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Author Topic: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery  (Read 188286 times)

Offline jnov

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #195 on: December 23, 2006, 01:36:38 AM »
thanks glenn.   :)

and now: fixing my quotes.  how do you DO that?  i swear i can't figure it out.   ???

Offline Brokeback_1

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #196 on: December 23, 2006, 01:47:41 AM »
No Beth, not yet--as a matter of fact we are still snowbound in  Colorado, can't get out until late Christmas Eve....and i am very glad you are here.

Jack
There was some open space between what he knew and what he tried to believe but nothing could be done about it, & if you can't fix it, you've got to stand it

Offline jnov

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #197 on: December 23, 2006, 09:15:51 AM »
i just finished reading through this thread and i am speechless with wonder and awe.

because i am filled with hope.

those probably sound like strange words after i just read stories of horror and cruelty.  but what fills me with hope is the amazing goodness in all of you. 

the evilness of this world did its best to make each of you its own and every single one of you steadfastly refused.  every single one of you refused to give in to the evil, refused to continue the cycle of hate and destruction.

and it fills me with hope for our world. 

love always wins in the end.  ALWAYS.

but it tends to be quiet and soft and unobtrusive.  so people think it is weak.  but it is stronger than any evil out there.  and you have all consciously chosen to be part of the creative energy of this world.

so thank you for that. 

really.  thank you.

Offline jnov

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #198 on: December 23, 2006, 10:06:51 AM »
so now i've done the "love is the greatest thing" thing.  (which by the way i completely believe in.  it is my religion.)

but you want to know what really pisses me off?!

all of this.  all of this really pisses me off.

all of the cruelty, all the unnecessary hatred, hurtfulness and harm.

i mean, if people don't want kids then don't have kids.  that's fine.  but if you have kids, DON'T FUCKING HURT THEM.

the world will never be a perfect place.  i get that.  really i do.  accidents will happen.  disease will continue.  there will always be people with less money, less opportunities, less food on their tables.

but is it really necessary to add INTENTIONAL destruction to the agenda?

i was ranting to a friend of mine about how much i hate intolerant people.  and she, because she is a good person, gently told me that by hating intolerant people i was being intolerant.  and i said I DON'T CARE.

(and then i said: fine god damn it i'll be tolerant of the god damn intolerant people but i don't have to like them while i do it!) 
(i can be so open and loving sometimes.  ::))

i mean really, i feel the waste of so much amazing potential.  just think of what our world could be like today if people would just stop being intentionally cruel to other people.  okay, i am even willing to let adults be cruel to other adults.  but only if they were all treated well as children!

shouldn't children be protected? children should be loved.  all that incredible potential just waiting.

and the friggin pain.  it pisses me off.  all the pain in little bodies that shouldn't have to feel it, don't know how to deal with it, don't understand why it is happening to them.   and most kids (all kids) think it is their fault. 

great, now i've managed to depress myself. 

ya know, we were having a conversation about jack and how he feels worthless.  and someone said yeah but jack was just pissed on by his father, ennis was made to see a horrible murdered body.  and i thought:  JUST pissed on?  what the fuck?  feeling worthless is no big deal?  feeling like you have no worth as a human being is nothing?  feeling like you are damned, literally, and your soul is black and you are going to hell, LITERALLY, is no big deal?

(absolutely NOT throwing bad thoughts toward the person who said this.  the way i phrased it above is i am sure NOT what that person meant or was trying to imply.  it was my read only because of my particular background.)

when i was a freshman in college i used to walk back to my dorm after class saying out loud (but under my breath, wouldn't want other people to hear) over and over: i don't want to be dead, i just don't want to be this unhappy.

but i figured it was all i deserved. 

okay, back to the anger now.  so much easier to be angry than depressed.  although i do depression a lot better than anger.  we women are not supposed to be angry.  no, no, be the nice polite little girl.  go to church and pray.

i remember the nuns taught us about JOY.  we were to always remember it.  first Jesus, then Others and Yourself last.  its such a great word and such a great emotion and they almost ruined it for me.  luckily i took it back from them.  now i love joy. 

okay, enough ranting for one night.

peace and joy to you all.  blessed be.

beth

Offline CellarDweller115

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #199 on: December 23, 2006, 10:07:09 AM »
I'm so glad that our stories have touched you, just as yours has touched ours.

Be assured that others will be reading your story, and even if they choose not to share their own, you have helped them by letting them see they are not alone in their pain, and that recovery and a positive outlook are possible!

Offline gres

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #200 on: December 23, 2006, 10:07:09 AM »
Beth, glad you had the courage to push that button and share your story....In a way it sets a part of youself free and makes you feel a whole lot better, i think. I, too have read this thread through and i'm really glad that it exists offering so much support and comfort to  those who need to and i wish and believe some healing can be done here by talking about it and sharing it...Lots of love, my dear...And wish things would be different for all of you and none have had nothing to write in here.
It is me, baby Gres and i'm in bed sleeping...that is why mom is around doing  some foruming  ;D

Offline jnov

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #201 on: December 23, 2006, 10:12:39 AM »
I'm so glad that our stories have touched you, just as yours has touched ours.

Be assured that others will be reading your story, and even if they choose not to share their own, you have helped them by letting them see they are not alone in their pain, and that recovery and a positive outlook are possible!

yeah, when i am not ranting and raving!   :D :D

(hi gres!)

Offline BrokenOkie

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #202 on: December 23, 2006, 12:36:38 PM »
Christmas Hugs for Everyone!



Offline Brokeback_1

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #203 on: December 23, 2006, 12:51:40 PM »
rant all you need to rant.
it works
There was some open space between what he knew and what he tried to believe but nothing could be done about it, & if you can't fix it, you've got to stand it

Offline paintedshoes

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #204 on: December 23, 2006, 05:30:55 PM »
Beth, brokeback_1 is right.  Rant all you want.  We have all done it, and it does help.  That said and done...

Merry Christmas, sweet heart (separate words intentional.)  All is well, here on our beloved Forum.  You are with friends.   :-* :-* :-*
"Miracles do happen, dear friend(s).  Miracles are real."- Boris 
"There are only two things we know: the cosmos exists and we are imbedded within the cosmos.  Everything else is speculation and discovery."- Caithness's dad
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Offline jnov

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #205 on: December 23, 2006, 11:00:51 PM »
Beth, glad you had the courage to push that button and share your story....In a way it sets a part of youself free and makes you feel a whole lot better, i think. I, too have read this thread through and i'm really glad that it exists offering so much support and comfort to  those who need to and i wish and believe some healing can be done here by talking about it and sharing it...Lots of love, my dear...And wish things would be different for all of you and none have had nothing to write in here.


this and J&E's C&C!

wouldn't it be nice.   :-[ :)

merry christmas, happy hanuka, happy kwanzaa, selamat hari raya, happy new year.

jack, thanks again for showing me the way here.  i am blessed and awed to be in the company of so many amazing people.  bless you all.

peace and joy,
beth

Offline gres

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #206 on: December 25, 2006, 05:02:10 AM »
this and J&E's C&C!

wouldn't it be nice.   :-[ :)

I haven't been  there, myself but my sister has been...I asked her if it is ok with her to write about it in here and she said go ahead so here it is...She was the reciever of sexual harassment from a close relative (uncle). I can't bring myself to think how this man did what he did. We are a very big and close family...at least this is what we had been taught/how we have been raised....When this happened i was very angry at him and i still am-it's been 10 years since.... I can't possibly imagine how this must have been felt, i mean if i myself am so angry then how much more  angry my sister may feel and the pain and the frustration--as i said we're a very close family and i can't accept how this man did that, to take advantage of....--he spoiled everything and of course we have cut any bonds with him. All those times  i've met him accidentaly i wanted to yell at him and ask him why he did it, what the hell he was thinking....But thank God  my sister is doing ok now and i hope we won't run into him never again in our lives for my sister's sake......
« Last Edit: December 25, 2006, 06:12:41 PM by gres »
It is me, baby Gres and i'm in bed sleeping...that is why mom is around doing  some foruming  ;D

Offline jnov

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #207 on: December 26, 2006, 03:47:54 AM »
hi gres,
your anger is well placed.  i hope your sister can express her anger as well as you do on her behave.  so many times, we direct the anger toward ourselves, thinking "it was all our fault."

but to have a close relationship within your family is so healing AND to have one's family be open about what happened, see it as the trauma it is and then direct the blame toward the abuser is, in my opinion, so supportive.

in my case, as you know, the abuser was within the family but, more damaging, the silence, the secrecy and the actions to protect the abuser.  these actions on the part of my parents were much, much more damaging than the abuse itself for me.

hugs and good thoughts to you, your sister and your whole family.

peace and joy,
beth

Offline mcnell1120

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #208 on: December 31, 2006, 07:58:11 AM »
                           
RICKY MARTIN ,tu eres mi Kiki !

Offline CellarDweller115

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Re: Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery
« Reply #209 on: December 31, 2006, 08:00:44 AM »
For everyone who has posted here (myself included) my wish for us all for the New Year that that we will continue to be open, continue to turn to each other for support and love, and that we will continue to heal.