of course there are never guarantees in life....there you are right. BUT - think about what you want in a partner...is that SO unrealistic that it is IMPOSSIBLE that you'll ever meet a person you could love ? OR - maybe you fell in love already but didn't realize it because you don't "allow" yourself falling in love ?
i think most of the time we ourselves are in our own way when it is about happiness...we all have to get to a point where we love ourselves enough to allow ourselves to be happy.
(wow, that was a tough one )
a tough one and a hard one. Especially because we are all similiar to onions in that there are layers and layers to peel....new emotional situations, new work situations, new friendship situations, all give the aftereffects of our abuse new outlets. You think you are done with it and all of a sudden---KABOOM, it has shown up in a new and bizarre way. It gets exhausting.
I decided I am going into therapy again. Why? I felt so inadequate that yesterday I was snippy all day with my wife. WLAGuy walked and talked me through it all, step by step, with absolute logic. I realised I was snippy because I didn't feel good enough about myself. The bbq emotions brought all this out...and after speaking with Joe, I sat down and apologised to her, told her I'd figured out that I was pushing her away all day, refusing to kiss her because I felt I wasn't good enough to kiss my own wife. In other words she deserved someone better then me, good enough to kiss her.
We had a long talk. She was completely shocked. And completely supportive. Jesus, I asked her if she really wanted to be married to somebody with so much baggage and she almost choked, asked me how could I doubt it...I don't doubt it. I love her crazy. But I also don't feel good/ worthy enough. It is quite nutty.
Well at least I'll deal with it. I was in therapy for abuse years ago; I had an excellent therapist with whom I did a good and very focused job, too.
But this is a new situation, a marriage, a bed, a life partnership. The aftereffects found themselves a new way and a new place to show up. Not for nothing I cannot accept these particular aftereffects, hence the therapy. I should have known something was up---a new something--when I had such abyssmal reactions internally to praise about stories i've written. Same thing--new situation, new outlet for the damage to my personality to pop up; in this case, let's give it a caeserian and yank the thing out FAST. I love this woman far too much to feel like I cheat her when i kiss her, that she deserves better, that I'm not good enough. It is completely unfair to both of us. I deserve her. I'm not going to allow the residue of 40 year old abuse make me feel 'not good enough' because I AM good enough.
My best friend--well best MALE friend, my wife is my best friend----I called him earlier, and he said to do something immediately; it surprised me that we both had the same reaction to this discovery, namely do not allow it to grow, abort it immediately and have a pro guide the recovery. I love my wife too much for this crap.