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Author Topic: Mourning Someone Who Has Died  (Read 689750 times)

Offline Caithness

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #750 on: June 20, 2007, 08:11:04 AM »
Nellie, my heart.

Thinking of and praying for you and your family.

Arms always round you and yours.

Malcolm
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Offline MaineGirl

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #751 on: June 21, 2007, 03:51:55 AM »
((((Nellie))))

I,too, kept roses from both the sad and happy occasions, dried the petals, and placed them in a container of rose petals that I inherited from my grandmother.  They held special memories of hers and now mine are added to them.  It makes me feel closer to her...
"It is no accident that we all lie nestled together in the curves of the universe.  We are tugged by the forces of the celestial tides.  Time folds in on itself and outward again in gladness as we spin around, each of us an utter miracle in a sea of tiny white stars."  Jamien E. Morehouse

Offline mcnell1120

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #752 on: June 21, 2007, 05:22:31 AM »
You guys are so wonderful.....thank you so much  :'(

Nellie  :-* :-*
RICKY MARTIN ,tu eres mi Kiki !

Offline CellarDweller115

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #753 on: June 21, 2007, 05:24:21 AM »
You guys are so wonderful.....thank you so much :'(

Nellie :-* :-*


:-* :-*

back at ya, honey!  Love ya!  Chin up!

Offline chapeaugris

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #754 on: June 21, 2007, 09:24:26 AM »
My father died on June 5th. He was 87 and died in his sleep at my parents' home in Florida. The day before,  he drove himself to the doctor to be treated for a bad cold. This was exactly the way he wanted to go. A few days later we had a memorial gathering by the beach down the street from the house, where people from the neighborhood come every evening to watch the sun set over the Gulf of Mexico. Dad was a photographer for the Washington Post for 35 years so we put up lots of pictures of him, and of famous people he had photographed. There was a long obituary in the Post that day, and we printed it out from the paper's web site and posted it.  We drank wine and shared anecdotes. My sister had found in the house a scrap of paper on which my father had copied down two verses from the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam.

Ah, make the most of what we yet may spend,
Before we too into the Dust descend;
Dust into Dust, and under Dust to lie
Sans Wine, sans Song, sans Singer, and--sans End!

Then to the lip of this poor earthen Urn
I lean'd, the Secret of my Life to learn:
And Lip to Lip it murmur'd--"While you live
Drink!--for, once dead, you never shall return."


She read them aloud, and we toasted him as the sun set. The next day we scattered his ashes on his favorite beach.

The hardest part is dealing with my step-mother, who is bi-polar and went through yet another severe depression starting about 2 years ago. It's under control again but she is a shell of her old self and mentally adrift. My siblings and I had to move her immediately into an assisted-living facility because there was no way she could live on her own.

Until we got her moved into the home I couldn't properly mourn my father because we were so preoccupied with her situation. The day before I flew back to France I rode my father's bike to the library to check my email. Before I left the house my sister handed me her iPod and told me to listen to Pat Metheny and Charlie Haden's Beyond the Missouri Sky album. I skipped directly to the piece "Spiritual" because I knew Annie Proulx had listened to it while writing the dozy embrace scene. I had seen Brokeback in Florida with my parents when I was visiting them at the height of my step-mother's crisis and afterwards I'd been a wreck -- heartshot on top of heartbroken. I remembered  the shot of the DECEASED postcard, and how a silent ripple had gone through the audience full of old people. I had shed tears not just for Jack but also for my father, who I knew was failing. Listening to that haunting music while pedaling slowly in the stifling tropical heat, brought back that week when my heart had felt like a heavy stone in my chest, and I just lost it.  Fortunately, nobody walks around outside at midday in Florida in the summer so I could sob unobserved.

I hadn't planned to post anything here, or at such length. But losing your last parent is a rite of passage and I thought I should write it all down in this forum, where I have spent so much time.

Offline CellarDweller115

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #755 on: June 21, 2007, 09:29:48 AM »
I hadn't planned to post anything here, or at such length. But losing your last parent is a rite of passage and I thought I should write it all down in this forum, where I have spent so much time.

But I'm glad you did.  Thank you for sharing this story at such a difficult time in your life.  I'm glad you and your family were able to share funny stories and memories about your father.


Ah, make the most of what we yet may spend,
Before we too into the Dust descend;
Dust into Dust, and under Dust to lie
Sans Wine, sans Song, sans Singer, and--sans End!

Then to the lip of this poor earthen Urn
I lean'd, the Secret of my Life to learn:
And Lip to Lip it murmur'd--"While you live
Drink!--for, once dead, you never shall return."


And thank you for posting this!  So meaningful!

Offline Rob in Puyallup

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #756 on: June 21, 2007, 09:51:00 AM »
Kim...

Warm hugs... a beautiful set of memories you posted.

I'm sure you know that I lost both of my parents not too long ago. Is life changing, losing a parent... A loneliness filled my heart for quite a while after Mom died. Made me think how we are born alone, die alone, and how we are in a constant search for connection throughout our lives.

I thank all those here for helping fill that need in mine.

Wishing you warmth and comfort, Kim.

Holding your hand,
Rob
« Last Edit: June 21, 2007, 10:34:18 AM by Rob in Puyallup »
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Offline paintedshoes

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #757 on: June 21, 2007, 10:12:29 AM »
Oh, Kim, my heart goes out to you. Please accept my deepest sympathies.   :-*
"Miracles do happen, dear friend(s).  Miracles are real."- Boris 
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Offline chapeaugris

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #758 on: June 21, 2007, 02:57:56 PM »
Thank you Chuck, Rob and Jackie. I feel very peaceful about my father. In the last months we spoke several times a week and I feel nothing was left unsaid.

Offline MaineGirl

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #759 on: June 21, 2007, 04:12:08 PM »
Kim, I'm sorry....  I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.  What a beautiful tribute to your father on the beach with family and friends, sharing memories of him at sunset. 

My father died 11 years ago yesterday and it was like someone shot a hole in my heart.  He was only in his early 60's.  When he died we honored his wishes to have a memorial service instead of a funeral.  He was very well known in the music field and many of his professional colleagues asked to pay musical tribute to him.  Former students also asked to be a part of the service.  We ended up with a tribute concert of music performed by family and friends intespersed with stories, anecdotes, and the sharing of lots of good memories that lasted for most of the afternoon.  There was laughter through the tears as Dad would have wanted it that way.  Actually, he wouldn't have wanted the tears.  It made us feel closer to him in his absence.  The most touching tribute was by our oldest child, then just 15, who stood up in front of 400 people, said "this is for you, Grampie," and played a fairly difficult piece for him on the clarinet accompanied by her father on the piano.  How she did that without crying I do not know.  I could not see her through my own tears, but I heard her play it beautifully, just for him. 
"It is no accident that we all lie nestled together in the curves of the universe.  We are tugged by the forces of the celestial tides.  Time folds in on itself and outward again in gladness as we spin around, each of us an utter miracle in a sea of tiny white stars."  Jamien E. Morehouse

Offline CellarDweller115

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #760 on: June 21, 2007, 05:28:55 PM »
The most touching tribute was by our oldest child, then just 15, who stood up in front of 400 people, said "this is for you, Grampie," and played a fairly difficult piece for him on the clarinet accompanied by her father on the piano.  How she did that without crying I do not know.  I could not see her through my own tears, but I heard her play it beautifully, just for him. 


I teared up just reading that.  What a strong daughter you have.  I would never have been able to do that.

Offline MaineGirl

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #761 on: June 21, 2007, 06:44:17 PM »
The most touching tribute was by our oldest child, then just 15, who stood up in front of 400 people, said "this is for you, Grampie," and played a fairly difficult piece for him on the clarinet accompanied by her father on the piano.  How she did that without crying I do not know.  I could not see her through my own tears, but I heard her play it beautifully, just for him. 


I teared up just reading that.  What a strong daughter you have.  I would never have been able to do that.

A musician myself, I could not have done that.  She's pretty amazing.  She and my dad shared the bond of music just as I had shared that same bond with him growing up.   
"It is no accident that we all lie nestled together in the curves of the universe.  We are tugged by the forces of the celestial tides.  Time folds in on itself and outward again in gladness as we spin around, each of us an utter miracle in a sea of tiny white stars."  Jamien E. Morehouse

Offline paintedshoes

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #762 on: June 21, 2007, 08:31:17 PM »
MaineGirl, I so loved the tribute to your father. And, I mourn his passing.  A man who inspires such dedication in his grandchildren is worth praise.

Bless your daughter, you and the man who gave you such a gift.


-Jackie
"Miracles do happen, dear friend(s).  Miracles are real."- Boris 
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Offline MaineGirl

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #763 on: June 21, 2007, 08:41:40 PM »
MaineGirl, I so loved the tribute to your father. And, I mourn his passing.  A man who inspires such dedication in his grandchildren is worth praise.

Bless your daughter, you and the man who gave you such a gift.


-Jackie


Thank you, Jackie, for your kind words.  I do feel truly blessed.....
"It is no accident that we all lie nestled together in the curves of the universe.  We are tugged by the forces of the celestial tides.  Time folds in on itself and outward again in gladness as we spin around, each of us an utter miracle in a sea of tiny white stars."  Jamien E. Morehouse

Offline mcnell1120

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Re: Mourning Someone Who Has Died
« Reply #764 on: June 22, 2007, 07:34:58 AM »

<snip>

Until we got her moved into the home I couldn't properly mourn my father because we were so preoccupied with her situation. The day before I flew back to France I rode my father's bike to the library to check my email. Before I left the house my sister handed me her iPod and told me to listen to Pat Metheny and Charlie Haden's Beyond the Missouri Sky album. I skipped directly to the piece "Spiritual" because I knew Annie Proulx had listened to it while writing the dozy embrace scene. I had seen Brokeback in Florida with my parents when I was visiting them at the height of my step-mother's crisis and afterwards I'd been a wreck -- heartshot on top of heartbroken. I remembered the shot of the DECEASED postcard, and how a silent ripple had gone through the audience full of old people. I had shed tears not just for Jack but also for my father, who I knew was failing. Listening to that haunting music while pedaling slowly in the stifling tropical heat, brought back that week when my heart had felt like a heavy stone in my chest, and I just lost it. Fortunately, nobody walks around outside at midday in Florida in the summer so I could sob unobserved.

I hadn't planned to post anything here, or at such length. But losing your last parent is a rite of passage and I thought I should write it all down in this forum, where I have spent so much time.

I want to thank you so much for posting this...it sent my heart in all directions. I send you my warmest hugs and thoughts your way,hon. Having a few good cries is necessary and much needed. I too listen to that music,sent to me by a good friend from this Forum..it's very moving and haunting.

((hugs)) to you

Nellie
RICKY MARTIN ,tu eres mi Kiki !