Hello all,
Well, firstly, this is the first forum I've ever joined after 7 years on the 'net - I'm not American, and therefore not perhaps as "Oprah-fied" as some Americans, when it comes to putting their lives out-there in the public domain, but we'll see..
What, exactly has compelled me on this occasion? - well, I guess that will be part of the process that seems to be unfoldling, since I saw BBM - the first time, a bit over a week ago. Reading through the myriad posts here, I feel that this is a "safe place" to explore this marvellous film - and all that it invokes in so many people. I wholeheartedly agree with all the praise on these pages of the film itself, the performances & most of the analyses I guess. So, "hi".
There are so many overlaps in this movie that directly (and in some cases, literally) coincide with my own life, that it's difficult to know quite which thread to follow here. I have been an out gay man for over 20 years - quite comfortable with my own sexuality, no cowboy though, just a mechanic.
I was reminded, several times by a neighbour about this film - he, a gay man in his late 60's. Repeatedly, over about two months, if we passed in the hall - he wanted me to see this film: almost to the point of insisting. Theatre, DVD - whatever - but "must see". Now, I like to keep up with "gay" films - so, OK. A film about gay cowboys - I'll get to it. (actually wondering if there wasn't an errant member of the Village People striking out into movies....well, hey, a gay guy in his late 60's raving about a cowboy film like this....) So, despite work, customers, a dying cat, and a very large hole outside our apartment building I finally accepted his invitation to go & see the film at his place on DVD.
Brick after brick came out of the screen at me - it got to the point where I realised I was pushing myself back in the chair - my host chose an appropriate "half-time" break so I could go for a smoke. Where I stared at the huge hole in the road, some six floors below until the taste of burning filter signalled the smoke was finished.
The reunion scene was where I guess I began to unravel. Alma seeing something she wasn't meant to....Ennis' black pick-up (mid-50's Ford) nearly identical to Jack's mid 40's GMC (black, shabby & squeaky) when they first met, four years earlier. Copy-cat cars. That rang a bell - so I filed it & kept taking more bricks. I guess if you're hit by enough of them, you become somewhat numb - which was the state in which I left my neighbour's apartment. Numb, tears half-there that wouldn't come - no way that I could put any thoughts into gear.
I can't recount every reaction or response that I've had to BBM in the week since I first saw it - I'm still trying to accommodate Ennis, Jack & their love, the music & beauty of this film into my already overcrowded mind. But so far, yes, it crashes in on my thoughts constantly. Again last night I watched the film for the 3rd time - but came unstuck at different places from when first I saw it. The layers, symbolism, the seriously-unnerving co-incidences with my own life....
My "own" Ennis had been, I thought, at a 'safe' distance of about 10,000 miles for the last four (!) years - only tracking down my number after dogged persistence about a month ago... ("I had to ask 10 people just to find out where you'd moved to"...) We too, sat under big skies, silent, smoking.....
Then I saw BBM.
So, I called "my" Ennis & said "see this film"...(almost to the point of insistence). He knows of it, but hasn't seen it yet. We talked a lot of "shop" (similar profession) - so I guessed that the kids were in the house. Then, I could hear him slowly exhale the smoke & lower his voice to ask me: "when are you coming home?". This was, perhaps, not the best question to ask me only days after seeing BBM....and especially not when his voice is uncannily similar to Heath Ledger's....
Being "haunted" by a film just hasn't happened to me before - I have no real reference points (yet).... only a vague, creeping sensation that Ennises may be Jacks sometimes....
I Amazoned the book - now they're putting bricks in books as well: thoughts and smells don't reproduce on DVDs. And as for the soundtrack CD - like I need any more "triggers" just now, in Week Two of BBMA (Brokeback Mountain Aftermath).
So shall see where this goes - try not to get too un-hinged, but BBM just keeps tugging on the reins.
RFD
