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Author Topic: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery  (Read 188301 times)

Offline bass51

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #150 on: November 20, 2006, 11:55:51 PM »
Okay...masculine jocks...well, this will run directly counter to what I was saying earlier about revenge, but I'm recounting what happened in the past.

I had to put up with a lot of this nonsense.  I had people asking me if I was 'queer' or 'a fag' from about age 14.  By this time I was starting to get P.O.ed, however.  So one particular time, when one of the bullies took exception to me and thought he was going to attack me he put me in a headlock.  Bad move.  I wonder if he was ever able to have children....and when he fell on the ground from the pain after I grabbed and twisted I started kicking him in the head and ribs [have I mentioned they told me I fought like a girl?].  They had to pull me off him.  He never bothered me again.

I did the same thing to one of the football players too - I got something of a reputation for 'fighting dirty'.  But they gave me a wide berth and left me alone till I moved away.

Love it, the classic K.E. story... if you have to fight, don't let 'em know you're comin', fight hard, and be determined to win....at any cost!
Honesty is such a lonely word...

Offline bass51

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #151 on: November 20, 2006, 11:59:08 PM »
I beg to differ, (((Michael))).  Self defense is not revenge.  Hindsight, always being 20/20, tells me I should have kicked a** then & there, and to hell with taking names.

Good point - and it worked.  Bashing on the street are different - oftentimes the people involved were in vehicles, which changes everything.

But on the other hand - have you ever heard of this book 'The Gift of Fear'?  I think he makes some good points too.

http://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Gavin-Becker/dp/0440226198/sr=8-2/qid=1164090667/ref=pd_bbs_2/104-0367235-7614373?ie=UTF8&s=books

Sometimes the best defense is getting the he** out of there!
Isn't that how the animal kingdom works? Run first, get the hell away, out of fear, and fight last, only when cornered, but with only one goal - to win.
Honesty is such a lonely word...

Offline gnash

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #152 on: November 21, 2006, 03:55:54 AM »
hi melissa, thanks for the hugs :) :) :)  you know, when i read your affected me story i remembered your tears in texas and i got all teary eyed again...!!!   it was like you were standing there telling it to me. hugs back a zillion back to you...  we are ALL such brave souls, methinks, in the long run, we each will feel all the pain and joy that is imaginable.  :-\ :)

michael,  girls fight better than the boys, more fun to watch anyway.. ::) ;)     gosh, i never got in a campus fight after elementary school, thank goodness. did get beat up alot by my sister tho, until puberty struck and BANG i shot up to nearly six feet, to her five four. things changed drastically after that, the bitch left me alone (well, she was).  my sister had the same turbulent childhood i did, but three years older meant she suffered at the hands of my father earlier. so she was a big mess in high school. he realllly tore into her, so i can't blame her for her rage toward me, since she couldn't lash out at HIM or mother.  if i was emotionally stronger, or had known what to do, i would have hugged her and fought against him together, but it didn't turn out that way. :X...

anyway, she threw knives at me once -- ugh. one hit me in the leg in the upper thigh, i still have the scar. not much to do but run, when somebody is doing that!

"Brokeback is about a lost paradise, an Eden."  – Ang Lee


Offline ChrisW

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #153 on: November 21, 2006, 03:10:38 PM »


and glenn, for that link on abusive relationships.... you know how they say that daughters sometimes go on to marry their fathers? or men like their fathers?

yes Jimmy they do, and when I listen to my husband of 36 years play the piano I always think of that, it is such a positive memory of my dad, you are SO brave to have found such a life-affirming way out of your own awful situation, massive hugs to you (((((JIMMY))))) and all the other astonishingly brave folks who have so triumphantly survived, lived to tell the tale and are a lesson to us all. I am so proud to have 'met' you all. Chris

Offline gnash

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #154 on: November 22, 2006, 12:38:17 AM »
... when I listen to my husband of 36 years play the piano I always think of that, it is such a positive memory of my dad...

that is such a nice image! and fortunate!  hmm. i guess i married my father-in-law -- d is so much like his dad, the more i get to know his father, the more i see the beauty in their similarities... i love the both, and his brother too. his family, my new family, more than makes up for what my own family lacked. so you see, i do see my angels through the clouds.

PS: they ride on chariots, with wheels of many colors. ;)

"Brokeback is about a lost paradise, an Eden."  – Ang Lee


Offline ChrisW

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #155 on: November 22, 2006, 12:51:05 PM »
The 12/5/06 issue of 'The Advocate' has an article titled 'Demanding Healthy Love', which speaks about gay/lesbian partner abuse.  The article can be read online at:

http://www.advocate.com/currentstory1_w.asp?id=39543
Thanks Glenn, it all sounds too horribly familiar already, and makes me so happy that you and others have a place to share these stories, which you may well have felt before now that no-one could really understand or perhaps even believe. It's been a real eye-opener for me. Everyone should know where the escape hatches are and when to use them. This all reminds me of the womens movement years ago when, again, initially people were just shocked, and then the climate changed so that everyone knew it was definitely not OK to beat up your partner, and that criminal proceedings would normally result, with children being taken into care. These days people understand much better that the victims weren't 'asking for it', but just didn't know how to change things or how to get out. Very often they were escaping from a bad home situation too.

- and Jimmy, that is so good to hear, it's really heartwarming that you can feel like this, if you can do it, that must give hope to others. Founding a family is a basic human right, especially ones which include angels :)

Hugs to you all, Chris
« Last Edit: November 22, 2006, 01:19:35 PM by montezumae »

Offline Elevation

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #156 on: November 22, 2006, 12:59:04 PM »
thankyou so much to everyone who has posted their survival story here.
...i'm stuggling myself right now with putting together my own, inspired especially by this quote by Jackie in her post:
Quote from: paintedshoes
so many of us hurt in so many ways, yet the pain is the same:  the denial of self becomes the price of survival


during this "brokeback year", dircetly linked to the impact of the film and meeting so many of you at the BBQ, is the literal and very positive transformation that my life is now facing... but the price has been so high like for all of us and I'd like to share in what ways I survived and what the price was
 RL is busy (and sleep-deprivated!) so hopefully by the weekend if not sooner... I miss you all, so in the meantime, a ((((((big big hug to y'all)))) until.
Well there's a bridge and there's a river that I still must cross...

Offline mcnell1120

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #157 on: November 22, 2006, 01:14:16 PM »
thankyou so much to everyone who has posted their survival story here.
...i'm stuggling myself right now with putting together my own, inspired especially by this quote by Jackie in her post:
Quote from: paintedshoes
so many of us hurt in so many ways, yet the pain is the same: the denial of self becomes the price of survival


during this "brokeback year", dircetly linked to the impact of the film and meeting so many of you at the BBQ, is the literal and very positive transformation that my life is now facing... but the price has been so high like for all of us and I'd like to share in what ways I survived and what the price was
 RL is busy (and sleep-deprivated!) so hopefully by the weekend if not sooner... I miss you all, so in the meantime, a ((((((big big hug to y'all)))) until.

(((Hugs))) to you Elvan...

Nellie  :-*
RICKY MARTIN ,tu eres mi Kiki !

Offline fritzkep

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #158 on: November 22, 2006, 01:31:09 PM »
Yes ((((((((((((ELVAN))))))))))))), whenever you feel the time is right.

Werd ich zum Augenblicke sagen, "Verweile doch! Du bist so schön..."

Offline michaelflanagansf

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #159 on: November 22, 2006, 01:33:41 PM »
Elvan my friend - so nice to see you.  We will be glad to hear from you whenever you're ready.

mf
Unlimited tolerance must lead to the disappearance of tolerance. If we extend unlimited tolerance even to those who are intolerant, if we are not prepared to defend a tolerant society against the onslaught of the intolerant, then the tolerant will be destroyed, and tolerance with them. - Karl R. Popper

Online CellarDweller115

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #160 on: November 22, 2006, 04:53:14 PM »
Elvan, it is good to see you here!

As for sharing your story, only when you are ready......don't rush yourself.  Just remember, this is a safe haven, and we are all here for each other.

The stories may not be exactly the same, but they all have a common theme.  We've all had some type of pain or abuse put upon us, and we all survived it to become loving, productive human beings.

Offline conny

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #161 on: November 22, 2006, 09:22:01 PM »
Elvan sweety,so proud of you already and you can dot it!!!!!
"we are one,but we are not the same"   U2

Offline BrokenOkie

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #162 on: November 22, 2006, 11:55:42 PM »
Welcome aboard, (((Elvan))).  We're here to listen anytime you need to talk.


And, for (((Everybody))).....


Offline gnash

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #163 on: November 23, 2006, 07:45:08 AM »
a happy thanksgiving to you glenn, and to everybody!

hey elvan!!  :)

"Brokeback is about a lost paradise, an Eden."  – Ang Lee


Online CellarDweller115

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #164 on: November 23, 2006, 01:19:59 PM »
This link was originally posted in "Auntie's 24 Hour Diner" by Hasse.

I felt it fit here, and with his permission, I've quoted him to bring it here.


I'm sure you've all seen this amazing BBM video before!  :'(


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sfln-GJ2D6E