How Brokeback Affected Me--continued

[BayCityJohn]

It can be unhealthy, I agree.

This must not become a refuge from our real daily world.

There's a little melancholy around here these days, or is it just me?

I think this forum is a healthy refuge from the 'real' daily world. Not for everyone, but for many of us.

We are all 'real' people here, and I don't see that online communication is any less valid than any other reality.

Yes I feel the melancholy too lately, but I know things will pick up again when something big happens such as the new opera. Stay tuned 

[chapeaugris]

I would encourage reluctant/hurt posters to continue to try every once in a while...

And there is no harm in PMing someone whose post was seemingly ignored, if it was one you appreciated but did not have the time or inclination to respond to publicly, to at least say "I hear you."

[Katiebre]

You know I always feel that there is a price to pay for every post here, and not necessarily much to be gained. And sometimes that price is too high. I hope you get some sort of balance back however that may be.

 

Wow! Sounds serious.......I'm not sure I understand what you're meaning 

It is so interesting how one post can mean so many different things to different people.

What the original comment meant to me (and it was immediately meaningful!) was completely different from what Martina wrote.
And yet, there's so much truth in what Martina is saying (of course, as usual!). I am somewhat reluctant to post personal things, like here, too. Yes, people are so kind and supportive here, but you never know just who else is reading. Or whether you're going to regret some things you wrote, for being too open, later on. But I find that even sitting down and starting to write with the intention of posting it here is a good way to clarify things for myself in my mind.

So, what hugsuzie's comment on paying a price for every post meant to me:
The time that I spend here is time stolen from work, and the consequence is that I either have to make up for it later in the day/evening or I end up earning less. I'm a freelancer and not on a salary: If I don't work I don't earn any money, and my family depends on what I earn.
So in both ways it's a price I have to pay for being and posting here. And I have already paid a big price.
(I feel it's so shallow to keep talking about money but unfortunately it's such a necessity!)

[Katiebre]

And thanks to John, too, for these kind words.

You can never go back to square one. You're way past that now.
<...>
Just that fact that you are posting your feelings today Katie means you are trying to reclaim your direction. So you have indeed changed.

Thanks for letting me know your experience with being in this forum. It does sound familiar!
And I had to think of your above words today during the day a number of times. You must be right. And realising that things (I) are not the same as they used to be feels so good!

Somehow it always comes back to something Jari said way back:

Brokeback provided us with a language of loss that we all could understand. Brokeback hit us directly in the heart and ripped our protective layers to shreds. It left us vulnerable and raw, but also alive. Brokeback cannot give meaning or purpose to our lives, but it has exposed the need, shown us that we may have lost our direction and we need to reclaim it.

This is so interesting.
When I first came here it was these words that Jackie quoted for me. (I copied them so I have them offline, too!)
Jari is such a genius, he really hit the nail on the head.


And with this I take leave for a couple of days again, since we are going away until Sunday.

[Brokeback_1]

while I agree...with the post at any rate!--you also wrote about a bud of mine.


"Jari is a genius"

--thems words ya don't here every day

roflmao you all have GOT to stop setting these up, they are just too easy...

[Flyboy]

I'm still working on my post for this thread; it's a 'work in progress'; but I will agree with those who say don't be afraid to PM someone whose posts may not have been acknowledged, or with someone who you feel a connection with, you never know what will happen. I PM'd with a few in the beginning, and still do with some of them. Then I tried PM'ing with others I felt a 'connection' with: no response at all. Which was fine, but since I'm more Ennis than not, I stopped trying to PM others. Then, out-of-the-blue, some of the ones I had hoped to connect with, PM'd me! It was like a dose of Fresh Air, changed my whole outlook here. Life is like that for me now, taking baby steps, but I will NOT go back to the way I was before, don't laugh but I lurked here for 18+ months before joining.......still kicking myself over that............haha....I have met some of the most wonderful and warm souls in here, and so many, many intelligent, articulate and thoughtful posters too......just amazing really.........

[dejavu]

Flyboy (Jonn), I am glad you have joined and have decided to reach out to some people.

PMs can be a good way to get to know people, a good way to exchange ideas.  Don't be afraid to try it -- sometimes you do get answers.  I see it happening here a lot.

[jack]

Ok, Martina I get what you mean. And I am answering your post because I'm interested in your life and feelings  ............

...seriously, yes there is truth in what you say. Maybe because this forum spoilt us a bit, there's so much love going around here that we're a little addicted to this, arent we? and if, for once, any little word we say is not warmly welcomed we might feel abandoned? Being ignored hurts. Man, it hurts!!

It can be unhealthy, I agree.

here i go again with the AA analogies, but...

in AA much is made over the newcomer's every triumph.  in early days every 30 days of continuous sobriety is acknowledged by the groups, and often medallions are awarded, 30, 60, 90,  after that, some but not all groups, hold off until 6 months, then medallions and speeches and even cakes often accompany the first continuous year of sobriety...

after that, its just once a year, and all the attention goes back to the newcomer.  it is then time for the grown up work.  maybe the same principle applies.

[Brokeback_1]

yes.period

[paintedshoes]

while I agree...with the post at any rate!--you also wrote about a bud of mine.


"Jari is a genius"

--thems words ya don't here every day

roflmao you all have GOT to stop setting these up, they are just too easy...

Oh, Jack, I posted a comment that I deleted about Jari and this post.  Jari is a "bud" of mine, as well, and would probably be somewhat thrilled and unhappy, in equal measure, about this...   Right, darling?

He just needs to accept that his posts give meaning to many people....you and I included....lol...so here I am, agreeing with you.  Surprise!   

[dahlia]

 it is then time for the grown up work. 

OK I got the message. As I already told you, you are and always have been a support for me.
Thank you for reminding me that our little/big self is not the center of the universe.
And that there are people around us who really have a hard time, and need help.

Grazie Jack! Ti voglio bene.

I'm going back to work now 

[dahlia]

We are all 'real' people here, and I don't see that online communication is any less valid than any other reality.

.....mmmh............online is great but.....probably 90% or more of human communication is non-verbal in life...

I would really like to communicate with some of you face-to-face!!

[Amiennis]

We are all 'real' people here, and I don't see that online communication is any less valid than any other reality.

.....mmmh............online is great but.....probably 90% or more of human communication is non-verbal in life...

I would really like to communicate with some of you face-to-face!!

You can... come to Oxford next year ...

[dahlia]

Who knows?

Not easy for me, technically....and also psicologically I admit......not that I wouldn't like it, I mean!

Thank you 

[desertrat]

dahlia, betty, katie, jack, jack (no, i'm not stuttering  ), john, flyboy - thanks for your thoughtful responses! this time i didn't feel ignored at all 

i'm glad there are more people who sometimes feel like me - it makes me feel less weird.