(Jake & Heath, mapped from the SAG Awards Show to the church where 'Ennis' was married to 'Alma'.) "Oh,.. I can just hear your furtive little minds work-ing!"
E&J Gospel TV "Stay with us! -- When we return, Father Jacques will shave the coyote's balls with his version of 'Water-walking Jesus!' --DON'T GO AWAY, possums -- we'll be right BACK!"
More E & J Gospel TV!"...Remember, Possums, God WANTS you to FORGIVE your enemies -- mainly because she knows that NOTHING in all of Wyoming could ANNOY them quite as MUCH!"
More E & J Gospel TVRev. Ennis: "So, forgive every-one...from your ritzy-glitzy relatives in Texas, to your condom-challenged buddies in Nogales...From your crazy Auntie Alma in Signal to your weird 'Uncle Jack'- ...-Forgive, forgive, FOR-GIVE!"Father Jacques: (En don't look right...)
"Now, I know some of you might be a little surprised to see ol Ennis and his fishin buddy with our own gospel TV show--but if you'd ever heard us callin on the Lord for mercy, you wouldn't be! And I got a say, what the Twister here don't know about sacred communion, holy rollin, and speakin in tongues--ain't worth knowin. And THAT'S the gospel truth! Praise Jesus!"
Well boys, I haven't ever performed a gay wedding before, but I'm happy to do it for you. If Bishop O'Connor finds out about this, you haven't seen me!
'the boys still laughed at the fact that ennis had conducted the wedding of alma and Monroe...how desperate was she??'
Pastor Ennis:We're gonna have to forgive Father Jack, here.He had a little too much Jesus Juice for breakfast. So where was I? Oh yeah, Father Jack and I used to preach to a different kind a sheep, up on Brokeback Mountain, but they were too smart for us, so here we are, sheparding you good folks, instead. We used to work for the mean and wicked Reverend Joe Aguirre...Father Jack:Yeah, he was a real sinister minister!Rick B
"Hey, Jack, we should've become Catholic priests a long time ago." "Yeah, we could've lived together, dressed up in drag every day and surrounded ourselves witht beautiful art.""And no one would've been the wiser . . ."
PRAYER WEEKPastor Ennis: Oh, my dear Studio Possums, I fear you might be get-ting a-head of me, A-GAIN?!
PRAYER WEEK cont'dPastor Ennis:"Our new SIGN is finally in! -- Unfortunately those pinhead Wyoming gauchos put 'E @ J' on it, instead of 'E & J.' -- Tsk! -- Still, I like the SOUND of THAT! ...
PRAYER WEEK cont'dPastor Ennis:"Yes, it's PRAYER WEEK, possums! and God knows the real position of power in any relationship is -- say it with me! -- ON - YOUR - KNEES !!!"!
Pastor Ennis:Hey there, church goers!Have you kids been unusually GRUMPY and CRABBY lately?Is it mere IRREGULARITY?Or could it be...DEMONIC POSSESION?If you have reason to suspect that your TEENAGER has become inhabited by THE FORCES OF EVIL,grab a pen and write down the number at the bottom of your TV screen and give us a call todayto order you very own HOME EXORCISM KIT!!!It's fun and relatively SAFE!It has everything you need to perform REAL exorcisms,in the comfort of your own home or hovel!!!The kit contains an instruction booklet (in Latin!)3 vials of HOLY water blessed by the POPE of your choice!2 genuine regulation hand held Crucifixes! Fresh garlic AND oregano! Leather restraints!Rosary beads!Back issues of the Watchtower!5 Air sickness bags!A can of Scotchguard!and THE ANDY WILLIAMS CHRISTMAS RECORD!!!And it's guaranteed to work against demons and dark forces, various evil spirits, psychic vampires, Aguirres,and the DEVIL, himself!So order TODAY!Tell the folks that phone number again, Father Jack...Father Jack:Satan eats poop!Rick B
PASTOR (dramatically):"...And here's to future days up on mountain tops flying in the euphoric bitter air, looking down your lover's back at the crawling beads of sweat on the skin below, suspended above past love affairs and away from crazed mothers-in-law barking in the dark hours; and believing yourselves invisible,......."AGUIRRE: "-Heh."
Ennis: i thought you said it was just gonna be you and me, a nice quiet wedding is what you said!Alam: i know! i couldn't get rid of them, i tried, they really have got nothing better to do!
