How would I know that? How would any gay person know? And would it be wise for a gay man to trust people who use language like that?
I live in another country. What I can tell you is that fear is universal. The trick is to know when there is real reason to be afraid. I agree w. Brad the overplaying the victim makes us not only look weak, but it makes us weak because it makes us incapable of recognizing true threat when it's there.
Your friends may not be violent, but how would I know that they aren't?
You are absolutely right! You cannot know wheather they will be violent or not. And I am sure it depends on which country you are,
and in which area of this country you are. At least here, noone could cause a problem in a bar or cafeteria. The manager of the place
would have to call the police. You think even violent homophobes would like to deal with the police?
Let's imagine an evening. I come into a bar that's full of your friends. They tell jokes like that, share their disgust and loathing about anything gay. Guess what happens: I shut up about me being gay and leave. because I can't be sure. Now... when we talk about acceptance or tolerance in communities I have faced nothing but goodwill. But I am not always surrounded by friends or in place I can feel secure.
Shut up and leave? This is exactly what they would want you to do. This is IMO a very wrong reaction.
You should simply ignore them. Act as if they are not there. I understand that this could be difficult, but
it is the only way.
They learned to use fear to control you. Don't let fear control you. I don't know you, do you have straight friends?
Have you come out to them and to your family, and to your work?
As long as gays keep themselves in the closet, straights will never get used to
see same-sex people holding
hands and kissing. So when they see it once in their life, they will only react homophobically. If gays come out of
the closet, and start walking in the streets, then what will the straights do? Start beating up everybody?
If they see it everywhere and every time, they will get used to it.
If gays keep hiding (either because of fear, or because of shame), we will have an endless loop. When there is a problem,
you should face it, instead of running away from it. It might take time and efford, but it will eventually be solved.
You will say : "I just want to peacefully live my life".
I will say : "You have to fight for your right".
I am not an english speaker, so I hope what I wrote made sense to you.