Reactions to Brokeback by friends, family & audiences

[EnnisAndJack4ever]

Keep in mind that I am not the kind of person to OBSESS about anything!  I rarely cry at movies and NEVER see a movie more than once...let alone 3 times in less than a week! "

Oh you're definitely one of us. Never cried about a movie before, and this time I even started crying for a month leading up to the release of the movie, just thinking about the story (and I still haven't read the short story). Another new experience for me is having a crush on an actor. I've thought various actors were sexy before, but I've never had a true crush on one before. But that's certainly how I feel about Heath Ledger, show me a new quote where he says nice things about gay people, and it'll make me weep. I'm like isn't he nicest guy in world, and start singing "Heathie Angel, how I love him" in my head. I figure it's got to be emotionally healthy, and therapeutic, to cry. So I think I owe it to myself to keep going back to the various triggers about Heath and the story that make me cry. There's got to be something therapeutic in it for me.

[lektronnorth]

I'm a hetero guy married for 29 years and with two great kids.  BBM haunted me for weeks.  I slipped out and saw it for the 12th time last week.  I've been playing the soundtrack CD in my truck over and over and over and over.

I'm coming out of the obsession now.  Being able to post on this forum has helped enormously.

I think there is something big and important happening here and BBM is acting as a catalyst that is kicking the change into high gear.

Here's the best I've been able to make of this to date:

The ultimate failure of Jack and Ennis to avoid the tragedy of their lives is kicking the rest of us in the butt.  We are called upon, by our own sense of survival, to turn and face those factors in our own lives that might lead us to any similar tragedy.  Even if whatever it is is really hard to face.

Maybe the curse of BBM is that a person will remain obsessed and confused until whatever got sparked by BBM, way down deep, is brought up to the surface and is faced head on.

The reward at the end of all this is the possibility of a life with genuine love in it, and an understanding of how to make it all work.

I wish you the very best in finding that for yourself.  You have friends here.

CORFES

I think that's a very perceptive remark, especially, if you'll forgive me, from a straight guy.  It seems the more emotional baggage from the past that we've bunged in a box and shut the lid tightly on, the more this affects us. I still cry almost unprompted just thinking about it. I guess older people (I'm 52) are more affected than younger, because of the years, and being nearer to the time the movie is set in.  But one of the most perceptive posters on here turns out to be 19, so some people get it, whatever.

People have been wondering about closure. I'm not sure there is going to be complete closure for me until I a) find my soulmate, and b) hold him as close as the two shirts are. A lot of work in progress. But BBM has made me make a start, at least. For that Ang Lee is now a major hero in my life.

[RolandC]

Please give me some manual on how I can change my life

PetterG,

Ah, if life came with an instruction manual, how simple would everything be. Unfortunately, life's experiences are mostly based on trial and error. If something doesn't work you either repeat what you're doing until maybe you'll get a different result or try something completely new.

A few days ago, I read something from syndicated advice columnist "Dear Abby." Usually I skim through it just to see what issues other people are going through, the answers that are given, and if what was going on applied to me. Usually the answer to the last parts was "no". But ever since BBM, I've looked for suggestions on what I can do to find my own "Love That Will Never Grow Old". This was written in the column for February 1st:

Simply put, decent people are found where decent people gather. You will never meet anyone sitting at home, so get out of the house and become involved. Enroll in an adult education class. Volunteer your services. Get involved with your church or a civic group. Join a political party and volunteer to help at a polling station. (You'll meet everyone in your district!) Join a professional organization.
You may not meet "the one" right away, but you'll make new friends -- and one of them may have a friend who's perfect.

I'll even add to that -- "find those who feel that "Brokeback Mountain" is much more than 'just' a film. By finding someone who likewise has been affected by what the film has to offer, you already have something magical in common. I'm certain that there are people in your area who have come away from the film with similar feelings as yourself and are looking to reach out and connect.

Please keep us posted. I'm sure I speak for everyone here when I wish nothing but success for you in your search.

[WLAGuy]

Hello, rmbahr!  Welcome to the forum.

I sure do understand what you have been experiencing.

I'm a hetero guy married for 29 years and with two great kids.  BBM haunted me for weeks.  I slipped out and saw it for the 12th time last week.  I've been playing the soundtrack CD in my truck over and over and over and over.

I'm coming out of the obsession now.  Being able to post on this forum has helped enormously.

I think there is something big and important happening here and BBM is acting as a catalyst that is kicking the change into high gear.

Here's the best I've been able to make of this to date:

The ultimate failure of Jack and Ennis to avoid the tragedy of their lives is kicking the rest of us in the butt.  We are called upon, by our own sense of survival, to turn and face those factors in our own lives that might lead us to any similar tragedy.  Even if whatever it is is really hard to face.

Maybe the curse of BBM is that a person will remain obsessed and confused until whatever got sparked by BBM, way down deep, is brought up to the surface and is faced head on.

The reward at the end of all this is the possibility of a life with genuine love in it, and an understanding of how to make it all work.

I wish you the very best in finding that for yourself.  You have friends here.

CORFES

Wow, CORFES, are you really sure you're straight?  I didn't think straight guys could be so perceptive!  Just kidding, of course.  That was beautifully written. 

[Boris]

Dear Corfes:

"The ultimate failure of Jack and Ennis to avoid the tragedy of their lives is kicking the rest of us in the butt.  We are called upon, by our own sense of survival, to turn and face those factors in our own lives that might lead us to any similar tragedy.  Even if whatever it is is really hard to face.

Maybe the curse of BBM is that a person will remain obsessed and confused until whatever got sparked by BBM, way down deep, is brought up to the surface and is faced head on.

The reward at the end of all this is the possibility of a life with genuine love in it, and an understanding of how to make it all work."

You words resonate so strongly with what I am going through right now. BBM touched and woke up the "balrog" (remember LOTR?) inside of me. The feelings and need I had suppressed and hoped that would eventually die, my procrastination would make them moot, that my complacency would make me "moderately happy". I have realized during this weekend that it is not possible.

I visited my father in hospital. He is 67, has been healthy as an ox and out of the blue he got serious cardiac condition and they had to make a bypass surgery. My father whom I hated when I was a young teen. My father who has become in a my eyes and heart a man to be a man to be admired and respected when I finally grew up. He was ill for the first time in his life and it was really serious. The surgery went well and yesterday when I was leaving hospital to catch my plane he held me close and whispered:

"Thank you for being my son. You aren't yet what you can be and what you will be".

He knew what I was going through without me telling him. Even from his own discomfort and weariness after the surgery, he knew... He is a wise man. It is in a way sad that we learned to appreciate each other only after I was way over thirty. I think that after I finally came out, I actually became a man in his eyes. A man with my own footing. He has always loved me and been there for me in his silent manner.

The only problem here is that I do not know what I can be and what will I be. But they are just details. The main thing is that I believed him.

[mynamesclara]

Dear Corfes:

"The ultimate failure of Jack and Ennis to avoid the tragedy of their lives is kicking the rest of us in the butt.  We are called upon, by our own sense of survival, to turn and face those factors in our own lives that might lead us to any similar tragedy.  Even if whatever it is is really hard to face.

Maybe the curse of BBM is that a person will remain obsessed and confused until whatever got sparked by BBM, way down deep, is brought up to the surface and is faced head on.

The reward at the end of all this is the possibility of a life with genuine love in it, and an understanding of how to make it all work."

You words resonate so strongly with what I am going through right now. BBM touched and woke up the "balrog" (remember LOTR?) inside of me. The feelings and need I had suppressed and hoped that would eventually die, my procrastination would make them moot, that my complacency would make me "moderately happy". I have realized during this weekend that it is not possible.

I visited my father in hospital. He is 67, has been healthy as an ox and out of the blue he got serious cardiac condition and they had to make a bypass surgery. My father whom I hated when I was a young teen. My father who has become in a my eyes and heart a man to be a man to be admired and respected when I finally grew up. He was ill for the first time in his life and it was really serious. The surgery went well and yesterday when I was leaving hospital to catch my plane he held me close and whispered:

"Thank you for being my son. You aren't yet what you can be and what you will be".

He knew what I was going through without me telling him. Even from his own discomfort and weariness after the surgery, he knew... He is a wise man. It is in a way sad that we learned to appreciate each other only after I was way over thirty. I think that after I finally came out, I actually became a man in his eyes. A man with my own footing. He has always loved me and been there for me in his silent manner.

The only problem here is that I do not know what I can be and what will I be. But they are just details. The main thing is that I believed him.

"There is something big and important happening here and BBM is acting as a catalyst....."
I think CORFES uses the most appropriate words to describe what's happening here.....

Anyway...it was really easy for me to write down what happened when I saw the movie,but that was just technical description that anybody can share..I noticed that there's a section about how BBM effected your life...personally...but I thought I was finished by telling how people reacted and so on....i thought that it was over...until I read this....

I really can't believe this....really.......
We are so so distant but at the same time so close,you can't even imagine....

I'm 24 and my father,who like yours had always been healthy as an ox,suddenly drop ill.
He died two mounts ago at 67....
I knew that there was something wrong with him but nobody could ever imagine that he'd die in 3 days....
I was abroad, so during the weekend I couldn't find a flight for the day after so I had to wait two days...
in the meanwhile he was gone....So I didn't have the chance to say him goodbye,or something.
Like you I used to hate him....we didn't talk much,we didn't have a thing in common,we had always been very cold-hearted
and distant towards each other,we knew we loved each other but never managed to say a word.
We are very tough people,myself included, I still have to shed a tear for him,but my own way
I kind of "swear" something too. I don't know what....that's crazy....
He died whispering my name,not my mum's, but mine. He said that he wanted to visit me in Paris
cos it was time to spent some time with his smart daughter...
I'll always regret for both of us a life of silences,unspoken words,and hard unexpressed feelings.

While writing this I'm still very confused,I don't know if your real name is Boris
but my brother's name is actually Boris, so you can only imagine how shocked I was reading your post....
Ironic how we share the same story,same numbers and names,only the ending is different....
Clara.

[JPdavid]

Hey all,

Here's a hilarious account about how a reluctant husband finally got to see BBM...

http://www.insidebayarea.com/bayarealiving/ci_3475964

I especially love the last bit....

"...When the husband finally got out of his and went to the movie, he found the theater had a sense of humor about it. Not only did the marquee spell out in block letters, "Brokeback Mountain," but in smaller ones was a tongue-in-cheek tribute to director Lee that added, "Crouching Cowboy, Hidden Love."

And in the lobby? An actual pup tent. With two sets of cowboy boots outside. Right next to the concession stand.

Even the husband smiled. "

Cheers!

JP

P.S.  I am attending the premier in Singapore this Wednesday! Will let u guys know how it goes.

[Cowboy Dave]

The "breeder" label turns my stomach partly because women have through the centuries been reduced to their biology, as if the only thing they're good for is baby-making.

Cara - a belated lighter response. I agree the "breeder" retort is just trading barbs in a Junior High sorta way, although it
is often used in a campy sort of way with no intended malice. I wouldn't take it in a misogynist way, because it is said
to straight men and women alike.

Lately, my gay partner and I have enjoyed telling our gay friends that we're in the process of becoming "breeders!" 
This has nothing to do with sexual orientation but is intended as a segue into a discussion about our developing life with Alaskan
Malamutes!

[Boris]

Dear Clara

First of all, I am deeply, deeply sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. I know (somewhat) what you are going through. My mother passed away suddenly 25 years ago and still I mourn that I never said truly what she meant to me. I can only pray that she knew. My father seems to have known even though I have not been very capable of expressing it.

My father is recovering fine now but his illness made me realize (with BBM) some basic realities of life. There is not time. You never know when it is too late to say, to touch, to hug, to express love and devotion. I lost my mother before I could say that, I almost lost my father before I could say that. My late grandmother once said (when my mother died) that "loss is partly imaginary. You never lose her as long as you remember her and cherish her memory. Probably that is why the last scene of BBM has so profound effect on me.

I sincerely believe that your father loved you and you were important to him. After all you were his "smart daughter"...

I regret the words I have said to my father, the years of uncommunication, silence, sulking and distrust. I have had a possibility to live past those times, but still the memory of my behavior haunts me. My father has said that when I was a child and especially when I reached puberty and finally moved out of home, it was like "raising an alien". We couldn't talk about anything without a fight and we ended talking altogether.

When I came out as a gay man to him when I was past thirty, he was stunned. He had known it all those years, but still he kind of retreated and I felt really hurt. We had already taken steps to make amends and he did the same thing again. Became silent, brooding, noncommunicative.

After a couple of years he finally told me that it wasn't a question of disapproval or lack of love. He said that the only thing he wants for his children is that they become happy. He didn't believe that being happy and content is possible if you are gay. He felt sorry for me, not angry. It took him some time and lots of courage to tell me that. He felt pain for me because he was afraid that I will never find happiness in my life if I am gay. And somehow we both managed not to communicate this to one another. I thought that he hated or at least disapproved of me. He thought that I had "flaunted" my homosexuality to him and them clamped shut in order to insult him... and not give him even a chance to explain what he felt.

Boy, aren't being Ennis hereditary or what.

Clara, you know your father loved you. The love he felt when he first held you in his arms never went away, even though you weren't good in communicating with each other. And after all it is all that counts.

And Boris is a nickname my father gave to me when I was a little boy. But that is another story altogether.

[Tony]

This is a great article about a straight guy reluctant to watch BBM.  At the end... see what happened!

"After lots of bucking, a bronco agrees to give 'Brokeback' a shot"
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/02/04/DDGD1H234P1.DTL

[terry]

  Clara, you have my sympathies as well.  It just goes to show you that this film has had such a profound effect on all of us.  God bless.

[rjc]

Please give me some manual on how I can change my life

I'll even add to that -- "find those who feel that "Brokeback Mountain" is much more than 'just' a film. By finding someone who likewise has been affected by what the film has to offer, you already have something magical in common. I'm certain that there are people in your area who have come away from the film with similar feelings as yourself and are looking to reach out and connect.

Please keep us posted. I'm sure I speak for everyone here when I wish nothing but success for you in your search.

Thank's for the suggestion, RolandC. I've been trying to connect with folks on this forum individually as well as collectively. I've been successful with the latter, but not so with the former. Other than one or two pen pals I've made (which I value very highly), I haven't "met" someone whose hand I could shake. To that end, I would love it if those of you in the Seattle area who have been deeply affected by BBM and are interested in making a new friend, get in touch with me.

I've seen the movie five times now and each time alone, and it would be wonderful to see it the next five times with a companion.

-r

[cyoung]

So this morning, my younger brother (40) sent me, my siblings, & my father an e-mail with a link to the Top Gun Brokeback spoof. My brother loved Top Gun so much he eventually became a pilot and joined the navy, hoping to fly (didn't work out, but that's another story entirely). Anyway, I thought the spoof was funny and well-done. I never fully realized until now how much homoerotic content there is in these male buddy movies!

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2643835654848098127

So I asked my brother if he'd seen the actual movie yet. (He's heterosexual, married, with his wife expecting their first child.) Here was his reply:

"I'm scared if I see it I might turn gay (or gayer than I already am)."

I told him to just go see the damn movie already!

The way straight men are reacting to this movie is just so fascinating to me.

Cara

[Cowboy Dave]

I never fully realized until now how much homoerotic content there is in these male buddy movies!

Cara - some of us did!!!!!! 

And now this:
http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/Movies/02/07/film.brokeback.humor.ap/index.html

[captaincroc]

Right then, where do i start, well i should start with thanking Dave cullen for this FANTASTIC, yes FANTASTIC fan page, (met him on FMF when he was defending this film).  I have spent about 8 hours on this page (at diffrent times i may add)  reading as many posts in full and throughly as i can. Ive only read, this one, Jacks death and Oprah. 3, there that long and detailed that I'm addicted and have about 60 more threads to read, i think its going to be a long night.

Anyways Ive read every page of this thread and I'm SO happy that i have found people like me, touched by a film SO deeply, the ONLY film EVER to have done that. I agree with most peoples opinions here, at first i thought i was on my own when i felt haunted by the movie for days, i got the soundtrack, and been listening to that constantly, been looking on the internet for any bit of info on it.  I have no seen it 5 times, all of which has been naughty watched at home but slightly illegal DVD, only because my home town didn't have the film.  Well until now as it came this week, so  I'm watching it (6th time) for the first time at the cinema tomorrow and i cant wait

Like many people say, its so hard to describe the the film touches you, i really do believe they are real people and Grieved immensely for jack (i feel embarrassed typing it), It was all i could think about for days. I didn't cry the first time, but each time i seen it i cry more , because i appreciate the happy scenes and that gets me sad, when the guitars twangs those notes it always brings a tear to me eye. The Wings just moves me close to tears within the first few seconds.  Now again as most people i ain't some nervous reck as i never cry at films but this one touched me in a way i cant describe.  I thought i was bad watching it 5 times but some of you eclipse me by far  , not that it is bad, its just good that I'm not the only one.

I sound like a record but what you guys have posted in virtually a carbon copy of how i feel. Everything about the movie is perfect, and i really do think it will change minds and peoples perceptions , especially over the years when its released on DVD and on TV. Ive also been a walking, talking advertisement for it to anyone that will listen.  I sing as part of my job and i REALLY want to sing a song off brokeback, any ideas?

My main point i think I'm going to make is that over the times that Ive watched it i feel less depressed and crushed about the story, don't get me wrong its still absolutely Heart wrenching sad, i really know what people mean when they say its like you have been kicked in the guts!, But over views i just thank my lucky stars and makes me appreciate that even though things aint perfect and a lot of attitudes need to be changed, that we live in a lot better time now. The final, final point as well is that it restores my faith in love as such, not that Ive been hurt but the love between then was timeless and it gives me hope that my ennis or jack (on face value ennis ) will eventually find me! And if and hopefully i do, i will never let anthing come between us

Looking back over my post i have gone on a random warble but i think most things I'm thinking have been said so these are my added points!

again THANKS to everyone for a fantastic board and  community!

p.s anyone else got the brokeback screensaver etc from the Official site  , please say i aint the only one!!