and say "who are you?  What have you done with the person I have known for 38 years!! and why are you doing this to me now?"  I know it sounds crazy :-\

I have come to accept it a little better and appreciate all of your comments here.  Just knowing that I have friends here that can RELATE is comforting...I dont reveal anything I've said on here to people in my "real" life....they just dont get it.  Thanks for getting my mind going again...someday I know "It" will come.

I know exactly where you're coming from, my friend. After seeing the film I myself have looked in the mirror and wondered how a film can completely shatter all the walls I have put up around myself.

At 46, I really thought I was done, that my life was pretty much mapped out for me -- get up, go to work, come back home, have dinner, sit at the computer unti I was just about to fall asleep, go to bed, do the whole routine again the next day.

But after seeing this film, I realized that I was not living, just existing. It took a while for it to sink in, but I know there has just got to be something more out there for me, to leave myself open to new adventures and new experiences. After all, what I've been currently doing has not been working, since at the end of the day I'm still sleeping single in a double bed.

And I won't lie to you -- the hardest part of the day is the night. I turn out the light, settle into bed...and all the images from the film come into my mind like if a dam had burst. That part is tough.  :'(
« Last Edit: February 05, 2006, 08:10:10 AM by RolandC »

Offline PetterG

  • Obsessed
  • *****
  • Posts: 924
Re: Audience, Friends and Family Reactions to the Movie
« Reply #479 on: February 05, 2006, 08:23:28 AM »
But after seeing this film, I realized that I was not living, just existing. It took a while for it to sink in, but I know there has just got to be something more out there for me, to leave myself open to new adventures and new experiences. After all, what I've been currently doing has not been working, since at the end of the day I'm still sleeping single in a double bed.

Exactly my reaction too - I'm just existing - just like I fear that Ennis will be for the rest of his life  :'(

And the hard thing is to not stop there, just  :'( for your self and the situation, but to be able to really do something, to take some steps in a new direction and not end up in the Ennis-life I'm living

Now I understand why I have been so 'upset' about Ennis fate in the end of the movie - I'm not  :'( so much for him as for me

Please give me some 'manual' on how I can change my life
if you cannot fix it - you've gotta stand it
if you cannot stand it - you gotta fix it