Sunday, January 27th, 2008Jackie ~ Paintedshoes
Our "honorary" Moderator, great friend, confidante, and AmbassadorBy
Adrian  | "Jackie will forever be a part of my path forward. Our lives could be said to be the sum total of all the ways that we touch other people's lives. In that context Jackie has had an enormous life. Stand back, as if from up in space looking back at the earth and overlay all of Jackie's love on the globe, see how far it reaches, how deep it runs. One single soul is able to do all that. This is why we hurt." ~Trigger hippie
Her "welcome to the greatest place on earth" always gives me a smile and a sense of warmth and sincere acceptance. At a time when the world needs all the Jackie's we can find, it is all the more difficult to say goodbye. ~garyd | |
| | Jackie's First Forum Post
On: January 18, 2006, 05:20:03 PM Jackie wrote:
"Hi...I decided to come out of lurkedom and register after reading the post from "killersmom". Like her, I've read posts on this site since discovering it last fall through googling "Brokeback Mountain" and, like her, felt that I didn't have anything constructive to add. But she is right. Just being able to say to the world...or, at least, the important part of it that takes part in these blogs...just how important this book and movie are to me is so...freeing! I'm a grandmother. I have a brother and many friends who are gay, and many people in my life who just don't understand what it is about this movie that touches my heart. It seems to me that most people want only escape from reality when they read or go to movies. Me, too, sometimes. But I've also looked for themes that reach my soul, that connect to the part of me that longs, that dreams, that hopes, that feels. Brokeback Mountain answers questions for me: sometimes loving is worth the pain..."better to have loved and lost..."; finding the one person who loves you truly is always worthwhile; settling for less can be soul-killing.
Thank you to everyone who posts here. Your insights...about the story...about yourselves...makes it easier for me. I don't know if I'll post much but wanted all of you to know that I am here...and am always grateful, especially to you, Dave, for putting all of this into motion." | | .
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Death is nothing at allDeath is nothing at all
I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other
That we are still
Call me by my old familiar name
Speak to me in the easy way you always used
Put no difference into your tone
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed
At the little jokes we always enjoyed together
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was
Let it be spoken without effort
Without the ghost of a shadow in it
Life means all that it ever meant
It is the same as it ever was
There is absolute unbroken continuity
What is death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind
Because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you for an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner
All is well.
Nothing is past; nothing is lost
One brief moment and all will be as it was before
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!
Canon Henry Scott-Holland, 1847-1918, Canon of St Paul's Cathedral Posted by
Lola  | | .
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What I Need
An excerpt from Beyond Brokeback the Impact of a Film
Written by paintedshoes |
Brokeback Mountain allowed me to come to terms with some issues in my past, but somewhere, lurking in the back of my mind, I knew there was more; I just couldn't find it. In the last few days, I have pieced together my thoughts, fears, and needs, to explain to myself what happened to me.
It was after reading the story three times, searching my soul long and hard, and facing what I knew to be the truth, that I made a radical decision: I quit my job after nineteen years! I can't believe I'm putting it in writing. I'm staying on to wrap up some projects, but I'm out at the end of the month. I'm looking for a job, though no prospects yet. I'm divorced, fifty-seven years old, with two kids and five grandchildren, and I did the stupidest and bravest thing I may have done in my life.
I can't live in misery for fear of what the future may hold, not anymore. I am laughing to myself, at myself because- though on some level I'm scared to death- I feel a lightness of heart that I have not felt in forever. None of you here made my decision for me, but all of you here enveloped me in love, compassion, and understanding. You helped me to come to terms with myself and what I need for myself, not for what I thought other people expected. Bless you all.
Paintedshoes
a smiling jackie from texas 2006with friends from near and far
::: remembering u fondly :::
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Reflections By Dave
Jackie called me Father. I was aghast the first time--sort of Shirley MacLaine's reaction to hearing "Grandma! Grandma! Grandma!" in Terms of Endearment. It started with my own vanity intruding--I thought I was a sorta-young single guy and suddenly I was daddy to a bunch of grownups.
That gave me a laugh. The shock wore off quickly, and then I found it really touching, yet vaguely uncomfortable. I'm still not sure why. I think I felt a little silly laying claim to fathering the forum. It was a title I didn't quite feel worthy of, and felt nervous about even the vague possibility of it catching on, and some people calling me that, others resenting it. So I let her know that I loved hearing her say it, but was nervous about reactions from others. I was afraid that might offend her, but she was gracious. From then on I was Dave in public, always Father in private. | |  | |
| It was so sweet. It made me feel so good about what I had done. I could not accept the title publicly, but to have one person remind me from time to time--and she would often go beyond the name and reiterate the feelings behind it--that actually helped sustain me. The truth is this forum has been a great joy to me, and sometimes one hell of a drain on my spirit. It's good and it's bad, and she kept me focused on the good part. She kept patting me on the back, and allowed me to pat myself there, too, and feel better about myself. I needed that. And she saw that.
I've only told a few people about the Father thing. I have no idea how many people were aware. But I think the danger of anyone else picking it up has long past, and that's my personal Jackie story. That's the unique and very healing thing she's been doing for me quietly for two years.
Thanks, Jackie.
I'm just glad I went to the Estes Park BBQ--(and that the organizers were thoughtful enough to bring it to my neck of the woods)--and I got to meet you in person, to hug you and to see that smile with my own eyes. I won't forget it. | |
| |  | | "Jackie posted, and said I should be called "Faithful Friend", because that was the one description that she felt fit me the most. When the Texas BBQ took place in '06, my direct flight from NJ to Tx had ended up becoming an 18 hour ordeal that ended just after midnight.
I got off that plane, and bleary-eyed, tried to locate my bags. When I found them, there was a touch on my shoulder from behind, and I heard "Hello Faithful Friend". It was Jackie, she had come to the airport to meet me, and she gave my weary body a big hug." ~CellarDweller115 | | |
| | "Thank you for being a great friend.
For having me to your apartment for a luncheon,
for helping me continue making some big changes in my life.
For talking to me on the phone when I was sad,
for giving me advice about how to find volunteer work.
For your laughs and your smiles,
and your way of always looking on the bright side of things."
~dejavu |
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Knowing Jackie is a gift, a miracle, a joy. We all were born (or created, if you will) out of the dust from the dawn of time and to stardust we all shall become when our time comes. And then we'll share eternity. ~Boris | |  | |
"Whenever I think of Jackie, my dearest Dervish Broccolette,
a beautiful image, a peculiar detail from the movie 'American Beauty'
immediately comes to mind:
a solitary plastic bag, blown by the wind from one corner to the next,
magically uplifted, wandering around,
caressed by our glances and thoughts,
overlooked, then focused on again.
A day in our lives.
Between concentration and letting go,
between being the center of attention and stepping aside.
Jackie and I have often exchanged our reflections about the metaphorical quality of this image,
and whenever we saw another tumbleweed object flying in the air,
she thought of me,
and I thought of her.
Very fondly."
~ingmarnicebbmtLook at Our Jackie
"Here's me at age 18. Jackie, USAF Was I really that young...and that THIN?"
~GraylockV captured the essence of Jackie's spirit:
"Jackie - an instrument of God's peace.............."
| | Prayer of St. Francis
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. | | | .
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"Jackie made every edge a curve, the hard places soft and the cold places warm by filling our hurts until they overflowed to brighten the world around us as well." ~Planetgal471 |
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"The only thing i hope is that jackie knows, every moment of eternity, how much we all love her. The rest is written in the stars." ~Desertrat | |  | |
| | "Jackie, my sweet sister who was there for me so many times, when i went through a very hard time and there she was in the middle of the night when i couldn`t sleep to talk to me and pulled me through it." ~Conny
"Jackie is part of the fabric of my life and when I see that patch I never fail to smile." ~Nax
"Jackie was one the 1st to greet me as a new member, and offer me advice and guidance, encouragement, and mostly to breathe deeply and take it slow(er)! She seemed to have that unusual ability to get you, to understand. Her presence here knows no boundaries, everyone on this Forum has been touched by her, either directly or indirectly." ~Flyboy | | |
A little about Jackie - from JackieHer profile - 2006 Member Profile: paintedshoes |
I was born and raised in Seattle, WA, the eldest of 8 children. I left home to join the United States Air Force, then married and settled down in the Wash, DC area, where I have lived ever since. I’m single now, with two wonderful children and the five most terrific grandchildren in the world. I’ve been a Medical Laboratory Technician for 27 years, most recently working in a private Oncology practice. For 18 years, I have been a volunteer recorder of printed matter for the visually impaired. (It keeps my vocal cords in shape for reading to the grandkids!)
There are many things which interest me, especially Egyptology. I’ve been to Egypt twice, and belong to an organization which provides funds for American Egyptologists. This allows me to attend many lectures by the world’s pre-eminent scholars in the field. I love to read, especially history and science fiction. And, I LOVE movies, of most kinds, and own a healthy (or is that UNhealthy?) number of DVD’s. Music, especially classical, soundtracks and some jazz, plays a very important part of my daily life, as well. And then, there is
Brokeback Mountain... | Profile Questions:
01. Currently listening to? Besides the BBM score? Beyond the Missouri Sky by Charlie Haden and Pat Methany and The Officium defunctorum by Christobal de Morales.
02. Currently reading? Living Dangerously, The Adventures of Merian C. Cooper, Creator of King Kong by Mark Cotta Vaz and The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafón. And, every day, I read something from either Emerson’s Essays or Palgrave’s Golden Treasury of Songs and Lyrics.
03. Biggest challenge? Accepting myself. It has gotten a LOT easier lately.
04. Your perfect day? Sleeping in, breakfast on my balcony on a beautiful fall morning, taking my grandkids for a walk to hunt for bugs and butterflies, lunch with friends, reading a good book, then dinner and a good movie with friends. Finally, a late night phone conversation with my sister, and best friend, Jess.
05. What’s your indulgence? Chocolate and movies, preferably together.
06. What’s you inspiration? My beloved grandchildren.
07. Last major purchase? A ticket to Texas for the BBQ.
08. First job? Besides babysitting, as a courier for a blueprint company in Seattle.
09. What do you know for sure? To quote Mr. Shakespeare: “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
10. Favorite Movie (Besides BBM)? The Age of Innocence, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, and Rebecca. The last one is subject to change with my mood.
11. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? “I know you have a LOT of doubts, but, come on in anyway.”
12. What brought you to the Forum? I had been googling BBM since August of last year, and came across Dave’s old blog. I followed it to the Forum and signed on after about 3 weeks.
13. Your favorite threads? The Diner, the Affected Me thread and lately, the Slash threads.
14. How many times have you watched BBM? In the theater 21 times. On DVD, 9 times.
15. Your favorite BBM scene? The campfire scene after Ennis is thrown from his horse. Ennis says, “I’ll stick with beans.” And Jack replies, “well, I won’t.” That has become the motto of my life.
16. Is there any question I didn't ask that you want to answer anyway? Yes, I have often been asked about my screen name. I took it from a watercolor that my father did of my baby shoes: | |
| Friends, All We Need Are Friends
And Jackie had a lot of them |
| Jackie's welcoming way, radiant smile, and caring soul enriched not only those who know her personally but also those who simply knew of her. Her love and kindness, her optimistic fun-loving nature, and zest for life, all live-on in those who had the privilege to share life's joys and sorrows with her. |
| | Forum Posts of the Day
meeooowww reminisces in the Jackie's Friends thread:
I want to share a little example of how generous Jackie was.
When I was visiting her, she showed me some of her Brokeback treasures. She had keepsakes and whatnot from the Texas BBQ. One was a can of Bettermost beans which I had not seen before. I admired it and that was that. As I was leaving the next day, she pulled me aside and handed me a can and said to put it in my suitcase. She said she had an extra and she knew there was a reason she got two....Man. I cried. And I treasure that can as only a Brokie can do, but for the way it came to me as well. |
| | Quote of the Day:
"I will probably never be able to express how much you all meant to Jackie. And I know that I could never repay the debt of gratitude I owe to all of you. Over the course of the last couple of years, I saw Jackie come alive. Her smile got broader; her eyes got brighter; her spirit got stronger-- all because of you. You gave her unconditional love and acceptance. All of her life, she'd been caring for other people, putting other people before herself. You finally enabled her to do things for herself. You provided her with an opportunity to get to know herself, really get to know herself. You showed her that she was worth loving."
By ~ JackiesDIL~ Jackie's daughter-in-law |
From
Photo Captioning Fun 3 See you on the other side of the mountain Jackie
Contributors: KittyHawk, LoveEmBoys, BrokenOkie, Marge_Innavera, Chapeaugris, Tellyouwhat, quoted forum members
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