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Author Topic: Mourning Someone Who Has Died  (Read 796329 times)

Offline Sara B

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #4050 on: May 13, 2024, 11:34:48 AM »
Vic, it was so sad, but wonderful too, to read of Tony’s and your life together.

Offline Vic

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #4051 on: May 13, 2024, 01:14:51 PM »
Vic, it was so sad, but wonderful too, to read of Tony’s and your life together.

Thank you, ((((Sara B)))).

Finding BBM back, the place where we met, still alive and well, is more than a comfort, it has lifted my spirits tremendously.

I have been desperate to find friends of his to let them know what happened and BBM is the only place I have found so far where I can be open about us. I was never happy about his dual life, one in the closet and one out (with me), but after I visited his home a few times early in the relationship I understood why it was a necessity. I'm counting on BBM being too obscure and sufficiently long ago for anyone searching on him that didn't know this truth about him. I want to protect his legacy.

We both have a very strong sense of duty and responsibility, it's what kept me going these past few years after his death. To resolve all the fallout, and there has been much, so that eventually I can move on and perhaps recapture some of the joy of life that we shared. BBM brought us together and it's helping me now to pick up the pieces.

I also want to apologize for springing this all on the good people here. Ignore me.

The universe doesn't care. It's up to you.

Offline killersmom

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #4052 on: May 13, 2024, 01:32:44 PM »
Thank you, ((((Sara B)))).

Finding BBM back, the place where we met, still alive and well, is more than a comfort, it has lifted my spirits tremendously.

I have been desperate to find friends of his to let them know what happened and BBM is the only place I have found so far where I can be open about us. I was never happy about his dual life, one in the closet and one out (with me), but after I visited his home a few times early in the relationship I understood why it was a necessity. I'm counting on BBM being too obscure and sufficiently long ago for anyone searching on him that didn't know this truth about him. I want to protect his legacy.

We both have a very strong sense of duty and responsibility, it's what kept me going these past few years after his death. To resolve all the fallout, and there has been much, so that eventually I can move on and perhaps recapture some of the joy of life that we shared. BBM brought us together and it's helping me now to pick up the pieces.

I also want to apologize for springing this all on the good people here. Ignore me.

Nope not going to happen. First and foremost we are a family here. At one point it was a huge family, but after 20 years and like most things in life, we have dwindled down to just a few. But the few of us who are here support each other and that includes you.

You are not a burden, just part of our family who needs some support and bucking up that we ALL need at various times in our lives, and still do so for each other.  You are no exception!

So stick around, join in where you want, and let us support you as you need.

This is what started this forum to begin with, the support that was needed from the feelings all of us were experiencing after having read the short story and seen the movie! So you are not a bother, just a Brokie and a member of this family.♥️
"Life can only be understood backwards. Unfortunately, it must be lived forward."
... Kierkegaard

Online CellarDweller115

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #4053 on: May 13, 2024, 01:34:45 PM »
There is nothing to ignore, Vic!  We're glad that you felt comfortable enough to come to us again.

Offline Vic

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #4054 on: May 14, 2024, 12:16:57 AM »
This is what started this forum to begin with, the support that was needed from the feelings all of us were experiencing after having read the short story and seen the movie! So you are not a bother, just a Brokie and a member of this family.♥️

Thanks, everyone, I really appreciate it!

I only ever saw the movie once, couldn't bear to watch it again. Then I went online because it had shifted something in me, just as you say happened to many, and I met Dragon and many other people.

Thinking back, which I do a lot now, and this is actually the first time since his death two and half years ago, that I am going back, we never really discussed the movie between us outside this forum. Well, safe to say EVERYTHING and ANYTHING that could possibly be said about BBM certainly was discussed here! And then some.

Then I got into the Caps and so I watched the movie 100x more, frame by frame...

In 2010, because he couldn't be there for my birthday, he sent me a framed and signed poster of BBM, which has hung in our bedroom ever since and will always be in mine again. A reminder of the significance of BBM and our own story.

I was never sure who I identified with more, Jack or Ennis. Bit of both, I think, as it was for him. While I was the more 'gay experienced' (like Jack) I also have a tendency to withdraw from the world when I'm hurt (like Ennis). And he was always very private and secretive about his life (like Ennis) yet had this ebullience about our gay life when we were together (more like Jack). And now I'm back to BBM and being Ennis, hurt, broken and alone after losing the love of my life.

I guess I will be a Brokie always.
« Last Edit: May 14, 2024, 12:33:36 AM by Vic »
The universe doesn't care. It's up to you.

Offline Flyboy

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #4055 on: May 15, 2024, 07:02:40 PM »
Thanks, Vic! For all your posts here. I lost my spouse/partner of MANY decades, six years ago now, to a sudden death. No real warning at all. It smacks you like that. I have believed that everyone's grief is different, no one can live, or understand yours. Only YOU can do that. Having said that, I've come to terms with mine, although I keep wondering, will I EVER find LOVE like that again?? So far, no. If it happens, great, if not, I'm fine with that too. I had a LONG time of Love, Caring and Sharing with another human being. For that, I'm very grateful. Many don't get that in Life.........sending you warm thoughts and cares.......... ;)

Offline Vic

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #4056 on: May 20, 2024, 09:47:58 AM »
Thanks, Vic! For all your posts here. I lost my spouse/partner of MANY decades, six years ago now, to a sudden death. No real warning at all. It smacks you like that. I have believed that everyone's grief is different, no one can live, or understand yours. Only YOU can do that. Having said that, I've come to terms with mine, although I keep wondering, will I EVER find LOVE like that again?? So far, no. If it happens, great, if not, I'm fine with that too. I had a LONG time of Love, Caring and Sharing with another human being. For that, I'm very grateful. Many don't get that in Life.........sending you warm thoughts and cares.......... ;)

Hey Flyboy, thanks.

Yes, it's the small things, the sharing, that creep up or randomly surprise you. My grief remains undiminished. The inside jokes, certain topics, people, places. So many things and triggers. Automatically I want to say something only to realize it's pointless, the other isn't there, will never be again, can't hear you. Some people say to go ahead and pretend but that's not for me. Then I'd rather just remember, and that can bring a smile too, not only sadness. I do my best to remember all the good times we shared, and not get bogged down in my own depression. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

I am grateful too, he certainly was a one of a kind, and I'm not expecting to find that again, and perhaps I don't want to. I'm certainly not looking, never have. I have always been OK being single, it's not new, just unexpected and unwanted, and I would not want to bring this kind of emotional baggage into any new relationship anyway.
The universe doesn't care. It's up to you.

Offline BlueAmber63

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #4057 on: May 23, 2024, 04:31:11 PM »
Five years ago today ?? It feels like just yesterday.

I love and miss my darling husband every day.
He was my whole world. My life will never be
the same with out him.

Love and miss you my sweetheart.
Wanting him to come back... before anyone notices
part of the world has not moved...since he left.

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #4058 on: May 23, 2024, 05:40:38 PM »
Sending you love and hugs,  Sue!!!

Online fritzkep

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #4059 on: May 23, 2024, 07:20:46 PM »
((((((((((((((((Suely))))))))))))))))))

Big hugs, and remembering.

Werd ich zum Augenblicke sagen, "Verweile doch! Du bist so schön..."

Offline killersmom

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #4060 on: May 24, 2024, 03:11:04 PM »
Thinking of you Suely!! Big hugs!
"Life can only be understood backwards. Unfortunately, it must be lived forward."
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Offline gwyllion

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #4061 on: May 24, 2024, 05:33:38 PM »
Love to you, Suely <3
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Offline Flyboy

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #4062 on: May 24, 2024, 07:12:03 PM »
Warm thoughts to you, Suely......Six years+ for me, and it is still strange at times! Like I wake up from a dream and want to 'share', as usual, but then realize NO ONE is there with me. Very odd, for sure. I wonder if that will ever quit?? I so miss the 'Pilow-talk' times, both BEFORE Sleep, and AFTER! You know?  ;)

Offline Vic

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #4063 on: May 25, 2024, 12:10:07 PM »
Five years ago today ?? It feels like just yesterday.
Love and miss you my sweetheart.

(((Suely)))

Yes, like yesterday... two and half years now. A moment in time, in life, that doesn't seem to become the past.

I'm a Dreamer. When someone in my family is in severe distress or dying I dream about it, either just before or during. But if I'm not sleeping I get a strong urge to call or contact. When my father was dying (of cancer) I dreamed he was walking on a bridge with no end a few days before. I got there just in time to be with him. When my mother's sister died, I dreamed she was in a dark mall, spiraling down into lower, darker levels, without end, lost and crying out. My mom was staying with me and I told her to call her sister. She was too late. When my sister had to have a hysterectomy (because of ovarian cancer) I dreamed she was running in a dark, stormy night, pushing an empty baby carriage (she was also pregnant and it had to be aborted). She denied it at first, but some years later she confirmed it. When my own mom died not too long ago, I dreamed she was lying on a cold metal table in a white room (she was at home, alone) and someone was pulling a white sheet over her head. It was 09:59 in the morning, I had fallen asleep on the couch after a sleepless night. It was later confirmed as the approximate time, but I knew better.

So it shocked me that I had nothing with Dragon, he was the love of my life, no one I was closer to than him. (But I guess he wasn't blood family or maybe just his usual stubborn.) So I waited and waited, he would still come and say goodbye. Finally, 42 days later he was there in a dream. We were traveling together, me driving, as always, and we had our last conversation... then he dissolved and I woke up.

Six years+ for me, and it is still strange at times! Like I wake up from a dream and want to 'share', as usual, but then realize NO ONE is there with me. Very odd, for sure. I wonder if that will ever quit?? I so miss the 'Pilow-talk' times, both BEFORE Sleep, and AFTER! You know?  ;)

I have dreamed with him since then, all positive dreams (wishful) and I hated waking up, knowing he would not be there, with only that profound sense of loss.

I think they are moments in life so strong they remain current, like they happened yesterday. At least, that's how I see them. And I don't think it ever goes away.
The universe doesn't care. It's up to you.

Offline killersmom

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #4064 on: May 25, 2024, 02:12:31 PM »
I had one last glimpse of Rick in our bedroom a day after he passed away. I was sitting at the computer composing his obituary, (for some reason I became the official obituary writer for the family), when I sensed a movement behind me. I turned quickly and saw him, and then he was gone for good. :'(
"Life can only be understood backwards. Unfortunately, it must be lived forward."
... Kierkegaard